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Welcome to the Nourished Nervous System, an exploration of stress, the nervous system, and resilience for parents and other humans through the lens of Ayurveda, somatics, herbs, and a whole lot more. I'm your host, Kristen Timchak, an Ayurvedic health counselor, stress and resilience coach, somatic stress release practitioner, and mother of a tiny human. Please join me for information and insights, deep thoughts and small steps to help you nourish your nervous system. Hello, hello, welcome, and welcome back to the Nourished Nervous System. So happy that you are here today as we move step by step more into kapha season. I'll talk more about kapha season soon. I'll do a whole episode on it, but today I want to do an episode on curiosity. It's something I've been thinking about a lot lately, and I've been thinking about what it actually means to be curious and how cultivating a curiosity mindset can be a pathway to more resilience. I'm constantly hearing people talking about getting more curious, being more curious, curiosity as an antidote to stuckness, rigidity to control, and perfectionism. And I notice for myself when I'm more curious in that curious mindset that it actually helps my nervous system to regulate and it actually creates more resilience. When I think about resilience and I think about that aspect of resilience, that is flexibility, being able to stretch and come back to shape, and when I think about curiosity and how that helps me to have a more open, flexible mindset, it's a pathway to creating that resilience. I think curiosity is something innate for us, but I also think that it is a skill that we can practice. And so personally, I've been using this in the microcosm of my life, in my parenting, in my relationships, my approach to my health, as well as zooming out and using it as a tool to navigate these wild, wild times. And so the definition of curiosity is the strong desire to learn or know something. And interestingly, it's also a strange or unusual object or fact. And I kind of like that. It can mean this desire to learn something, but it's also something unusual. You can also have a curious feeling or a curious sensation, which may mean that the feeling is strange or unusual or that you just can't define it. There's an amorphous quality to curiosity. The philosopher and psychologist William James from the 1800s called Curiosity the impulse towards better cognition, meaning that it is the desire to understand what you know that you do not and so I think that's something that's key here, that when we are curious, we're saying, I don't know all the answers, but I'm interested in following the pathways in discovering them. Once we know something, once we've stepped into that place of knowing, there's often judgment. There could be control, we're more rigid. And I think this type of rigidity can eventually make us more fragile. When we're so rigid, it's harder to have that ability to solve problems with new and creative ideas. So I think there's something in cultivating this mindset around curiosity that can help to create more flexibility and openness, creativity, all of those things. I think there can also be an obsessive quality of curiosity or the dangerous quality of curiosity, like curiosity killed the cat. And that's not necessarily what I'm talking about here. I'm not talking about being curious and being nosy and getting into other people's business. I'm more talking about this certain mindset that is more of like a gentle curiosity, a curiosity mindset, and how it can create more space and openness. I guess the way I think about it is that when we know something or we think we know something for sure, and the judgment comes in, it's a dead end street. There's nowhere else to go. We know it, this is how it is. That's all there is to it. But with curiosity, it's like a pathway that can keep on going and it may split apart into different pathways and you can choose which one to follow. Or maybe actually more accurately, it's like the light that lights up the pathway. So when there's more pathways to follow, there's just more options. And so for me, this looks like not having to know. I don't have to have all the answers. I don't have to be perfect. I don't have to know. I can drop into a space of curiosity, of asking questions, of learning and discovering. And it's actually a lot more relaxing for me, especially when the thing that I think I know is stressing me out. And I also think about that quote that I mentioned earlier from William James about curiosity being an impulse towards better cognition. And I think when we are curious, when we're asking questions, our brain is able to make different connections. It's creating more neuroplasticity in the brain to have different pathways to follow. Actual pathways in the brain are lighting up in the same way that the metaphor of curiosity being a light in the pathway. For me, what this looks like is when I catch myself in a strong judgment place or a knowing mindset, I'll pause and I'll question myself. So if you've ever read or studied the work of Byron Katie, where it's called the work, her questions here can be helpful. Do I know this to be true? Do I absolutely, without a doubt know that what I'm thinking is true and what would it mean for me? How would my behavior, my attitude, my mindset be different if it wasn't true? And then I also like to think about what other questions can I be asking here? How can I keep that light going along the pathway? So this has been big in my parenting lately. My son is 5 and he is, by the way, my guru in curiosity. He has so many questions, but he also brings up all sorts of other emotions in me sometimes when he's asking all of those many questions. And I can get into this place of thinking that I know why he's doing what he's doing, and it's obviously to make me lose my mind. But seriously, when I can actually catch myself and be curious about what's going on, instead of moving into a reactive place, when I can ask more questions and know less, I can approach him in a different way with a different energy. And it opens up space for different kinds of interactions. It opens up these different pathways, so I don't need to keep going down that dead end street. I know where that street ends. And the curiosity, the questions can help me to choose a different pathway. So an actual concrete example of this, this was a little while ago, but I brought my son to a puppet show at the library, thinking that this was going to be a very fun thing for us to do together. It was very crowded. We were sitting in the front next to a bunch of other little kids. But there's one child in particular that I think just wanted to interact with my son. They were around the same age, and so he was coming into my son's space a bit and my son was not having it. And eventually he tried to kick him and I moved us away. And eventually we had to leave the puppet show because my son was really fixated on this little kid and getting angry. And so we were going to go up to the children's room in the library. So we're waiting for the elevator. We got into the elevator, a bunch of other people got into the elevator with us, and my son just like lost it. And it was just a bad scene. And my response to it in that moment, I was stressed out and my dead End mindset was saying, he is being so difficult right now. He's so challenging. He can't get along with other kids. I try to do this fun thing with him, and he misbehaves and acts out. And as we got into the children's room, we went and found some space together, some quiet space. And as I calmed my own nervous system down, I started to get more curious. My question came up of why was that situation so triggering for my son? And then the elevator. And as I got curious, I asked him, is it hard for you to be in crowded spaces? And he said, yes. And I had never asked him this question before. And so this was all about a year ago. He was 4 then. And I was like, is that why you got so mad at that little kid? Was it that you were just feeling anxious around being around all the people? And when he came into your space, it felt hard. And he was like, yes. And so we were able to have a conversation about it. And then I was able to have this information to make future situations different. So now, whenever we're about to get on an elevator, if there's other people waiting, I'll ask my son, do you want to get on this elevator with the other people, or do you want to wait for the next one, or do you want to take the stairs? And so I give him options, because I know that that's something that makes him nervous, because I got curious about it. And now I understand that he is a really sensitive little human. And all of that sensory input is a lot for him to handle and process. When we're in situations like that, I try to have more compassion. And if I see him start to get overwhelmed or overstimulated, to take him out and bring him to a space where he can feel safe and calm. And so I think we can do this in our relationships instead of jumping into the judgment places, which is so, so hard. It is such a practice, let me tell you. I'm not by any means perfect or even great at this, but it's something that I really want to practice because it creates more connection. It helps me to understand the people around me. And I think we can also do this with ourselves. When we are feeling something in our health that is not right and being curious, what is it? What are the sensations that I'm feeling? When is it better? When is it worse? When do I notice the symptoms? What are the things that influence it? It's just that tracking and that curiosity, instead of going to that place that sometimes we can get to when we're not feeling well of this is just how it is, and it's not going to get better. But how can we have more openness and curiosity around all of the different situations in our lives? And I also think about this a lot. In our current political climate, where there's so much division, it's so, so easy to put people into boxes and to think that if they believe this one thing, then they also believe X, Y and Z. And it's so easy right now to have a lot of judgment, especially if there's different views in our people that are close to us and people in our families. And I just want to acknowledge that there are some people in our lives that it's just best to have distance and space from. There are some people that it just isn't safe to be in connection with. But there are tons of people that are just trying to be human the best way they can with the information that they have. And so my practice has been to try to be more curious. I have plenty of judgments, and I have also put people into boxes. But I notice when I can be more curious, like, why do they believe that? What are the circumstances of their life and the people around them that create that belief? And where are they getting their information from and what is the information that they are getting, and where am I getting my information from and what is the information that I'm getting? And how are these things different? And if they believe this thing, I wonder if they also believe X, Y and Z. It's nuanced, but it's a slight shift that can help us have a little bit more curiosity. Even when I'm curious, I don't have to agree with the other person. I don't have to not speak up about things. It's not about that. It's just about maybe having a little bit more space and flexibility in how we look at other people. And I think when we can follow that path of curiosity, it creates a pathway to more connection. And I think that's what happened with my son. When I got curious about why he was acting the way he was acting. It created more connection between us and more safety and more trust. So I think we can look at this in our bigger lives as well. How do we create more connection? How can we be with people who have different beliefs than we do around things that are really important, but yet how can we be in conversation in connection with them and stay curious about why they may believe those things? This is, like I said before, this is such an evolving practice for me, it is not something I'm totally great at yet. I can still get very triggered or angry or all the things, but it's where I'm aspiring to. And I also notice something that's subtle. But when I'm in the curiosity mindset, especially around things that feel really scary or stressful happening in the world right now, that when I can be more curious, it actually helps my nervous system relax a little bit more. If I go down that road of our society's collapsing and this is what it's going to be like and this is what's going to happen, it can make me get me into a very stressed out place and I'm not as effective in that place, I'm not resilient in that place. And I also don't know, I can have ideas about things but I don't actually know what's going to happen. And so when I can drop back into that place of I don't know, but I can be curious, I can get more information, I can try to find balanced sources for that information and I can also start asking the questions that actually help me to feel more regulated and thrive. And so for me those questions right now are how can I be more sustainable in my life? How can I strengthen my connection to community? How can I take care of my nervous system and cultivate more resilience in myself? And by the way, I do have a couple free resources in the show notes. I have a weekend nervous system reset which is a template for a day or two. An ayurvedic somatic nervous system reset that can be so, so helpful right now in this time where we need to just unplug for a minute and take care of ourselves. I also have a Nourished for Resilience workbook which has a self assessment tool, some questions for clarity and a habit tracker to help to actually bring some more of these resourcing practices our lives. And so I notice when I get more curious in that way, when I get out of the doom and disaster mode and into the learning and evolving mode, my nervous system gets more regulated. And curiosity, it's an animal drive, we all have it. But a curiosity mindset is something that we may need to cultivate and anyone can cultivate it. And it's really simple, just ask more questions, no less. If you find yourself on a dead end street of judgment and knowing, turn on that light of curiosity, see if there are any other pathways you can follow. So I think that's all I've got for today. But your small step for this week is to think of one circumstance or relationship in your life that you could approach with a little more curiosity. What is one question you could ask that you don't know the answer to? And to close, I have a quote from the Austrian poet Rainier Maria Rilke, Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign lit tongue, do not now seek the answers which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer. Okay, my friend, so grateful to be here with you. And I'll be back next week with Chandra Cantor on with an episode about community that I just love. I'm so excited for this episode. So I hope you'll be back with us next week. Hey there. Thanks for listening. I really appreciate you. If you weren't listening, I'd be sitting in this room talking to myself and that could get kind of weird. So I really, really do appreciate you. If you can think of anybody else that might enjoy listening, please share. And if you share on social media, please tag me. Nourished nervous system. Have a beautiful day.