161. How Sex and Intimacy Can Help You Move Through Grief

Summary

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Podcast Summary: The OCD Whisperer Podcast with Kristina Orlova

Episode 161: How Sex and Intimacy Can Help You Move Through Grief
Guest: Krista Reed
Release Date: December 5, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode is the second in a two-part series focusing on grief, loss, and OCD. Host Kristina Orlova brings back therapist Krista Reed to move from understanding the grief/loss cycle (covered last episode) to practical tools for coping and healing. The discussion centers on creative, physical, and intimate strategies to manage grief—especially for those with OCD. Krista shares professional insights and personal experience, breaking stigma around topics like sex, self-pleasure, and healthy emotional expression.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

The Role of Cortisol and Stress Management

• (02:27) Krista opens by highlighting the physiological overlap between grief and OCD: both spike cortisol (the stress hormone). Any practice that helps lower cortisol is key for healing.
  • “Anything that is going to allow the cortisol to be reduced... is going to be effective for individuals going through grief, but also with OCD.” — Krista Reed

Top Strategies for Moving Through Grief (and OCD)

1. Writing & Creative Expression

• (03:31–05:21)
  • Journaling and poetry are Krista’s foremost healing tools—naming and describing the pain helps process and tame it.
  • Naming the experience specifically (e.g., “sexual abuse,” “grief”) removes shame and allows real healing.
  • “Name it. Put it down. Write down all those emotions. Write down what it's taking from you. Let's be real. Grief takes away so much…” — Krista Reed (04:59)
  • Creative outlets can be broadly helpful (art, poetry, music), but writing is particularly cathartic, letting you “be real” with yourself.

2. Movement & Physical Activity

• (06:02–09:17)
  • Moving the body (walking marathons, yoga, stretching, weightlifting) is vital. Accountability helps—Krista mentions monthly walking challenges with her partner.
  • The hardest part is starting (“I know it works…but when I’m just getting into it, it's like, no, I don't want to” — Krista, 08:38).
  • Don’t wait for mood or motivation; action often precedes positive feelings.
  • “We are the chokehold…Sometimes we wait for some magical moment. Just do it regardless whether you feel like it or not.” — Kristina Orlova (09:17)

3. Embracing Sex, Intimacy & Self-Pleasure

• (11:26–17:52)
  • Krista directly encourages masturbation and sex as healthy, natural, instant methods of reducing stress and supporting emotional processing.
  • Breaking the stigma is crucial: “Go masturbate. Seriously. Go have an orgasm. Seriously.” — Krista Reed (11:26)
  • Intimacy can help people feel alive or connected when otherwise numb. For some, sex is the first moment they feel truly present after a major loss.
  • “Sex and masturbation and orgasm…are such a natural and healthy manner to heal and to de-stress. It needs to be said.” — Krista Reed (14:25)
  • Both Krista and Kristina emphasize permission to experience comfort and pleasure as part of grieving: “If you're not hurting yourself, you're not hurting somebody else… You do you.” — Krista Reed (18:40)

4. Avoiding Harmful Coping (Alcohol & Sugar)

• (20:34–29:34)
  • Krista recommends minimizing alcohol and sugar, as both worsen cortisol spikes and can prolong or complicate grief.
  • Alcohol is a depressant, may foster avoidance, and can slip into dependency (“Don’t use it as a means to cope, to heal…don’t do it in an excessive manner.” — Krista Reed, 20:34)
  • Both Krista and Kristina share personal anecdotes of using alcohol during grief and how growth and self-awareness led them to healthier boundaries.
  • “If you're going to use anything, whatever it is, how about just do it when you're happy, not when you're sad or down or depressed.”— Kristina Orlova sharing advice (29:34)

5. Self-Compassion and Reflection

• (34:17–34:48)
  • Krista introduces her new journal, Breathe Between Battles, which guides users through naming their battle and then approaching it with compassion.
  • Example prompt: “Write a letter to yourself about something you want to forgive.” (34:48)
  • Key insight: Naming the experience makes it more manageable (“Name it to tame it”). The second phase helps process and relieve shame or guilt.

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• “Grieving is a verb. You can choose the healing path or you can choose the path that's going to be very harmful.”— Krista Reed (11:11)
• “If you're not hurting yourself, you're not hurting somebody else… You do you. Grieve in your own way.”— Krista Reed (18:40)
• “Let's talk about this piece. Because this piece does actually show up. And, you know, it's not always named, frankly.”— Kristina Orlova (19:02)
• “Name it. Put it down. Write down all those emotions. Write down what it's taking from you. Let's be real. Grief takes away so much…” — Krista Reed (04:59)
• “You never regret moving your body after you're done. But you do before.”— Paraphrased theme from Krista and Kristina (08:31–08:38)
• “I want to come back to your plug in…because I do think there is something powerful about things that you have that are structured and questions, especially with the amount of experience you have to give really cool prompts and ways to have people pause and reflect.” — Kristina Orlova (31:41)

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Important Segment Timestamps

• 00:00–01:00 — Ads/Intro
• 01:00–01:57 — Introduction & series context
• 02:27–05:21 — The connection between grief, OCD, cortisol, and the power of naming
• 06:02–09:17 — Physical activity as a healing tool
• 11:26–17:52 — Sex, self-pleasure, intimacy in healing; stigma and normalization
• 20:34–29:34 — Alcohol, sugar, avoidance, personal stories of grief coping
• 32:27–34:48 — Krista’s journal: Breathe Between Battles & sample prompts
• 35:18–35:42 — How to find Krista Reed and her work
• (Skip remaining—ads/outro/non-content)

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Resources & Additional Mentions

• Krista Reed's Journal: Breathe Between Battles (available on Amazon)
• Krista’s Practice: reedocd.com
• Krista’s Instagram: @kristaruthreed
• Krista’s Podcast: Talk Taboo to Me
• Free OCD Survival Kit: www.corresults.com

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Episode Tone

The conversation is candid, supportive, and warm, blending professional expertise with lived experience and a touch of humor. Both Krista and Kristina are open about personal struggles and challenge stigma throughout, particularly around sexuality, pleasure, and emotional authenticity. Practical tips are interwoven with reassurance that whatever one’s process, there are ways to move toward healing and self-compassion, especially for those with OCD.

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Transcript

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[Krista Reed]

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[Christina Orlova]

Welcome to OCD Whisper Podcast guys with me, I have Krista Reed back with us. So this is our second series of a two part series where we talked about grief loss and ocd. And I'm so glad that Krista is back with us because today, just as a recap, last time we talked a bit more about understanding the grief loss cycle and kind of how things can show up when you have ocd. But this time we, we want to really dive more into like what do we do about this, right? How do we, how do we deal with these feelings? How do we manage this stuff? Because it's a lot. So today Chris is going to share with us her insights and things that she's been discovering along the way, which I'm very excited to hear about. So welcome back.

[Krista Reed]

Well, thank you so much for having me. I find that the, the list of stuff that I'm about to share to you is kind of a collaboration of things that I have found personally and also of course, just things as being a thing therapist for almost 20 years.

[Christina Orlova]

Hi, I'm Christina Orlova, host of the OCD Whisperer podcast. As someone who lives with ocd, I understand the struggles firsthand. If you're here, you're not alone. Before we start, grab your free OCD survival kit at www.corresults.com to help you take control. That's K O R results.com now let's dive into today's episode.

[Krista Reed]

The the main thing that you really just have to look for just before even introduce the list is anything that is going to allow the Cortisol to be reduced. Because as we know, those are the two things that are. That's. That's one of the things that OCD and grief both have in common, is they just. They just shoot that cortisol levels really, really high, those stress hormones. And we have to find ways to balance ourselves out. And so I feel like this list of stuff can be not only effective for individuals going through grief, but also individuals with ocd. And since we're talking about both, guess what? I can do something for both as well. But I'd say, first and foremost, my number one way. I'm giving it away already. Whatever. My number one way is, I write. I write a lot. I mean, I literally just came out with a journal last week and already just dropping those promotions in there. Christina, good.

[Christina Orlova]

Do it.

[Krista Reed]

Well, I wrote a journal last week. It's called Breathe Between Battles. And it actually is a collaboration of prompts that I have acquired just throughout the years for my own journals. So some of them I kind of created for the sake of the journal to make sense of it. But the whole purpose is I just have found it so helpful. Like one. Like, name it. What is that thing that's out there that you're just really, really struggling with? And quite frankly, I got that from years of being a trauma therapist. And I can think of when I was working with children who experienced sexual abuse, that was one of the big things that we would always say is you say the names of the body parts, you say exactly what happened. That way the child doesn't grow up thinking, you know, something wrong, that you could say you were sexually abused. Being able to actually name it, being able to actually say that this is exactly what it is. And I find that that is so true for every single battle that we have and our life, you know, when we're dealing with whatever grief, whatever challenge we're having, name it. Put it down. Write down all those emotions. Write down what it's taking from you. Let's be real.

[Christina Orlova]

Gosh.

[Krista Reed]

Grief takes away so much, so much. And I feel like if we don't slow down and connect with that, we're really not allowing ourselves to grieve. I think people need to also realize that there is grief, the emotion and grieving, the verb.

We have to actually grieve. We have to do things that, quite frankly, allows us to heal. It's not something that's just going to happen naturally. We have to accept the loss. We have to accept the change. We have to find a way to heal ourselves. And for Me, journaling, writing. I love to do poetry. Been doing poetry, gosh, since I was a kid. It's really funny. By the way, I still have some of the ones I wrote as a kid. Oh, man, I was an interesting kid.

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[Krista Reed]

One of these days I'll have to release the 15 year old files of Krista. They were, they were something. They were definitely written by a 15 year old kid. That's all I'm going to say. But for me, writing is such a beautifully cathartic way to do it. And I think for anybody, finding your artistic or creative medium is going to be the same. The second way is moving. You got to move. I walk a lot. I walk a lot. In fact, something that my partner and I do every month is we engage in like a walking marathon. So every month we make sure that we get in 26.2 miles a month. And boy, it's. It sounds like it wouldn't be that tough, but man, when you are dealing with an OCD episode or you're grieving or if you have depression or just whatever, the last thing you want to do is walk. And not only is it just really helpful just to get outside, but boy, even having like, I mean, like I said, my partner and I do it and we hold each other accountable. We're really supportive of one another being able to have like a buddy, like a buddy system. And it's not competitive, it's really healthy. And I have never said these words when I am done walking or doing yoga or stretching or weightlifting, whatever I might do just to get my body moving. I have never said, man, I really regretted that. That really sucked. I hated doing that.

No, yeah, that's what I say before because I would love to be one of those people that's like, oh God, I love exercising. Oh, gross. I hate all of it. And a lot of people view me as being like. Because I do yoga and I really thoroughly believe in it. There's not a lot of times that right before I do it, I'm just like, oh gosh, I can't wait to just like, you know, put my body into these positions. That's gonna hurt and I'm gonna be sore and then I'm gonna remember and then I'm gonna remind myself that, oh, the person right by me doing yoga, oh, they're so much more flexible than me. But I'm gonna be mine now. I'm just like, I don't wanna do this today. Like, I don't want to stretch my muscles. I don't Want to have to do an arm balance. But afterwards it's like, okay, that actually felt pretty good, and I'm really glad.

[Christina Orlova]

That I did it. Like, it is amazing how we do that. Beforehand. We're always like. And then after, you're like, man, that was. I feel better. I actually feel better.

[Krista Reed]

I know, I know. It just makes me think of, like. It just makes me think of, like, how infantile that we can all still be. Like, I know it works. I know that. But when. When I'm just, like, right. Getting into it, it's like, no, I don't want to. Like, I want to go home and, like, lay down and eat crap. Like, the crappiest crap of all time, and then just watch documentaries. Like, that's like, gosh, if I could make money doing that, I would. That would be. That'd be all I would do.

[Christina Orlova]

That's.

[Krista Reed]

But if you're like, that's not going to happen.

[Christina Orlova]

Okay, well, I mean, you're hitting also on an important point, right? Like, and I think most humans struggle with this. I'm sure you hear this, too. It's like, okay, I know what I need to do, but then it's the act of actually doing it. Right? And I think that's where we can have this mental block or, like, we are the chokehold, basically. And. And sometimes, you know, for a good reason. I'm not saying not, but. But I'm also saying sometimes where we wait for some magical moment, it's like, okay, then I'll do it. It's like, look, man, just do it regardless whether you feel like it, you don't feel like it. You could be like, oh, I hate all of it while I'm putting my shoes on. You know, I'm sad today, and I don't want to still doing it while I'm putting my shoes on. Just. And just get it going, regardless. Because our moods change all the time.

[Krista Reed]

Yes. Yes. I mean, my God, if my mood never changed, I would be a. All the time. Because not a morning person. I am not a morning person. Like, I would love to say h. I'm one of those girls that wakes up and it's like, thank you, world. Thank you, Earth. I feel amazing.

[Christina Orlova]

No.

[Krista Reed]

I wake up and I'm like, I literally hate everything about this moment right now because I'm in the. My favorite place in the world, my bed. I don't want to leave. And then I do, and then I become a better person. It just takes a bit. That is called a mood change.

[Christina Orlova]

Yes. Yes. But I Love so far. These, these two definitely sound really good. And, and I love that there's, you know, like a artistic kind of creative form just to give that inner experience an outlet. But I love that you're also having a physical format of actually like take care of your actual physical body that also needs help to move these things through it.

[Krista Reed]

And I think we just have to normalize that. I get it that when we're really, really, really down, we don't want to do any of this. But we have to.

Because like I said, grieving is a verb. And you literally can choose your own path. You can choose the healing path or you can choose the path that's going to be very harmful. I have heard so many stories about.

How particular situations like genders can grieve very differently. And I'm not going to go necessarily into that because I'm not an expert in regards to that. But the studies will even show that the people who do more of the healthier grieving grief technically shorter versus the ones who do exactly what I mentioned before I went, you know, eating crap and watching documentaries, which by the way, I don't have to be grieving to do that. Like I just want to do that all the time anyways. But doing that is going to take a lot longer. Even though it might feel better short term, you're going to feel like crap like long term. And that's where we can start to see some chronic illnesses and everything kind of creep up because you're not dumping that cortisol levels. We have to find a way to get those stress stuff out. And in fact, my next one, which I can see some people kind of scoffing at this one, but I think it would be silly to not mention you want a quick cortisol dump? Go masturbate. Seriously, I wasn't expecting that one. Okay, go have an orgasm. Seriously. And I say masturbate because let's be real, not everybody has a partner and not everybody necessarily might have access to something along the lines of that. But guess what, you always have access to yourself. And it's healthy. We know that it can help women with hormones. It can actually help with menstrual cycle. I've even heard that it can help when in it comes to.

Mood related issues, either during or after labor.

And it can help in so many just different and amazing healthy ways. But one of the ways that it can just really beautifully help us to grieve and heal.

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[Krista Reed]

I mean, it's amazing. It's amazing.

[Christina Orlova]

Yeah, I'll be honest, I really didn't.

[Krista Reed]

Expect to hear that one.

[Christina Orlova]

So I'm kind of just sitting here myself going, wait a minute, let me take this in right now.

[Krista Reed]

I mean, because you also have somebody on your podcast who doesn't have any problem saying the things that quite frankly need to be said. It's a very taboo thing. But I really genuinely want to also normalize the fact that sex and masturbation and orgasm and all that is such a natural and a healthy manner to heal and to de. Stress. It needs to be said.

I'm so done with stigmatizing stuff like this. It's. It's sad. You know, I, I have two teenage boys and the last thing I ever want them to feel like is shame. I grew up with a lot of shame when it comes to sex and all that kinds of stuff and I know a lot of other people did as well. And so if anything, you know, thinking about imprint in our world, if there's an imprint that I want, it's not related to sex. I just want people to think that I'm not going to judge them and I'm for humans doing things that are good and healthy. If we're going to talk about something, you know, healthy creativity exercise. I feel like if we didn't address the fact that sex is a very normal and natural way of processing our emotions and healing and quite frankly just feeling good. But man, that cortisol dump is. It's pretty instant. Yeah, no, you're right.

[Christina Orlova]

I mean, I mean, listen.

[Krista Reed]

What the grief? Well, yeah, exactly.

[Christina Orlova]

And I. But I think too to your point, Look, I think the reality is we don't perhaps mention or talk about it enough in this direct way. But the truth is we know when people are grieving so many things can come up and there's not some. It's not like some linear process how it looks. So you know, you could have times where maybe it's not the healthiest, but you might drink a little too much that evening, but maybe the next time you let yourself cry and then the next time you do want to be intimate and so all of those things I think are a fear game. And to your point, you know that.

[Krista Reed]

Yeah.

[Christina Orlova]

Like if you give yourself that permission and kind of you let yourself feel whatever the feelings are and be in that process, like you just said, it actually helps you move things through and move it along in a better, healthier way. So you can short. Shorten kind of the lifespan of this versus have it become something else. Right?

[Krista Reed]

Yeah. And we know that sex is one of the few things that humans can do that creates this level of physical connection. And when you are grieving, when you're really, really feeling upset, depressed, whatever, that can be a way that not only, you know, getting that orgasm cortisol dump and everything, but feeling that physical connection with somebody can be so powerful and emotional. And it's. It's always so much more than just sex. I always want to emphasize it's always worse than sex. And I also just want to say this because like you say, grieving is not linear. Everybody has their own ways of grieving. I've known. God, I've known people personally and I've had clients explain this to me too, that one of the things that has really kind of helped them was having sex with a partner. And it wasn't like they were doing that to avoid. It wasn't like they were doing that as a means to. Because I also get it that there can be like this avoidance piece that could potentially come up with stuff along the lines of that it wasn't like borderline addiction type stuff. Sometimes people say, it's the only time I felt alive. It was the only time that I didn't feel like I was reminded of this. And it helped me to process and get through something. And you're right, there's going to be absolutely times that people don't want to do that. There's going to be times people don't want to journal or exercise. And that's why I want to mention all these different concepts and not even just different concepts, but I just want to just mention how diverse they are.

[Christina Orlova]

Yeah. I mean, all of this is. It's hitting on different aspects of the human experience, really. And I mean, I think it's really kind of, kind of beautiful. Yeah.

[Krista Reed]

And I'm glad I surprised you.

[Christina Orlova]

Yeah, you did, girl. You took, you saw me. I was like, oh, wait, what? Give me a second.

I don't get surprised easily. I just, just wasn't expecting it. So I'm like, oh.

[Krista Reed]

And quite frankly, I hope I surprised some of your listeners, but not like in a shock value type of a way. But I hope. I kind of, like, I would love for somebody out there to say, like, you know, I. I needed that, because maybe I did that. Or, you know, maybe somebody did that when they were grieving and they might feel shame or guilt because of it, thinking, like, why in the world would I ever want something like that? My dad just died.

[Christina Orlova]

Why.

[Krista Reed]

Why would I want to do that? Because you're a human being, and we all need to heal and we all need to process in our own ways. And my whole thing is that if you're not hurting yourself, you're not hurting somebody else. You're not hurting any things you do, you. If it's cons you do, you grieve in your own way.

[Christina Orlova]

100%. Yeah. I mean, this. And again, this opened up the dialogue, right? That, like you said, it's not about the kind of shock value. It's more. Let's talk about this piece. Because this piece does actually show up. And, you know, it's not always named. Frankly. I. Yeah, I mean, I just. Just didn't expect it. But I do think it's an important point in concept because that is the reality.

[Krista Reed]

It's.

[Christina Orlova]

It's like, yeah, you could feel guilty and weird, like, oh, I shouldn't feel this right now. But then. But that might be the thing you're needing in that moment, you know, and again, like, why. Why sit and judge? And, you know, I don't think we should do that, personally. I think what. What's better is if we can slow down and listen to the other person and. And be with them in that moment to understand, like, okay, like, that's where you were at. Or that in that moment. And like you said, you weren't hurting anybody. There wasn't, you know, anything as a avoidance or. Or, I don't know, retaliation or anything like that. Right. It's more like. No, it's just a way in that moment of comfort. Well, that's okay. It's all okay. Yeah.

[Krista Reed]

And I mean, we know that exercise can release serotonin, and it can help. So can sex. I think that if we're going to talk about one, we need to talk about the other.

[Christina Orlova]

Yeah, no, I'm glad you brought it up.

[Krista Reed]

Yeah, no problem.

I have one more. And, you know, I kind of almost feel like this one, even though it's not as maybe like, oh, my God, she just said that. It's. It's one that I think everybody knows, but we don't want to hear.

Even me, because it's like, you really should avoid alcohol and you really should avoid. Have a lot of sugar. I know it's a, it's a downer. It's a downer. And I come from a family who is Irish Catholic and it's not an abnormal thing that when we are in family events that there might be liquor, wine, alcohol, whatever, there might be something along the lines of that. But we know alcohol is a depressant. It's not going to make it matter. And we also know that it can cause feelings of avoidance. Again, it's going to suppress things, not going to make things better. I understand if somebody says, well, can I maybe have like a glass of wine or something like that. Look, I'm not here to judge. I'm not a substance abuse counselor or anything of the sort. My whole thing is just saying don't use it as a means to cope, to heal, you know, don't do it in an excessive manner. If you're doing it, you know, with family, kind of. I mentioned my family. That's just a super normal thing.

[Christina Orlova]

That's just, it's just how it's always been.

[Krista Reed]

It's kind of almost like traditional. You never let anybody go overboard. You always got to make sure everybody is safe and everything. One, two, maybe kind of depending upon your size and tolerance is going to be potentially the most. But same thing with sugar. Both alcohol and sugar, they're terrible with cortisol, it's going to make things so much worse. And at the risk of sounding cliche, we are what we eat. If we eat crap and we drink crap, we're going to feel like crap.

[Christina Orlova]

I mean I'm listening to you and I'm not in disagreement, but I'll be honest. Like with, with my situation when I lost my mom at the more and same thing. Like as a Ukrainian culturally like same with drink, right? Like I went to Ukraine to also kind of do a little small something there for, for her to be kind of near her mom and the rest of the family that's buried there. But you know, we have. Usually it's customary to do like a.

[Krista Reed]

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[Christina Orlova]

The deceased and you do drink and part of the process is, you know, you start to do toasts is to remember the person and then you're supposed to, you know, try to be more jovial, to really focus on remembering life and, you know, the, the stories that, that you have with you as just to kind of help get through that. So frankly, while there. And then when I came back, I did, I did drink and, and I did drink a little. Not a little. I drank more than I needed to at times. Not all the time, but at times. And I think that, you know, like, you know, was that ideal? No. But did it help me at some of those times when it just was so overwhelming? Yeah, it's kind of. It's just what I reached for. I knew it wasn't the best, but I, you know, it was what it was. But I think to your point, what you're mentioning is, you know, also like, yeah, don't make it be the only thing you're relying on because you, like, you just went over these other ways of how to process this stuff because, you know, like, you make that distinction. There's like the grief and then there's grieving and like, yeah, there's the feeling and then there's the stuff you're doing to just get through day by day. And, you know, you don't want to take something like this and then, you know, suddenly become an everyday drinker. Because now we're going to be creating a whole separate set of issues.

[Krista Reed]

Oh, absolutely. And I'm not going to sit here and pretend like I'm all high and mighty or anything like this. I Remember back in 2010.

I had an uncle pass away very suddenly, very unexpected. I got a phone call first thing in the morning from my dad. And like, I had shared last time, I, you know, just big, big family, huge family.

And I don't remember if I talked about that last time. Well, on my dad's side, like I mentioned, Irish Catholic, there's like 26 first cousins and just. Yeah, there's, there's. There's a lot of us. A lot of us. And so in 2010, the youngest of the sibling group, so my young, my uncle had passed very unexpectedly. Only, only 50 years old. I got the phone call at like 7:30 in the morning. And this was during a time where my own OCD was just awful, awful, awful, awful. I was in a, a bit of a party stage where it wasn't abnormal for me. I mean, this isn't the best thing to admit, but this is true. It wasn't abnormal for me to get blackout Drunk, because I was just in a very unhealthy state of mind with my ocd. And. And at the same time I was also grieving a miscarriage. And that was a lot. I think that that's another type of grief that's just not spoken about enough.

[Christina Orlova]

Oh yeah.

[Krista Reed]

And so I remember that immediately after that phone call, I went and grabbed a beer and I had a beer at like 8 o' clock in the morning. And it dawned on me, what am I doing?

Like.

I'm not sitting with my family. Like there was, there was just something because they always say like, don't drink alone. And there was just something so just scary about the fact that I did that. And from that moment on, I've been very, very particular, very cautious of, you know, checking in with my emotions as to when I do that again, I'm still not going to seem like I'm high and mighty and think, well, have you ever drank when you were sad? Yes, I have. Okay. I am not perfect. I am absolutely a human being. However, I'm a million times more responsible than I ever used to be.

[Christina Orlova]

Well, I mean, yeah, you're talking about growth and evolution and, and I think that that also just comes with time, right? I mean, we as humans like fine wine. I think we get better with age in time. Right. Like, there's so many nonsensical things. Similarly, I listen to you, you know that I did. Yeah. 20s, even 30s. And. And then, you know, I think the hope is that one learns and learn from your own mistakes and learn to, like you said, attune to what's going on. And like, there you go, you had a powerful moment that. But you paid attention because you were present and you're able to say, wait a second, I don't like this or where it's going. And that's it. Right? That really is what we're talking about is getting to a place as a human being where you can be connected to yourself enough. Be comfortable in this, whatever your suit that you're in, be comfortable, if you will, in it. And know it comes with feelings and thoughts and all sorts of things. And your job is just to show up any moment and give whatever it needs in that moment, right? And then pay attention to the next moment. And that's really what I'm hearing from you, which I think is a beautiful thing that you're able to really see that and then start to apply it. It doesn't mean you don't enjoy. Enjoy drink or whatever, but like you took a moment to Actually slow down and say, wait a second. Do I really just want to do this in this, like, blind autopilot mode? Right. I could. Or I can get present and be a little more intentional about how I'm choosing it. Yeah, I think it's real wisdom.

[Krista Reed]

Well, yes, it takes wisdom. It takes maturity. It takes.

Quite frankly, self dignity to be able to look at yourself and realize that I'm doing this. And this is not. This is because, man, addiction and that kind of stuff, that's a real slippery slope. And I didn't want to ever get to that. To that way. And, you know, I think about this when talking about compulsions with ocd, you know, the wtf, what's the function? You know, if you're drinking, what's the function? Why are you doing this? And sometimes that can be, you know, maybe I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna say a healthy or unhealthy way. Maybe it's a helpful way of realizing that when you are dealing with particular emotions, are you trying to avoid. Are you trying to get away from. Are you trying to just. What? Because, yeah, like, if my mom comes over and she's like, would you like a glass of wine?

[Christina Orlova]

Yeah.

[Krista Reed]

Because that's, you know, something. My family and I are very celebratory and like, yeah, let's have a glass of wine. Just whatever. We do it with holidays. But I realize that that is something that.

I just. I just, I don't. For me, and I know for a lot of other people, I don't want to go down that road again and.

Use it when I'm upset to feel better.

[Christina Orlova]

Yeah. You know, this reminds me, very long time ago, I was at a harm reduction training and this instructor, Instructor said this and it just really stuck with me my whole life. And they said basically something along the lines of, you know, if you're going to use anything, whatever it is, how about just do it when you're happy, not when you're sad or down or depressed. I'm like, hmm. And they basically said like, yeah, notice how every time that something is unpleasant or whatever it is, that's when you tend to reach for it and then things can become excessive. Why not make a rule to reduce the harm and say, yeah, it's fine if you still feel like you want to engage in whatever, but why don't you do it when you're in a happy state and notice what happens and the difference and. And truly, you know, it. It took a moment to really kind of think about it. I'm like, oh, that's. That's actually a really good point. You don't think about that. Right. And like you said, like, culturally. Right. Some cultures, it's normative to just. That's just what you do and it's non issue. But similarly, alcoholism can be more normalized and treated as no biggie when, you know, it is like Eastern Europeans are known culturally like drinkers and like, not. Not so great all the time. You know, like, maybe you don't want to normalize it too much. So.

[Krista Reed]

Yeah. And I mean, alcoholism absolutely runs on both sides of my family. I mean, I got one side that's Irish and the other side that's German. And, you know, I mean, we literally have holidays where we celebrate drinking and those cultures and everything and realizing, you know, are we doing this for the happy? I like, I like the happy reason, like you just mentioned, because it's not like alcohol is going to make us happy. No, it's going to exacerbate the sadness. That's why so many people are getting to the point of blackout drunk is because it's not only exacerbating the sadness because it's a depressant, but they want none of that. And at least.

[Christina Orlova]

Yeah, you just want to numb out. Right? Exactly. It's like the fastest way to just knock it out. Yeah.

[Krista Reed]

Yep. So listen, I. Those are, those are. Those are all of the strategies that I have.

[Christina Orlova]

Well, I was going to say what I love and I want to come back to is your plug in. Because I don't know, I'm personally somebody that. That also loves journals and things. And so I love that you created this. I think I saw online, but I didn't realize it was your creation. So I would love for people listening, of course. Exercise you could do anytime. Obviously, you know, orgasming, no problem drinking, up to you if you're of age. But, you know, in terms of journaling, I do think that there is something powerful about things that you have that are structured and questions, especially with the amount of experience you have to give really cool prompts and ways to have people pause and reflect. So if you don't mind sharing with us, where can people get that? And I don't know, maybe you can throw out a prompt so that people can hear an example.

[Krista Reed]

Oh, my gosh. I don't have the journal right by me, so I'm going to try to remember one actually, and that's quite impressive. So it came out just last week, So I think September 19th or something along the lines of that. And it's on Amazon. It's called Breathe Between Battles. The journal is divided into two parts. The first part is focusing primarily on the battles. So naming the battle, figuring out more about the battle, the emotions behind the battle. Are there any particular people that might make the battle kind of out more exacerbate? It's really just coming into terms and being face to face with whatever your battle is. And I named it Battle.

Because I didn't want this to be exclusively about mental health. Because I see individuals who are dealing with chronic illness having a battle. I see people who are dealing with traumatic situations, a battle, natural disasters, a battle. There's so many different battles that people are dealing with and need to be able to actually put down and write, oh, boy. I mean, I think about a lot of people who are, you know, maybe leaving a religion. That's a whole other battle. You know, thinking about different faith and spirituality, whatever that battle is. And then the next part, which I call Breathe, this is essentially a way to approach the battle in a very compassionate manner and. And figuring out, okay, so who. Who are the people that have been here? How can I, you know, provide kindness to them like, they have provided to me?

It really focuses on, like, destigmatizing some of the shame and hopefully, like, alleviating some of the guilt that you might have and potentially even figuring out where some of that is coming from. So you said a prompt, and I had one, and I hope I get it correct. But it's simply along the lines of write a letter to yourself, forgiving yourself. Something along the lines of that, like, write a letter to yourself about something you want to forgive.

And. Yeah, stuff along the lines. All of that.

[Christina Orlova]

Yeah, that all sounds beautiful. And I love that you broke it down like that, to be honest, to at least, like, name it. I forgot where I heard it, but it's like name it to tame it. Somebody else came up with that, but I love that. I'm like, that's right. Yeah, like, put it out there so you can just acknowledge what is. And then I love the second part. Sounds like helps you kind of process and put it back together. Obviously, it will include everything in the show notes. Guys. Krista, thank you so much for sharing your insight. And if people want to find you, how can they find you?

[Krista Reed]

Well, I am on Instagram, just my full name, Krista Ruth Reed, and my practice address is read OCD.com and I also. And I know I mentioned it last time, but I also do a podcast. It's called Talk Taboo to me, where if you're wanting to hear a lot more about sex stuff, that's where we're going to be talking about it.

[Christina Orlova]

I love it. Thank you so much for coming on the show.

[Krista Reed]

Thanks so much for having me.

[Christina Orlova]

Thanks for listening to the OCD Whisperer podcast. Remember, freedom from OCD is a journey and you're not alone. Visit www.corresults.com to explore self help masterclasses like Sneaky Rituals with Jenna Overbaugh or ICBT Masterclass with Christina Inabe. Don't forget to grab your OCD CBT journal tracker and planner while you're there. If you found this episode helpful, please subscribe, share and leave a five star review to help others find the podcast. Together we can make a difference. Keep going and I'll see you in the next episode.

[Krista Reed]

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