The OCD Stories – Episode 526

Guest: Mike

Host: Stuart Ralph

Release Date: February 22, 2026

Overview

This episode of The OCD Stories features “Mike,” returning for an in-depth solo episode after previously participating in a group discussion. Mike courageously shares his lived experience with several OCD themes—including sexual orientation OCD (“gay OCD”), existential OCD, somatic OCD, harm OCD, contamination, and “just right” OCD. He reflects on his early life, the impact OCD has had, his journey into therapy, and the resources and therapeutic approaches that have guided his recovery. The discussion is rich with practical wisdom, hope, and a candid recounting of mental health struggles and breakthroughs.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Mike’s Early Experiences with OCD

• Curiosity in Childhood

  • Mike describes being “very inquisitive,” always asking “why” as a kid ([03:23]).
  • Grew up in foster care; early signs of OCD included walking around cracks (“step on a crack, break your mother's back”) and street grates, driven by fears of harm ([03:39]).

• Retrospective Recognition

  • Only in adulthood did he recognize these behaviors as compulsions and early signs of OCD ([05:12]).

Major OCD Themes in Mike’s Life

• Sexual Orientation OCD (“Gay OCD”)

  • First major episode at age 19: intrusive thought “they think you’re gay” while in a mall ([07:15]).
  • Mike purposefully uses blunt terminology (“gay OCD”) to disempower the thought:
    • “I just flatly state what it is, because being dismissive in that way, it truly demonstrates my brain that I am not afraid.” ([08:12])
  • Developed compulsive behaviors around posture, sitting, and proximity to others due to fears of being perceived as gay ([12:08]).

• Existential OCD

  • Troubling, abstract thoughts on topics like the expansion of the universe and questions such as “where is the universe expanding to?” ([09:20]).
  • Drove compulsive reading of philosophy and science for reassurance, but never found final answers, fueling the cycle ([10:15]).

• Somatic OCD

  • Hyperawareness of bodily sensations, especially blinking and breathing ([10:52]).

• Harm OCD

  • Vivid intrusive thoughts about harming his young son led to significant distress and was a major turning point ([13:25]).
  • Sought help after Googling, “having thoughts of stabbing someone, but I don’t want to stab them” ([14:11]).

• Contamination and Just Right OCD

  • Compulsions around picking cups from deep within stacks and never using items at the top, as well as needing to sit at specific angles due to vague feelings of threat ([10:35], [11:08]).

The Path to Recovery

Discovering Resources & Therapy

• Mark Freeman and ‘You Are Not a Rock’

  • Mike’s “first anchor in my recovery process” ([16:55]).
  • Key insight: the difference between reading to “get rid of OCD” vs. reading to understand and accept ([30:04], [30:37]).
    • “The first time I read it, I was trying to get rid of ocd. The second time I read it, I wasn’t. And there’s a difference between those two readings...” ([16:55])

• Understanding Rumination with Dr. Michael Greenberg

  • Dr. Greenberg’s articles clarified rumination as an abstract, mental compulsion ([21:13]).
  • “He explained it in depth...the way you stop thinking about a thing is the same way you stop trying to solve a math problem. You just stop. And that’s it.” ([23:15])
  • Mike practiced stopping thoughts by internally cutting off the ABCs mid-sequence as an exercise ([23:35]).

• Dr. Steven Philipson and “The Choice” Article

  • Foundational for understanding the mechanism of OCD and the importance of choosing not to engage with compulsive thinking ([24:26]).

• Working with Dr. Michael Alcée

  • Brought psychodynamic and creative approaches to the fore.
  • Helped Mike see his sensitivity and attunement as gifts, not flaws ([36:19]).
    • “What he really showed me is to embrace the sensitive side of the OCD. And that being sensitive and attuned and caring is a gift. And we as people with OCD need to just learn how to fine tune it.” ([36:19])

• Other Key Books and Resources

  • Hope and Healing for your Nervous System by Dr. Claire Weekes—introduced the concept of “floating” past anxiety ([25:22]).
  • Dr. Albert Ellis’ How to Stubbornly Refuse to be Miserable About Anything (REBT).
  • Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning ([26:32]).
  • Russ Harris’s The Happiness Trap (ACT).
  • Emma McAdam’s ‘Therapy in a Nutshell’ 30-day online anxiety course ([27:53]).

Therapy Insights & Self-Practice

• Acceptance Over Compulsion

  • Central shift in recovery: letting go of the need to “get rid of OCD,” instead learning to accept uncertainty and tolerate discomfort ([30:37]).
  • “When you do something to get rid of ocd, it doesn’t get rid of ocd. It tells you and your brain and your body that, oh, no, I need to be vigilant and I need to be hyper aware of OCD at all times.” ([30:55])

• ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention)

  • Mike credits ERP as transformative to his ability to handle discomfort ([40:29]).
  • “I know technically…from a purely technical standpoint, you don’t necessarily have to do erp. If you could just not think about the thoughts. But you can’t not think about the thoughts. That’s why you have to do the ERP.” ([44:30])
  • Recounts how repeated exposure made even high anxiety moments feel survivable and lessened their impact ([44:48]).

• Integrating Multiple Therapeutic Approaches

  • Mike likens his approach to training at various “kung fu schools”—ACT, CBT, stoicism, psychodynamics—to build his unique toolkit ([37:45]).
    • “I bring it all together internally within me and take a little bit from everybody and make it work for myself.” ([38:05])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Recovery and Hope:

  • “If you take nothing else, if you listen to nothing else, you can get better. Everybody can get better. And I believe that through and through.” (10:34)
  • “It will get better. It can get better. I know it sucks probably right now, depending on where you’re at in your journey, but it can get better. You have to do the work.” ([40:29])
  • “Once you see, it can change. You will build momentum, and as you build more and more momentum, you will see more and more changes, and then it will open up. I’m currently at a place where I don’t struggle with OCD. I don’t.” ([41:10])

• On Theme Content vs. Process:

  • “In retrospect, I recognized, okay, it wasn’t even about my sexuality at all. It was about the back and forth between the fear...and the game of engaging with the thought was what it was really about.” ([12:24])

• Philosophical Acceptance:

  • “You may not understand everything now, and I promise you, you won’t ever understand everything in the future, but you will grow and you will come to understand the things that are necessary for you to understand. You will learn how to let go of the things that don’t have the answers that you see.” ([47:47], advice to his younger self)

• On Community and Sharing:

  • “I do want to say, I encourage anybody who has OCD to open up to your family as much as you feel comfortable or as much as you can because you never know what they may be going through and how you can help them with your experience...” ([49:00])

• On Integrative Therapy:

  • “That’s how I look at my OCD practice. I go over here, I learn some ACT. I go over here, I learn some DBT. I go over here, they got CBT schools...and I bring it all together internally...” ([38:05])

• On Support Groups:

  • “Our backgrounds are dramatically different, but this particular obsession, this particular way of thinking has arrived in both of our lives. And then in that moment, I didn’t feel so alone anymore.” ([42:36])

• Billboard Message:

  • “Life is beautiful and I’m glad to be here with you.” ([48:02])

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 04:00 – 09:00: Childhood and teenage OCD manifestations
• 10:00 – 12:30: College years; onset of “gay OCD” and existential OCD
• 13:25 – 16:54: Harm OCD crisis and seeking help online
• 16:54 – 18:20: Discovery of Mark Freeman’s work and the shift in understanding
• 21:00 – 23:35: Understanding and practicing to stop rumination
• 25:22 – 27:53: Other foundational books and therapy resources
• 30:04 – 30:37: The difference between recovery-driven reading and compulsion-driven “cure” seeking
• 36:19 – 39:16: Working with Dr. Michael Alcée and embracing personal sensitivity
• 40:29 – 44:48: Words of hope, ERP, and describing true personal change
• 47:03 – 47:47: Message to his younger self
• 48:02: Billboard message
• 49:00: Openness with family and encouraging open dialogue

Takeaways for Listeners

• OCD can manifest in many ways beyond stereotypical forms; insight and language matter in how we approach thoughts.
• Recovery is possible—acceptance, correct identification of compulsions, and the right resources are key.
• Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) is fundamental, but integrating various therapeutic tools is also valuable.
• Community, openness, and support—whether in therapy, social circles, or family—are crucial for healing.
• Even the most distressing and hopeless periods can eventually give way to hope and meaningful change.

For further support:
Mike highlights NOCD, Mark Freeman, Dr. Michael Greenberg, Dr. Steven Philipson, Dr. Michael Alcée, Dr. Claire Weekes, Dr. Albert Ellis, Russ Harris, Emma McAdam, and the wider OCD community as resources worth exploring.

Memorable Closing Thought:
“Life is beautiful and I’m glad to be here with you.” ([48:02])