Podcast Summary: The Neurodivergent Experience
Episode: Mindful Mondays With Ashley Bentley: The Circle of Control | Finding Steadiness in a Season of Too Much
Release Date: December 15, 2025
Host: Ashley Bentley (Mindful Mondays segment)
Co-Hosts: Jordan James, Simon Scott
Featured Topic: The Circle of Control as a tool for nervous system regulation during overwhelming times, especially for neurodivergent individuals.
Episode Overview
This Mindful Mondays episode, hosted by Ashley Bentley, guides listeners through the "Circle of Control" framework as a way for neurodivergent individuals to find calm and steadiness in the hectic, often overwhelming month of December. With references to past conversations with Jordan James, the episode explores how misplaced control can lead to exhaustion and dysregulation, while reclaiming personal agency can foster internal peace. The episode concludes with an immersive Yoga Nidra practice to help listeners embody these insights.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Why Control Matters for Neurodivergent People
- The Neurodivergent Nervous System
- (03:30) Ashley explains how neurodivergent systems process more sensory and emotional input, leading to heightened unpredictability and the desire for control.
- "Life is, by default, more unpredictable, more variable, more intense. And unpredictability is the nervous system's kryptonite." (04:40)
- Seeking Control for Soothing
- Control is not about rigidity, but about creating predictability for a nervous system that thrives on stability.
- (05:40) "Control creates predictability, and predictability soothes the nervous system."
2. The Paradox & Pitfalls of Misplaced Control
- Misdirected Control
- Many try controlling external circumstances—others’ emotions, behaviors, the future, expectations—leading to exhaustion.
- (06:55) "We so often are drawn to try and control the wrong things... It's exhausting… these things were never ours to control in the first place."
- 'Ten Ropes' Analogy
- (08:05) Ashley paints a vivid metaphor: everyone holds 'ropes' connected to people, expectations, and demands; the real work is discerning which ropes are truly yours.
- "You think you must hold all 10. And you think dropping any of them makes you irresponsible... your nervous system strains with you."
3. Defining the Circle of Control
- What Belongs Inside
- Actions, mindset, voice, boundaries, breath, focus, story, self-compassion.
- (14:20) "Your circle of control includes your breath, your focus, your choices, your pace, your boundaries, your mindset, your action in the next 30 seconds..."
- What Lies Outside
- Others’ emotions, behaviors, timing, expectations, the past, the future.
4. Returning to a Profound Personal Example
- Jordan James' Experience with Anger Behind the Wheel
- (10:40) Ashley recalls Jordan’s realization:
"This is the first thing that's ever worked for me behind the wheel."
Jordan learned to stop trying to control other drivers and instead focused on his own reactions. - (12:30) "He stopped trying to control the storm and started controlling his inner atmosphere."
- (10:40) Ashley recalls Jordan’s realization:
5. Regulation, Clarity, and Peace
- Regulation Through Letting Go
- (15:20) "The moment you place something outside the circle that never belonged inside it, you gain power—not over the world, but over your internal state."
- Metaphor: The Snake Bite
- (16:10) Instead of chasing sources of pain or injustice (the snake), tend to your wounds (your responses).
- "Letting go of what's outside of your control is not surrender. It's survival. It's how you stop the venom from shaping your life."
6. Avoiding the Trap of Over-Control
- Micromanaging Internal Processes
- (18:45) Ashley warns against trying to exert tight control over even the things within the circle, which can destabilize the system.
- "The nervous system isn't built for that level of self-surveillance. The more we try to consciously manage a process that was meant to flow automatically, the more unstable the system becomes."
7. Iconic Quotes & Reframes
- Jeff Goldblum & Sanford Meisner Wisdom
- (20:10)
"Use what exists. Don't resist the moment. Don't fight the reality in front of you." - "There is always something in the present moment that can be worked with… For us, living with neurodivergent nervous systems, this advice becomes nothing short of liberation."
- (20:10)
- Ashley’s Weekly Reframe
- (17:45)
"I can't control the situation, but I can control my presence in it. Small but powerful."
- (17:45)
- Closing Blessing
- (29:50)
"If December feels heavy... you don't have to hold everything. You only have to hold what is yours." - "Peace is not the absence of chaos, but the presence of clarity.” (29:55)
- (29:50)
Notable Quotes & Moments (With Timestamps)
-
Jordan James (quoted by Ashley):
"This is the first thing that's ever worked for me behind the wheel." (10:40) -
Ashley Bentley:
- "Control is not the problem. It is simply misplaced." (09:00)
- "You regain the strength in the hand that holds what is yours. This is where regulation becomes possible." (09:50)
- "Letting go of what's outside of your control is not surrender. It's survival." (16:15)
- "The circle of control is not about closing off the world. It's about reclaiming the space where your nervous system can breathe again." (29:40)
-
Jeff Goldblum (via Ashley):
- "Use what exists. Don't resist the moment." (20:10)
- "There is something perfect in whatever surrounds you if you meet it correctly." (21:00)
Timestamps for Key Segments
- [01:30] Episode Opening: Recap of December’s “weight” and the setup for the Circle of Control.
- [04:40] Why neurodivergent nervous systems crave control.
- [06:55] The pain of trying to control what’s not ours.
- [08:05] The 'Ten Ropes' metaphor.
- [10:40] Jordan's story: Anger, driving, and the Circle of Control.
- [14:20] What’s actually in the Circle of Control.
- [16:10] The Snake Bite metaphor.
- [17:45] The weekly reframe: "I can control my presence in it."
- [18:45] The danger of over-controlling what is yours.
- [20:10] Jeff Goldblum/Meisner advice and its liberation for neurodivergent minds.
- [23:00] Transition to Yoga Nidra and embodiment practice.
- [24:00 - 29:30] Step-by-step Yoga Nidra grounded in the Circle of Control; guided imagery and deep relaxation.
- [29:40] Closing reflections and invitation for further support.
Guided Practice: Yoga Nidra Embodying the Circle of Control
Ashley offers a gentle, sensory-rich Yoga Nidra (from 24:00). Listeners are guided to:
- Notice their breath and body sensations.
- Imagine a glowing circle representing their agency and presence.
- Place current overwhelming demands outside this circle, creating physical and emotional relief.
- Return attention to only what is truly theirs, cultivating inner steadiness and calm.
“Step into it slowly now, in your imagination. And feel the warmth rise beneath your feet… Your breath, your attention, your boundaries, your self, compassion, your pace. Let these settle gently around you like lanterns placed in a sacred space.” (25:40)
Takeaways and Closing Wisdom
- The Circle of Control is about discernment, not withdrawal.
- Letting go of what isn't yours is survival, not failure.
- "You don't have to hold everything. You only have to hold what is yours." (29:50)
- Yoga, presence, compassion, and practicality intertwine for nervous system nourishment.
Ashley encourages listeners to seek out her Insight Timer resources for ongoing support, and previews the next episode: “Radical Permission – doing December your way.”
Tone & Language:
The episode’s tone is warm, nurturing, gentle, and deeply validating—interweaving poetic metaphor with clear, practical wisdom and embodied mindfulness.
For Further Exploration
- Engage with Yoga Nidra and grounding practices via Ashley Bentley’s Insight Timer.
- Revisit Episode 75 for deeper insights from Jordan James on anger regulation.
- Tune in next week for a discussion on “Radical Permission.”
“May you walk lightly, may you carry only what belongs to you, and may your heart remember that peace is not the absence of chaos, but the presence of clarity.” (29:55)