Surviving the Teenage Years with 'Modern Family' stars Julie Bowen & Ty Burrell

Summary

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The Parent Chat with Dylan Dreyer

Episode: Surviving the Teenage Years with ‘Modern Family’ Stars Julie Bowen & Ty Burrell

Release Date: May 28, 2026
Guests: Julie Bowen & Ty Burrell
Host: Dylan Dreyer

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Episode Overview

In this heartfelt and humor-filled episode, Dylan Dreyer sits down with Julie Bowen and Ty Burrell—beloved TV parents from “Modern Family” and experienced parents in real life—to talk candidly about navigating the teenage years. The trio dives into the challenges and joys of raising teens, from shifting relationships and independence struggles to getting real about boundaries, co-parenting, and even tackling tween hygiene. Listeners get practical advice, genuine stories, and plenty of laughs—all delivered in the same judgment-free, relatable tone that defines this podcast.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Parenting Teens: The Push-Pull Dynamic

• Shifting Independence

  • Teens often oscillate between wanting independence and craving comfort.
  • Ty Burrell: “Especially my youngest 14 year old who can seem like she never wants to talk to me again, ever... And then I’ll hear from the bedroom, ‘Can I get a tuck in?’ And you’re like, oh, okay.” (01:06)

• Missing the Little Moments

  • Both guests reflect on the bittersweet reality of those “lasts”: last time a child crawls in bed, last time they sit on your lap, etc.
  • Julie Bowen: “You never know when the last time’s going to be... And then one day, it just never happened again.” (09:07)

Communication Strategies

• Getting Teens to Open Up

  • Julie and Ty share strategies:
    • Don’t ask “How was school?”; ask specific or fun questions, e.g. “Who got in trouble today?” (12:24)
    • Use indirect environments (carpooling, side-by-side activities) to spark conversation.
    • Ty finds success with written notes rather than direct talks.
      • Ty Burrell: “More than one like thought at a time is immediately branded a lecture... I’m finding more success with like written notes.” (10:57)

• Letting Teens Lead

  • Sometimes you just need to be present, waiting for them to approach you.
    • Julie Bowen: “The 5% that they do [need you], you cannot predict when it is or what it’s gonna be about. And you wanna be around when it happens.” (09:43)

Boundaries and Parental Authority

• Boundaries as Love

  • Holding boundaries is hard but essential.
    • Ty Burrell: “My mom was a teacher, and she always insisted that kids knew... that boundaries were a form of love.” (17:55)
    • Julie shares how setting limits makes kids feel safer, especially compared to friends without rules. (18:25)

• Resisting the Best-Friend Trap

  • Emotional needs as a parent must be separated from those of your child.
    • Julie Bowen: “Parenting is about being a parent. It’s not about getting your emotional needs met.” (14:46)
    • Ty Burrell: “You have to always have in the back of your mind that, like, we’re still on the job.” (16:40)

Co-Parenting and Divorce

• Honesty With Children

  • Never badmouth the other parent.
    • Julie Bowen: “Never, ever... trash talk your ex... It feels unnatural because when you’re married you always throw each other under the bus. But there’s a little bit of an artificial, like, well, we’re just not gonna talk about that.” (24:50–25:11)

• Validating Their Feelings

  • Keep it real, don’t gloss over their experiences.
    • Julie Bowen: “Validating their reality is the only thing... Just validate the reality. ‘Yeah, that must have been hard.’” (26:09)

• Practical Co-Parenting Tips

  • Use neutral communication tools, shared calendars with color-coding.
    • Julie Bowen: “We have a calendar where everything is on it. Each person has a color.” (27:26)

Raising Boys vs. Girls

• Different Communication Approaches
  • Julie (mom of boys) focuses on indirect conversations and practical questions.
  • Ty (dad of girls) notices written notes work better and that his wife has “more confidential talks.”

Hygiene & Tween Life

• Launching a Skincare Line for Boys

  • Julie Bowen discusses the need for simple, robust products that tween boys will actually use.
    • Julie Bowen: “We made it for tween skin care... literally designed to be idiot proof... The tagline is pits, nuts, butts. If you need to know more.” (21:52)

• Parenting Privacy Paradox

  • The tricky phase when kids want privacy, but still need basic hygiene reminders.

Change & Family Moves

• Moving With Kids

  • Ty’s move to Utah with his family and Dylan’s move from NYC to Long Island.
  • Both stress open communication—even if their own parents never included them in such decisions.
    • Dylan Dreyer: “I talk through everything with my kids... my parents would never include me in the decision if we were moving...” (30:42)

• Cultural Differences in Parenting

  • Ty reflects on how regional upbringing (West vs. East) shapes routines and skills, especially car parenting.

Parenting Fails & Wins

• Everyday Mishaps

  • Hilarious and relatable stories about leaving car doors open, rodents in car seats, and stoves accidentally left lit.
    • “My neighbors would come by and be like, it looks like you were raptured, like your car is... And I was like, oh, it’s fine.” – Julie Bowen (32:07)

• Wins

  • Ty: Being present for everyday moments after the move. (35:17)
    • “Even if they are annoyed... still, I have been able to be there for like the quotidian... day in, day to day stuff.”
  • Julie: Hearing from other families how polite and helpful her kids are. (36:05)
    • “They got up and washed the dishes without anyone asking... So you don’t always get it to your face, but you get it.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Sudden Affection From Teens:

  • Ty Burrell (01:06 & 10:13):
    • “She can seem like she never wants to talk to me again, ever... And then I’ll hear from the bedroom, ‘Can I get a tuck in?’”

• On Parenting Not Meeting Emotional Needs:

  • Julie Bowen (14:46):
    • “Parenting is about being a parent. It’s not about getting your emotional needs met.”

• On Boundaries:

  • Ty Burrell (17:55):
    • “Boundaries are a form of love.”

• On Co-Parenting:

  • Julie Bowen (24:50):
    • “Never, ever... trash talk your ex. There’s times when I’ve wanted to throw him under the bus. But there’s a little bit of an artificial, like, well, we’re just not gonna talk about that.”

• On Change:

  • Dylan Dreyer (closing):
    • “Change is a part of life. Everything changes, but some things have to stay the same. You as a parent, continue to show that love, continue to be there for your children, so that as things are changing all around us, there’s still a sense of calm and a sense of normalcy. And, you know, sometimes you just have to laugh with the changes along the way too.” (37:00)

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Important Timestamps

• Teens Seeking Comfort Amid Independence:
  • 01:06, 10:13, 10:33 — Ty shares about his daughter still wanting a tuck-in.
• Talking With Teen Boys:
  • 12:07–13:11 — Julie’s strategies for engaging her sons.
• Parenting Post-Divorce & Co-Parenting Advice:
  • 23:50–28:21 — Julie’s honest talk on validation, boundaries, and communication systems.
• Moving, Change, and Family Dynamics:
  • 30:08–31:59 — Ty and Dylan on relocating families and adapting.
• Parenting Wins:
  • 35:17–36:42 — Heartwarming closing remarks from Ty and Julie.

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Final Takeaways

This episode is a treasure trove for parents of teens (or future teens). Julie and Ty bring warmth, vulnerability, and plenty of laughs to the reality of letting go, holding on, and finding your footing through the chaos. From practical life hacks to deep truths about boundaries and co-parenting, every parent will find themselves nodding, laughing, and maybe even tearing up.

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For more from Julie and Ty, check out the GSK video on awareness for meningitis vaccines at GSK’s YouTube and Ask2BeSure.com.

Transcript

[Julie Bowen]

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[Dylan Dreyer]

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[Ty Burrell]

I can have my. Especially my youngest 14 year old who can seem like she never wants to talk to me again, ever. She wants me out of her life. And then I'll hear from the bedroom, can I get a tuck in? And you're like, oh, okay. So there's.

[Dylan Dreyer]

And everything drops.

[Ty Burrell]

There's a little like. You're like, I want nothing to do with you. But I'm.

[Julie Bowen]

I'm not really.

[Ty Burrell]

I'm not. I'm not ready to be on my own.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Hi, guys. Thanks for tuning in to another episode of the Parent Chat. My guests today are, from Modern Family, the perfect parents, Claire and Phil Dunphy, better known as Julie Bowen, and Ty Burrell. Julie is the mom to three teenage boys. She is my future. And Ty is dad to two teenage girls. They've been through a lot of changes. They've seen their kids go from those cuddly little children into those bigger teenagers who maybe don't talk to you as much. I love their perspective on change and how important it is to who we are going to become. So here's my conversation with Ty and Julie. I'm such a fan of both of yours and thank you. I'm so excited that you guys are back together again. This is kind of scratches the itch of, like, wanting a reunion.

[Ty Burrell]

Oh, man.

[Julie Bowen]

Oh, I'd still do a reunion. Don't worry. I'm only speaking for me and me alone, but.

[Ty Burrell]

Oh, I think it'd be fun.

[Julie Bowen]

I do.

[Ty Burrell]

Really fun.

[Julie Bowen]

But this is fun. I mean, it is fun. We partnered together with GSK to do this really fun episode. We both have teenagers and, you know, 16 to 23 of these, like really important years.

[Ty Burrell]

Why does my daughter keep calling me bruh?

[Julie Bowen]

When Ty texted me and I quote, is meningitis a city in Greece? I thought this was something we should take seriously. Because Honestly, I wasn't 100% sure what meningitis was either. See, I'm really neurotic. I don't know if that comes across to you at all. I'm pretty uptight and neurotic. And so when I was asked about whether or not my now 19 year old, but 18 year old freshman in college had gotten his meningitis vaccines, and I was like, well, yeah. Cause on my yellow card.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Wait, you still keep that? I don't know where my yellow card is.

[Julie Bowen]

You gotta know where I still have mine. I have my yellow card in mine. I have my kids, I get all those. Hot tip. Take a picture of it.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Well, that makes more sense.

[Julie Bowen]

That's it, right? But I went and found it because it was in a file and was like, yeah, he's good because he had meningitis. A, C, Y, W. And I'm like, great. And they're like, b, the one he

[Dylan Dreyer]

didn't have the one.

[Julie Bowen]

B is the one that we're talking about right now.

[Ty Burrell]

I think that's kind of common.

[Julie Bowen]

I mean, I know that once I realized I was like, but if I'm so neurotic and I didn't know about this, who else doesn't know about this? That's not a good thing.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Right? So your kids are teens now, but going back to modern family days, I mean, what was that, 2009 at 2020?

[Julie Bowen]

2009 to 2020.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Yeah. I mean, doing the math, you guys were in the thick of parenting young children while you were starring on this mega hit show.

[Ty Burrell]

The timeline is crazy. She was pregnant during the pilot.

[Julie Bowen]

Were you really the twins who turned 17 today? Oh, my gosh. I was pregnant with them on the pilot. Yeah. Wow.

[Dylan Dreyer]

And then did you like, put weird things in front of your belly?

[Julie Bowen]

Yeah. If you look back. Yeah. I'm like, there's a lot of me, like peeking around doors.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Yeah.

[Julie Bowen]

Yeah. And Nolan, who played Luke, was my baby blocker because he came up to just the right height. Yeah.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Oh, that's funny. I know. Were you. Were you nervous about being pregnant as you're doing the pilot? Did you think that would ever impact your job at all?

[Julie Bowen]

No.

[Dylan Dreyer]

No.

[Julie Bowen]

I mean, I can't imagine. I was like, just give me a job. I don't care what the job. I'm Like, I wanted this job. Yeah, I really wanted this job. But no, no, I also couldn't wait to get those. I love my children, but I like them better out than in. And you know, they were like, you have to take it easy. You got twins. I was going to Ikea and like lifting boxes and like anything, just like get them out. Let's go. Yeah, it was a lot. I was ready for them to be out.

[Dylan Dreyer]

I had like Mexican food the night before my was born. It was like the classic, you know, ate something spicy and went into labor. Water break.

[Julie Bowen]

Really? That doesn't really.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Apparently it worked that I think it was just more coincidence than anything else. But yeah, who knew? So Ty, how did you balance, you know, your fame and popularity? You've got young kids at home and you know, you have a time commitment to the show, but you also have your time commitment to home too. How did you balance? Do you remember those days?

[Ty Burrell]

Well, we were so lucky because our job was incredibly civilized during that stretch. We were, I mean we were sort of like the envy of the Fox lot because everybody else who was working there. What was it? It was. Oh my God.

[Julie Bowen]

The Ryan Murphy Show.

[Ty Burrell]

Ryan Murphy show. But it was also like the procedural, the 911.

[Julie Bowen]

No, Bones.

[Ty Burrell]

Bones.

[Julie Bowen]

Bones was Nexus. And people would stop us and be like, hey, hey, wait, you guys rap at lunch?

[Ty Burrell]

Yeah.

[Dylan Dreyer]

You had great hours.

[Ty Burrell]

Oh, it was unbelievable. It was unbelievable. And then Julie and I would then go prompt, take a nap and.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Before you went home?

[Ty Burrell]

Before we went home?

[Julie Bowen]

Yeah. I mean not rush.

[Ty Burrell]

Yeah, we're not, we're not dumb. Dumbs. Yeah, we're filming till five today but, but always home. I mean not always, but often home for dinner. It really like, it absolutely spoiled me and all of us, I think.

[Dylan Dreyer]

I mean I, I go into work fairly early for the Today show, but you know, if I don't have a shoot or anything, I'm done at 10 o'. Clock. I'm always there to pick up kids from school.

[Ty Burrell]

That's amazing.

[Dylan Dreyer]

I cook dinner for them every night. Like it just, it's a sense of normalcy.

[Julie Bowen]

Wait till you. They're teenagers though, and they're out really late and you're like, I cannot stay awake. Mommy has to get up at three.

[Ty Burrell]

Yeah. What time do you have to get up?

[Dylan Dreyer]

I get up. I mean this morning I got up at 3:55.

[Ty Burrell]

Okay, so you're early to bed and.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Yeah, I guess as soon as the kids go to bed it's like 8:30. Although last night was sports, so you know, they don't get home till the game's not over till 8, and then they want to eat a second dinner. Because I try to feed them beforehand, but no, they want to eat afterwards. And then I still have, like, the kids that crawl into my bed.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson 2]

So.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Yeah.

[Julie Bowen]

Which I love that.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Yeah. But. And I do, like. I love snuggling them. I'm not gonna fight it. I'm not gonna, like. Cause I know it ends. But the sideways diagonal sleeping, and there's a lot of kids so angry. I'm like, oh, you have to move. Like, put your legs over there.

[Ty Burrell]

Right.

[Dylan Dreyer]

So, yeah, there's, like, a disrupted sleep happening.

[Julie Bowen]

Yeah, that's a little tough. The sideways sleeping is really tough. But there is a moment when you go, you know, when the bathroom door closes, when they don't crawl in the bed anymore, when they're like. Like, laughing at something and then put their phone away, and you're like.

[Dylan Dreyer]

They don't tell you.

[Julie Bowen]

Your face is up against the glass. You want to tell me what's happening?

[Dylan Dreyer]

What age does that transition happen?

[Ty Burrell]

I feel like it has happened with my older daughter around, like, 14, 13 or 14. She's 16 now, but she is definitely looking for her independence now and is. I am keeping. I am at my arm. I'm at arm's length. Yeah, so you're there here at arm's length. You know, you're there if she needs you. Yeah, hopefully here if she needs me. But she used to, until she was, like, 12, right at the edge of being creepy. She used to come around and at the end of dinner, even in restaurants, would come and sit on my lap after every dinner. Every dinner. Oh, and then there was. And then there was some moment. I think it was 12, when it just stopped happening, and I was like.

[Julie Bowen]

She tried to remember what the last time was.

[Ty Burrell]

No, I don't remember what it was, but for good reason. I mean, she's at 25. You don't want to be sitting on your dad's lock.

[Dylan Dreyer]

I want to go, like, sit on my dad's lap right now.

[Julie Bowen]

I want to, like, go just cuddle

[Dylan Dreyer]

up next to him. I'm obsessed with it.

[Julie Bowen]

You never know when the last time's going to be. I mean, Oliver used to crawl in my bed all the time, and I was like, yeah, it's sideways. You're kicking me. Stop it. Get in your own bed. And then one day, it just never happened again. And I was like. I remember sometimes, like, he'll be home from college, something. I'll go and I'll get on his bed. He goes off and I'm like, you know? I know. But it gets weirder as they right now, your kids need you all the time. There's always somebody who needs to be fed, somebody who's lost their homework, somebody. They always need something. And as they turn into older teenagers, what I found is 95% of the time they don't need you. The 5% that they do, you cannot predict when it is or what it's gonna be about. And you wanna be around when it happens.

[Ty Burrell]

Yeah, totally.

[Julie Bowen]

And you also don't know when the conversation's gonna happen. I feel like a loomer. Suddenly I'm like in the kitchen. I'm not even a baker. I'm like rolling out, I'm slicing, I'm doing the slice and bake cookies. But I'm like constantly in the kitchen. Cause you just wanna be around. You're not sure when that conversation could happen.

[Ty Burrell]

When they'll volunteer something that you think I can have. My, especially my youngest 14 year old who can seem like she never wants to talk to me again, ever. She wants me out of her life. And then I'll hear from the bedroom, can I get a tuck in? And you're like, oh, okay. So there's.

[Dylan Dreyer]

And everything drops.

[Ty Burrell]

There's a little like, you're like, I want nothing to do with you. But I'm like, I'm not. I'm not ready to be on my own.

[Dylan Dreyer]

So I feel like it as a dad must be hard to navigate. Like, how do you offer enough advice, you know? Cause your brain works a little differently than a girl's brain. So it's like, how do you offer the right advice that they can actually take?

[Ty Burrell]

I will say that I'm learning. I hope I'm learning. You know, you learn through mistakes. But I've learned that like more than one like thought at a time is immediately branded a lecture. So like, if I can keep it to one thought, one like simple thought or question, that works way better than me, like trying to work my way through a list of whatever's on my mind. But the other thing, and I don't know if this is maybe true for other dads. I know that my wife is able to have more like confidential talks with them. I'm finding more success with like through written notes.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson 2]

Oh, okay.

[Ty Burrell]

Like, like leaving a note about, you know, but that, that kind of thing seems to like, then they can kind of digest it on their own.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Yes.

[Ty Burrell]

They don't have to feel like they're under my gaze while I, you know, essentially lecture, Lecture them in writing.

[Dylan Dreyer]

In reality, you are.

[Julie Bowen]

Writing is totally different.

[Ty Burrell]

Yeah, yeah.

[Julie Bowen]

It's a completely different thing.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Yeah.

[Ty Burrell]

Yeah.

[Dylan Dreyer]

And what about with boys? Like, how, how do you keep the dialogue going as boys get older? Especially boys.

[Julie Bowen]

It's. I mean, I grew up with only sisters, so I really, really was ill equipped to have only boys. But I did get some helpful, like hints along the way. One of the things I used to always ask when I pick him up at school. Never. I've never said how was school? I have, but I stopped myself.

[Dylan Dreyer]

You learn not to.

[Julie Bowen]

You learn not to. How was school? They go, ugh. When they were younger, I'm like, who got in trouble today? And then they love to tell us to. They love to tell that one day it was one of my kids goes, me. And I was like. I just started laughing because I didn't expect it. I started laughing. And there's something also about talking about somebody else getting in trouble and having you as a parent not go, that's a bad kid. What a horrible child. You're like, yeah, it sounds like he was having a day. It sounds like she was in a mood or, you know, that sounds like maybe the teacher was being harsh to them. When it is them, they know you're like, judge that. Yeah. They know that they're not going to get the. The back. So I, I do love asking who got in trouble.

[Dylan Dreyer]

That's a good question.

[Julie Bowen]

What was lunch?

[Ty Burrell]

Yeah, I asked that one a lot. What was for lunch?

[Julie Bowen]

Yeah, what was for lunch?

[Ty Burrell]

That's a. That, that feels like a easy yes.

[Julie Bowen]

It says it's.

[Dylan Dreyer]

I have to answer. It's not a yes. No.

[Julie Bowen]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Dylan Dreyer]

They actually have to use a word.

[Ty Burrell]

Have you been a carpool parent yet?

[Dylan Dreyer]

I'm. I just bought a minivan, so I'm going to be the carpool.

[Ty Burrell]

I will say that has been amazing. I love being.

[Dylan Dreyer]

I hear you find out a lot.

[Ty Burrell]

They just forget you're there. They gossip with each other in the

[Dylan Dreyer]

car and you just kind of listen

[Ty Burrell]

and you get to hear your kid essentially be themselves. Be themselves.

[Julie Bowen]

Yeah.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Isn't it the best when they're genuine

[Julie Bowen]

self but then they get their license. Yeah, that's where that was the hardest thing because one of mine played soccer and I would draw. Oh my God. Like up at 5am and driving two hours away. And those were my favorite times though because not the whole time, not the two hours there in the tour hours back, but maybe 20 minutes. I would get some great Conversation. Things that I never, ever did.

[Dylan Dreyer]

You ever chime in or you just listen?

[Julie Bowen]

No, no. It would be just me and my son.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Oh, okay.

[Julie Bowen]

And we'd listen to his music and we would talk about it. But then every now and again, he would just, like, pour out with something. And now they all have their licenses, and you're just like, what's.

[Dylan Dreyer]

I don't even know.

[Julie Bowen]

I don't know what's happening. I know it's hard. That part's hard.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Yeah. I read something you had said where you. You're in love and you have this crush, and then that person is just not.

[Julie Bowen]

It's like the very abusive relationship on people.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Like, you're totally here for it, but they're just. They're not.

[Julie Bowen]

It's like if this was Sex in the City and Charlotte was like. And I went out with him, and he didn't even open the door or ask how I was. In fact, he asked. Expected me to get him more food and then yelled at me. You would be like, this is a bad relationship. You gotta get out. You gotta get out. But you're like, okay. Parenting is about being a parent. It's not. It's not about getting your emotional needs met. For me, it's about. And I am divorced, and I get along great with my ex. There are times I wonder. And you could probably answer this. And so can. You're married.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Yes, I'm recently divorced.

[Julie Bowen]

Okay. So great. I just. Right. Is.

[Dylan Dreyer]

No, I was gonna ask you about.

[Julie Bowen]

Can I dig in?

[Dylan Dreyer]

Or I was gonna ask you about it. Cause I feel like you're my crystal ball, but we can get to it.

[Julie Bowen]

Well, no, there's times when it's harder. Cause you're like. All I asked was if you seem like you're sad. And I can tell because you're like, just punched a wall and. Why are you not talking to me and wanting to have my emotional needs met and not having another adult to turn to in those moments? I imagine it's easier in big quotes if you're married.

[Ty Burrell]

I don't know.

[Julie Bowen]

I don't know.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Cause you get to share that.

[Ty Burrell]

I think it probably is. It's a. Yeah. I think that would be really challenging to have to, like, basically be bad cop and then.

[Julie Bowen]

Yeah. And then have nobody to talk to

[Ty Burrell]

and then have nobody to say, like. But. But that is like, I'm. You know. I think we're all in that boat about, like. You were talking about not having your emotional needs met. It's very hard if you're a People pleaser. And you still have to take care of your kids health and safety.

[Julie Bowen]

Yeah.

[Ty Burrell]

You know, you're like, exactly. I have to. You. I want them to be my friend. Which is a crazy thing to say, but, like, this is probably where there's crossover between me and Phil Dunphy. But I do.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

But.

[Ty Burrell]

But, you know, you have to always have in the back of your mind that, like, we're still on the job.

[Julie Bowen]

No, you're always on the job. You're always on the job. And you say, like, I'm sorry that, you know, my job is not to be your friend. My job is to be your parent and set some guidelines and hold you accountable.

[Ty Burrell]

You don't have somebody to.

[Dylan Dreyer]

To bounce.

[Julie Bowen]

And then they walk out of the room and they're like, mutter something horrible under their breast and you're like.

[Dylan Dreyer]

And you have to bite your tongue and just, like, take a deep breath and.

[Julie Bowen]

Well, because you have to remember that your job is to be the parent.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Yeah.

[Ty Burrell]

Right.

[Julie Bowen]

And like, yeah, you know, you got to go find an adult to talk to. You find it. There have been many times I have called by and I will call my ex. Sure. I. Not for necessarily emotional consolation, but, like, usually when it's like, can you freaking believe what this one did? I cannot. I mean, are you getting this at your house? And, like, we will compare notes and stuff, because that's really important.

[Ty Burrell]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dylan Dreyer]

But I mean, all the research says that kids thrive with boundaries. You know, they might fight em at first, but, you know, it's our job as parents to create those boundaries. And that's just the constraints you have to live within.

[Julie Bowen]

Oh, yeah.

[Dylan Dreyer]

You know, and they will be better for it.

[Julie Bowen]

I mean, my mom.

[Ty Burrell]

Oh, sorry.

[Julie Bowen]

No, you go.

[Ty Burrell]

My mom always said. My mom was a teacher, and she always insisted that kids knew. Were smart enough emotionally to know that boundaries were love that she was like, even if you're in a fight, a kid knows intuitively over time that boundaries are a form of love.

[Julie Bowen]

That they're.

[Ty Burrell]

You know, that they're. They're. There is some thing. And sometimes it takes us our whole life to feel that way about our parents. You know, that they were eventually, like, they were loving us by doing that. But.

[Julie Bowen]

But they also. I'm sure your kids have this. And maybe yours are starting to those friends that they don't have boundaries. The kid comes over for a sleepover and, like, they get to do whatever they want. Is like bouncing off the ceiling, breaks a mirror, is. Is like making cookies in the middle of the night, leaves Things everywhere, whatever. And they're like, whoa, dude, you can't.

[Dylan Dreyer]

That's not.

[Julie Bowen]

You can't do that. Like, my mom's gonna freak out and

[Dylan Dreyer]

it's nine o', clock, we have to go to bed.

[Julie Bowen]

And they get. They get. It makes them stressed. We've had a roll through and my kids have gone. Like, one of my children is very high emotional intelligence, and he'll be like, thank you for having boundaries. The other two, they say it with their eyes. You know, it's in there. They say it inside. But one of them actually says, thank you for having boundaries. Like that. Having that kid over was really a mess, like, chaotic, and I didn't like it.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Yeah.

[Ty Burrell]

We also had a similar experience recently with a. A kind of a storm that went through our house. And it was just more beneficial to our family than almost anything.

[Julie Bowen]

Yeah.

[Ty Burrell]

Just having. Just see how it could be presence come through your house and you were kind of like. Even they were like, that was too much for us. That was too much. It was too much.

[Dylan Dreyer]

I'm glad they realized that.

[Julie Bowen]

Yeah. It's not fun. It turns out it's not that fun when it's. You're like, I actually like it. I like this stable.

[Ty Burrell]

Yeah.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Stay with us. We'll be right back after the break.

[Etsy Narrator]

Looking for a gift to make Dad's day. Shop Etsy for all his favorites, like personalized golf accessories, a handmade leather camping bag, or an original apron for those summer nights at the grill. We can't count the ways your dad means the world to you, but you can count on Etsy to help you find a gift that will make him feel seen. Celebrate dad with original Father's Day gifts on Etsy. Celebrate being human.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

And Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual, even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson 2]

Hey, everyone, check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

Oh, no.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson 3]

We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson 2]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson 3]

Anyways, get a [e-mail] or with your local agent.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson 2]

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.

[Etsy Narrator]

For my family, I'm always at my best. That's why I also want the best in my kitchen. And that means only Eggland's best eggs. They're always so fresh tasting and delicious with 6 times more vitamin D, 10 times more vitamin E, and 25% less saturated fat than ordinary eggs. So why give your family less when they can have the best Egglands best? Better taste, better nutrition, better eggs. For added convenience, look for our hard cooked, peeled eggs.

[Dylan Dreyer]

You have a skincare line, right?

[Etsy Narrator]

Yeah.

[Julie Bowen]

For 14, 18 boys. I was thinking when you said they all smelled and stuff, I was like, I gotta send her some of my JB scrub. I had something for you.

[Dylan Dreyer]

So genius. Because like my nine year old, he had a pimple the other day and I'm like, immediately throwing all of my face care stuff at him.

[Julie Bowen]

And I'm like, you're like $700 serum.

[Dylan Dreyer]

He's like, what do I do with this? You know? And it's like. Then the bottle looks like a toothpaste bottle. So, like one of the other ones used it as toothpaste and it's just like.

[Julie Bowen]

No, we. We made it for Tween skin care. Skin and body care for Tween and teen boys. That was like literally designed to be idiot proof. Like, we were testing bottles and we would slap at them at the pump if it flipped over. That was. No, couldn't. Couldn't do it. It has to be like, sturdy. Each color. Like, they're bright colors. The tagline is pits, nuts, butts. If you need to know more. Because that's what. Because at a point we were talking about they close the door, the door closes, and somewhere the bathroom door closes. You're like, are they doing it right now? What are you doing in there? Because you're not coming out any cleaner.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson 2]

Yeah.

[Dylan Dreyer]

And the towel smells like. It's just.

[Julie Bowen]

Everything is nasty. I used to sit outside the door of the bathro going and knock. And they go, mom, I've got it. And I'm like, pits, nuts, butts. In that order.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Yeah.

[Julie Bowen]

And so I just. It was co. So I made some in that order. It's never too late for job.

[Dylan Dreyer]

It is like a weird age, though, because they want their privacy, but you still need to guide them on.

[Ty Burrell]

Yeah.

[Dylan Dreyer]

I'll never forget my brother had issues right when he was a teenager and my dad was like, you stink. Like, you just. You don't smell good. I have to watch you take a shower because I don't think you know how to do it. And he like, he's screaming, no, this is so unfair. I can't believe you. But I mean, there has to be this point where an adult needs to.

[Ty Burrell]

Right.

[Dylan Dreyer]

So that you do it correctly or

[Julie Bowen]

somebody yells outside the door. Yeah, the orange bomb.

[Dylan Dreyer]

I know. I feel like she helps me to

[Ty Burrell]

shower and I still Smell.

[Julie Bowen]

And sometimes you just. You take the soap and you just drop it. No, no, no, no.

[Ty Burrell]

That's what this, that's what this means, right?

[Julie Bowen]

No tie.

[Ty Burrell]

Rub it and then get out of the shower.

[Julie Bowen]

No, no tie, no tie. Get the soap. Yeah, we all, we all need a little help.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Yeah.

[Julie Bowen]

Yeah.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Since you did bring up divorce, I wanted to talk to you about it because I'm recently divorced. My kids are young.

[Julie Bowen]

How old are they when you got divorced?

[Dylan Dreyer]

I'm scaries, kind of like right around now. So like this is all fairly new. I mean, and I joke that you're like my crystal ball. Like you have three like well rounded boys.

[Julie Bowen]

That's what you think?

[Dylan Dreyer]

I mean, how, how do you get to that point, like, tell me everything's gonna be okay and I didn't just like screw my kids up.

[Julie Bowen]

No, you didn't screw them up at all. Especially. What's your. How old's your oldest?

[Dylan Dreyer]

Nine.

[Julie Bowen]

Yeah, mine were eight. Eight and ten, I think when we started living separately and they now tell me all of them were like, I can't believe you and dad were ever married. And I was like for a decade of your life. 10 years. I don't expect you to remember all of it, but they're like, I don't even remember that. That's just so weird. Stunning. Also. Never, ever, ever. And you know this, you never trash talk your ex.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson 2]

Right.

[Julie Bowen]

And there's times when you that I'm sure he's wanted to say horrible things about me. I'm sure there's times when I wanted to throw him under the bus. It's. At times it feels unnatural because when

[Ty Burrell]

you're married you always throw each other under the bus.

[Julie Bowen]

Right? Am I right?

[Ty Burrell]

Always.

[Julie Bowen]

But there is like, well, your mom forgot to buy the chariot.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Yes.

[Julie Bowen]

You know what I mean?

[Dylan Dreyer]

Like just little comments.

[Julie Bowen]

And when you're divorced, there is a little bit of an artificial, like, well, we're just not gonna talk about that, I would imagine.

[Ty Burrell]

I mean, it seems like really good practice like that you need full authority from both figures, no matter what. Right?

[Dylan Dreyer]

Right. You can't diminish anything they're doing.

[Julie Bowen]

Right. You don't dep. Diminish it. And you have to realize like no matter how what your feelings are in your divorce. And I'm sure I'm saying things you already know. This is their dad.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Yeah.

[Julie Bowen]

And I love that my ex is my kid's dad.

[Dylan Dreyer]

My kids love him.

[Julie Bowen]

And over time, you know, there's different phases and there's different pushing back and Playing one off against the other. I got one that's really smart and he's like. Just doesn't end run. Like, can feel a no coming over here. So he quickly goes to the yes somewhere else. But that's just nor. I mean, they do that in every.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Yeah. Kids are gonna do that.

[Julie Bowen]

Right? Kids are gonna do that no matter what. But I think that validating their reality is the only thing is like the operative phrase that has saved me that my therapist told me. Like, like, well, what if they say that XYZ happened and. And I agree. Or. Or. And it's like, just validate the reality. Just validate the reality. Yeah. That must. That must have been hard.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Yeah.

[Julie Bowen]

And validate the reality and. And that's all you can do. Because otherwise telling. Being like, no, it's great. Everything's great.

[Dylan Dreyer]

It's great.

[Julie Bowen]

It's perfect. That doesn't.

[Dylan Dreyer]

They're not feeling that.

[Julie Bowen]

Yeah.

[Dylan Dreyer]

And then they know it's gonna work out. Yeah.

[Julie Bowen]

Right.

[Dylan Dreyer]

What would be your best advice when it comes to co parenting? You know, besides not trash talking the other person? I mean, how. How do you make that work?

[Julie Bowen]

You have to figure out what your strengths are. And. And you have to figure out a system that works for. Has no interest in. He'll talk on the phone, but he to me. And we'll have long conversations. Perfectly nice. But he doesn't think he needs to reply to a text. Different strokes. I was like, would you mind terribly keeping your red. You know, the red. You know, what is it called?

[Ty Burrell]

Yeah, I know what you mean.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Yeah.

[Julie Bowen]

The thing that says that they've read the message on. Right. To let me know that you've at least received it.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Yeah.

[Julie Bowen]

And he's like, okay, okay. So it's like finding those little workarounds. We have a calendar where everything is on it. Each person has a color.

[Dylan Dreyer]

It's chaotic, but it's crazy. I'm the same way.

[Ty Burrell]

That's really smart in different households.

[Julie Bowen]

Colors. If you need to. Like, if you don't want to know. Right. Right now Oliver's putting on his econ class, and I'm like, I'm just going to turn that color off right now. I don't need to know when your econ class is.

[Dylan Dreyer]

It's already cluttered enough.

[Julie Bowen]

Right. It's very cluttered. And are you really going to econ class? But. But yeah, doing things like that is really important because then it's, you know, everybody's accountable as much as the schedules change or whatever else. If you're like, I'm really sorry I forgot to put it on the calendar. I just put it on where the play date is, where, when practices or whatever else. Finding those ways to communicate that don't have to be face to face or long conversation because sometimes you just don't feel like it.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Right? More of the parent chat after the break.

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[Etsy Narrator]

hello from Etsy. So we've got a pretty personal question. What moments mean the most to you? Big firsts, like your first home, baby or pet. Or what about hosting a party, getting a freelance gig, or ending a toxic relationship? One moment isn't bigger than the other. They're all special. And for each one, there's an Etsy seller who makes and picks the perfect piece, like custom drinkware, personalized portraits, jewelry, and more. Celebrate your moments and celebrate being human with Etsy

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

and Doug. There's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting. Sitting front row at a comedy show.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson 2]

Hey, everyone, check out this guy and his bird. What is this your first date?

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

Oh, no.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson 3]

We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Together.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson 2]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson 3]

Anyways, get a [e-mail] or with your local agent.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson 2]

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Ty. After Modern Family, you actually picked up your family and moved to Utah?

[Ty Burrell]

We did.

[Dylan Dreyer]

I mean, I just moved my family from New York City to Long island and I thought that was, you know, enough change for them. But I mean, Utah and la, not quite the same.

[Ty Burrell]

Similar, but I just, we love it there. It's really been, it's been an amazing time.

[Dylan Dreyer]

How old were your kids when you moved?

[Ty Burrell]

11 and 9.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Were you worried about that transition?

[Ty Burrell]

A little bit. A little bit. But we were. We have family there on both sides. We kind of knew that we had that safety net.

[Dylan Dreyer]

It's interesting because I feel like I don't know if it's this generation or what, but I talk through everything with my Kids, you know, like, my parents would never include me in the decision if we were moving. And I'm like, you know, guys, I think we're going to move out of the city. You're starting to get bigger. You smell like. It's just. I don't want to live in an apartment in the city anymore. Sports are getting busy. Like, I felt like it was months of leading up to preparing them for this. Moved to, like, 20 miles away.

[Ty Burrell]

Right.

[Dylan Dreyer]

But it was the right decision, you know, And I feel like, as parents, we have to trust that, you know, gut feeling.

[Ty Burrell]

Where did you grow up?

[Dylan Dreyer]

In New Jersey.

[Ty Burrell]

Okay, so was your.

[Dylan Dreyer]

You weren't moving there.

[Julie Bowen]

You weren't moving there? No, no. I'll tell you. I know the way a map goes in. You went in the opposite direction.

[Ty Burrell]

Yes, I know how a map.

[Julie Bowen]

You were right in the middle, and you could have.

[Dylan Dreyer]

But no, no, no, no.

[Ty Burrell]

I feel like the big divider for New York City, though, is, like, were you raised. I was raised as a Westerner. And so all of the parenting skills rotate around a car. Like, sports stuff out of a car, equipment in the trunk.

[Dylan Dreyer]

I grew up that way, too.

[Ty Burrell]

And even though I kind of wanted to raise our kids in New York, I don't have that skill set. It's like, I need. I need a trunk.

[Julie Bowen]

Yeah.

[Dylan Dreyer]

I'm loving it right now. It is so fun.

[Julie Bowen]

You're gonna enjoy that minivan.

[Ty Burrell]

I do.

[Julie Bowen]

Hot tip, though. You gotta close the doors at the end of the.

[Dylan Dreyer]

I have gone out in the morning, and one of the sliding doors open.

[Julie Bowen]

Oh, I mean, your back. Because I had twins. Yeah. And, you know, I was in, like, really, really structured about naps because that was the only time I got down, too. So we would run back from the zoo or the play date or the museum or whatever. And, like, my ex would be carrying one baby, I'd be carrying the other. Running into the house to get them into for nap time, changing diapers and forget all about the doors being open. We had a driveway that was a little bit removed from the street, but my neighbors would come by and be like, it looks like you were raptured, like your car is. And I was like, oh, it's fine. And we would both play the game. We would both play the game of, like. Well, I think Scott closed the car doors and he would go. I think Julie did. Because really, what we liked is that the birds would go and eat all the Cheerios and the salads.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson 2]

Out of the car.

[Julie Bowen]

Out of the car. And we didn't have to clean and.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Yeah.

[Julie Bowen]

Until we found a rat living inside one of the car seats. No, it was a small rat, but I was like, well, that's a wrap. On leaving the door.

[Ty Burrell]

Oh, my gosh.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Oh, my gosh.

[Julie Bowen]

It seemed like a great idea. I was like, this is the best.

[Dylan Dreyer]

I mean, it's like your own natural vacuum.

[Julie Bowen]

They are just. They get all those little things that you are just. You can't even get in there.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Yeah. The vacuum doesn't even get in.

[Ty Burrell]

You are going to love this because you know how terrible my hearing is. But I have twice in the last, like three years gone and had a full meal with my car still on. Like, you know, the car has like. Nowadays they just have like. It's like a switch or whatever. And I'll forget to hit the switch and come back out. And the car is running like, because I can't. I couldn't hear. I know. You know?

[Julie Bowen]

Yeah.

[Ty Burrell]

But now have hearing aids.

[Julie Bowen]

But I left my room on for a week.

[Ty Burrell]

Oh, that's amazing.

[Julie Bowen]

How about that? I went out of town. I went out of town and came back and was watering plants outside and I was like, it was a cool day. And I'm like, there's something warm. Oh, my God. And I quickly did the math and I was like, it has been seven days since I last grilled. I'm so lucky the house was still there.

[Ty Burrell]

Thank goodness.

[Julie Bowen]

Yeah.

[Dylan Dreyer]

I will sometimes, like, put the stove on low. And, you know, whenever you take that pot off, like, you don't even notice that it's on in my mouth.

[Ty Burrell]

Yeah.

[Julie Bowen]

Bringing the pot.

[Dylan Dreyer]

My mom got so mad at me. She's like, that is so irresponsible. You have three kids in the house. Like, what if your house exploded? Like, there's just. There's so many things wrong with this. And then she was staying with me a couple weeks ago, and she did it. She did the same exact thing. And this is why she didn't go

[Julie Bowen]

back to New Jersey. Yeah. This was. This was the turn to Long Island. I don't want to get into it.

[Dylan Dreyer]

My problem with leaving the car doors open is Rusty being the four year old, I just assume he can do everything, you know, because, like, the other kids have gone through it. And it's his responsibility to hit the button to shut the door. So it's actually Rusty's fault that my doors stay open.

[Julie Bowen]

That's his. That's his fault. Like, blame the youngest. Yes.

[Dylan Dreyer]

He's getting blamed.

[Julie Bowen]

It's your job.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Yeah, exactly. We like to end on like a Parenting win something that you really feel like I'm crushing this parenting thing. I've got this.

[Ty Burrell]

Gosh, I don't know if I feel like I'm crushing anything right now. I will say being there, I mean that part. I really feel grateful for our move to Utah and that it has worked out that I got to be in a similar position that I had with my dad. I lost my dad when I was young, and I really value those years. And you know, if nothing else, even if they are annoyed by this period in their lives, still, I have been able to be there for like the quotidian, just day in, day to day stuff, you know, that's a weird thing to say as a victory, but I'll

[Dylan Dreyer]

call it huge victory. Yeah. And they appreciate that.

[Julie Bowen]

I'd have to say my win is. It's always. It's either a long game or it's indirect. It's not like, mom, thank you for letting me wash these dishes. Like, what a valuable life lesson about giving back and participating. But they'll go to somebody's house and I'll get a call or a text from the family the next saying, your children are so delightful. They got up and washed the dishes without anyone asking. I'm like, thank you. Thank you. Yeah, so you don't always get it to your face, but you get it.

[Dylan Dreyer]

Compliments from other parents go a long way.

[Julie Bowen]

Yeah, it really, it really matters. Yeah.

[Dylan Dreyer]

You guys are so great. Thank you so much.

[Ty Burrell]

We do want to encourage parents to go to GSK's YouTube and or ask to be sure.com to check out that video. So hopefully it's funny. Hopefully it, it's educational, but.

[Julie Bowen]

But it's.

[Ty Burrell]

Thanks for having us.

[Dylan Dreyer]

No, it really, it's like a bonus episode. I mean, it's like something we all wanted and it's an important topic that you're raising awareness about. And I mean, you guys crushed it. Oh, I just loved this conversation with them. I mean, they just seem so down to earth and I. I just want to be friends with them. I think the takeaway here is that change is a part of life. Everything changes, but some things have to stay the same. You as a parent, continue to show that love, continue to be there for your children, so that as things are changing all around us, there's still a sense of calm and a sense of normaly. And, you know, sometimes you just have to laugh with the changes along the way too. I want to hear what you think about today's episode. Send me a message on Instagram at Dylan Dreyer, NBC or Ooday, Parents. We'd love for you to join the chat. We'll see you next time. Bye. Bye. This episode was produced by Ann Legamayo, with video production by Andy Tavares. Rachel. Paula Abramson is our parenting reporter. Our senior producer is Tyree Nobles. Our audio engineer is Joe Ploy. Our head of audio production is Jessica Fenton. Ashley Domagola is our production manager. Sadie Bass is our supervising producer. Ariana Davis is the executive editor of the Today Show. I'm Dylan Dreyer, and this has been the Parent Chat, a production of the Today Show. See you next week.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

And Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson 2]

Hey, everyone. Check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

Oh, no.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson 3]

We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Together.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson 2]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson 3]

Anyways, get a [e-mail] or with your local agent.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson 2]

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.