The Oprah Podcast: Gray Divorce (after 50) & Adult Children—The Fallout for the Family

Host: Oprah Winfrey
Guests: Dr. Susan Brown (Sociologist), Susan Guthrie (Family Law Attorney), Lori Gottlieb (Psychotherapist/Author), audience members
Date: October 28, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode of The Oprah Podcast explores the growing phenomenon of "gray divorce"—divorce after the age of 50—and the resulting ripple effects on families, particularly adult children. Oprah brings together expert guests Dr. Susan Brown, Susan Guthrie, and Lori Gottlieb, as well as audience participants with lived experience, to discuss the causes behind the surge in later-life divorce, its emotional and financial impact, and the unique challenges faced by adult children when their parents separate.

Key Discussion Points

1. The Rise in Gray Divorce

[00:37–03:11]

• Statistical Trends: Divorce rates in the U.S. are at a 50-year low overall, but the rate for couples aged 50+ has doubled since 1990, and tripled for those 65+.
• Why It’s Happening:
  • The traditional view of marriage as a lifetime institution is eroding; now, marriage is more about self-fulfillment.
  • Increased financial independence for women makes divorce a more viable option.
  • Longer life expectancies mean more people are unwilling to settle for unsatisfying relationships into their later years.
• Dr. Susan Brown (02:20): “Back in 1990, only 8% of people divorcing were over the age of 50. Today, 40%... It floored us.”

2. Women's Changing Roles and Financial Impact

[03:14–08:46]

• Women Now Driving Divorce: Most gray divorces are initiated by women who want more from their remaining years.
• Financial Consequences: Divorce divides retirement savings and assets, significantly impacting the financial stability of both partners, but especially women.
• Susan Guthrie (08:08): “For someone divorcing at 65, their runway to recoup is almost gone.”

3. Emotional Fallout: Grief, Shame, and Redefining Identity

[10:03–19:33]

• Shock and Grief: Even in long marriages, one partner’s desire for divorce can be profoundly shocking and destabilizing to the other.
• Social Perception & Shame: Many, especially women, feel embarrassment or shame about divorce after 50.
• Lori Gottlieb (12:09): “You told the story of strength… but when people ask you about it, you feel like they’re saying something was wrong with you. But nobody’s saying that.”
• Navigating Others’ Projections:
  • Oprah (12:48): “You can feel the judgment, Lori. You can feel it when it’s there.”
• Reconstructing Life: Divorce later in life feels like a “deconstruction,” but it’s actually a chance for “reconstruction” and new beginnings.

4. Unique Issues for Adult Children

[22:05–39:36]

• Adjustment for Grown Kids: Adult children often experience confusion, identity shifts, and even grief, despite assumptions they should be less affected.
• Kayla (Mary Jane’s daughter) (26:01): “We are closer than we’ve ever been. There’s just so much grace…”
• Addison (32:42): Reflects on feeling disoriented and grappling with her parents’ new partners and the shifting definition of family.
• Dr. Brown (35:41):
  • “It’s called Family Boundary Ambiguity… Divorce is disruptive to the family system.”
  • Adult kids often help parents with online dating—a reversal of typical family roles.

5. The Grieving and Healing Process

[19:33–25:23; 39:49–52:33]

• Divorce is Like a Death: There’s a “mourning” of lost futures, traditions, and identities.
• Longer Recovery for Older Adults: It can take four to five years for older adults to recover from divorce due to deeply entangled lives.
• Coping Mechanisms:
  • Mary Jane shared her practice of writing 100 gratitudes each morning to cultivate positivity.
  • Community and honest conversations are key.
• Lori Gottlieb (49:43): “Action begets action… Every small little step. What can you do today, something small that might bring you joy?”

6. Restructuring Family: Adult Children as Caregivers

[41:56–48:17]

• Role Reversal: Stories like Tremaine’s illustrate adult children stepping in as caregivers for newly single parents, which requires conscious boundary setting.
• Lori Gottlieb (45:08): “Your roles are reversed… But she’s still your mom and you’re still her son and that hierarchy still exists and you don’t want to dissolve that completely.”

7. Expert Strategies for Navigating Gray Divorce

[46:41–52:20]

• Susan Guthrie: Develop a clear strategy and vision for your “beyond”—what you want your next chapter to look like. Make divorce settlements with those goals in mind.
• Dr. Brown: Adjusting to divorce takes time, but letting go can ultimately be freeing.
• Lori Gottlieb: Don’t go it alone; talk to someone. Combine recognizing grief with small, forward-moving actions.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Oprah (01:47): “I thought that would shock you. Isn’t that crazy? That never, never used to happen.”
• Dr. Susan Brown (03:14): “Now what we’re doing is turning to our marriages for self-fulfillment.”
• Lori Gottlieb (18:51): “When we’re going through it... it feels like a deconstruction, but it’s actually a reconstruction. You’re not starting from zero—you’re starting from experience.”
• Mary Jane (23:10): “The first thing that I did… was to just set the intention. I did have power over the intention through which I was going to get divorced.”
• Addison (35:11): “I felt like Sandra Bullock from Gravity... I would just like floating out there.”
• Dr. Brown (35:49): “Divorce causes us to question who’s in and who’s out of the family. Now those boundaries become a little bit fuzzy.”
• Lori Gottlieb (51:03): “Grief feels like a death, but the difference is that the person is still around… It’s like being haunted by a ghost.”
• Mary Jane (39:53): “I cried for a year… I literally woke up every morning for the first three months and wrote 100 gratitudes every morning.”

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:37–02:20: Introduction & startling stats on gray divorce
• 03:14–04:34: The “why” behind gray divorce—self-fulfillment, longevity, women’s independence
• 06:41–08:46: Financial impact for women and men
• 10:30–12:09: Audience member shares feelings of shame after gray divorce
• 16:00–19:33: Children restructuring family post-divorce
• 22:05–27:19: Mary Jane & her daughter describe the family’s journey through divorce
• 32:42–37:49: Addison and Kayla discuss being adult children of divorcing parents
• 39:53–40:34: Healing practices and the slow road to joy
• 41:56–47:19: Tremaine supports his mother after her divorce—role reversals
• 46:41–52:20: Experts’ final advice and audience Q&A
• 51:03–52:05: Grief after divorce—the difference from a death

Tone & Language

The episode is compassionate, candid, and empowering—Oprah and guests foster a safe, supportive environment for honest conversation, practical guidance, and mutual encouragement. The tone balances empathy with realism, emphasizing both the hardship and the hope inherent in gray divorce and its repercussions for families.

Summary Takeaways

• Gray divorce is increasingly common, affecting nearly half of all divorcing Americans over 50.
• It brings significant emotional, financial, and familial challenges—especially when adult children are involved.
• Recovery takes time, but with intention, support, and courage, a fulfilling new chapter is possible for all involved.
• Expert guidance: Make a proactive plan for your “beyond”; seek support; honor grieving, but stay open to new beginnings.

Recommended Resources:

• Dr. Brown’s research: bgsu.edu
• Susan Guthrie’s podcast: Divorce and Beyond
• Lori Gottlieb’s book: Maybe You Should Talk To Someone