← The Neurodivergent Experience
The Neurodivergent Experience
Hot Topic: How to Recognize and Manage Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD)
00:26:03
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- [00:00]
Naomi Ekparigan / Andy Beckerman
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- [00:32]
Jordan
Acast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend.
- [00:40]
Naomi Ekparigan / Andy Beckerman
Hey, everybody, I'm Naomi Ekparigan. And I'm Andy Beckerman. We're a real life couple and a real life couple of comedians. And we're the hosts of the podcast Couples Therapy. We're the only comedy relationship podcast ever. Yeah, I said it. And we're so good. We've been written up in both the New York Times and we made Grindr's list of top podcasts. Yes, we're giving you that high, low appeal trust. On the show, we talk guests like Bob the Drag Queen, Angelica Ross Bowen Yang, Janelle James, Danny Pudi, Darcy Carden, Paul F. Tompkins, and more. All about love, mental health, and everything in between. And we answer your relationship questions. We are two unlicensed comedians just trying to help you out. So open your hearts, loosen your butts, because we got a lot of laughs and a lot of real talk just for you. Download Couples Therapy wherever you get your podcasts.
- [01:31]
Jordan
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- [01:51]
Scotty
Hot Topic. Hello and welcome to the new Euro Spicy News. Hot Topic.
- [02:04]
Jordan
Hot, hot, spicy news.
- [02:07]
Scotty
Feeling hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. Yeah, I. I had a whole week. It's raining right now, but I had a. I had a hot weekend doing my photography. It was lovely.
- [02:16]
Jordan
Yeah, Autumn. Autumn is here now.
- [02:19]
Scotty
Yeah, the summer.
- [02:21]
Jordan
The summer.
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Scotty
The summer ended my weekend in the New Forest. And now it's done. So, Scotty, too hottie. What is the Hot Topic?
- [02:33]
Jordan
Well, you ever heard of rsd, Jordan?
- [02:37]
Scotty
It's. It sounds familiar.
- [02:39]
Jordan
Yes, it's quite familiar to me as well, but turns out other people are starting to hear about it as well and actually believe it exists.
- [02:47]
Scotty
Amazing. The myth of RSD is finally becoming known. It's like pda. It's like, oh, that's a thing, Is it? Possibly. Yes, it is.
- [03:00]
Jordan
Could be. Just because you don't feel it doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
- [03:02]
Scotty
Yeah, so I. I found an article on 23rd of August. So a couple of days after now we're recording, and it says, what is rsd? This is in the independent. What is rsd? The condition often linked with ADHD and how to manage it. Now, first of all, I mean, it is also linked to autism very clearly, Very clearly. But as we've discussed many, many times, this is the same synaptic pruned brain. Not the same conditions, just the same brain that resulted in those conditions. Let me be clear on that one. But, yeah, so, I mean, well done. They got. They got half of it.
- [03:49]
Jordan
They're still, like, going on like. Like, ADHD is just like the entry of. Of neurodivergence, isn't it?
- [03:55]
Scotty
Yeah, it's like the gate.
- [03:56]
Jordan
It's the gateway of.
- [03:59]
Scotty
It's like. It's like, okay, I want to go swimming, but I need to dip my toe in first. It's like, I'm adhd. And then when you fully submerge yourself, actually, I'm autistic and adhd. But anyway, it says the term rejection sensitivity. Dysphoria isn't a formal diagnosis, but it's gaining traction in both research and clinical work, which is great. That's great news.
- [04:21]
Jordan
That's awesome.
- [04:22]
Scotty
Because I'm really pleased. I think, you know, like we were discussing in yesterday's main episode, I think gaining that knowledge, but also being able to put that to other people is. Is incredibly helpful. So the more people understand rsd, and you better take it to a school or to your work and get accommodations for either yourself or your kids when and hopefully when RSD does become an official diagnosis, just like anxiety is when it does, if it does, that will just help you being able to advocate for your kids and gain accommodations. But my. My company make adjustments for my rsd because I know so much about it, and basically I talk to them until I talk to them, until they just be like, I can't take any more. Whatever you want, Jordan, as long as you stop talking, I will. We will literally give you an ice cream machine. What they said. They said, what is it that we can get for you that will help you? And I turned around and went, an ice cream machine. I want a Mr. Whippy ice cream machine that makes chocolate, strawberry, and mint chocolate ice cream.
- [05:41]
Jordan
That is the most, like, honestly, that is so funny. You go, I'm asking for these accommodations. What do you want? Ice cream.
- [05:48]
Scotty
Ice cream? Yeah. It's just to help me with my. My anxiety. Just. What, what, what, what?
- [05:54]
Jordan
Just give him a twister and he'll be just Right.
- [05:56]
Scotty
What? And I, I. And I got my autism card out of my wallet and I, I threw it at them like gambit. I thought, I'm autism. Autism. No, weirdly enough, I didn't ask for that. But that, that, that is something I wanted.
- [06:13]
Jordan
And I took that literally as well. So if I don't know what that tells you.
- [06:16]
Scotty
Yeah, well, anyway, so their, their research, I guess the clinical research is they put it into layman terms. So this is, this is quite interesting because obviously we've talked about RSD and we've explained it, but let's see what the independents say. Do you want to read that bit?
- [06:35]
Jordan
Imagine your friend hasn't replied to a message in a few hours. Most people might think they are probably just busy, but someone with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, adhd, might spiral into a flood of thoughts like, they must hate me or I've ruined the friendship.
- [06:54]
Scotty
It's quite funny because that was a.
- [06:56]
Jordan
Bit personal, wasn't it?
- [06:57]
Scotty
We, we've been. I, I personally have been talking about this for like five years, but, like, we've been talking about this a lot. And it's like, it's like 8-23-20. 8-23-2025. This is new information. I'm like, actually, we've been saying this for a long time. We had a whole flipping episode because obviously we talked about perception sensitivity, sensitivity dysphoria, which is a part of rsd, and that is that perception sensitivity dysphoria. Oh, they probably just hate me. They're like, there's something wrong with me. It's worrying about what other people think of you. It's not just a rejection, like somebody didn't like your work or something. You take it super personally. It's, it's, it's a rejection of you as a person rather than just something you did. It's deep. That is deep. And, yeah, I, I go through this on a weekly basis.
- [07:54]
Jordan
Used to be a daily. I think it's moved to weekly now because I'm aware of it and I recognize it.
- [07:59]
Scotty
Exactly. You know, I, I can be telling myself, oh, the reason they didn't get back is because they're busy. But then when I go to sleep, my brain goes, I don't like you. It's because they don't like you. It's because they hate you. It's because you said that one thing that one time and they've remembered it, now they hate you for it. And you're just like, but what was that one thing? Once? I was like, you know, what you did. I'm like, my brain doesn't even want to tell me what I did.
- [08:32]
Jordan
It flashed through my head the other day that, and you know what, it's so funny and it's so obvious, but I was just like, my ex girlfriend thinks I'm a dick. Oh, no. Yeah, obviously. I was like, wow, she's, she's gonna have told her friends that I'm an asshole. And I'm like, I've not thought about that. Not been with this person for many, many years. I can't sleep now. Oh, great. Thanks for that. Yeah, I will, I will say though, Jordan, there's a couple of things in this article that have actually really given me a little bit of hope. So continuing. These intense emotional reactions to real or imagined rejection are part of what's called rejection sensitivity dysphoria. The term isn't a formal diagnosis, but it's gaining traction in both research and clinical work, especially among adults seeking to understand themselves better. God, people are finally catching on.
- [09:23]
Scotty
Yeah.
- [09:23]
Jordan
Also my friend, it goes even further. It said ADHD isn't a character flaw, it's a neurological difference. Brain imaging studies show people with ADHD tend to have differences in how their amygdala, the brain's emotional alarm system, and the prefrontal cortex, which regulates impulses and emotions work together. The result, emotional experiences hit harder and take longer to settle. That is the first time I have ever seen that in a UK news publication. I've read it in studies, I've never.
- [09:54]
Scotty
Seen it in a newspaper where we're, we're slowly getting there for the actual facts to, to reach mainstream media. We're finally getting there. We don't sound like crazy people, you know, because we're not. We, we do know what we're talking about. But yeah, it's funny. It's like, oh, it's 2018 study. I'm like, this is, this is 2025. That's, that's a seven year old study. Okay. I mean, like I said, slowly but surely we, we are gaining traction of people, you know, taking us more serious, I guess, because I guarantee you that, that this is gaining traction because of the neurodivergent community. That, that it's probably getting a lot of traction because the people doing that clinical research are neurodivergent themselves because that might be their hyperfocus. I, I know for a fact because I talk to and communicated with scientists who are neurologists. You know, this is how I came to, to my, the conclusion of my hypothesis is running it by actual neurologists, actual scientists, and asking them what they thought about it. And I always, always get really positive reactions to it of, you know, the, the, what I call the, the baby brain. And it's, it's, it's nice that, that we're finally getting to a point where we don't just go, oh, they don't know what they're talking about because, because they're neurodivergent. It's, it's the people that aren't know what they're talking about. And you're like, well, actually, the people that. Neurodivergent people, and they're now, you know, doing these clinical studies, which is really, really great.
- [11:55]
Jordan
Don't get me wrong, it still feels like a bit of a ball drink and Blackadder situation where you're like, I've had this idea for years. And then Blackadder goes, oh, I've had an idea. Like, yeah, don't get me wrong. Yeah, like, I'm glad that people are finally coming to this. And the article continues, you know, it has quotes from many people sort of discussing what we have been saying. But the bit that sort of has stood out to me is at the bottom, it goes, what helps? What does help, Jordan? The article reveals all but the top suggestion, which I'm really pleased to read, actually says, name it. Saying to yourself, this feels like rejection sensitivity can give you distance from the emotional flood. And that's true. That really helps me. I go, this feels like rejection sensitivity. And it creates a bit of a separation. But the fact that an article is saying what we're saying gives me a bit of hope, dude. It really is.
- [12:52]
Scotty
Absolutely, dude. Because unfortunately, more people are going to, you know, get their information from places like this than are going to listen to the podcast or, you know, read books by neurodivergent people. You know, read, read information by neurodivergent people. They, they're going to, to listen more to clinical studies and medical journals and things like this. And, and that's taking the medical idea of autism and adhd, of neurodivergence, whereas I prefer to think of the lived experience as being where I want to personally learn it from. But, but the, the medical side of it, you know, we, we do have a lot of medical issues, and it's, it's, it's all helping to build this picture of who we are as a person and, and, and how we can help ourselves. All, all information is helpful, but just getting the right information is a freaking minefield, dude, because you will Run across articles like this that are absolute junk.
- [13:58]
Jordan
That will be like, gotcha.
- [14:00]
Scotty
They'll be like, oh, study says that autism can be ca. Women taking paracetamol during pregnancy. That's a genuine thing that I read. And, and, and their, their idea was, well, these women took paracetamol when they were pregnant and then their kid is autistic. So that means that if you take paracetamol when you're pregnant, that means your kid's going to be autistic. That is a genuine study done by an absolute numty fucking. And I can't believe that anybody put any money into that because that's like saying women who brushed their hair during pregnancy had children who were autistic. So brushing your hair during pregnancy makes your kid autistic. Correlation isn't causation, you absolute fucking Wombles. Right, okay. It's so frustrating that someone will read a study and it's like the peer reviews are like, that's a load of crap. But most people, and I do mean most people, will read a headline and that's about as far as they get.
- [15:07]
Jordan
Yeah, and that's the, this is the thing that I struggle with, being in a world where I am a bottom UP processor and 90% of people are top down. Like, I saw some of the comments on your posts on Facebook and somebody was like, I don't understand pda. If anything, it just sounds annoying when people talk about it.
- [15:24]
Scotty
I was like, I didn't see that one.
- [15:27]
Jordan
I was like, what?
- [15:28]
Scotty
I was right.
- [15:30]
Jordan
Like the amount of times I hear people go, I don't believe that. And I go, what you're trying to say is you don't understand. Just amazes me how people, you know, you'll come with your facts and your information and you've advocated for many years and you'll go, here's a thesis I have, it's just a thesis. And people will go online and go, that's the dumbest I've ever heard in my life. I have nothing to back it up. But I think it's dumb because I don't understand it yet. They will read a tagline that goes like, you know, brushing your hair will not only make your babies bald, it will make them autistic. And they go, oh, I better not brush my hair then. Oh, come on. Yeah, come on, guys.
- [16:10]
Scotty
But yeah, it's, it's, it's good because, you know, this, this article is helpful. This article is, is a step in the right direction. And you know, obviously it's not just adhd, it's very, very common. In fact, I don't know an autistic person that doesn't have rsd. So it's a bit of a shame that they haven't spoken about autism and ADHD within this article. But, you know, baby steps, I guess. But yeah, the idea of naming it is what we said in the last episode. It's, you know, giving something a name doesn't, you know, doesn't make it bad. It just means that you can understand that little thing that you do. So you can then help yourself understand it so you don't feel like you're the problem.
- [17:01]
Jordan
It gives you the opportunity to start a relationship with it, doesn't it? It's like, right, I know what rejection sensitivity is. It's something that I struggle with. It's not evil. It's not trying to hurt me. It's not haunting me or possessing me. It's something that is a part of my genetic makeup. And when you sort of give it a name, it's like going, you know, oh, I wear glasses. You don't hate yourself for the need to wear glasses. You just kind of go, well, I need glasses. And sort of giving. Reject. Understanding what RSD is like when I feel it and I just go, this feels like rejection sensitivity has been, it's been an absolute game changer. I can't understate how important it is to just go, oh, I recognize what that is. That's what that is. It just creates some separation for me. Absolutely.
- [17:52]
Scotty
I, I do love this as well. Of like, you know, what helps. This was really good. It's, you know, consider therapy 100%.
- [18:00]
Jordan
100%.
- [18:01]
Scotty
And we definitely 100% recommend Ashley Bentley because she is the only person that I've ever worked with who genuinely actually helped me as a therapist. And I had seen a lot of people and she's the only person that's ever helped me. Ashley is, is just so good. But yeah, it's considered therapy. And then it says working with psychologists, by the way, and, and psychiatrists as well. I don't know why it doesn't say psychiatrist, psychologist who understands ADHD and rejection. Sensitive sensitivity dysphoria can help untangle these reactions and develop healthy self compassionate responses, which I, that, that's, I can't really remember a time where I'm reading an article and I'm like, that, that just, that's just good. That's just really good because that is exactly, exactly what we need. And. But what kills me is the fact that not everyone can Afford that. And if you go through the NHS and it's not a diagnosable condition, you are not going to find somebody who will give you therapy that understands ADHD and rsd. That is so rare. Which is. Which is why, if you can go to Ashley. Ashley is the absolute best I've ever come across. I think that she's a magician. Sorceress. She's sorceress. She does magic, but not like pick a card magic, but like real magic.
- [19:49]
Jordan
Yeah. She talks to you and actually goes, hey, what's going on?
- [19:53]
Scotty
Yeah, you're a human and I care about you.
- [19:55]
Jordan
I'm not trying to fix you for my own self gratification. I just want to help.
- [19:59]
Scotty
Isn't it funny that I've been damaged by therapists so much that when one works, I just assume that she's just like putting spells on me.
- [20:09]
Jordan
It was witchcraft. Yes, of course.
- [20:12]
Scotty
Ashley, if you're listening, Simon called you a witch. Not me. It was Simon. Simon did it wasn't me.
- [20:20]
Jordan
I love you, Ashley, but witches are cool. Because Ashley is cool.
- [20:25]
Scotty
Witches are cool. Actually, it is like a whole thing. Yeah, they're pretty cool. It's not witchcraft. She's just really, really good.
- [20:32]
Jordan
She's really good at what she does. Yeah.
- [20:34]
Scotty
The other one here is really good as well, which is what I did with my kids is start with kids. Helping children with neurodivergence in one word learn emotional language. Boundary setting and resilience can prevent rejection sensitivity from becoming an O. From becoming overwhelming for parents. Resources such as Raising Children Network and books like the Whole Brainchild by Daniel Siegel. Never heard of that.
- [21:04]
Jordan
Not heard of that one.
- [21:05]
Scotty
Tina Payne Bryson offers practical ways to teach these skills at home. Okay, I mean, that's. That sounds like, like a good resource.
- [21:12]
Jordan
Might be something I might check out.
- [21:14]
Scotty
Yeah, we will. We will be doing a hot topic on our review of that book one day in a million years when I actually get around to reading something. Communicate gently. If you work or live with someone who has ADHD slash autism, try to give feedback clearly and kindly. Avoid sarcasm or vague phrasing. A little extra clarity can go a long way. That's a. That's actually a really, really interesting perspective, which personally I hadn't really thought about actually, because what. We love detail, don't we? We love things clearly put out. And I definitely think the rejection sensitivity to dysphoria can be hugely avoided in so many circumstances when a clear amount of information is given. So it's so often where I'll get half the information I need about something I've done. And I will be left with like, I don't understand. I still don't understand. Are you saying that I've. I'm a problem or what I've done is a problem? And. And my brain will always go to the negative because of trauma, because of abuse, because of anxiety, and because of how I'm treated. I think a lot of rsd. I don't think we're born with rsd do. We're just sensitive beings. We are hypersensitive to our emotions as well as we are.
- [22:51]
Jordan
It's a reaction to how we're treated.
- [22:52]
Scotty
Exactly it. Because. Because like, so many times where I put, like, you know, parents will traumatize their children whether they mean it or not. And it's not like, oh, you're a bad parent. It's just if. Especially if you don't know that your kids. Neurodiversion. You. You are just doing your best. But dude, I, like, I've admitted it before. I have done things with my kids. I was like, I wish I hadn't done that. And, and do. Do you know who I don't listen to ever? Because I did. And it was a really, really bad idea because she has no idea about neurodivergence is super nanny Joe Frost. The childless bint that decides to go around telling everybody else how to raise their children on the naughty step. And following her advice was lit. I literally traumatized my children because I followed her advice. So my. My. I hurt my own kids inadvertently because of that stupid freaking idiot. So, yeah, if you have neurodivergent kids, don't listen to her. Plain and simple. I can't. I can't be nicer or. Or more. I. I can't even. I can't even try and be nice about. About her because it just. She's just terrible because she just spouts her nonsense and she has no idea the damage that she does. Or. And when she is told, because I've seen posts on her Facebook page where people are like, yeah, you literally hurt my kids by. By doing this because you don't understand adhd, she literally turns around and goes, oh, no, you're the one in the wrong. She just deflects. Yeah, she just deflects it. She is terrible. Yeah. But yeah.
- [24:48]
Jordan
Oh, God. Remember some of the TV that used to be on 20 years ago? Christ. But yeah, no, the. The article finishes with rejection sensitivity. Dysphoria isn't about being fragile or weak. It's about how the ADHD or Neurodivergent brain processes, emotional and social cues. With insights, tools and support, these experiences can become manageable.
- [25:08]
Scotty
They can. I think for me, the. I just keep having to remind myself every time I get rsd, I have to remind myself that it is RSD and that that's generally what helps me. But, you know, it's sometimes it's, it's like a. It's like a little gremlin that just sits on your shoulder and every now and again it will just whisper in your ear like, you suck.
- [25:37]
Jordan
It's Gollum to me. It's like, no one likes you, you've not got any friends. Like, that's literally what I sometimes just hear creeping, creeping in my ear. And that whisper can sometimes be a scream. It's. It's. When it comes, it's awful. I, I hate the feeling of it, but I'm so good at stopping it. Coke bottle effect now. Like, I don't let it build and build and explode and become reclusive and think, I've got no friends. I recognize it. I know when it's at my door now. And if anything, sometimes I welcome it in and just go, yep, you're here, but you aren't. You aren't going to get me today. And that's. That's been very, very, very helpful.
- [26:16]
Scotty
Brilliant.
- [26:16]
Jordan
Yeah. Well, good news. It was good news.
- [26:19]
Scotty
Good news.
- [26:20]
Jordan
Fingers crossed. More, more conversations like this are happening in public media spaces, especially in the uk. And if you've read anything else like this, please send it us. We will read it all for the positive. Good stuff. So thank you once again for listening. We will be back on Thursday with another main episode with a hot topic following on Friday. As always, everybody, take care of yourself, be kind and stay safe nightly.
- [26:45]
Scotty
Bye.
- [26:49]
Jordan
Thanks for tuning in to the Neurodivergent Experience. We hope today's episode sparks something for you. Whether it's a new idea, a bit of validation, or just a moment of connection, remember, new episodes are every week, so be sure to join us for the next one for more conversations and insights into the Neurodivergent experience. If you've enjoyed this podcast, help us grow. You can do that by rating and reviewing this show. Your support makes a huge difference in helping us reach more people who could benefit from these conversations. You can connect with us on social media, find us on Instagram, Facebook, Tik tok. Just search for the neurodivergent experience. Thank you again for listening and until next time, take care of yourself. You're not alone in this journey. Only Boost Mobile Boost Mobile will give you a free year of service. Free year when you buy a new 5G phone.
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Scotty
New 5G phone enough. But I'm your hype man.
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Jordan
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Naomi Ekparigan / Andy Beckerman
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