The Neurodivergent Experience

Mindful Mondays With Ashley Bentley: Radical Permission | Doing December Your Way | Releasing Expectations, Reclaiming Peace

Hosts: Jordan James and Simon Scott
Featured Guest: Ashley Bentley
Release Date: December 22, 2025

Episode Overview

This gentle and powerful Mindful Mondays edition features trauma-informed mindfulness teacher Ashley Bentley discussing “Radical Permission” for neurodivergent people—especially during the emotionally charged holiday season. Ashley explores why December is so challenging, how embodied memories and masking resurface, and guides listeners in choosing self-care over people-pleasing. The episode culminates in an extended poetic meditation, inviting radical permission to occupy one’s own life.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Emotional Weight of December for Neurodivergent Folks

• December’s Lived Reality:
  Not the “glossy” holiday season, but the real one—tired, tender, filled with sensory and relational overwhelm.

  “December has been our focus. Not the glossy version of December, but ... the tired one, the tender one, the one that stretches us emotionally, socially, relationally.”
  (Ashley Bentley, 03:10)

• Sensory Overwhelm, Loneliness, and Lost Routines:
  Challenges compound as routines disappear and external expectations increase.

Family, Old Dynamics, and the “Circle of Control”

• Family Systems & Nervous System Memories:
  Even if you logically know you’re safe, your body reverts to childhood patterns around certain people.

  “You might logically understand that someone isn’t dangerous... And yet the moment you’re around certain people, your body tightens, your breath changes, your shoulders lift...”
  (Ashley Bentley, 04:17)

• Re-emerging Roles and Masking:
  Masking as an adaptive safety mechanism doesn’t vanish with age, especially under pressure to conform at gatherings.
• Circle of Control:
  Building on last week’s episode—focus on what’s yours to carry, let go of what isn’t.

Defining Radical Permission

• Radical Permission Explained:
  Not about rebellion or selfishness, but honoring what your body truly needs—even if it disappoints others.

  “Radical permission offers a third way. It says you don’t have to explain your body to earn the right to listen to it.”
  (Ashley Bentley, 08:25)

• Examples of Radical Permission:
  • Leaving early
  • Taking breaks
  • Saying no without a speech
  • Opting out of unsafe conversations
  • Not performing emotional labor for those who don’t offer care
• Decoupling Disappointment from Harm:
  Remembering that disappointing someone isn’t the same as doing them harm.

The Cost of Masking and Performing

• Impact of Masking:
  Masking drains energy, increases anxiety, disconnects you from your body, erodes self-trust.

  “But masking has a cost. It drains energy, it increases anxiety, it disconnects you from your body. And over time, it erodes self trust.”
  (Ashley Bentley, 13:18)

• Radical Permission as Antidote:
  Invites self-inquiry:
  • “What is this costing me?”
  • “If being in a certain space requires you to shrink... that’s not a personal failure. That’s information.”

Navigating Disappointment and the Urge to Explain (JADE Cycle)

• Managing Others’ Disappointment:
  For neurodivergent folks, others’ disappointment can trigger deep fears of rejection or being “too much.”
• The JADE Cycle (Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain):
  Many are reflexively pulled into over-explaining.

  “You don’t owe clarity to people who are invested in misunderstanding you... You don’t have to keep refining your explanation until it finally lands for someone else.”
  (Ashley Bentley, 19:43)

• Discernment vs. Dismissiveness:
  It’s OK to let explanation build bridges, but also OK to stop when it only erodes self-safety.

Grief, Absence, and Permission to Feel

• Allowing for Grief:
  Acknowledge empty chairs and absences. Give yourself permission to carry both love and sadness.

  “Permission to feel tender. Permission to not be over it. Permission to carry love and sadness at the same time.”
  (Ashley Bentley, 23:45)

• Future Episode Teaser:
  A deeper dive on grief is coming.

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On Embodied Relational Memory:

  “You’re not just an adult at a table. You’re a younger version of yourself, trying not to be too much, trying not to be misunderstood.”
  (Ashley Bentley, 06:01)

• On the cost-benefit of social spaces:

  “If being in a certain space requires you to shrink, to perform, to override your needs, or to dissociate slightly just to get through, that’s not a personal failure. That’s information.”
  (Ashley Bentley, 13:58)

• On Not Owing Explanations:

  “Not everyone has the taste for honey. And that’s not your burden to carry. Keep being sweet. The right ones will know.”
  (Ashley Bentley quoting, 21:18)

• On Choosing Yourself:

  “You are allowed to let some people not understand you. You are allowed to stop mid explanation, to offer fewer words, to say ‘this is what works for me,’ and let that be enough.”
  (Ashley Bentley, 22:23)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [02:01] – Introduction to Mindful Mondays and winter solstice symbolism
• [03:10] – Why December is so challenging (the “lived” version)
• [06:01] – How familial and social dynamics activate old patterns
• [08:25] – Radical permission defined and practical examples
• [13:18] – The cost of masking and performing for others
• [17:50] – JADE cycle and the urge to explain neurodivergent needs
• [19:43] – Memorable “honey” quote: permission to not justify yourself
• [22:23] – Choosing not to over-explain; letting “this is what works for me” be enough
• [23:45] – Grief, absence, and self-permission around feelings
• [25:50] – Transition to guided meditation
• [27:00-32:45] – Radical Permission Guided Meditation (see next section)

Guided Radical Permission Meditation (27:00–32:45)

• Format: Poetic, grounding, affirming, acknowledging all feelings as valid.
• Key Permissions Given:
  • To inhabit your own life
  • To say no or yes
  • To honor your feelings without explanation
  • To rest, to be both strong and weak
  • To keep parts of your story private
  • To have a voice and to be silent
• Closing Reflections:

  “You are not here to live by permission granted from outside. You are here to listen inward.”
  (Ashley Bentley, 32:00)

  • Inspired by Rachel Alana Ra Falconer (“Midwives of the Soul”)

Conclusion & Takeaways

• Radical Permission Is Ongoing:

  “Radical permission is not a one time decision. It’s a practice, a remembering. A quiet commitment to yourself that says, I will no longer sacrifice my nervous system for the sake of being palatable.”
  (Ashley Bentley, 32:40)

• Invitation:
  Carry radical permission into spaces that feel heavy or activating this season. Practice choosing care, safety, and self-trust.
• Next Week Preview:
  “Compassion” with teachings from Ram Dass and a self-love meditation.

Summary for New Listeners

This episode offers practical wisdom and heartfelt permission for navigating the holidays as a neurodivergent person. Through personal insight, trauma-aware education, and a poetic meditation, Ashley Bentley encourages you to honor your needs, set boundaries, release the urge to over-explain, and carry radical self-care through relationally or emotionally intense seasons. Safe, validating, and empowering—highly recommended for anyone struggling with December’s demands.

For ongoing support, Ashley can be found on Insight Timer. Next week’s Mindful Mondays focuses on integrating compassion and self-love for the new year.