Episode 168 Summary: "Why you can’t stop OCD thoughts and what actually works (Acceptance Explained)"

Podcast: The OCD Whisperer Podcast with Kristina Orlova
Host: Kristina Orlova
Guest: Dr. Sarah Brungart, owner of Calm OCD
Date: January 23, 2026
Episode Length: ~20 min

Main Theme

This episode focuses on one of the most misunderstood aspects of OCD recovery: acceptance of intrusive thoughts. Kristina Orlova and Dr. Sarah Brungart answer the five most common questions about why you can’t simply “stop” OCD thoughts and what actually helps, breaking down the mechanics, practical steps, and mindset shifts needed for genuine progress.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. What Does It Mean to "Accept" OCD Thoughts?

• [02:59] Dr. Sarah Brungart: Explains that the core goal of OCD therapy isn't to erase thoughts and feelings—but to change one’s relationship to them.
  • “The goal is actually to normalize that experience of the thoughts popping up. It's not that necessarily anything is wrong.”
• Attempting to eliminate thoughts leads to constant frustration because intrusive thoughts are a natural function of the brain, especially the OCD brain.
• Acceptance means recognizing these thoughts as normal brain activity—not a threat to be urgently solved.

2. How Do You Not Engage With the Thoughts or the 'Horrible Feeling'?

• [04:23] Kristina Orlova: Acknowledges the counterintuitive nature of simply allowing distress.
• [04:39] Dr. Sarah Brungart: Urges shifting away from the idea of "horrible feelings" and instead encourages welcoming the full range of human emotions:
  • “We need to have this relationship with our thoughts where we welcome all uncomfortable emotions… we have to get better at feeling a wide range of emotions.”
• Practice: Give yourself explicit permission to feel discomfort without engaging in compulsive responses.

3. What If It Feels Impossible to Let the Thoughts Be?

• [07:16] Dr. Sarah Brungart: Validates how challenging acceptance feels:
  • “Every hour of our day, people are like, how is that possibly going to work?”
  • The first act of acceptance is itself an exposure, a victory in not obeying OCD's urgency.
  • Normal to feel “impossible”—consistency is key.

4. The Layering Effect and Emotional Reasoning

• [08:43] Dr. Sarah Brungart:
  • Points out the cognitive distortion of emotional reasoning—conflating feelings with reality.
  • Paying attention to every emotion or discomfort drives compulsive behaviors; not every feeling requires action.
  • Acceptance creates space for life outside OCD, promoting a “nonchalant relationship” with intrusive thoughts:
    • “Let’s remind your brain, like, thanks so much for the message. I’m going to move about my day anyway.”
  • Self-compassion is essential: appreciate the brain’s attempt to protect, but don't obey its false alarms.

5. Building the Acceptance Muscle: How Long Does It Take?

• [11:40] Dr. Sarah Brungart:
  • "If you give yourself a week where you are truly embracing and changing that relationship with your brain... you're actually going to start feeling that, oh my gosh, I am learning."
  • Meaningful results are possible quickly if practice is consistent—especially in a structured clinical setting. However, accepting continued discomfort is part of early progress.

6. From Negative to Positive or Neutral Emotions

• [13:48] Dr. Sarah Brungart:
  • Don't aim for constant positive emotions; aim to expand tolerance for all feelings.
  • Improved mood comes after acceptance because you reclaim agency from OCD:
    • "They're going to feel more positive emotions because they're no longer feeling like a victim of their OCD."

7. How Do You Not Try to Figure Out or Analyze the Thoughts?

• [15:33] Dr. Sarah Brungart:
  • Acceptance shouldn’t be used as a compulsion itself (e.g., to instantly get rid of thoughts).
  • Introduces the “layering effect”—accepting one thought prompts OCD to offer more, often more intense, intrusive thoughts.
  • Critical to accept every layer as it comes, recognizing the content of obsessions is less important than the overall process.
  • “The goal isn’t to figure out these different obsessions. The goal is to lean into them and accept them at all levels.”

8. Common Barriers: ‘If I Accept, What Does This Mean?’

• [18:48] Dr. Sarah Brungart:
  • OCD often creates new worries around the act of acceptance (“If I accept, does that mean I agree with my thoughts?”).
  • Unpack these as new obsessions, requiring the same acceptance approach.
  • Sometimes it helps to break acceptance into smaller steps; analyze the core fear behind resistance to accepting.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dr. Sarah Brungart:

  • “The goal is actually to normalize that experience of the thoughts popping up.” ([02:59])
  • “We have to get better at feeling a wide range of emotions. And with OCD, you're going to feel a wide range of emotions for sure.” ([04:39])
  • “Practice acceptance and start facing that fear; that is the first win... I 100% validate that the acceptance piece is going to give them their life back.” ([07:16])
  • “Let's remind your brain, thanks so much for the message. I'm going to move about my day anyway.” ([08:43])
  • “If you give yourself a week... you're actually going to start feeling that, oh my gosh, I am learning.” ([11:40])
  • “They're going to feel more positive emotions because they're no longer feeling like a victim of their OCD.” ([14:43])
  • “Any sort of obsession, you accept it, your brain is going to give you 10 more... this is the layering effect.” ([15:33])
  • “The goal isn’t to figure out these…obsessions. The goal is to lean into them and accept them at all levels.” ([16:50])
  • “If I accept my thoughts, what does that mean? …One of the first things we tackle is just, what is the barrier if we're struggling to move toward acceptance?” ([18:48])

• Kristina Orlova:

  • “It's not like, because I did this, you know, a couple of times in the beginning, poof, I immediately feel better. It's more that I continue to do it like any kind of muscle and skill building and then I get better with it over time.” ([10:46])
  • “When we're fighting this stuff, constantly arguing with it…that's so much judgment and evaluation that it just keeps you so hyper focused on the very thing you don't want.” ([18:05])

Practical Takeaways

• Acceptance is not resignation: It's an active process of allowing distress to exist without compulsions.
• Emotional tolerance is a learnable skill: Just like exposure therapy, practice changes your response over time.
• Consistency matters more than perfection: Benefits arise from ongoing, imperfect practice.
• Compulsively trying to accept for anxiety relief is still a compulsion: True acceptance is open to discomfort, not a trick to end it.
• Mental compulsions and rumination matter: Acceptance must apply as much to your thinking patterns as to your behaviors.

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [02:59] — The purpose of acceptance
• [04:39] — Changing your relationship to discomfort
• [07:16] — The first exposure: validating the difficulty
• [08:43] — Emotional reasoning and self-compassion
• [11:40] — How long until you see results?
• [13:48] — Seeking positive emotions vs. broadening emotional range
• [15:33] — Avoiding "figuring out" or analyzing thoughts
• [18:48] — Acceptance as a new obsession and addressing barriers

Resources & Where to Find the Guest

• Dr. Sarah Brungart: calmocd.com and Instagram (@calmocd) ([20:22])

Tone:
Warm, validating, and practical—encouraging listeners to embrace the counterintuitive process of acceptance with patience, self-compassion, and consistency. Both host and guest mix lived/clinical experience with clear-eyed advice and empathy.

For listeners struggling with OCD: You are not alone—the path to recovery is possible by shifting your goals, practicing acceptance, and receiving support as needed.