The OCD Whisperer Podcast with Kristina Orlova

Episode 163: Relationship OCD, Shame, and Recovery: Learning to Live With Uncertainty
Date: December 19, 2025
Guest: Zach (Instagram: @OCDdestigmatize)
Host: Kristina Orlova

Episode Overview

In this episode, host Kristina Orlova welcomes Zach, creator of the “OCD to Destigmatize” Instagram page, to have a candid discussion about the lived reality of Relationship OCD (ROCD), the pervasive role of shame, and the nuanced journey of recovery. Through Zach’s personal stories, they uncover the relentless nature of intrusive thoughts, the importance of learning to live with uncertainty, and practical strategies for managing OCD. This episode serves as a reassuring, authentic look at the complexities of OCD, offering hope and validation to those who struggle.

Key Topics & Discussion Points

1. The Impact of Relationship OCD on Self-Belief (01:19)

• Zach shares the core beliefs shaped by OCD:
  • His relationships from ages 18–24 were marked by constant doubt: “Every single one of my relationships … were completely ruined by this feeling that I can actually love someone.” (01:26)
  • Compulsions included overcompensating with gifts and gestures to “make up for” obsessive doubts.
  • The resulting shame led him to end relationships abruptly, without explanation, isolating himself and seeking only shallow connections.

Memorable Quote

"I started to just hold this belief that I couldn't love anyone and that all I was able to do was hurt people."
— Zach, 02:53

2. Differentiating OCD Doubt from Normal Relationship Doubt (04:18)

• OCD doubts are louder and more ruthless than typical worries:
  • Zach notes how everyone has relationship uncertainties, but OCD’s questioning is “so relentless.”
  • With experience, Zach learned to distinguish gut feelings from OCD-driven doubts—when thoughts are “incessant” and disconnected from genuine emotion, he recognizes it as OCD.

Notable Insight

"Relationship OCD … is one of the hardest themes to deal with because of how close to reality it can be … It's really hard to tell."
— Zach, 04:24

3. Recovery: Accepting Ongoing Uncertainty (08:35; 09:27)

• Recovery isn’t symptom eradication, but new relationships to thoughts:

  • OCD is still “present” but far less dominant—Zach describes responding to ROCD thoughts with, “Maybe I do. But that's not today's problem. I'll figure it out another day.” (08:56)
  • He likens his current OCD “volume” to about 20% of his mind, down from 100%.

• Chronicity and Residual Symptoms:

  • Zach accepts that OCD is “a chronic disorder” but reframes recovery as the capacity to “have those thoughts and they wouldn't mean anything.” (10:00)
  • He’s learned to coexist with health anxiety (especially about rabies) and relationship uncertainty.

4. Living with Real-World Triggers & Exposure (12:24–17:27)

• Living in Vietnam as real-time exposure therapy:

  • Zach manages health-related OCD by experiencing realistic risks (living among stray dogs in a country with rabies).
  • Practices letting uncertainty linger: “Okay, well, I guess I'll find out tomorrow if I have rabies … If tomorrow I have rabies, then I guess then I'll worry about it. But now I have no symptoms.” (12:52)
  • He no longer obsesses over exposure or scans his body compulsively.

• Facing Old Themes Head-On:

  • Zach works as a teacher (despite having struggled with POCD) and is in a long-distance relationship—directly confronting his main OCD triggers.

Standout Quote

"In many ways, Vietnam has been such exposure therapy for me. Not only in my health OCD and my fear of rabies, but also in my relationship OCD … and POCD … all of those things put together, a young me would never have been able to do."
— Zach, 16:43

5. The Role of Community and Destigmatization (18:50)

• OCD recovery as a process, not perfection:
  • Zach details that it’s normal “to do a compulsion sometimes,” arguing against the all-or-nothing mentality.
  • Creating his Instagram page was key to overcoming shame—exposing his OCD openly removed its taboo power.

Memorable Quote

"Everything that my OCD has told me I have to be ashamed of is now on the Internet for anyone to see … I don't feel any shame."
— Zach, 20:13

• Validation through Sharing:
  • Regularly discusses “nitty gritty” topics (sexual obsessions, the groinal response) to normalize all aspects of OCD.

6. Words to His Younger Self & Others Struggling (22:49)

• Choose kindness and recognize the bravery of surviving OCD:
  • Recovery is “not linear"; expect peaks and troughs.
  • Progress isn’t erased by setbacks—remind yourself of how far you’ve come.

Notable Advice

"Surviving OCD is true warrior status. Doing ERP is true warrior status. If you're putting yourself in those positions, it's terrifying and you're doing a really brave thing. … Recovery isn't linear."
— Zach, 23:06

• Hope for the Future:
  • Zach reassures listeners that what now feels impossible will one day feel normal: "I never thought I'd be doing any of the things I'm doing right now, but here I am." (25:13)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:19 — Zach describes the ways Relationship OCD distorted his sense of self-worth
• 04:18 — How to tell the difference between OCD and “regular” relationship doubt
• 08:35 — Recovery doesn’t mean OCD disappears completely
• 09:27 — Accepting chronicity and reframing expectations in recovery
• 12:24 — Coping with realistic threats (rabies in Vietnam)—living with real-world exposure
• 16:43 — Facing and managing his three core OCD themes
• 18:50 — The value of gradual change, self-compassion, and online storytelling
• 22:49 — Advice for younger self or others in the thick of OCD

Final Thoughts & Takeaways

• Zach's journey exemplifies resilient, realistic recovery: It’s about shifting shame, making peace with uncertainty, and refusing to let compulsions or obsessions define your life.
• Destigmatization is liberating: Openly discussing your fears can be transformative—when there’s nothing left to hide, OCD loses much of its power.
• Recovery is nonlinear: Setbacks are part of the process, but continued effort and self-compassion lead to profound change.
• Living meaningfully with OCD is possible: Even with lingering symptoms, it’s possible to build relationships, pursue career goals, and live with courage and hope.

Notable Quotes Recap

• "Every single one of my relationships … were completely ruined by this feeling that I can actually love someone." (01:26, Zach)
• "Relationship OCD … is one of the hardest themes to deal with because of how close to reality it can be … It's really hard to tell." (04:24, Zach)
• "Okay, well, I guess I'll find out tomorrow if I have rabies … If tomorrow I have rabies, then I guess then I'll worry about it. But now I have no symptoms." (12:52, Zach)
• "Everything that my OCD has told me I have to be ashamed of is now on the Internet for anyone to see … I don't feel any shame." (20:13, Zach)
• "Surviving OCD is true warrior status. Doing ERP is true warrior status. … Recovery isn't linear." (23:06, Zach)

Follow Zach:
Instagram: @OCDdestigmatize

Host: Kristina Orlova
Podcast: The OCD Whisperer Podcast