Podcast Summary: The Neurodivergent Experience

Episode 100: "Getting in Our Own Way – How Neurodivergent People Self-Sabotage"

Hosts: Jordan James & Simon Scott
Date: February 12, 2026

Episode Overview

In this milestone 100th episode, hosts Jordan James and Simon Scott delve into the nuanced issue of self-sabotage among neurodivergent people, particularly those with ADHD and autism. Drawing deeply from personal stories, lived experiences, and their own challenges, they explore patterns of procrastination, perfectionism, negative self-talk, impulsivity, addiction, rigid thinking, and the challenges and utility of masking. Candid, vulnerable, and as always, full of humor, this conversation aims to provide validation, solidarity, and practical insights for anyone navigating the complexities of neurodivergence.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Opening Reflections and Milestone

• Celebrating 100 Episodes and Neurodivergent Energy
  • The hosts express fatigue but also gratitude for reaching this milestone, crediting their friendship and community for sustenance.
  • Quote:
    “I’m actually energized by the fact that I’m doing this with my best friend in the world.” — Jordan [03:33]

Section 1: Self-Sabotaging Behaviors – Personal Experiences

1. Procrastination and Avoidance

• Both hosts identify procrastination as a core struggle, driven by overwhelm, perfectionism, and fear of failure.

• Simon describes how his perfectionism kept him from finishing creative projects:

  "Because I could see the fault in my own work... I was my own worst critic. And it stopped me from doing a lot." — Simon [09:30]

• Fear of critique (from self and others) blends into rejection sensitivity, adding layers to avoidance.

• Notable Anecdote:

  • Jordan recalls joining a local photography club, convinced he wasn’t good enough, only to be told "you're so good we might have to make you your own group," flipping his self-perception [13:40].
  • They reflect on how rejection or lack of encouragement in youth (e.g., school theater) can ingrain avoidance and self-sabotage for decades.

2. Negative Self-Talk & Duality of Self-Perception

• Inner voice developed from lifelong "outsider" experiences can be cruelly critical.
• Jordan calls himself a "paradox":

  “I don’t believe in myself. But outwardly I absolutely believe in myself. ... There’s this part of me that is so confident ... And then there’s the other part ... like, you are going to ruin everything.” — Jordan [20:46]

• Self-doubt is reinforced by the expectation to meet neurotypical standards, which feels unattainable and exhausting.

3. Masking Confidence, Internal Doubt

• Both hosts express how masking competence and confidence can be a form of self-sabotage if it disconnects them from real self-acceptance or leads to social faux pas.

Section 2: Impact on Families and Close Relationships

1. Impulsivity and Risk-Taking

• Simon opens up about impulsivity, addiction, and risk-taking, from substance use to reckless behaviors, emphasizing their prevalence among neurodivergent people seeking stimulation or escape.

• Jordan discusses his past as a social drinker and thrill-seeker, relating impulsivity to a “young” brain structure in ADHD.

• They touch on the dangers of gambling (especially given targeted advertising towards ADHD/autistic populations), as well as behavioral addictions like online gaming and social media.

• Quote:

  "My risk taking has gone from, like, literally jumping off things that I shouldn’t... to just driving stupidly when I was a kid ... Because literally the frontal lobe is not connected to the amygdala." — Jordan [28:04]

• Addiction and Escapism:

  • Jordan’s deep immersion in online gaming (Gears of War) led to emotional isolation and strained family relationships:

    "It could have been a make or break situation. Sylvia could have left me ... I just wanted to get online and kill." [33:21]

  • Simon notes how social validation around risky behaviors can be dangerously reinforcing:

    "I built my persona around my impulsivities because people respected them at the time." — Simon [35:55]

2. Tech and Smartphone Dependency

• Both recount how screen addiction interferes with presence and family life, with Jordan sharing the tactic of physically separating from his phone to reconnect with the present [43:07].
• They discuss the "dual-screen problem" and the ways even media is now designed to compensate for distracted viewers [38:57].

Section 3: Rigid Thinking and Antisocial Loops

• Autistic Rigidity:

  • Jordan discusses the social and relational cost of rigid, "all or nothing" thinking — such as refusing all fruit/veg except on pizza, and the frustration of witnessing it in friends.
  • This way of seeing the world can be socially isolating and even health-threatening, but can also be hardwired and resistant to logic.

    "It is advantageous for the species to do this thing, but it's also really antisocial." — Jordan [44:12]

• Pedantry and Social Consequences

  • Both hosts share stories of being "pedantic" to the point of social friction and reflect on how this has caused conflict in relationships and at work.

    "Being pedantic is self-sabotaging behavior..." — Jordan [46:36]

Section 4: Masking, Camouflaging, and Social Navigation

1. Is Masking Always Bad?

• Jordan advocates for deliberate, voluntary masking (or "camouflage") as situationally useful, especially in work contexts.

  "Masking or camouflaging at certain times is actually very, very useful... as long as you can do it on your own volition." — Jordan [55:07]

• Code-switching, or adopting "work voice" or "phone voice," is presented as a pragmatic social tool, not an inherent betrayal of self.

2. Impact on Professional Life

• Both hosts share how they've learned to regulate disclosure and emotional openness for workplace success. Simon shares a particularly effective story of de-escalating a hostile work relationship by addressing the tension head-on and offering mentorship instead of engaging in conflict [61:15].

  "I don’t have to be friends with everybody. But how can I make my job easier? The way I can make it easier is not to make it about me and just help other people." — Simon [62:39]

3. Honesty vs. Social Norms

• They highlight moments when autistic-style honesty can come across as blunt, hurtful, or off-putting, even if logically correct, and how learning to ask for consent before giving opinions can dramatically improve relationships.

  “What I’ve learned… if she wants my opinion… I need to ask her first: 'Would you like to know what I think?'” — Jordan [68:22]

4. Responsibility and Consent in Masking

• They distinguish between consensual masking (chosen by the person for strategic reasons) and masking forced by others (as in ABA therapy), emphasizing the importance of self-direction.
• Jordan critiques the idea that “just being honest because I’m autistic” is a free pass for rudeness or lack of effort in building relationships [67:05].

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Perfectionism Frustration:
  “If you’re not first, you’re last. And so much of my self-reflection on that is, nobody’s perfect… It’s all subject to the person that’s holding it.”
  — Simon Scott [10:05]

• On Risk-Taking:
  “The risk taking is like, we do have this young brain ... it’s literally like being a kid.”
  — Jordan James [29:42]

• On Pedantry and Food:
  “Pineapple on pizza is disgusting, you shouldn’t have fruit on a pizza. And I went, all pizzas have fruit. ... a tomato is a fruit.”
  — Jordan James [45:33]

• On Social Camouflage:
  “The reality exists is that you have to play the game. And unfortunately the game is rigged for the neurotypicals. So you have to cheat by pretending to be a neurotypical.”
  — Jordan James [56:12]

• On Choosing Honesty Wisely:
  “When somebody has a statement at me ... I go, do I tell them what I think or do I tell them what they want to hear?”
  — Simon Scott [68:15]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [07:08] – Defining self-sabotage and outlining ADHD/autistic behaviors
• [09:30] – Simon on perfectionism blocking creative projects
• [13:09] – Jordan’s turning point in photography club, self-esteem
• [20:46] – Paradoxical confidence vs. inner self-doubt
• [27:34] – Conversation about impulsivity, addiction, and risky behaviors
• [38:57] – Smartphone addiction, “dual-screen problem,” family effects
• [44:12] – Rigid thinking and its social/health impact
• [55:07] – The nuanced value of masking/camouflaging
• [61:15] – Simon’s pragmatic approach to workplace conflict
• [67:05] – Discussing honesty, masking, and the need for social consent

Tone & Style

The episode’s tone is candid, humorous, self-deprecating, and warm. Both hosts use vivid anecdotes and honest self-reflection to cultivate connection and understanding within the neurodivergent community.

Takeaways

• Self-sabotaging behaviors like procrastination, avoidance, and rigid thinking are driven by complex, often hidden forces (perfectionism, self-doubt, fear of rejection).
• Progress means understanding these patterns, practicing self-compassion, and developing pragmatic strategies—occasionally even camouflaging or code-switching to survive and thrive.
• It’s possible (and necessary) to balance authentic self-advocacy with responsibility towards one’s relationships and the wider community.
• Asking for consent before offering opinions, and carefully choosing when to “mask,” can be acts of self-care as well as kindness to others.

Closing

• The hosts thank listeners for their support over 100 episodes, encourage feedback and connection on social media, and tease future content while reflecting on the power of community and continued neurodivergent storytelling.

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