Podcast Summary: The OCD Whisperer Podcast with Kristina Orlova

Episode 161: How Sex and Intimacy Can Help You Move Through Grief
Guest: Krista Reed
Release Date: December 5, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode is the second in a two-part series focusing on grief, loss, and OCD. Host Kristina Orlova brings back therapist Krista Reed to move from understanding the grief/loss cycle (covered last episode) to practical tools for coping and healing. The discussion centers on creative, physical, and intimate strategies to manage grief—especially for those with OCD. Krista shares professional insights and personal experience, breaking stigma around topics like sex, self-pleasure, and healthy emotional expression.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

The Role of Cortisol and Stress Management

• (02:27) Krista opens by highlighting the physiological overlap between grief and OCD: both spike cortisol (the stress hormone). Any practice that helps lower cortisol is key for healing.
  • “Anything that is going to allow the cortisol to be reduced... is going to be effective for individuals going through grief, but also with OCD.” — Krista Reed

Top Strategies for Moving Through Grief (and OCD)

1. Writing & Creative Expression

• (03:31–05:21)
  • Journaling and poetry are Krista’s foremost healing tools—naming and describing the pain helps process and tame it.
  • Naming the experience specifically (e.g., “sexual abuse,” “grief”) removes shame and allows real healing.
  • “Name it. Put it down. Write down all those emotions. Write down what it's taking from you. Let's be real. Grief takes away so much…” — Krista Reed (04:59)
  • Creative outlets can be broadly helpful (art, poetry, music), but writing is particularly cathartic, letting you “be real” with yourself.

2. Movement & Physical Activity

• (06:02–09:17)
  • Moving the body (walking marathons, yoga, stretching, weightlifting) is vital. Accountability helps—Krista mentions monthly walking challenges with her partner.
  • The hardest part is starting (“I know it works…but when I’m just getting into it, it's like, no, I don't want to” — Krista, 08:38).
  • Don’t wait for mood or motivation; action often precedes positive feelings.
  • “We are the chokehold…Sometimes we wait for some magical moment. Just do it regardless whether you feel like it or not.” — Kristina Orlova (09:17)

3. Embracing Sex, Intimacy & Self-Pleasure

• (11:26–17:52)
  • Krista directly encourages masturbation and sex as healthy, natural, instant methods of reducing stress and supporting emotional processing.
  • Breaking the stigma is crucial: “Go masturbate. Seriously. Go have an orgasm. Seriously.” — Krista Reed (11:26)
  • Intimacy can help people feel alive or connected when otherwise numb. For some, sex is the first moment they feel truly present after a major loss.
  • “Sex and masturbation and orgasm…are such a natural and healthy manner to heal and to de-stress. It needs to be said.” — Krista Reed (14:25)
  • Both Krista and Kristina emphasize permission to experience comfort and pleasure as part of grieving: “If you're not hurting yourself, you're not hurting somebody else… You do you.” — Krista Reed (18:40)

4. Avoiding Harmful Coping (Alcohol & Sugar)

• (20:34–29:34)
  • Krista recommends minimizing alcohol and sugar, as both worsen cortisol spikes and can prolong or complicate grief.
  • Alcohol is a depressant, may foster avoidance, and can slip into dependency (“Don’t use it as a means to cope, to heal…don’t do it in an excessive manner.” — Krista Reed, 20:34)
  • Both Krista and Kristina share personal anecdotes of using alcohol during grief and how growth and self-awareness led them to healthier boundaries.
  • “If you're going to use anything, whatever it is, how about just do it when you're happy, not when you're sad or down or depressed.”— Kristina Orlova sharing advice (29:34)

5. Self-Compassion and Reflection

• (34:17–34:48)
  • Krista introduces her new journal, Breathe Between Battles, which guides users through naming their battle and then approaching it with compassion.
  • Example prompt: “Write a letter to yourself about something you want to forgive.” (34:48)
  • Key insight: Naming the experience makes it more manageable (“Name it to tame it”). The second phase helps process and relieve shame or guilt.

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• “Grieving is a verb. You can choose the healing path or you can choose the path that's going to be very harmful.”— Krista Reed (11:11)
• “If you're not hurting yourself, you're not hurting somebody else… You do you. Grieve in your own way.”— Krista Reed (18:40)
• “Let's talk about this piece. Because this piece does actually show up. And, you know, it's not always named, frankly.”— Kristina Orlova (19:02)
• “Name it. Put it down. Write down all those emotions. Write down what it's taking from you. Let's be real. Grief takes away so much…” — Krista Reed (04:59)
• “You never regret moving your body after you're done. But you do before.”— Paraphrased theme from Krista and Kristina (08:31–08:38)
• “I want to come back to your plug in…because I do think there is something powerful about things that you have that are structured and questions, especially with the amount of experience you have to give really cool prompts and ways to have people pause and reflect.” — Kristina Orlova (31:41)

Important Segment Timestamps

• 00:00–01:00 — Ads/Intro
• 01:00–01:57 — Introduction & series context
• 02:27–05:21 — The connection between grief, OCD, cortisol, and the power of naming
• 06:02–09:17 — Physical activity as a healing tool
• 11:26–17:52 — Sex, self-pleasure, intimacy in healing; stigma and normalization
• 20:34–29:34 — Alcohol, sugar, avoidance, personal stories of grief coping
• 32:27–34:48 — Krista’s journal: Breathe Between Battles & sample prompts
• 35:18–35:42 — How to find Krista Reed and her work
• (Skip remaining—ads/outro/non-content)

Resources & Additional Mentions

• Krista Reed's Journal: Breathe Between Battles (available on Amazon)
• Krista’s Practice: reedocd.com
• Krista’s Instagram: @kristaruthreed
• Krista’s Podcast: Talk Taboo to Me
• Free OCD Survival Kit: www.corresults.com

Episode Tone

The conversation is candid, supportive, and warm, blending professional expertise with lived experience and a touch of humor. Both Krista and Kristina are open about personal struggles and challenge stigma throughout, particularly around sexuality, pleasure, and emotional authenticity. Practical tips are interwoven with reassurance that whatever one’s process, there are ways to move toward healing and self-compassion, especially for those with OCD.