David Archuleta OPENS UP About Being a Gay Mormon

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Person Who Believed In Me
Episode: David Archuleta OPENS UP About Being a Gay Mormon
Host: David Begnaud
Guest: David Archuleta
Date: April 20, 2026

---

Episode Overview

This episode features singer-songwriter David Archuleta, who rose to fame on American Idol, as he shares an honest, deeply personal conversation about faith, sexuality, family, and the pivotal role Rhonda Ford Truman—his “Nashville mom”—played as the person who believed in him before the world did. Archuleta reflects on growing up Mormon, his struggles with self-acceptance as a gay man within a conservative faith community, family trauma, and ultimately, how small, steadfast acts of love and belonging from Rhonda shaped his healing and self-belief.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Meeting Rhonda: A Safe Haven in Nashville

• First Encounter (02:07–04:05):
  David met Rhonda through a mutual connection while touring with Demi Lovato. She regularly welcomed musicians into her home for meals and a sense of family.
• Moving In (04:15–06:52):
  After his Mormon mission, David moved to Nashville, drawn by the community and Rhonda’s persistent invitations. She offered unconditional hospitality, even letting him stay for a year in her daughter's old room.
• Quote:

  “She made me feel like I could do something good for myself. I thought that was something that was bad. Like I thought I was supposed to stay away from gay people. And she said, what’s wrong with that?”
  —David Archuleta (00:23, 13:35)

2. Rhonda’s Support: Small Gestures, Deep Impact

• Acts of Service (05:34–07:51):
  Rhonda’s simple acts—offering a place to stay, use of a car, meals, and check-ins—became a foundation for David’s self-reliance and sense of belonging.
• Accountability Partner (08:30–10:32):
  She encouraged routines (like working out), bringing a sense of fun, normalcy, and accountability that were pivotal for David’s transformation.
• Quote:

  “She just knew how to look at someone as a person. And I felt, I felt seen… she helped me to see that in myself.”
  —David Archuleta (07:51)

3. Struggles with Faith and Sexuality

• Religious Pressure (11:44–13:42):
  Raised Mormon, David internalized faith as “everything.” Church leaders denied his gay identity, framing it as a struggle to be endured, not embraced.
• Coming Out to Family (14:15–15:31):
  His mother initially could not accept his sexuality for religious reasons, but over a year, she left the church in solidarity:

  “If you’re going to hell, we’re all going to hell with you.” (15:22) His father, though once estranged, ultimately expressed pride in David coming out.

• Quote:

  “God said, David, stop asking me this… They don’t see you the way I do. They don’t get it. And it’s time for you to get it.”
  —David Archuleta (00:00, 37:39)

4. Family Trauma and Reconciliation

• Early Trauma (17:53–20:27):
  David recounts false accusations against his father, childhood confusion, and unresolved pain that writing his book helped process within his family.
• Relationship with Father (21:29–25:24):
  Years of overbearing guidance left David feeling “like a hostage,” leading to estrangement, setting boundaries, and gradual healing.

5. Rhonda’s Legacy: Unconditional Acceptance and Healing

• Role Model (23:54–26:46):
  Rhonda listened without judgment, providing a model of acceptance David rarely found elsewhere. He credits her with giving him a grounded sense of belonging that countered the pressure of fame and family expectation.
• At Her Bedside (26:50–33:02):
  During her final days (Rhonda passed in 2020), David was able to be with her, singing to her as she died, and later at her funeral. He describes a home filled with warmth, healing, and communal creativity.
• Quote:

  “She wasn’t trying to say, oh, you’re a poor little defenseless bird … She would always encourage me to learn how to become an adult, but she made me want to.”
  —David Archuleta (32:58)

6. Letting Go of Perfection and Embracing Himself

• Faith Shift (36:34–43:21):
  Archuleta now describes himself as agnostic, feeling connection to others and a higher power through music and community rather than religious doctrine.
• On Living Openly (49:09–49:53):
  David emphasizes the power of visibility for LGBTQ people, arguing that being openly oneself grants others permission to do the same.

7. Overcoming Adversity: Vocal Cord Paralysis & Suicidality

• Vocal Challenges (50:26–54:07):
  David overcame a paralyzed vocal cord through intensive therapy, which ultimately contributed to his “overcomer” story on Idol.
• Mental Health & Suicidal Ideation (55:21–59:36):
  Struggling with shame, religious doctrine, and failed relationships, David nearly ended his life. Prayer and a transcendent moment of acceptance kept him going.
• Quote:

  “You are not a mistake.”
  —David Begnaud (63:10)

8. Moving Forward: Gratitude, Creativity, and Advocacy

• Present and Future (60:35–63:42):
  Today, David prioritizes gratitude, self-compassion, music creation, and sharing his story to help others feel less alone.

---

Timestamps for Notable Segments

• Rhonda’s Influence Begins: 02:07–06:52
• Coming Out, Family & Faith: 14:15–17:05
• False Accusations & Family Trauma: 17:53–20:27
• Rhonda’s Final Days & Legacy: 26:50–33:36
• Discussion of Sexuality, Faith, Church: 36:00–45:38
• Addressing Queer Mormons: 43:21–45:41
• Vocal Cord Paralysis Story: 50:26–54:35
• Suicide Ideation & Turning Point: 55:21–59:36
• Devotion to Self, Creativity: 60:35–63:42

---

Memorable Quotes

• On Faith and Self-Acceptance:

  “God said, David, stop asking me this… They don’t see you the way I do. They don’t get it. And it’s time for you to get it.”
  —David Archuleta (00:00, 37:39)

• On Rhonda’s Impact:

  “She taught me that I could love myself for who I am, even though I didn’t yet.”
  —David Archuleta (13:35)

• On Coming Out and Church:

  “If you’re going to hell, we’re all going to hell with you.”
  —David’s mother, via David Archuleta (15:22)

• On Living Openly:

  “I can’t keep it to myself because there’s someone else who just by seeing me will feel that same permission to be themselves.”
  —David Archuleta (49:53)

• On Healing:

  “I didn’t need someone to believe I was the best singer in the world… I just needed someone to believe in my healing. And I think Rhonda was healing.”
  —David Archuleta (35:12)

• On Being Enough:

  “You are not a mistake.”
  —David Begnaud (63:10)

---

Tone & Feel

• Archuleta’s voice is candid, gentle, emotional, and reflective.
• The episode is grounded in vulnerability and gratitude, with humor and lightness woven between heavy, honest explorations of trauma, faith, and recovery.
• Begnaud’s interviewing is empathetic, drawing out nuances and facilitating space for raw truths.

---

Takeaways

• The Power of Unconditional Support:
  Rhonda’s acceptance and everyday kindnesses created a foundation for David's resilience, agency, and self-love.
• Faith & Sexuality:
  David’s journey illustrates the tension between learned doctrine and self-acceptance, highlighting how rigid belief systems can wound but also motivate profound growth.
• Role of Visibility:
  Living openly as a gay man not only helps the individual heal but serves as hope for others navigating similar paths.
• Healing is Ongoing:
  Boundaries, chosen family, and self-devotion are crucial to lasting recovery from traumatic backgrounds.
• Small Acts, Lasting Impact:
  The most meaningful belief is often offered quietly, without expectation or condition.

---

In closing:

“I’m David Archuleta and the person who believed in me was Rhonda Truman Ford.”
—David Archuleta (63:19)

---

(Summary by The Person Who Believed in Me: Episode – David Archuleta OPENS UP About Being a Gay Mormon, April 20, 2026)

Transcript

[David Archuleta]

I'm a living contradiction to what I'm supposed to stand for. I was on my knees praying, begging God to change me. God said, david, stop asking me this. They don't see you the way I do. They don't get it. And it's time for you to get it. A multi platinum artist's viral sensation saying his way into our hearts on American Idol.

[David Begno]

He's asking big questions about faith, identity, and what devotion really means.

[David Archuleta]

David Archillette. She was my Nashville mom. She wasn't trying to say, oh, you're a poor little defenseless bird, like, we need to take care of you. She made me feel like I could do something good for myself. I thought that was something that was bad. Like I thought I was supposed to stay away from gay people. And she said, what's wrong with that? And she taught me that I could love myself for who I am, even though I didn't yet.

[David Begno]

That's very powerful.

[David Archuleta]

I think it was kind of used to, okay, what do you want in return? And she's like, oh, no, nothing. Just trying to pay it forward.

[David Begno]

You were at her bedside, I believe, when she died.

[David Archuleta]

Yeah, I was just so grateful for her. Thank you so much for giving me a safe place and just help me feel like I belonged.

[David Begno]

In this podcast, we sit down with some of the world's most successful people who reveal a person that believed in them before the world did. The conversations are deep, raw, and relatable. Special thanks to our friends at Canva for believing in us. Canva has a two part mission. Build one of the world's most valuable companies and then do the most good you can with it. They give their product free of charge to schools and nonprofits because they are on a mission to create equal opportunities that empower people all over the world. And finally, please, like and subscribe this video. And if you're listening, please consider rating our podcast. We'll begin with this.

[David Archuleta]

Oh, Rhonda.

[David Begno]

The person who believed in you is who?

[David Archuleta]

So her name is Rhonda Ford Truman, and she was my Nashville mom. I lived in Nashville for eight years, and she's the reason I moved there, because she said, hey, so when are you moving over here?

[David Begno]

How did you first come to know her?

[David Archuleta]

So I was on tour with Demi Lovato in 2009, and I was with my keyboardist and we were just like, we're just tired of being on the road for a long time. And so she was like, I know, I know this family. Rhonda. While Rhonda herself wasn't in the music business. Her brother is. Her brother is. He's a keyboardist in Diamond Rio, right? Yeah, yeah, in Diamond Rio. My keyboardist knew Rhonda by way of Dan. Dan Truman, who's the keyboardist in Diamond Rio. And she was like, you know, we would just love a home cooked meal and to do our laundry. And Rhonda was like, oh yeah, come, come on by. Like, she's just always just, oh, yeah, sure. And we played this fun. We had a game night. When we went over, she. She literally cooked us a meal. And I came to learn that she does that for everybody and did it just about every week. She would just invite people who she knew didn't have family in Nashville and have them over at her house. I was like, how are you so generous? How are you so giving? And she's like, I just like to pay it forward. She's like, I feel blessed in. And I want other people to have a home and have. If they don't have their family, I want them to feel like they are, that they have a family here. And it was so enriching and it was so healing that I didn't want to leave and I didn't. I moved to Nashville. And she's like, yeah, while you're looking for a place here, you're welcome to just take one of our rooms, one of her girls rooms that they had since moved out. So I took her daughter Shaylee's room, but I ended up being there for a year because I can't make up my mind. And I was still learning how to be self sufficient, like self reliant and self sufficient, because I was very codependent still. And I was learning how to, well, unlearn that. And Rhonda helped me.

[David Begno]

Were you out at the time?

[David Archuleta]

No.

[David Begno]

Not openly gay?

[David Archuleta]

No.

[David Begno]

And you were how old?

[David Archuleta]

So when I first met her, I was 18. And then when I moved to Nashville, I was 24.

[David Begno]

So the game night, the first encounter was at 18 years old.

[David Archuleta]

Yeah.

[David Begno]

What made you move back? You went back to Nashville to essentially live with her?

[David Archuleta]

Yeah.

[David Begno]

Why?

[David Archuleta]

So I was in Utah. I had just gotten back from my mission. I was a Mormon missionary in Chile for two years. And I was starting to work in LA and in Nashville, but I just. LA was a hard adjustment, especially coming from being a missionary and going to Nashville where I had worked there before. And it just felt more communal, it felt more like people oriented. So I.

[David Begno]

But was part of the draw also that you knew Rhonda was there, it would be a safe place. Okay.

[David Archuleta]

All Right. So, yes. And she kept convincing me to come back. She's like, hey, when are you. So when are you moving here? Here, Come. Come. Come see us. And I just liked that I could belong without any expectations.

[David Begno]

So, 24 years old, you moved to Nashville. Okay, so you are on American Idol at 17. You have this incredible success. You then take a step back, and you go to Chile to be a missionary. Right. And then it's now 24, you move to Nashville.

[David Archuleta]

Yeah.

[David Begno]

Tell me how Rhonda changed your life in a way that became someone who believed in you.

[David Archuleta]

I feel like it was just the most simple acts of love and service. And how much of a difference those can make is the lesson I learned from Rhonda, because I just experienced her simple acts of love and service firsthand. And when I started working in Nashville, she would invite me to. I was like, hey, I'm going to come into Nashville. She's like, oh, do you have somewhere to stay or do you need a. And she's like, come. Come stay with us. And I was like, okay. Like, I'll. I'll get a. And she's like, and don't. Don't worry about getting a rental car or anything. She's like, I. We have an extra car here. Just use it whenever you want. And I was like, oh, my gosh. I'm like, oh, like, I don't want to feel now. I was like, okay, I'm feeling like I'm overstepping here. This is. And I was like, okay, what do you want in return? Because I felt like favors. I think I was kind of used to. Okay, what do you want in return? And she's like, oh, no, nothing. Just. She's like, again, she just started from that point saying, hey, just. I'm just trying to pay it forward. And I was like, oh, my goodness. And she invited me to go work out with her. So I first started working out, and now, like, working out is a big part of my life, and I have Rhonda and her former husband Scott to thank for that.

[David Begno]

I see your eyes watering talking about her and that moment. Why?

[David Archuleta]

Because I think I was used to people. I was used to bringing people into my life that did things for me because I was very. I did not believe in myself.

[David Begno]

Yep.

[David Archuleta]

I lacked a lot of confidence, so it would be like, well, I need someone else to do this for me. I need someone else to guide me. Rhonda was someone who. She treated me, and she would call me her buddy. She's like, yeah, my. But. And so People and around her knew me as her buddy.

[David Begno]

But you had had a lot of people who were buddies per se. What was it about that which felt more fulfilling for you than the, than the fame had? Right, right. You had been famous by the time you met Rhonda. But it was something about her that also, that made it more meaningful how

[David Archuleta]

she just knew how to look at someone as a person. And I felt, I felt seen and I'd been seen by a lot of people, you know, on American Idol and having my tour and album and singles and appearances I was doing all the time. And just to have someone who, yeah, appreciated and admired what I did, but it didn't get in the way of her seeing me as a person. And I was dealing with a lot of lack of self belief and confidence and she helped me to see that in myself.

[David Begno]

You said she was an accountability coach. How so?

[David Archuleta]

Yeah, she was my accountability partner. She would, she would get me just by inviting me to go do stuff. But it was like going to work out, she's like, hey, do you want to work out with me? And she had P90X. P90X was really big at that time and she was just so fun. Like she, she made like setting goals and, and getting checking off her to do list fun. And it didn't feel like something I was forced to do. It didn't feel obligated. It was like she made me want to do it. So even with the working out, like she, she's like, hey, come on, like do you want to come work out? She was just inviting me to join her and.

[David Begno]

But that doesn't sound like a big deal to me. So what made it a big deal for you at that space in your life? I'm just trying to like get down to the, to the core of it sounds like simple stuff, but I know it was very meaningful. So I'm just trying to explore more about why it was profound.

[David Archuleta]

The reason why the working out was so big is because working out is now like a big part of my life. And like people will like write little, you know, like the gay websites will be like, oh, look at the chalada and look at him shirtless or whatever. And I'm like, I'm like, oh. Because I didn't work out before Rhonda and it was just like fun competition. So she'd be like, oh, how many, how many sets did you do? She's like, oh, I don't want you to beat me. So she's like, do like five more push ups or something. And at night we would sit at her table and. Or I would get home, she'd be busy, and I'd get home from, like, my work or writing sessions and she just, she would check up on me and say, okay, so how are you doing with your goals? Like, what are the things that you're hoping to accomplish? And she would follow up with me like every week. And it wasn't scheduled, it wasn't a timely thing, but I would get home, like, I don't know, around 11:30 midnight, and she. She'd still be there working, and she just invite me over to come sit. And it just. I guess it felt so nice to be seen by someone.

[David Begno]

How was it different than how other adults had treated you?

[David Archuleta]

The main adult in my life before that was my dad. And it was very. It was a very complicated relationship. And my dad, he was. He meant well. He was my dad. He wanted to protect me and look out for me. Sometimes in his protection mode, he. I felt like he disempowered me because it led me to be convinced that I wasn't capable of doing things if he wasn't there. And I, I mentioned a lot about it in my book and yeah, there's. There's Jeff looking at a picture of

[David Begno]

you and your dad. Do you call him dad or.

[David Archuleta]

Yeah, I call him dad. Yeah, I call him Jeff for Dad. Okay.

[David Begno]

Do you all have a relationship today?

[David Archuleta]

We have a better relationship than we did here.

[David Begno]

He was a jazz player.

[David Archuleta]

He was a jazz musician. Yeah.

[David Begno]

You grew up in Miami?

[David Archuleta]

Yeah.

[David Begno]

But then y' all moved to Salt Lake, where he's from. Right? Was he Mormon or was your mom?

[David Archuleta]

They were both Mormon.

[David Begno]

Both. Your mom's Honduran?

[David Archuleta]

Yeah.

[David Begno]

Born in Honduras or here?

[David Archuleta]

Born in Honduras.

[David Begno]

Okay, so you moved to Salt Lake at how old?

[David Archuleta]

I moved there when I was 6 years old.

[David Begno]

How important was the church in your life?

[David Archuleta]

I mean, it was everything. The church was everything. And honestly, it was. That's part of what helped me gravitate towards Rhonda because she was also a member of the same.

[David Begno]

Oh, she was Mormon too?

[David Archuleta]

Yeah, she was Mormon as well. She was just more open minded. She was super faithful, but still open minded. Open minded and accepting. Something that was interesting about Rhonda was one of her really good. Two of her really good friends were gay. And I wasn't out yet, and. And when I tried to come out and say like I was gay, I was taught when you're a Mormon, you confess things to your bishop or your church leaders. And one of my Church leaders said. When I said, I think I might be gay, and he's like, you're not gay. You just struggle with same sex attraction. And he's like, gay is a sin because you're acting on your feelings. But if you just have same sex attraction, you're acknowledging you have the feelings, but you're not acting on them. So you're still good with God. I was like, oh, okay. So when I was talking to Rhonda, when we'd have these late night conversations around her table, I. I did talk to her about my sexuality.

[David Begno]

And what did she say when you told her you were attracted to men?

[David Archuleta]

I don't really remember.

[David Begno]

Okay.

[David Archuleta]

I don't think she really said anything, but I think she also saw the inner homophobia that I had because the self homophobia almost. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Homophobia for myself that I didn't really fully process.

[David Begno]

So now I'm understanding a little bit more about Rhonda and how she believed in you in the sense that y' all in some ways tiptoed around the idea that you were gay, but she sort of loved you for who you are, who you were.

[David Archuleta]

And she taught me that I could love myself for who I am, even though I didn't yet. That's.

[David Begno]

That's very powerful. Didn't judge you.

[David Archuleta]

No.

[David Begno]

Yeah.

[David Archuleta]

Didn't judge other people. And I think it was kind of her way of letting me know, like, because she never said it because, Because I, I, I don't know. I, I hadn't come to terms yet, but I feel like she was the kind of person who always kind of silently let me know in indirect ways, like, if you ever, if this is who you come to terms with being, just know, like, there's a place for you here.

[David Begno]

What were your parents? What was their reaction when you came out to them?

[David Archuleta]

So my mom at first said, honey, I love you, but I love God more. And I can't accept this.

[David Begno]

I love God more.

[David Archuleta]

Wow. Yeah. Which is common in real religious settings like the one I was in. And wow. Because she was like, I testify to you. God's plan is for you to marry a woman. That's his only plan of happiness. The only way you can get to the celestial kingdom, which is a term that Mormons use for heaven. And because there's like different levels of heaven, so the celestial is highest, and then there's terrestrial and telestial, and if you're gay, you go to the telestral kingdom, pretty much. So she wanted me to go to the celestial kingdom. And she's like, I testify. And. And I was like, mom, I get it. I believe all that. I believed all that up until a week ago. I don't need you to accept what I'm doing. I. I just want you to respect that I'm making the best decision. Decision for me right now. And eventually, a year later, she ended up leaving the church as well. Because she said, I don't want to be somewhere where my children don't feel loved and welcomed.

[David Begno]

Wow.

[David Archuleta]

And if you're going to hell, we're all going to hell with you.

[David Begno]

Wow.

[David Archuleta]

Yeah.

[David Begno]

Okay. That's incredible. To go from I love you, but I love God more to, okay, I'm ready to go to hell with you.

[David Archuleta]

Yeah.

[David Begno]

Within a year. Wow. How about your dad?

[David Archuleta]

My dad, I wasn't really talking to him at the time, but when it got a lot of news, it was pretty big news, particularly in Utah, that I'd come out.

[David Begno]

Because you were, like, the most famous Mormon kid, right?

[David Archuleta]

Yeah. Like, aside from Donnie Marie Osmond.

[David Begno]

Right.

[David Archuleta]

It was like David Archuleta. Right. Was the next household name in Utah in Mormon culture. And. And my dad was. I called him. I was like, hey, you probably heard the news. Like, yeah. He's like, I've seen it everywhere. And he's like, I've had several people send me messages. And he just said, son, I. He's like, 30 years ago, this would have been unheard of. A Mormon kid, a Mormon guy coming out while still in the church. He was just like. He's like, I'm really proud of you, son.

[David Begno]

Your dad said that?

[David Archuleta]

Yeah.

[David Begno]

Wow.

[David Archuleta]

Yeah.

[David Begno]

Did that surprise you? Yeah, I mean, it surprises me.

[David Archuleta]

It surprised me a big time.

[David Begno]

It surprises me. Only you. You. You describe your dad sort of in the book as. Let's call it a show dad. Right. Somebody who was, I guess, putting you in competitions that you didn't even know you had been entered in.

[David Archuleta]

Yeah.

[David Begno]

Like entering you in talent competitions, like, against your will.

[David Archuleta]

Yeah. And I think, you know, and I'm. I look back and I'm. I'm glad he did, because I. Even back then, I didn't believe in myself, so I resented the fact that my dad thought more of me than I did.

[David Begno]

Wow.

[David Archuleta]

I was like, I'm trying to be practic here. You're delusional, thinking that your son can do anything. And I look back, I'm glad he felt that way, because I wouldn't. I don't think I would have tried nearly as hard to share my singing and my music had he not pushed me to do it.

[David Begno]

Do you think he was trying to live out his dream through you?

[David Archuleta]

Yeah.

[David Begno]

Oh, interesting.

[David Archuleta]

Yeah.

[David Begno]

Well, he had a very serious problem. I mean, it's, it's. According to the publisher here, there was crisis struck when a family friend falsely accused your father, the family spiritual leader, of something unforgivable. Is it public what that accusation was?

[David Archuleta]

Yeah, they. They accused my dad of molesting my sisters.

[David Begno]

Yeah, but he didn't.

[David Archuleta]

He didn't.

[David Begno]

Okay.

[David Archuleta]

But I. That family friend, I was the first person they told before they told even before my parents even knew. They told me I was nine years old.

[David Begno]

Okay.

[David Archuleta]

So that was. And I had to keep that a secret as a 9 year old until I was like 11. Wow. 10. 11 is when it started coming forefront. But when I was nine, this family friend said that it was. I had to help them in their mission, which was to get my dad taken away and into prison. He wasn't charged with anything, but it just left our family feeling really unsure of everything. This person told me not to tell anyone, but they said that my sister was getting touched inappropriately by my dad. And I was really close with my sister, so I ended up telling her. And my sister said what? She's like, dad's never touched me like that. She's like, but someone else has. And it ended up being my step grandpa on my mom's stepfather who was actually mossing my sister. And he's dead now, but there's just some crazy accusations still made against my sister. And just to keep the peace, we didn't pursue either because it's like if we try to pursue my step grandpa more, they're gonna keep just going for my dad. But I was like, if weren't we trying to protect my sisters, if that was the point, why are you not listening to her?

[David Begno]

What's the relationship with your sisters now?

[David Archuleta]

Your two sisters? I have three sisters. My oldest sister writing this book helped us get close again because this was something we didn't talk about because that's just how we dealt with it. Like, let's just forgive and forget. Let's move on. And it wasn't until I wrote this book that we discussed it again since childhood. And my sister, I was like, how do you feel about me talking about this? I don't want to bring back trauma. And she's like, I would love for you to talk about it because no one ever listened to me. And so that was a big reason why I wanted to write the book.

[David Begno]

I need to take a moment Just to thank Canva for backing this podcast. Their support is what makes these conversations possible. Canva is guided by a clear idea. Build something incredibly valuable and then use it to do real good in the world. That's why they provide their tools free of charge to schools and nonprofits, helping to create equal access and opportunity for people all over the world. I know you. You've said that what you did best was be obedient and compliant. Yet when you were in school, you were so terrified about being exposed, you switched to homeschooling.

[David Archuleta]

It was on and off of homeschool, so I was homeschooled for the majority of my life. It was almost a little more than half. Okay.

[David Begno]

Did you want to be homeschooled because you felt ashamed at school?

[David Archuleta]

Yeah, because people call me a. Or a girl or a. And I didn't know why, because I'm like, I'm not trying to be. I'm not trying to be a girl. So I don't know why you keep calling me that.

[David Begno]

In my research regarding your dad, you said you felt like a hostage. How so?

[David Archuleta]

I feel like he showed signs of OCD as well. And so that hyper fixation, I felt was, like, OCD behavior. Like, he needed to spend hours with me, either talking at me or working on my music and my singing. And I would. I'd get worn out. Like, I was like, okay, I'm done. Like, can we stop? And we wouldn't, because he's like, no, we have to keep going. And sometimes he'd just be staring at me, and he always had to know where I was, like, just watching me and.

[David Begno]

Sounds creepy. Did it feel creepy?

[David Archuleta]

Yeah, it felt really creepy.

[David Begno]

It did.

[David Archuleta]

And I don't think he realized that he would be staring at me because I'd be like, what? And he just keeps staring at me, like, what?

[David Begno]

And wasn't he banned from the set of American Idol?

[David Archuleta]

Yeah, he. He was at a certain point, yeah.

[David Begno]

Why? Why?

[David Archuleta]

I guess the producers felt he was overreaching. Like, he was too involved. Like, if I was in my rehearsal, he would come and say, like, could he do this or could he have this? And my dad is very opinionated, and it would. But he would butt heads with the producers because the producers liked to be in charge, and my dad liked to also be in charge. And so there was a time when I was on Star Search. He butt heads with them. I was on American Idol. He butt heads with them. And so there's. There's just a certain point where they're like, okay, he needs to. He can't be around here anymore.

[David Begno]

Star Search photo. Have you seen that in a while?

[David Archuleta]

No. Look at me. Before, I had braces.

[David Begno]

So given where you are in your life now, looking back on that photo of that kid in Star Search, what would you say to him now? How do you feel about it now?

[David Archuleta]

I would say that the adults. You don't have to worry so much about listening to the adults and obeying what they say and following their orders. It's not the make or break. Adults don't have all the answers, even if they feel like, well, you're the kid. So you have to listen to what they say because you don't know any better. Sometimes you do know better than they do.

[David Begno]

Let's go back to Rhonda, the person who believed in you. Did you talk to her about your family dynamic relationship?

[David Archuleta]

Yeah. When I was living with Rhonda, I didn't have a relationship with my dad. I had cut him out. I had blocked him. So I think I was also looking for a sense of family. I had my, you know, my mom, she was remarried. My stepdad is amazing. His name's also David. Is it? Yeah. And he was looking after my mom. But I also felt like the pedestal I'd been placed on in Utah kind of seeped into my family and I didn't want to be on a pedestal for people anymore.

[David Begno]

So going to Nashville, living with Rhonda, you were off that pedestal?

[David Archuleta]

Yeah.

[David Begno]

How did Rhonda's non judgmental attitude look at your family dynamic?

[David Archuleta]

What did she say about it? She just listened. It was nice because the people I was close to before was like my other family, my grandparents or whatever. And people would be like, well, he's your dad and you know, family's family no matter what and all that. And it was kind of like, y' all don't get it. Y' all don't get it. Like, yeah, I know he's my dad and I. I let him basically, like, run me into the ground emotionally for 10 years.

[David Begno]

Has he ever apologized?

[David Archuleta]

Yes, he has.

[David Begno]

How is he today?

[David Archuleta]

He's doing a lot better.

[David Begno]

What's the relationship like?

[David Archuleta]

We found ways to bond over things other than music, which I think is what we needed.

[David Begno]

Is he still pushing you to do things?

[David Archuleta]

No, no, it's. It's been like over a decade since that. Maybe even 15 years. But I had to block him. I had to not talk to him for like seven years. I had to set boundaries. So, you know, learning how to say no. And just because Someone is close to you doesn't mean they can take advantage of you. And that's what I learned.

[David Begno]

She died of a brain tumor in 2020. Again, through this whole conversation, the only time your eyes water is when you think about her.

[David Archuleta]

Yeah. I mean, you've seen this picture of her and thinking about her, you know, it's. She's not someone that gets brought up, so it's

[David Begno]

okay. So I got another one for you.

[David Archuleta]

Yeah? Yeah.

[David Begno]

She's not here, but if you could talk to her today, what would you want to say?

[David Archuleta]

Yeah, if. If I had a chance, I would just say thank you. Thank you so much for giving me a safe place to be, a place where I felt noticed, not for the things everyone else noticed me for. And just making me feel helped me feel like I belonged.

[David Begno]

You were at her bedside, I believe, when she died.

[David Archuleta]

When she was dying. Yeah. Her. Then at the time, husband, Scott, let me stay there with them. I. It was the week that everything shut down for Covid.

[David Begno]

Yeah.

[David Archuleta]

And they called me while she was still conscious, and they're just like, hey. Like, you know, just. They just wanted me to be able to say bye to her. And I was in Tennessee at the time, and I was just like, no. Like, after everything she's done for me, like, there's no way I can. That my bi will be over the phone. So I texted her, her daughter Kelsey, and her husband Scott, and I just said, wow, would it be okay if I. If I found a flight tonight or tomorrow, could I just come and be there with y'? All? And they said, yes. And she lost consciousness at that point. They're like, well, she. You know, she can still hear us. And I was like, I would just love to be there, because I don't want this person's way too important for me to just, you know, mind my own business here in Tennessee when I'm here in Tennessee because of her. So she was in Utah with her family at the time, and so I flew over there. They let me stay with Scott and her, and I would just sit there, and Scott was like. Scott was pretty worn out at that time. He had just been kind of waiting for her to pass, and they didn't know when it was going to happen. So he's like, yeah, just sit here. You can, like, hold her hand and talk to her. I'm sure she would love to hear a song from you if he wanted to sing. And so I did. I sat there and I sang to her because that's. I didn't always know what to say, but I just felt like she loved music, and so I would. I was just hum silently to her, hold her hand and let her know. I was just so grateful for her, and I was grateful that I could do that in person before she passed on. And, like, the next morning, there was a big earthquake. Not big earthquake, but bigger than what we were used to getting in Utah. And he, like, shook everything. We're like, what just happened? And we went down and checked, and the breathing machine was still on. And then about an hour later, I didn't hear the breathing machine anymore. And so I just kind of popped my head over, and I just saw it was. I was like, you know, I don't. I don't want to be the person to find her officially. So I went up and let Scott know and just said, hey, Scott, I don't hear Rhonda's machine anymore. And he went and checked, and she had passed. But, you know, I. And I. I got to sing at her funeral. They didn't. They weren't able to hold a proper funeral because lockdown prohibited any gatherings, large gatherings. But they let me be there because she. They said she looked at me as one of her kids, and I sang I Can Only Imagine by Mercy Me, because she had told someone when it was on the radio, she started crying. She's like, you know, I would love for this to be played at my funeral. And so I sang it. And. Yeah, but she just. She just saw the good in everybody. Like, she would hold guitar rounds at her house. She'd invite everyone over for dinner, and then just like, yeah, let's bring a guitar, and let's just have a guitar round, because that's a popular thing in Nashville. So everyone just takes turns writing a song that they wrote and just. I don't know what it was, but there's just this feeling. It was just so grounding. Any anxiety that you had or caring with you. It was just like you walked into her home and it was gone. And everyone felt like that. That's why everyone wanted to be around her. All these other musicians and friends and people. People are always coming to her house. A lot of my frustrations with my dad, I talked through with Rhonda, and she never took too much of my side, but she always made me feel seen in my emotions so that I could process them. And with the end goal to be able to heal and move forward. And so as simple as my moments were with her, they were always with this motivation to grow and to move forward in my life. And that was so nice because she wasn't trying to say, oh, you're a poor little defenseless bird, like, we need to take care of you, or you can't do that. She would always encourage me to learn how to become an adult, but she made me want to. She made me feel like I could. That's why, like, the gym thing, I always like, oh, I don't. I can't work out. Because I always would injure myself. And I would. But, like, she didn't force me to. She just made me want to do something good for myself. And so whether that was working hours, working through my trauma, or writing songs, she'd be like, oh, what are you gonna. What do you think? Or, like, she would help me brainstorm songs I would write. I did an album called Postcards in the sky, and I wrote all of that basically when I was living with Rhonda. And a lot of the songs that I wrote, like, the motions that I processed, like, after coming back from being a Mormon missionary, were things that I discussed while I was at the. The table with Rhonda late at night. So it was subtle things, but, like, what? She. She would just ask me how my writing sessions would go. She would ask me about spirituality. We would talk about God. She would ask me about my dating life, all my frustrations. She met all of my ex. Ex. Fiance.

[David Begno]

The girls.

[David Archuleta]

Yeah.

[David Begno]

That she knew.

[David Archuleta]

Oh, except for. No, I take that back. She met two of them because she passed away by the last one.

[David Begno]

But she never met a guy you dated?

[David Archuleta]

No. No.

[David Begno]

Do you wish she could have seen that?

[David Archuleta]

Yeah, because I know she would have been supportive. She would have loved to have met them.

[David Begno]

What do you think she would say of you being out now? Open and happy?

[David Archuleta]

One of my friends that I would get, like, foot zoned from, this lady messaged me one time, and she. After I came out, and she's like, hey, I'm so happy for you. And she was also a Mormon, but, like, Mormons outside of Utah are a lot more loose and relaxed than ones in Utah tend to be. And she told me how she talked to Rhonda one time about. She's like, when do you think David will learn to accept himself? And Rhonda just said. I think Rhonda said, like, he'll. He'll figure it out. He'll figure it out. So I was. And I think that was really nice to hear because Rhonda knew.

[David Begno]

Rhonda knew in her heart long before you were ready to say.

[David Archuleta]

Yeah.

[David Begno]

I think what Rhonda knew was it wasn't a matter of helping you find your truth. It was helping you find the right time to tell it. I think that's what Rhonda knew. And what a blessing that in the time she had, she was able to convey that to you.

[David Archuleta]

Yeah.

[David Begno]

Just.

[David Archuleta]

She was a really amazing woman.

[David Begno]

Now I understand why you feel that she was the person who believed in you.

[David Archuleta]

Yeah, she really did. She. Yeah. And it was like, in the way I needed to. I didn't need someone to believe I was the best singer in the world.

[David Begno]

Right.

[David Archuleta]

Like, I just needed someone to believe in my healing. And I think Rhonda was healing.

[David Begno]

Wow.

[David Archuleta]

Yeah. Rhonda was the person who was that for me. And that was something I wasn't surrounded by.

[David Begno]

Did she ever tell you what you gave to her?

[David Archuleta]

Yeah. Because sometimes I would be like, maybe I would ask other people to. I'm like, why does she like me hanging out all the time? Like, I don't really say anything.

[David Begno]

Right. Right.

[David Archuleta]

Really shy, but should just say that I was peaceful for her to be around, that I had a grounding next to her.

[David Begno]

I can feel that sitting at this table. You do. You have a grounding energy.

[David Archuleta]

Thank you.

[David Begno]

You do. You know, when you meet people who you just sense that their soul is, like, real pure, like, I. I kind of get that vibe from you. And look, I grew up Catholic. I still am not a practicing. My mother will not be happy to hear that. She knows I don't go to church on Sunday. But I do believe in God. My point is, I think you, even though you've left the Mormon Church, I'm going to assume you still believe in God.

[David Archuleta]

I would consider myself agnostic.

[David Begno]

Agnostic.

[David Archuleta]

I believe that there is the Mormon God was very specific.

[David Begno]

Yes.

[David Archuleta]

Like, they would teach, we know that God is a man.

[David Begno]

Yes.

[David Archuleta]

With a body of flesh and bones. Right. And is married. Okay. Which is why we need to get married as well.

[David Begno]

Okay.

[David Archuleta]

It's hard for me to know who knows who God is, because when I came out, God presented him or itself in a very different way than I was ever taught.

[David Begno]

And how was that?

[David Archuleta]

Nowhere near as judgmental. Nowhere. Not caring anywhere as much about all the rules that I thought I needed to worry and care about to not care that I was queer.

[David Begno]

And when you say God presented themself or himself as that, how did that show up? How did that presentation happen?

[David Archuleta]

I was on my knees praying in Nashville, and I just was begging God to change me. I was like, this. This is my last chance, my last effort. To ask God my last ditch effort of faith, because I don't think I have any more left in me to have the faith to be healed and changed from what I thought was my problem at the time, to be healed, to be straight. And God said, david, stop asking me this because I don't see you the same way everyone else around you sees you. All the religious well meaning people trying to follow me, they don't see me, they don't see you the way I do. And they don't get it. And it's time for you to get it. It's time for you to understand that there's. You keep asking me to change your sexuality. There's no reason to. I don't see any problem with it. And that was like a huge. I was like, huh?

[David Begno]

So why, so why are you agnostic? If you had that encounter with what is the God force in your life, why are you agnostic?

[David Archuleta]

Because I had so many people telling me, discrediting my experience, saying that wasn't God. Remember that the devil can appear as an angel of light, a deceiver. And that's what you're happening because there's no way God would tell you that being gay is okay. And I was just like, well, guess what? That's what he said. So I'm like, but David, you do

[David Begno]

know that there are representatives of God on this earth who are far more accepting and tolerant than you know your faith. So I mean, is there a world in which you're back in church, praise and worshiping in a place where you being who God made you to be? And yes, I said that you are exactly who God made you to be. Is there a place where you go to a place where they believe that and yet they still praise and worship?

[David Archuleta]

After I came out, I was still going to church for a year after trying to show it was like, just because I fall in love with a man doesn't mean that my relationship with God is any less than anyone else's.

[David Begno]

Right?

[David Archuleta]

But as I try to make sense of the Mormon Church's beliefs and why they felt so strongly that God's doctrine was anti homosexuality. Yeah, I started seeing too many loopholes in religion in general because I was like trying to make sense of it. And I was like, the more I try to make sense of it, the more I realize there are a lot of answers that they don't have. And they try to make it seem like they do. And I was just like, I don't. So I was like, is the Book of Mormon even Real. I was like, I'm pretty sure that someone made this up. And everyone keeps telling me, well, Joseph Smith, there's no. It was a miracle that he wrote this. And the time that he wrote it, all the details and the complexity. I was like, look at Jared Tolkien writing Lord of the Rings. Like, I feel like that's way more complex than he was. And he. He created, like, different languages and everything. One guy. Why couldn't Joseph Smith do that with the Book of Mormon? He wrote it in English and there's still, like, errors. And like, he was saying, like, there are animals in the Americas that weren't here, but they're like, oh, well, it was prehistoric. And I don't know, it's just like they're finding so many ways of. Like. Well, when he said horses, he meant the. Oh, what is that animal? Opaki, Okapi. The. I don't know. There is just, like, too many ways of justifying something that wasn't adding up. And I was like, okay, if they've done this with the Book of Mormon, what else have they done this with? I'm like, the Bible's a story that I feel like maybe is.

[David Begno]

It's.

[David Archuleta]

The Book of Mormon is just a newer version, but someone wrote it and it has good teachings in it. But how do I know that the Bible isn't the same thing as the Book of Mormon? I'm like, okay, Noah's Ark. Two of every animal. Like, you know, why did God require Abraham to sacrifice Isaac? It was just very hard for me to. To see it not as stories that people believed in.

[David Begno]

So what do you believe in today? Is it the universe? Is it. What do you believe in?

[David Archuleta]

I believe that when I go to an EDM festival or a rave somewhere that I was told not to stay away from growing up, I feel the same connection to a higher being and higher power to God than I did in church. Because everyone is there, unified. There's love and respect. Sometimes festivals can get. There are people that, you know, don't have that plural culture, which is peace, love, unity, respect, responsibility. But. But neither do churches. Sometimes they're like, yeah, you. You go there with an intention of everyone to connect. But some people are just grimy people and have ill intentions. But when I go to a festival or a rave and you just connect to the rhythm and the music, it feels like primal. Like a primal instinct where it's like, you don't need all the bells and whistles to feel connected to something bigger than all of us.

[David Begno]

Talk to talk to the Mormon who is watching this or listening to this and is gay.

[David Archuleta]

I would say the church. There are a lot of wonderful things about being raised in it. Growing up, I think we learn how to be respectful, to be serving, to be kind, to think of a greater purpose than just ourselves. I love those. The importance of family, of community. And so I. If it's somewhere that you still want to belong, but it's very difficult, I hope you know that it is okay to take a break if you need to, to discover yourself. And if the environment that you're in doesn't allow you to see yourself the way God sees you, it's okay to give yourself a break. There are certain communities, congregations and certain leaders who are pro LGBTQ community who are supportive, who want to see a change in the church. And then the tricky part is it depends on. It's like the roulette of it all. Like the luck of the draw is, is your leader one of those who's compassionate and understanding or they want a one who is following tradition of nope, homosexuality is a sin. But be willing to have the conversations. Let your heart be known. I've. I've saw, I've seen the most progress within the church happen when I just spoke honestly, let them know the heartbreak that I felt because the church tried, has all throughout the years has tried to paint gay people as sinners who just want to leave, who are lazy. When you are honest with them and say, this is how hard it's been for me, it immediately starts to break up the misconceptions about what it means to be gay and, you know. So if you choose to, I hope that you can have open and honest conversations and let them know your heartbreak.

[David Begno]

Do you feel called to make change within the church?

[David Archuleta]

I feel like I have no choice but to. I mean, I didn't have any choice to be the poster boy that they made me for the church, but I still tried to be a good Mormon. And so just if that wasn't a choice, I don't see why this. I mean, it is a choice that I want to make, but it's almost

[David Begno]

like, David, the church won't change unless if you just walk away. The church will change if you

[David Archuleta]

in

[David Begno]

some way fight back based on who God made you to be. I mean, I feel that way about my own Catholic faith. I'm a Catholic. I don't give a what people say. I'm not. I haven't left the church. I don't go every Sunday, but nobody's going to tell me that I Am wrong for being exactly who I was made to be. And I think good Catholics and good Mormons have to stand up. I don't know if you feel that way.

[David Archuleta]

Yeah, I don't see, like, I don't want to be like, spearheading, like the whole, like.

[David Begno]

No, but you stand up this way. You stand up this way publicly.

[David Archuleta]

Yeah.

[David Begno]

That's 17 year old David. Would have never envisioned him sitting here saying what he's saying today. That's what I'm talking. That's what I'm talking about.

[David Archuleta]

Yeah.

[David Begno]

So you are doing the standing up. It's not fire and brimstone at the altar. You're doing it. This clip's gonna get seen to gay. Get sent to gay people. And I think you're serving. You're serving that young kiddo at Star Search who didn't even want to be there. You're serving him well by what you're doing today. You come a long way, my friend.

[David Archuleta]

Thank you. Growing up with, like, homophobia and homophobic rhetoric where it's like, I would be told like all the time and we would be taught gay people aren't happy, they're miserable. They're only perverts. They only think about sex, and all they want is sex, which is why they don't want a family and like a marriage. And then I started meeting people who are gay in gay relationships, like over 30 years. Ken, my publicist included, he was one of my first examples where it's like just seeing him and meeting his husband, it's just like an immediate, oh, that was wrong. Like, all I had to do was see it and that they were happy and that they were together. And I kept meeting other people who were married and had kids.

[David Begno]

But that's how you change lives, David. For me, it's not about marching in front of parades or pounding on podiums. It's about showing up with my partner, Jeremy, and walking down the street of our neighborhood, sometimes holding hands. I mean, all these people who think that gays are sleazy and all these. I wish you could come over to my house and realize how damn normal my life is. It's as cranky as yours, miserable as yours, like, like it's so normal. But I think the way we. We spread acceptance is just by living naturally and normally every day. Just by showing up as you with your boo. Which, by the way, have you found love?

[David Archuleta]

I have had.

[David Begno]

You have.

[David Archuleta]

I have had. Yeah.

[David Begno]

And when you had it, how did it feel?

[David Archuleta]

It just felt natural, you know? Natural. That's It.

[David Begno]

That's it.

[David Archuleta]

Yeah. And to add to what you were saying, because so many people in religion still say, well, why do you have to. Why do you have to be like, just. I don't care. Just keep it to yourself? It's like, no, I can't keep it to myself because that's what I've been doing all my life. And it took seeing someone else, not keeping it to themselves for me to have more courage to be myself. Yes. And so it's like, I can't keep it in myself because there's someone else who just by seeing me, will feel that same permission to be themselves. Just like the way I've felt it with, like, seeing Ken.

[David Begno]

You know, people write to me today and literally tell me how seeing me living openly helped them come out. That's powerful, this condition with your voice. So I saw you on a TV show fairly recently, and I thought there's. There's something about when you're in between words that I was like, almost like you sounded short of breath and having trouble breathing. So tell us about it. You had a viral condition when you were how old?

[David Archuleta]

When I was 12.

[David Begno]

Called.

[David Archuleta]

I'm not sure what the viral thing was, because that's just what they believe it is.

[David Begno]

Okay.

[David Archuleta]

But following the viral infection or whatever it was, I got vocal cord paralysis. Okay.

[David Begno]

And what happened? You couldn't sing?

[David Archuleta]

One of my vocal cords doesn't move. It moves a little bit, but not enough for it to really function well. So I have on one vocal cord that does all the work, and the muscles that bring the vocal cord closer to move, that portion is paralyzed, so my vocal cords can't come together normally. I did voice therapy for, like, three years to help strengthen my voice so that I could speak.

[David Begno]

You think you sound better because of

[David Archuleta]

the paralysis, I get tired more easily, but I feel like I have just as good of. Like, I'm not far behind other seasoned performers with my endurance, which is. I'm really grateful for. It took a lot of work, took, you know, years of therapy, and I had to be consistent, and I've had to find ways, because on American Idol, I was just like, I'm not. If I have to go on a tour after this, there's no way I can do that. But you just find a way to pace yourself. And I kept doing voice therapy, and the doctors through check, and they're like, this is a miracle of God. And so I was. And I have my voice therapist who's. Who also served as my voice coach, Dean Kalin, to thank for that.

[David Begno]

People think your voice is hot, don't they?

[David Archuleta]

Yeah. They'll be like, oh, David, do asmr.

[David Begno]

No, Totally. Totally.

[David Archuleta]

Yeah.

[David Begno]

Do you think you've become more successful? Successful in a way because that happened to you?

[David Archuleta]

Yeah. Because on American Idol, they wanted a story. And when I was there with the producers, they. After I sang, they're like, your voice is so wheezy. It's. It's really annoying to listen to. And I talk about it in my memoir, but I was like, oh, that's because I have a paralyzed vocal cord. And they're just like, what did you just say? And afterwards, they came out and they're like, okay, what's your story? Tell us about your life. I'm like, well, I was in choir. My parents are musicians. And one of the producers comes out, Megan. She's one of the head producers of this American Idol now. And she's like, did he tell you that he has a paralyzed vocal cord? And Jason, the producer who's interviewed me, he's like, no, he did not. And I was like, oh. I'm like, why. Why do I. I'm like, I don't want to talk about this. I'm like, it was. It was like a moment I don't want to think about in my life. But they wanted to highlight it because it was like they loved the Overcomer story. And I was like, okay. So I. They, like, played, like, the dramatic music behind it, and I'm. I was like, okay. I guess. I mean, it was life changing, because I think that's why they wanted to. I mean, I already knew that they were very interested in me before that, which was encouraging. Like, in one of the first interviews, I talk in the book as well, one of the people who worked on Idol came up to my dad, and they're like, you know, your son could win this whole thing. And I was kind of like, how do they already know that? I'm like, I don't. But I didn't know how it all worked. But then when they found out that I had the paralyzed vocal cord, it was just like, we've got our star story.

[David Begno]

We can sell.

[David Archuleta]

Yeah. And so. But I've met other people who've had those issues as well, and it's just kind of nice to help other singers know, like, hey, you can still sing. And, you know, it can take work. It can be very scary to hear that. But if you have the patience and are willing to do the work and the therapy and find a proper balance so that you can Maintain your endurance. You know, that you can overcome obstacles.

[David Begno]

It's another example of you leaning into exactly how God made you.

[David Archuleta]

Yeah. Where you think It's a flaw 100%, like an error. And it's like, no, actually 100%.

[David Begno]

I believe that when I get to heaven, God's gonna have a lot to say to his people. Right. There's gonna be a whole waiting room of God's people who are waiting to see him. And nothing about who I am is wrong because it's who I am. I. I just. I'm sorry. I'm very. I'm very bullish on that. And it's why I. I get so pissed off when I hear about how people like you are treated, because some people, it sends them over an edge. Were you ever suicidal?

[David Archuleta]

Yeah, it's the. It's what led to that final prayer as well. But it was at the end of my last of the three engagements. And, yeah, I got suicidal and just thought, what's the point? Like, if I can't. From the Mormon doctrine perspective, it was. Homosexuality is on par with murder, with pedophilia. So I was like, I'm basically.

[David Begno]

So.

[David Archuleta]

I'm basically in that category of the worst of the worst, which would put my making to heaven at stake. And Mormons believe that you can still have a chance for repentance even after this life. So. And that even if you can't have your family in this life, the family is eternal, so you can have it after this life. So I kind of, as I've learned after opening up about it, how often this scenario occurs. It's a common place that queer people in the Mormon Church get to because they think, what's worse, losing my chance to be in heaven with my family by being gay, or I take my life before this gayness over comes me and overtakes me, and I still have a chance to be with my family and with God after this life. So a lot of people choose to take their own life. I almost made that decision as well. And there's a bit of a hopelessness, but also there was, like, a bit of peace with it because I thought it's okay because I'm making the best decision for my family. They may not understand right now because they don't understand the extent of these demons, this gayness that's overcoming me right now. But when I see them after this life, we will be together for eternity, and that's what matters. So I had written my will. I had, like, divided whatever I had to my siblings. I Had put my sisters in charge of whatever delicate. My sister Chowsy Sharp, like I mentioned. I was like, she'll know how to do this in a fair, just way. The thing that scared me the most to follow through with it is if I didn't succeed, and then I would have to live. Like, I would. If I end up, like, paralyzed or, like, paraplegic or something, like. And I really wouldn't be able to do anything about my feelings at that point. I was just like, that's what scared me. But you know that the praying was where I. There's like, this moment from, like, being numb for a long time that I just felt. Not numb anymore. Like, I felt something. I hadn't felt anything. Like, I was like, on the couch. I wasn't eating. I wasn't talking to anyone. It was like this paralysis in a way where it's like, I would be sitting, and I would sit the whole day. Like, it would start getting dark, and I'd just be like, oh. Like, it's. It's dark already. And I don't. I don't really know how to describe that. I look back, I'm like, wow, how did I waste so much time? I couldn't do that today. But I. I just was in that state of mind at the time and. But there was a moment where I finally felt something. So I was like, oh, that's God. And so I. That's when I immediately dropped to my knees and I thought, okay, God, if you're there, please fix me on. Help me to change. I don't want to be what you don't want me to be. Like, I'm so exhausted of trying to change. I don't know how else. What else. What more I can do at this point. And that's when God said, david, stop asking me.

[David Begno]

So then did faith in some way save you?

[David Archuleta]

I think so. I feel like. I feel like if I didn't have faith, I probably would have been able to figure that out sooner. I don't think I wouldn't. If it weren't for the faith I grew up with, I don't think I would have gotten so close to taking my life. Like, I almost went through with it, and other people do and have. So I feel like, yes, my. A moment of prayer helped me get there. I had to. I had to look outside of my faith in order to finally accept myself. And other people took their life believing that they did it in good faith. So it was part of my journey. But I also feel like there's the Other side of it, too.

[David Begno]

Let's end forward looking. What's next for you?

[David Archuleta]

For me, like, the theme that I'm trying to go with is instead of being devout to an external factor and external, external, external validation from parents or religious leaders is being devoted, devoted to within. And you call that God? You could call that your higher self. And I just feel like that's been a better, more steady place to build my life on.

[David Begno]

What are you now devoted to?

[David Archuleta]

I'm devoted to just being grateful to be alive. I feel like I'm just grateful for the day I get. Like, oh, like, what can I experience today? What can I create? Who can I meet? What food can I try? What DJ set can I go to? And it's just like, you know, I think it's just this theme of I almost chose to not be here. I almost wasn't here. And like, every day I get now from this point is a bonus because I almost thought that the right thing for me to have done for my spiritual, for my salvation was to end it. And so I'm like, you know it. So I just try to take care of myself. I go to the gym, I try to eat a balanced meal, but still have fun. Eat some good, fun food, too, and eat ice cream and things, too, and not take everything so seriously and make music that makes me feel confident and comfortable in my own skin. Like, manifesting how that feels is so nice. A lot of my music before was kind of like, well, I'm not there yet. You know, one day I'll be. I'll get there. And it's like, no. Like, it's today. I'm like, if you died tomorrow, David, don't take so long to accomplish what you want to accomplish or what you want to try. And I've lived on this theme of. I released songs to go with the Devout Book, which is the devout ep. And one of the songs is called On Purpose, which is to make mistakes on purpose. And sometimes you're like, oh, my gosh, why did I do that? I can't believe I did that. But it's like, it's okay to mess up. That's how you live and learn and grow. And I was so afraid of messing up before, and now I. It's still, like, a little bit of, like, shame that you've experienced, but it's also like, I'm so glad that I give myself the chance to make mistakes.

[David Begno]

You are not a mistake.

[David Archuleta]

You. Yeah.

[David Begno]

You are not a mistake.

[David Archuleta]

Yeah.

[David Begno]

You believe that now?

[David Archuleta]

I do now. Yeah. I didn't before. But you know, I I think it's for the last five years, it's been a really wonderful shift of perspective and I'm grateful for it. I'm David Archuleta and the person who believed in me was Rhonda Truman Ford.

[David Begno]

I thought you might want to know, but this part podcast is at the heart of a company I founded called Do Good Crew. I've spent 25 years telling stories. It used to be the bad news and now I want to focus on the good news. The everyday heroes who are doing extraordinary things. You can join us. We do live events, but we also have a newsletter. It's free. You can sign up for it by going to www.thedogoodcrew.com. our podcast was created by me, David Begno. Our our executive producer is Olivier Delfoss. Our booker is Sully Block. Foster Parks is our director of photography. Audio Technical production is Joseph Gabbay and Will Whitley from Static Creative. Our associate producer is Jonah Johnson. Our director of Social media is Mariah Maul. The theme music for our show was created by our friends at Slipstream. Post production and edit was done by Longwave Digital. This podcast was brought to you by Canva. If this episode moved you in any way, consider subscribing to our YouTube channel or following and rating our show on whatever platform you're listening on. This really is the best way to help our show grow and touch more people, and we thank you for it. And one more thing before you go. If you want to join our Crew, go to thedogoodcrew.com. you'll love what we're doing.