Kelly (1:55)

Apparently not, no.

Host - Scotty (1:57)

Oh, add it to your list. Banger. Hello everybody. Welcome to this week's Hot Topic. What are we talking about this week?

Kelly (2:04)

We're going to talk about how ADHD is the biggest catalyst for some people going missing, which is an interesting subject. Having run away multiple times as a kid, I don't know if it was my ADHD and more of the fact that my parents were abusive, but I'm, I'm, I'm eager to, to find out why this person saying their ADHD caused them to run away. So I'm, I'm interested to read this, but I would just like to point out because a few people have said this on my page when I've talked about the neurospicy news. If you don't like the term neurospicy when it comes to autism adhd and that's cool. That's, that's, that's absolutely fine, totally respect that. And if you do like the term neuro spicy when it comes to you as a neurodivergent person, that is also cool and really, really fun. But when I use the term neuro spicy news, it is literally because the News is spicy and it's about neurodivergence. So it has. Nothing is hot and it's hot. That's why it's called neuro spicy.

Host - Scotty (3:21)

Fun little word play.

Kelly (3:23)

It's just fun wordplay. It's not, oh, I use neuro spicy or I don't like neuro spicy has nothing to do with the terminology of neurospicy. Describing neurodivergent people. I'm describing the neurodivergent news as being spicy.

Host - Scotty (3:37)

Too hot. Too spicy.

Kelly (3:39)

I just had to clear that up because I've taken some slack from people on Facebook, like, I'm not going to listen to your show because you use the term.

Host - Scotty (3:46)

Yeah, some people really don't.

Kelly (3:47)

And I'm like, well, then you have missed out on a really good show because we are doing pretty well. People love it. And if you're listening, that's because you're awesome. I'm pretty cool. You know what I'm saying?

Host - Scotty (4:00)

Kudos to you.

Kelly (4:01)

Yeah, you're cuckoo person. Cuckoo person. Anyway, guys, now we've thoroughly described our fans as being cool. Let's crack on. Scotty, do you want to take over? Because I'm not with it again.

Host - Scotty (4:14)

Okay, welcome back, everybody. So this is another article from the Independent. We seem to keep coming to these guys. That's fine. That's fine. So the story is titled My Undiagnosed ADHD Was biggest Catalyst in Going Missing. Why aren't we talking about it? This comes as The Independent launches SafeCall, a new service to help bring missing young people to safety. So this article discusses a Jay Grange doesn't say his. His first name, but it discusses how at just 13 years old, Jay Grange was disappearing from home again and again. He had been excluded from school, was in trouble with the police, and was written off as disruptive. In reality, he was a child in crisis, struggling with undiagnosed ADHD and sinking into depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. Mr. Grange said to the Independent, I just didn't want to be seen by anybody. The easiest option for me was to run. Just run and go missing. It was a few times. It wasn't just the once. It was normally almost like a defense mechanism when I was struggling mentally with my neurodivergence.

Kelly (5:22)

Yeah, see, okay, so I. I ran away a lot as a kid. I had undiagnosed everything. I was just seen as a problem. And I ran away because I felt like no one cared about me. And I would. I would build bases in the woods and stuff because I grew up in the middle of the countryside, and I would literally sleep in trees overnight. And I would just go missing. And do you know what's crazy? So many times.

Christy (5:58)

No.

Kelly (5:58)

No one ever cared. Like, literally no one ever cared. Like, I went missing once when I left the house after a particularly bad incident where I jumped out of a window, my bedroom window, trying to hurt myself, and I landed on my conservatory. Was positive I was going to go straight through the conservatory, but I didn't. And then I sheepishly just climbed back in. And I did it because my dad had stormed out and I was calling him through the window, and he screamed at me, I wish you were never born. You ruined my life. And I was like, okay, then. And he loved his conservatory so much. That's where he did all of his autistic hobbies. So I decided to jump on his conservatory and smash it to pieces. And it did not work.

Host - Scotty (6:55)

You bounced, unfortunately, yeah, but I. I.

Kelly (6:58)

Cut my leg badly. On the hook that you close the window on.

Host - Scotty (7:04)

Yep.

Kelly (7:05)

Climbed back in, didn't even realize I'd done that. And basically went after my dad, but he had driven off and I didn't know that I went after him. And I took a machete with me, but as I left, I threw it away in our porch because I changed my mind. And this is the sort of mental state that my parents put me in. My birth mother called the police, and the armed police basically chased me around the countryside for the next three hours. I won't go into details. We haven't got time. It's a hot topic. But it basically ended up with me having to avoid police dogs, police helicopters. I wish this was made up, but this is. This is all in the paper. You can actually check this out. Maybe it's on the Internet.

Host - Scotty (8:07)

Wow.

Kelly (8:08)

Yeah.

Host - Scotty (8:10)

Not know that.

Kelly (8:11)

And eventually I made it back to my house without being caught. And there were police, armed police waiting for me at the house. And if I had been caught out of the house, I would have been sectioned. But because I was caught in the house, they got a psychiatrist, basically signed me off. And basically I turned around and said, the machete is there in the porch. And the looks that my birth mother got from the police were like, you are the worst person ever for wasting all our time. Literally, like, I didn't have a weapon on me. I never. It never left the property. But yeah, but because of everything that had happened, they. I had to get a psychiatrist to come and. And sign me off. And I basically just said that whatever thing that happened to me and nothing still nothing was done about my parents. Still nothing was done because apparently the psychiatrist was friends with my birth mother.

Host - Scotty (9:15)

Oh, of course there's a predetermined bias. Gotta love it.

Kelly (9:19)

Yep. So you basically said, no, he's a troubled kid, but we'll look after him. And it was, it was all down to me again. It was my problems. I was the bad kid. And that, that is just one incident out of many incidents that I, I had as a kid. And I don't go, oh, that's because of my undiagnosed adhd. I go, well, that's because I just didn't get the help that I needed. So it's, it's a, it's kind of a sensationalist headline. And I feel like it's using ADHD as another, like, oh, it's a buzzword rather than. It's like a genuine thing. People love to say adhd, you know, it does well on Tick Tock and things like that. And people seem to make a really good career out of saying they're ADHD now. And I'm not saying they're not. I'm just saying that is what's happening. Yeah, I don't know. What, what do you think?

Host - Scotty (10:19)

Well, just before we go to a break, I'll give my. My two cents on this. I have never run away. I think the furthest I ever got was the end of the street. And, you know, I often lean back on Dr. Luke Bearden's little equation, which is, you know, neurodivergence plus environment equals outcome. So obviously the situation that you were in has led you to feel the need to run away. And I don't blame you. I really don't blame you. But I have noticed that a lot of articles seem to have this sort of over reliance on the quirky, naughty ADHD kids. And the reason as to why they are that way is because of their adhd. Adhd. Whereas I'm more leaning into, well, ADHD plays into that, but it's how they're treated. It's their lack of support, it's the environments that they find themselves in coupled with their neurodivergence is creating an extreme outcome.

Kelly (11:14)

Exactly.

Host - Scotty (11:16)

So we'll go to a little break and then after that we'll dig into what this young man has had to say in this article.

Blue Apron Advertiser (11:24)

Why does every recipe I try need 18 ingredients, including a jar of something paste I'll never use again, but will sit in my fridge for nine months? I just want dinner in the oven fast. That's why I love Blue Apron's new one Pan, Assemble and Bake meals. They send you fresh ingredients that are already chopped. All you do is put it all together and bake. That's it. No chopping, no weird leftovers, just delicious, easy to make meals. Get 20% off your first two orders with code apron20. Terms and conditions apply. Visit blueapron.com terms for more.

Host - Scotty (11:58)

This is a neurodivergent experience. Public announcement if you live in England and you or a loved one is waiting for an autism or ADHD assessment, you don't have to wait years. RTN Diagnostics is now part of the NHS Right to Choose scheme, which means if your local weight for a consultant led autism or ADHD assessment is more than 18 weeks, you can choose RTN instead and it won't cost you a penny. Jordan chose RTN for his own family because their care and attention to detail were second to none. They didn't just diagnose autism and adhd, they looked at the full picture, including pda, ocd, anxiety and more. The team is friendly, neuroaffirming and comprises many neurodivergent individuals, so they truly understand getting started is simple. Download the GP referral letter and questionnaire from the link in our show notes, take those to your GP and ask for a referral to RTN diagnostics. If approved, RTN will be in touch within eight weeks to begin your assessment. Remember, this only applies in England and some exclusions do apply. RTN is not currently able to accept referrals for child ADHD assessments, so check the details before you start. RTN diagnostics helping you get the answers you deserve without the wait. Welcome back to the Neurodivergent Experience. This is your hot topic for this week. We've been discussing Running Away, going missing and an article that is linking that to undiagnosed ADHD in young people. Before the break, Jordan shared his own experiences and his stories with Running Away. I myself have no experience in this whatsoever, but Jordan, let's hear this guy's story, shall we?

Kelly (13:57)

Yeah, yeah, let's hear it.

Host - Scotty (13:59)

So Mr. Grange from Essex said he was one of those young people as he joined calls for more targeted support. That neurodivergence is the thing that makes me. It gives me all the strengths I've had in my life, but it also gives me a lot of negatives because of being undiagnosed as well. At the time I was going missing, I didn't know what was going on and that's what led to the school exclusions. The Getting in trouble with police, the in and out of court, detention, isolations, you name it. And it was the biggest catalyst for me going missing. When I would go missing, I was just taking a break from everything. But even when I'd go missing, my brain wouldn't shut down because my ADHD goes a thousand miles per hour. I was overthinking, I was nervous, I was thinking, what's going to happen? What are my family going to think? What are my friends going to think? So it's a massive issue. It's one of those things that gets overlooked. We seem to miss neurodivergence. And the article states it is estimated that more than 15% of people in the UK are neurodivergent, according to NHS Scotland. Before his diagnosis, Mr. Grange described struggling with low self esteem and emotional dysregulation, hating himself, not understanding himself, thinking he was bad, naughty, unintelligent and lazy. I'll finish here. After going missing multiple times between the ages of 13 and 15, he was diagnosed at 16 and soon stopped disappearing. After the diagnosis, I understood myself more, which gave me clarity and I stopped all the negative things that I was doing. Going missing, dealing drugs and changing my life around. He's now later been diagnosed with dyspraxia.

Kelly (15:34)

So he's basically nd, yes, in, in all of it and probably just hasn't gone through the autism diagnosis. So, yeah, like I suspected, the, the, the headline, as headlines do, they're there to grab your attention. It's like, oh, adhd. I was. No, I'm gonna read that. But yeah, his story is just very, very similar to my life. I mean, I was in trouble with the police, you know, got into lots of fights, just problems with neighbors. Always, always just problems. Just like I said, I always felt like I was the problem, like, you.

Host - Scotty (16:16)

Know, like you were the one thing in common with all of these things.

Kelly (16:19)

Yeah, yeah. It's like everything was just my fault, so I can completely understand that, but I don't, how can I say this? So I don't, I. Obviously he's saying it as well. It's like, I don't, I don't think it's ADHD that's causing this. It's the lack of support, the lack of understanding, which, which is, you know, once he got diagnosed, things really, really changed, which, which is why it's so important to get assessed, to have awareness and to understand neurodivergence for everyone, so they can spot it in younger people, especially for professionals, especially in like, you know, the police force. And the NHS and obviously teachers and schools and just all parents, because so many parents won't understand that they'll have a dyslexic kid, and that's neurodivergence. So when you have a dyslexic kid, you should learn about adhd, you should learn about autism, you should learn about dyspraxia. So much crossover, because there is crossover, because it's the same brain. So you might not have the criteria, you might not have the assessment, the diagnosis, but you will have the same. I don't. I don't like saying it, but it's, you know, traits, as it were, you know, in layman's terms.

Host - Scotty (17:39)

But traits are important. It's good to, you know, when you're diagnosing or self identifying. There are universal traits of our people, of our culture and recognizing them and understanding them. If there was more education around those traits, I think it would be easier rather than just going, oh, that person's dyspraxic. It would be, in my opinion, so much more helpful for support services and for people that want to be supported and support their. Their loved ones, that they recognize that this is all part of one brain. You know, they see a dyslexic kid and they go, well, right, let's get him tested for ADHD and autism. Let's get him tested for dyspraxia or Tourette's. Let's really look at their neuro profile rather than just going, oh, naughty kid. Won't sit still. Because I have a. I have a question to ask you. If you're a kid who is told that you're naughty and disruptive and getting kicked out of school and you're lazy, realistically, would you not think, well, I'm good at those things, so that's just what I'm gonna be. If everyone thinks that I'm disruptive and naughty, then at least I'm good at it. So that's just what I am. So that's what I'm gonna be. Because if. If somebody was telling me that, you know, I was disruptive all the time and that I. I didn't deserve to be in the classroom, I. I would have run away from it because I would have needed that. That piece to sort of separate myself. And, yeah, I can. I can understand why people would have run away if they were in horrific sort of situations where they just feel so empty and lost.

Kelly (19:17)

Yeah, I used to run away from school. Like, I would. I, like when I was being bullied and stuff, I would Just leave. I would run away and go missing. And, you know, I'd always get in trouble for that. Because that's the thing is that so many times when I was a kid, and I recognize this with, with my kids, although my. My kids never really got into trouble, but I. I recognize when they were acting out. Like, a lot of the reasons for it were simply because we were crying out for help. We. We wanted people to. People weren't listening to me. I could be like, I. I couldn't talk about how sad I was, how depressed I was, how scared I was, how anxious I was. I didn't understand those things because no one had ever taught me about them. All I'd ever heard was like, oh, why. Why are you. Why are you flicking your head round? Why are you making that noise with. When I. Because I. I don't talk about this a lot, is that I do have Tourette's. It's not the Tourette's that everyone talks about. It's not the stereo. It's. It's. It's a. It's a. I don't want to say a mild form, but it is a milder form of Tourette's. It's a. Is what it is. But when I was younger, I. I did have a very. I had a lot more extreme tics with. With my Tourette's, and I was, like, horrendously. Horrendously bullied for them. And. But no one recognized them as Tourette's. No one recognized my dyslexia. No one recognized my. I mean, like I said. I've said before, like, my ADHD was recognized as hyperactivity, and it was linked to how many sweets I'd eat.

Host - Scotty (21:05)

Yeah. So, like, no one Zeitgeist thing, unfortunately, Blue Smarties and Gatorade.

Kelly (21:10)

So it was basically pointless because that's not how ADHD is. So I was completely missed. Like, just completely didn't get any help. So I would act out to. To get help because, I don't know.

Host - Scotty (21:26)

It's a cry for help.

Kelly (21:27)

It is. It is a cry for help because I'm not a bad person, but I did bad things as a kid, so I was labeled as a bad kid. But also a lot of the time, it's. It's like when you're being bullied, and then I'd get bullied for, like two weeks in a row by one kid who would just destroy me mentally destroy me. And then I'd headbutt them. And. But then. And then suddenly I'm violent. I'm a problem.

Host - Scotty (21:56)

It's that thing of, like, the, you know, the bad dog is. It's mistreated you beat it. And then the one time it bites you, it's like, oh, it's a dangerous animal.

Kelly (22:04)

Yeah, bad dog. Bad owner.

Host - Scotty (22:07)

Yeah, yeah, bad owner. Speaking of them, as my dog has now decided that they've joined us in the studio, so we've got a guest at the end of this episode. She's just all wandered in. I thought you were downstairs. But, yeah, I totally agree with that, my friend. And, you know, I'm. It hurts me when I think about my friend feeling like that and feeling like that about himself and needing to take himself away. And this is why I think it's so, so important that neurodivergent traits are recognized as traits. That it is viewed as one brain, one neurotype, so that people can get the help and support they need, but also the empathy. If you've got a child that is in an environment like you are, people should. Those police should have seen the situation that you were in and realized that you were not the. The catalyst of that situation. You were the. You were the circumstance. Now what? No one. No one helped you?

Kelly (23:05)

No one ever said, why did you run away?

Host - Scotty (23:10)

No one asked you why?

Kelly (23:12)

No, the whole. The whole emphasis was making sure that I wasn't going to do it again. That I kept having to promise that I wasn't going to do it again. And that's. That's the only reason the psychiatrist would sign me off. And like I said, he was a friend of my birth mother's. And it was all about just making sure that I wouldn't run away again. And no one, at any point. I mean, the social services never even came round and said, why do you want to run away? Why did this happen? It was in the fricking papers the next day because apparently it cost the police, like, well over a grand to look for me, which would have been.

Host - Scotty (23:51)

10 grand now, you know, with inflation and.

Kelly (23:54)

Yeah, I mean, this was like in the. In the night in the mid-90s. And no one even, like, looks at my birth mother who was systematically physically and emotionally abusing me. No one even asked if I was okay. It was crazy. And that. That's why I ended up leaving at 17, which is a couple years later. I think I was, like 15 when that happened.

Host - Scotty (24:21)

It's such an important time in your life, you know, that's when you're really figuring out who you are as a young man and where you're gonna fit into the world. And man, I'm just, you know, I think it's, it's, it's so important we share our experiences. But again, I'm, I hate knowing that my big brother went through stuff like that. And it gives me really like put sled in my pencil to really deal with and help people and like sharing these stories and discussing them and, and trying to, to come at articles like this with an unpredetermined bias. Reading about it, talking about it and sort of figuring it out. And again, it comes back to we need more empathy, we need more understanding. We need better education for people that are in, you know, services like the police or paramedics need to understand that when they're dealing with a person that's in a meltdown state, it is a meltdown and not, you know, not, not just a cry for help. It's, it is a, it's a really dangerous place for neurodivergent people to be. And I do hope that us talking about it is just a little bit of progression and adds, and adds to a bit of help. I really do.

Kelly (25:32)

But overall, I think it was, it is a, it's a good article and it's, it's good that that awareness is getting out there. So.

Host - Scotty (25:40)

But we're talking about it, aren't we?

Kelly (25:42)

Yeah, more power to it. But it just does come back to the same thing of we are just massively undiagnosed, just massively adults, kids. There's just more needs to be done. And the worst thing is that it just seems to be getting less. Less is being done. But that's, that's a different subject for a different day. But yeah, right, okay.

Host - Scotty (26:13)

This has been your hot topic this week.

Kelly (26:15)

I love how we end things.

Host - Scotty (26:16)

It's like, yeah, bye everybody. Yeah, no, thank you so much for listening. As always, tune in on Monday with Ashley for Mindful Mondays. We will be back with your Thursday episode. And if this story resonated with you or you have your own experiences with going missing, we'd love to hear your story in the comments. Or if there's any articles that you read that you would love us to talk about, send them to us. We will happily read them and maybe talk about them. So that has been your hot topic. Take care of yourself. Be safe out there. Be kind, be supportive, be neuro affirming. We'll catch you next time nightly.

Kelly (26:48)

Bye.

Host - Scotty (26:53)

Thanks for tuning in to the neurodivergent experience. We hope today's episode sparked something for you. Whether it's a new idea, a bit of validation, or just a moment of connection? Remember, new episodes are every week, so be sure to join us for the next one for more conversations and insights into the neurodivergent experience. If you've enjoyed this podcast, help us grow. You can do that by rating and reviewing this show. Your support makes a huge difference in helping us reach more people who could benefit from these content conversations. You can connect with us on social media, find us on Instagram, Facebook, Tik Tok. Just search for the neurodivergent experience. Thank you again for listening and until next time, take care of yourself. You're not alone in this journey.

Christy (27:51)

Boost Mobile is now sending experts nationwide to deliver and set up customers new phones. Wait, we're going on tour? We're delivering and setting up customers phones. It's not a tour.

Kelly (27:59)

Not with that attitude.

Christy (28:00)

Introducing store to door switch and get a new device with expert setup and delivery. Delivery available for select devices purchased@boostmobile.com Big news. Boost Mobile is now sending experts nationwide to deliver and set up customers new phones at home or work. Wait, we're going on tour? Not a tour. We're delivering and setting up customers phones so it's easier to upgrade. Let's get in the tour bus and hit the road. No, not a tour bus. It's a regular car we use to deliver and set up customers phones at home or work. Are you a groupie on this tour? We deliver and set up phones. It's not a tour.

Host - Scotty (28:27)

Oh you're definitely a groupie.

Christy (28:28)

Introducing store to door switch and get a new device with expert setup and delivery wherever you're at. Delivery available for select devices purchased@boostmobile.com hey, you want to pay just 10 bucks for your phone service at Boost Mobile? Just 10 bucks for your phone service at Boost Mobile? Yeah, I totally do.

Kelly (28:47)

Yeah I totally do.

Christy (28:50)

This holiday the best gift is for you. Pay just $10 a month for the first two months, then $25 a month forever with unlimited data, talk and text. Offer valid@boostmobile.com after your first two months you'll pay $25 a month unless you go online or call to cancel. Requires auto.