The Neurodivergent Experience

Episode: "Slow Burn Meltdowns: The Meltdown You Don’t See Coming"

Hosts: Jordan James & Simon Scott
Special Guest: Ashley Bentley
Release Date: January 22, 2026

Episode Theme & Purpose

This episode explores the concept of "slow burn meltdowns" within the neurodivergent (ND) experience, particularly for autistic and ADHD individuals. Unlike acute, visible meltdowns, slow burn meltdowns are subtle, gradual, and often invisible to outsiders—including those closest to the person experiencing them. The hosts and guest share personal stories and insights to help listeners recognize the signs, understand the causes, and find supportive strategies for themselves or their loved ones.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Understanding Slow Burn Meltdowns

• Definition & Context: Unlike the traditional "explosive" meltdown, slow burn meltdowns manifest as a gradual build-up of stress or overwhelm, often unnoticed by others or even by the person themselves until a "pop" or crisis moment occurs.
• Prevalence: The hosts note that these are common, especially in the current climate of global anxiety and constant social media input.

  “Everyone's just angry or upset and...we might be able to help people...spot that slow meltdown, that slow burn meltdown before it does pop.” — Jordan James (06:10)

2. Personal Experiences: Recognizing and Navigating Slow Burn Meltdowns

Simon’s Story

• Post-Holiday Crash (08:06–12:56): Simon shares how after an intense work period and a holiday time warp, he was blindsided by a slow burn meltdown upon returning to work.

  “It genuinely felt like I was just clicking up a roller coaster. And then I hit the big dip. And as soon as I went down, I was out of control.” — Simon Scott (11:00)

• Physical & Emotional Symptoms: He describes body tension, IBS flare-ups, self-criticism, and difficulty in self-regulation, illustrating how subtle, cumulative stressors can spiral.

Ashley's Experience

• Breadcrumbs & Old Wounds (14:08–18:27): Ashley recounts a recent, unexpected emotional response to a minor disappointment, which, upon reflection, revealed underlying accumulation of stress and people-pleasing tendencies.

  “I was surprised with my reaction. I was like, this is not proportionate to what he has just said...Suddenly that old wound of, ‘oh, I’ve let somebody down,’ just really ignited.” — Ashley Bentley (15:48)

• Alexithymia & Rumination (18:27–19:13): The difficulty in articulating emotions (alexithymia), combined with overthinking, can be a powerful fuel for these meltdowns.

Jordan’s Parental Perspective

• Managing His Daughter’s (Sophie’s) Meltdowns (19:22–30:34):

  • Emphasizes consent in sharing children’s stories.
  • Describes how Sophie can be “cheeky” or “upset” depending on her emotional baseline—a clue to what’s brewing beneath the surface.
  • Points out the risk of mislabeling neurodivergent kids as “brats” when in fact they may be struggling with unregulated emotions:

    “She only does this with people she’s comfortable around. Most meltdowns will happen to parents or to husbands or wives because they feel safe.” — Jordan James (24:52)

  • Example: Sophie lashed out over a minor conflict, but the true trigger was an unrelated negative experience on social media.

    “It was nothing to do with anything that happened. It was the fact that she had made a post...and she had three negative comments, and that crushed her.” — Jordan James (27:44)

• Supporting Recovery:

  • Jordan let Sophie decompress, then accompanied her for a walk—a gentle, non-confrontational support method.
  • The importance of letting children come to you or helping them process rather than pushing for explanations in the heat of an emotional episode.

3. The Pressure of Expectations & the 20s Slow Burn

Struggles in Early Adulthood (36:01–49:16)

• Sophie’s Journey: Fresh out of university, Sophie faces the paradox of “lack of experience” rejections despite tangible achievements, triggering her own slow burn reactions.

  “She’s just so hard on herself. I just wish that she would be able to just take each win as a win rather than each failure as the ultimate failure.” — Jordan James (36:51)

• Simon’s & Ashley’s Reflections:
  • Both detail how comparing themselves to others and internalized expectations in their 20s led to prolonged emotional distress.
  • The difficulty of finding fulfillment amidst societal pressure and delayed rewards.

    “You don’t realize you’ve had successes until you can reflect on it…Hindsight sees in 2020.” — Simon Scott (38:11)

  • Not discussing feelings with others can make slow burn meltdowns far worse. Building a support network is vital.

4. Childhood & Family Context

Recognizing Signs in Kids (53:42–64:12)

• Jordan’s Experience: A constant state of fight/flight due to trauma at home and bullying at school, rarely feeling safe except with his brother.

  “I don’t know if there was ever a point where I wasn’t in some sort of slow burn meltdown because I never had a chance to recover…” — Jordan James (54:02)

• Ashley’s Childhood: Chronic sensitivity, people-pleasing, and fear of disappointing an angry parent led to comfort-eating as self-soothing.

  “I was always on this on edge of like, ‘don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry.’ And of course, when you’re saying that…what do you do? You just…cry.” — Ashley Bentley (57:03)

• Simon’s Reflection: Persistent self-doubt, comparison, and executive function difficulties led to feeling never “enough,” fostering an enduring internal slow burn.

  “I was a jack of all trades and a master of none…and that used to be really frustrating…” — Simon Scott (59:20)

5. Advice for Parents & Allies

• Encourage, Don’t Push: Let ND children pursue interests for joy, not performance or potential career.

  “If your kids are good at drawing or guitar…just let them. Don’t push them to be somebody other than just themselves in that moment.” — Simon Scott (62:01)

• Don’t Add Pressure: Recognize the overwhelming burden of academic and social expectations, especially during adolescence.
• Watch for Coping Signs: Comfort eating, retreating, or heightened sensitivity may be markers of underlying distress, not simply “bad behavior.”
• Language Matters: Well-meaning advice can be taken to paralyzing extremes:

  “Be aware that sometimes…language can land in a very literal way with children and adults…” — Ashley Bentley (68:40)

• Model Healthy Engagement: Meet kids on their level, share in their interests, and validate their emotions—even if you’re not “into” their passions.

Notable Quotes & Moments

• Simon Scott, on building support:

  “I have had to learn to lean on my support network when that happens.” (13:10)

• Ashley Bentley, on “the issue isn’t the issue”:

  “So often there’s a great saying, ‘the issue isn’t the issue’…so often it’s something else.” (29:43)

• Jordan James, on parental presence:

  “It is your responsibility. You make your kids happy by coming down to their level and playing with them.” (73:55)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [06:10] Introduction to slow burn meltdowns and why it’s timely
• [08:06] Simon’s personal account of a recent slow burn meltdown
• [14:08] Ashley explains the breadcrumb trail and slow builds
• [19:22] Jordan describes supporting his daughter Sophie and recognizing invisible triggers
• [36:01] Discussion of post-uni pressures and the “experience” paradox
• [53:42] Reflecting on childhood slow burn meltdowns
• [62:01] Advice to parents: encouragement, not pressure
• [68:40] Ashley on the literal interpretation of well-meant advice

Practical Takeaways

• Slow burn meltdowns are real and commonly go unrecognized until crisis hits.
• Physical and emotional warning signs may be subtle—body tension, increased sensitivity, changes in appetite or mood, withdrawal, or being “on edge” for prolonged periods.
• Don’t underestimate the power of community, talking about your feelings, and letting others in.
• For parents/allies: Be present, validate emotions, and avoid “fix-it” strategies that dismiss the experience.
• Support doesn't always have to be verbal or problem-solving—sometimes, just “walking and chips” (fries!) is enough to open the door to reflection and healing.
• Helping children and young adults identify and name their emotional states can be life-changing.

Further Resources

• Sophie's Mentoring: (Contact details via podcast/socials)
• Mindful Mondays podcast (Ashley Bentley): Especially episodes 9–12 & 19 on nervous system regulation

Tone & Language

The hosts and guest maintain a conversational, compassionate, and humor-infused style, with vulnerability, honesty, and mutual encouragement. They mix raw emotional moments with levity and practical wisdom, always centering the lived experiences of neurodivergent individuals.

End Note:
This episode is a must-listen for anyone—ND or not—aiming to support themselves, their children, or their community through the often invisible struggles of slow burn meltdowns. The principle through-line: connection, conversation, and naming your experience are the first steps toward healing and growth.