Mindful Mondays With Ashley Bentley: Loving Yourself | Acceptance as the Foundation for Change

Summary

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Podcast Summary: The Neurodivergent Experience – Mindful Mondays With Ashley Bentley: Loving Yourself | Acceptance as the Foundation for Change

Hosts: Jordan James & Simon Scott
Guest Host/Meditation Guide: Ashley Bentley
Date: December 29, 2025

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Overview of the Episode

In this special "Mindful Mondays" episode, guest meditation guide Ashley Bentley leads an intimate exploration of self-acceptance and self-love, positioning acceptance as the true foundation for meaningful and lasting change—particularly within neurodivergent lives. As 2025 transitions into 2026, Ashley invites listeners to replace critical year-end self-inventories with a gentler, more compassionate approach, drawing on mindfulness, psychological insight, and traditions of loving-kindness meditation.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Year-End Drive for Change

• Setting the Scene (01:39–03:48)
  • Ashley acknowledges the seasonal pressure to reflect and set resolutions, recognizing both its hopefulness and its pitfalls.
  • “There’s a collective pull toward change… conversations around goals, resolutions. What do you want to do differently next year?” (02:34, Ashley Bentley)
  • Frames January as an opportunity but warns against starting “breakthroughs” from a place of self-rejection.

2. Cultural and Psychological Barriers to Change

• The Paradox of Pressure (03:48–06:43)
  • Describes how self-critique and societal pressure impede true healing and growth, especially for neurodivergent people whose nervous systems are "exquisitely sensitive to threat and possibility.”
  • “When the nervous system receives the message that something is wrong with you, change actually becomes harder.” (04:58, Ashley Bentley)
  • References Alan Gordon: “You’re not a project to fix. You’re a person to care for.” (05:13, cited by Ashley Bentley)
  • Explains why most resolutions—born from adversarial self-relationships—fail.

3. Acceptance as a Biological Necessity

• Why Acceptance Works (06:43–09:07)
  • Acceptance, not force, lays the ground for transformation—especially in neurodivergent minds that crave safety over change imposed by demand.
  • “Acceptance is not a spiritual luxury for us. It’s a biological necessity… when your neurodivergent brain is met with curiosity rather than criticism, something remarkable happens.” (08:17, Ashley Bentley)
  • Acceptance precedes love; it is the more accessible starting point.

4. Redefining Acceptance

• Myths and Clarity (09:07–11:24)
  • Dispels the myths that acceptance means complacency or resignation.
  • Quotes Carl Jung: “What we resist persists and what we accept can be transformed.” (09:41, Ashley Bentley citing Jung)
  • Encourages listeners to see themselves as human to be understood, rather than problems to be solved.

5. Wisdom from Ram Dass

• From Judgment to Appreciation (11:24–15:18)
  • Shares spiritual teacher Ram Dass’s approach: “Rather than asking, how can I love myself more? What if we asked, how can I appreciate myself more?” (12:54, Ashley Bentley paraphrasing Ram Dass)
  • Uses the metaphor of appreciating trees in a forest without judgment or comparison: “They simply are what they are.” (13:07)
  • Reveals that honesty about our full humanity—not spiritual perfection—frees us for real connection and transformation.

6. Practical Foundation: Loving-Kindness (Metta) Meditation

• Living Loving-Kindness (15:28–17:00)
  • Connects acceptance to the lived practice of loving-kindness, not just something to be done “on a cushion.”
  • Praises meditation teacher Christopher Manning and extols loving-kindness as a practice for everyday life, especially during self-critical times.

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Guided Meditation & Affirmations

7. Guided Heart-Centered Meditation (18:08–27:45)

• Deep Self-Compassion
  • Listeners are invited to settle, focus on their heart center, and imagine golden light filling them.
  • Classic metta phrases are gently repeated:
    • “May I be happy. May I be well. May I be safe and protected. May my heart and mind awaken and be free.” (21:07–24:59, meditation segment)
  • Listeners visualize looking in a mirror and sincerely offering these blessings to themselves.

8. Affirmations to Anchor Self-Love & Acceptance (27:49–34:33)

• Shifting Self-Perception
  • Affirmations include:
    • “I am worthy of love and kindness exactly as I am.”
    • “My body is not a problem to be solved, but a wonder to be cherished.”
    • “I am not behind, I am becoming.” (32:29, Ashley Bentley)
    • “I am free to love myself without conditions or expectations.”
    • “My worth is not defined by my appearance. I am valuable as I am.”
  • Emphasizes that even if belief feels distant, the intention matters.

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• Ashley Bentley:
  • “You stop treating yourself as a problem to be solved and start treating yourself as a human to be understood.” (10:07)
  • “We are lives to be inhabited. And from that place, real change becomes possible.” (15:18)
  • “You don’t change your life by rejecting who you are today. You change your life by building a relationship with yourself that’s rooted in honesty, compassion, and respect.” (36:36)
• Cultural and philosophical references:
  • Carl Jung: “What we resist persists and what we accept can be transformed.” (09:41)
  • Alan Gordon: “You’re not a project to fix. You’re a person to care for.” (05:13)
  • Ram Dass: “Rather than asking, how can I love myself more? What if we asked, how can I appreciate myself more?” (12:54)

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Key Segment Timestamps

• Year-End Reflections & Change – 01:39–03:48
• The Problem with Resolutions & Pressure – 03:48–06:43
• Acceptance as Starting Point – 06:43–09:07
• Jung on Acceptance – 09:41
• Ram Dass on Appreciation – 11:24–15:18
• Warm-Up for Meditation – 18:17
• Heart-Centered Loving-Kindness – 20:10–27:45
• Self-Love Affirmations – 27:49–34:33
• Final Reflections & January Preview – 35:36–36:49

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Tone & Style

Calm, compassionate, and deeply encouraging, Ashley’s language remains gentle throughout. She invites curiosity and care for one’s neurodivergent experience, often emphasizing the wisdom and dignity of one’s present self. The meditation and affirmations unfold with soothing patience and a focus on inner permission rather than demands.

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Closing

Ashley urges listeners to approach 2026 not by fixing or rejecting themselves but by “falling in love with your humanity, trusting the version of you that brought you here,” and letting acceptance be the foundation for any future growth. She promises January’s Mindful Mondays will go deeper into the “how” of change. She closes with a gentle reminder: “We’re all just walking each other home.” (36:53, Ashley Bentley)

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Resources Mentioned:

• Carl Jung’s work
• Alan Gordon (on self-compassion in healing)
• Ram Dass (on appreciation & humanness)
• Christopher Manning (Loving-kindness/Metta Meditation teacher)
• Ashley Bentley’s guided practices on Insight Timer

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For More:

• Find Ashley Bentley on Insight Timer
• Connect via The Neurodivergent Experience’s Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube channels

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Transcript

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[Meditation Guide / Ashley Bentley]

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[Ashley Bentley]

Welcome, dear friends, to Mindful Mondays. I'm your host, Ashley Bentley, and this is your weekly invitation to pause, reflect, and reconnect with your inner world right here on the neurodivergent Experience podcast. So here we are on this final, mindful Monday of the year. And if you're listening in real time, we are standing right at that familiar threshold, aren't we? That space between one year and the next. And I want to begin today on a lighter note. Because while this time of year is often filled with reflection, it's also filled with possibility.

[Podcast Co-Host or Guest]

Fresh pages, new questions, A sense, however.

[Ashley Bentley]

Quiet, that something new might be ready to emerge. Many of you will already be noticing the collective pull toward change, conversations around goals, resolutions. What do you want to do differently next year?

[Podcast Co-Host or Guest]

And while there's nothing wrong with that impulse, in fact it can be quite healthy, it's how we approach it that.

[Ashley Bentley]

Makes all the difference. So all next month, I'll be guiding.

[Podcast Co-Host or Guest]

You in how to create a breakthrough in your life. Whatever that breakthrough might look like for.

[Ashley Bentley]

You There's a clear, reliable way to.

[Podcast Co-Host or Guest]

Approach change, no matter what the goal.

[Ashley Bentley]

And throughout January, I'll be deconstructing the anatomy of a breakthrough so that you can feel inspired and supported and genuinely ready to create positive change in your life. But every transformation has a starting point, doesn't it?

[Podcast Co-Host or Guest]

And today's episode is exactly that. So today we're laying the foundation for your breakthrough.

[Ashley Bentley]

And it might feel quite different from the way you've been taught to approach change in the past.

[Podcast Co-Host or Guest]

This foundation is kinder, it's steadier, and ultimately far more effective. So there's something subtle that often happens around New Year. Without quite realizing it, many of us begin to place ourselves under a microscope. We scan for flaws, for habits we don't like, for parts of ourselves that.

[Ashley Bentley]

We'D rather not see anymore.

[Podcast Co-Host or Guest]

Our bodies, our appearance, our behaviors, our.

[Ashley Bentley]

Supposed status in life.

[Podcast Co-Host or Guest]

And suddenly our what began as a hopeful desire for change turns into a.

[Ashley Bentley]

Quiet inventory of everything that feels wrong. Now, this isn't a personal failing. It's quite cultural. We live in a world that constantly asks us to optimize and upgrade and improve. And at New Year, that message often gets louder.

[Podcast Co-Host or Guest]

But here's the paradox. When the nervous system receives the message that something is wrong with you, change actually becomes harder.

[Ashley Bentley]

As Alan Gordon so beautifully puts it.

[Podcast Co-Host or Guest]

You'Re not a project to fix. You're a person to care for. If your brain is constantly getting the message that something's wrong with you, healing slows down. He healing starts with how you treat yourself. And that line alone is worth sitting with. Because so much personal development fails, not due to lack of willpower, but because it's built on an adversarial relationship with the self.

[Ashley Bentley]

So there's a reason why New Year's resolutions have such a poor track record.

[Podcast Co-Host or Guest]

And it's not because people are lazy or that they don't want it enough. It's because most resolutions are made from the thinking mind and directed from the unconscious. Much of what we do each day, how we eat and move and respond, how we cope, how we rest, all of those things are governed by automatic patterns. Programs. And when you suddenly demand that those.

[Ashley Bentley]

Programs change overnight, the unconscious does what.

[Podcast Co-Host or Guest]

It'S designed to do.

[Ashley Bentley]

It pulls you back toward the familiar.

[Podcast Co-Host or Guest]

Not to sabotage you, but to keep you safe. This is why sustainable change rarely begins with force. It actually begins with acceptance.

[Ashley Bentley]

And I know how counterintuitive that can sound. Surely accepting myself as I am will make me complacent and surely loving the parts I want to Change means I won't change them.

[Podcast Co-Host or Guest]

But in reality, the opposite is true. And there's another important layer to name.

[Ashley Bentley]

Here, especially for your beautiful, neurodivergent brain and body.

[Podcast Co-Host or Guest]

We are wired to process deeply. We feel more, we notice more, we carry more. Our nervous systems are exquisitely sensitive to pattern and meaning, to threat and possibility.

[Meditation Guide / Ashley Bentley]

Which is a gift.

[Podcast Co-Host or Guest]

But it also means that much of our behavior runs on well established unconscious programs designed to protect us.

[Ashley Bentley]

So when January arrives with its loud call to change yourself, your system doesn't hear inspiration.

[Podcast Co-Host or Guest]

It hears pressure. It hears demand. And pressure and demand rarely create lasting transformation, especially for a nervous system that has spent a lifetime adapting, masking, and working hard to just belong. And this is why acceptance is not a spiritual luxury for us. It's a biological necessity. When your neurodivergent brain is met with curiosity rather than criticism, something remarkable happens. The nervous system softens and defenses loosen and energy frees up. And only then does change become possible. And not because you're forcing yourself into a new shape, but because you're finally working with the system you actually have. This is why so many of us struggle with the idea of loving ourselves as a goal. Love can feel too far away, too idealized, too conditional. But acceptance, acceptance we can begin with.

[Meditation Guide / Ashley Bentley]

And from that place, change grows organically.

[Podcast Co-Host or Guest]

One of the most misunderstood ideas in psychology and spirituality is acceptance. Acceptance isn't resignation, and it's not giving up. And it's also not saying this is fine forever. It is saying this is what's here now. And only from that place can something genuinely new emerge. And Dr. Carl Jung expressed this with.

[Ashley Bentley]

His characteristic clarity when he wrote, in.

[Podcast Co-Host or Guest]

Essence, that what we resist persists and what we accept can be transformed. When we push against parts of ourselves with shame or frustration, those parts actually dig in. But we, when we meet them with curiosity and care, they soften. And this is why the work we're stepping into in January around breakthroughs and meaningful change must begin here, with respect for the version of you that got you this far. This is really the heart of today's episode. The invitation to fall in love with your humanity.

[Ashley Bentley]

Not in a performative, positive vibes only way, but in a more grounded and honest way.

[Podcast Co-Host or Guest]

To recognize that the person you are today did the best they could with the awareness, resources and nervous system capacity they had at the time. Every coping strategy, every detour, every, every delay, none of it was random. And when you begin to see yourself through that lens, something relaxes you. Stop treating yourself as a problem, to be solved and start treating yourself as a human to be understood. And from there, change becomes collaborative, not coercive.

[Ashley Bentley]

And this brings me to someone whose work has shaped this understanding profoundly for me, the spiritual teacher Ram Dass, who I have mentioned many times on this podcast.

[Podcast Co-Host or Guest]

Ram Dass spoke often about the difference between loving ourselves and accepting ourselves. And he suggested that acceptance might actually be the deeper doorway. He explained how most of us are socialized very early to become acceptable. As children, we learn, often unconsciously, that certain ways of being are rewarded and others are quietly discouraged. And before we have language or reasoning, many of us internalize the feeling that something about our natural state is not quite okay. And what grows from that is a personality constantly scanning the world. Do you approve of me? Am I good enough? Have I done enough? And the baseline becomes very subtly negative, as though life is something we must.

[Ashley Bentley]

Keep disproving our own worthiness against.

[Podcast Co-Host or Guest]

Ram Dass suggested something radical instead. Rather than asking, how can I love myself more? What if we asked, how can I appreciate myself more?

[Ashley Bentley]

And he spoke about walking through the forest and appreciating trees, not judging them.

[Podcast Co-Host or Guest]

As good or bad, and not comparing.

[Ashley Bentley]

Tall ones to short ones, bent ones to straight ones.

[Podcast Co-Host or Guest]

They simply are what they are.

[Ashley Bentley]

And if this sounds familiar, it's because we explored this very metaphor earlier this.

[Podcast Co-Host or Guest]

Year in episode seven of the podcast.

[Ashley Bentley]

Where we practiced turning people into trees, inspired directly by Ram Dass's guidance.

[Podcast Co-Host or Guest]

When we see ourselves and each other in that way, something releases. And Ram Dass was deeply honest about his own humanity, about being tired, sometimes irritable, closed down, petulant. And for a long time, he felt embarrassed by that because it didn't match.

[Ashley Bentley]

Who he thought he was supposed to be.

[Podcast Co-Host or Guest]

Until he realized that pretending to be spiritual while hiding his humanity was cutting him off from real connection. The work, he said, was to risk.

[Ashley Bentley]

Being human, to allow himself to be.

[Podcast Co-Host or Guest]

Exactly what he was. And in doing so, change began to happen naturally, faster, softer, more. Truthfully, he came to use the word appreciation. Not reverence, not judgment, just appreciation, the way we appreciate a river even in flood, a tree even in decay, a landscape even in winter. The universe as it is can contains both beauty and horror. And our humanity is no different. When we allow that, when we stop trying to edit ourselves, micromanage ourselves, we begin to experience something deeply freeing, that we are no longer projects to be perfected.

[Meditation Guide / Ashley Bentley]

We are lives to be inhabited. And from that place, real change becomes possible.

[Podcast Co-Host or Guest]

And earlier this month, we explored loving kindness or meta meditation as a deeply healing practice. And today's episode is in many ways a continuation of that theme, because loving kindness isn't just something we practice on a cushion, it's a way of relating to ourselves in everyday life, and I'm really delighted to share that. I've since reconnected with Christopher Manning, the very teacher I spoke about in that episode.

[Ashley Bentley]

You can find his work on Insight.

[Podcast Co-Host or Guest]

Timer as well as Substack, and what.

[Ashley Bentley]

A treasure he is, a man genuinely.

[Podcast Co-Host or Guest]

Dedicated to sharing meditation as a lived, embodied path. His guidance and the wider lineage of loving kindness practice has shaped this work more than I can say, and today's.

[Meditation Guide / Ashley Bentley]

Meditation is a gentle, expansive take on.

[Podcast Co-Host or Guest]

Loving kindness, also known as metta. Woven with imagery, intention and quiet inner permission, today's practice invites love and acceptance toward the whole of you, your humanity, your nervous system, your inner world, and the entirety of the life you are living right now.

[Ashley Bentley]

As we've already mentioned, this time of.

[Podcast Co-Host or Guest]

Year can quietly amplify self judgment. As the year closes, many people notice a tendency to look at themselves with a more critical eye. Old comparisons resurface. Wishes for things to be different grow louder. So let's close 2025 off and start 2026 feeling this deep appreciation of self. This meditation is an invitation to soften that inner gaze, to meet yourself with the kind of kindness that makes real change possible by allowing love to reach all parts of you, the seen and unseen, the parts you like, and the parts that are still learning how to trust. So if you are currently driving or operating heavy machinery, please make sure to pause the recording until you can safely.

[Meditation Guide / Ashley Bentley]

Come back into stillness.

[Podcast Co-Host or Guest]

And so just take a moment to get yourself completely comfortable.

[Meditation Guide / Ashley Bentley]

Warm and supported, and adjust yourself in any way that your body is asking for right now.

[Podcast Co-Host or Guest]

Good.

[Meditation Guide / Ashley Bentley]

That's right. There's nowhere to go and nothing to fix. And whenever you're ready, feel free to gently close your eyes. And as you begin to settle, notice the natural rhythm of your breath, The gentle rise and fall that happens.

[Podcast Co-Host or Guest]

All by itself.

[Meditation Guide / Ashley Bentley]

And just allow your attention now to drift toward the center of your chest, your heart space.

[Podcast Co-Host or Guest]

The quiet center point in the middle of the chest.

[Meditation Guide / Ashley Bentley]

This is a place long recognized across cultures and traditions as the meeting place.

[Podcast Co-Host or Guest]

Of emotion, presence.

[Meditation Guide / Ashley Bentley]

And meaning. And as you focus your attention on your breathing, your already happening breath, Can you now just imagine, only imagine now, that your breath is moving directly through your your heart space, Breathing in through.

[Ashley Bentley]

The heart.

[Meditation Guide / Ashley Bentley]

And breathing out through the heart. And with each breath, picture a warm golden light entering this space. The kind of light that you see just before sunset. Soft golden Light, spacious and reassuring. And let this golden light warm the heart gently, not forcing anything, just creating conditions for softness. And as your attention rests here, this sacred space of your heart, you may notice feelings, memories or sensations arise. And simply allow them. This is your emotional center and it responds when it is met with presence. And now that you are experiencing this warmth, this beautiful golden light, as you're breathing in and out of your heart space, we now begin to offer simple phrases as intentions spoken gently inward. I will say them aloud and you'll repeat them silently, as if the words are arising directly from the heart. The first phrase is may I be happy. Speaking it silently from inside as if you are saying from your heart space. And really let that feeling get drawn into your heart center. May I be happy. Just let those words resonate a wish for your own happiness. May I be well, may I be safe and protected. May my heart and mind awaken and be free. May I be happy.

[Ashley Bentley]

May I be.

[Meditation Guide / Ashley Bentley]

Well, May I be safe and protected. May my heart and mind awaken and be free.

[Podcast Co-Host or Guest]

Just continue saying these phrases to yourself.

[Meditation Guide / Ashley Bentley]

And remember, it's not really the phrasing that's important, but rather the intent and the sincerity of love towards oneself that matters. So whatever phrasing arouses that feeling of self, love, spine, tears.

[Ashley Bentley]

And I'm going to leave you for a moment to continue these phrases.

[Meditation Guide / Ashley Bentley]

And when the mind wanders, just allow your awareness to drop back down into your heart center and continue on. And now I'd like you to imagine.

[Podcast Co-Host or Guest]

Standing in front of a mirror.

[Meditation Guide / Ashley Bentley]

Visualize seeing yourself fully as you are today and as you've been cultivating this love radiating from your heart center. You're going to speak these phrases again, looking deep into your eyes, speaking directly to your reflection from your heart center, beaming this golden light that you've cultivated, feeling this love. May you be happy.

[Ashley Bentley]

May you be well.

[Meditation Guide / Ashley Bentley]

May you be safe and protected. May your heart and mind awaken and be free and really feel this love connecting with this reflection of yourself.

[Ashley Bentley]

Wishing yourself all of these beautiful blessings.

[Meditation Guide / Ashley Bentley]

May you be happy.

[Ashley Bentley]

May you be well.

[Meditation Guide / Ashley Bentley]

May you be safe, protected. May your heart and mind awaken and be free. I'm going to be silent for a few moments while you continue. And now I'd like to offer a number of affirmations for you to repeat inwardly as you continue to look at yourself in this mirror. Really feel that deep well of love within you and allow these words to sink into your heart. And you don't need to force yourself to believe them. Just let Them float in the open field of your awareness. I am worthy of love and kindness exactly as I am. I honor my body as a vessel of life, strength and resilience. I am learning to embrace myself with gentle loving awareness. My body is not a problem to be solved, but a wonder to be cherished. I release self criticism and embrace self compassion. I give myself permission to feel at home in my body. And just let these words sink deeply like rain nourishing the soil.

[Podcast Co-Host or Guest]

And imagine.

[Meditation Guide / Ashley Bentley]

Them spreading through your body bringing acceptance, ease and gentleness to each cell. I am a beautiful expression of life, worthy of love exactly as I am. Every part of me is worthy of love and respect. I celebrate my unique beauty and the journey my body has traveled. I embrace the wisdom within my body, trusting in its guidance.

[Ashley Bentley]

My heart holds boundless love and I.

[Meditation Guide / Ashley Bentley]

Extend it to myself fully. I offer forgiveness to my body for any past judgments. We are at peace. I allow tenderness towards the parts of me that have struggled. I meet myself with the same kindness I offer others. I cherish the strength and resilience my body has shown me. I am whole and complete in this moment, exactly as I am. I am gentle with myself, allowing space for growth and healing.

[Ashley Bentley]

I am not behind, I am becoming.

[Meditation Guide / Ashley Bentley]

My body is deserving of rest, nourishment and care. I allow myself to be human, imperfect, learning and whole. I give myself permission to be exactly.

[Ashley Bentley]

Where I am today.

[Meditation Guide / Ashley Bentley]

I am free to love myself without conditions or expectations.

[Ashley Bentley]

I am a living, breathing miracle and.

[Meditation Guide / Ashley Bentley]

I honor that truth. My worth is not defined by my appearance. I am valuable as I am. I send love to every cell in my body, welcoming peace and harmony. I radiate love from within and it fills every corner of my being. I am free to express myself authentically with confidence and joy. I welcome the fullness of life knowing I am worthy of happiness. My heart opens to self love, allowing it to flow effortlessly. I honor my journey knowing that each step is perfect in its own way.

[Ashley Bentley]

My inner light shines brightly reminding me.

[Meditation Guide / Ashley Bentley]

Of my beauty within. I am present with myself, embracing all that I am.

[Ashley Bentley]

Love flows through me, to me and from me, creating harmony within.

[Meditation Guide / Ashley Bentley]

Really feel these affirmations resonating deeply, being as gentle with yourself as possible. And whenever your beautiful minds are ready.

[Ashley Bentley]

And willing to accept all of these.

[Meditation Guide / Ashley Bentley]

Beautiful blessings, only then will you open your eyes. Thank you so much for joining me.

[Ashley Bentley]

On this last Monday of 2025.

[Meditation Guide / Ashley Bentley]

And as we stand on the edge of a new year, here's the gentle reframe I'd love to leave with you. You don't change your life by rejecting who you are today. You change your life by building a relationship with yourself that's rooted in honesty, compassion, and respect.

[Ashley Bentley]

And January will be a month of breakthroughs. Here on Mindful Mondays, we'll explore the.

[Meditation Guide / Ashley Bentley]

How of change, the process, the psychology, the practice, and today is the foundation. Falling in love with your humanity, trusting the version of you that brought you here, and letting that be the place that you begin. And if you'd like to go deeper, you can find more guided practices on.

[Podcast Co-Host or Guest]

My Insight Timer page.

[Meditation Guide / Ashley Bentley]

Just search for Ashley Bentley.

[Ashley Bentley]

You'll find courses and bedtime stories and.

[Podcast Co-Host or Guest]

Meditations designed to help you live with presence and purpose.

[Ashley Bentley]

Thank you so much for walking this December journey with me.

[Meditation Guide / Ashley Bentley]

And remember, we're all just walking each other home.

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