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Welcome, dear friends, to Mindful Mondays, a gentle space right here on the neurodivergent Experience podcast, where we slow the nervous system, soften the inner world and remember what it feels like to come home to ourselves. And yesterday marked the winter solstice, a threshold moment where the darkness reaches its peak and the light begins to return. And from here, the days lengthen and there's something deeply regulating about that truth. The reminder that cycles turn, light returns, and nothing stays at its most difficult forever. And it's a beautiful mirror for the work that we're doing. We don't force our way back into the light. We allow it back in slowly, and it feels like a fitting moment to pause, to acknowledge the darkness we've moved through, and to gently welcome the light back in. And if you've been following along over the last few weeks, you'll know that December has been our focus. Not the glossy version of December, but the lived one, the tired one, the tender one, the one that stretches us emotionally, socially, relationally. And in recent episodes, we've explored the quiet weight this month can bring, the sensory overwhelm, the loneliness, the exhaustion, the way the nervous system can feel constantly on when routines disappear and expectations multiply. Last week we talked about the circle of control, about choosing what you carry and letting go of what was never yours to manage. And today we're moving into the next layer of that work. Because for many neurodivergent people, December isn't just loud or busy or tiring, it's relationally activating. This is the season where we're more likely to find ourselves around people we don't feel entirely safe with, that could be family members or extended relatives, colleagues, friends of friends, relationships where old roles and old wounds and old expectations have a way of re emerging. Even when nothing overtly wrong is happening, your body knows. So today we're talking about radical permission. Not permission as rebellion and not permission as selfishness. Not permission as doing whatever you want, but permission as something far more grounded and far more healing. The permission to listen to your nervous system, the permission to stop abandoning yourself for the sake of harmony. The permission to let your body lead, even if that disappoints others. And at the end of today's episode, I'll guide you through a deeply empowering, poetic, guided meditation designed to help you feel what radical permission actually is and not just understand it. So wherever you are right now, whether you're listening quietly or resting or just taking a moment just for you, I invite you to arrive gently. There's nothing you need to fix today, nothing you need to perform, nothing you need to prove. So let's begin. One of the things that often surprises people when they begin nervous system aware work is just how physical certain relationships are. And what I mean by this is you might logically understand that someone isn't dangerous. You might intellectually know that you're an adult now. You're capable, competent, independent. And yet the moment you're around certain people, your body tightens, your breath changes, your shoulders lift, your jaw clenches, your energy drops, and even your voice shifts. Now, this isn't weakness, and it's not immaturity. And it certainly isn't you being dramatic. This is memory. And for many neurodivergent people, childhood was spent learning how to adapt, how to read the room, how to anticipate reactions, and how to become more palatable, more manageable, more acceptable. Masking didn't begin as a choice. It began as a strategy. And strategies that once kept you safe don't simply disappear because you've outgrown the environment that required them. So when you're back in familiar dynamics, especially family dynamics, the nervous system doesn't check your CV or resume. It checks pattern. It asks, have I been here before? What did I need to do to survive last time? And suddenly you're not just an adult at a table. You're a younger version of yourself, trying not to be too much, trying not to be misunderstood. Just trying not to rock the boat. And this is why December can feel so destabilizing. It's not that you're regressing. It's that your body is remembering. And this is where radical permission matters. Because without it, many neurodivergent souls default to one of two options. They either override themselves completely, stay longer than feel safe, talk more than they have energy for, laugh when they don't mean it, swallow discomfort to keep the peace. Or they swing to the other extreme, cutting off, shutting down, withdrawing entirely, and then feeling guilty for needing space and ashamed for wanting distance. So radical permission offers a third third way. It says you don't have to explain your body to earn the right to listen to it. You don't need a dramatic reason to step back. You don't need to justify your limits in a language others will understand. Radical permission is not about confrontation, and it's not about being blunt or cold or unkind. It's about not betraying yourself in order to make others comfortable. It's the permission to leave early, to take breaks, to say no without a speech, to opt out of a conversation that feels unsafe, to stop performing emotional labor for people who don't meet you with care. And perhaps most importantly, its permission to let disappointment exist without making it your responsibility to fix. This includes your disappointment and theirs. And remember your circle of control that we discussed in last week's episode, learning how to figure out what is yours to carry and what isn't. And there's something else important to name here, especially for the neurodivergent brain and body. Not all discomfort in relationships is about the present moment. Most of the time, what's being activated is much older than the person in front of you, a tone of voice that feels dismissive, a look that feels like they're evaluating you, a joke that lands a little too close to an old insecurity. And suddenly, without consciously choosing it, you're back inside a familiar emotional landscape, trying harder, second guessing yourself, editing your words before they leave your mouth, and monitoring your reactions. This is where so many people tell themselves, I should be over this by now. But the nervous system doesn't work on timelines or logic and reason. It works on association. So if your body learned early on that certain kinds of people or dynamics required you to be vigilant, that learning doesn't simply vanish. And this is why. Radical permission is not about fear, fixing yourself, or forcing yourself to be braver, calmer, or thicker skinned. It's about recognizing when a room is asking more of you than you can safely give. And radical permission says, I don't need to push through this to prove that I am healed. I don't need to tolerate discomfort to earn belonging, and I don't need to abandon my body to maintain connection. Sometimes the most healing thing you can do is quietly change how much access someone has to you. Not in anger or punishment, but in care. Care for yourself. And for many neurodivergent people, masking is not a conscious decision. It's a reflex. A deeply ingrained habit of smoothing edges, anticipating expectations, and presenting a version of yourself that feels safer for others. And December has a way of intensifying this. There's an unspoken pressure to be cheerful and social, flexible, grateful and easy, to just get on with it, to make an effort to not be difficult. But masking has a cost. It drains energy, it increases anxiety, it disconnects you from your body. And over time, it erodes self trust. And radical permission is the antidote to that erosion. It gives you permission to ask, what is this costing me? And not in a dramatic way or in a self judging way, but in an honest, embodied way. If being in a certain space requires you to shrink, to perform, to override your needs, or to dissociate slightly just to get through, that's not a personal failure. That's information. And radical permission allows you to listen to that information without immediately trying to override it. And this is one of the hardest parts of this work. Because when you begin to honor your limits, someone else may feel disappointed. They may not understand your choices. They may wish you'd stayed longer, said more, or been different. And for our beautifully neurodivergent brains and bodies, disappointment can feel intolerable. It can trigger deep fears of rejection, of being seen as selfish or ungrateful, or being too much or not enough. Radical permission gently reframes this. It reminds you that disappointment is not the same as harm. That someone else's discomfort does not automatically mean that you've done something wrong. That you are allowed to choose yourself even when others wish you wouldn't. Now, it's important that I clarify. This isn't about being careless with other people's feelings. It's about recognizing that you are not responsible for managing everyone else's emotional experience, especially when doing so costs you your own well being. And there's something else that often shows up in these moments, especially around family, colleagues or long standing dynamics. The urge to explain yourself, to justify why you feel the way you do. To argue your case, to defend your needs. To make your experience make sense to someone else before you allow it to be valid to yourself. In psychology, this is sometimes referred to as the jade cycle. J, A D E Justify, argue, defend, explain. And for many neurodivergent people, this jade isn't just a strategy. It's a reflex. A deeply learned habit rooted in childhood experiences of not being believed, not being understood, or being asked again and again to explain why you were the way you were. So when someone questions your choices, your boundaries, your joy, your withdrawal, your need for space, your system automatically moves into explanation mode. But here's the thing that radical permission asks us to notice. Not everyone is asking because they want to understand. Some people are asking because they are uncomfortable with you choosing yourself. And this is where I want to share something I came across recently because it captures this so simply and so powerfully. It said, you don't need to explain your joy to people committed to misunderstanding it. Not everyone has the taste for honey. And that's not your burden to carry. Keep being sweet. The right ones will know. That's radical permission in a nutshell. You don't owe clarity to people who are invested in misunderstanding you. You don't have to keep refining your explanation until it finally lands for someone else. And you certainly don't need to jade your way into exhaustion that this holiday season radical permission invites you to pause and ask, am I explaining because connection is possible or because I'm hoping to be approved of? Because when you're caught in a jade cycle, your nervous system is no longer resting in self trust. It's negotiating your worth. And the truth is, you are allowed to let some people not understand you. You are allowed to stop mid explanation to offer fewer words to Say this is what works for me, and let that be enough. This isn't about being dismissive. It's about being discerning and recognizing when explanation builds bridges and when it quietly erodes your own safety. And radical permission is knowing the difference. And for some of you listening, there may be another layer to this season. An absence, an empty chair, a voice that should be there and isn't. A tradition that feels heavier than it used to. Grief has a way of amplifying everything, especially when the world expects celebration. And radical permission applies here, too. Permission to feel tender. Permission to not be over it. Permission to carry love and sadness at the same time. Now we will explore grief more fully in a future episode with the spaciousness and reverence it deserves. But for now, it's enough to simply acknowledge it, to let it be seen, to let it be named, and to let it be held gently. And before we move into today's guided practice, I want to let you know that this is something a little special. What follows is a meditation woven with poetry and presence, designed to be felt as much as heard. It's one of my favorite ways to guide, and I'm excited to bring it into this moment with you. So if you are currently driving or operating heavy machinery, please ensure to pause the recording now and come back to it when you can safely come back into stillness. And just find a space right now where you can gently rest your body, mind and spirit into this very moment. You could be seated or lying down. Just ensure to get yourself fully supported, nice and warm. And whenever you're ready, feel free to gently close your eyes. And just let your body settle into whatever is supporting you. The chair, the floor, the bed beneath you. There's nothing you need to change, nothing you need to control. Just notice the contact points of your body, the places where you are held, And take a slow deep breath in through your nose, A soft breath out through the mouth. And again, a nice deep breath in through your nose. And out with a sigh. And let your shoulders drop, let your jaw soften. And just notice that you are here, Feeling the weight of your body. And noticing your breath, not changing it, just noticing its rhythm. Good. That's right. And gently bring your attention into your body. Not scanning, not analyzing, just arriving. And you might notice sensation in your chest, Your belly, Your shoulders, Your hands. Wherever awareness naturally wants to land. This is your body. This is your inner landscape. And you are allowed to be here. And so now, without forcing anything, imagine what it would feel like to inhabit yourself fully. Not performing, not explaining, not Bracing. Just inhabiting. Good. That's right. And as you rest here, I'd like to offer you something not as instruction, but as permission. You have permission to inhabit your own life. Permission to say no. Permission to say yes. Permission to live inside your own knowing, your own body, your own timing. You have permission to allow what feels true and to release what does not. You have permission to feel what you feel. Anger, contentment, joy and heavy sorrow without explanation. You have permission to be strong and to know we weakness. Permission to stand for something and permission to walk away. Permission to rest. Permission to tell your story and permission to keep parts of it private. You have permission to give what is yours to give and to take what is yours to take without explaining why you stay or why you leave. You have permission to have a voice and to use it. And just as importantly, permission to be quiet. To choose when to engage and when to step back and when to let yourself be gently opened. You have permission to follow the call of your soul, even if it doesn't make sense to others, even when it's inconvenient, even when it brings more questions than answers. You are not here to live by permission granted from outside. You are here to listen inward, to trust what you feel, to honor what your body knows, and to live your truth today, even if it changes tomorrow, and to let that be enough. Just allow these words to settle not as ideas, but as sensations. Notice how your body responds when it no longer has to justify itself. Good. That's right. And let's take another slow, deep breath in and a refreshing sigh out. As you begin to bring your awareness back, back to the room around you and the support beneath you. And whenever you're ready and not a moment before, you can feel free to gently open your eyes. You don't need permission to be who you are. You already belong inside yourself. These words were inspired by a poem by Rachel Alana Ra Falconer from Midwives of the Soul. And if they stirred something in you, you're not alone. Radical permission is not a one time decision. It's a practice, a remembering. A quiet commitment to yourself that says, I will no longer sacrifice my nervous system for the sake of being palatable. And as we move through the rest of this season, may you carry that permission with you into rooms that feel heavy, into conversations that feel charged, and into moments where old patterns try to reassert themselves. You are allowed to choose care. You are allowed to choose safety. And you are allowed to choose yourself. And if you'd like more support as you practice this you're always welcome of on my Insight Timer channel where you'll find guided meditations and yoga nidras and gentle practices to help you regulate and rest and reconnect whenever you need. Just search for Ashley Bentley and next week on Mindful Mondays, we'll be ending the year with Compassion. Next week's episode is all about life, loving yourself with teachings from Ram Dass and an amazing Self Love Meta meditation where we explore self love not as something to strive for, but as something to remember. Drawing on Ram Dass's teachings and a deeply nurturing meta practice designed especially for the self. An invitation to integrate everything this year has asked us you until next time, be kind to your nervous system and remember we're all just walking each other home.