The NewsWorthy – Special Edition: Grief Therapist's Guide to Holidays After Loss

Host: Erica Mandy
Guest: Kelly Grosslogs, Clinical Psychotherapist
Date: December 6, 2025

Episode Overview

This special edition dives deep into the complexities of experiencing grief during the holiday season. Host Erica Mandy is joined by grief specialist Kelly Grosslogs, who provides candid, compassionate, and actionable guidance for anyone navigating loss—whether personally or while supporting someone else. The discussion covers how grief is intensified by the holidays, what to say (and not say) to the bereaved, creating new traditions, the nuances of grieving while parenting, and more, all while reinforcing that grief and love are intertwined and deserve acknowledgment.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Why Holidays Intensify Grief

• The holiday season amplifies feelings of loss due to societal expectations of joy and family togetherness, pervasive holiday imagery, and social media.
  • Quote: “Every family is missing somebody. We're actually more alike and more connected in this grief than we even realize.” – Kelly Grosslogs (01:29)
• Many feel isolated, as if they are the only ones struggling, when this is far from the case.

Rethinking “Time Heals All”

• Kelly challenges the phrase “time heals all,” saying instead that time softens grief; the pain may not disappear, but we learn to integrate it.
  • Quote: “Grief doesn't necessarily change. We just learn to integrate it into our lives.” – Kelly Grosslogs (02:26)
  • Grief remains as a reflection of love; “If there's a coin, one side is grief and the other side is love.” (02:26)
• Joy can return, but the connection with the lost loved one changes rather than disappears.

Embracing & Allowing Difficult Emotions

• All emotions are valid, including laughter and moments of joy, even amidst loss.
  • Quote: “Allow space for all of it. ... It's not just sadness and anger.” – Kelly Grosslogs (03:59)
• Encourage at least one supportive outlet—whether a friend, support group, or therapist.
• Societal timelines around grief are misleading and can increase feelings of inadequacy.

Navigating Holiday Gatherings

• It’s okay to RSVP with the caveat that attendance depends on day-of feelings.
  • Give yourself permission to leave early or change plans.
  • Supportive hosts should invite those grieving but not pressure them.
• Quote: “Just know, though, that if I'm not feeling up to it that day, I may have to back out.” – Kelly Grosslogs (05:23)

Supporting Someone Who Is Grieving

• Say the name of the person who died; it’s affirming and comforting.
• Ask genuine questions about how the griever is feeling in the present.
• “What was John’s favorite part of Hanukkah?” invites meaningful connection.
• Avoid vague offers of help (“let me know if you need anything”)—offer specific, actionable support.
  • Quote: “By you talking about them, you're not reminding them that they died … you’re reminding the griever that their person lived.” – Kelly Grosslogs (06:42)
• The worst thing is to ignore the loss.

Tips for Grievers Attending Gatherings

• Remember you can leave at any time—sometimes showing up for five minutes is enough.
• Rituals like saying a prayer for guidance or asking for the loved one’s presence can offer comfort.
  • “Wherever we are, they are.” (08:43)
• Clear communication with hosts about needs and boundaries is essential.

Letting Go of Timelines

• Disregard traditional notions like “the first year is the hardest.”
  • Grief is non-linear, surfaces in cycles, and needs repeated expression.
  • “We are not meant to grieve alone.” – Kelly Grosslogs (10:02)

Grieving While Parenting

• Parents often suppress grief to care for their children, but it’s important for kids to see healthy grieving.
  • “Make space for your own grief and allow your children to see you grieve.” (14:06)
• Delaying grief can have long-term psychological effects.

Talking to Children About Death

• Use clear, age-appropriate words (e.g., say “died”—not euphemisms).
• The Dougy Center is a recommended resource for children’s grief.
• Include children in rituals and memorials as they feel comfortable—ask if they have questions, or if they want to participate (e.g., drawing a picture).
• Don't exclude children from memorials or funerals—invite, but don't force.

Honoring Loved Ones with New Traditions

• Feeling pressure to “keep things the same” is common and often unrealistic.
• Blend old and new traditions, and invite everyone (including children) to contribute ideas.
  • Quote: “Look at it more in terms of integrating both what was, and we're creating what is, versus it was either or.” (17:18)
• It’s okay to do something entirely different, like travel.
• The Three Wick Candle Ritual: Each wick symbolizes the past, present, and future. Lighting each and sharing memories can be a new comforting ritual.
  • “Everybody can go around and talk, share a favorite memory … it can be a lot of laughter and a lot of tears. But it's a beautiful ritual.” (19:14)

Lasting Support Beyond the Holidays

• Holidays are louder markers of loss, but each griever also has “quieter” important days (e.g., anniversaries).
  • “Grievers need support 365 days out of the year.” (20:23)
• Continual support is more valuable than just checking in over the holidays.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “We're actually more alike and more connected in this grief than we even realize.” – Kelly Grosslogs (01:29)
• “Time softens grief. … Grief is our reflection of our love.” – Kelly Grosslogs (02:26)
• “Allow space for all of it. ... It's not just sadness and anger.” – Kelly Grosslogs (03:59)
• “By you talking about them, you're not reminding them that they died … you’re reminding the griever that their person lived.” – Kelly Grosslogs (06:42)
• “Just know, though, that if I'm not feeling up to it that day, I may have to back out.” – Kelly Grosslogs (05:23)
• “We are not meant to grieve alone.” – Kelly Grosslogs (10:02)
• “Make space for your own grief and allow your children to see you grieve.” – Kelly Grosslogs (14:06)
• “Look at it more in terms of integrating both what was, and we're creating what is, versus it was either or.” – Kelly Grosslogs (17:18)
• “Grievers need support 365 days out of the year.” – Kelly Grosslogs (20:23)

Important Timestamps

• 01:29 — Why the holidays are hard for the grieving
• 02:26 — “Time heals all” is a myth
• 03:59 — Making space for all grief-related emotions
• 05:23 — Attending (or not) holiday gatherings while grieving
• 06:42 — How to genuinely support someone in grief
• 08:43 — Tips for grievers at gatherings; “wherever we are, they are”
• 10:02 — Grieving needs no timeline; the need for connection
• 14:06 — Grieving while parenting; letting children see you grieve
• 15:32 — Speaking to children about death; involving kids
• 17:18 — Creating new traditions versus keeping everything the same
• 19:14 — The Three Wick Candle ritual
• 20:23 — Why support must be year-round

Resources & Further Reading

• Kelly Grosslogs Website & Books: conversationswithkelly.com
• Children’s Grief Support: The Dougy Center

This episode encourages listeners to show compassion for both themselves and others during the holidays—and all year—by embracing grief as a natural byproduct of love, allowing all emotions their space, creating rituals for remembrance, and giving (and accepting) authentic, ongoing support.