Podcast Summary: The OCD Whisperer Podcast with Kristina Orlova

Episode 166: Therapist Explains: The Subtle Signs of Childhood OCD Parents Overlook
Guest: Kat Schooland, LMFT (Raising Brave Kids)
Date: January 9, 2026

Overview

This episode delves into the often-missed, subtle signs of childhood OCD, particularly those that appear in “good,” compliant, or high-functioning kids. Kat Schooland, a licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of Raising Brave Kids, shares her expertise on recognizing these less-obvious symptoms, the impact on children and families, and practical approaches for parents and clinicians. The conversation balances expert insights, relatable examples, and actionable advice in a supportive, compassionate tone.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. What Does Stealth Childhood OCD Look Like?

[02:23 - 07:29]

• Subtler Signs Often Overlooked:
  • Reassurance-seeking loops: Kids persistently ask for validation (e.g., “Am I okay?” or “Will nothing bad happen?”), and one answer never satisfies.
  • Confessing behaviors: Kids recount minor incidents (e.g., “I said this to my friend...”) seeking reassurance without directly asking.
  • Perfectionism and Redoing: Kids may be praised for meticulousness or academic diligence, masking OCD-driven compulsions to redo work until it feels “just right.”
• Why These Go Unnoticed:
  • Such children often function well outwardly, making struggles easy to mislabel as personality quirks, perfectionism, or mere sensitivity.
  • As academic and social demands increase, rituals and compulsions escalate, sometimes resulting in panic attacks, emotional freezing, or functional impairment.
• Quote:

  “With OCD particularly, it just gets stuck. And so that one-and-done... doesn’t really work. Parents can feel really frustrated because 10 seconds later that question will come back. But, like, are you really sure?”
  — Kat Schooland [03:00]

• Mental Compulsions:
  • Internal rituals (e.g., mentally repeating phrases, songs, or reviewing actions) provide short-term relief but are difficult for parents to detect.
  • Kat’s tip: Show curiosity about your child’s internal experiences and offer relatable examples.

2. Spotting Mental Rituals in Kids

[07:29 - 09:33]

• Common Mental Rituals:
  • Rumination: “Going over and over and over a problem in their head.”
  • Internal Reassurance: Repeating calming phrases or prayers a specific number of times before moving on.
  • Reviewing: Replaying social interactions for reassurance or to “prevent” future mistakes.
• How to Tune In:
  • Notice “stickiness”—if a child seems preoccupied, stuck on thoughts, or can’t move past minor issues.
  • Ask open questions: “Are you finding yourself thinking over and over about something?”
• Quote:

  “It’ll have much more of this rigidity... I have to do it a lot of times this exact way before I can move on with my day.”
  — Kat Schooland [08:36]

3. Parental Involvement: When Help Hinders

[09:54 - 14:22]

• How Loving Parents Can Get Trapped:
  • Parents unknowingly participate in reassurance rituals or avoidance cycles, becoming part of the OCD loop.
  • Instinctively, parents want to protect their child from distress, but constant accommodation worsens OCD in the long term.
• Shifting to Supportive Parenting:
  • Use the SPACE approach (Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions)—parents learn to support, not enable, their child.
  • Validate the child’s feelings first; resist jumping to cheerleading or “fixing.”
  • Take small, stepwise actions (e.g., practice “one and done” reassurance or delay compulsions).
• Quote:

  “OCD is not just bossing your kid around. It tends to boss the whole family around.”
  — Kat Schooland [10:27]

• Practical Advice:
  • Pause. “Just pause... breathe, notice your feet on the ground... Then when you get yourself grounded, can you invite your kid to pause with you?”
    — Kat Schooland [13:36]

4. The Cost of Missed Diagnosis: Long-term Patterns

[15:14 - 18:41]

• Consequences of Stealth OCD:
  • When OCD is dismissed as “sensitivity” or perfectionism, it goes untreated and may lead to entrenched habits, burnout, depression, panic, or increased functional impairment over time.
  • Adolescents and young adults who missed early intervention may struggle with greater challenges as independence increases (e.g., going off to college).
• Hope and Early Intervention:
  • Early treatment yields significantly better outcomes.
  • Even later in life, with proper support and education, patients can make effective changes.
• Quote:

  “The longer that a habit is... the more we feed OCD, the bigger it grows. And then we need to work on that. Once we kind of get it down to a more manageable size, it’s something that, like, that first hook that got in—when we pull it out, it’s not so deep...”
  — Kat Schooland [16:40]

5. Biggest Gaps in Treatment and Awareness

[19:44 - 21:57]

• Need for More Training:
  • Many providers and families are unaware of ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention), the gold-standard treatment.
  • Families may cycle through well-meaning but ineffective supports, like general CBT or occupational therapy, that aren’t targeted for OCD.
• Misconceptions about Age and Motivation:
  • Young age or resistance doesn’t preclude helpful intervention; family-based strategies can start even without child motivation.
  • Community education about what effective OCD treatment looks like remains lacking.
• Quote:

  “I wish more providers were trained... sometimes I will connect with individuals who haven’t had access to ERP... never even heard about exposure response prevention therapy...”
  — Kat Schooland [19:45]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Reassurance and Parental Dynamics:

  “When our kid is under stress, right, we’re supposed to come in and make it better. That makes sense... But with OCD... we come in to protect and we’re actually not preparing our kid and helping them find their way.”
  — Kat Schooland [11:16]

• Modeling Self-Compassion for Parents:

  “There’s holding kindness for ourselves, that that’s going to be the part that shows up... But if I continue to help my child avoid these moments of distress, we’re not going to learn how to move through them.”
  — Kat Schooland [12:31]

Important Timestamps

• 02:23 – Signs of “stealth” OCD in high-functioning kids
• 07:29 – Recognizing mental rituals and internal compulsions
• 09:54 – Parental involvement: When help becomes part of the cycle
• 13:36 – The power of pausing; practical tips for self- and co-regulation
• 15:47 – Impact of missed or misdiagnosed childhood OCD
• 19:44 – Gaps in treatment access, awareness, and provider training

Resources & Where to Find the Guest

• Raising Brave Kids (Kat Schooland):
  • Instagram: @raisingbrave.kids
  • Website: www.raisingbravekids.com

Host Tip:
If you found this episode helpful, check out Kristina Orlova’s free OCD resources and masterclasses at www.coraresults.com, and consider subscribing for future expert conversations.

This summary is intended for educational purposes and highlights the main points and actionable advice from the episode, in the accessible, empathetic style characteristic of the podcast.