Special Edition: Grief Therapist's Guide to Holidays After Loss

Summary

The NewsWorthy – Special Edition: Grief Therapist's Guide to Holidays After Loss

Host: Erica Mandy
Guest: Kelly Grosslogs, Clinical Psychotherapist
Date: December 6, 2025

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Episode Overview

This special edition dives deep into the complexities of experiencing grief during the holiday season. Host Erica Mandy is joined by grief specialist Kelly Grosslogs, who provides candid, compassionate, and actionable guidance for anyone navigating loss—whether personally or while supporting someone else. The discussion covers how grief is intensified by the holidays, what to say (and not say) to the bereaved, creating new traditions, the nuances of grieving while parenting, and more, all while reinforcing that grief and love are intertwined and deserve acknowledgment.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Why Holidays Intensify Grief

• The holiday season amplifies feelings of loss due to societal expectations of joy and family togetherness, pervasive holiday imagery, and social media.
  • Quote: “Every family is missing somebody. We're actually more alike and more connected in this grief than we even realize.” – Kelly Grosslogs (01:29)
• Many feel isolated, as if they are the only ones struggling, when this is far from the case.

Rethinking “Time Heals All”

• Kelly challenges the phrase “time heals all,” saying instead that time softens grief; the pain may not disappear, but we learn to integrate it.
  • Quote: “Grief doesn't necessarily change. We just learn to integrate it into our lives.” – Kelly Grosslogs (02:26)
  • Grief remains as a reflection of love; “If there's a coin, one side is grief and the other side is love.” (02:26)
• Joy can return, but the connection with the lost loved one changes rather than disappears.

Embracing & Allowing Difficult Emotions

• All emotions are valid, including laughter and moments of joy, even amidst loss.
  • Quote: “Allow space for all of it. ... It's not just sadness and anger.” – Kelly Grosslogs (03:59)
• Encourage at least one supportive outlet—whether a friend, support group, or therapist.
• Societal timelines around grief are misleading and can increase feelings of inadequacy.

Navigating Holiday Gatherings

• It’s okay to RSVP with the caveat that attendance depends on day-of feelings.
  • Give yourself permission to leave early or change plans.
  • Supportive hosts should invite those grieving but not pressure them.
• Quote: “Just know, though, that if I'm not feeling up to it that day, I may have to back out.” – Kelly Grosslogs (05:23)

Supporting Someone Who Is Grieving

• Say the name of the person who died; it’s affirming and comforting.
• Ask genuine questions about how the griever is feeling in the present.
• “What was John’s favorite part of Hanukkah?” invites meaningful connection.
• Avoid vague offers of help (“let me know if you need anything”)—offer specific, actionable support.
  • Quote: “By you talking about them, you're not reminding them that they died … you’re reminding the griever that their person lived.” – Kelly Grosslogs (06:42)
• The worst thing is to ignore the loss.

Tips for Grievers Attending Gatherings

• Remember you can leave at any time—sometimes showing up for five minutes is enough.
• Rituals like saying a prayer for guidance or asking for the loved one’s presence can offer comfort.
  • “Wherever we are, they are.” (08:43)
• Clear communication with hosts about needs and boundaries is essential.

Letting Go of Timelines

• Disregard traditional notions like “the first year is the hardest.”
  • Grief is non-linear, surfaces in cycles, and needs repeated expression.
  • “We are not meant to grieve alone.” – Kelly Grosslogs (10:02)

Grieving While Parenting

• Parents often suppress grief to care for their children, but it’s important for kids to see healthy grieving.
  • “Make space for your own grief and allow your children to see you grieve.” (14:06)
• Delaying grief can have long-term psychological effects.

Talking to Children About Death

• Use clear, age-appropriate words (e.g., say “died”—not euphemisms).
• The Dougy Center is a recommended resource for children’s grief.
• Include children in rituals and memorials as they feel comfortable—ask if they have questions, or if they want to participate (e.g., drawing a picture).
• Don't exclude children from memorials or funerals—invite, but don't force.

Honoring Loved Ones with New Traditions

• Feeling pressure to “keep things the same” is common and often unrealistic.
• Blend old and new traditions, and invite everyone (including children) to contribute ideas.
  • Quote: “Look at it more in terms of integrating both what was, and we're creating what is, versus it was either or.” (17:18)
• It’s okay to do something entirely different, like travel.
• The Three Wick Candle Ritual: Each wick symbolizes the past, present, and future. Lighting each and sharing memories can be a new comforting ritual.
  • “Everybody can go around and talk, share a favorite memory … it can be a lot of laughter and a lot of tears. But it's a beautiful ritual.” (19:14)

Lasting Support Beyond the Holidays

• Holidays are louder markers of loss, but each griever also has “quieter” important days (e.g., anniversaries).
  • “Grievers need support 365 days out of the year.” (20:23)
• Continual support is more valuable than just checking in over the holidays.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “We're actually more alike and more connected in this grief than we even realize.” – Kelly Grosslogs (01:29)
• “Time softens grief. … Grief is our reflection of our love.” – Kelly Grosslogs (02:26)
• “Allow space for all of it. ... It's not just sadness and anger.” – Kelly Grosslogs (03:59)
• “By you talking about them, you're not reminding them that they died … you’re reminding the griever that their person lived.” – Kelly Grosslogs (06:42)
• “Just know, though, that if I'm not feeling up to it that day, I may have to back out.” – Kelly Grosslogs (05:23)
• “We are not meant to grieve alone.” – Kelly Grosslogs (10:02)
• “Make space for your own grief and allow your children to see you grieve.” – Kelly Grosslogs (14:06)
• “Look at it more in terms of integrating both what was, and we're creating what is, versus it was either or.” – Kelly Grosslogs (17:18)
• “Grievers need support 365 days out of the year.” – Kelly Grosslogs (20:23)

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Important Timestamps

• 01:29 — Why the holidays are hard for the grieving
• 02:26 — “Time heals all” is a myth
• 03:59 — Making space for all grief-related emotions
• 05:23 — Attending (or not) holiday gatherings while grieving
• 06:42 — How to genuinely support someone in grief
• 08:43 — Tips for grievers at gatherings; “wherever we are, they are”
• 10:02 — Grieving needs no timeline; the need for connection
• 14:06 — Grieving while parenting; letting children see you grieve
• 15:32 — Speaking to children about death; involving kids
• 17:18 — Creating new traditions versus keeping everything the same
• 19:14 — The Three Wick Candle ritual
• 20:23 — Why support must be year-round

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Resources & Further Reading

• Kelly Grosslogs Website & Books: conversationswithkelly.com
• Children’s Grief Support: The Dougy Center

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This episode encourages listeners to show compassion for both themselves and others during the holidays—and all year—by embracing grief as a natural byproduct of love, allowing all emotions their space, creating rituals for remembrance, and giving (and accepting) authentic, ongoing support.

Transcript

[A]

Today is Saturday, December 6th. The holiday season can bring joy and connection, but for many, it can also bring a wave of grief and heartache. Whether you're navigating the loss of a loved one yourself or you're trying to support someone who is, this episode offers honest, compassionate and practical guidance for getting through the holidays. Our guest today is Kelly Grosslogs, a clinical psychotherapist who specializes in oncology, palliative care, and hospice. She's the founder of the speaking platform Conversations with Kelly and the author of When Love Meets A Grief Therapist's Reflections from the Bedside and Beyond. Today she shares how to handle holiday gatherings and traditions in the months and years after loss, what to say and what not to say to those who are grieving. What she prefers instead of the phrase time heals all and so much more.

Welcome. Welcome to the Newsworthy Special Edition Saturday when we sit down with a different expert or celebrity every Saturday to talk about something in the news. Don't forget to tune in every Monday through Friday for our regular episodes where we provide all the day's news in 10 minutes. I'm Erica Mandy. It's now time for today's special edition Saturday.

Kelly Grosslogs, thank you so much for joining us here on the Newsworthy.

[B]

What an honor it is to be here.

[C]

Erika, let's just start with why. Why is this season the time when.

[A]

It really brings up more emotions? Grief and loss can really feel heavier.

[C]

This time of year.

[A]

I know some of it's obvious that we're thinking about being with family more, but can you elaborate on that a little bit?

[B]

There's many reasons why this can be a harder time of year, often with what we see in the stores, what we see online, what we see on social media, whatever that may be. And it looks like everybody is enjoying themselves and they're all together. And the reality is every family is missing somebody. And so I just think it's a combination of our own feelings getting mixed in with what we are experiencing exposed to and all of the illusions that can be very hard for people and, you know, feeling like they're the only one that's missing somebody or feeling like they're the only one that is struggling when we know that that is absolutely not true. We're actually more alike and more connected in this grief than we even realize.

[C]

We often hear time heals all. Do you think that's true?

[A]

And how does grief show up for.

[C]

People when it is more recent and also when it's more long term?

[B]

I'm really glad you Brought that up. Time heals all is one of those real prickly statements, because we know that healing means different things for everybody. So what I tend to say is time softens grief. The grief doesn't necessarily change. We just learn to integrate it into our lives. And so in the beginning, we spend a lot of time trying to push that grief away because it is so painful. And with time, we learn to almost companion the grief and have it be an integral part of our life, because we know that if there's a coin, one side of the coin is grief and the other side is love. The two are very, very connected. I don't tend to say time heals all because what that implies for some people is healing means it's gone. And we know that grief is when we love deeply, we grieve deeply. And that means for the rest of our life, people can find joy again. People can learn to live within the parameters of their grief, but it will always in some way be there again because it's our love. It's our reflection of our love. And people will say to me, as time has traveled on, whether it's decades or weeks or whatever that may be, they'll say, you know, I eventually learned I don't want this grief to go away because it is my continued bond or it's my connection to my person.

[C]

It's such a good point that, you know, with any feeling, when you try to push it away, it doesn't really work.

[A]

So what do you want to highlight.

[C]

About that for people who might be grieving?

[B]

My heart goes out to people that don't feel like they have at least one person they can be real with. That is, the beauty in support groups or grief therapy is that you can show up and not feel judged, hopefully. And so it's really important that we allow the feelings, all of the feelings. And I also want to say that includes laughter and that includes joy. That people will say to me, I feel guilty, or, you know, I found myself laughing the other day, and that doesn't feel right because their partner just died maybe six months ago. Allow space for all of it. There are many, many emotions in grief. It's not just sadness and anger. So what I would encourage people this holiday season is to allow those emotions to be there. I think it's just really important to not judge the feelings we're having. Our society is so good about telling us we're doing it too much, not enough, too long, too short. And really what we have to do is really pay attention to our own loss. Story and our own grief story. Allow yourself to be vulnerable enough that you'll talk to at least one person about how you're feeling.

[C]

You know, it's early December. There's usually gatherings later this month. What's your advice for somebody who doesn't know whether or not they're going to feel up for showing up?

[B]

I think for the grievers out there that are listening, I always err on the side of when you RSVP to RSVP that you're going to attend, with the caveat that, can I decide the day of if I want to come or not? Most people want to immediately respond, no, but sometimes when the day arrives, you're feeling maybe a little more strength and that you can do this. If it's a party where you can go and be authentic, that's one thing. If it's a party or a gathering that feels like you have to put on a show or you have to pretend, if it's in maybe the first two years after the loss, I don't necessarily recommend those. I think that can be really hard. But if it's with people that are accepting and that love, you, RSVP that, yes, I will come. Just know, though, that if I'm not feeling up to it that day, I may have to back out. I'm hoping anybody that is organizing events, that you still invite those people that have had a significant loss, but you also allow for them to change their mind.

[A]

That's such a great point of, like.

[C]

What are the other people doing and thinking to help that person? So what's your advice for somebody who wants to be supportive but maybe isn't exactly sure how?

[B]

Well, it's such a good question, and it's one I get asked often. So one of the biggest things that Grievers want to hear is the name of their person. So please always say the name of the one who died. And we have this kind of. It's a little bit of a joke in my industry, but we have this fear that we don't want to talk about the death or talk about the loss because we don't want to make this person feel sad. And what I always say is, trust me, by you talking about them, you're not reminding them that they died like they remember they died, but talking about their person is actually reminding the griever that their person lived. And that is such a key point. So bringing up the person's name or asking them, how are you doing this week? Or how are you doing today? Is a really beautiful thing to offer, engage them in stories. What was John's favorite part of Hanukkah? Or what was John's favorite part of Christmas? Which is really important, but really the worst thing to say is nothing. People can feel so isolated at a gathering when they come there and nobody brings it up. So the name, asking about a memory of the person. But then also one of the things that we don't say is, let me know if you need anything because nobody's going to reach out. So we, if we know the person, we may say to them, you know, been thinking of you so much. I'm actually going to the store next week and I'm wondering if I could pick up something for you. I mean, that's a really beautiful thing to offer too, and just offer them suggestions, which is a lovely thing to do. But always bring up the name, always bring up the person.

[A]

I love that advice.

[C]

Is there anything for the griever that.

[A]

You would want to say, okay, you've worked up the courage.

[C]

You're going to this party. Is there anything that might help to.

[A]

Think about before you walk through the door?

[B]

You know, I think what's really important is that they know that they can leave at any time. And so even if they stay for five minutes, you have to say to yourself, I'm really proud, really proud of you for coming. Depending upon what people's spiritual beliefs are or religious beliefs, sometimes people will say a prayer. But I always encourage people to ask the person you're missing the most to guide you to be with you at this party. The brother John, or whoever that may be, just kind of saying out loud to them, be with me and help me feel your presence. Sometimes that can be really helpful to grievers because one of the phrases I always say in my work is, wherever we are, they are. And I think that's important to remember that they're right there with us. People oftentimes will feel like they don't want to go because they feel like they're going to be stuck and it's going to be awkward. That's where the conversations with the host and or hostess beforehand is important. Like, I'm going to really try to come, but I may back out last minute or I may have to leave early and hopefully you're met with grace and people will say to you, that's absolutely okay.

[C]

Any other coping tools or ways to navigate grief that you think are helpful to mention?

[B]

We just have to get rid of timelines that there's so much that we've been pre exposed to like the first year is the hardest and all these kinds of things. And what that does is it sets people up to judge themselves. That only really sets us into a really lonely kind of isolated place. It's important just to wake up again and meet the day as it comes. We are not meant to grieve alone. We really do need people and if that can't come from family or friends, then we need professional support. But we need to talk about our story as many times as we have to say it. And that's really important to remember. In grief, it's not just we're talking about things once and processing it and that's all that we need. You know, a lot of times this pain and these trauma have to be processed multiple times, even throughout the day. So my words to grievers are let yourself experience whatever you're feeling in the moment as often as you need to experience it.

[A]

Still ahead, how to navigate grief while parenting and how to talk to children about death. We'll also explore how holiday traditions can change after a loss and a simple, meaningful way to honor loved ones this season. Plus, an important reminder for anyone supporting friends or family dealing with grief. That and more after a quick break. For our sponsors. This episode of the Newsworthy is brought to you by Dose. Let's be honest, modern life can be rough on our bodies. Late nights, stress, processed foods, environmental elements. Your liver is working overtime to filter all that out and when it's overworked, you can really feel it. Well, Dose for your liver is a clinically backed liver health supplement and it's different from anything I've tried before. It's not a capsule or a powder, It's a daily 2 ounce liquid shot and it tastes like fresh squeezed orange juice. My husband and I both really enjoy the taste, which makes it easy to make it part of your morning routine. Your liver is your body's filter. It processes everything you consume and can impact everything from energy production and digestion to fat metabolism and vitamin storage. Dose supports daily liver function so your liver can keep doing its job. Dose is even backed by two double blind placebo controlled studies showing its positive impact on liver enzyme levels. Ready to give your liver the support it deserves? Head to docedaily co newsworthy or enter newsworthy to get 35% off your first subscription. Your body does so much for you. Let's do something for it that's Dose Daily D O S E D A I L Y daily.

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[C]

What about for parents who might be dealing with grief while still having two parent young children or maybe a caregiver, grieving what they've already lost while still having to caregive?

[B]

Most of the time the grief of a parent gets put on hold, especially if another child in the family has died or if the partner in the family has died and there's surviving children. That happens a lot where they'll put their grief on hold. What I want to say to families is, or to those parents that are trying to parent, is that it's super important to make space for your own grief and to allow your children to see you grieve. All too often people want to protect their kids and depending upon how young the kids are, we have a really beautiful opportunity to set the stage for children that it's absolutely acceptable and even encouraged to have these emotions. Because what can end up happening is they end up parking it for so long to take care of the children. Years can go by and then we start seeing things like addiction and illness and those kinds of things that can develop. It's essential that you also, as the parent have an opportunity to experience your grief and process your grief. And we know that grief will wait. So even if you try to ignore it or Try to put it to the side because you're trying to parent. It will come up and it'll find a way to surface and to make itself known.

[A]

What do you recommend in terms of.

[C]

Discussions about death with young children?

[B]

Yeah, so it's all very age specific. There's a wonderful national organization called the Dougie center that I would encourage people to look up on their website. They really break it down age by age. And they're really specialists in children's grief. They'll talk very clearly about. We do use words that aren't euphemisms. We like to use the words that are age appropriate. But I use the word died. I don't say they went to sleep in those kinds of things because that can create a lot of other issues. But ask kids to be involved in the grief experience of the family to the best that they want. Now, children and adults grieve differently, but the premise of the grief is that we miss this person, and that's the universal thing that connects us. We love and we miss this person. Even the babies that are in a family that have experienced a death will show kind of getting fussy. They'll maybe need extra comfort. So no matter what age you are, you will experience this loss that's happened in this family. And we want to include the kids. We want to ask the children, you know, do you have any questions? That's a really important thing to ask. Do you have any questions about Grandma's death? How do you want to remember Grandma? How do you want to honor Grandma? Do you want to draw a picture for Grandma? Involve the kids as much as they want to be involved? And too often people think like, oh, they're too young to go to a funeral or a memorial service. That's not true. Again, we don't force anything. We rather we invite them in and we encourage them.

[C]

What about new traditions?

[A]

Do you think that can be helpful? Or how do you know when it's.

[C]

The right time to create something new and different, to maybe honor that person?

[B]

There's too much pressure, especially in the first two, one to two years. There's too much pressure that the holidays have to look like what they looked like when the person was alive. And really what I want to say is that that's not possible. When you take one person out of the equation, it's not going to look. The new traditions are beautiful. A lot of people struggle with those. They feel guilty. So what I really like to have people look at it is in terms of we're integrating the traditions that exist. And then the new ones we're creating. And what we can do is we can bring that person into our new traditions. You know, maybe it's. We decorated a certain tree with all blue ornaments because that was their favorite. Okay, well, we're going to keep doing that, but we're also going to make a new dish at Christmas or at Hanukkah that they liked, but we've never done it before. Or it was always that. We did the meal in the morning and they made breakfast, but they're no longer here. And it just feels like no one else can quite make breakfast like them. So we're going to move our meal to the evening. Look at it more in terms of your integrating trad. We're integrating both what was and we're creating what is versus it was either or. Like, either we're gonna have to do it that way or we're not doing it. And that's where everybody. Erica in the family, that's where kids come into play and they really can have a say in things. And that's what's beautiful, too. Everybody can have a say in this. Like, what will it look like? It's also okay to do something totally different, though. I know families. The first holiday, it's just too painful to be home. So they've taken a trip. They've gone to, like, Mexico or they've gone somewhere else. And that's not necessarily running from it. It's just that's what they needed that year.

[A]

Yeah, and that's a good point. That it can change year to year.

[B]

Yes, it can change year to year. And in fact, it just naturally does. There's a ritual that I created called the three wick candle that I talk about in my book, A Comforted Heart. And it's getting the three wick candle or getting three wicks if you don't have a three wick candle. Three votives, whatever it may be. And each wick represents a moment in time. And we have all of us at our gathering light the wicks one at a time, one wick being the past, one wick being the present, and one wick being the future. And I write a blessing for each one that's said. Then everybody can go around and they can talk, share a favorite memory about the person saying the name again, and just. It can be a lot of laughter and a lot of tears. But it's a beautiful ritual no matter what your belief system is to do together. And it often becomes one of the quote unquote, new traditions that people integrate into their holidays.

[C]

Is there anything else you want to add? Or maybe just one thing you wish everyone knew about grief during the holidays?

[B]

Well, I think the thing that's important is that grievers need support 365 days out of the year and grief in the holidays can feel a little more tender. But there's louder holidays like the ones that are coming up, meaning they're known to everybody. But every griever has a quieter holiday, like the day they got engaged or the day they found out they were pregnant and they had a miscarriage, whatever that may be. So I think what's important to know is, yes, show up for Grievers during the holidays and remember that they need our support and our love throughout the entire all of the days of the year.

[A]

Well, thank you so much to Kelly Grosslogs. Learn more from her at conversationswithkelly.com that's also where you can find her two books, including her latest, When Love Meets Grief, A Grief Therapist, Reflections from the Bedside, and Beyond. We'll link to it all on today's Episode Notes on our website thenewsworthy.com and as always, join us again during the week to catch our 10 minute daily news roundups. We used a fast, fair, fun style to keep you in the know on the latest happenings without getting bogged down by arguing pundits or clickbait and rabbit holes. We're back with more news on Monday. Until then, have a great rest of your weekend.