Podcast Summary:

The Neurodivergent Experience
Episode: Mindful Mondays with Ashley Bentley: The Anatomy of a Breakthrough Part II | Regulating State from Reaction to Response
Date: January 12, 2026
Host: Ashley Bentley (Mindful Mondays host), on The Neurodivergent Experience feed with Jordan James & Simon Scott

Episode Overview

This Mindful Mondays episode, hosted by Ashley Bentley, continues the series “The Anatomy of a Breakthrough,” focusing on the essential role of “state” in personal transformation—especially for neurodivergent individuals. Ashley explores how nervous system regulation underpins meaningful, sustainable change, discusses practical regulation tools, introduces “fawning” as a fourth nervous system response, and closes with a powerful, guided practice to shift from reaction to empowered response.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Foundational Role of “State” in Change

• Change starts with the body and nervous system, not with strategy or mindset.
  • “Before we talk about goals or examine our habits or even rewrite our narratives and plan our next steps, we have to look at the state of your nervous system.” (Ashley Bentley, 04:01)
• If the nervous system is overwhelmed or “on high alert,” attempts at personal change will be rooted in protection, not growth.

2. Unique Neurodivergent Sensitivities

• Neurodivergent bodies process more information—sensory, emotional, internal and external—which brings baselines closer to activation or overwhelm.
• Recognizing state is especially vital for neurodivergent people:
  • “For the neurodivergent brain and body, state is everything. You’re taking in more... more sensory data, more emotional nuance, more background noise....your baseline is often closer to activation than you might realize.” (Ashley Bentley, 06:34)

3. Body-to-Brain Regulation

• The body massively informs the brain—about 80% of “regulation” is bottom-up via the vagus nerve.
• Thinking your way to calm typically fails; physical signals of safety are more effective.

4. Practical Regulation Strategies

Ashley offers a toolkit for nervous system regulation, emphasizing options over obligations:

• Breathing:
  • “Low, slow breathing through the nose is how we’re designed to breathe all the time.”
  • Lengthening the exhale, humming, sighing, or singing creates gentle vibrations that stimulate the vagus nerve and promote calm.
• Posture:
  • Expanding the chest and opening up body posture signals safety to the nervous system.
• Movement:
  • Swaying, rocking, shaking, stretching, or dancing are natural regulation strategies—drawing parallels with stress responses in animals.
• Slowing Down:
  • “When everything is rushed, the nervous system assumes danger.”
• Sensory Input:
  • Using sensory toys, textured objects, warmth, soothing music, or even softening the gaze can be regulating.
• Tongue Posture:
  • Resting the tongue on the roof of the mouth activates a cranial nerve linked to calm and safety.

5. The Four F’s: Introducing "Fawning"

• Beyond fight, flight, and freeze—fawn is a key, often overlooked, nervous system response.
  • “Fawning is an automatic response, just like fight, flight, or freeze....Instead of moving away, shutting down or pushing back, you move towards, you soothe, you appease, you agree, you smooth things over.” (Ashley Bentley, 18:10)
• Everyday fawning shows up as:
  • Saying yes when you mean no, over-explaining, over-accommodating, masking.
  • “At its core, fawning is an attempt to regulate externally, calming the environment so that we can feel safe rather than regulating internally.”
• Fawning is not a flaw or weakness—it’s a nervous system strategy often learned early, entwined with masking for neurodivergent people.

6. Responding vs. Reacting

• Dysregulation leads to reaction (impulsiveness, regret, internal override); regulation enables response (presence, clarity, agency):
  • “When you are regulated, you are present. And when you are present, you have the capacity to respond to life....And when you are dysregulated, you will react to life.” (Ashley Bentley, 22:21)

7. Memorable Metaphor: Lion Mind vs. Dog Mind

• Dog Mind: Chases every “bone” (emotion, worry, thought) impulsively; vision narrows, is easily manipulated.
• Lion Mind: Sees the full landscape, is poised and aware, retains choice.
  • “That’s autonomy. That’s the difference between reactivity and agency.” (Ashley Bentley, 25:40)
• Mindfulness is the practice of zooming out—cultivating “Lion Mind” presence, even when triggers arise.

Quote Highlight

“When your nervous system is activated...your threat detection increases. Your vision narrows, your hearing changes, your digestion slows. Your body prioritizes survival over insight....Trying to make life decisions or set goals or create change from that state, that's like trying to navigate with a distorted map.”
(Ashley Bentley, 29:45)

8. Why Strategy Comes After State

• Jumping to strategy without first regulating the nervous system often leads to burnout and short-lived change.
• “Strategy without state is fragile, and strategy without regulation often turns into self-pressure, micromanagement, or burnout.” (Ashley Bentley, 31:30)

Guided Practice: Returning to a Regulated State

(32:30–39:20)
Ashley closes with a gentle yet potent breathwork and visualization sequence designed to help listeners access safety and presence in the moment (highlights below):

• Preparation:
  • Find comfort and stillness; gentle invitation to close one’s eyes and turn inward.
• Breath:
  • Begin with a sigh, adjust position for more comfort.
  • Imagine roots from the feet grounding you to the earth.
  • Several rounds of ocean breath (soft, wave-like exhale through the mouth, stimulating the vagus nerve).
  • Lengthening the exhale: inhale for 4 counts, exhale for 6 counts.
  • Move into “awareness of the breath” without counting, letting the breath find its natural rhythm.
• Body Awareness:
  • Notice subtle shifts; drop tension from jaw, eyebrows, shoulders.
  • Visualize breath entering from the crown, down to the heart, exhaling from the heart.
• Return:
  • Gently bring awareness back to the environment, move fingers and toes, and open eyes when ready.

Guiding Thought

“This has been the work of state. It’s not dramatic or flashy, but it is profoundly transformative. Because when your state shifts, your story becomes more flexible. And when your story softens, the path forward begins to reveal itself.”
(Ashley Bentley, 39:25)

Moving Forward

• Next week: Focus will shift to “story”—the inner narratives and meanings we carry, and how gently transforming them further enables breakthrough.
• Resources:
  • Guided practices mentioned can be found on Ashley Bentley’s Insight Timer channel, including her “Morning Mind Mastery” and 14-day nervous system regulation course.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Fawning looks like kindness, but it doesn’t feel kind on the inside.” (Ashley Bentley, 19:30)
• “You cannot change your life while constantly overriding yourself.” (Ashley Bentley, 21:55)
• “The lion sees the bone, and the lion sees me. The lion sees the whole landscape. The bone is just one small part of a much larger reality....That’s autonomy.” (Ashley Bentley, 25:30)
• “Your strength was never missing. It was just temporarily narrowed by threat.” (Ashley Bentley, 27:45)

Key Timestamps

• 03:27 – Introduction to “state” and its primacy in change
• 06:34 – The unique regulatory demands of neurodivergent bodies
• 16:45 – The “fawn” response explained
• 22:21 – Distinguishing reaction from response
• 25:30 – Dog Mind vs. Lion Mind metaphor
• 29:45 – Why regulation must come before strategy
• 32:30 – Guided regulation practice begins
• 39:25 – Summation: The quiet power of shifting state

Tone & Style

Ashley Bentley’s tone is soothing, empathetic, gently authoritative, and deeply validating—especially for neurodivergent experiences.

Takeaways for Listeners

• Sustainable breakthrough starts not with goals or strategies, but with creating regulation and safety in the body.
• Fawning, like fight/flight/freeze, is an adaptive strategy—valid, common, and especially resonant for neurodivergent people.
• Mindful, embodied practices are foundational, not supplementary; they restore agency.
• For change to last, state comes first—then story, then strategy.

Next Episode Preview:
Exploring personal narratives (“story”)—how to become aware of, soften, and rewrite the narratives that shape our lives.

Quote to Carry Forward:

“When your nervous system is activated, your threat detection increases....Trying to make life decisions...from that state, that’s like trying to navigate with a distorted map.” (Ashley Bentley, 29:45)