The OCD Stories, Episode #519: Story: Ally Kristan (Grief, Worries of Harm Coming to Others, Her Book)

Host: Stuart Ralph
Guest: Ally Kristan
Date: January 4, 2026

Overview

In this episode, Stuart Ralph welcomes marine scientist and penguin expert Ally Kristan to share her personal OCD journey, including grief, harm-related obsessions, her path through therapy, nature, animism, intuitive healing, and her book “Braving the Waves.” Ally openly discusses childhood onset, family dynamics, coping mechanisms, re-framing OCD, and the positive role nature and intuition play in her ongoing recovery. The episode also explores her career in marine biology, time in Antarctica, and what animals like penguins can teach us about life and resilience.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Childhood Onset: Grief and the Spark of OCD

[01:54–08:26]

• Ally’s OCD began at age 12, following the death of her grandmother and exposure to tragic ghost stories in a school class.
  • The awareness of mortality—both from the funeral experience and tragic stories—produced deep anxieties about harm coming to loved ones.
  • Ally’s compulsions included counting, tapping, repeated rituals, praying, and reassurance seeking (e.g., standing outside parents’ door to check they were breathing).
  • Notable experience: Meeting a friend with similar compulsions led to the “profound relief” of realizing her symptoms had a name and could be treated.

Notable Quote:

“Nothing has ever been more important to me in my life than my loved ones... I could not handle the uncertainty of realizing terrible things can happen... So, I think both of those factors combined and, kind of all of a sudden one day, these symptoms started to come on.”
— Ally [03:02]

Therapy, Recovery, and Growing Up

[08:26–18:18]

• Fortunate to find a pediatric OCD specialist in Raleigh, NC, who offered consistent talk therapy and eventually Prozac.
  • Therapy strategy: Listing and removing compulsions, one by one—with recurring success for Ally.
  • Ally notes the “spontaneous” compulsions and intrusive thoughts remained more persistent throughout adolescence and adulthood.
• Lack of OCD-specific resources as an adult led Ally to self-educate and support her own recovery.
  • She describes being the one to educate her general therapists about OCD.

Notable Quote:

“I wound up doing a lot of my own research and doing self-treatment and have still continued to go to therapy pretty regularly, but have never been to an OCD specialist again... I’m usually the one, like, teaching my therapist about OCD and how it's impacting my relationships or career.”
— Ally [07:22]

Core Themes: Harm and Loss Obsessions

[12:22–14:09]

• Ally’s OCD theme was focused on fears of losing loved ones, manifesting in rituals to prevent harm and death to loved ones and even strangers.
  • Example: Compulsively tapping or praying to stop parents from being hurt in car accidents or prevent illness.

Notable Quote:

“Every time my parents left the house, it would be all sorts of compulsions and pretty much nonstop prayers until they returned... tapping two hundred and six times... to make sure neither of them gets an awful medical diagnosis tomorrow.”
— Ally [12:39]

Connection to Nature, Mindfulness, and Intuition

[18:49–26:26]

• Nature and mindfulness are central in Ally’s self-care—spending intentional, phone-free time outdoors, tuning into the present moment, and practicing meditation.
  • Daily meditation, mindful nature observation, and engaging with tarot/oracle cards to reconnect with intuition.
  • Discussing how OCD treatment can sometimes confuse ignoring all intuition. Ally found value in learning to distinguish fear-based compulsions from genuine gut feelings.
• Stuart and Ally exchange on the tension between science, therapy, and trusting intuition.

Notable Quotes:

“There’s such an overlap between how much screen time I’m spending or time at work and how present my OCD symptoms are... just sitting and being and watching what’s going on around me is profound.”
— Ally [19:09]

“OCD is so primarily fear based... the gut instinct feels a bit more like drawing me towards something good... OCD feels so tightly up in my chest, but the intuition feels more down in my stomach, like it’s a more grounded feeling.”
— Ally [24:10]

Memorable Exchange:

“For me, sometimes intuition, it’s a knowing. OCD is very much a doubt... the real big intuitional moments for me, I almost haven’t been fearful. It’s been like, no, no, this is the truth. Like I was certain.”
— Stuart [25:41]

Reflections on Grief, Family, and Childhood

[08:26–12:13]

• Both Ally and Stuart share personal stories of the first experience with parental grief (seeing their fathers cry), which left strong, formative impressions and a sense of vulnerability.
  • Connecting these early experiences to their OCD onset—a universalizing moment for listeners.

Notable Quote:

“The first time you see your parents really upset and you’re like, oh, the superhero is crying—things can’t be good.”
— Ally [10:54]

Reframing OCD, Animism, and Self-Compassion

[31:45–40:41]

• Ally talks about reframing certain compulsions, such as “knocking on wood,” by learning about their origins in animistic beliefs, giving compulsions a positive or spiritual spin (e.g., tree spirits).
  • Discusses heightened empathy toward objects and animals as a child (animism, concern for stuffed animals), finding comfort in realizing one’s differences might be innate and beautiful, not “sick.”

Notable Quote:

“If I can have an appreciation for the world around me in that way, instead of viewing it as this obsessive fear... maybe as something innate and that can be seen beautifully, rather than you thinking of it as this sickly part of your mind, has been hugely helpful for me.”
— Ally [39:23]

On Writing “Braving the Waves”

[36:35–40:41]

• Ally’s book was written to de-stigmatize OCD and share self-help approaches, especially for those with limited OCD-specific resources.
  • First half: Memoir for better empathy and understanding for parents, children, and loved ones.
  • Second half: Self-help guide (nature spirituality, reframing compulsions, journal prompts).
  • The book reflects Ally’s identity as a marine scientist, with a penguin on the cover.

Memorable Moment:

“She just loved penguins and she’d always suffered from OCD, and she google searched ‘OCD and penguins’ and it came right up. And I was like, wow, you’re like the exact 1% of the population who could really resonate with this.”
— Ally [36:41]

Penguins, Antarctica, and Lessons from Wildlife

[40:54–46:41]

• Ally describes Antarctica as both incredibly beautiful and utterly indifferent—“it does not care whether you live or die”—and shares awe at animals like Weddell seals and Adelie penguins surviving in extreme conditions.
  • Observing animal resilience, community, and presence has profoundly influenced her own approach to fear and living in the present.
  • Penguins rarely seem fearful except in true danger—humans could learn to worry less about the future and enjoy the present, trusting in their own resilience.

Notable Quote:

“Watching penguins and other animals has taught me to enjoy every single day... it’s okay to enjoy the present without so much fear of what tomorrow holds. Nobody else except for humankind seems to have this deep fear. And I honestly kind of think other animals are more evolved than we are because of that.”
— Ally [45:24]

Reflections on Worry and Words of Hope

[43:11–44:28; 44:36–45:12]

• Ally emphasizes inheriting resilience, coming from ancestors who survived immense hardship; encourages listeners that it’s possible to thrive with OCD and that seeking help is an act of strength.
• On what she’d tell her 20-year-old self:
  • “You don’t have to worry so much, things really are going to be okay... one of my biggest regrets in life is how much time I’ve spent worrying when really things turn out okay.”

Penguin Advocacy: Krill Fishing

[46:52–48:58]

• Ally advocates for stopping krill fishing in the Southern Ocean (crucial to Antarctic ecosystems and wildlife survival), raising awareness for ethical omega-3 alternatives.

Memorable Quote:

“Stop krill fishing. That’s what I would like... when you see pictures of these huge super trawlers in the most remote areas at the bottom of the earth, just taking everything that they can—a completely needless industry, I think is a pretty stark image of what’s happening with corporations today.”
— Ally [46:52]

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:54: Ally’s OCD origin story (grief & ghost stories)
• 07:22: Discovering a name for her symptoms and start of therapy
• 12:22: Core OCD themes: fear of harm/loss
• 18:49: Nature/mindfulness as self-care
• 21:51: Discussion: intuition vs. OCD-related fear
• 31:45: Reframing OCD with animism/nature spirituality
• 36:35: About Ally’s book, “Braving the Waves”
• 40:54: Experiences in Antarctica, animal resilience
• 43:11: Words of hope for listeners
• 46:52: Krill fishing advocacy

Memorable Quotes

• “There is such a shortage of OCD specialists... I wound up doing a lot of my own research and doing self treatment...” — Ally [07:22]
• “Nothing has ever been more important to me... than my loved ones... I could not handle the uncertainty of realizing that.” — Ally [03:02]
• “For me, sometimes intuition, it’s a knowing. OCD is very much a doubt.” — Stuart [25:41]
• “Anyone who’s alive today has to come from a very strong bloodline... you already inherently have what it takes to get past OCD...” — Ally [43:11]
• “The blood of all those people is still within you. We all come from warriors and fighters and survivors.” — Ally [43:11]
• “Watching penguins and other animals has taught me to enjoy every single day... Nobody else except for humankind seems to have this deep fear, and I honestly kind of think other animals are more evolved than we are because of that.” — Ally [45:24]

Overall Tone

The discussion is open, empathetic, and practical, mixing candid sharing of struggle and vulnerability with warmth, intelligence, humor, and hope. The tone is contemplative and gently philosophical, highlighting science, spirituality, community, and the healing power of nature.

Further Resources

• Ally’s Book: “Braving the Waves” (link in show notes)
• OCD Support: NOCD (link in show notes)
• Dr. Sam Greenblatt episode (mentioned by Stuart; intuition vs. OCD discussion)
• Jane Goodall’s final Netflix interview (for inspiration and mindful nature observation)

End summary.