Oprah Picks Your Next Cozy Read | The Oprah Podcast

Summary

The Oprah Podcast: Episode Summary — "Oprah Picks Your Next Cozy Read"

Podcast Information:

• Title: The Oprah Podcast
• Host/Author: Harpo (Oprah Winfrey)
• Episode: Oprah Picks Your Next Cozy Read | The Oprah Podcast
• Release Date: February 18, 2025

Overview: In the February 18, 2025 episode of The Oprah Podcast, Oprah Winfrey welcomes acclaimed author Eric Buechner to discuss his latest novel, "Dream State", selected as the 111th pick for Oprah's Book Club, presented by Starbucks. Filmed live at a bustling Starbucks in New York City, the episode features intimate conversations about the novel's themes, Buechner's inspirations, and his writing process, interspersed with heartfelt audience interactions.

Meeting Eric Buechner: The episode kicks off with Oprah extending a warm welcome to Eric Buechner, who shares his surprise and excitement about being invited by Oprah. [00:05] Oprah opens with a personal anecdote about Eric's initial phone call, highlighting the genuine connection between host and guest.

Exploring "Dream State": Oprah introduces Dream State as a gripping novel set against Montana's serene landscapes, delving into themes of love, commitment, and personal struggle.

• Synopsis of "Dream State":
  • The story centers on Cece, who arrives a month early in the fictional town of Salish, Montana, to plan her wedding. Her fiancé, Charlie, a doctor from Los Angeles, and his best friend, Garrett, who officiates the wedding, become entangled in a tumultuous series of events that challenge their relationships and personal lives. The narrative spans fifty years, exploring complex themes such as opportunity, grief, family, and human connection.

Inspiration and Setting: Eric shares the deeply personal inspirations behind his novel, drawing from his family's history and experiences in Montana. [03:52]

• Flathead Lake and Family Legacy:
  • Buechner reveals that the lake house in Dream State is inspired by his family's home at Flathead Lake, built by his wife's great-grandfather, a Lithuanian Jewish immigrant. The imperfect angles of the house symbolize resilience and the imperfect journeys of the characters.

Themes and Motivations: The conversation delves into the novel’s exploration of marriage and personal identity.

• Marriage and Commitment:

  • Eric discusses his fascination with traditional marriage narratives and how he sought to subvert them by presenting a "wrong marriage" that never gets legally certified. [08:30] This unconventional approach allows him to explore the intricacies of human relationships and the long-term effects of personal choices.

• Grief and Loss:

  • Drawing from his personal experiences, including his mother's battle with Alzheimer's, Buechner incorporates authentic portrayals of grief and loss into his characters' lives. [20:24]

• Climate Change and Environmental Change:

  • The dramatic changes in Montana’s landscape due to climate change serve as a backdrop, reflecting broader societal and environmental concerns. [12:55]

Writing Process: Eric provides insights into his meticulous writing process, emphasizing his preference for exploratory drafting over rigid outlines. [27:30]

• Drafting and Inspiration:

  • Buechner likens novel writing to "driving at night in the fog," highlighting his reliance on spontaneity and character-driven developments rather than pre-planned plots. [28:21]

• Sentence Crafting:

  • His dedication to perfecting sentences is evident as he discusses his love for language and his continuous rewriting to achieve the desired impact. [17:03]

Audience Interaction: The live audience engages with Eric through heartfelt questions and testimonials, showcasing the novel's profound impact.

• Emotional Resonance:

  • Several audience members share how Dream State mirrored their personal experiences, particularly in marriage and grief. For instance, at [07:21], an audience member reflects on how the book influenced their perception of their own marriage.

• Character Connections:

  • The depth of Buechner’s characters prompts audience members to discuss their favorite characters and pivotal moments in the book, enhancing the communal reading experience.

Notable Quotes and Discussions: Throughout the episode, significant quotes from Dream State are highlighted and analyzed, providing deeper understanding.

• "Life was a long, incompetent search to get back to a feeling you had when you were six." [30:13]

  • Oprah praises this line for its emotional depth and relatability, prompting Buechner to explore its origins in childhood and the innate search for happiness.

• "Male friendship was all about rhythm. It was a kind of song without words..." [17:08]

  • This metaphorical description of male friendships resonates with the audience, sparking discussions about the unspoken bonds and subtle communications in friendships.

Impact and Reflections: Eric shares how writing Dream State has influenced his own perspectives, particularly regarding his marriage and personal relationships.

• Personal Growth:

  • Reflecting on his two-decade-long marriage, Buechner discusses how the novel reinforced his appreciation for commitment and authentic connection. [26:25]

• Parental Insights:

  • He touches on the unpredictability of parenthood, emphasizing the unique journeys each child takes, which is deeply mirrored in his characters’ experiences. [33:21]

Conclusion: The episode wraps up with Oprah encouraging listeners to purchase Dream State, savor a matcha latte at Starbucks, and engage with the novel's rich narrative. Eric Buechner expresses his gratitude for the opportunity to discuss his work, leaving the audience with a sense of anticipation and a deeper understanding of the novel's intricate themes.

Final Thoughts: This episode of The Oprah Podcast offers a comprehensive and intimate look into Eric Buechner's Dream State, exploring its multifaceted themes through engaging dialogue and audience interaction. With notable quotes and personal reflections, listeners gain valuable insights into the novel's creation and its profound resonance with readers.

Notable Quotes:

1. Oprah Winfrey [00:23]: “Oprah’s Book Club, presented by Starbucks… The pairing for this book is a matcha latte.”
2. Eric Buechner [03:28]: “Dream State is my 111th Oprah's Book Club selection.”
3. Audience Member [30:22]: “I was like, yes. I was like this. This is it.”
4. Oprah Winfrey [30:29]: “You did get at that. Beautiful sentences.”
5. Eric Buechner [42:33]: “There's a way that I think when you have an incredibly close relationship with somebody, you change the world.”

Key Themes Discussed:

• The complexity of marriage and long-term commitment
• The impact of personal and collective grief
• Environmental changes and their influence on human experiences
• The nuanced portrayal of male friendships
• The balance between private desires and public personas

Audience Impact: Listeners and attendees are empowered to reflect on their own relationships and personal growth, inspired by the authentic narratives presented in Dream State. The session fosters a community of readers eager to explore the depths of Buechner’s storytelling alongside Oprah’s insightful guidance.

Call to Action: Oprah concludes by urging listeners to immerse themselves in Dream State, enjoy a curated Starbucks experience, and join the ongoing conversation within the Oprah Book Club community.

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This summary encapsulates the essence of the "Oprah Picks Your Next Cozy Read" episode, highlighting the rich discussions, emotional connections, and literary insights shared between Oprah Winfrey, Eric Buechner, and the engaged audience.

Transcript

[Oprah Winfrey]

Welcome, Eric.

[Eric Buechner]

Thank you so much.

[Oprah Winfrey]

You were so stunned when I called.

[Eric Buechner]

I was incredibly stunned when you called. In fact, my publicist had made me think that he was just calling to talk about something kind of boring. Hello?

[Oprah Winfrey]

Hello, is this Eric?

[Eric Buechner]

Yes, it is.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Eric, Hi. It's Oprah Winfrey.

[Eric Buechner]

Oh, my God. Yeah, thank God. I teach at Johns Hopkins University, and I get terrible reception in my office. So I was crouched in my car in this kind of ugly parking lot, and then it was Oprah on the line and almost dropped the phone. I was completely astonished.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Well, it's great to have you here. I told you we were gonna be in at Starbucks books in conversation. And you know what you said? Oh, will I be a part of that? That's the whole idea, Eric. Hi, everybody. Welcome to Oprah's Book Club, presented by Starbucks. Hello. We're here in the gor New York City Starbucks, and we are having some interesting books, conversation, and coffee, and we are all readers here. Hello, readers. I think that your neighborhood Starbucks is a great place to get together with friends with a copy of my new book club pick and connect over a delicious cup of curated coffee. The pairing for this book is a matcha latte. My 111th book club pick is a real page turner and an emotional rollercoaster, wouldn't you say? It is the novel Dream State by Eric Buechner.

[Literary Critic]

An absolute masterpiece. A wonder of character and craft. Beautiful, brilliant. One of the most anticipated books of 2025. That's just some of the literary praise for Eric Buechner's novel Dream State. It's set among the serene lakes and picturesque mountains of Montana, which is its own dream state. This is a story about Cece, who's arrived alone in town one month early to plan her wedding. It's also about her fiance, Charlie, who's a doctor back at Los Angeles, and his best friend, Garrett, who just happens to be the officiant for the wedding. When the tumultuous wedding day arrives, CeCe makes a shocking choice that affects everybody in her life. That's when Dream State becomes a story about a love Triangle spanning 50 years. This is a story of opportunity, grief, commitment, family, marriage, longing, regrets, parenthood, connection, human nature, friendship, and life. I sat down at Starbucks in New York City with the author and a cafe full of readers.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Married people in here, a lot of married people resonated, right?

[Literary Critic]

The audience told us why they connected so deeply to these beautifully written characters.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Your writing style is brilliant.

[Audience Member 1]

You create the characters, and they're so in depth, and they keep Going.

[Audience Member 2]

When I read this line in the book, I was just immediately just like. I was like, yes.

[Audience Member 3]

I wanted to know where the title came from and what you were thinking about it.

[Oprah Winfrey]

The way that you move time along in the book is magnificent.

[Audience Member 1]

Dream State really affected how I perceive my own marriage.

[Literary Critic]

That's why Eric Buckner's Dream State is my 111th Oprah's Book Club selection.

[Oprah Winfrey]

So we don't want to give away the plot, but my hope is that people buy and read the book Dream State and then come spend some time with us on this podcast to hear how you wrote this piece of art. It really is. But for now, I want you to set up for us the characters and the plot. What's the story? And first of all, how did the story come to you?

[Eric Buechner]

Okay. Well, it didn't come to me all at once. Okay. But the story is about a lake house in Montana, northwestern Montana, in the fictional town of Salish, Montana. The lake is actually based on a real lake, Flathead Lake in Montana. And the house in the book is based on a house that I have been going to for the past 25 years, every summer with my family. It's my wife's great grandfather's house. He built it, and it was out of the family for a while, but then it came back into the family. The story about the house that it's based on is that my wife's great grandfather was a Lithuanian Jew who immigrated to Montana and was so destitute, he lived in a packing crate for a while and then ended up starting a dry goods store and making some money that way and ended up building this house. He lived in Glasgow, Montana, but he ended up building this house on Flathead lake in the 19, early 1930s. It took a long time because apparently the carpenter was a total drunk. And if you go and you look at the house, there's not. Whenever someone comes to do work on the house, there's not a single right angle in the entire house. But it's a house that is really near and dear to my heart and that I love.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Is the house still there?

[Eric Buechner]

Oh, it's still there. We go. I'm going this summer. Yeah, so we go there every summer.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Okay, well, that's good to know because we. Because we know what happens in the story, but we're not saying. Okay. Our audience has read the book and came ready with questions. Kim, where are you? Okay. There you are.

[Audience Member 4]

Hi.

[Audience Member 1]

Your writing style is brilliant, and you.

[Eric Buechner]

Create the scenery, you create the characters.

[Audience Member 1]

They're so in depth. And they keep going.

[Eric Buechner]

How does your process begin?

[Audience Member 1]

Like what? Like inspires you.

[Eric Buechner]

Well, thank you for saying that. You know, writing a novel is really hard. It's never going to be perfect. And one of the wonderful things about a novel is its ambition. And that it can afford, in the way a short story can, and it can afford to be a little bit messy. So when I was thinking about this novel, I was thinking about something that actually happened, which was this kind of awful wedding story. And I was actually the officiant in this wedding. I won't tell you who it is, but people who I know well. And they had a wedding at the house in Montana in which everyone got norovirus, which features in the book. But, you know, if you don't know what norovirus is, is incredibly infectious. Stomach flu.

[Oprah Winfrey]

I had it. I had it this summer, and I so related. And, like, we all were at the dinner table. Then somebody else got it, and somebody else got it. Is the worst possible feeling. I thought I was going to die, and I thought, death is gonna be okay. It's all right. Just let me go. Just let me go. Yeah, it's really bad.

[Eric Buechner]

It's super contagious.

[Oprah Winfrey]

So that's why I don't know how Charlie stood it.

[Eric Buechner]

I don't know how Charlie did it. Well, you know, what happened in the actual wedding was that one of the flower girls threw up on the way down the aisle. Cause she was sick.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Anybody here ever had it? Norovirus? No. Oh, okay. You have?

[Audience Member 4]

Yeah.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Yeah. Coming out of both ends. It's terrible.

[Eric Buechner]

It's not pleasant. Yeah. And the.

[Oprah Winfrey]

But I lost six pounds. I was so happy. Small wins. I thought, wow, this is great. Hit the goal. All right.

[Eric Buechner]

It is a good way to lose weight. Definitely.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Great way to lose weight really quickly. Go ahead.

[Eric Buechner]

So the group flower girl was throwing up.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Oh, boy. And what do people do when that happens?

[Eric Buechner]

And they. Well, it's in the middle of a wedding. You can't stop a wedding. And the groom was also green because he had it, but he didn't want to admit to having it. And so. And then afterwards, much like in the book, they had hired a square dance band to play. And so everyone was do si. Doeing and passing the norovirus from one to the other, from the other to the other. And so I had this in mind as, like, something I wanted to sort of head toward as the kind of fulcrum of the book. And I knew I wanted to write about that setting because I love that setting so much.

[Oprah Winfrey]

So this Novel started because of the norovirus at the weddings.

[Eric Buechner]

Yeah.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Wow. Okay.

[Eric Buechner]

So, yeah, I mean, I was heading towards that moment. I really didn't know what was going to happen after that. Honestly, I just knew that that was going to. Everything was going to change. And I also wanted to write a sort of novel about marriage, a kind of marriage story, a marriage plot that ends with the wrong marriage. I thought that was interesting.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Okay, and that just came to you? I want to write about a marriage plot that is the wrong marriage.

[Eric Buechner]

It did, because I didn't. I mean, the marriage plot has been done so many times. And the epigraph of the book is from Midsummer Night's Dream. I was thinking about that sort of plot that ends in a marriage, and I thought, how can I make that original? And so I thought, well, we'll have a marriage halfway through the book, but it's not the right marriage. And in fact, they don't get their marriage paper certified, so they don't end up being married. So I was just interested in that. And I didn't actually come up. I don't want to give anything away, but to the end of the book, returns to the marriage that we see a glimpse of halfway through the book. For a long time, I didn't know how to end the book. I knew that it was spanning 50 years, that it was going into the future, that it was about this next generation as well, and how they would deal with the mistakes from the past. Both the sort of, you know, mistakes that the characters have made, but also the mistakes that society has made. But I didn't know how to end it. And I was at a writer's residency, Yotto, in New York. And I was there for a week, and I was like, I finally got this residency. I have a leave off of work, and I don't know. I can't write. I don't know what to do because I can't end this thing. And then it occurred to me to go back to that original wedding and to finish it and to write it as if this was a different, almost like dream life that might have occurred. And I actually started crying. I was so happy that I had come up with a way to end the book.

[Oprah Winfrey]

I thought the dream life had something. The Dream State, which is the name of the book, had something to do with this psychotic depression or depressive psychosis that Garrett went through. It had nothing to do with that.

[Eric Buechner]

No, it had a lot to do with that as well. Yeah. Thank you for picking up on that. And there's also A moment when Jasper, who becomes a drug addict, is talking about feeling like his life is always a dream. And I just started thinking about the way that we feel like we're often sort of trapped in a dream these days. Everyone's on the Internet all the time. These awful things are happening in the world. We're on our phones. We see that they're happening. And for Jasper, it's particularly acute because he has a heart condition. And there's something in his heart that saved him. Saved his life. And so he sometimes feels that his life is dreamlike.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Okay, we've been asking this question. If you could have coffee with any of the characters in the book, who would it be?

[Eric Buechner]

I think I would have coffee with Cece. I just. I like her a lot, and I think she.

[Oprah Winfrey]

How many are your Cici. Coffee people?

[Eric Buechner]

Okay, okay, Okay.

[Oprah Winfrey]

I would have thought more.

[Eric Buechner]

I think she would make the best coffee by far. Garrett, he makes, like, coffee.

[Oprah Winfrey]

No, you're gonna meet at a Starbucks and have the coffee. Okay, but you would have coffee with cece. I would have. I would have had coffee with Jasper. Okay. Anybody else? Who would you. Who would you choose to have coffee with? Yes, yes. Jasper, too. Jasper people. Jasper people. Okay. Garrett People. Okay. Charlie people. No, Charlie people. Atlanta people. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Very good. All right. So you said that you were drawn to characters who find it difficult to navigate through life because those are the people who you often are drawn to in your own life. And so that was also a part of the writing for this.

[Eric Buechner]

Absolutely. I mean, it's partly that when you write a novel, only Trouble is interesting. But also I think one of the wonderful things about a writer is being able to empathize with people who are really struggling. And I'm interested in that in my work. I'm also interested in my life. And I. I wanted to write about Jasper in particular. I have two close friends of mine, my best friends in high school, both became heroin addicts. So I was interested in writing about that epidemic.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Okay, Jennick, you have a question?

[Audience Member 5]

Normally, novels last. You know, they're sometimes shorter. They're like 10 years in span. 10, 20 years. You chose to do a 50, almost 60 year spanning novel. Why did you choose to do something so lengthy that covers so many friendships, relationships, drama, all that kind of stuff? And what do you hope that people take away from it?

[Eric Buechner]

That's a terrific question. I'm really drawn to novels that are ambitious in that way with their use of time. One of my favorite novels is Light Years by James Salter. Also Sort of focuses on a house and a family. I guess I'm drawn to novels in which time is the antagonist, because I feel that's sort of the way that our lives are. Are led. And grappling with that reality was really important to me. And obviously, also I was interested in climate change and the sort of devastating effects, particularly in the West, American west, because one of the things that's happened since we started going to this area in Montana 25 years ago is that I've watched it change dramatically. I've watched the landscape change. And it's not far from Glacier National Park. It's gorgeous there. It used to have 150 glaciers. It's down to 25. So all that snow that used to be there isn't there anymore. And so it's having an effect on all the lakes and the lake levels. It's having a huge effect on biodiversity. And also with all the fires, sometimes we go there for a week or two weeks, and we can't go outside for most of that time because the air quality index is, like, in the red, and it's very unhealthy. So it's tragic what's happening there. And so. But I wanted that to be part of the book.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Yeah. I think the scenery. Montana, first of all, Montana's having a moment right now, and I think all of it feels like it's its own character.

[Eric Buechner]

Yeah. Thank you.

[Oprah Winfrey]

And you wanted it to. You wanted to.

[Eric Buechner]

I did, absolutely.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Well, that's on purpose.

[Eric Buechner]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Oprah Winfrey]

I think also the desire to be authentic comes through a lot in the book. I remember in the beginning, I was struck by that sentence where she was being complimented by all the teachers because she wanted to be a pediatric neurosurgeon and then realize that she just liked the sound of it and, like, the way it sounded and the way people treat you when you say, I'm going to be a pediatric neurosurgeon versus actually, what that really means. Yes. So there's a lot of play on what it means to be authentic in this book.

[Eric Buechner]

Yeah, absolutely. I'm really interested in the sort of divide between our private and public selves. And I think one of the trickiest things in life is bridging that divide. I also think, like, what we think we want isn't necessarily what we truly want or what we should want. And I'm very interested in characters who think they want the wrong thing for themselves. And we as readers, know that. No, actually, that's not what you want with cece. It's sort of like trying on different masks. Because pediatric neurosurgeon, since she was a kid, she was sort of in love with those words. That's language. And once she got to med school, she was, God, I hate this. This isn't fun, and I'm not interested in this. So she has to change tact. But she also is confused as to she wants to do something great in the world, and she just doesn't know.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Well, one of the things I think we all appreciated about this book are that the characters are going through so much of what we all have experienced in our own lives. Like, where am I going? And what does this mean? And how am I defining myself? And am I just defining myself? Is this really real to me? You were able to capture that so well. And also, I think male friendship, which I'd never thought of this this way before you say on page 140, male friendship was all about rhythm. It was a kind of song without words, an instrumental you knew by heart. You learned the rhythm together and practiced it all the time for days and months and years, perfecting it by feel. It was the swing of your silences, the karaoke track behind the gibberish you sang. What the hell were you thinking then when you wrote that? How long did it take you to come up with that? First of all, you have the idea, and then you have to form the words to express this idea to us. How long did that take?

[Eric Buechner]

A long time. I labor over my sentences. I write them and rewrite them and rewrite them.

[Oprah Winfrey]

You love sentences.

[Eric Buechner]

I love sentences. I'm never so happy when I'm rewriting a sentence. I mean, I love my family, too, but it does make me uniquely happy for some reason. I think a lot of it.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Did you finish that sentence? You just went, yeah, I'm gonna have a matcha latte?

[Eric Buechner]

Yeah.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Yeah.

[Eric Buechner]

I think a lot about male friendship I have, I think, a little bit like Garrett and Charlie, who are the main. Two main male characters in the book, have a sort of friendship in college that I never really found in college. I didn't find until I was. I never really understood how to talk to most men in a way that they understood. So it wasn't until later and I went to grad school, and then I was at Stanford for a while doing a fellowship there that I made the best male friends of my life. But they're all writers, you know, and we have a common language. I think you all love sentences. We like sentences, yeah. But I also. I also think that so much of male friendship Revolves around, like, wanting to say something to that person. Like, I love you, man. You're amazing. You know, you're terrific. You're really important to me. But not being able to say it. But if you said that, they'd go, yeah, exactly, exactly. Because that's not being that sort of direct can be misinterpreted, I guess. And so you have to sort of communicate that in subtler ways.

[Oprah Winfrey]

And that's what you mean by the rhythm. The rhythm of your song without words.

[Eric Buechner]

I mean, when you're hanging out with your male friends, you can insult each other and it's like, I love you. Right?

[Oprah Winfrey]

Yeah. I don't know that, but okay.

[Eric Buechner]

And you're lucky.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Yeah.

[Eric Buechner]

Okay.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Okay. So that's what you meant by. It's a song without words. Okay. An instrumental you knew by heart. You learned the rhythm together and you practiced it all the time. Because that's what guides do. They're doing that all the time for days and months and years. And it was a swing of your silences. The karaoke track behind the gibberish you sang. Explain that to me. The karaoke track behind the gibberish you sang.

[Eric Buechner]

So it's not the words. The words that you're saying to your male friends, that's just sort of gibberish. It's jokey. It's banter. It's insult humor. Right. But then there is, like, the rhythm of your speech, of the conversations, of all the times that you've spent together doing various things that's in the background. And that is the sort of the heft of the friendship. That's the karaoke track. That doesn't change.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Well, that's why this is a brilliant sentence. Really good sentence, sir.

[Eric Buechner]

I'm glad I could explain it.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Thanks for listening. We'll be right back with more of my conversation. Welcome. The Starbucks you love is ready. Our baristas are ready. The world's best coffee beans are ready. That feeling that only the perfect scent can give you. Hello again from the Starbucks Coffee Company. Starbucks is a registered trademark of Starbucks Coffee Company. Welcome back to More of my Conversation. Okay, Sarah. Sarah, you have a question?

[Eric Buechner]

Yes.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Okay.

[Eric Buechner]

I have a question about the theme of grief and loss.

[Audience Member 1]

It just seemed so consistent throughout the whole story and particularly each of the characters and how they experienced it in this different way. And so I was curious if you were writing from a place of your personal experience or from, like, if. How your language and the sentences and everything was informed by your own personal experience.

[Eric Buechner]

I actually was writing the novel and started Writing the novel more seriously. After my mom died, my mom had Alzheimer's for 10 years, and it was really horrific, actually. So I was feeling that very much, and it's all I could think about. So Cece's plot, her backstory, and the death of her mom when she was young, that didn't happen to me. This. You know, my mom died fairly recently, but, yeah, it was important to me. And then, of course, there's another death in the book which happens skiing. And I'm a lifelong skier. I sort of kind of grew up in Utah because so much my family lives there, and I've had. Both my brother and my sister have seen people die in avalanches. They're really serious. They go hella skiing and do all this serious skiing. And so I was also thinking about that kind of loss, too. Sudden, very sudden loss.

[Oprah Winfrey]

I think the way that you explore the mysteries of marriage will resonate with a lot of people. Did you all think married people in here? A lot of married people. Okay. Resonated, Right. I think this is such an astonishing section. On page 389, you say they'd been married 24 years to the day, and yet these spaces still widen between them, ones they didn't have the energy to cross. Then, out of the blue, on their anniversary, no less, he discovered he couldn't speak to her properly, or really at all. He might as well have married a plant. It was heartbreaking. It broke Garrett's heart. Sometimes marriage felt like a dazzling present. They didn't want to soil or scratch, didn't have the courage to actually use. And so they locked it up in the garage where neither of them could touch it. Okay, have you been able to crack the code, the secret to marriage?

[Eric Buechner]

I just want to say I loved hearing you read that sentence when you do my audiobook. That was wonderful. No, I haven't cracked the code of marriage. I mean, I think that marriage is everything. It's those moments, and it's the moments when you feel incredibly connected. I think there's a moment in the book where Garrett is. Garrett becomes a wildlife biologist, and he's thinking about sort of occasionally being attracted to his. His partners who come up and work with him. And he uses this equipment to track wolverines, and he thinks about using sort of, like, satellite equipment to track the future. And he always, like, says, like, I try to, like, find myself 10 years in the future. And I think, would this be a good idea to cheat on my. On my wife? Or this person said, no, it's a terrible idea. Right. Even if you're feeling incredibly estranged from your spouse. And so I think that one of the things that makes marriage wonderful for me, I mean, I speak for myself and deeply meaningful, is that you have this commitment that informs everything you do. And even when it's the really hard times that you're going through, that commitment sees you through. And it's. I can't think of anything more beautiful in life, honestly, than committing yourself to a person despite having hardship.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Okay, Heather, where are you? Okay.

[Audience Member 1]

Yeah. Dream State really affected how I perceive my own marriage. When I finished reading the book at three in the morning, I went into the living room where my husband was asleep on the couch. And he's been sleeping there for, like, a few months now because I have menopause and I have hot flashes, and I drenched the bed, and he snores very loudly. And also, my mother also passed away recently, and his father passed away. And so just all the busyness and all the loss that we've experienced, I felt like I needed to put a separation between us so that I could breathe. But I realized after reading this book that what I really needed to do was to connect more with him and to actually put away the cell phone and the computer. So my question to you is, when you were writing this book, did you see your own marriage in a different lens?

[Eric Buechner]

Wow. That's a beautiful question. And thank you. I feel like I husband thanks you too. Yeah.

[Oprah Winfrey]

He is off of that sofa after three months, and what did it. Dream state, Honey, I was reading this book, and now you can come off the sofa. I feel better. Really? That really was it. What part of the book did that for you?

[Audience Member 1]

How Garrett wakes up one day and he looks at Cece and he says, oh, it was. You know, she was like a plant. And I didn't want to wake up next to my husband or, you know, during the day and think of him as something that I had to care for, but something that he really was, something that I needed. And we need each other, and I need to put away all the other stuff.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Wow.

[Eric Buechner]

Wow.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Well, that is good for a novel to do that. Yes.

[Eric Buechner]

I feel like I can die happy now. Wow. That's wonderful. I totally forgot what the original question was, however.

[Audience Member 1]

So my question is, while you're writing this book, do you see your marriage in a different lens?

[Eric Buechner]

I think it helped me see my marriage in the way that I have always seen it. And I think it was healthy to sort of interrogate what marriage is in the book and to have a character like Garrett who begins by saying, like, you know, oh, God, why would you want to get married? It's just a bourgeois construct, you know, and he sort of comes around. And it's interesting because my. My wife and I, we never thought we'd actually get married. We lived together for years before we actually get married. We've been.

[Oprah Winfrey]

How many years?

[Eric Buechner]

We've been together for close to 30 years, and we've been married for 20, so we never thought we wanted to actually tie the knot. And then we said, oh, we'll just have a. Let's just do it so we can have a big party with all our friends. And also there was health insurance and that sort of thing. Yeah. And we did it. And it actually did change something. You know, we were both surprised. We suddenly had that extra feeling of just, like, security and love that we didn't have before.

[Oprah Winfrey]

And she's a writer, too, and you both love sentences, so that makes that loving sentences.

[Eric Buechner]

She may have come to hate my senses. She read my book so many times for me. We read each other's work all the time. But, yeah, I hope. I hope that answers your question to a certain degree.

[Oprah Winfrey]

So High is here. And she has a question. The way that you move time along in the book is magnificent for my reader's mind and also for my writer's mind when I'm thinking about craft, when I'm reading. Did you intentionally do your time transitions that way before going into the writing, or was it something that came as you were writing the story?

[Eric Buechner]

That's an excellent question and a very sort of writerly question. Yeah, we think about that stuff all the time. Right. What do you leave on the page, and what do you allide? I write my novels the way most of my friends write novels, which is you write an exploratory draft, your first draft. There's a E.L. doctorow quote where he says, writing a novel is like driving at night in the fog. You can only see as far as your headlights. And that's always how I feel. So I'm always struck when I. When I read a quote from, like, Nabokov or something who says, oh, you need to plan out your entire novel in advance or you're not a real writer. I'm like, I don't know anybody who does that. If you don't surprise yourself, you're not gonna surprise the reader, and the characters aren't gonna come alive in the way that you want them to come. You want them to come alive and start doing things that you didn't expect. That's what's fun for me in the.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Writing and where are they? Like, alive in your head. It's like living with voices.

[Eric Buechner]

Yes, it is. I mean, you walk around. If you're deep in a novel, it's very aggravating for your wife, but very fun because you walk around and you have this entire population in your head doing things. You go for a run and, like, a whole chapter writes its. Cece decides to do something you didn't expect.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Wow. And then what? You're running. You don't have your computer or a pen, so you're running and you got to get back and put that down, right?

[Eric Buechner]

Yeah. And I don't have a photographic memory or anything, so, yeah, running is very important to my writing process. I think people have this sort of idea, which is not the right idea. It's a false idea that you have to actually be actively sitting in front of your computer, waiting for inspiration to strike. And you can't. If you leave your computer, you're not writing. I think some of the most productive time I take as a writer is when I'm just walking around. I've turned off that sort of, like, intellectual part of my brain, and some secret part of my brain is bubbling away. And so sometimes I go for a run and it's like teleportation. I'm immediately back at my house. I don't remember the run at all, but I have a whole new chapter in my head, and I. I have to rush upstairs and furiously write down.

[Oprah Winfrey]

What I write, computer or hand.

[Eric Buechner]

I do the actual composing on a computer, but I jot a lot of notes down.

[Oprah Winfrey]

This is one of my other favorite quotes in the book. On page 278. Life was a long, incompetent search to get back to a feeling you had when you were six. Didn't we all love that? Did you all. How many of you underline that or noted that? And the reason we. I liked it so much is because you didn't say four. You didn't say five or eight or ten. You said six. And everybody. Don't we all remember six? I mean, because it's like first grade. It's. You're feeling yourself. You got your patent leather shoes on for Easter. I mean, how did you. How. Where did this line come from to something?

[Eric Buechner]

I feel. I mean, it's hard for me to say where it came from. I just have always sort of felt that you feel things so deeply when you're that age and the world is like a sensory experience all the time and emotionally it's such a charged time.

[Oprah Winfrey]

You know, Erica, this is one of your favorites too, right?

[Audience Member 2]

Yes. I think that this sentence, beautifully captured, like, what I'm feeling right now and my life. I'm midlife right now, and there's just so many things that are constantly going through my mind, and I find myself living in this, like, perpetual nostalgic state of reflection of, like, who I am now versus who I was when I was a kid and how I connect the dots back to that and really kind of chasing what happiness and freedom look like then. And so when I read this line in the book, I was just immediately just like. I was like, yes. I was like this. This is it. Like, you know, you try to capture how you're feeling in life and you, like, look for sentences that kind of. In words that kind of express that. And so I was really touched by this.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Eric Buechner]

Thank you. That means a lot to me. Thank you.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Yeah. And so you remember you were six. Were you writing then? Did you love sentences at six?

[Eric Buechner]

I did. I always. I knew I wanted to be a writer at a very young age, but it wasn't till I was a little bit older, I started writing very bad poetry. We had an old typewriter, and I would clack away, and I loved E coming. So of course, I didn't use any punctuation or anything. And I remember writing, this is when I was a bit older, 13 or something, and I wrote a poem called 3am and train on Sax. Coltrane, right? John Coltrane. Because I liked jazz. And I'd never been up till 3am in my life, but I had this idea of, God, it's so cool to be a writer. So you stay up till 3am and you listen to really great jazz and you do that sort of thing. But then my bro, I have an older brother who's about 10 years older than me, and I must have been about eight. And for Christmas, he got the Collective Stories of Ray Bradbury. He has a lot of stories. Those of, you know, Bradbury, anyone is like, this big. And it was one of those old, like, tomes from the 70s that has the author's photo covered the entire back of the book. And so I was starting before that, when I read stories, I thought the language just fell out of the sky miraculously or something. I didn't think about authorship, that somebody actually wrote those words. This is the first time. I kept looking at the back, and there was very Bradbury. He's like, oh, my God, he wrote this sentence. And he wrote this sentence Wow. I mean, and I was like, I want to do that. And that's when I first started.

[Oprah Winfrey]

And I want my picture on the back. Yeah, that's really great. You say this about parenting. What a mystery your own children were. You gave them everything, and it was like tossing a coin into a well. I think so many parents relate to that feeling. Does this phrase come from your experience as a father?

[Eric Buechner]

Oh, absolutely.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Yeah.

[Eric Buechner]

I think the biggest thing I've learned from being a parent, and I've loved being a parent most of the time. One of the biggest things I've learned is that you love your kids and you have an idea of who they're going to become, and they don't become that. There's no kid on earth who, like, you know, adhered to the idea of their identity that their parents had for them. But then you love them anyway. They're completely different people than you expected, and you have to love them anyway. And that's been, like, really profound for me.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Thanks for listening. We'll be right back. Welcome back to more of my conversation. Wonderful. Okay. Julia, where are you?

[Audience Member 5]

I'm right here.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Hi.

[Audience Member 5]

Hi. So my grandmother suffered from dementia for years, and it was a very incredibly hard and difficult and emotional time for my family, especially my dad. He had to make a lot of the tough decisions. And reading about the character in the book and seeing how the family navigated love responsibilities, and the biggest thing, managing your own grief, made me really think about how a writer can go about writing about dementia and the family. And I wanted to know sort of your personal experiences connected to that and how you went about creating that demographic.

[Eric Buechner]

Yeah, that's a wonderful question. I'm very well put. Yeah. I really didn't feel like I had a choice but to sort of write about my mother. She was occupying my thoughts constantly. So one of the things I tried to do was to capture dementia in the way that it really is. I don't know if I accomplished that or not, but much of that stuff in the book actually happened. But also, there's a section, a brief section of the book where I enter my mom's. My mom. God, she's not my mom. I'm sorry. I enter Cece's point of view and try to imagine what it must have been like for her. And obviously, Cece's very different from my mother and cece's thoughts very different from my mother's. But that was a really important step for me to take. I wanted her to have a voice while she was in the throes of dementia as well. And it's one of my favorite passages in the book.

[Oprah Winfrey]

And as one of the main characters, Garrett, nears the end of his life, he shares this regret that he should have enjoyed himself more. His only youth. Wow. Nobody wants to be Garrett in that moment. I should have enjoyed myself more. His only youth. Do you have those same regrets or know somebody who has those regrets?

[Eric Buechner]

I think everybody in this room has regrets, don't they? Yeah. I mean, one of the things I wanted to do in the book, you do.

[Oprah Winfrey]

You do.

[Audience Member 4]

Time just gets away from you, depending on when your life starts.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Yeah.

[Audience Member 4]

So I had children early, and then you go to work, you have bills to pay, and I had children before. A lot of my friends did, so they were out traveling and doing more things. And I'm lifing. I'm taking care of my children. And then in turn, my mother got sick, and I was taking care of her. So now I'm trying to be conscious in doing something that I want to do, whether or not anyone else wants to do it. I'm an only child, so I'm used to doing things by myself. I'm gonna do what I enjoy doing. So now I'm lifing.

[Oprah Winfrey]

You're lifing?

[Audience Member 4]

Yeah.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Enjoying life.

[Audience Member 4]

Enjoying life.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Enjoying life.

[Audience Member 4]

Trying to.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Thank you. Enjoying. Lifing with us here in the Starbucks cafe.

[Eric Buechner]

Thank you.

[Oprah Winfrey]

That's why you're out having coffee with us today. So where did that line come from?

[Eric Buechner]

Well, I'm somebody who often experiences regret. I'm not saying that the regret is actually apt or well placed, but I can't even order dinner without feeling like, oh, I ordered the wrong thing immediately after I ordered it. But I think it's a sort of dangerous mentality to have this kind of life as elsewhere mentality, and that's sort of what. What I mean, it's a main theme of the book is this. These sort of trap doors of regret that you can fall into when actually, you know, if. If cece had ended up marrying Charlie, she would have had a different life, and she would have had regrets.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Spoiler. That was a spoiler. Okay. That was a spoiler.

[Eric Buechner]

So, yeah, I mean, I think life, part of learning how to live is learning how to live with regret and not let it overshadow your happiness. It's so easy to sort of drift to that other life you might have had.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Well, I think she would have had great regret if she'd married him, don't you?

[Eric Buechner]

Probably, yeah. But I.

[Oprah Winfrey]

What do y'all think that she would have had regret had she married Charlie. Yes. Because. Yes. Why? Why do you say so?

[Audience Member 3]

There was no right decision for her to make. She was gonna be regretful either way. She would have been regret. She would have regretted not exploring the openness that she was experiencing with Garrett because she was sharing so much with him. And she didn't have that openness with Charlie.

[Eric Buechner]

It felt like.

[Audience Member 3]

At least early in the book.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Yes. And so she was either going to experience the regret as she. Or experience the guilt. Experience the guilt also. Okay. Azur, you actually have a question for Eric?

[Audience Member 3]

Oh, yeah, I do. When I picked up the book, I thought. Early in the book, you mentioned Montana, and I thought Dream State was going to be about the dream state of Montana and its beauty. And then everything goes to ruins. Things burn down to the ground to the end. But then I was also thinking about the book, and I thought, was Dream State the life of low consciousness that all of the characters almost go through? So. And I'm sure the right answer is something else entirely in your head. So I wanted to know where the title came from and what you were thinking about it.

[Eric Buechner]

Well, I'll just start by saying a disclaimer. I'm terrible at titles. Like, I have.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Clara Keegan just said this about small things like that. He said she's terrible, too.

[Eric Buechner]

Okay.

[Oprah Winfrey]

There's the writing and then there's the titling.

[Eric Buechner]

They should farm it out to somebody else who's just a title specialist. That's their job. Right. So actually, the original title was Old Light. You know, I liked it.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Old Light.

[Eric Buechner]

Old Light.

[Oprah Winfrey]

No.

[Eric Buechner]

Yes. I rest my case. Right?

[Oprah Winfrey]

No, no, I'm not picking that up.

[Eric Buechner]

Okay. I'm so glad I changed it.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Okay, go ahead. Old Light. All right. I don't even see where that comes from.

[Eric Buechner]

It comes from a poem, but it's.

[Oprah Winfrey]

We didn't read the poem, so we're picking up the book. I know what you're talking about. Okay.

[Eric Buechner]

No, you're absolutely right. So, yeah, Dream State, I mean, it has the obvious sort of literal meaning, which is like, this is a state that's beautiful, Montana, but it's also getting less beautiful in many different ways. And so it's an ironic entitled. But then, as I said before, I was interested in this idea of life seeming more and more like a dream these days. And that has to do with climate change, but it also has to do with the way that we seem to live our lives so much online. Partly so, yeah. It just seemed to resonate in that way. And then. And Then with the final chapter, I won't say anything to actually be a spoiler, but there's a sense of a whole nother. A whole nother life that could have been lived that sort of, you know, reflects like a dream. And so that all of those things. Yeah.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Yes. I love this sentence on page 371. Maybe marriage was like that. Gradually, you renamed the world and created a new one, one only you could enter. You turned flowers into money, took the lullaby of exciting days and called it happiness. I just love that sentence. And I know you gave yourself a round of applause when you finished that sentence, didn't you? Didn't you say the lullaby of exciting. Yes. Of exciting day. Where did that line come? I love that. The lullaby of exciting days and called it happiness.

[Eric Buechner]

Well, I think I was trying to get at the fact that despite almost. Despite herself, CeCe finds happiness in the routine of her marriage. And I feel that. And I think as we get older, I think. I don't know. I don't want to speak for anybody else. I feel that more and more that it's actually. It's not the exciting stuff. It's sort of the kind of banal stuff. It's the waking up, having coffee with your wife, reading the paper, stuff together, sitting on the front porch. That's happiness.

[Oprah Winfrey]

That's the lullaby.

[Eric Buechner]

Yeah, that's the lullaby. And there's a way that I think when you have an incredibly close relationship with somebody, you change the world. I mean, things, because you have this connection. You see things in a way that no one else really sees them. It's idiosyncratic and unique, and I. I think that's what I was trying to get at there.

[Oprah Winfrey]

That's what you did get at. Beautiful sentences. Thank you so much. We're glad you love Sentences. Eric Puckner, thank you so much for Dream State. And I know all of us will be thinking about it and talking about it. Thank you so much.

[Eric Buechner]

Thank you so much for having me.

[Oprah Winfrey]

So buy the book Dream State, grab some friends, head to Starbucks for a matcha latte and dive in. And we're so glad that you were able to join us here at Starbucks today. Everybody. A big thank you to our wonderful Starbucks partners for supporting us. Thank you all for listening and watching, and we hope you'll all join our community and become a part of all of our conversations. Subscribe to the Oprah Podcast on YouTube and follow us on Spotify, on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to your podcast. Bye, everybody. Dream State. Dreaming State. Excellent.