← Intrusive Thoughts by Adam Rippon
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Hello, everyone, and welcome back to Intrusive Thoughts. I am your host, Adam Rippon, and this is Intrusive Thoughts by Adam Rippon. I hope that you are doing well. I am doing absolutely fantastic. I'm feeling good. I'm feeling great. And one of the reasons why I'm feeling great is because I, as I've talked about on this podcast before, I've mentioned it to the public, that I have been, and I say this in quotes, have been trying to, you know, in better English, I've said it. I have been trying to grow a mullet. And I do believe that I've finally grown it. And I have gotta say, the outpouring of support I've gotten is truly overwhelming. And I don't really even know what to say. I've gotten a lot of comments of, you know, did you get a perm? And I do want everyone to know that I did not get a perm. And not. I'm not sharing that to discourage any perm goers. I am just saying I personally did not. In fact, for like, the past many years, I've been doing the opposite of getting a perm and I've been getting Brazilian blowouts because I do have naturally curly hair. And I've got to tell you, as somebody with curly hair, getting a Brazilian. A Brazilian blowout did change everything for me. Because now having curly hair, again, I can tell you that I am burdened with the expectation of if I don't, like, rinse it every morning, I will look like I have been almost to the point of death, been electrocuted. And so that is just something that I do need to work with now. And I forgot about that because when you have a Brazilian. A Brazilian blowout, you can see like it's a. I can't even say the word Brazilian blowout without messing it up a little bit because it's just so foreign to me. Like, I can't believe people would do that to their hair now, you know, after having done it for about 10 years straight now, I can't even fathom the idea. Uh, but yeah, I do need to every single morning wet the head and gotta put that product in and big, huge shout out to Tracee Ellis Ross. I bet you didn't see that one coming because I am using her pattern cream and it does work. You know, I needed a curly hair product. And who better than, you know? Let's say it together. Tracee Ellis Ross. Huge shout out to her. Another thing I wanted to talk about was I have been trying to get into a better rhythm of, like, posting more regularly on social media. Because there's two parts of me, the Heckle and the Jekyll and the Hyde. The Heckle and the Jide. Okay, I'll. I'll get it together, I promise. Brazilian Jekyll and Hyde. Those are the three words that we'll be struggling with for the remainder of this podcast today. But we'll make it through. So there's something that I have been trying to do, and it is post more regularly. And I've noticed in the last few days, sometimes I'll go on TikTok. It's on TikTok that I've been seeing this, and I'll go on. I'll just start scrolling through TikToks. And now I start to get more, like, notifications of, like, people commenting on things that I've been posting. Cause usually I'm just, like, on there, like, snooping, you know, I'm watching most recently, a dog in a pair of high heels running around a backyard, which is an incredible video you should look up. And one of the, like, notifications I started seeing, I started getting a lot of them. And it was from this, like, account. And it's like, Adam Rippon real account. So it's like, you know, it's the real Adam Rippon. It's. It's a fake account, basically. And this account has been, like, commenting on almost every comment on every video of, like, thank you so much for your support and for watching this video. I'm commenting currently on my super private account, so make sure you go over there, too. And when I went to the account, it's like, you know, just some of the videos that I've posted, but they're just, like, reposting them, and there's, like, a range of emotions that you might go through. It's not my first time somebody's, like, made a fake account of me. I have so many questions of what do you think it will get you? Like, I do wonder, like, what do they think? Do they think that they will get some sort of perk that, like, I'm unaware of that I could be getting that they feel like this is, like, in my best interest to make this fake account? Because I can tell you that my real account, the one I'm using, and the only one that I have is, you know, it's only doing so much. And by that I mean kind of nothing at the moment, right? So if. And so my first train, like, line of thought is like, if you think you can do something with what I'm putting out there, I think you should go for it. And two, this person is out there commenting on, like, all of the comments, replying to, like, everyone who's ever commented. And so to be fair, I'm actually, like, really grateful because they're doing, like, administrative work. And I just have to say to this, like, account, like, I think good luck. Like, I'm not reporting them ever. Because if anything, if they think that they can do something different with than what I'm doing with what I have, I honestly feel like they should go for it. And so this is my, like, blessing of, like, good luck with that. I think that you can do it, whatever you think that is. Uh, and and another thing is, like, when we've been posting some clips, we've. I, I'm now, I'm like, in working in cahoots with the fake account when we, I mean, we will eventually post it, because that's kind of the MO of having a fake account is that you need to, like, just post what you're stealing from. Like, you need to take the content and then post it. So what I've been posting what eventually we, Me and my fake account, whoever they are, I want to meet them. I really, I want to meet them when they go, yeah, I want to see. Yeah, you've been getting a pretty steady stream of pretty average views on these TikToks. I should steal these videos. I don't. Okay, if you think that you can blow them up. Let's see now back to what I was saying was when I've been posting. When we've been posting. Excuse me, these clips from the podcast, some of them do seem to strike a chord. And there was one that seemed to strike a chord. And I, I knew it would be controversial, but I don't think I realized who I'd be aligning myself with. And I don't regret it. I want you to know that I don't regret it, and it was that I do think that the HOA is a necessary evil. And we're not going to go into it too much. We've already talked about it. I've already made my stance clear, crystal clear. But I do have to say some of the comments on the video are revealing of when people going, sorry, I like the way that my garden looks. I could never live in an hoa. And I. To that comment, I just have to say, yeah, exactly. You're the reason why we need an hoa, right? You're the reason why there needs to be a little Bit of hate to say it, Law and order. Cause I, I would dare you to post a picture of that front yard because I bet I have an idea of what it looks like. And I bet you're a month or two away from having a washer and dryer out there too. It's a slippery slope from going, I really like the way that it looks. Right? It's a slippery slope. Like I said, we're not going to spend, we're not going to get stuck here. But there's something else, another comment, and the comment was from somebody in the United Kingdom and they said, we don't have that bullocks in the uk, thank God. And I just now in my public space have to say this, and I want to say, yeah, you might not have that bullocks in the uk, but you have it much worse. And I'm going to say, why? Because I've been to London, all right? And in London you can get the nicest apartment in the nicest part of town in the nicest building, okay? And I'm talking like you're gonna spend millions of dollars on this place and you will get into that place and it's gorgeous and beautiful, but like you will get in there and they'll go, yeah, it's so nice. And I just spent $5 million on this. But there's nothing I can do. I'm legally not allowed to update the 800-year-old windows. I mean, sweetheart, your country, your laws are an hoa. That's what that is. They've got you. There might not be an HOA because they've got you, you know, ball and chain to the spending millions of dollars. And you're not allowed to touch those 800-year-old windows. Yeah, you've got much bigger fish to fry than someone going, hey, you didn't mow your lawn. I'm just saying you're, you can't go near those things. 800 years old, the window. And I'm not exaggerating. Look it up, look it up. When I've been to London, see, this is a thing in, in Europe that like, this is a good thing. I'm about to say that they really do their best to preserve the history and the historic buildings. And in the United States, you know, we have historic buildings, but they're built for the most part like I live in, in California. And so the historic buildings we have here are like, sometimes maybe you'll get something from like the 1800s or the early 1900s, and it doesn't really get much older than that. But then you'll go to, like, anywhere in Europe, Italy, you'll have something and it'll be like, oh, this is this, like, beautiful building that, like, people are currently living in was like, this was made by Jesus first cousins. And you're like, excuse me. They're like, yeah, it doesn't have air conditioning, but, like, it is about 4,000 years old. You're like, what? How? But they. They make it work, right? And so, like, when something doesn't work here in the United States, like, we just, like, we'll huff, we'll puff, we'll blow the thing down. Like it's made of hay, it's made of straw. And if it's made of bricks, it's fake brick. You know, it's half a brick. It's like. It's like wallpaper. And you're like, it was wallpaper the whole time. Yeah. So that's one thing. Like, the beautiful, like, historic buildings. And there's, like, not a lot of guidelines for that here in the United States because we don't have a lot of old buildings. You know, it's different in different parts of the. Like, the United States is, like, huge. I'm speaking for, like, the most part. I'm not speaking about, like, an older city, like a. Like a Philadelphia or like a Boston or a D.C. right. Like, I'm speaking about, like, in Southern California. A lot of these buildings are, you know, her historic buildings are. They're just, you know, they're historic because they have asbestos. Not because, like, a craftsman worked on them and, you know, like that. Like, it's historic because people are dying from the insulation, and that's historic. It's profound that they're. You know, people are still. Still die to this day from so many things, but one of them being asbestos. And I think that's a beautiful thing. But in the United Kingdom. I'm going to get back. I promise I'm going to finish the story that, you know, like I said here in the United States. I said in the United Kingdom, back to the United States. I'm doing my best. I'm doing my best. Jekyll Hyde, Brazilian. In the United States, when something doesn't work, we knock it down. We start over. We write. Like, there's. That's not good, right? That's not good. It would be nice to have a bit of history and not have everything look the same. Right. Which is making me think of something. I'm putting a pin in it to go. To go back to it. Just. I wrote down A completely different word in the, in my notebook. That has nothing to do with what I want to talk about. That's what it's like to be me. Nothing really makes sense all the time. Okay, so we knock it down if it doesn't work. In the United Kingdom, if they want to build a brand new building, if there's an older facade, they will destroy everything inside the building. But they will be required to keep the like hundreds year old, like facade, windows, brick, everything. So the exterior of the building looks exactly the same. I think it's incredible, but when I learned that people are like buying these beautiful apartments in this, in, in the, in these beautiful buildings in the nicest part of town, and they're like, oh, I'm still catching a draft. And you're like, you're catching a draft in your $5 million house because you. The windows can't close anymore. They're not allowed to close. And not only that, they're not allowed to close legally. That's really. Yeah, you're right. You don't have that bullocks of the HOA in the UK because you can't close your windows. And so I'm just like, we all have a struggle and yours is a lot, yours is worse than the hoa. So you are lucky that you don't have that. In addition to. Okay, now when I'm talking about we knock it down, we just build something, whatever. It's making me think of like one of the most recent real estate dramas I can think of. And you're like, now this is a real estate podcast. No, it's intrusive thoughts. And these are, as you can see, every thought on here is intrusive. It's. And by that I mean not welcome. None of these thoughts are welcome. They're just, they're coming to me and it's the cracker barrel drama. Now I'm gonna say this, like, is the, the original logo is the more fun logo, right? But what I think people are missing and the, the real point of it is, is like, why are all of these, like fun logos colorful, bright, fun, like commercial space. Like, why are they disappearing and they're going towards this? Like, my favorite is when they call it like this woke style when, when the style's awful. Like, it's just, it's a box, right? Why are they going towards this? It's because it's easier to lease the space out later, right? Can you imagine, like, let's say a McDonald's used to be in a space and I'm a company I've met, I've talked about this before. I, I'm opening a medical spa, right? So I've been looking at commercial space. Do you think me trying to open a business and I see that there's like an open location and it used to be a McDonald's and it's got a red roof and like a Ronald McDonald like shape front door. You think that I'm going to look at that space and I go, there's some potential here? No, I'm never going to look at that space because I, it looks like a McDonald's and that goes for like whatever business, right? You could be a vape store. You're not gonna go to this like old McDonald's and open up. You could be a little like interior design business, but you're not gonna go to the. Old McDonald's had a farm, old MacDonald had a piece of land that he tore down his old restaurant and built a new kind of boring looking one. Because the boring one is you take all the signage off and within a few years people will forget that it ever was a McDonald's because it's just a black box, right. That they did the same thing with every other business with like the Pizza Hut and with like the Taco Bell. And they're doing it with Cracker Barrel, right? Because it's gonna be hard to, if they don't have a Cracker Barrel there anymore, to lease out a space that looks like it has a front patio with a guy who would play the banjo out in the front. Right? Like again, think like you're a business owner and you want to rent a space. Are you going to rent that space? No, because it looks like it used to be a Cracker Barrel. Right? That's why they're changing the logos. Not because they're woke, because they're actually asleep at the wheel. They're so not awoke and that they're sleeping. That's, that's why. So it's not like, oh, they're trying to appease the woke people. No, it's like they're just kind of thinking of like an exit strategy in case the, the Cracker Barrel goes under and it's just not any deeper than that. So let's just to kind of COVID what we've talked about so far. This is my natural hair. The windows in London are 800 years old. The buildings in Europe are 4,000 years old. And the people in charge of the design at Cracker Barrel and the new McDonald's are sort of looking towards the Future. And so I think that does kind of absolutely make it an amazing time to go into a few of our listeners questions, texts and voicemails. And so our first text message is an update. So in a former episode, we had somebody text and ask us what they should do with their neighbors and to like, as a review, they had neighbors that were complaining that they're like, newborn, freshly walking baby was pounding their feet. Like, just imagine like a baby's feet. Like, you know, they step flat footed. They're making like pitter patter. And their neighbor who teach music lessons downstairs. Okay. Which you can imagine is a bit louder than a newborn baby walking. And they've asked like, can the baby not walk? Um, so this is an update from them and they said, Adam, thank you for validating us and helping us find laughter in this absurd situation. Love and appreciate hearing your take on everyday intrusive thoughts from your life and our lives. You're the best. Couldn't agree more. I am. I am the best. I am absolutely the best. So let's get into a voicemail. Go right back. We're gonna, we'll like alternate back and forth. I feel like that's like a great, like, rhythm to, to get into. So let's do our first, our first voicemail of the pod today.
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Please leave your message after the tone.
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Yo, Adam, what it do? I have two questions for you. Question number one.
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Great.
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Great job on the Intrusive Thoughts podcast. Question number one, how do you keep your skin so flawless and healthy? And question number two, how do you deal with haters, Adam? There's a lot of haters out there. Great job on the podcast.
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Okay, one, I do want to applaud you on catching yourself because you almost did make your first great job on the podcast. Your question number one, you caught it right away, fixed it, moved on. Very good. Very Intrusive thoughts style of you, which I do appreciate. Okay. Flawless skin. How do we do it? Okay, this is making me feel like I need to. I need to explain a few things. So when I first started this podcast, I did the first 10 episodes, if you remember, if you're like an original listener before we were at podcast one. Fucking love you guys. I look up like they're like, they're looking down at me. When I first started this, I started it on my own because I was like, let me like, figure it out. Let me see if I like doing it before. Like, I need to like, commit. Right? And so I was recording it on, on a different camera and on that camera and I would post the clips of the podcast, you know, as, like. As people do to promote things. And so on the camera that I was recording myself on, I remember that I'd, like, look at the footage, and I'd be like, I am glowing. I am so gorgeous. Like, I am just a light that radiates onto the people around me. And I just couldn't explain it. And I remember I got a lot of. A lot of messages from people going, wow, your skin looks incredible. And I'd be like, I know. Like, I can't believe it. I can't. I can't believe how incredible I look. And then I remember that I recorded myself using that camera, and I was a little bit closer to it than I usually was. And I saw that footage, and I went, huh, Something's. I look covered in Vaseline. Something's not. Something's not right. And so then I did. I recorded again, and I, like, went a little bit further from the camera, and I went, okay, all right. That's, like the normal, flawless self that I've been seeing for the past few weeks. And then I went, oh, God, please say that it's not true. I go through the settings of the camera, and I realize that I've had this, like, gorgeous, beauty, flawless filter on, and I didn't know it was on. And so, yeah, was I. Absolutely. I'm gonna say it was like, listen, my skin was clear and looking good, but it wasn't looking that good. And I don't think I've ever. I think I've just kind of moved on and was like, let's just, like, move on. And not ever addressed, like, why did I look like I had a pregnant glow? Or like, I was just, like, in. In a really humid, dewy room? And I never addressed that because I was like, I cannot believe that I've been, like, living this lie that I've been telling myself. Like, I can. I. I live in a place that has mirrors, right? And I don't know why I was like, just wait until, like, I always shine when I'm on camera. No, I do, but not in the way that I originally thought I was. And it was because I. There was a filter, but I haven't always had clear skin. And this is. I'm talking now without having a filter on that I didn't have on on purpose. I just want to put that out there. Uh, but what is it? I think one. One of the things that helped my skin was getting a little bit older. God, being in your. And with this color I don't know how old you are, but you have a youthful sound to you. And I'll say one of the hardest things for my skin was being a teenager and in my 20s. But one of the things recently that, like, not even recently, I think in the last few years, I always. I stay true to it. And it's like, it's tretinoin and it's acids. I'm always burning some level and layer of epidermis off of me, right? Like this. There's no. There's no dead skin on this body, on this face. There is no piece of dead skin. If there is, it's because I've just blasted it off and it's in the process of removing itself. And I didn't realize, like, how I needed to find a balance, right, of, like, how aggressive do we go and do we not go? Because sometimes, and it's. It's all, you know, it's like putting your foot on the gas and taking it off. It's a dance that I'm always refining and learning the steps to. Because sometimes I'll overdo it and I'll, like, wake up one morning and I'll be like, I do look like I got a chemical burn last night. And I can't open my eyes all the way because it burns. It happens. It happens. It happens. Give it two days. You're gonna have fresh skin because you've, you know, you did burn it a bit too close to the bone. That is why you'll have fresh skin. But it's like a. A back and forth. But I'm not afraid to use acids, and I'm also not afraid to skip them when my skin is feeling, like, a little sensitive. So that's. That's been the big thing. And as somebody who grows a beard, I can grow a beard. I don't actually know how thick of a beard I could grow because I don't think I could do it because it gets so itchy when I let it grow, like, a few days. I don't know how people have grown, like, facial hair. It, like, it really is the most annoying thing to me. Uh, but as somebody who grows a beard, what one of my tricks, because I used to always get a. Like ingrown hairs or, like, really, like, under the skin, pimples in the, like, jawline. One of the things I've been doing is that, like, after I shave, that's when we're doing an acid, right? When the skin is like, whew, we just took a razor to that. Now I'm going, oh, yeah, now we're going to burn it off. And that's kind of helped me. Even though it sounds truly traumatic, it is. But you know what? People should be less afraid of a little discomfort. This is actually making me think of something that I wasn't planning on talking about until this very moment of when you'll see these videos of people getting, like, a Fraxel laser, and it's incredibly painful. I've never done it, but I've seen people do it. And people who have, like, such high pain tolerance, they'll go, this is the most painful thing I've ever done. And, like, you'll see them one day later, two days later, three days later, and their face will be like, melting off, like meat falling off the bone. They'll look insane. And I'm always kind of curious of the people who go, oh, God, why can't you just love yourself? Why do you have to do something like that to yourself? Why can't you just, like, age naturally? 1. I have just one thing to say of, like, if. If you don't want to do them, don't do them. Right. But if you want to, like, invest in yourself and do something that's going to make you feel good, you should do that. And yes, if you do something like a Fraxel or a CO2, there's going to be like a week or two or maybe three of, like, it doesn't look great, but then the results are amazing. And I think this is another, like, hot take. I think some people are so afraid of being uncomfortable for like, a week or two that they're so not willing to put themselves in a position where, like, they might be uncomfortable or sore or they'll have to go through a painful experience, like, see some sort of, like, positive result on the other side. Right? Especially, like plastic surgery is something completely different where it's like you're changing the shape and the structure, but with, like, these lasers and peels and these other treatments that people can get. Like, yes, there, there can be some, like, bruising and some downtime. But on the other side of that, like, people will look at their skin. I know I have. I've looked at my skin and go, oh, it looks so nice. Like, that laser really did wonders. And my skin looks so, like, bright and healthy and hydrated that sometimes people's first reaction to, like, you saying that, you got the laser of, like, oh, God, why can't you just love yourself? Excuse me? Why can't you have a little self discipline? And put yourself through something mildly uncomfortable to have a positive result. And invest in yourself, bitch. That's my hot take is that people are so afraid of being uncomfortable and that's weakness at its core. And I think that's a weak thing. I think it's strong. Our strongest soldiers, God gives his best CO2 lasers to his strongest soldiers. And to his weakest soldiers, he gives melasma. I just, that's what I think. That's what I believe. Uh, and that is kind of leading into the second part of the question from this listener. How do I deal with the haters? Uh, I deal with them sort of in the, in that way of like I talk myself off the ledge and I convince myself that they are weak and I am strong, right? A weak person complains about something that really is. Does a no skin off their nose, right? They complain. Weak people complain. Strong people get CO2 laser. And so I always think of it like that. And also another thing, I think online especially, people are so quick and easy to just say what they're thinking, right? Pretty ironic from somebody who has a podcast named Intrusive Thoughts. But even though they're intrusive, they're thought out for the most part. Sometimes once in a while, right? They're thought out. I think about it before it comes out of. I just, it doesn't. Like I have no control. Like, I have control. Some people like don't have control because I don't know if they're. They don't think anybody will see what they say or they don't believe that people will read what they have to say. But it's. They still put it out there. And that always shocks me, right? To those people I go, why can't you love yourself? Why can't fuck off? Basically, that's kind of my interpretation of like, that was my one man show of how I perform through working my way around dealing with haters is I will basically just kind of get into a one sided, invisible, imaginary argument to the point where I go, I'm so proud of myself for winning that when it was just like, you know, me in a, in a room with the door closed, talking to myself. So at the end of the day, who really won? I don't know. I like to think it's me. But we'll guess we'll never know. So let's go to the next. Let's do another voicemail. Please leave your message after the tone.
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A
Hi Adam, this is Ramses out of North Carolina. And I wanted to say, amazing podcast. I'M enjoying it so much. I'm an elder millennial, so to speak, and I really feel seen. I love your side tangents, side quests, really, really fun. In any case, I binge watch it. Binge watched and listened to all of your podcasts. And in any case, I was sitting here on a Sunday doing, giving myself a little manicure and then deciding, hmm, why not leave a review for the podcast? Anyway, check done. But here's my real question. As I'm reentering back into corporate world, I've had business and everything, I'm finding that I'm reconnecting with a lot of people from my past. And there is an interesting thing I'm observing where they almost see me as the token gay friend from before. Truly. I came out when I was 21 and I think it's hard for them to realize I've become a different person. I've grown, I have a whole different Persona. And I can't help but think that they still see me as that sort of awkward coming out guy. And I'm way approaching my 40s now and it's kind of interesting as I'm reconnecting with some of these people to network and to try to reintegrate into corporate world that has its own story. But in any case, what are your intrusive thoughts about this? Reconnecting from people in the past who seemingly can't see you in a different light than when they knew you? I think it's a flow fair thing that that's what they remember. But how would you go about approaching getting them to see you as you know, you're just a lot older, more mature, you have way different life experiences than back then when they would have seen you. I think this is relatable to even how local family and friends from when someone grows up, someone could experience that as well. So anyway, love to hear intrusive thoughts on that and love the podcast. Thanks.
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B
First, gotta say to everyone listening out there, what a perfect Sunday activity of leaving a review for the podcast. Just saying. And. And you know what, if you're gonna do that, make it five stars. Why not? Why not? Why not? Great way to depending on how you view it, end the week, start the week, you know, whatever your calendar starts with Sunday. I think start the week, start it on a positive note by leaving a five star review. Okay. My friend from North Carolina, I actually have some things to say. For the first time in my life I have some things to say and I think that like our generation of as you know, I'M also gay. Maybe the first time I've said that exactly. On the podcast. But I know you've all been thinking about it, so I might as well kind of share it. Not that having a husband was a dead giveaway or the voice, you know, only so much I can do about this voice that, you know, maybe up until about 10 years ago, I answer the phone, people would go, ma'. Am. And I would just go, yes. You know, there's. What are you gonna do? You're just gonna be a ma'.
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Am.
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B
You got this voice. It's okay. It's a podcasting voice now. But I think that millennials were this, like, transitional period for, like, being, like, a gay person growing up. Because I think, like, in our generation, there were definitely more, and it's thanks to the Internet, too, of, like, more gay visibility of a big thing. Of, like, when I was in my twenties was, I saw a lot of these, like, coming out videos on YouTube and social media and stuff like that. And so there was just, like, more visibility and more people my age that, like, millennial age group talking about things that, like, I was going through, like, of when I was coming out to my friends and to my family. And, you know, I remember being even younger of when Queer Eye for the Straight Guy was first on tv, and just the talk about gay people and, like, how it was changing, because I remember, like, being young, being at, like, the rink. I'm. I'm like, maybe 13, 12 or 13, uh. And I remember. I remember being at the rink, somebody talking about how, like, they were gonna force their older brother to watch Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. And this girl was like, it'll be so funny. My dad and I are gonna force my brother to watch this, and it's gonna be so funny because he hates gay people. And I was, I want you to know, laughing, laughing, laughing, because I didn't even know what they were talking about, but I remember that still. And this is, like, early, early 2000s. And so just to say that, like, it was so common for, like, a young person to just go like, yeah, like, they hate gay people to that. That was like, a pretty norm. Like, it wasn't out of this world for somebody to say, or even that, like, this girl, even though she was my age, maybe 12, that she thought, like, of course everyone is gonna think this is funny again. Just, like, cut to me, like, I'm like, belly laughing. Like, that will be hilarious again. I don't even know what. I don't even know what show they're talking about. I'm not even like sure what it means to be gay. The Internet at this time, it's hard to come by. Maybe I don't remember what year it is exactly. So that's like, you know, where we're growing up. Then as we get into like, I'm speaking from my own personal, like, point of view, but I think that like, it's not too far off for other millennials of like when we get into the like late teens, early 20s. That's like when I came out, I came out like in my early, early 20s. That like, being gay was like, okay, right? Like, it wasn't. People wouldn't ever like, that girl would never think it's hilarious that her brother hates gay people and they're gonna hog tie him down with their dad to watch Carson Kressley. Like they, nobody would think that's hilarious. They go, what's wrong with your brother now? Right? And that like time period of like let's say 2010 ish, 15 years ago. And so being out felt like normal, more normal. It wasn't unusual. How about that? And so like in that time period, you know, it's not unusual, like, whatever. And let's fast forward like a few years to like the point that I'm, I'm getting to. I remember that I had a really good, not, not even had. It's like a friend that I'm still very close to today. And I remember that we were hanging out. It was a girl and we were hanging out. I was out already and doing stuff. And she wanted me to meet some of her friends that I hadn't met before. And when she introduced me to these friends, she said, this is Adam, he's my gay best friend. And I always hated being called a gay best friend. And you know, she didn't mean anything by it. And she really was one of my best friends. And so I pulled her aside one day and was like, listen, I think that you are one of my best friends. And she like immediately stopped me and was like, yes, I think you're one of my best friends. And I was like, it really bothers me when you call me a gay best friend. It makes me feel like I'm in this like, weird category of like, well, I'll never be a real friend. I'm just like this like fun side gay best friend or like an accessory or like I'm a purse. Like, it didn't make me feel like a real person. And when I said that to her immediately, she just was like, I Never even thought of it that way. I just thought, like, you're gay. You're my best friend. You're my gay best friend. And I was like, yeah, that. I just don't. I don't like that. And I don't, like. I don't like the way that it feels like I'm being categorized into this. Like, well, I couldn't ever be a real friend. Does. That's just, like, how that made me feel. And maybe other people don't feel the same way of, like, being called like that or being called something like that, but that always bothered me, and. Or, like, I just. I do not like when people are like, oh, this is my, like, gay sidekick. Or, like that. I hate that. I'm not a sidekick. Right. Like, I'm my own person. Don't put me in a category like that. So I did pull this friend aside, and she explained herself, and she immediately was like, I'll never say that again. And she never did. And it made me feel way better. And it made me feel like we were closer, even though we were just as close. But in the same time, like, she saw a different struggle that maybe I was going through, and she never, ever said it again. And she was. Yeah, I mean, she. It made me feel a lot better in that, like, relationship, and it made me feel good to, like, stand up for myself of. I knew she was gonna take it well, right? Like, she was one of my best friends. She was gonna hear me out. She wasn't gonna fight me on it. So it was, like, a battle I was getting into that I knew I would win. And it was an important battle for me, too, because, like I said, I just did. I didn't, like. I don't like the way that it sounds today. I didn't like the way it sounded then. And so I can imagine. And I don't know if I'm, like, putting my own experience into your own. Into yours, but it sounds a little bit like that of, like, in the time period you met them that, like, you're, like, the fun gay friend, and they have, like, their own real relationships, but you're, like, the fun gay friend. And sometimes when you're the gay friend, it can feel like everything that you're doing is just like, oh, that's them. Or it's, like, not serious or real almost, because it's like, they've put you in this category already of, like, that gay friend is just like, they're the entertaining one. Like, they're the one. I don't know, like, it just, it makes it feel like you're just like the court jester, right? And I think that like a generation before us, it maybe kind of had to be like that a little bit, right? Like, you had a gay best friend because you had your best friends, but it was taboo to have a gay friend. So you had a gay best friend and you created these, like, partnerships and, and things like that with these people. And it didn't bother you, or maybe it didn't bother that generation. And maybe it did. And maybe there was nothing that they could say, right, because they just understood and they, and they knew it was what it was. And that's just the way that life worked, that they could be somebody's assistant or partner or whatever, but they would never be like, almost like the main character in their own story. Right? So I don't know how that generation, like, before us, felt, but I can imagine this is how I felt like, as a millennial getting older. And I feel that, like, there's way less of that now with, you know, love or hate, Gen Z. Like, whatever, there is a. No, I don't see a lot of that. Of, like, this is my gay best friend or I don't see that. But when I think about, like, your experience and what you're talking about and you like, reentering the corporate world, reintroducing yourself to, like, people that you used to know and used to interact with, if, like, if I am imagining correctly, hopefully I'm, like, somewhat correct. On a timeline of when you knew them, it was just like a different period of time. And you were also a different person too, right? Like, like you've mentioned in your call, you were going through just a different time in your life and now you've gone through so many different life experiences, you're a different kind of person, stuff like that. And I think that it's human nature to when you haven't seen somebody in a long time, especially if you had a positive relationship, and it sounds like you've had a positive relationship with these people that you're going to want to pick up where you left off. And I think the problem and the disconnect that you're having is they're like, picking up where they left off, but they're also picking up at a time when things were a lot different socially too. And they're not feeling or realizing that at the same time when they're, they're treating you in the way that they would have treated you in 2010, 11, 1209. Right. Like, and they're just doing that because that's the relationship that they had with you. And so it's. I think that if they were to meet you today, they would never treat you in the way or the little microaggressions or whatever. That's kind of what it feels like when you're talking about it. I don't think they'd ever do that to you now. But it's like, they know you differently. They know you from then, but there's two sides to the coin, right? Like, they are not right for treating you in a way that, like, maybe they. That was kind of acceptable 15 years ago, but also 15 years ago, you probably were in a place where, like, you weren't sharing personal, important things or deep details about yourself that would make somebody feel like they know you on a deeper level and not on, like, a superficial level. And so I almost feel like if you were to take the time to. I know you're, like, reintroducing yourself to these people, but if you, like, took the time to, like, share some of the things that you've gone through in the last, like, 10, 15 years and just, you know, whatever you're comfortable with, but, like, share details about yourself that, like, will break the barriers down a little bit. And I would not be surprised if they start to treat you differently or, like, let go of some of those things. And I think, like, if they don't, there's kind of two ways to go about it where, like, you can find examples of somebody talking to, like, a gay person in. In a way that you don't like, or like, an old video of, like, I just, like, hate when people do this. Like, show it to them. Or, like, you know, when you're, like, casually hanging out as, like, an example of, like, take the hint, bitch. Like, take the hint. You're kind of doing this, and maybe they will. Or. And it sounds like they like you, right? It sounds like they had a positive experience with you, and they might just be like, oh, that's just, like, our fun. Like, brain dead. I don't think you're brain dead, but, like, it's, you know, Okay. I think that they're taking that, like, opinion that they've had of you and they're, like, putting it on to who you are today. And I think that, like, you owe it to them if you want them to treat you differently, that you've got to share a different side of you as well. And I think that if you do that, they'll mirror that. So when you think about the way that they're treating you. I think you should think about the way that you're interacting with them. And I think you might find that you're kind of both mirroring the energy that you're giving off to each other, which creates this sort of, like, hamster wheel of, like, oh, we're never getting off of this, and we're always gonna be talking to each other like this. And so I think if you, like, are really wanting to break that cycle, and if it's something that, like, bothers you, you should extend a little bit more of yourself, because that will give them the opportunity to ask you more about yourself and to. To feel more comfortable, to, like, get deeper with you. Which is. I think that's the whole point of, like, when somebody calls you, like, their gay best friend, it feels like they only want to get to know you on a certain level. And when things get real, they're like, well, you're my court gesture. You know, you're the town fool. That's what it felt like to me. It was like, they only want to know you on a certain level. And so I think, like, if you allow them and you share more pieces of yourself and you allow them to get to know you differently, they will treat you differently, too. That's always, like, a big lesson that I've, like, learned in my life of, like, when people are treating me a certain way, what am I doing that's giving them the green light to do that? And sometimes, you know, sometimes it's them, but sometimes it's me that I'm, like, acting in a certain way, that they might, you know, be standoffish or if, like, you know, why isn't this person, like, warm to me? Well, they are always seeing me at this, you know, in this circumstance where I'm, like, I'm stressed out. So they always think that I'm upset with them or something. So it's like I'm analyzing the whole situation. And so when you. With your call, I am wondering that if. If you want to change the dynamic of that relationship, I think that you could spearhead that, right? Especially if it's your. If it's bothering you. Because if you're just the gay friend, you're just fun, right? And they're not gonna, like, take any effort to change that. Cause they might think that you just like that. So I think that you need to be the one to kind of, like, change the direction of that, if that makes sense. But I. I do hear and feel and, like, resonate with with what you say. And if you like that answer, give it five stars, everybody. Give it five stars. But I'm. I'm serious. That's what. That's what I do think. Let's do another voice. I just. Okay, now let's. I clicked the voicemail too fast. Let's do one more voicemail. I'm just, like, in a voicemail kind of mood. I just, you know, it feels like we're in a voicemail mood. I'm seeing if there's any text messages that actually we're holding off on the. On the. On the voicemail. Sorry, I was in the mood. I'm not anymore. So you did hear a preview of a voicemail to come. But let's do one text message because I really want to keep getting the text. We've been getting so many more texts and voicemails, so I definitely. Huge thank you to everybody who is sending them. And please, the more the merrier. And to the one caller again, you are the hero of this podcast. Who said, put the number in more things. Genius women in stem. It's just. It's incredible. To the text message. Hey, Adam, I am currently in the process of starting a business, and I'm waiting on permits. I remember you mentioned that you are in a similar situation with your medical spa. I'm getting a lot of intrusive thoughts and anxiety while I wait for these permits to come through. I wanted your advice on how to handle this. Love the podcast. Well, one, congratulations on starting your business. Two, yeah, it is crazy waiting for these, like, permits and everything. Now I do love. We do cover everything on this podcast, and this is sort of the. The. The portion where we go back to commercial real estate. What do I do to, like, curb the anxiety with this stuff? Well, I'll tell you this. So, like, I. I'm gonna talk more about the medical spa once. I have, like, more to talk about. But yesterday, as the. As of the time of me recording this right now, yesterday, I got the keys to the location and. Which is like a huge, huge, huge moment. So it's like, it's happening. I did. I signed a lease. I got the keys. We're moving in now. To obtain the keys, I do need, like, property insurance for the building. Otherwise, they won't give me the keys. And when I was talking with, like, an insurance broker, they're like, that'll be easy. And the requirements that the building had of the insurance that they wanted me to get was pretty straightforward. I talked to the broker. He was like, this is going to be no sweat. Easy, easy, easy peasy. Okay, great. That was like four weeks ago, right? Four weeks ago we started the process and then it's just like little things you didn't know would come up. They ask all these questions about the building that like, obviously I don't know. They want to know what kind of wiring is in the building. They want to know what the structure is made out of. They want to know the year it was built, how many square feet of the building are used, how many square feet of the building are leased out to other tenants. I don't know those answers. So like, I'm, I'm having to go do a lot of back and forth to the point where I was gonna move in this week, like at the Keys this week. And I hadn't had all of these questions answered until like the Friday of last week. And then the first day of this week, I was like, hey, can I get a proof of that insurance? And they're like, yet working on it now to get proof. I'm trying to get the keys that day. They're like, we can't give you the keys unless we have the proof. Something that said that it was gonna take one second was now like a nail biter down to the, like to the minute. Cause I get the proof, I send it over. They're like, hey, can you actually change this one thing in your like, certificate of insurance? Go back to the broker and they're like, we can't give you the keys until we have this certificate. Okay. We have a time of like when we're scheduled to meet. It was 2pm I'm driving. This is me driving. Okay, Refreshing the email, Looking to go, I again, we're meeting at 2pm on the dot. At 1:56pm I get the certificate of insurance that they need. So in something that I thought was gonna take like two hours, took up until four minutes before I was gonna meet with like the management team to get the keys. And that's just the way that it goes. And you know what? To curb your anxiety, this is the thing. You're not in charge of the permits, you're not in charge of the insurance. There's only so much you can do. And like, you're gonna stress yourself out over what? Like you're not in control over it. So just let go and don't stress out about it. Yeah, it's stressful, but you don't need to be stressed out about it because you're not in control. Like, if I didn't get the Certificate of insurance that day. It wasn't anything I did. Yeah, of course I would have wanted it sooner, but like, I had to wait on the underwriter. I'm also want you to know I'm saying a lot of things that words and phrases that I've learned in the past four months. So if you don't. And I say that because the other day I was at dinner with my friends and I, I said that somebody was very litigious. And they looked at me like I was confessing a murder. And I was like, yes. And they're like, litigious. I said yes. And they had never heard that word in their life before. I think that's on them because I don't. I think it's common. But I've heard that word so many times. I don't know if maybe I've heard it all the time, but I hear it all the time now. People are litigious, meaning they want to resort to settling things in court. So. Yeah, that's where we stand on that. It's not your problem. Right. Like, it's just sometimes it's just you gotta sit, sit back, relax, and just wait for those permits to go. Yeah. Like there's just, you gotta. In this process, I've told myself, like, I'm telling you, like, oh, you got. And I'm like in the beginning stages, but there are just moments where you just have to be like, it's. I'm out of. It's out of my control and there's going to be like, extra expenses and things like that that just pop up. And it's just part of it. It is just part of it. It's part of like. And you're not immune to it. Every business that's ever started has started this way. And that's just the way that it goes. So it's normal. That's what I'm telling myself every time something is like, should this really be taking up until four minutes before I'm supposed to meet somebody? You know, I don't think I'm the first person that that's ever happened to. I don't think I'll be the last. I think it's just the way that these things, like, work. So my advice is that do everything as quickly as you can. There's going to be a lot of waiting and there's just nothing you can do about that. Check in, make sure things are like, still moving along. But like, do what you can. But at, at after that point, there's just like nothing to do so relax. Okay. I do feel like I do want to do that one last voicemail. We'll do it quick. Come on. We're like. We're in a groove. We're in a rhythm, and things are going. I'll say. I think, great. Here we go. Please leave your message after the tone.
- [62:22]
C
Hi, Adam. It's Deirdre. Okay, I'm listening to the Dream Body episode, and I paused it. Your driver's license has your weight on it. What? I've never heard of that. I've lived in, like, multiple different states. That seems crazy, because, like, that changes what kind of, like, fat shaming or skinny shaming or any kind of. Like, that just seems very intrusive. Is this, like, are there many states that do this? Because I. I live in Florida currently.
- [62:58]
A
It.
- [62:59]
C
It's not on ours. All right, bye.
- [63:05]
B
Okay, so I did have to look this up, because I've had a driver's license from three different states. I'm on the run. I've had a driver's license from Pennsylvania, where I'm from. That's where I got my first driver's license. I actually, I've gotten. Wait, no, I never had a Michigan license, so I've had a Pennsylvania license. I've had a California license and a Nevada license. And I even pulled up, and I have them, like, in my hand here now. I. I found them to. I wanted to see, like, is this true? I needed to see with my own eyes. And I did a little research. And by that, I mean I googled it. And the AI response, which, like, we can't trust it, but we'll go with it, was that it's. It's not. And it's so vague that I'm like, yeah, we can't trust this, but basically, not every state requires. And I'm with you. Yeah, it does fluctuate. I will tell you right now. It fluctuates like a motherfucker. Crazy. And I think in that Dream Body episode, I even dropped, like, what my current weight was at that time. You're gonna drop absolutely dead. I hope you're all sitting down when I did that. And I took. And I have to do, like, my weight and measurements again, but I was like, I gotta take the. You know, I gotta hop on the horse, and we gotta get on this. This is crazy. I was 173 as of this morning, weighing myself 155. Okay. That's 18 pounds. Mm. How have I been doing it? Well, one. So when JP went away to Finland, and I was Just home by myself. I wasn't eating, like I was a 64 Finnish lumberjack. And then I started to lose weight and I went, hey, maybe I don't need to be eating like I'm six fucking four when I'm five fucking seven. And so I went, okay, maybe we gotta cut that down a little bit. And then I was. Then I got into, like, a groove and I've done a pretty, like. Like a good job. I've been a little bit of active, a little bit of worrying did help me lose some weight. This is like a. Like however many weeks ago that was. But, yeah, 18 pounds, which is. I remember when I looked on the scale. I cannot tell you. I was like a blushing bride when I went on the scale and I saw it was in the 150s. I don't think I've been in the 150s. God, we're going on. I don't think I've been in the 150s since, like, 2018. Okay. We're talking like, almost seven, eight years. I'm just saying. I'm just saying it's because I have two salads a day and a yogurt. Huge salads, by the way. Huge. I want you to know we'll. We'll talk about this another time in the most exciting podcast of all time where I talk about eating a salad and a fucking yogurt. Okay, I have my licenses in front of me, and I want to go over them. The first one is Nevada, Okay? And in Nevada, I claimed to be £160. Brown hair, hazel eyes. Uh, that all seems to kind of track. And I'll tell you, every license has the weight on here. And it was a goal. Wait, always. 160. Goal complete. And this was. I got this. I mean, this license is still valid. It expires next year. I think that they just kind of let anything go. I think the license in California don't. They do not last that long. No, I'm looking. No, they last like five years. Okay. The next license, I think this is. This is my first California license. And wait, 1:45. That's crazy to think about. Okay. Hazel eyes, brown hair. Yeah, I think I've been going with that forever. Hazel brown. That's what I've decided. I am 145. What is this one? This one is my second California license. And this one was weight 150. We were doing 150. That was not a goal weight. That was what I was basically weighing. I was being honest for the first time. Legally. And then the next one is 160. And I think my current one is 160 as well. And I need a new one pretty soon. Yeah. Wow. I'll be on my fourth California license. Crazy. But that's it. Now that I've kind of dropped the bombshell of like I kind of accidentally dropped 18 pounds. Grew a mullet, dropped 18. Happy summer, everyone. Kind of an amazing way to end the podcast. An uplifting way. And by uplifting, I mean like, I got skinnier, thinner. Not skinnier, thinner. Just dropped it. I was a little chunky. It's okay. I can admit it. Thanks, salads. Thank you, yogurt. Huge shout out. They're not a sponsor, Salads and yogurt. But they are. I am sponsoring them. Their number one client. I don't and I don't get food out pretty much ever anymore. Okay, we're gonna talk about it later. I know you're like waiting on bated breath of like, oh, my God. Can't wait to hear about it. I can't wait to talk about it. So I just want to say a big thank you to all of our callers and texters. We love you. Make sure that you call or text into the podcast. The number is 310-909-9717. You can find that number in my Instagram profile. You can go right to the button, call and call right from there. And the number is just scattered throughout anything that I am the owner of. Right. It's just there. Um, and again, that number is 310-909-7117. More questions, comments, and intrusive thoughts. Uh, make sure that you leave this podcast a five star review. It helps people find the podcast and find this incredible and people are going to want to find it when I really talk about the salads and yogurts. I do, I really please kind of help share that, that, that good information. And on that note, I will see you here next time on Intrusive Thoughts. I'm Adam.
- [70:32]
D
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