She Lost Her Mother at Age 11 and Taught Oprah a Lesson She Never Forgot

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Oprah Podcast

Episode: She Lost Her Mother at Age 11 and Taught Oprah a Lesson She Never Forgot
Host: Oprah Winfrey
Date: July 7, 2026

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Overview

This moving episode revisits one of Oprah’s most impactful Oprah Show moments: the story of 11-year-old Kate Collinger, who, after losing her mother Kathleen to cancer, shared a memory that changed how Oprah thought about what really matters in life—the simple, everyday moments of connection. Decades later, Oprah reconnects with Kate (now an adult, mother, and survivor of her own struggles), her father Tom, and brother Zach, diving deep into themes of resilience, grief, family, and the enduring power of love.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Collinger Family’s Journey Through Terminal Illness

• Facing Kathleen’s Diagnosis With Honesty

  • Tom Collinger describes their approach after Kathleen was diagnosed: facing fears head-on, having open conversations, and seeking professional support.
    • Quote: "Instead of coping with the fears, we had to wade into them, we had to face them. And once we were able to learn how to do that, we became free of them." — Tom (02:46)
  • The family was upfront with the children from day one, allowing them to process grief together.

• Cherishing Small Moments Over Grand Gestures

  • Although the family took big trips and made special memories, Kate’s most treasured recollection remains an ordinary late-night bowl of Cheerios with her mom.
    • Quote: "It's not the jackets and the great big games and the vacations, but it's the time she spent with her mom eating a bowl of Cheerios." — Oprah (09:54)

2. Letters From Kathleen: Enduring Messages of Love

• Emotional Wisdom in Parting Letters
  • Kathleen wrote heartfelt letters to her children before passing, reassuring them of her ongoing presence and encouraging them to feel confident in themselves.
    • Quote: "Keep me in your heart and hold me there in a way that gives you comfort, help or support. If you do, I will never, ever leave you." — Kathleen (read by Kate) (05:14)
    • Quote: "[...] you have developed such tremendous qualities in your brief life on earth that I. Enormous. I'm enormously gratified as I imagine you navigating your way even without me." — Kathleen (read by Zach) (04:45)

3. The Cheerios Moment: What Children Remember Most

• A Story That Stuck With Oprah for Life
  • Despite a year packed with special events and vacations, Kate’s fondest memory is of a simple shared bowl of cereal in the middle of the night.
    • Quote: "At 2:00 clock in the morning, we both went down and we ate some cereal." — Kate (as a child) (00:30)
    • Memorable Reflection: Oprah coined this as "the Cheerios moment," underscoring how ordinary moments are what matter most to children. (09:46)

4. Openness, Truth, and Resilience in Grief

• The Value of Honesty With Children

  • Tom recounts: “You don't need to say everything, but whatever you say, make it absolutely the truth, because that's the only thing you've got. It’s the only link, is the truth.” (14:06)
  • Truthfulness fostered resilience and deepened family bonds.

• Kate’s Later Struggles and Growth

  • Kate reveals her difficult transition into adulthood—depression, a near-fatal accident, and her journey through addiction and recovery.
    • Quote: "That was my induction into a 12-step program. And that was the beginning of a very long journey for me to get sober..." — Kate (15:53)
  • She credits her family, 12-step recovery, and her mother’s lingering presence for her healing.

5. The Evolving Family Dynamic

• Fathers and Brothers Step Up

  • Tom changed careers to prioritize Kate and Zach, becoming a professor so he could be present at home.
  • Kate: “I went from being a mommy's girl to being a daddy's girl. And he and my brother are my people, they're my tribe.” (15:53)

• Siblings as Anchors

  • Kate and Zach’s relationship transformed through adversity, growing closer and supporting each other through years of struggle.
    • Quote: "My sister and my dad are the rocks in my life... Kate’s resilience is something I learn from every day." — Zach (read by Oprah) (25:25)

6. Generational Impact: Motherhood and Memory

• Kate as a Mother

  • Becoming a mother herself brought Kate a new connection to her own loss and her mother’s love.
    • Quote: "Being able to be a mother now and being able to incorporate her memory in the way that I live my life today is so magical." — Kate (22:19)
  • Kate reflects on the importance of making "muscle memories" of ordinary joy with her own daughters.

• Continuing to Honor Kathleen

  • Kate integrated her mother’s favorite song (“What a Wonderful World”) and words from her mother’s letter into her wedding day.
    • Quote: "Reading an excerpt of the letter that my mom wrote to me before she passed away at the end of the aisle..." — Kate (23:33)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote / Moment | |-----------|-------------------|----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 02:46 | Tom Collinger | "Instead of coping with the fears, we had to wade into them, we had to face them...we became free of them." | | 05:14 | Kate (reading mom)| "Keep me in your heart and hold me there in a way that gives you comfort, help or support. If you do, I will never, ever leave you..." | | 09:54 | Oprah Winfrey | "It's not the jackets and the great big games...but it's the time she spent with her mom eating a bowl of Cheerios."| | 12:58 | Kate (child/teen) | "Yeah. I mean, she's always there...she's given me a few little signs that I wanted. So, you know, just having her here with me."| | 15:53 | Kate (adult) | "That was my induction into a 12 step program. And that was the beginning of a very long journey for me to get sober..."| | 22:19 | Kate (adult) | "Being able to be a mother now and being able to incorporate her memory in the way that I live my life today is so magical."| | 25:25 | Zach (via Oprah) | "My sister and my dad are the rocks in my life... Kate's resilience is something I learn from every day." |

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [00:01–05:14] – The Collinger family’s initial story, Kathleen’s letters, and Kate's childhood memory.
• [09:05–09:50] – “Cheerios moment”: Kate’s favorite memory, as described to Oprah.
• [12:10–13:14] – The impact of openness and honesty on Kate’s experience of grief.
• [15:50–19:26] – Kate’s journey through adulthood, mental health, and addiction recovery.
• [21:05–23:33] – Kate as a mother: memories, lessons, and intergenerational healing.
• [25:25–27:44] – Zach reflects on Kate’s resilience and the strength of sibling and family bonds.

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Recurring Lessons and Takeaways

• Facing fear and grief openly—especially as a family—fosters resilience, honesty, and deep connection.
• Children remember the quality of time and emotional presence, not material things or big events.
• Love and support can be carried forward, both through living memory and intentional rituals.
• Resilience and healing are ongoing processes, helped by family, openness, and seeking help when needed.
• Shared pain, when worked through together, can lead to joy, gratitude, and unbreakable bonds.

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Final Thoughts

This episode is a testament to the healing power of small moments, honesty, and the importance of nurturing emotional connection—especially in the face of loss. Kate’s journey, her family’s courage, and their vulnerability inspired Oprah “for a lifetime,” and continue to offer life-affirming lessons to all listeners.

"It's about, you know, the intimate moment of connection that you have on a daily basis with the world around you. And it's the magnitude and scope of the relationships and love that I have in my life today with my family who are friends and my friends who are family. That's what's so profound and important and incredible to me."
— Kate Collinger (19:29)

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Recommended for:
Anyone grieving a loved one, parents seeking perspective, families facing illness, or anyone looking for hope, resilience, and the reminder that in the end, it’s the little moments that last the longest.

Transcript

[Oprah Winfrey]

This is Tom and his children, Zach and Kate. Tom lost his beloved wife Kathleen three months ago. Do you have letters that your mom wrote?

[Kate Collinger (as a child)]

I'm confident in the kind of wonderful woman you will become. With this knowledge, I have grown to actually be able to face death with a sense of peace. You have helped me get there because I know you'll be all right.

[Oprah Winfrey]

At the end of the show, I asked 11 year old Kate what was her favorite memory About a week before

[Kate Collinger (as a child)]

she died, before she went into the hospital, I was in their room sleeping and I said, mom, would you wake me up if you go downstairs to eat a bowl of cereal? She said yes. So at 2:00 clock in the morning, we both went down and we ate some cereal.

[Zach Collinger (as a child)]

Yeah.

[Oprah Winfrey]

And in the end, what matters the most to the children, I believe, as Kate so eloquently shared with us, are the moments and the time. And it's not the jackets and the great big games and the vacations, but it's the time she spent with her mom eating a bowl of Cheerios.

[Oprah Winfrey (Podcast Host)]

Kate is now married and a mother of two daughters. Hi, Kate.

[Kate Collinger (as an adult)]

Hi, Oprah.

[Kate Collinger (as a child)]

Hey there.

[Oprah Winfrey (Podcast Host)]

Thank you for spending time with us here on the Oprah Podcast. Over 25 years of the Oprah Winfrey show, we did it all, it all makeovers, incredible reunions, giveaways, celebrity conversations. But more often than not, I will tell you, for me, the deeper aha moments came from everyday folks who just were there to share their stories on the show. And one of the most memorable for me was an 11 year old girl named Kate who sat in the front row of our audience with her brother Zach and her father Tom, just a few months after they had lost their mother Kathleen to cancer. And I'll catch up with Kate later in the podcast. I but I've spoken with Kate and Zach many times over the years. Here's a look at the very first time we met.

[Oprah Winfrey]

This is Tom and his children, Zach and Kate. Tom lost his beloved wife Kathleen just three months ago from lung cancer. Didn't smoke. Kathleen tried to pack a lifetime of experiences into one short year. And Tom says she died peacefully after passing along some valuable lessons. She wanted to have a good death correct.

[Tom Collinger (Father)]

Immediately after the inconceivable news, the diagnosis, we went into action in the way in which we coped with all other traumas before that, which was optimism and hope and focus on overcoming the somewhat insurmountable odds. And that's the sort of energy we brought to dealing with it initially.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Yeah.

[Tom Collinger (Father)]

But it turns out that that energy Sort of stiff arms is. Mitch, you said stiff arms. What is really going on, which is the fears of the unimaginable. And once we understood that that's really what we needed to embrace, we got help, professional help, support at the Cancer Wellness Center. What we came to understand is that instead of coping with the fears, we had to wade into them, we had to face them. And once we were able to learn how to do that, we became free of them. And it meant having conversations that were indescribable. But we had them, the four of us, the kids. And Kathleen and I, we talked about funerals.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Were you guys told in the beginning, how soon were you told that your mom had lung cancer?

[Kate Collinger (narrating or reflecting)]

Yeah, the day.

[Oprah Winfrey (Podcast Host)]

The day.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tom Collinger (Father)]

They were in on it from the very beginning. And because we were able to open it up to the unimaginable fears, they didn't drive us any longer, they didn't control us. And we became free of fear and allowed us to be open to living in the moment. That was our secret to living in the moment, is facing our fears and getting rid of them. And once we did, it became this fantastic cycle because it opened us up to pleasure and joy and love in ways that the four of us had never known. And it radiated among our family, our friends, our community.

[Kate Collinger (child or young adult)]

Really?

[Tom Collinger (Father)]

Yeah, really.

[Oprah Winfrey]

So, kids, you have letters that your mom wrote?

[Zach Collinger (as a child)]

Yeah, I received this about, I don't know, a week after my mom died. And this is just a little part of it. Thirteen year old boys don't need their moms too much, but they definitely need them from time to time. I so desperately, desperately wish I could be there for you in body, not just in spirit. Fortunately for me, I was able.

[Kate Collinger (child or young adult)]

I won't be.

[Zach Collinger (as a child)]

I won't have to bear the indignity of ever losing a tickle torture to you, which no doubt would have happened in the near future. More seriously though, while I think about your life without me, while it brings me sadness, it also brings me pride. You have developed such a tremendous, such tremendous qualities in your brief life on earth that I. Enormous. I'm enormously gratified as I imagine you navigating your way even without me.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Whoa, Kate, what'd yours say?

[Kate Collinger (as a child)]

Keep me in your heart and hold me there in a way that gives you comfort, help or support. If you do, I will never, ever leave you. I suspect I may even be able to help you during difficult times. If you just tap into me, I will be inside you, leaving you, loving you and caring about you every single minute of every single day. For as long as you live. That's about it, sweetie, because I know what a tremendous girl you are. I am confident in the kind and wonder. I'm confident in the kind of wonderful woman you will become. With this knowledge, I have grown to actually be able to face death with a sense of peace. You have helped me get there because I know you'll be all right.

[Oprah Winfrey (Podcast Host)]

Our listeners tell us that the podcast is resonating with you and is serving as a bright spot in your day. That means a lot to me. So here's the thing. I would really appreciate it if you like and subscribe to the Oprah Podcast on YouTube or wherever you podcast. It's just a quick tap of the subscribe button and that way you won't miss an episode in your queue. You don't have to pay anything. I know subscribe usually means you're paying something, but this time it means you just are notified when there's something new. There are many more to come that we're excited about, so thank you for watching and listening. Time for a quick break, listeners. Stay with us because I'm catching up with Kate a little bit later in the show. She's all grown up now and a mom herself. We're excited for the Oprah Podcast to present this series Life is Better with Dogs in partnership with the farmer's dog, when he was 20 years old, Chad Brown joined the Navy and served for four years in combat zones overseas. Chad says his transition from military to civilian life was complicated by his severe ptsd.

[Tom Collinger (Father)]

A lot of us veterans, we struggle with this a lot is it's the loneliness. I saw Axe for the first time. I fell on my knees and I actually was just bawling in tears. I don't think I would probably be here. You know, Ax has saved me.

[Oprah Winfrey (Podcast Host)]

I always say life is better with dogs.

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To hear more of Chad and Ax's

[Kate Collinger (narrating or reflecting)]

story, scan the QR code or go

[Kate Collinger (as an adult)]

to thefarmersdog.com Oprah podcast

[Oprah Winfrey (Podcast Host)]

Welcome back to the Oprah Podcast. One of my favorite guests from the Oprah show was an 11 year old girl named Kate who told me a story about her mom and what I called the Cheerios moment. I experienced a big ha ha from that conversation. So let's get back to Kate's story.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Okay, many of you probably saw this show and don't realize this that after every show I usually or before the show spend time talking to the audience. And so this part of the interview that I did a few weeks ago did not get on the air. I met Kate and Zack Collinger, their two children who recently lost their mother to cancer. Their family spent an incredible final year together when they realized that their mother had cancer, when she realized that she had cancer. They decided to come together as a family, face the fact that she was going to be dying and to make it the greatest year of their lives. Showing their love and to each other, saying the things that a lot of people spend a lifetime and never say, and visiting as many wonderful places as they could. But this is really what got to me. At the end of the show, I asked 11 year old Kate what was her favorite memory? Cause they'd been to lots of different places and they'd been to Palm Springs and Disney World and shared a lot of different things. And I said, what was your favorite memory? And here's what she told me.

[Kate Collinger (as a child)]

We went to Palm Springs for family vacation and she was in bed, but I came home after swimming and she said, can you get me a bowl of Cheerios? And I said, sure. So I remember that a bowl of Cheerios. She ate everything, really. She got up at 2 o' clock in the morning and went downstairs and ate. And about a week before she died, before she went into the hospital, I was in their room sleeping and I said, mom, will you wake me up if you go downstairs to eat a bowl of cereal? She said, yes. So at 2 o' clock in the morning we both went down and we.

[Oprah Winfrey]

That is really Cheerio.

[Kate Collinger (as a child)]

Cheerios. Yeah.

[Oprah Winfrey (Podcast Host)]

Amazing.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Amazing.

[Kate Collinger (narrating or reflecting)]

I love Kate and Zach.

[Oprah Winfrey]

And the reason why I wanted to share that with you is because I know a lot of you as parents today are stressed to the max. Cause you're trying to get the right kind of gym shoes and you're trying to get the right kind of jackets and the right kind of clothes and the right kind of toys. And in the end, what matters the most to the children, I believe, as Kate so eloquently shared with us, are the moment and the time. And it's not the jackets and the great big games and the vacations, but it's the time she spent with her mom eating a bowl of Cheerios. I thought that was really profound.

[Oprah Winfrey (Podcast Host)]

Time for a quick break, listeners. Coming up, the obstacles that almost derailed Kate as a young adult woman finding her way without her mother. More of her story is next. If you know somebody who could use a life affirming reminder of what really matters, I encourage you to share this episode with them.

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[Oprah Winfrey (Podcast Host)]

details we're taking a look back on some of my favorite moments from the OPRAH Show. One unforgettable young girl named Kate helped me realize that it may be those small moments in life that matter most.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Well, Kate and Zach are now 15 and 17 and they say that the honest way their family handled their mother's death gave them priceless gifts for life. What was so extraordinary about that piece was that you all had taken the year off. Had you not taken some time off to be with your mom and you'd done, you know, gone to Disneyland and all that stuff.

[Oprah Winfrey (Podcast Host)]

Yeah, we took some time just apart from we went to school, obviously we

[Oprah Winfrey]

didn't miss any school.

[Oprah Winfrey (Podcast Host)]

But we took some time just to be together. We took all those vacations, spring break and winter break. Those were just special times just to be together.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Yeah. Well, that's why I was so impressed because you've done all the big stuff that people think it's the big stuff. Oh my God. If I could just get the big gift, go to Disneyland. It's the Cheerios moment that you remember.

[Kate Collinger (child or young adult)]

I don't even know. I know I would not be the person I am today. I mean, without the loss of my mom. And it's extremely hard to say. I mean, obviously I would do anything to have her back. But you know, I know that I'd probably be a little more self involved and not as introspective as a person as I am now because of the death of my mom.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Because of the death and also in the open way in which you all treated it. It was talked about from the beginning.

[Kate Collinger (child or young adult)]

Yeah. Was it not everything. I mean, they every day, you know, what's new, you know, how's she doing?

[Oprah Winfrey]

And how old were you when you first knew that she was sick and that this could happen?

[Kate Collinger (child or young adult)]

See, I was in fourth grade. I was 10. You know, it was a huge concept for me. I just didn't know how to deal with it. But we talked about it.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Do you feel your mother's presence?

[Kate Collinger (child or young adult)]

Yeah. I mean, she's always there. You know, some days, you know, I don't think about her as much as others. And, you know, it's, you know, a hard thing because, you know, I want to think about her as much as I can. But, you know, she's given me a few little signs that I wanted. So, you know, just having her here with me.

[Oprah Winfrey]

I heard once when you were sick that you felt her very strongly.

[Kate Collinger (as a child)]

Yeah.

[Kate Collinger (child or young adult)]

I was at camp, and the nurse told me to go lay down, and I was feeling nauseous, and, you know, just remembering, you know, how my mom used to take care of me. And I was lying down and sleeping. And a few minutes before I woke up, I felt. I felt like I saw someone. I was kind of half awake, you know, half sleeping, and I felt this enormous pressure on my head, and it was kind of startling. And I, you know, was shaken up. And I woke up, and I felt 100% better. And, I mean, I looked around the room. No one was there. I went out, you know, to the porch, and the nurse was there talking with another person. And it was just. It's like, you made me better. I mean, she always did.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Tom, you say the best advice you got when you found out that Kathleen was going to die was what? To be completely open.

[Tom Collinger (Father)]

Yeah. Actually, it was at the moment of having to deal with going to pick up the kids from school an hour after hearing what her diagnosis was. And so I looked for help. I said, how do I do this? And the counsel was, you don't need to say everything, but whatever you say, make it absolutely the truth, because that's the only thing you've got. It's the only link, is the truth. So that's what we did. And from that moment on, I was guided by that. And when they had the wherewithal to ask what they were ready to hear,

[Oprah Winfrey]

they would ask, like, is mom going to die? Right.

[Tom Collinger (Father)]

Yeah. It took about four or five days, and they asked that question. And I. It's the first time as a parent, I had to protect myself from saying, it's going to be okay.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Mm. So you told the truth.

[Tom Collinger (Father)]

So I told the truth.

[Oprah Winfrey (Podcast Host)]

You told the truth.

[Oprah Winfrey]

And that decision I was talking about earlier, we were also impressed that you decided, family time. We're going to spend as many quality moments together as possible. That was a conscious effort on everybody's part.

[Tom Collinger (Father)]

Well, it was. You know, in retrospect, I was also guided by the fact that I was worthless at work. I mean, I was worthless. So it was a very easy decision to make to be able to just stay at home. So I made the right Choice.

[Oprah Winfrey]

Well, thank you. I told you, you're my favorite. Thank you. Kate and Zach and Tom, you're up there too. Tom.

[Oprah Winfrey (Podcast Host)]

In 2016, we caught up with Kate, who was no long little girl at the time. She was 29 years old, already living in Chicago. Kate's simple Cheerios moment had a big impact on me. And I always remembered it today that Little Kate is 29 years old. My team caught up with her to find out how she is now.

[Kate Collinger (narrating or reflecting)]

For a while after the show, I

[Zach Collinger (as a child)]

was the Cheerios girl.

[Kate Collinger (narrating or reflecting)]

I mean, that was 18 years ago. There's been a lot of life that's happened since then. My family changed. The dynamic completely shifted. My dad was a workaholic. He sacrificed. He went from this high powered advertising executive to taking a huge pay cut and became a professor at Northwestern so he could be available to take us to school and be at home at night to have dinner with us. I went from being a mommy's girl to being a daddy's girl. And he and my brother are my people, they're my tribe. So my freshman year of college, I went to Northwestern. I was in a deep depression. I wasn't getting out of bed, I wasn't showering, I was overeating. And I ended up seeing a psychiatrist for the first time in my life. And he put me on an antidepressant. And he said, if she's bipolar, this could flip her. Because for people who are put on antidepressants who are bipolar, it has the capacity to antidepress them so much that they'll be sent into a manic episode. And all of a sudden I was feeling good. I didn't need therapy anymore. I didn't really need to eat because I wasn't really hungry anymore. I didn't need to sleep because I wasn't really tired anymore. I was engaging in risky behavior. In November 2005, I took a hallucinogenic drug with a friend and got in a car, blacked out. And I wake up and I'm pressing the accelerator of the car, having no idea why I wasn't going anywhere. And I look up and there's an electrical post about 10, 15ft from my face. And they took me to the hospital. And that was my induction into a 12 step program. And that was the beginning of a very long journey for me to get sober and stay sober. Because for a very long time I felt like I could control it. For a very long time I felt like the drug or the drink or whatever I ingested was going to change. It was going to be different next time. Today it's about the choices that I make on a daily basis, proactive decisions that I make on a daily basis towards living a healthier, more balanced life. I have such a tremendous network of family and friends that are there on the other end of the line when I need them.

[Kate Collinger (as an adult)]

Last night, we were looking through this

[Kate Collinger (narrating or reflecting)]

book that her dad had given her for her 18th birthday. Feels like it's been a very long road. I'm telling a very different story than I did when I was 11 years old. And I have a different message to convey. I get up every morning and go to a job that I've held for almost two years, and I continue to have a lot of love and support, and my mother is a part of that. She passed away almost two decades ago, but she shows up for me when I hear It's a Wonderful World. You know, that was her favorite song, and that comes on sometimes. Exactly when I need it to. Or the letter that she wrote to me before she passed away. She said she'd always be in my corner cheering me on. I think that inherent feeling that I had as a little girl when I

[Kate Collinger (as an adult)]

talked about the Cheerios experience still is

[Kate Collinger (narrating or reflecting)]

very present for me today. You know, it's not about the, the vacations or the money or whatever. It's about, you know, the intimate moment of connection that you have on a daily basis with the world around you. And it's the magnitude and scope of the relationships and love that I have in my life today with my family who are friends and my friends who are family. That's what's so profound and important and incredible to me.

[Oprah Winfrey (Podcast Host)]

After our last break, we're gonna hear from Kate, who's now all grown up, married, and raising her own children in Chicago. I'm talking with her next.

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[Oprah Winfrey (Podcast Host)]

Welcome back to the OPRAH Podcast. I wanted to share a lesson with you from the Oprah Winfrey show that has stayed with me all these years. I hope you'll get something out of it, too. So that was 10 years ago. Kate is now married and a mother of two daughters. Hi Kate.

[Kate Collinger (as an adult)]

Hi, Oprah. Oh, my goodness. It's nice to see her face.

[Oprah Winfrey (Podcast Host)]

So good to talk to you again. Here we are 30 years later talking about that Cheerios moment. Why do you think that that lesson resonated like it did?

[Kate Collinger (as an adult)]

I mean, especially being a mom now.

[Oprah Winfrey (Podcast Host)]

Yeah.

[Kate Collinger (as an adult)]

I was with Remy on our bed yesterday, like, having a tickle torture fight. And I remember when my mom and I were, you know, in the last years of her life. God, I vividly remember this, and I don't have have many memories of my childhood because of the trauma that I experienced. But I remember she was probably a few months before she passed away, and I said, mom, we'd go. We'd have tickle torture fights all the time. And I'd say, mom, can you just,

[Kate Collinger (narrating or reflecting)]

like, get on the ground?

[Kate Collinger (as an adult)]

And I could. I remember seeing her face, like, I want to do this right now. But she was in so much pain. So she kind of, like, got on the floor with me and, like, you know, it wasn't with the same enthusiasm as once as she once had, but she was just wanting to recreate some of that magic that I had as a child with her. And being able to just, like, tickle torture Remy on the bed yesterday was just like. I mean, I have to make a muscle memory of that moment. This is going by so fast. Motherhood is going by so fast because

[Oprah Winfrey (Podcast Host)]

you have two gorgeous little girls now, Remy and Macy. And how has having the children shifted your relationship you feel with your own mom?

[Kate Collinger (as an adult)]

My cousin actually asked me this question when I had recently had Maisie, which was not too far after Remy. And, you know, I think initially when I was coming out of the darkness, as I was, you know, 10 years ago, I was really just reemerging from a lot of struggle. And I didn't see or feel when you're in those times of darkness, you don't see and feel that magic and spiritual connection. At least I didn't as much with my mother. But being able to be a mother now and being able to incorporate her memory in the way that I live my life today is so magical.

[Oprah Winfrey (Podcast Host)]

Wow, wow, wow, wow. So how's your brother Zach and your dad Tom, who is a grandpa now?

[Kate Collinger (as a child)]

Titi?

[Kate Collinger (as an adult)]

Yeah. So he actually wanted to be called tc, But Remy couldn't get that out. And being the firstborn, that's just what you're going to be named now, dad. So Titi, she got to do it. She got to name it. And my brother. My brother lives in Austin, travels internationally for work. My dad is finally back In Chicago after spending the winter in Tucson, where he spends his time with his wife. And we're just going through the daily motions of trying to get together as often as possible as a family.

[Oprah Winfrey (Podcast Host)]

I heard he was the officiate at your wedding.

[Kate Collinger (as an adult)]

Yeah, Zach was the officiant at our wedding. You know, that wedding. I think daily my husband Pat and I talk about this wedding. I mean, it was so magical. And Zach was such a shepherd of that magic into that day. It was really just. It was this spiritual just. I am an anxious human being, and I have to tell you that I walked down the aisle with such a sense of. I got this piece because I knew what I was doing. I knew what I was celebrating. Not just the wedding itself, but the accomplishments of a lifetime of being able to overcome so much trauma and strife. And walking towards Pat, seeing my brother at the end on this gorgeous summer day to the music of what a Wonderful World, which was my mother's favorite song. Dancing to because youe Love Me by Celine Dion. You know, with my dad at my wedding, like, reading an excerpt of the letter that my mom wrote to me before she passed away at the end of the aisle, like, during the ceremony, being able to incorporate her in so many beautiful ways, and then to have my brother who is like, my. He's my person. I mean, sorry, Pat, but like, he's my og, you know, it was magical. It was a magical start to an incredible marriage and relationship that I have with my husband.

[Oprah Winfrey (Podcast Host)]

So do you still have that little hat? Did you keep that little hat?

[Kate Collinger (as an adult)]

The hat that I wore on the original show?

[Oprah Winfrey (Podcast Host)]

Yeah.

[Kate Collinger (as an adult)]

No, I honestly, I was like, where did that hat go? And I was. It's so funny because I got to pick out what I was wearing that day as a mighty 11 year old. And that just was the one that I chose. And I think I wore it during my mom's room that she had dedicated to her at a cancer center, you know, when she was alive. And I don't have that hat anymore.

[Oprah Winfrey (Podcast Host)]

I know. I just remember you from that cute little hat. You're one of the few people that ever came on the show. I don't remember anybody else ever wearing a hat. So it's always like, Kate and Zach in the hat. So we spoke with your brother Zach, and I wanted to share what he told us about you. He said, my sister and my dad are the rocks in my life. They've been guiding forces through everything. And Kate's resilience is something I learn from every day. And seeing her now married with two children and building a life is just incredible, especially knowing what she went through. And I love being Uncle Zachy. That's what he said. And seeing my dad as a grandfather now he has this new joy and purpose. So for me, it's gratitude for my family and for the way that our shared pain has led to so much connection and joy in ways we couldn't have anticipated. I love that shared pain was able to lead to connection and joy. But that comes with the work that you did to get yourself here.

[Kate Collinger (as an adult)]

Absolutely. I mean, you know, Zadak and I are tremendously close. And were there years where we weren't as close, despite whether or not I could acknowledge it in the moment? Of course there were. Because he had to keep a distance. I needed to go into self preservation mode in some of the years that I was struggling to, you know, stabilize. And I just celebrated my 40th birthday. He wrote me this phenomenal testimonial pages worth of the speech that he, you know, spoke with, spoke to me at my 40th about fire and water and how we compliment each other, how he's a Leo and I'm a Pisces, and how I've always been the balanced thread that has, you know, kept him, you know, on the right track. And we fundamentally feel that way about one another. And it's a bond that I would not have traded. And obviously, despite the loss of my mother and because of the loss of my mother, we are as strong as we are. I mean, my dad, my brother, I mean, it's no wonder that I found such a phenomenal husband because they're just in eloquent. My brother, of course, those words were just so incredibly eloquent, these English majors in my life. But I'm so grateful that I have such exemplary. I think that's wonderful in my life.

[Oprah Winfrey (Podcast Host)]

Wonderful to see you. Wonderful to see you.

[Kate Collinger (as an adult)]

It's so good seeing you too.

[Oprah Winfrey (Podcast Host)]

Give my very best to Tom and Zach and those beautiful girls. And I just wanted to say if you have a friend or family member dealing with a terminal illness, I hope you share this episode with them. There's so much to learn from Kate and her family and we'll see you next time.

[Tom Collinger (Father)]

Go.

[Oprah Winfrey (Podcast Host)]

Well, our listeners tell us that the podcast is resonating with you and is serving as a bright spot in your day. That means a lot to me. So here's the thing. I would really appreciate it if you like, and subscribe to the Oprah Podcast on YouTube or wherever you podcast. It's just a quick tap of the subscribe button, and that way you won't miss an episode in your queue. You don't have to pay anything. I know subscribe usually means you're paying something, but this time it means you just are notified when there's something new. There are many more to come that we're excited about, so thank you for watching and listening.