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The Pediatrician Next Door - Simple Advice on Parenting and Family Health
Ep. 141: Does Sex Education Belong in School?
00:25:44
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- [00:01]
Dr. Wendy Hunter
What?
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Dr. Eva Goldfarb
I bought a new Blink Mini 2K smart security camera. What? I got 2K clarity, sharp enough to.
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Dr. Wendy Hunter
See every detail of home when I'm away.
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Dr. Eva Goldfarb
Plus audio like I'm in the room, not with my bestie traveling to another city.
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Dr. Wendy Hunter
Plus easy plugins set up to install.
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Dr. Eva Goldfarb
Faster than skipping through podcast ads. But you'd never Skip ads, right? Plus I got all of this for just $49.99. Blink Mini 2K mini camera max performance.
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Dr. Wendy Hunter
Shop now@Amazon.com Blink Hey, Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile.
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Dr. Eva Goldfarb
Now I don't know if you've heard, but Mint's Premium Wireless is $15 a month. But I'd like to offer one other perk. We have no stores. That means no small talk. Crazy weather we're having. No, it's not. It's just weather. It is an introvert's dream. Give it a try@mintmobile.com switch upfront.
- [00:54]
Dr. Wendy Hunter
Came in a $45 for a 3 month plan. $15 per month equivalent required. New customer offer first 3 months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See Mintmobile. Ah, I'm going to talk about sex today. I hope it's not awkward. I'm kind of nervous. Hi, I'm Dr. Wendy Hunter and this is the pediatrician next door. If you're new here, welcome. This show exists because parenting doesn't come with a manual. Every week I take on the mysteries of childhood. The questions that parents whisper or Google at 2 o' clock in the morning or secretly hope another parent is going to ask for. First, I mix the science I know as a pediatrician with the reality I see every day in clinic. And we're going to make sense of it all. Take this for example. A mom just told me she overheard her 13 year old son at a sleepover confidently telling his friends that girls can't get pregnant if they're standing up. She and I both had so many questions. Does he even know how girls get pregnant? Where did he hear this? And is this what they're teaching in health class? I thought we were teaching abstinence now. Of course, this mom didn't know exactly where to start, so she told dad he needed to talk to his son. And you can guess how that went. Dad said, hey buddy, I heard you had some questions about the birds and the bees. Is there anything you want to talk about? That's exactly what he sounded like. And guess what?
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Dr. Eva Goldfarb
No.
- [02:23]
Dr. Wendy Hunter
No questions. The kid had no questions. So here's my question. How bad is this really? I mean, it kind of seems fine to me. If a 13 year old boy doesn't want to talk to his dad and doesn't really know anything accurate about sex, does he really need to know right now? Anyway, it's kind of charming, his lack of understanding and obvious curiosity, but I know kids are encountering this stuff. There's a lot of content on TV and probably in video games and online and. And kids talk about this stuff. I'm not sure we really have any idea what our kids are encountering, but it does seem kids are getting less education in school than ever. I can tell you 29 states require some form of sex education in school, but only 11 of those require that it's medically accurate. Yep. And 30 states mandate that schools stress abstinence in any education that they do provide. So should we care what happens when kids don't get sex education in school? Do they just figure it out on their own? I hope so. Or does them not learning anything from people who know more than them alter the course of their lives? I'll tell you, I've had a few too many of my patients have unwanted encounters and even assaults. So I'm thinking maybe this does matter. We're gonna find out with the help of an expert who has spent her entire career studying exactly this. And that's next. I'm Dr. Wendy Hunter and I'm the pediatrician next door. I'm that doctor friend you call for practical advice about your kids health. I mix the science of medicine with the reality of parenting. We all know that kids are naturally curious and let's face it, they're awkwardly creative when it comes to figuring out how our bodies work. But what if the main teachers are TikTok and older siblings? Or the kid in gym class who thinks he knows it all? I talked to Dr. Eva Goldfarb. She's a professor of public health at Montclair State University. And she told me what really happens when schools teach sex education. That's her area of expertise. Yes, there are actual experts in this and I found one. Here she is.
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Dr. Eva Goldfarb
Sex education that is started early, as early as kindergarten, that is sequential, age appropriate, and delivered sometimes throughout the curriculum and throughout grades in a planned way. Reduces child sex abuse. Reduces intimate partner violence. Reduces sexual harassment and bullying, including homophobic bullying and harassment. Improves communication skills with peers, parents, medical providers and partners. But it also develops important life skills that will help in many, many areas of a young person's life. It improves things like compassion, empathy, agency, the sense that I have control over my own body, decision making, skills, the ability to enter into and maintain healthy relationships. And on top of that, it also improves media literacy. In today's age, when so much information about sex and sexuality is available on the Internet, being able to discriminate between science based, evidence based, accurate websites and those that are misleading is really important. So what we found is that it also helps young people to feel safer to stay in school longer. And this is especially true for LGBTQ young people and other marginalized young people. But that all young people feel safer and have greater sexual health.
- [06:26]
Dr. Wendy Hunter
That was not quite the impact I expected. I will say that sounds really good. There is nothing I want more than for my own kids to have healthy adult relationships. And yes, I'll admit it's because I want to be a grandmother. So it's not just the birds and the bees. Dr. Goldfarb listed a whole flock of life skills that she found from her research. Think about it. Learning how to say no, I don't want to hug right now in kindergarten. That's the training wheels version of consent. I've talked about this before. By high school, that foundation helps them navigate trickier conversations and relationships in some way. I hate to compare it this way, but teaching life skills is not that different than teaching math. You don't just jump into algebra before learning how to count to 10. Unless you want a generation of very confused middle schoolers. So maybe we do need to talk about these issues through the ages. However, if you've been to a school board meeting, you'd think sex ed is the most divisive topic since pineapple on pizza. What does Dr. Goldfarb have to say about that? Not the pizza, about the school board meetings.
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Dr. Eva Goldfarb
Small but vocal opposition to sex education portrays sex education as controversial. But that is not what the research tells us. There are decades of studies of polls at the local, state and national level that show that the overwhelming majority of adults and voters, by the way, support comprehensive sex education in middle and high school that includes topics such as pregnancy prevention, safer sex, STI prevention, birth control, including abstinence, but also sexual orientation, consent and healthy relationships. And this support goes across the political spectrum, equally strong among Republicans and Democrats and across geographic location, regardless of a state's political leanings or policies around sex education. So it's actually not controversial topic if you look at the research.
- [08:47]
Dr. Wendy Hunter
Really, Most parents want sex ed? Apparently they say they do when they're asked anonymously for a research study. Just don't tell the other football moms. This is really surprising to me. We hear so much opposition to this kind of education in schools. But if you look at the research, it's just that the noisiest people in the room make it sound controversial. We don't all agree with them. We're just quiet about it. And that quiet majority matters, because if most of us actually support sex ed in schools, maybe the real question isn't should it be taught? But how? What does it actually look like? So what are we even talking about when we say comprehensive sex ed? Is it condoms in kindergarten? I don't think so. Here's how Dr. Goldfarb explains it.
- [09:38]
Dr. Eva Goldfarb
Formal education that begins early and that builds sequentially throughout a young person's life. It takes a much more holistic view of sexual health and a much broader view than merely the absence of unintended pregnancy and disease. It really goes into the knowledge and skills that young people can develop to help them have healthier, safe, enjoyable, respectful relationships throughout their lifetime. And what the research tells us is that just like every other education area, sex education is most effective when it started early, with foundational concepts that set the stage for more challenging, difficult concepts and discussions in middle and high school. So just as no one would ever suggest that we introduce math for the first time with 8th grade algebra, the same is true for sex education. The kinds of things that are taught in early years of elementary school are things like body integrity. Every child gets to decide what they do with their own body and who gets to hug them. If I tell you I don't want to hug you, then you have to respect that. That sets the stage for later conversations about sexual consent.
- [11:03]
Dr. Wendy Hunter
It makes so much sense, right? Start small. Build up like training wheels before a bike ride. But here's the catch. Not every school is putting kids on that bike. Some don't start at all, and others give them a unicycle with no instructions. I think I'm taking this analogy too far. So next we're going to find out what happens when sex ed is skipped or watered down right after this quick break. Are you drinking enough water every day? I used to think just drinking more water was enough, but after a long day at work or being outside with my kids, I kind of felt drained. That's when I started using CURE hydration packs. And the difference was obvious. Cure is science backed and uses the same proven ratio of electrolytes as an IV drip. So it really works. It's plant based, has no added sugar and only 25 calories. Which means I don't have to worry about giving my body junk. I'm a fan of berry pomegranate flavor. But my kids love the watermelon flavor and I don't blame them. It's light and refreshing. For my listeners, especially busy parents and student athletes, you're going to love how Cure makes it easy to stay hydrated without the syrupy sweetness of sports drinks. Staying hydrated isn't just about water. You do also need electrolytes. That's why I love cure. It's clean, tastes great, and actually works for pediatrician next door listeners. You can get 20% off your first order at curehydration.com Dr. Wendy with code Dr. Wendy that's D R W E N D Y and if you get a post purchase survey, make sure to let them know you heard about CURE right here. It really helps support the show. Don't just drink more water, upgrade it with cure. When I think about the holidays, what moment do I look forward to the most? It's the slow mornings with my kids when we get to stay in our pajamas, play games, bake cookies, or just hang out together without a schedule. That's the feeling I want to keep all year long. And that's exactly what Cozy Earth delivers. Their bamboo pajamas look great on and sleep degrees cooler than cotton. They're cozy without overheating and if you need a little reassurance, they offer a 100 night sleep trial so you can snuggle in risk free. But trust me, once you do, you won't want to give them back. And guess what? Black Friday has come early at Cozy Earth. Right now you can stack my code Dr. Wendy that's D R W E N D Y on top of their site wide sale giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won't last, so start your holiday shopping today and if you get a post purchase survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here. Wrap the ones you love in luxury with Cozy Earth. I am so excited for this spa day. Candles lit, music on hot tub warm and ready. And then my chronic hives come back again in the middle of my spa day. What a wet blanket looks like another spell of itchy red skin. If you have chronic spontaneous urticaria or csu, there is a different treatment option. Hives during my next spa day? Not if I can help it. Learn more@treatmyhives.com welcome back. I hope you're ready for the rest of this. So what actually happens when schools skip sex ed or stick to an abstinence only approach?
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Dr. Eva Goldfarb
The research is very clear that in states that do not support High quality sex education and those that use an abstinence only approach have worse sexual health outcomes than those states that do. States that teach about contraception and safer sex and STI prevention have lower rates of pregnancies and STIs. And states and regions that take an abstinence only approach have higher rates of pregnancies. The research is very clear on that.
- [15:08]
Dr. Wendy Hunter
I was curious about this since she didn't really provide statistics. And you know, we doctors love numbers and statistics. So here's what I found. There are decades of research that show that abstinence only programs don't stop kids from having sex and they don't make kids wait longer. What they do is create bigger gaps in knowledge. And a whole lot of kids fumbling in the dark, literally and figuratively. Kids in those programs are less likely to know how to protect themselves when they eventually do become active. And don't be shocked here, most of them will. Let me put it another way, telling teens don't do it is kind of like saying, don't go near that swimming pool. Sure, it works until summer comes around. And if you're never taught how to swim or even how to dog paddle, well, these kids are at risk of drowning the first time they jump in. And, and the statistics back this up. What I found is that states who have abstinence only education consistently have higher rates of teen pregnancy and higher rates of sexually transmitted infections. One national analysis found that in states that require comprehensive sex education, teens were half as likely to get pregnant compared to teens in abstinence only states. Half. That's not a small difference. That's the difference between graduating high school and dropping out to raise a baby. That's a lot of kids. And it's not just pregnancy. Comprehensive sex education is linked to lower rates of sexually transmitted infections in teens because kids know how condoms work, where to get them, and this is important. They learn that they're allowed to use them. It's encouraged. Abstinence only programs skip those lessons entirely most of the time, or worse, they sometimes teach misinformation like condoms don't really work. Imagine if you learned that at age 15 and you continue to believe it. So what I'm going to take away here is pretty simple. Abstinence only education doesn't just leave kids unprepared. It seems to actually leave them misinformed and at higher risk. And it's not just about abstinence. It's also about geography. Apparently, as Dr. Goldfarb explained, just about.
- [17:27]
Dr. Eva Goldfarb
Every state has some sort of guidance or mandates and policies around sex education, what can be taught, what should be taught, and some have curricula or suggestions. But for the most part, those kinds of decisions about what is actually taught are left to local school districts and communities. And so what kind of sex education a young person receives can very often depend on where they live. And not only where they live, but what school they go to. Two different schools in the same school district may treat the topic very, very differently. Because there's no national mandate or guidance. It's really a patchwork of policies and programs. As a result, it can be highly influenced by a few very loud voices at the local level. Who makes the most noise can have an impact on what gets taught rather than the science and the research. There are national sex education standards that are available for school districts, but again, there's no federal policy or mandate on teaching sex education.
- [18:38]
Dr. Wendy Hunter
So your kids entire future understanding of relationships and safety might depend on which homeroom teacher drew the short straw that year. That's not reassuring, but apparently here's why it's such a mess. What gets taught is left up to states, districts, and sometimes even individual schools. That means one district might offer a thoughtful, wonderful, evidence based program, while the next one over spends 20 minutes telling kids to say no and that's it. And decisions are not always made by educators or parents or pediatricians. Sometimes it comes down to who shows up and is loudest At a school board meeting. If the noisiest person in the room says no sex ed, that can be enough to shut down a curriculum, even if the science says otherwise. So where does that leave you as a parent? First, ask your school exactly what they're teaching and at what grade levels. Don't assume it's happening or not happening. Second, look for trustworthy resources that can help you fill in the gaps at home. The National Sex Education Standards gives an outline of what's considered developmentally appropriate at each age. And then there's advocates for youth. They have great parent friendly materials. And as controversial as this may sound, Planned Parenthood also has easy science based guides that cover everything from preschool to teens. And remember, you don't have to tackle all of this at once. These conversations are best when they're done over time. Start small, say things, often talking about things like body autonomy and no really does mean no with little kids. Sets the stage for later conversations about respect and healthy relationships. Think of it like laying bricks. You don't build a whole wall in one day. You keep stacking and stacking until it's solid. If you're wondering how to start. I actually did a whole episode of this on episode 113. It was called the Private Parts episode. It's all about what's normal and what to say to your kids when they start asking questions about their bodies. And I also did episode 46 with Loxy Gantt. She's an expert on how to talk to kids about sex and privacy in ways that empower kids and prevents what we call institutional child abuse, which is what happens with people, you know, in schools, coaches, et cetera. So if you're thinking, I wouldn't know where to begin this conversation, start there. Those two episodes, those conversations about privacy and body boundaries, are really the foundation of this. And there's one more layer here. It's when sex ed excludes certain kids. What should we know about that, and does it matter?
- [21:35]
Dr. Eva Goldfarb
What we also know from the research is that sex education, when it is limited in scope to abstinence only to heterosexual students and excluding all other topics, not only is not effective, but it also can really cause harm to young people. And someone once said that a curriculum should be a balance of mirrors and windows, and everyone should be able to see themselves reflected in a curriculum and be able to see other people that they may not know and learn about. And to the extent that we exclude certain topics, we are enforcing that. Certain things are taboo. We're also not only keeping young people from having life saving information, but we're stigmatizing and harming young people who are already marginalized. That's leading to a lot of harm.
- [22:23]
Dr. Wendy Hunter
It sends the message that you don't belong here. And I know we can all relate to that feeling. Being left out or realizing no one's talking about a family that's like yours. What struck me as I looked into this is how much it matters for health. Kids who don't feel represented, especially LGBTQ students, are more likely to struggle with anxiety, depression, and skip school. They're also more likely to feel unsafe in their classroom. And that hit me, because it's not just about the information they're missing. It's about how much harder it is to learn when you don't feel like you belong there in the first place. I've seen this in my clinic, too. I remember a teenager who came in for a checkup, and he whispered that he thought something might be wrong with him, because nothing at school ever mentioned kids who felt like he did. And he wasn't asking me for medical advice. He was asking if he was normal. And all it took was one honest conversation to completely change the look on his face. And you could see the relief. That's the power of representation. When schools make an effort to be inclusive, no matter what kind of person you are, even just by using language that acknowledges different kinds of families, kids report feeling safer, more supported, and more motivated to stay in school. And if there's one thing I know as a pediatrician, it's that belonging is as important to health as broccoli. So what really happens when kids don't get sex ed in school? They put together whatever they hear on TikTok from older siblings or from that kid in the cafeteria. And here's the thing. Those myths and half truths don't just stay funny stories. They shape how kids move through the world. If you think condoms don't work, you're less likely to use one. If no one ever talks about consent, you might not know how to say no or that you can. And if no one ever explains that LGBTQ kids exist, you might grow up feeling like you're the only one. Or worse, like you don't belong. These gaps don't just shape what kids don't know. They do have effects on the future. They affect whether kids feel safe in school and how they communicate with their partners later in life. But when sex ed is done, well, this picture can look really different. The research backs this up. Comprehensive sex ed does not make kids more likely to have sex, period. It makes them more likely to wait longer. True. To use protection and to make safer choices. It helps them see through all the garbage online and recognize what's real. In short, it gives them tools for life. And they can build healthier, better relationships. Not just as teenagers, but as adults, too. So if schools don't or can't step up, it is up to parents to fill in the gaps, one awkward car ride or bedtime question at a time. And if you're thinking, my kid is not asking questions, trust me, they are asking someone, and it's better it's you than TikTok. So here's your homework. Ask your child's school what education they're teaching, and then start the conversation at home. Even little things like respecting. When your child says they don't want to hug, that counts. That's laying the foundation for healthy boundaries. If you've learned something new today, please share this episode with a friend or maybe with your school board. Because kids deserve better than thinking Mountain Dew works as birth control now. Don't go spread that rumor. For more from the pediatrician next door, find me on the web. @ pediatriciannextdoorpodcast.com if you've got a question about the weird things kids do, send an email to hellopediatriciannextdoorpodcast.com for a chance to hear your voice on the show. I'm Dr. Wendy Hunter. And I'm the pediatrician next door. This show is produced by Red Rock Music. Make sure to subscribe and leave a review wherever it is you're listening. I'll be back next week time with more.