The Most Important Lesson in Sex Ed Isn’t Actually Sex

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Opinions – "The Most Important Lesson in Sex Ed Isn’t Actually Sex"

Podcast Information:

• Title: The Opinions
• Host/Author: The New York Times Opinion
• Description: You've heard the news, here's what to make of it.
• Episode: The Most Important Lesson in Sex Ed Isn’t Actually Sex
• Release Date: February 27, 2025

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I. Introduction

In the February 27, 2025 episode of The Opinions, hosted by The New York Times Opinion, Hilary Frank delves into a critical examination of contemporary sex education. The episode, titled "The Most Important Lesson in Sex Ed Isn’t Actually Sex," explores the deficiencies in current sex education curricula, particularly focusing on the crucial but often overlooked topic of consent.

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II. Hilary Frank's Personal Experience

Hilary Frank begins by sharing a personal anecdote that underscores the episode's central theme. She recounts taking her daughter to watch the movie adaptation of Judy Blume's classic novel, Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret.

Hilary Frank [00:44]: "Almost two years ago, when my daughter was in the seventh grade, I took her to see the movie adaptation of Judy Blume's classic novel."

During the film, a scene depicts a sex education lesson from the 1970s, which Frank initially perceives as a humorous relic of the past. However, her daughter's reaction reveals a disconnect between past and present sex education.

Hilary Frank [02:10]: "Instead, she leaned over and she whispered, 'To me, this is so much more than we've gotten.'"

This moment prompts Frank to investigate the current state of sex education in her daughter's school, leading to surprising findings.

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III. The State of Sex Education Today

Frank discovers that her daughter has received virtually no sex education, a stark contrast to the comprehensive education the fictional Margaret received in the 1970s and even less than the education Frank herself received in Connecticut during her youth.

Hilary Frank [02:10]: "It turned out she hadn't just gotten less sex ed in 2023 than the fictional Margaret had in 1970; my daughter had actually gotten zero sex ed."

Upon approaching the vice principal, Frank learns that the lack of sex education stems from untrained health teachers, many of whom are gym instructors uncomfortable with the subject matter.

Hilary Frank [02:21]: "Most of them are gym teachers. And they said, 'Hey, we want to do this, but we don't have the proper training to do this, and we're not comfortable teaching it without that training.'"

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IV. Importance of Consent Education

Frank emphasizes the significance of consent education, highlighting its inclusion in New Jersey's mandated sex education curriculum alongside topics like abstinence, sexual orientation, and gender identity.

Hilary Frank [03:07]: "Sex ed is mandated by law to be taught in the state of New Jersey. And on the list of what is required is that they have to stress abstinence, they have to include instruction on sexual orientation and gender identity, and they have to include instruction on consent."

She reflects on her own understanding of consent, which was limited during her upbringing, recognizing the broader and more nuanced interpretations that have emerged, especially in the wake of the MeToo movement.

Hilary Frank [03:13]: "I was actually in my 40s before I fully grasped the concept of consent. I grew up in Connecticut, and the sex ed I got there was, in retrospect, pretty comprehensive. But when we talked about consent, there was only one word I remember hearing, and that is rape."

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V. Reflections on the MeToo Movement

The MeToo movement significantly reshaped Frank's perception of consent and her past experiences. She realizes that better consent education might have empowered her to recognize and address unhealthy and abusive relationships earlier.

Hilary Frank [04:07]: "I started to rethink some of the experiences from my youth. I realized that our relationship that started when I was a teenager was not just messy, but in fact, emotionally abusive."

Frank contemplates whether improved consent education could have altered her past relationships and the behavior of those who wronged her.

Hilary Frank [04:19]: "And sometimes I also wonder if the guys who had harmed me might have behaved differently if they had gotten better consent education."

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VI. Current Sex Education in Schools

Despite the mandated requirements, Frank's daughter only received minimal sex education, consisting of basic reproductive information from the health teacher and a brief presentation on consent from a guidance counselor.

Hilary Frank [06:05]: "And she eventually did get a little bit of sex ed in 8th grade."

While these efforts are better than none, Frank argues that they are insufficient for fostering a comprehensive understanding of consent and healthy relationships.

Hilary Frank [06:25]: "And all of this is better than nothing, but it also feels inadequate. Consent education is essential, and it cannot just come from teachers who are squeamish about teaching it."

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VII. Innovative Approaches and Advocacy

Frank introduces the SafeBAE program, an innovative approach to consent education that leverages peer influence and integrates consent lessons across various subjects beyond health class, such as literature and history.

Hilary Frank [06:46]: "There's actually a program happening right now in middle schools and high schools around the country. It's through an organization called SafeBAE."

According to SafeBAE's research, teenagers are more receptive to consent messages delivered by their peers rather than adults.

Hilary Frank [06:46]: "SafeBAE encourages schools to do something pretty innovative, to not just silo sex ed to health class, but to incorporate it into all kinds of other classes like literature and history."

Frank calls on parents to take an active role in advocating for enhanced sex education in their communities. She suggests practical steps such as engaging with school boards, contacting organizations like SafeBAE, and fostering open conversations with their children.

Hilary Frank [06:46]: "I'm just a parent. I don't have any experience in advocacy. So this is something that really anybody can do in their community. Find out, like, what are your kids learning? What do you want them to be learning? What does your state say they must learn? And is the school complying with that?"

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VIII. Conclusion

Hilary Frank concludes by reiterating the necessity of comprehensive consent education as a foundational element of sex education. She urges parents and community members to engage in dialogues and advocate for curricula that properly address consent and foster healthy relationships among students.

Hilary Frank [08:42]: "And so I hope what people take from this story is the idea that we need to have these conversations with our kids and if they're not happening in your school, advocating for that."

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Hilary Frank [00:44]: "Almost two years ago, when my daughter was in the seventh grade, I took her to see the movie adaptation of Judy Blume's classic novel."

• Hilary Frank [02:10]: "Instead, she leaned over and she whispered, 'To me, this is so much more than we've gotten.'"

• Hilary Frank [03:07]: "Sex ed is mandated by law to be taught in the state of New Jersey. And on the list of what is required is that they have to stress abstinence, they have to include instruction on sexual orientation and gender identity, and they have to include instruction on consent."

• Hilary Frank [04:07]: "I started to rethink some of the experiences from my youth. I realized that our relationship that started when I was a teenager was not just messy, but in fact, emotionally abusive."

• Hilary Frank [06:46]: "There's actually a program happening right now in middle schools and high schools around the country. It's through an organization called SafeBAE."

• Hilary Frank [08:42]: "And so I hope what people take from this story is the idea that we need to have these conversations with our kids and if they're not happening in your school, advocating for that."

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Conclusion

This episode of The Opinions powerfully highlights the critical gaps in current sex education, particularly regarding consent. Through personal narrative and insightful discussion, Hilary Frank underscores the urgent need for comprehensive consent education and calls on parents and communities to advocate for meaningful change in school curricula.

Transcript

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[New York Times Opinion Host]

This is the Opinions, a show that brings you a mix of voices from New York Times opinion. You've heard the news. Here's what to make of it.

[Hilary Frank]

My name is Hilary Frank.

[Podcast Co-Host]

I'm the host of the podcast the.

[Hilary Frank]

Longest, Shortest Time, which is a podcast about parenthood and reproductive health. Almost two years ago, when my daughter was in the seventh grade, I took her to see the movie adaptation of.

[Podcast Co-Host]

Judy Blume's classic novel.

[Hilary Frank]

Are you there, God? It's me, Margaret.

[Mrs. Webster]

Hello girls. I'm Mrs. Webster and I am here to speak to you today about your changing bodies.

[Hilary Frank]

So in one scene, Margaret is sitting in the auditorium of her New Jersey school and all the girls in her class are watching a film strip. There's this warbly guitar track, and then you hear this woman's voice.

[Sex Ed Voice]

All girls are unique, but sometime between the ages of 9 and 16, one very special thing happens to every girl. Menstruation.

[Hilary Frank]

So when I was watching that scene, I thought it was funny and I thought, like, how far we've come since the 70s? But my daughter didn't think it was funny.

[Podcast Co-Host]

Instead, she leaned over and she whispered.

[Hilary Frank]

To me, this is so much more than we've gotten. And I looked into how much she had gotten, and it turned out she hadn't just gotten less sex ed in 2023, the fictional Margaret had in 1970, my daughter had actually gotten zero sex ed. And so because of that, at the.

[Podcast Co-Host]

Beginning of my daughter's eighth grade year.

[Hilary Frank]

I went to the vice principal to.

[Podcast Co-Host]

Ask why they hadn't been teaching sex ed.

[Hilary Frank]

And he was actually a lot more receptive than I expected.

[Podcast Co-Host]

He looked into why the health teachers weren't teaching sex ed.

[Hilary Frank]

And it turned out that, you know.

[Podcast Co-Host]

Most of them are gym teachers.

[Hilary Frank]

And they said, hey, we want to do this, but we don't have the proper training to do this, and we're not comfortable teaching it without that training. Of course, I had already had conversations with my daughter about puberty and the Physical aspects of what is normally taught in sex ed. But the thing that I really was hoping that she and her classmates would get in school was education around consent. Because I think it's important within a community that everybody has the same kind of understanding of what the norms are.

[Podcast Co-Host]

Around consent, how to have healthy relationships.

[Hilary Frank]

Sex ed is mandated by law to be taught in the state of New Jersey. And on the list of what is required is that they have to stress abstinence, they have to include instruction on sexual orientation and gender identity, and they have to include instruction on consent. I was actually in my 40s before I fully grasped the concept of consent. I grew up in Connecticut, and the sex ed I got there was, in retrospect, pretty comprehensive. But when we talked about consent, there was only one word I remember hearing, and that is rape. And I was imagining something visibly violent, you know, a struggle with a victim audibly saying no. The MeToo movement was eye opening for me.

[Podcast Co-Host]

It completely changed the way I thought about consent.

[Empowerment Voice]

Rise up. For the women of the world. For the women of the world. Rise up.

[Hilary Frank]

I started to rethink some of the.

[Podcast Co-Host]

Experiences from my youth.

[Hilary Frank]

I realized that our relationship that started when I was a teenager was not just messy, but in fact, emotionally abusive. And then I realized that an encounter that happened shortly after I graduated from college. College wasn't a mistake, which is what I had been calling it, but in fact, sexual assault. So after the MeToo movement really broke, I started to wonder if I had gotten better consent education when I was a kid, would I have been able to spot the red flags earlier? Like, would I maybe have broken up with my boyfriend on one of our first dates when he threw dog poop at me and said it was a joke? Would I have recognized that that was emotional abuse? Would I have understood that when he got aggressively jealous of other guys that he was being controlling, not romantic? And then on top of that, I sometimes also wonder if the guys who had harmed me might have behaved differently if they had gotten better consent education. My daughter's generation has come of age after me too. So they're familiar with terms like sexual harassment and sexual assaul and emotional abuse. And they've watched predators face consequences for their actions.

[News Voice]

Less than 24 hours after a Washington Post article alleged Charlie Rose sexually harassed female employees for years, a 75 year old is out of a job.

[Hilary Frank]

But her generation, Gen Z, has also watched some perpetrators of sexual violence rise to power. And some of them hold the most influential jobs in the world.

[News Voice]

It couldn't have happened it didn't happen, and she would not have been the chosen one.

[Hilary Frank]

My daughter's 15 now. She's a freshman in high school. And she eventually did get a little bit of sex ed in 8th grade.

[Podcast Co-Host]

After I spoke to the vice principal, the health teacher did talk to the class about basic reproductive systems.

[Hilary Frank]

And then a guidance counselor came and.

[Podcast Co-Host]

Gave a presentation on consent.

[Hilary Frank]

And all of this is better than nothing, but it also feels inadequate. Consent education is essential, and it cannot just come from teachers who are squeamish about teaching it. One idea would be to put more.

[Podcast Co-Host]

Of this work into the hands of the teenagers themselves.

[Hilary Frank]

There's actually a program happening right now in middle schools and high schools around the country. It's through an organization called SafeBAE. That's safe B A E, which stands for safe before anyone else. And according to SafeBAY's research, teenagers are far more receptive to consent messaging that comes from other teenagers than from adults. And SafeBay encourages schools to do something pretty innovative, to not just silo sex ed to health class, but to incorporate it into all kinds of other classes like literature and history. I'm just a parent. I don't have any experience in advocacy. So this is something that really anybody can do in their community. Find out, like, what are your kids learning? What do you want them to be learning? What does your state say they must learn? And is the school complying with that? And I encourage people to not only ask those questions, but to try to get something changed, maybe through the board of Ed, maybe by contacting an organization like SafeBay that can help install a club at your kids school. And so I hope what people take from this story is the idea that we need to have these conversations with our kids and if they're not happening in your school, advocating for that.

[New York Times Opinion Host]

If you like this show, follow it on Spotify, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts. This show is produced by Derek Arthur, Sofia Alvarez, Boyd, Vishaka Durba, Phoebe Lett, Christina Samulewski and Gillian Weinberger. It's edited by Kari Pitkin, Allison Bruzek and Annie Rose Strasser. Engineering, mixing and original music by Isaac Jones, sonia Herrero, Pat McCusker, Carol Saburo and Afim Shapiro. Additional music by Amin Sahota. The fact check team is Kate Sinclair, Mary Marge Locker and Michelle Harris. Audience strategy by Shannon Busta, Christina Samulewski and Adrian Rivera. The executive producer of Times Opinion Audio is Annie Rose Dresser.