← The Neurodivergent Experience
The Neurodivergent Experience
Mindful Mondays With Ashley Bentley: The Power of Presence & Radical Acceptance
00:21:01
Start Your Week With Presence & Purpose
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ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend.
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We're reconsidering everything right now. What is time Post Covid what is truth in Trump's America? Is yous've Got Mail Secretly, a movie about a creepy gaslighting stalker? We can't answer the first two questions, but we have opinions about the third. We on Hot and Bothered are revisiting romance movies of the past and asking what were these movies teaching us? What did we not even realize they were teaching us? Hot and Bothered is me, Vanessa Zoltan, a pop culture critic and nice lady with opinions, and Hannah McGregor, a bonafide professor of media studies, loving love stories and also just a little bit concerned. Come listen to Hot and Bothered.
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ACAST helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.foreign.
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Welcome to Mindful Mondays. I'm Ashley Bentley and this is your 20 minute reset to start your week off with presence and purpose. Here we flip the script on Mondays and instead of starting the week off wishing it were still the weekend or even worse, with feelings of dread for the coming week, instead here we make peace with Mondays so that they actually become something you look forward to. Each week I'll offer a short exploration into what it really means to live with presence for the neurodivergent soul. How can we find more peace and purpose in our lives? And we'll finish each episode with a guided meditation to help you start the week feeling grounded, clear and fully yourself. And we'll be looking at things from a metaphysical angle, psychological angle, but also a neuroscientific angle, you know what's really underpinning all of our thoughts and feelings and behaviors because sometimes it can feel a bit uncomfortable turning inwards, judgment can start to creep in. So instead if we pull back the curtain and look at ourselves from a neuroscientific standpoint, our nervous system, our neurotransmitters, our neuromodulators, our hormones, our cells, our mitochondria. When we look at ourselves through that lens, it's much easier to view things, I think with this non judgmental awareness, which is really where we need to be if we do want to affect positive change in our life. Now you might recognize me from my regular guest appearances as the in house therapist for the Neurodivergent Experience podcast. Or perhaps you know me from my other podcast, Tenacious B, or maybe even from my Insight Timer Channel. However you found me, I am so glad that you're here. I am A hypnotherapist, a coach and a breathwork practitioner and also a yoga nidra teacher and meditation teacher. And one of my most favorite things to do in my work is to help people connect more deeply with themselves. I am neurodivergent myself and I believe so strongly and deeply that the neurodivergent brain and body can benefit so greatly from learning how to be present. As our unique brains and bodies are taking in so much of the world around us at any given moment, our poor nervous systems are so regularly overloaded that we are experiencing an epidemic of autistic burnout. And I should know. I am still recovering from a full body shutdown over seven years ago. But the great news is my own experience of burnout kicked off a new special interest for me and I hyper focused to learn as much as possible about the neurodivergent brain and body and how we can find more peace in our lives, recover from burnout, and most importantly, prevent it in the first place. So my goal here on Mindful Mondays is to make certain topics like nervous system regulation and mindfulness and meditation more accessible and easier to digest. And I'm really excited to be including regular segments such as Bite Sized Buddhism where I take a Buddhist principle and break it down into simple, meaningful chunks of wisdom. And will also have microdosing meaning. A regular moment to explore how we can begin to find more purpose and meaning in our lives one small step at a time. These ideas and principles are relevant to all of us, but I'll be slanting them more toward how they can benefit and why they especially benefit the neurodivergent brain and body. So whether you're neurodivergent yourself, have a neurodivergent friend or loved one or or just curious about these ideas, it doesn't matter. No matter what your neurotype, I'll be sharing tools that are accessible for everyone. So let's talk about presence. For most of us, especially if you're neurodivergent, presence isn't just about being in the now. That phrase can actually feel quite frustrating. Be in the now. I am in the now. That's my problem. My now is messy, it's noisy and it's full of tabs open in my brain. So let's reframe it. What is presence really? Presence is noticing what's here without judging it or immediately needing to fix it. In Buddhist terms, this is known as equanimity, nonjudgmental awareness. It's allowing a moment to be a moment without trying to fix it, repackage it, or control it. It's not calmness, it's not stillness. It's not clearing your mind. It's awareness without resistance. As one of my favorite spiritual teachers, Ram Dass, used to say, it's about cultivating the witness. And for a neurodivergent mind, presence may be noticing the body fidget or a sudden memory or the way your skin feels under your jumper. It's awareness stopping and becoming the witness to what is unfolding without resistance. Can you start to become the witness to your life more often? This is presence. And the more we cultivate the Witness, things change. You don't have to try to change them, they just do. So on this first episode of Mindful Mondays, let's enjoy a chunk of bite sized Buddhism. The second Arrow. Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. This is the Buddhist teaching of the second arrow. And within it lies the opportunity to practice radical acceptance. And you know, for a long time, I didn't really like the word acceptance. As someone who was strong willed and determined and fiercely independent, I used to hear acceptance and think, no thanks. That sounds like giving up, like resigning yourself to something awful, like passively letting life just happen to you. But over time and through lots of research, lots of lived experience, and a whole lot of inner work, my view shifted. Now I see acceptance as something entirely different. I see it as a strength. I see it as courage. The courage to really see what's in front of you without immediately trying to twist it, fix it, or run from it. And this acceptance helps our nervous systems to feel safe, which means that our threat detection goes down and we start to operate from the part of our brain that sees things as they are. Acceptance is the gateway to presence. It's a bit like what happens in recovery work. An addict must first accept that there's a problem before they can begin the work of healing. In the same way, we must be willing to see reality as it is before we can transform it. And sometimes that takes serious bravery. Acceptance doesn't mean we like a situation, and it doesn't mean we don't act. To change just means we stop wasting precious energy fighting what's already happened. Instead of resisting, blaming, making excuses, catastrophizing, or wishing it were different, we acknowledge it. We acknowledge what is. Because when we don't accept what is, we end up creating more pain. And that brings us to one of my favorite teachings from Buddhism, the story of the second arrow. Imagine a man is walking through the woods and suddenly he's struck by an arrow in the arm. A painful injury, but not life threatening. Now, instead of calmly treating the wound, he begins shouting, who shot me? I swear I'll get revenge. What if I bleed to death? What if I lose my arm? What will happen to my family? We're doomed. Do you hear what's happening? The first arrow is the pain. Real sharp, sudden. But everything that follows, the panic, the anger, the resistance, the mental spiraling, that's the second arrow. It's the story we tell ourselves about what's happened. And it can hurt far more than the first arrow. Now, the second arrow isn't a failure. We are actually hardwired to do this. And it benefited us back when we lived in small tribes, in our hunter gatherer ancestor days. But today, it keeps us stuck. Or even worse, leads to a spiral, which can then lead to a meltdown. Now, most of us can't avoid the first arrow, but the second one, that's optional. And that's where presence comes in. When we learn to accept what's real, not dramatize it, not deny it, we can move into wise, effective action so much faster. And when we do move forward with wise, effective action, just the simple act of moving forward, both literally and metaphorically, both physically and emotionally, moving forward gives us a lovely hit of dopamine, which encourages us to keep going. We don't wait for the dopamine first. The dopamine only arrives when we do move forward. And moving forward happens so much more easily if we are present. We become less reactive and more responsive. We suffer less. Now, mindfulness isn't about sitting in stillness and trying to love every minute of it. It's about allowing. What is that? Could be a sound you don't like, an emotion that makes you squirm, a thought you wish would go away. But instead of pushing it down or trying to fix it, we let it be. We give it space. We let it rise and fall. And here's the paradox. The more we resist something, the more it resists us. But when we accept it, even if we don't like it, we stop feeding it energy. And slowly, gently, it loses its grip. And one last thing, maybe the most important of all. Acceptance doesn't just apply to circumstances. It applies to ourselves. Our quirks, our shadows, our rhythms, our wiring, our struggles. Especially for those of us who are neurodivergent. Acceptance is not weakness. It is our path to power. Without self acceptance, peace remains out of reach. So today, maybe you can lay down the second arrow. Maybe you can say, this is what's here. And that's okay. And from there, you can choose your next step with presence and purpose, a closing thought before we begin our meditation. You don't have to master presence. You just have to visit it. Like checking in on a trusted friend who doesn't mind if you're messy. And as we head into our guided meditation, if you are listening to this whilst driving or operating heavy machinery, please pause the recording and come back to it when you can safely arrive into stillness. And finding a comfortable seated position and allowing your eyes to gently close and adjust your body in any way that it needs right now. And let's take this moment to arrive. You don't need to be in a perfect position. You don't need to silence your thoughts. Just notice the act of noticing. And feel the weight of your body, the points of contact, the slight temperature of the air on your skin. And noticing now your breath, not changing it, not controlling it, just letting it be exactly how it is. As you continue to focus on your breath, just allow yourself to let go of any expectations or judgments you may have about this meditation and simply notice this moment, allowing yourself to fully experience whatever arises. Thoughts may appear like clouds and sounds might pull your attention, and that's okay. That's part of the moment, too. You're practicing presence. You are cultivating the witness. And let's let the moment widen. Let there be space for everything. The soft ache in your jaw, the flutter of anticipation, even perhaps some resistance. This is the present moment, and it's a good moment. Not because it's perfect, but because it's real. And feel the layers begin to peel away, the masks, the expectations. Beneath it all, you are pure awareness, witnessing existence. Good. That's right. And remember, dear friends, you are both the seeker and the sought. You are both the dreamer and the dream. And the path is the destination. And begin to bring your awareness now back to the room to this version of you who showed up. You've already shifted something and now you can carry it forward with presence and purpose. Thank you so much for spending your mindful Monday with me. You've just trained your attention not to eliminate chaos, but to stop feeding it. And I'll see you all next week, where we'll explore how time itself isn't the enemy, just a misunderstood dance partner. Until then, start soft and stay steady.
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Acast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend.
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Hello? Hello, it's Brooke Devard from Naked Beauty. Join me each week for unfiltered discussion about beauty trends self care journeys, wellness tips, and the products we absolutely love and cannot get enough of. If you are a skincare obsessive and you spend 20 plus minutes on your skincare routine, this podcast is for you. Or if you're a newbie at the beginning of your skincare journey, you'll love this podcast as well. Because we go so much detail deeper than beauty. I talk to incredible and inspiring people from across industries about their relationship with beauty. You'll also hear from skincare experts. We break down lots of myths in the beauty industry. If this sounds like your thing, search for naked beauty on your podcast app and listen along. I hope you'll join us.
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ACAST helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com.