The Neurodivergent Experience

Episode: Executive Dysfunction and PDA — Why Everything Feels So Hard

Hosts: Jordan James & Simon Scott
Date: February 5, 2026

Episode Overview

In this episode, hosts Jordan James and Simon Scott delve into the often misunderstood concepts of Executive Dysfunction (ED) and Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA), exploring the ways these experiences shape daily life for neurodivergent individuals, especially those with autism and ADHD. Through personal stories, candid conversations, and reflective insights, they shed light on why seemingly simple tasks can feel overwhelmingly difficult. The episode aims to demystify terminology, challenge misconceptions, and offer practical advice for listeners, parents, and loved ones.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Personal Experiences with Overwhelm and Fatigue

• Opening reflections: Both Jordan and Simon express exhaustion, not just from their busy schedules but from the mental and emotional labor of navigating neurodivergence daily.
  • "I'm Jordan James, and I'm tired." — Jordan (01:27)
• Anxiety about boredom: Jordan shares his dread of repetitive workplace training not due to its challenge, but because it’s mind-numbingly boring—a source of anxiety in itself for him.

2. Defining Executive Dysfunction and PDA

(04:12–07:13)

• Executive Dysfunction: Described as difficulties with planning, organizing, and starting tasks—often manifesting as forgetfulness, paralysis, or mental overload.
  • "My organization or my planning ability or my working memory feels disabling." — Simon (09:01)
• Pathological Demand Avoidance: Characterized by an anxiety-driven resistance to demands, often experienced as an automatic, threat-like response even to things one wants to do.
  • "PDA is more common to autism than ADHD… it’s the same brain." — Jordan (07:17)

3. Untangling the Differences and Overlaps

(12:25–17:50)

• Tasks that involve many mini-demands (like getting ready in the morning) often trigger both executive dysfunction and PDA in tandem.
• The co-occurrence and tricky separation of the two:
  • "These two are like the terror twins of my disability… the inability to start a task creates more tasks." — Simon (13:41)
  • Jordan and Simon use relatable metaphors like “paralysis by analysis” and “salt and pepper” to describe how ED and PDA intertwine.

4. Relatable Scenarios and Analogies

• Video games and new TV series: Both hosts mention putting off starting big games or series in favor of familiar comfort content—even when excited for the new experience—due to the cognitive load and organizational energy required.
  • "I've literally played eight old games and I still haven't started this one, even though it’s at the top of my list." — Jordan (16:05)
  • "I have had Red Dead Redemption 2 on my computer for three years and not played it." — Simon (17:02)
• Daily demands: Mundane tasks like brushing teeth or washing hair spark prolonged internal battles, not out of inability but due to overwhelming demand resistance.

5. The Internal Monologue and Self-Ableism

(26:27–29:02)

• The hosts candidly discuss the internalized critical voice that surfaces during periods of being “stuck,” noting how it can make matters worse.
  • "It's the voice in my head that then sits me in place and creates that sort of demand… and when I don’t, it’s very easy for my brain to go, ‘well, aren’t you a piece of shit?’" — Simon (28:24)
• This self-criticism compounds paralysis, making already difficult tasks virtually insurmountable.

6. Fear of Failure and Trauma Roots

(29:02–33:01)

• For many neurodivergent adults, both ED and PDA are entangled with lifetime experiences of criticism or perceived failure. The fear of letting others down (or oneself) can stop someone from even trying.
  • "The fear of failure has stopped me starting so much." — Simon (29:15)

7. Hyperfocus & Delayed Self-Care

• Everyday needs (eating, drinking, using the bathroom) often get delayed to extremes—due to both hyperfocus and the avoidance of interruptions.
  • "I will literally leave it till I nearly pee myself before I force myself to get up and go to the toilet." — Jordan (21:00)
• A humorous yet poignant exchange about being “shrivelled up and salty like Spongebob out of water” highlights this theme. (26:57)

8. Practical Strategies: Understanding, Reducing Pressure, & Collaboration

(39:08–54:18)

• Differentiating in hindsight:
  • "You can tell them apart. You evaluate the why: is the person stuck because they can’t figure out the steps… or because the pressure to do it feels overwhelming and unsafe?" — Jordan (39:08)
• For parents or loved ones:
  • Investigate underlying causes (sensory issues, inability to organize), instead of defaulting to frustration or punishment.
  • Lower the pressure; offer choices; accompany loved ones through tasks (shadow work); reframe demands to lessen threat.
  • "A lot of the time, that's what we need. We just need someone to understand it and not reprimand us or judge us for it." — Jordan (42:02)
• Personal hacks:
  • Creating collaborative environments—like co-working days with friends, sitting beside a partner while doing tasks—to leverage the positive energy of “shadow work.”
  • Making environmental modifications (e.g., seat belt adjusters, better-quality work trousers).

9. Self-Acceptance and Mutual Support

• Emphasis is placed on the necessity of understanding, self-compassion, and supportive relationships.
  • "We have amazing people around us that help us through those moments… that's the beauty of neurodivergent relationships at their core." — Jordan (44:58)
• Closing reassurance:
  • "You're not deliberately being dramatic... it's just the way my brain catastrophizes every little thing and turns the day-to-day things into the most horrific." — Jordan (49:27)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the overwhelming nature of tasks:

  • "We have turned a puddle into an ocean. To get over a puddle, it is now an ocean." — Jordan (49:11)

• On the indistinguishable battle between PDA and ED:

  • "They're like salt and pepper... attack team, hand in hand." — Simon (13:41)

• On motivation, support, and shadow work:

  • "If I have somebody that just sits with me, just with me while I do [the work], releases me from it. It gives me a bit of confidence that I can do it." — Simon (43:11)

• On why knowing the difference can matter:

  • "It might actually help people around you or you as a parent… to understand the difference between why your child is not doing something. Is it executive dysfunction or PDA? Your approach... could be different." — Jordan (41:08)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:27 — Jordan’s candid intro: “I’m tired.”
• 04:12–07:13 — Definition and surface explanation of Executive Dysfunction and PDA
• 13:41 — Discussion: How ED and PDA work together (“terror twins”)
• 16:05–17:50 — Video game and series avoidance as examples
• 26:27–29:02 — The “negative voice” and crippling self-critique
• 29:15 — Fear of failure as central to avoidance behaviors
• 39:08–42:23 — Practical differentiation after the fact / parental strategies
• 44:58 — The value of supportive relationships
• 49:11–50:15 — Catastrophizing daily tasks (“puddle into an ocean”)
• 53:12–54:30 — Collaborative strategies and the power of shadow work
• 54:30 — End-of-episode winding down: “I’m all out of spoons.”

Summary Takeaways

• Executive Dysfunction and PDA can feel indistinguishable in-the-moment, both leading to intense overwhelm, paralysis, or avoidance, but stem from different root causes (organizational overload vs. anxiety-driven demand resistance).
• Naming and understanding these experiences helps with self-advocacy and getting support, especially for parents, partners, or educators working with neurodivergent individuals.
• Practical support strategies include reducing the pressure, reframing demands, collaboratively tackling tasks, and making environmental accommodations.
• The judgment and internalized criticism that often arise only double the difficulty—a cycle broken best with understanding, patience, and compassion from self and others.
• Neurodivergent community and mutual support—especially via shared lived experience—are invaluable in not only coping, but thriving.

Recommended for:
Neurodivergent individuals, parents, educators, and anyone seeking to understand why “simple” things can feel like mountains to climb for those living with executive dysfunction and PDA.