The One You Feed Podcast: “Why You Need to Connect with Your Future Self”

Guest: Dr. Benjamin Hardy
Host: Eric Zimmer
Date: December 16, 2022

Episode Overview

This episode explores the transformative power of connecting with your future self, a central theme in Dr. Benjamin Hardy’s book, Be Your Future Self Now: The Science of Intentional Transformation. Hardy, an organizational psychologist, discusses how our perceptions of time, past, and future shape our identity, behaviors, and potential for growth. Through a blend of personal narrative, psychological research, and practical guidance, the conversation offers strategies to overcome self-limiting patterns and cultivate a hopeful, intentional approach to personal development.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Parable of the Two Wolves and the Power of Attention

• The episode opens with the classic “good wolf/bad wolf” parable, focusing on the idea that whatever we give our attention to grows stronger.
• Hardy reframes it through systems and chaos theory, suggesting even subtle focus can compound and eventually define character.

“Essentially, you become whatever you pay attention to. Even subtle things that you pay attention to over time can have a compounding effect…”
— Dr. Benjamin Hardy [02:42]

2. Personal Narratives on Addiction, Trauma, and Transformation

• Hardy shares his experience growing up with an addicted father, the destabilizing effect of divorce, and how these challenges impacted his development and family dynamic.
• He describes healing through service, education, and reframing his personal narrative—as well as new challenges in parenting, especially having adopted three foster children.
• The cyclical nature of healing is highlighted, underscoring the need for continuous reframing as we confront new roles and relationships.

“I’m always learning better models of reframing my past, present, and future. And I think it’s a continuous cycle.”
— Dr. Benjamin Hardy [07:32]

3. How Much Can We Really Change? (Personality and Identity)

• Hardy challenges traditional psychological notions that personality is fixed, citing research showing people can transform at every age—sometimes dramatically and unexpectedly.
• He distinguishes between personality (external expressions) and identity (internal sense of self), and explains change is holistic, often non-linear, and closely tied to context and intention.
• Host and guest agree that, regardless of the limits, it’s practical and empowering to focus on what’s within our ability to change.

“I’m a big believer that I can change... I can change who I am in the present. And even I can change my past.”
— Dr. Benjamin Hardy [18:05]

4. The Psychological Concept of Time & Reframing the Past

• Hardy explains that the past is constantly reshaped by the present. Our “story” about what happened is often more important than the actual events—a fundamental insight for healing trauma and fostering growth.
• Quoting Brent Slife:

“It’s more accurate to say that the present causes the meaning of the past than it is to say that the past causes the meaning of the present.”
— Benjamin Hardy, paraphrasing Brent Slife [25:14]

• Reframing (rather than avoiding) painful experiences is necessary for a proactive, approach-oriented future.

5. Connecting with the Future Self: Viktor Frankl and Intentionality

• Viktor Frankl’s wisdom is invoked multiple times, notably:

  “Live as if you were living already for the second time and as if you had acted the first time as wrongly as you are about to act now.”
  [31:30]

• This is a call to act in the present as though given a second chance, taking your future self’s perspective to make wiser choices.

6. Why It’s So Hard to Imagine the Future Self

• Psychological studies show people radically underestimate how much they’ll change in 5-10 years.
• The act of “imagining” the future is a muscle often neglected in adulthood but crucial for growth.

“The more connected you are to your longer term future self, the better and more thoughtful and more proactive decisions you’ll make in the present.”
— Dr. Benjamin Hardy [39:31 & 41:38]

7. Avoiding the 'Deferred Life Plan' and Living as Your Future Self Now

• It’s possible to over-focus on future rewards (neglecting present well-being). Hardy argues for integrating future self-identity into present actions.
• Referencing Neville Goddard:

  “Assume the feeling of your wish fulfilled and assume the consciousness of being the one you want to be and then you’ll be saved from your present state...”

— Dr. Benjamin Hardy [43:20]

• Practical take: Don’t separate “becoming” from “being”—start embodying your desired future now.

8. Micro and Macro Future Selves: Actionable Tactics

• Harness the motivation of short-term future selves (“how will I feel in an hour if I do this?”) as well as big long-term visions.
• Host references night-and-morning “selves” (à la Jerry Seinfeld) as examples of daily micro-futures.
• Establish routines (e.g., eight hours of sleep, productive mornings) that favor the future you want, even on a small scale.

9. The Power of Hope and Social Influence

• Hope is a psychological oxygen: “Without hope, the psychology suffocates and dies, which leads to the death of the body.” [56:44]
• Surrounding yourself with people who embody your aspirational future self can help anchor your intentions and create real behavioral change.

10. Practical Steps to Cultivate Your Future Self

• Focus on no more than three priorities—identify where you want the most transformation.
• Use “systems thinking”: Automatic savings, consistent routines, and regular reflection.
• Regularly distinguish between “clear paths to lesser goals” (distractions) vs. striving through obstacles toward core goals.

“We’re kept from our goal not by obstacles, but by a clear path to a lesser goal.”
— Robert Brault (quoted at [66:26])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “If you have a reactive narrative about your past... you're going to spend most of your time tiptoeing and avoiding around things rather than going through them..."
  — Dr. Benjamin Hardy [21:26]
• “The obstacle is what transforms you. Going through the obstacle is what takes you from who you are now to becoming a future self that’s radically wiser, more capable, just better.”
  — Dr. Benjamin Hardy [68:16]
• “Hope is to the psyche what oxygen is to the body... Without hope, the psychology suffocates and dies.”
  — Dr. Benjamin Hardy [56:44]
• “Morning Guy always screws Night Guy, because he stays up late, and then Morning Guy’s got to wake up with four hours of sleep and go to work. Right?”
  — Citing Jerry Seinfeld [47:07]

Important Timestamps

• 02:42 — The parable of the wolves and the primacy of attention
• 04:11 – 08:18 — Hardy’s personal story: trauma, addiction, and transformation
• 10:51 – 18:05 — The myth of personality permanence, personal change and growth
• 21:26 – 25:14 — The psychological concept of time and the importance of reframing the past
• 31:30 – 34:08 — Viktor Frankl quotes and the power of acting from the future self’s perspective
• 39:31 – 43:04 — Why future self connection impacts present choices; the dangers of the deferred life plan
• 47:07 – 51:23 — Micro future selves (daily routines), Seinfeld’s Night Guy vs. Morning Guy, and behavioral choices
• 56:44 – 58:38 — The role of hope and being pulled by purpose/vision
• 60:53 – 66:21 — Hardy’s practical methods: Three-year focus, top priorities, and the 'lesser goals' insight
• 66:26 — "We're kept from our goal not by obstacles, but by a clear path to a lesser goal."

Summary of Practical Guidance

1. Imagine and Write Out Your Future Self: Regularly journal or visualize who you want to be in 3 years; clarify context, values, and goals.
2. Limit Priorities to Three: Focus your time and energy on three major life areas for deep transformation.
3. Establish Systems: Automate good behaviors (e.g., savings, morning routines) to reinforce your commitment to your future self.
4. Use Micro-Future Motivation: Leverage near-future consequences (“how will I feel in an hour if I do this/that?”) to guide daily action.
5. Reframe Past Narratives: Treat the meaning of your past as flexible and subject to positive reinterpretation by your current and future self.
6. Surround Yourself with Positive Examples: Be with people who push you closer to your future-oriented aspirations.
7. Invest in Hope: Keep a vivid, specific, and exciting vision for your own growth; let it pull you forward.
8. Watch for ‘Clear Paths to Lesser Goals’: Recognize distractions and comfort-seeking for what they are, and redirect energy to meaningful obstacles.

Closing Thought

“When your life is built around lesser goals... you’re setting your future self up for disaster... Only by going through the obstacle toward your goal do you become a future self that’s radically wiser, more capable, just better.”
— Dr. Benjamin Hardy [67:28]

For more:

• Dr. Benjamin Hardy, “Be Your Future Self Now”
• oneyoufeed.net

This episode is a roadmap for anyone wanting to break out of old cycles and begin charting a more intentional, hope-filled path forward—one grounded not just in dreaming but in becoming, day by day, the person your future self will thank you for choosing to be.