683: The Pete and Sebastian Show - EP 683 - COP MUSTACHE

Summary

The Pete and Sebastian Show – EP 683: COP MUSTACHE

Date: December 2, 2025
Hosts: Pete Correale & Sebastian Maniscalco
Main Theme: Everyday comedy, etiquette, and the “art” of being a model citizen—both on airplanes and when getting pulled over. Bonus: The return of Pete’s legendary neighborhood “blow-up.”

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Pete and Sebastian dive deep into the hilarious and sometimes maddening situations of daily life—awkward Zoom etiquette, airplane seat-switching politics, dog-walking drama, and how to ace a police traffic stop (with a surprise twist courtesy of a cop’s “Raleigh Fingers” mustache). The episode is classic Pete & Sebastian, mixing relatable gripes, subtle social observations, and energetic rants, with a focus on the importance—and limits—of leading by example.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Zoom Call Etiquette and Attire

(01:19-08:59)

• Sebastian teases Pete’s new “lumberjack” flannel:
  Sebastian: “If you’re a viewer, if you have eyeballs, you notice that Pete has what looks like a flannel, something a lumberjack would have on. Is this the attire out in Rochester?”
  Pete explains it’s just seasonal—practical for snow and Thanksgiving in upstate New York.

• Weather bragging on calls irritates Pete:
  “Whenever people on the west coast brag about their warm weather on Zoom, I feel like they deserve whatever’s coming to them..." (02:00)
  Both agree: if you’re bragging about great weather, follow it up with something negative (like LA’s traffic).

• Artificial Zoom backgrounds create suspicion:
  Sebastian: “The whole time I’m looking at your fake background, I’m thinking, what’s behind that? Are we covering up mess or criminal evidence?” (04:47)
  Pete: “I think if people saw the real setup, they’d limit business opportunities. There’s underwear on my couch, I’d lose the deal.” (05:35)

• The pain of forced small talk:
  Both hate the pre-meeting chatter as people “populate” into Zoom.
  Sebastian’s “pro tip:”
  “That’s why you got your camera off, your audio off… And then when everybody’s on, you pop in. You’re dark, you’re there, just waiting.” (08:14)
  But Pete worries: “I’m usually the one who needs help, so I feel obligated to be early.”

• Small talk with neighbors—better or worse in person?:
  Pete: “Walking past neighbors… not saying hi feels, like, inhumane, animalistic—a couple of bears passing in the woods.” (08:59)

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2. Awkward Airplane Seat Switching & Travel Observations

(12:50-33:34)

• Sebastian’s seat-switching dilemma (With classic overthinking):
  His flight home from Boston puts him in the aisle of a first class row. A mother asks him to take a window seat so she can sit with her 12-year-old son; he politely declines, citing claustrophobia. Sebastian, conflicted: “Do you have to give a reason, or can you just say, ‘nah, I’m good’?” (15:08)
  Pete: “You technically don’t, but when you’re blunt, you might come off as an asshole. Efficient, but mean.”
  Sebastian detail-obsesses: “Now I gotta sit next to this person for six hours!” (15:58)

• Mother’s request, the “protestor barista” seatmate, and seat setup rituals:
  The mother also gets denied by the window passenger. Sebastian describes her: “She just looked… like your local Starbucks barista, who could be at a protest later.” (17:53)
  Pete nails it: “She could need a bathroom at any moment.”
  The woman proceeds with her long seat-prep ritual and Ruffles feast—prompting more Sebastian judgment:
  “She brought a bag of Ruffles bigger than her carry-on. I wouldn’t have even given this woman a seat on the plane!” (23:47)

• Who’s the real “asshole” in the seat scenario?
  Pete, laying down the verdict:
  “The real asshole is the mom. You said it—he’s 12, not an infant. Why does anybody else have to be inconvenienced?” (24:20)
  Sebastian, finally persuaded: “The more I think about it, you’re right. Fuck this lady.” (27:10)

• Family dynamics and airplane anxiety:
  Sebastian humorously theorizes the family’s backstory, becoming temporary ‘protector’ of the unattended boy and psychoanalyzing the dad's role from a distance. (29:07)

• Sebastian’s “leading by example” never works:
  He refuses the on-board meal, hoping his restraint will influence others—never does. Pete:
  “People don’t learn from example anymore. You gotta be dramatic if you want to change behaviors!” (33:13)

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3. Neighborhood Dog Attack – “Pulling a Pete”

(35:17-46:52)

• Pete lives up to his hothead reputation:
  Walks his dog Duke in the dark, is charged by two neighbor dogs. Shouts and curses at the neighbor to get his dogs “in line.”
  Pete, in full meltdown: “People haven’t heard the F bomb out loud in this neighborhood since 1987, and I dropped like five!” (39:22)

• Aftermath at home:
  Jackie (his wife) and daughter Sadie are mortified.
  Pete: “Jackie had that look like, ‘Fuck, I gotta live here… now the whole neighborhood hates us.’” (35:46)

• He calls his brother for validation:
  Brother relates his own Walmart parking lot blow-up, concluding:
  “Those people don’t respond to subtlety. They hear ‘fuck,’ they respond to ‘fuck.’” (41:00)

• Sebastian’s scale of anger:
  Sebastian: “Your 10 (on anger) is always just under the surface, a shark in shallow water. My 10 swims deep. If it comes out, you’re getting stabbed!” (43:11)

• Neighborhood “reputation building” and remorse:
  Jackie dreads Pete’s outbursts for making local life awkward. Pete, reflective:
  “I rarely, an hour later, go, I’m so glad I did that. I’m always like, I literally thought about bringing a guy a bottle of wine—his dog attacked me, and I’m bringing over a Merlot.” (45:00)

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4. Police Pullover Tutorial – “How To Ace A Traffic Stop”

(46:52-73:18)

• Sebastian gets pulled over by a motorcycle cop, notes the “Raleigh Fingers” mustache:
  “Guy looked like he could be a bartender at a high-end craft cocktail joint!” (53:30)

• Step-by-step: how Sebastian nails the interaction:

  • Pulls over quickly, no drama
  • All windows down (“No surprises here. I don’t crack the window, none of that YouTube license/registration game.” 50:32)
  • License and insurance out before cop approaches (50:32)
  • Hands at 10 and 2 (“Everything on the dash. I am putting you at ease 100%. No surprises.” 53:11)
  • Admits to phone use (calling, not texting—doesn’t argue, just nods) (54:07)
  • Insurance and registration are laminated (“This shit looks like it’s state-issued, bro.” 58:51)

• Big takeaway:
  Sebastian: “I want this to be used as a tutorial in classrooms across the country.” (61:35)

• Cop ends with “Have a blessed day,” which baffles Sebastian (61:19)

  • Is that universal or too religious to say on duty? Did the cop reward his compliance with this extra kindness?
  • Pete speculates: “Maybe he said 'blessed' because you were so good, it's a higher level of thanks.” (62:32)

• Laminate-level neatness triggers suspicion:
  Pete wonders if being “too clean” and super-prepared sends hitman vibes:
  “You ever see a hitman when he’s gotta get away, pulls out a passport from the safe? You’re so organized, it’s unbelievable!” (59:25)

• Judge Roleplay:
  If Sebastian fought the ticket:
  Sebastian as himself in court: “Your honor, if that’s against the law, I apologize and I assume full responsibility.” (67:51)
  Pete: “Guy would waive it, just for the classiness.”

• Do quotas really exist? Sebastian: “It was October 31st, maybe he had to meet his quota..." Pete is skeptical. Both agree cops have a tough job in unpredictable situations.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Flannel/Holiday Brooding

• Sebastian (on Pete’s clothes):
  “If you have eyeballs, you notice that Pete has what looks like a flannel, something maybe a lumberjack would have on.” (01:19)

Zoom Banter

• Sebastian: “Let’s get rid of small talk in life.” (08:14)

Airplane Switching

• Pete (ruling on the seat dispute):
  “The real asshole is the mom…The heavyset lady with the chips, she’s an animal, but she’s not doing anything she’s not allotted to do for what she paid for.” (24:20-25:24)

Dog Attack

• Pete (defending himself):
  “I dropped, like, five [F bombs]! People haven’t heard that in this neighborhood since 1987!” (39:22)
  Sebastian’s analogy for Pete’s anger:
  “Your 10 is just under the surface—a shark in shallow water. Mine’s 100 feet deep, but if it comes out, you’re getting stabbed!” (43:11)

Cop Mustache & Pullover Tutorial

• Sebastian (on the cop):
  “He’s got a Raleigh Fingers mustache. This guy looked like he could be a bartender at a high-end craft cocktail joint!” (53:30)
• Sebastian (setting the tutorial):
  “Windows down. Hands at 10 and 2. License and insurance laminated on the dash. I am putting you at ease 100%. No surprises.” (50:32-53:11)
• Sebastian (lamenting getting the ticket anyway):
  “Doesn’t cool account for anything? Like, you know, you got an F on the test, but you’ve just been a joy to have in class?” (68:24)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Flannel and Zoom banter: 01:19–08:59
• Plane seat-switching saga: 12:50–33:34
• Neighborhood “blow-up” with dogs: 35:17–46:52
• Police pullover masterclass (“cop mustache”): 46:52–73:18
• Chart rankings, wrap-up, shoutouts: 73:18–end

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Tone & Style

• Conversational, observational, self-deprecating, and infused with both Italian guilt and blue-collar righteousness.
• Both hosts are quick to poke fun at themselves, psychoanalyze their own pettiness, and dig deep on the minutiae of social behavior.

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Summary

“COP MUSTACHE” is a perfect slice of Pete & Sebastian’s world—a blend of rich observational comedy, relatable daily headaches, and a running “what’s wrong with people?” subtext. From airplane etiquette to being pulled over, the duo dissects modern life’s awkwardness, always searching for the lost art of basic decency (and questioning if it ever really pays off). It’s everything fans love: ranting, overthinking, big laughs, and honest reflections—plus a public service announcement in how (not) to behave.

For comedy fans and everyday grinders alike, this episode is a guide to surviving—and finding humor in—life’s nonstop social puzzles.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[B]

This is the Pete and Sebastian show with Pete Corieli and Sebastian Maniscalco.

[A]

Well, I know you got your trouble, Pete Sebastian Show. If you're watching this, if you're a viewer, if you have eyeballs, you notice that Pete has what looks like a flannel, something maybe a lumberjack would, would have on cotton wood. I don't know if this is the attire out in Rochester. If you're fitting in with the community. I've never seen this look on you before. Could you please shed some light here on the wardrobe today?

[B]

I, I got three of them. I've worn one before. It was a blue one. It's a little more subtle. You didn't have a comment. It's the season, bro. We got snow on the ground. It's 37 degrees out. It's Thanksgiving season. I figured, let me mix it up with a flannel and, you know, while we're talking weather, it's interesting you bring that up. I had a Zoom call yesterday with an agent out in la. First of all, they always got to tell you the reason for their setup. I'm in my son's room now because I don't, I don't give a fuck whose room you're in. I don't care, right? But the sun's coming through and someone else on the call goes, oh, was it 70 degrees out there? And he goes, ah, 80, you know, and it's like everything that happens in California. I, when I hear comments like that, it makes me think that you guys deserve it. A little bit, you know? You know what I'm saying? Bragging because you moved somewhere where it's warm, so now you're bragging about the weather. I just. What do you think about that?

[A]

I would say that, but then I would. Then you never do that.

[B]

12 years, you never throw that.

[A]

Okay, if I were to say, oh, it's 80, I would then follow it up with, but there's a guy pissing on my windshield right now. And, you know, you gotta.

[B]

That makes you like it.

[A]

Yeah. You can't just, like, brag about the weather and not, like, give a negative about the city. You know, you gotta, like, yeah, it's beautiful weather out here, but while we're talking, my house is getting robbed.

[B]

Or it took me three and a half hours to go 10 miles, but the sun was shining through the windshield the whole time, Right?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Let's not forget the negative. Don't, Don't. You could give a positive, but you gotta give a negative. So I agree with you.

[B]

But the trees were coming through in his backyard. I might even have heard birds. And I've lived there for a year. It is insane. Like, if God said, you as a human, you pick it. You pick the weather you want. I'd go, you did good. I'll just go, what you got going here? Like, it's perfect, bro.

[A]

Yeah, I know. The weather is something else. And now that you're talking about the zoom and people have to explain, here's the problem I got. And I don't know what you do on zoom calls, but I don't need to see an artificial background on the zoom call, okay? Because some people will put, like, a landscape of an ocean behind them, a fake living room or whatnot. Because the whole time I'm looking on your fake background, I'm thinking, what's behind that? Like, what are we covering?

[B]

That's an interesting thought. What am I not seeing? Give me a flash of what I'm not seeing before we go back to that.

[A]

Yeah, because. Yeah, because have you ever been on a zoom call where they lose the background and then you get a glimpse of, like, what's going on in the real house and go, holy, Right? It looks like. It looks. A lot of the times, it looks like the home is about to get raided for bodies in the basement.

[B]

It definitely. Have you seen a backdrop to what you're saying and made you, like, you're thinking about doing business with the guy, then you see the real backdrop and you're like, this is done.

[A]

That's what I Feel like. I feel like if you saw the real setup, it would limit the business opportunities moving forward. That's why they got to put a fake C behind them, because if they saw my living room and the underwear all over the place, I'm losing the deal.

[B]

And, you know, I hear you. So yesterday I had this. I had the white wall, by the way, this is a stand now, so it's not gonna fall down with duct tape like last episode. So I put this up, and then as soon as the call started, this is another problem.

[A]

I would.

[B]

Zoom. Everybody's got a comment on everybody's backdrop, right? Oh, Pete, looks like you're taking prom photos. This is a fucking backdrop for a hit sitcom that dropped to number 42 last week. Agent Guy who Makes. Yeah, Anyway. Yeah, so. But why. I want to ask you this. What's your take on getting rid of small talk completely altogether on a meeting? So when the zoom comes on. Zoom. Hey, Sebastian. So this is when we were thinking about releasing the special, and this is why. And just boom. Like, we talk about everyone's backdrop. We. Can we just get to the part where whatever I'm trying to do doesn't happen. And you're explaining to me why it's fucking not happening, because that's. That's my entire career, my Zoom calls. And with. Well, we tried. Guys, Never ever do I end a Zoom call. And I can't wait to celebrate with you guys, ever, bro. I'm a grinder through and through. Shit.

[A]

I do agree with you, though, and I have mentioned this on many Zoom calls. I said I don't like the little banter prior to the meeting started, while we have to wait for everybody to populate in.

[B]

That's torture. That's torture. I'm telling. Now everybody's on. Is everybody here now? We're all here. That's what they say. We're all here. But they don't. They were all here. Okay, Mike, that's a hell of a bad guy. Now we're doing. But you're right. The pre. That's. Bro.

[A]

That's like angst.

[B]

It gives me angst.

[A]

There's eight people that's supposed to be on the call, right? So then you pop in and it's you and another person. So it's only two people. We gotta wait for six. Now it's you with the other person. So you're like. Where are you calling from? I'm in Ohio. Oh, yeah. How's it going? It's like, oh, God.

[B]

Oh, God.

[A]

That's what I mentioned. I mentioned this on the call. I go, I'm not into the like everybody doing fake chatter prior to this, like they actually care about what's going on. One guy said, sebastian, that's why you got to have your camera off and your audio off. And then when everybody's on, then you pop in. So you don't. You're dark. You're there, but you're dark. You're just waiting. And then everybody here. And then boom. All right, let's go. What's going on? And then right into it. Rather than this lingering conversation about nothing. I'm not into that small talk. Let's get rid of small talk in life.

[B]

I agree, I agree. And it's. But I don't know, man. Sometimes when you like I've walked past, I don't want to stay on the zoom too, but I've walked past neighbors where I'm like, I'm not going to say anything unless they see me. I'm just not into talking. And then they don't turn around because I truly don't think they see me. But another part of me is like, maybe they already saw me and they're not turning around. But you walk past. Like the guy's on his driveway and I'm walking past the dog five feet away, ten feet away. It's weird not saying anything. It's inhumane, it's animal esque, almost animalistic. Like I feel like, I mean that's just two bears walking by in the woods. Like you gotta say fucking weather something, right?

[A]

Don't you say.

[B]

It'S quick.

[A]

It's not like you stop. It's in the course of walking. Just a nod and just I get an acknowledgement. That's all you need. You don't gotta say how the weather, it's just a head down and get.

[B]

That one head down and go. And the problem with the small talk on Zoom before everyone's on as well. I like his style, but I can't totally do that by the way, get on last. Cause sometimes I'm taking more often than not meetings with someone who I need their help. So I, I feel like it's better for me to be on when they get on. So I look like I'm ready to go. You know, I'm gonna get ahead of hbo. I'm gonna bop on like I was there the whole time and just flip my light on. He'll be like, this guy's an asshole. I'm done. And not to make you feel uncomfortable, but you're a. You're a star. So, like stars, if you're on first, I'd be waited out. I'd call the other writer and go, what the fuck is Sebastian? Or yeah, because. Because when I was pitching with the other writer, what we would do is I would text him, I go, let me know when you're going on. And then he'd go, all right, let's go right now. All right, I'm going on. So we'd come on at the same time. So I didn't have to have small talk with people because I hated it. But when you. Last thing I want to say about it is when someone you don't know that well, you ever have this way, they're hitting you with small talk before everyone's on. And they could say something like, yeah, my sister got really ill. And then all of a sudden somebody else pops up and you go, teddy, there you are.

[A]

Hold on.

[B]

Say, hold on, Ted. Kevin's just saying that his sister's dying. All right, go ahead, finish that. Yeah, it's so fucking weird. Do you address the person who popped on or do you just keep talking? You know?

[A]

Yeah, it's like a zoom etiquette. I mean, I feel like if people start coming on and you're having a conversation with that person, you. You need to stop and say, oh, I'm sorry, everybody. We're just talking about Lucy's sister. She's got, you know, terminal cancer. Anybody else?

[B]

Oh, shit.

[A]

God.

[B]

I don't like any of it, bro. I don't like any of it.

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[B]

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[B]

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[A]

I got a plain story that I need to lay out for you. All right, so I went to Boston, I did this charity event, Comics come home, Dennis Leary, nothing but great things to say about you. He told me a story about, he goes, oh, I love Pete's wife, Jackie. He goes, I remember when they came to the show, Pete asked me, what kind of jeans those are, nice jeans. What kind of jeans are there? And Jackie piped in with Pete, those jeans are worth as much as your wardrobe.

[B]

She's like, yeah.

[A]

And she's like, oh, I love, you know, just a great time, great couple. And Pete killed it and this all and that. So he had nothing but great things to say. So I love that guy. Robert Kelly was there.

[B]

Love that guy.

[A]

He was funny.

[B]

It was funny.

[A]

Just like, it's fun to hang out with comedians and backstage. Cause a lot of times you don't get to do that on the road. I mean, you know, obviously we travel together, but when you with Conan o' Brien was there and it's just a fun atmosphere. So I did the show. Now on the way back, I get on the plane and I'm in the aisle seat, there's a seat next to me, window seat. And I see a woman coming down the aisle with like a 12 year old son. And I know she's looking at her seat and I know right away that they're separated. They're going to be. They're not sitting together. I could just tell them just on the, you know, the whole looking around, I'm like, there you go. I'm going to get asked to switch. Okay? So the woman goes, hey, sir, I'm so sorry, but my son and I are separated. Would you mind taking the window seat now? I don't do window right. It's because of the claustrophobia. I can't be pinned into the window. I give my anxiety, but it doesn't matter.

[B]

I mean, I respect that. But if I have an aisle, a window is a lesser fucking seat. It's a lesser seat. Don't ask me to take it if that's not what I paid for.

[A]

Okay, so, well, a couple questions popped up for me here. When you're telling somebody you don't want to switch, do you have to give them a reason or can you go, nah, it's all right.

[B]

That's a really good question, bro. You technically you don't. But attaching an excuse, I've seen guys do it with the no, no. They just say no. And I'm like, wow, that was Kind of mean, but it was also like efficient. Yeah, well, nobody stands and tries to figure it out. They're just like, this guy's fucking move on to find somebody nicer because you're talking to an asshole.

[A]

I agree with half of that. Because. Because the other half of that is like, if you go hard, no, you got to sit next to this person for six hours, right? So it's like now there's like some, there's like a weirdness over the thing. Oh, Jesus, I gotta sit next to this. Like when you look at it, when you lay down on these airplanes, they're like, you're closer to that person sitting next to you than you are your wife in bed, right? So it's like way closer.

[B]

Especially if you got a king, a king bed, you know, I could do this and not touch my wife. This person is like, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I mean, you're practically coddling with the person. Then you're gonna hard know it. So I, I go to her, I go, listen, I can't do it. I got claustrophobia. And if I put get there, I get anxiety. I can't. I, I would love to help you out, right?

[B]

So I give her, wow, that's nice of you.

[A]

She goes, I totally understand. Okay. So now her son goes into the. And the kid's 12. It's not like we're. It's an infant. Now if it's. Now if it's, if it's like a two year old, yes, I might have to suck it up for six hours, but then I'm going to be going nuts in there, man. I'm going to really have a hard time. So there's a lot going, but it's 12, so it's like 12 years old. I mean, come on, this kid's almost driving, right? So the kid goes, window. She goes to the window. Now we're waiting for the other person to come, right? So she's not taken her seat yet. She's standing, waiting. So of course, woman starts to come down the aisle right now, right away, just on sight alone. I go, this woman ain't moving. This is.

[B]

Overweight.

[A]

Disheveled, and. How could I put this? Kindly, like I would equate it to your local barista at Starbucks type. You know what I'm talking about?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

After she makes the. She could be on a protest.

[B]

I was literally about to say, gets off her ship, gonna talk about her seat in terms of I have a right to this seat, you know, like that kind of. I'm right There with you. Plus, based on the physical description, sounds like this lady could need a bathroom, like, at any moment. You know what I'm saying? And she knows that.

[A]

Well, it's funny, you say that woman goes, do you mind if you switch? And the look of disgust that comes over this woman, you know, like the facial. Like. Like, she's like, how dare you? She's like, no, I need the bathroom. And then she just sits down. Yeah, asshole. But gave an excuse, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then. And then the woman's kind of defeated, goes back to her seat. Yeah. Now with one eye, I'm looking at this girl set up. And it's funny how you could just. You could just see it coming. The setup with Stanley cup, you know.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

You know, put. Putting. Putting shit in the. In the pocket, you know, like. You know how people, like, set up for the flight?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

You know, like. Like they got to get all their accoutrements out. Like Kleenex and here's my book I'm going to read. And let me put my head. You know, the whole thing. I do that in a way where you look over at my seat and go, jesus Christ, where did he get headphones? You know, like. Yeah, like, it comes out, but it comes out sporadically over the flight. I don't, like. I don't, like, pitch my tent and get out the grill all at once, right? It comes out and go. Like, you look over the next time and go, he's got a protein bar. Like, you didn't see that up until when I needed the protein bar. You know, saying, you know what I.

[B]

Like about that move, too? And a lot of people don't realize this. And you almost just happen to you. Anything can happen before takeoff that makes you have to move your seat. A lot of things can happen, right? Nothing more embarrassing than the. Oh, I gotta move. Let me get my pen.

[A]

Let me.

[B]

Jesus Christ. You got a fucking zip code here too, lady? Holy shit. Was five minutes. So all I have is phone. I don't even. I don't even buckle my seat till they say the airplane door is closed. You know what I'm saying? All the rugrats are going to start moving around to move their seats, and I don't know how that's going to play out. So. Yeah, I love you. Move. Did she wipe down the seat with a fucking.

[A]

Yep, that came out. The. The Lysol wipes, you know, And I'm going, lysol wipes. You didn't even shower this morning. You didn't even Clean yourself. And now you're cleaning the tray table. You can't fuck out.

[B]

Should leave the wipe for the next guy who's got to sit in your seat. Let him know, should leave a photo of you. He'll go, oh, thanks for the photo and the wipe. Jesus Christ. Yeah, I know. It's just. Okay, I know the type, bro, and the type that, like, I would offend within a 15 minutes of a conversation. She'd hate my guts. Oh, 15.

[A]

3. 3 minutes. So I turn to the woman and I tell her, I have to apologize again. I feel so bad. I go, I know how you feel. I have kids of my own. And if I got on an airplane and I was sitting away from him.

[B]

What is all this?

[A]

No, bro, you gotta, like, sympathize. I feel like I had to tell her. I know her plight. I feel for you. Just one more. And even though I said no, I'm upset. I'm upset. Tell me if they think this is psychotic. I'm upset that this woman said no. I said no. But I'm upset that this woman said no. Because the way she's her whole. You know, like, the whole thing. I need the.

[B]

Right, right, right.

[A]

So now this is how sick. I'm gonna go, you know what? I'm gonna stay up and clock this woman to see how many times she goes to the bathroom. Because she said she needs the bathroom. Like she's got a urinary tract infection, right? Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. She's gonna be getting up every half an hour to go take care of whatever she's got to take care of. So I'm like, okay, I'm gonna see how valid this. Okay. So then we're up in the air. I look over, here we go. Laid flat down. Flat laying down. IPad on the belly. And I'm just watching the iPad off her belly. I'm like, you know, there we go.

[B]

This is.

[A]

This is like she brought. This is what she does at home. And now she's bringing and opens up a bat. A bag. We're not talking some of the. We're not talking a little bag of chips you buy at Hudson News. We're talking a bag of Ruffles she brought from home. Yeah, the ruffle bag was bigger than her carry on. Yeah, right.

[B]

She was. You don't know. And then. Go ahead. Eating.

[A]

Eating the Ruffles while watching the iPad laying down. I'm like, easy, crazy. I wouldn't even given this woman a seat on the plane, let alone. So. And I'M sitting there singing. Why am I so upset?

[B]

I can't wait to interrupt to say that. I can't wait to interrupt to say that.

[A]

Go ahead.

[B]

First of all, you must be going through some male menopause. You really must be. Because first of all, you gave the woman a reason already that was above and beyond the claustrophobic thing. Da, da, da. Then you hit her with a second. Sorry. Only because the lady next to you, you don't like her. So now you go, I'm giving a double sorry. So. But like, this is where I'm losing you and you're not being. You did somebody. I don't know what's going on with you because like, who's really in the wrong here? Who's really the asshole? The asshole is the lady with the 12 year old kid. Because you can't. This is what we're asking her to do. Sit here, two seats, and then her son. You doing okay over there, Johnny? Oh my God, is that so hard to do? You even said it. You're 12. That lady's the asshole for coming up and making anybody do anything. The heavyset lady with the chips, she's an animal, no doubt about it. But she's not doing anything that she's not allotted to do for what she paid for.

[A]

Boom. I would agree with you.

[B]

I would agree with you. And thank God you're not always the way you are right now because this show would be bouncy as shit right now. Holy. I apologized again.

[A]

No. Cause the woman, again, I feed off energy. The woman was nice about it and she wasn't demanding. There's some people that come in and go, would you mind switching? No, really, you know, like, she wasn't like that. She was a sweet woman that she.

[B]

Said, oh, you're already making me say something. The heavyset lady, you're making her say something that she doesn't want to say. She doesn't want to come on and be mean to somebody. So no matter how nice you're being, asking me, you're making me now be mean to you in front of everybody when I say no. And I don't think it has to. I have to pee every five minutes. But at that situation, physically, she may have to pee or poop at any moment. Like, gotta get, you know, bowel situation, like shit myself if I have to wait for you to get up and get out of my seat so I can go.

[A]

Sorry, I just, I just, I just, I like the. I like the woman that asked me to switch. That's it's the way she did. I was on her team. Even though it was. She even told me. She's like, we got upgraded and so. Okay, upgraded. And they got the first class and they got switched.

[B]

Oh, my God. Yeah. Got upgraded and it's still not good enough. You're upgraded and now you want us to move our seats around, who already paid to be up here. Wow, this lady really got. She's just like, God damn. I'm surprised you didn't bring her home. Her and her son say, lana, damn, they're going to live in the guest house through. Through the holidays.

[A]

The more and more I think about it, you're right. Fuck this lady.

[B]

Get back to the show.

[A]

I might have felt this way if the other lady wasn't such an asshole.

[B]

But if that lady got there in time to hear your version, she could have said, well, why don't you sit by the window, and I'll sit here and clock how long it takes you to freak out, right? Like, you're gonna watch, see if I'll piss, and I'll see if you freak out because. But I think it's a. It's a. It's. Bro, the window seat sucks. I didn't pay for that. I paid to not have somebody do this to me. I paid for that.

[A]

So I feel. And the woman. The woman even said that in her. In her defense, she said, I know you. You. You want what you pay for. I totally get it. That's what. Okay, so halfway into the flight, and some guy comes down the aisle and starts talking to the kid because this one's sleeping out next to me was talking to the kid, and I'm like, what the hell is this guy? Was he doing, like, human trafficking? What's. What's this guy talking to the kid for? You know, like, I feel now I'm on watch for this kid because the mother sleeps, right?

[B]

The whole row. You're like a family. Before you. The heavy lady's like, you know, assistant that drives you nuts. I don't know what's going on with this lady. One big family this whole row. You feel responsible for everyone.

[A]

I felt responsible for the kid. So I go, oh, is this the father? So then I got to thinking, wait.

[B]

A minute, wait a minute.

[A]

They're all a family, but the father's in one row one. We're in row five. He's coming back to check on his. So I'm thinking, why didn't the father ask anybody up front if they wanted to switch so he could sit next to the son. Then I'm thinking, oh, maybe. I don't know why I'm thinking these things, though. So I'm thinking, oh, maybe they don't. Maybe it's like she watches the kid no matter what. Like, it's like he don't do that. Right? Like.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's like he gets on the plane and go, he had first. This is what I thought he had first class.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he put his wife and kid in the coach, right? And then they got bumped up. And now she texted him, hey, do you mind switching with the guy next to you? He goes, I ain't asking this guy next to me. Fuck you. You deal with it back there. And he come back every once in a while. You all right, Johnny? All right. I gotta go close a business deal up front. Like, I felt like the father was completely detached from his family and so focused on work. That again. Here I'm thinking this.

[B]

Love it.

[A]

On the flight, I'm like, trying to figure out the dynamics of the family.

[B]

Why. That's. That's bro. Why does. Why does da Vinci sit around and try to figure out, when you put something in the air, it falls down, Forget it, he's rolling. Why does Picasso can't not paint at any given moment? That's why you make all the money you make. Your mind is content constantly thinking that way. Constantly. Like, what's this? You know, it's. It's. It's like. And, you know, people like, you know, maybe your wife will say, you know, that's what you do with your time. And you're like, you almost want to go, what are these? What are you doing? How are you not thinking that? What is everybody else thinking that? Just blah. That's why when you go on stage and you bring this shit to the stage, people like, oh, like, I never thought about that. You're like, because you were reading Jackie. Because I always go with Jackie. I'm like, you know, just the other day, we're watching something. Oh, the guy. It was Food Network and this guy Jesse something. He does the Bake Off. He used to be the backup quarterback for the Giants, New York Giants, and now he does Bake Off Holiday Bake Off. And he's been doing it for 10 years now. And I said to Jack, when he's, like, holding up the baked goods, like, you think he ever has a moment where he's like, that My friends are all, like, in football, like. Like, just embarrassed by, like. And she's like, what? Why do you even. Like, everyone's just watching the show. Why do you think that, like, that's good stuff is right, bro. So I love the gold.

[A]

Is. That's. What do you think?

[B]

Do you think. I think this family was so selfish that she goes, why don't you try and get a seat for our boy up by you? And the dad's like, oh, then he won't be able to stretch out because I got the bulkhead. Try to do something back there. Like. Like just every step of the way, these people just want more and more and more, but they. They say it in a charming, charming way. I can't. Can't take that move.

[A]

Oh, man. Yeah. I don't know, man. I don't know. And again. And I. I brought this up on the cast many times before. I declined the food for six hours, hoping. Hoping to God this woman with the chips would go, did he just. Did he just decline the meal? Yeah, for six hours. Right. And, like, follow suit. Right, right. That never happens. And I don't know why that I'm trying to influence the entire plane not to eat. What is wrong with me?

[B]

You try to. It's interesting you came up last night with Sadie. I said something, but because of the way you are, you. You try to lead by example. It's dead. That's dead. That. That method don't work anymore. That's why when I pull Pete's and stuff, and, you know, people like, are you so loud?

[A]

Or whatever.

[B]

That. That's the. That works. Like, if you said, I don't want the food. I can't believe all these people are eating the food. Yeah, they're like, something like that. Something over the top, but they don't notice. They don't le. They don't learn from example anymore. You know what I'm saying? Those days are over. They really are. Was it over when the Germans bomb Pearl Harbor?

[A]

Hell no. Germans.

[B]

Forget it. He's rolling. And it ain't over. Now the Pete and Sebastian show. Pete Corelli is on tour. I'm like, I'm excited to be here in Toledo. Some woman up front leans over and yells out, technically, you're in Perrysburg. I go, technically, I'm not excited to be here.

[A]

Catch Pete's. As I was saying, tour in a city near you.

[B]

Go to petecoreelli.com for tickets and info. Don't chew on that, Max Cooper loves that chew, too.

[C]

Oh, now he's into Cooper's food. Wow, he is loving it. What do you feed Cooper?

[B]

Blue buffalo Life protection formula. He never leaves a crumb.

[A]

I love it.

[B]

Because it's made with high quality protein.

[A]

Nutrient rich fruits and veggies and wholesome whole grains.

[C]

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[B]

I pulled a Pete last night for the first time with a neighbor in this neighborhood. And it was bad. And it was one of the. After I do it, I'm always like.

[A]

Because can I say before you get into this story. Absolute.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Talk about getting the show back to normal. Because I was getting a little tired of, oh, the neighborhood's great and the trees, and we just found Utopia. All right, now we're getting into the, like, all right, this place ain't as good as we thought it was. That's where I want to live.

[B]

Well, so. Well, let me just start by saying the end part of it is after I went home and explained it to Jackie and Sadie, they were both like, you know, Jackie had that look she gets where she's like, fuck, I gotta live here, you know? Like, I'm already, like, making it awkward. Like, now I can't go down that block, you know, but. And. And Sadie's like, dad, you know, and she like, shaking her head. And I go to Sadie, I, you know what, Sadie, this is why. This is why dad likes, you know, Mr. Sebastian. I have fun with him all the time. This is why she goes, what do you mean? I go, because he would have did what I did. And if he didn't do what I did, he would have said what I did was the right thing to do. I don't need this from you and your mother. I go, I don't need this from you and your mother. Oh. Anyway, so this is the deal last night. It's. It's. I don't know, it's. We have no street lights. It's fascinating here. It's really awesome. It gets pitch dark. The whole neighborhood has no street lights. So when you walk at night, it's like, I don't know, it's 7 o', clock, 8 o', clock, at night, but it's already pitch dark. You know, it's getting dark at five here. You walk with. You got to put a collar on the dog to light up the dog. And I have a little plastic, like, lantern thing that we walk with. So when people walk there, guy, it's you Utopia. It's awesome. We're walking with lanterns. Yeah.

[A]

What. What are we waiting for? Paul Revere to come down the street.

[B]

There's no sidewalks, so you're in the road, and a lot of people have electric guitar, electric cars, so they sneak up on you, so you got to have the lantern. So they go, oh. When I first backed out at night here, I was like, holy shit. So, all right, I'm walking the dog, pitch dark. I come around the bend, and I hear two dogs coming at me. Growl, like, so loud and so fast from about half a football field away, maybe. And the guy whose house it is, I've admired his house in the past, too. It's a nice house. Is screaming like, blood curdling to the dogs. Whatever. Come on. Come on. Like, screaming like a lion got loose. And I got the dog, and I don't know. I'm not gonna outrun these things. I can't tell how big they are. I'm just like. Literally, it's like you just brace for impact. Like, here they come. They come so fast. One of them comes by, takes a bite out of it, tries to bite the dog, and. And they slide past because they were coming so fast. Then they turn around in the road like that, and they come towards us. And I'm kicking one. Get the. Out of you. Get them. And I'm kicking it, and it nipped my foot. And they weren't pit bulls, but they were bigger than. Than Duke. And then the other one's trying to get a Duke, get out of here. And the whole time, he's still screaming and coming further over. Now he's about 50ft away. And they finally respond, and they. And they run back to him. My heart is pounding. I can't make him out. I can't make the dogs out. I'm to going, jesus Christ.

[A]

What the.

[B]

Jesus Christ, man. Holy shit. Get a hold of your dogs. Jesus. And I'm saying it because I said it like, three or three or four times. And then he goes, I'm sorry. He doesn't even say it apologetically. Like, he just goes, sorry. And I go, well, then say so. And then he goes, well, I would have. If you would have gave me a sec. Like, oh, like, he was about to say it in, give him enough time to say sorry. He goes, well, I would have. I go, if I would have what, guy? If I would have what? The second time your dog did that? Because now I remembered that it did it. Jackie mentioned that I was walking the dog, and the dog attacked Duke and didn't bite him or anything, but the guy didn't even care. Like, they finally ran off. He wasn't even like, sorry. That's why I said, this is the second time it happened. I don't know who the fuck you think you're dealing with, guy, right? I don't know who you think you're dealing with. Get your fucking dogs in line. Jesus Christ. And then he goes to, michael, let's just get your fucking dogs in line. And I keep going. People's windows are coming up. They haven't heard the F bomb out loud in this neighborhood since 1987. And I dropped, like, five. Oh, you dropped that? You let people know again, we're not playing games. Let's get down to the meat and potatoes. My heart is fucking pound. Then I come home, and I got such a lukewarm response from my wife and daughter. I come in, I'm like, it happened. I made it right. Jack, was that the house? That the guy? And she goes, yeah. I go, yeah, two attacked me. I go. One of them nipped me. And I don't think it nipped me, but I cursed and was so over the top that I'm going with a nip. You know what I mean? So just in case. In case I got. Because I. I literally thought that guy might come knock on the door and be like. Not want to fight me, but be like, lunatic, we need to hash this out. What the fuck? Because I went so nuts. But anyway, when I'm telling them, they're like. And Sadie goes, dad, those dogs aren't even that big. I go, I couldn't see him, Sadie. I don't know how big they are. Oh, my God, Dad. I go, why was that crazy? I just. Jack, he's like, you always go to 10. So that happens. So then I call my brother, and I don't talk much about my brother on the show.

[A]

I don't know why.

[B]

Maybe it's personal. I love the man incredibly to death, but he's so goddamn funny. I call him up and I go, man, I just fucking went off on this guy with his dog. I go like, nuts. And I'm like, do you ever. Because I go, dad, like, I'm not losing my mind. Dad was nuts.

[C]

Right.

[B]

With that? And he goes, yeah. I go, dad would, like, go from 0 to 10 all the time like that and then go back down to zero like 10 never happened, you know? So I go, but do you have that in you? And he goes. I go, do you go off on people? I. Are you giving me. Okay. I tell you, I ran down a guy in Walmart three weeks ago. I go, what do you mean? He goes, you know, when are doing that cutting across the parking lot the wrong way? He goes, I almost hit him. He just keeps going. I got all three boys in me. I drive up, he parks, I lock him up, I get out, he goes. I do a ring tap on the guy's window to get the out. I go, jesus Christ, you're gonna get shot. And I. And he goes, yeah, but, you know, my brother said to me, I was like, oh, my God. He goes, but he's not gonna. He's not gonna do that anymore. And I'm like. And the dog guy is gonna get them on the leash. Now, your ruffle lady, she's already probably eating chips on the next plane. Cause they don't see subtlety, guy. They hear fuck. They respond to fuck. Anyway, that's what I said to Sadie, you know, Mr. Sebastian would have probably. You would have been like me if someone attacked your dogs. Come on. You agree with me, bro.

[A]

That's why I left ownership. No, I agree. I mean, I don't like being surprised in the middle of the night with two dogs barking and, you know, I can't see anything.

[B]

Attacking. Attacking guy, not barking.

[A]

Yeah, an attack mode. Yeah. I don't. I have that in me. I have that in me the fuck. But I have to be provoked, and it has to be an intense situation for that side of me to come out. I feel like your 10 is just right under the surface. Right. Just like it's like a shark swimming in shallow water. It could come out at any moment. Right. My tent is deep, deep water, bro. We're talking. We're talking 100ft deep that shark's swimming, right? In order for it to get to the top, it's going to take a. A. A seal. You know what I'm saying?

[B]

Yeah. So, yeah, your 10 is probably.

[A]

I don't know if I would have.

[B]

Way more intense, though. Way more intense like your 10 if it does.

[A]

If it does come out. My 10?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Could get. Could get me stabbed.

[B]

Right, Right. See, like, people need therapy after hearing your 10 aimed at them. You know what I'm saying? So I don't so, Mike, it's like hot water, cold water. My hot water. I go, I don't have any medium water. It's hot water or cold water. But your hot water, you can boil eggs. With mine, you can take a nice bath, but you can't boil. Like, I don't think that guy. That guy, he shook it off. He shook it off a little bit, but he knows. But he knows. Okay, I don't need another lunatic like that.

[A]

No, but that guy's doing. How many houses down?

[B]

Well, right around the corner, maybe a quarter mile of. There's a track on the other side of the track. Like, you know.

[A]

Okay, so. So everybody between that guy's house and your house is now on alert. Because he's talking. He's going. He's going. Did you encounter the new guy yet in the flannel? A fucking psycho that lives in with his daughter and his wife. He dropped 17 F bombs the other night because my dogs got loose. And I thought he was gonna fucking shoot me in the head. So I wouldn't be surprised now if you take a walk and people are shutting their door, the garage goes down. Just take a look at how the neighborhood now is behaving when you start coming down.

[B]

I know that's why Jackie doesn't like it, man. And I don't want to do that, bro. I don't want to do that anymore. Like, you know, you say, oh, it's fun for the cast and stuff, but, like, I was like, damn, I am. I'm gonna do it the rest of my life. Because it's like, I was watching. Yeah, you watch that Ed Gein TV show, Ed Gein, which is very hard to watch. But remember the guy playing Anthony Perkins where he says every time he has sex with a man, he throws up right afterwards because something in his head is telling him it's wrong to be in love with a man. It was a part of that show. She was having therapy. Why do I throw up every time I'm done? And the woman, the psychologist, like, because something tells you that's wrong. I don't throw up. But every time I scream and yell at somebody, I rarely, an hour later, go, I'm so glad I did that. I'm always like, yeah, I literally thought about bringing a guy a bottle of wine. His dog attacked me, and I'm bringing over a merlot. This is like, you know what's going on? This is therapy for us when we talk to each other.

[A]

Yeah, no, but. But the blowouts are. Are kind of fun to listen to. I mean, I'm sure. I'm sure every time you pull a Pete, the audience perks up and like, maybe I feel like you. If somebody's running on the treadmill at a 7 and listening to this podcast and you go, I pulled a Pete. Oh, let me. Let me bring it down to a three and let me walk this one out, because I know I'm going to be laughing.

[B]

Maybe they pause and take votes. Who thinks we're going to agree with Pete and who thinks we're not? It's very scary, though. That's all I want to close. When two dogs come at you and you don't know what to do, it's terrifying. And in LA, it's three times as to terrifying in LA because it's a 90% chance it's a pit bull.

[A]

I know, I know, right? I heard Doberman or something that could kill you in one bite. I want to give you another scenario. And this is also leading by example. And I thought this was going to work, but it didn't. But I want to get your take on it. It's two weeks ago. I was driving. I just had a doctor's appointment, so I was driving back home and I was on the phone with my sister, lost the call, picked up the phone, got her back on the phone. And then I got a motorcycle cop comes right up to the passenger side like this. Pull over, right? He's got the phone out like this. Video or photo or. I don't know what it was. I don't know what he was doing, but he had a phone out and he was either taking snapshots in case I was gonna make a run for it, or he'd videotaped me on the phone. Like, I don't know if he. He video me using the phone. I don't know what it was. I don't know what it was up until.

[B]

So I pull over.

[A]

Again. I. I don't want to sound like I'm a model citizen and I'm bragging here, but I am.

[B]

Now you're setting an example. This is good.

[A]

Just the way I pull over, how quickly it happened. There was no indication that this was. This traffic stop was going to be a problem.

[B]

Do the.

[A]

To the compliance right from the start, because I was at a light, so I had to go through the light and then pull over. So as soon as I go through the light, I'm over. And then. And it's like, all right, we don't need to do the whole, you know.

[B]

Oh, my God, you like Keeping it so classy. You like me, guy with the lights come on.

[A]

Yeah, it's like the lights. If you. If you didn't. What are we doing the lights for? If you already told me to pull, you know, I'm saying, like, yeah, that was the light. You coming up with the video and saying, pull over. That was the lights. We don't light it up. We don't got to light it up.

[B]

Show, like, intimidation thing. I like the way you pulled over as if you're on a road trip with another car and they're like, tommy's got a piss. We got to pull over.

[A]

I just gave him a way. No, you know, like, so again, I don't know.

[B]

But they got it. They got a flash for him, though, so he don't get hit while he's. While he's walking up.

[A]

Okay. Whatever it is. But there was a. You know, like, I don't do. Is that. My question is. And it's all police officers out there. When you put the lights on, is there a sound associated with the lights? Or they put the lights on and then there's another button that goes.

[B]

It's a disco lights sound. So when he went to do the sound, he went, whoa, this guy's quick. And he turned it right back down. Oh, my God. I don't know. By the way, five. Oh, we nothing but love and support. And I know you know that too, bro. So continue, because this is. This is great tutorial for viewers when you get pulled. Okay.

[A]

I'm in an suv. I got two child seats in the back. All the windows go down. Every window I got goes down front and back.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

I go in the glove compartment, I take out my. My insurance, and then I take out my license. I put it on the dashboard. This is all while he's getting off his bike.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Windows are going down. This signifies to the police officer that I'm not making you guess who's in the back, right? I. I am. I am. I am putting you at ease. 100%. No surprises here. We don't crack the window. I've seen this move on, like, YouTube or where they crack the window. Yes, yes. License, registration. I don't need to do that. This. You know, like, you ever get these people that they got some weird, like, you can't ask me for my license and registration without it, and the next thing you know, they're getting fucking tased.

[B]

Of course they are. I'd like your supervisor. Oh, here we go.

[A]

The supervisor. But what is that? Is that I've been Hearing this a lot on YouTube. Can you. Could I talk to your Supervisor?

[B]

This ain't McDonald's, right?

[A]

You know, like, I'm out here alone, you know? Yeah, I am the fucking authority here. That's it.

[B]

Right.

[A]

What do you need? Like, like, is the supervisor. And this is another question that goes out to the police. Is the supervisor just riding around in a car in the vicinity of his other officers? And then, you know, his name is Frank. And then, hey, Frank, I got somebody over here that wants to fucking talk to you over on Fairfax. Can you get down here? Yeah, no, I'm just getting a coffee. I'll be right back. Or does he call his buddy and go, tommy, can you just get over here and act like you're the supervisor? What's going on with the supervisorship?

[B]

I think when two cops pull over, one doesn't even get out of car anymore because the first one goes, case they need a supervisor, just get out of the fucking driver's side, come over. Ridiculous, but it's no different. And then the other guy comes over. What's the problem here? You're all. When you ask for a supervisor, you're already going to jail. You're already. So let's just get to it.

[A]

Yeah, I've seen it so many times. Can I have a supervisor? 619. We're gonna get three back up here and just bring, bring, bring everything you got. You know, it's like.

[B]

I know. That's it. I'm gonna handcuff you as I get to supervisor. I'm gonna handcuff you. Right? Oh, my God. So, all right, where are the hands?

[A]

The hands are 10 and 2. Right. Love it. Everything is on the dash. Guy comes up to the car and I'm just gonna describe him. He's got a Raleigh fingers mustache.

[B]

Oh, nice.

[A]

Like a. What do they call those mustaches?

[B]

Where.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, it's curled. It's like a. Yeah, yeah. For those of you don't know, Rod Lay Fingers, he was a pitcher in the 80s who had, you know, this guy, this guy looked like he could be a. A bartender at a, you know, one of these high end craft cocktail joints.

[B]

Right, right, right.

[A]

So that threw me off.

[B]

I know that.

[A]

It's just like, you know, it's like I turned to my lap, like, Jesus Christ with the mustache. I clocked it and I said it in my head. Mustache.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

So he goes, you were texting and driving now? Was I texting? No, I was not. I had picked up the phone to call my sister, but like, did I. Whatever he said I did, I ain't disputing it. I'm not gonna go. No, I wasn't. We're not playing this game. So I did a move here where I would like to think that this guy, right now, as I'm doing this podcast, is sitting around with all of his other cop buddies going, I pulled this guy over two weeks ago. This is what he did. This is what I'm hoping. Talk about leading by example. All right. You were texting and driving. I just look at him. I nod. No talking. Okay. Get your license and registration insurance. I gave him what was on the thing right here. He goes, your registration is not in there. I was upset at myself.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

For not giving him the. All the information at once. I'm like, in my head.

[B]

Yeah. Fuck.

[A]

So I go back into my. And I was going to say it's in my glove compartment because I didn't want to startle him by just reaching over. Right. That could suggest a firearm. But also too. Guys, this is for the group. The fact that I got two child seats in the back should signify dad has a family, right? So this is all the stuff that is non verbal, that he looks and goes, oh, two kids. He's a family man. He maybe just dropped them off or what? Props.

[B]

I mean, didn't. I think your own character in bookie, when they had the baby, he was like, this is great for business having the baby in the back, right? It's to throw the scent off from the cops. They'll feel bad.

[A]

He's got two kids. If you're riding around town with two fake. Two fake kids that just to get out of tickets.

[B]

No, just the seats. Yeah, right.

[A]

That's what I'm saying. Like, if you're that psychotic, where you go, you know what?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm gonna put two child seats in the back of my car just in case I get pulled over. They're gonna think I'm a family man. That's. You gotta be psychotic to be doing that, right?

[B]

I don't know. I mean, did you listen to the first half of the show? You're losing it. Cause a lady's eating potato chips and I motherfuck the guy cause his dog barked at. Not exactly stable human beings here, bro. I don't think that's a. That's a stretch. People drive with dummies on the. On the p. On the. On the HOV Lane.

[A]

Yeah. Okay, okay.

[B]

Maybe you're thinking it's gonna work. Even you. You, like, put a couple of Child seats back there. I mean, not that you did it that way.

[A]

Yeah, but it's for real. I'm.

[B]

I'm thinking like. I'm thinking like, I see all that suv. You're giving me your stuff right away. You're being totally compliant. I'm like, this is. I'm charging you. What do they call total retail? Like the top price that you can charge someone. Is that right? I'm just giving you every ticket I can. Because you're not going to fight any of it, right? If you were one of those people. A window half open, and I need your name first, sir.

[A]

Oh, man.

[B]

But lucky if I get one violation written out of this pain in the ass.

[A]

Well, no, that's prison. You know, there's a balance.

[B]

Cameras now, too.

[A]

Listen, I would. I. Speaking of cameras, I gotta go back in my glove compartment, which is not part of my routine. I thought, damn it. This is so. I feel like that's a. Like a demerit against me. It's like I had an A, now I got a B because I gotta go back into. So I give it. Here's another tip for the group. All my information, my insurance card and my registration is laminated.

[B]

Oh, wow. I don't know. Is that legal? I thought that they need to be able to make sure, you know, that. That almost leads it to make me think it would be fake. No, that's beautiful. That is beautiful.

[A]

Beautiful. Like, he got clean, bro.

[B]

Clear.

[A]

It's not like the shit's got sauce on it or a burger juice or nothing. This shit looks like this is state issued. God, I would think he. I would think that he would get in and go, laminate, like, right. That's the reaction I'm looking for, going. He's gonna go, did you just laminate your Allstate insurance car?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Now I gotta laminate her at home.

[B]

But do you think that there's a chance, and I'm asking you, with windows coming down, both hands where they belong, laminated registration, that maybe this guy is trying to keep things so clean like that you could be a hitman or you could be somebody that doesn't want any suspicion on you at all? And now I am suspicious because laminated registration is insane. You know what I'm saying? You just said, who would put two car seats in the back? I laminate my registration. I mean, it's just reeks. Like, you ever see a hitman when he's got to get away and he goes to his safe and he pulls out a passport from somewhere? Else and the cash from that country. And all I'm thinking is, oh, my God, this guy is so organized. It's fucking unbelievable.

[A]

Right? That's what I'm not even thinking. He's a killer. I'm going to God. I. I wish I had his setup.

[B]

So beautifully set up. Yeah.

[A]

Okay. So I give him the information, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Now he goes back, and you just know you're not getting a warning when the length of the. The time he's back there is just writing you up. Right. So I know I'm getting a ticket. So he comes up and he goes, there you go, sir. Any questions? I just shake my head. And then he pulls this one, and this is where I get a little. You don't do this to people. He goes, have a blessed day. Hey, guy, what are we bringing God into this now? Blessed day. What's your take on just given, like, a religious salutation at the end of the ticket? What? Blessed.

[B]

But can you be. Can you be blessed in Hindu? Can you be blessed in the Jewish religion? Like, is that a term just for Catholicism to be blessed? Or is that, like, for any religion, Whatever religion you are? I want to hit you with a burst of it right now. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know. I don't know if that's. That's tied to one religion, but I took the ticket like a man. And again, this is my hope, wherever you are, cop. Or this goes out to the LAPD that. That whole interaction from start to finish was captured on his camera. And they are now using this footage. Right. As what. As what a citizen should do when he gets pulled over. I want this to be used as a tutorial in classrooms across the country.

[B]

Love it.

[A]

I'm like, oh, this is how you behave when you get pulled over.

[B]

From the moment you get pulled over to the moment the police officer. That should have been your only question, man. And by the way, I want to interject myself and say, I think he hit. You would have blessed instead of have a nice day or a good day because you were so good, you don't realize it. That's another level. He doesn't always hit. People would have a blessed day. You know, I think it was a higher level of thanks for what you did. Do we have anything on that?

[A]

It could have been. Could have been blessed is inherently religious. It's not really a tie to one particular religion. But maybe you're right. Maybe he just said blessed day because he goes, wow. If all my pullovers were that pleasant.

[B]

The way I felt about the Door coming at me, though. That is how a cop must feel every single time he goes up to a car window. And not only if they're showing you as a video. They should say, look at the way his hands are. Look at how all the windows go down. And not only do they say, you don't have to do this, but it would really also be helpful if you laminated like he did. So if you spray something on it. So every step of the way. And you didn't even mention this. But I've been in your cars. If you've ever been in a Sebastian Maniscalco vehicle, folks, it's cleaner than when you buy it, if that's possible. It's spotless. So as a police officer, I don't have to look through a Burger King wrapper in a newspaper to see if that's a gun barrel sticking out of the. I see everything the car has. You know what I'm saying?

[A]

Yeah, I think that's a good point, too. Even if this was in broad daylight, so you could see everything in the car. But you're right. You ever see those pullovers where the flashlight is in the car? Right. And the window itself looks like the person put their tongue on it. It's like the window needs a cleaning. And then you start looking in the car and there's like garbage, clothing, duffel bags. You don't know what the. It could be a body underneath one of these things. And it's like my car. You could see the vacuum marks on the rug, man. Just nothing. And I got kids. There's nothing in the car. I should have got let go alone for how neat the car looked.

[B]

Really, the whole. Why didn't you say when he said, any questions? I can't believe you didn't say. I just need to know, have you ever had as convenient of a pullover as this one from St. Yeah. I mean, just. Yeah, well, I should.

[A]

I should have hit him with that. I should have hit him. Like. Let me ask you, in all your years of being a cop, have you ever had the ease of this. This experience? I mean, this is. I should have said, when you go home to your wife tonight, I want you to talk about this pullover as being one of the most pleasant experiences you've ever had in your career. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Not only that, but I'm wondering if when he said to you at the end, any questions? A part of that was. Because I'm not even sure he was. This is his going in his head. I think he was texting it Was in his hand. He's not fighting me on it. He didn't even ask me how much it costs. He just. I don't know. He pulled right over, and he just can't. Like, there's so many reasons for you to maybe have a problem with this pullover, and you have no problem with it, that he's like, any questions? And you're like, no. All right. Like, even he was blown away. I don't think I get that when I. Is that a cop thing? Because when I get pulled over, I can't recall at the end that they ask me if I have any questions. They don't ask me.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, like, oh, like, where do I go to record? You know, there could be court, you know, but here's the kicker. People go, oh, go to the court date. He's not going to show up. That's what you hear a lot about these tickets. Oh, he won't show up today because in order for this to stick, he's got to show up to the court. But in this case, this guy's looking at this court date, and if I sign up to go, this guy's going, I gotta go to this court date and ask this guy. Or just to see what he's going to say. I would just think the experience was such that I need to see this man again.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To see what he says in court. If I go to the court. Right, and he don't show up, they dismiss it. And it's clean from my understanding. But if he's there and we got to fight this thing, you know what I would do? I would just go, your honor, I'm here. The gentleman, the police officer said I was texting. I think I did pick up my phone to call my sister, and if that's against the law, I apologize and I assume full responsibility. I would think even that the judge.

[B]

Would go, oh, oh.

[A]

Get out of here.

[B]

Waving it. We're waving it.

[A]

God, we're waving it. Classy guy, just admitting guilt. But the way I did, it would just go, you know What? Just.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. I don't know. It's funny, though. Like, you want to be rewarded for. You did the thing you're getting a ticket for.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because you're so cool about it, you want him to wave it.

[A]

Doesn't cool. Doesn't cool account for anything in these situations? Like, you know, you got an F on the test. But you know what? We're still going to pass you through because you've just been a joy to have in Class, right? Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

I know. I don't know, man. I'm surprised. I'm really surprised you got the ticket. I thought that was going to end what he was like, you know, next time, put it down. Be a little more careful. But, you know, I tell you why.

[A]

I got the ticket. This is another tidbit for all you people out there. It was October 31st. Halloween ended a month. Got to meet their quota because cops have a quota of how many tickets they should write.

[B]

I don't know if I believe I've been hearing that since 1975. Oh, meeting your quota, you're quoting. I don't think there's a quota anymore. I think that's a thing people say. It's very cliche to say. I think this is my theory. I know what you drive. I know it was an SUV, but it wasn't a, you know, fucking 2012. I think that the way you went about it, you thought you were coming across. I know you're looking at your stat there. You thought you were coming across as so nice, so complying. Windows down. Maybe to him it was like, I'm a rich guy. Windows are down. Write your fucking ticket. Boom. Let me get out of here. You know? Like, you don't think he felt maybe that was.

[A]

Mm. Mm. Nah. I don't give off that. I don't give off that energy. The windows were down. Not at the pullover. The windows were down when I shut the car off. But another thing, I shut the car off, which is not that. Don't keep the car running. Because then he's thinking, okay, if it's running, I'm gunning it. No, off. Everything's off. The cops do have a quota for ticketing, so that is a thing. All right? They have to meet. They have to meet their goals to avoid negative reports. So it is a thing. And I think he had to write some tickets because he was short on October 31st, and was my violation where I was texting like that? No, he picked. He was. I'm sitting here thinking, and I'm sitting here thinking to myself as I'm pulled over. I'm looking on the side of the road, and there basically is a tent that a guy set up with trash and grocery cart and a hibachi grill, and he's got his whole thing right next to a coffee place, right? And nothing. No ticket. I glanced at my phone to call my sister, and this guy has got a house on the sidewalk. That's all I'm gonna say.

[B]

Well, what he doesn't have is medical benefits, which is why we need to pull you over in your suv so we could take some of that money and give it to that guy to go get dental. Right. I mean, that's really how it works. And I know you don't give off that energy. I want to make that clear, too. You're not that kind of a guy. But, you know, you. You dress. You're dressed nice, you got a nice car, and you don't seem to care that you're about to get a ticket. So that could.

[A]

That's why I went. Obviously, I care. I mean, I don't want, you know, I don't want to be paying whatever $160 for, like, call sister, but also, I don't want to be fucking dragged out of my car and knocked over the head because, you know, I looked at the cop the wrong way.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know what I'm saying?

[B]

Beautiful pullover. I agree. Wouldn't you love to see the footage of it? If you could, like, have it. His body cam footage?

[A]

I might. You know what? This might be a thing. I might contact the cop and go. I gotta be honest with you. I mean, you guys get a bad rap a lot of the times because you're beating the shit out of people and what have you. And we're only seeing maybe one side of the video. Can I get the footage? Let's put it up on YouTube and let's start educating people on how to behave.

[B]

That's. That's. No, it's a real thing. Like, if you could get it and then you do that thing where, like, you're commentating on it as it's playing for social media. Notice how soon I pull over. Blinker on. Notice how quick. Da, da, da. Like, everything you brought up today. And then maybe even at the end, you have him come on at the end of the video. I'm officer so and so. Yes, that did occur. And if we had more out there like him, it'd be a safest place to drive.

[A]

Public service announcement.

[B]

Oh, my. Public service announcement. And it's going viral. Two birds, one stone, guys. I love it. Oh, fuck.

[A]

All right, listen. That's our time today. Pete and Sebastian. The knowledge that comes out of this show is paramount. I mean, what you learn on a podcast while laughing, I don't. Again, I don't think it's been done before. And that's the reason, my friend. After 13 years of being on the air, we, I think, have hit our highest ranking. It got to 42 on Apple Podcasts. And dare I say staying. Oh, normally we hit a high and then we just get filtered out into the ether. But I think as long as we keep this shit coming, by the way too, I must say. Yeah, what's that?

[B]

I guess I can't be wearing flannels if we're going to have 42 ratings consistently.

[A]

Nah, man. This is part of, this is part of the thing. And dare I say, and this is something that I don't think we've talked about publicly for the last, what, two, three months. Doing this.

[B]

For free.

[A]

We don't have a deal with anybody.

[B]

I don't want to get too personal on the situation here, but the Patreon money is part of goes to. We pay Patrick and cans for what they do. So we're not doing it for free. We've been paying for three months. We've been paying for the right to do this. It would be cheaper to just talk on the phone, literally. And Patrick does a great job. A great job and so does kids.

[A]

I'm just saying about that. I'm just saying that the level of commitment, right, is just outstanding. What are we looking at here, Patrick? We're looking at ranking since May. You've gone up 9, 8, 9 7, 12, 15 points since May in the.

[B]

Rankings if it went back up, up 15 slots to a number closer to number one.

[A]

So what does 23 mean on October 30th?

[B]

What does that mean in the category of comedy?

[A]

Comedy, interviews, TV and film? You guys are 23rd rank.

[B]

I'll do a chart comparison.

[A]

All right, we're going to do a chart comparison. But I got to tell the listeners thanks for listening because big time, whatever's happening out there, I think we're getting put into the algorithm. The Amy Polar thing did, did help. We got to thank Amy for having us on because that did definitely skyrocket us into the top 100.

[B]

So I don't even know if we talk much about that. I just want to say about her too. I mean, holy moly, was she such a nice person on top of everything else and being so talented. I mean, she was so nice.

[A]

So nice. She was anyway, great host and really, really helped us out. So we appreciate that, Amy, and we appreciate all of you for listening and watching Pete and Sebastian show. We'll be back next week.

[B]

Oh, everybody else is shell. We all have all crossed to bear. The show has ended. Your ruffle lady, she's already probably eating chips on the next plane. Cuz they don't see subtlety, guy. They hear they respond to.

[A]

And Doug. Here we have the Limu Emu in.

[B]

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[A]

Excludes Massachusetts.

[C]

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