← Intrusive Thoughts by Adam Rippon
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A
Foreign. Hello, everyone, and welcome to Intrusive Thoughts. I'm your host, Adam Rippon, and currently the time is 12:47am that's right. It's another midnight episode. Why is it so late? I don't know. You tell me. I have no idea why it is so late. But I want you to know that I have a theory, and I'm gonna run it past you. And the theory I have of, why is it so late? How did I get here? Why am I recording so late? The reason is that right now we're sort of in the last stages of getting ready for the Olympics in Milan. And when I say we're, I mean me. I am in the last stages of, like, all the prep that I'm going to do. Okay? And so I have, like, filmed a lot of things that I need to, like, do edits on. I have a lot of, like, research and stuff that I need to do. And, like, it just takes all day. It takes all day. I want you to know that I've been, like, sitting in a chair for, like, hours on end. It's like, I've been, like. Basically, I've been sitting in a chair, like, the amount of time you would if you were in, like, a transcontinental flight. My hip flexors are locked. I can't. I am stuck in the position of, like, 90 degrees from, like, torso to thigh. And, yeah, I. I haven't moved. You know, I've, like, walked the dogs. That's like, my big exercise of the day. My other big exercise of the day was one second before I hit record on my computer, one second before I unplugged an external hard drive. Actually, let me give you a little background. My computer. Love it to death. I really do have a soft spot for this computer. They don't make this, like, model of MacBook Air anymore. And there's a good reason, because it is. It's like. It's so. It's small, right? Like, I feel like the, like, smallest version you can buy now is, like, maybe an extra inch bigger, which just is, like, more screen space. So they don't make this anymore. And there's only, like, two USB C ports. Okay. This is important. I have one, like, to be charging it because I did sort of work it to the bone today. It died. So I need it to be plugged in. And then the. A second USB wire is from the microphone that I am recording. This episode of Intrusive Thoughts by Adam Rippon. This is. That is me. And so I plug this microphone into the computer. And you know, I, like I said, I have a soft spot for the computer, but I do run into an issue now where it is completely full, right? There's not like a single gigabyte of space left. I have to delete things to do, like these updates that I feel like my computer is asking, like, hey, can we do the Tahoe 59.9 update again? I feel like my computer is asking me if we can do updates literally every other day. Which, you know what I'm about to say. It's like, this has nothing to do with like you and me. You the listener, me the host. This is everything to do with me and Tim Cook, okay? And maybe he listens to the podcast and if he does, this is like a open letter to him of like, hey, Tim, let's kind of get everybody together in Silicon Valley. Let's get your whole team together and let's sort of just do the update right the first time. Okay? Let's just do it right the first time. Not like, oh, hey, we're going to do another Tahoe update because the last one had bugs in it. Well, why did you allow that to happen, Tim Cook? Do you think Steve Jobs would be happy with all the bugs that you're letting into like my 10 year old MacBook Air? A size that doesn't exist anymore, A color that you can't even get anymore? Gold, Rose gold maybe. I don't know, hard to tell. Maybe it's a bit sun damaged, I'm not sure. Anyway, Tim, I would really like if we could kind of workshop just a one update. How about. I'm. I'd be good with one update maybe once every other month. Even once a month feels cumbersome. Okay, Once every other month. Other than that, I just like, let's work the bugs out at home. Okay? Let's work it up in the Bay Area in Silicon Valley before I'm downloading it. Just a little bit south of that in Los Angeles County. Okay, let's just get it right the first time. Okay? I'm saying all of this because in order to do updates, as I mentioned, I do need to like delete things off of the computer. Okay. A concept that is foreign to anyone that has a computer, I think, that isn't 10 years old. And so I need to plug in an external hard drive. So I'm mentioning the USB cs. And so like, I ran into a scary situation where I didn't ask the external hard drive. Hey, is it okay if I unplug you? Because you need to do that. Like, if you plug things in, you need to, like, eject them properly, as I was told I hadn't done, which is true. But it is on the border of being dramatic because I just don't think that if I'm plugging something into my computer, I need to ask it if it's okay to be unplugged. That should be a given. It is not your right to be plugged into my computer. It is a privilege to be plugged into my computer. I don't need to ask you permission to unplug. That being said, I do. Right. I do need to ask, because otherwise you'll do it not properly ejected. Not properly or whatever it said. So I did have a scary moment of, like, unplugging the external hard drive and it going, hey, hey. That was not ejected properly. And it did make me feel like everything on it may have been deleted. I have not plugged it in and I'm sure it's fine. I just don't really like the fright of that message, the severity of it. It just feels like a little. A little intense for what happened, you know, I just. I needed it out. And again, I just don't think I should have to ask. I mentioned that it is quite late in the night, a midnight episode, if you will. And it's because, like I said, I'm doing a lot of, like, prep for the Olympics. There's a lot of research to be done. There's a lot of things to go over. There's a lot of things they need to do, like, within, like, the NBC, like, Company. Before I go, I'm making it sound like I'm writing, like, a database or something. Basically, like, there's just like, mandatory, like, workplace things that you need to do. Okay. Like, that's. That's basically it. Ooh, I hit my knee on my desk. I'm okay. That is because my hip flexors are like. I said, they're like. They're, like, rock solid hard. I'm gonna need, like. I'm gonna need, like, a chisel and hammer to, like, break up the ligaments. That's kind of how I feel. I'm gonna have to do a figure four before bed, or it's locked. Locked up, I think for, like, a long time. I'm going to be fine. The other day, before going to bed, I watched a TikTok, and it was a girl, and she was sobbing, crying, and she was like, I finally figured out how to do pigeon pose, and I released so much trauma within my body. And if you see me record a video similar to that, I want you to know it's because there's trauma being built up and it's sort of like in the groin area. And I don't want you to take that in any other way aside from my hips are locked, okay? Not in a sexy way. In like a very physical therapy sort of way. Which, if you've ever been to physical therapy, it's like the least sexy place you could like, ever go for anything. People are like, my ankle hurts. It's like, there's nothing. Okay, suck it up, right? Turn it a few times this way. Put this band on it. Like, going to physical therapy is the least sexy thing somebody can do. Being a physical therapist is like kind of a hot thing. But physical therapy is like the least sexy thing possible, right? Because a lot of times people go in there, like, my back is stiff. Okay, move it. Do something. I'm literally like. It's like me screaming into a mirror of like, why can't I bring my chest all the way up anymore? Why am I stuck in a seated position? Boy, oh boy. I'm also, like, editing a lot of like, content that I've like, collected. I hate the word collecting and not collecting content. Sorry, I. I defer. I hate the word content. Um, it sounds so pretentious. Anyway, I'm editing a lot of content. Please like, and subscribe. I fall through a trapdoor and I have decided that before I go to the Olympics, I want like, all of my, like, social media pages to like, look nice, professional, like organized properly, etc. Etc. And I just want to be doing the best practices that I can be doing. One of those things was, I don't know why I got into an ADHD complete black out black hole. And that black hole that I like, fell into was that I was like, I need to create thumbnails for every YouTube video I've ever made. And I did do that for hours. So I'm like, I have so much work, right? Some of that work was kind of put on me. And if you could call spending time on Canva Pro, which I'm paying for work, that it's. It's work. That's. That's me, you know, that's my work. That's me going to the. Out into the fields, working hard on the farm all day is me, like, going to Canva doing like, like remove background on a million different images. I'll say it took hours and hours, but I did it and I'm really happy with it. Looks good, Love it. Can't wait to go viral. I fall through another trapdoor any way. Just huge shout out to the company Canva, who definitely has their more together than Tim Cook up in Silicon Valley. Okay. They're not doing updates all the time, willy nilly. But you know, what are you gonna do? The other thing about my computer, I'm just gonna just, I'm just gonna get it all out. There is when I put things out onto the desktop, like the, the screen, like the home screen. Because sometimes, every once in a while, like if I need a file or something, I put it onto the desktop so I can like find it immediately. Drag, drop, click, send it in, whatever. But I'll put it onto the desktop. I know this is a setting and I could probably just work this out on my own. Why would I do that? I'd rather complain about it. But every time it goes onto the desktop without me ever asking, whoop. Right to the cloud. Right up to the cloud. Because every once in a while I'll try to drag that file in, it'll be like, hold on, I need to download first. And I'm like, well, I didn't ask you to go to the cloud. I put you on the desktop so I could get immediate drag and drop access. Drag and drop, as I said. Now I know it's a setting. I will. I don't have time, okay, to look it up. I have time to be on Canva, but I don't have time to literally just type, type, type, Google it. So, you know, that's. That's me in a nutshell. I'd rather complain about it than Google it. Because it's, you know, it's just, it's sort of the quirk. Which is sort of why I do love the external hard drive. Because the external hard drive is not. It's a cloud itself, but instead of being like in the cloud, it's like in itself. It is, it is itself a cloud. Right? That's why I do love it. If you need a file, it's. It's in it. It's like in the external hard drive. If I need a file, it's on my desktop. Whoop. It's been in the cloud. It's just like, you know, it's a fake thing. It's basically a thumbnail, you might say, which. So glad I spent so much time on YouTube thumbnails. That is going to be time well spent when you see your life flashing before your eyes and they're like, I wish I didn't spend so much time worrying. And I wish I spent more time with, like, my family. I. They'll interview me and I will go, I wish I spent more time on Canva. I do. I wish I spent even more time on Canva, because I love that thing. You can make anything. You can make a menu, you can make a website, you can make a banner for your YouTube channel, you can make an invitation to your wedding. You can make anything on Canva. It is God's greatest tool, his absolute greatest tool. God made us perfect, but he made Canva even more perfect. I would shout that from the rooftops. I'm saying this completely unsponsored, actually, in the hole. I'm paying them every month so that I can use some stock images here or there. But I love it. I love Canva. Love it, love it, love it. Let's move on. I would like to talk about something else. And that's something else is. This week, Netflix put out a trailer for a brand new show that is going to be premiering February 1st. It's called glitter and Gold and it's about figure skating. And they're going to be following three ice dance teams in their lead up to the Olympic Games in Milan, Italy. Milan, Cortina 2026, only on NBC and now on Netflix for that documentary, which will not be on NBC. Now, here's the thing. I am in the documentary not as an ice dancer, as sort of like a narrator, commentator, storyteller. And yeah, that's sort of like the end of that. So I am really excited because I guess I'll tell you a little bit about the background of it without revealing too much. Basically, there's nothing to reveal. I just, I. I don't know. I don't. I have. I've seen like a clip here or there, but I have no idea, like, when in time they've started filming the skaters. I have an idea, but I'm trying to, like, save some of that. So it's like, still a surprise. And I don't know if, like, they want me to be like, this is when it started, right? Like, I don't know if they want, like, on the Intrusive Thoughts podcast for me to, like, leak that. But I will tell you that, you know, I'm a commentator narrator in the documentary and I'm really excited for it. I think it's going to be amazing. And I just think that it's going to be very interesting to watch these three different ice dance teams in their, like, lead up into the Olympic Games because there's one thing I like about all of them, and it's that they're all adults because as I've gotten older, I actually don't really like watching children. Do you know what I mean? Like, basically sometimes I'm like, ooh, is the mom pushing them too hard? Or like, do you know what I mean? Like, you can just feel like a little weird or off about that. And, but, but all of these seems like they're all in their 30s and I think that they all have very interesting, like, background stories and all. Each of them personally have like, very fascinating points of view and where they're coming from. And one of the teams is like, right now, I would say, quite controversial. So it's just going to be very interesting to see like, what the whole documentary looks like. I will. I guess I can tell you a little bit about, like, what I did and, and how that worked. So basically I sat down with the Netflix team and this is the same team that did the Simone Biles documentary, which, if you haven't seen the Simone Biles documentary on Netflix, that came out like in the Tokyo. Not the Tokyo Times, excuse me, Paris Times. There was another Simone doc that came out in the Tokyo Times where it was like Simone versus herself. Eerie, eerie title. But this Paris Olympics Simone doc, it's like the same team that did that and that Simone doc was like, amazing once. Simone Biles is amazing. And also, if you haven't seen what I. My favorite thing right now is like, one, Simone Biles being like, I got fake tits. And two, I'm taking, taking skating lessons. You know what? Yes. I love everything literally about that. God is so good. He is so good. And Simone's breasts are so nice. They look incredible. And God is good all the time. So it's by the same team. And I actually have known the producer, the director of the documentary for a really long time because I filmed things with her before, like different skating things with her before. And she's like a, she's a, a wonderful lady. It's crazy to call someone a lady, right? She's a wonderful woman. Feels so like, you know, impersonal, but she's fantastic. And I think that she's gonna hit the nail on the head with this documentary. So basically how it worked for me was I did two hours long, a few hours long sit down interviews with the, with the Netflix team. And the first interview I did, I think it was actually pretty unclear who they were even going to be featuring. I don't even know if they had any of the Teams picked up actually when I did my first sit down interview and I don't know if I mentioned this, maybe I did. I did two of them, two long interviews. And so the first one I did was like a few hours long. And it was basically just. I kind of like wax poetically about the, the landscape of what ice dance is and the stakes and you know, that these couples might be facing in an Olympic season and whatever. And obviously when I am talking about it, I am being a complete like gesture idiot like that. I am just, I'm doing anything to like, you know, make people laugh. I'm like Michigan J. Frog, like with the top hat, like, you know, I'm doing anything to get a laugh, a rise out of these people. And I got it. I, I did, I made them all fall in love with me, Which I don't know is true, but I'm gonna say it. I'll put that on the record. So that was my first like long sit down interview. And then I did one more, another few hour interview, which was this time I, I did know who was in the documentary by the time I had done a second interview and we were pretty late in like the skating season. So this was more of like, what's going on now? Where are we now? Sort of deal. And yeah, I mean, I think it's. I just think it's going to be really good. I know that like when I was talking about it, I was really trying to like put it in the point of view of somebody who's like never watched skating before. And so that's sort of like, you know, I try to, I try to do that when we did our interviews. That being said, it's not about me, even though I'll try to make it about me, but it is about these three ice dance teams and it comes out February 1st. I do, like I said, I think it's going to be quite fascinating. I think it's going to be very good. I really, really do believe that I am talking a little bit about. And when I say a little bit sort of like a lot about like sort of like Olympic stuff, but there's just like a lot of Olympic things like happening. And I know, I think last week I said let's do like, you know, voicemails and text messages, which I did not get to because I talked myself literally into a. Into oblivion. I disappeared. I disappeared. After I was done recording the episode, I hit end and gone. I went to the cloud. Like all of the shit on my desktop goes, which I. It doesn't need to do that, by the way. That being said, let's kind of like, you know, I ask for them. I'll even go as far as say, I beg for them. So let's do some voicemails, and let's do some text messages, and let's kind of get this show on the road to Milan. Let's do our first voicemail. Please leave your message after the tone.
- [23:30]
B
Hi, Adam. My name is Taylor. I just finished your latest Intrusive Thoughts, and you did no calls or texts, so hopefully you'll do this one in one of your upcoming episodes. But you asked us to share any intrusive thoughts about the Olympics, and my question is, do you ever feel that bittersweet, almost sadness when you're covering the Olympics or coaching you're going to them? I used to run, and when I watch the running events and I watch the marathon, I'm so excited. I love to watch it. But I also feel this. I'll say that I feel a pang of just missing it and feeling like, ugh, it's almost like regret. Not that I was ever an Olympian, but I imagine it's even more so when you've been at your level. So just curious how you balance the excitement with kind of the wistfulness of the bygone days. Anyways, keep up the good work.
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A
Bye. So I want to say amazing call out to the. Not doing the voicemails. I deserved that. I really did. Thank you for the voicemail. I'm processing the question. It's a. This is a great question, by the way. And I think I'm gonna give a bit of, like, an unconventional answer to it. First of all, the short answer is no. I don't feel that, like, longing to be out there again, but it's. It's way more layered than that. And I think, like, okay, let's try to, like, break this down when. Okay, let's go back even further. For a really long time, the Olympics was like this boogeyman to me. I tried to make my first Olympic team in 2010. I then tried again in 2014, and I was an alternate to the team in 2010, and then in 2014, I did not make the team. Wasn't even close. Um, and I felt at that time, like, in my sport, it is helpful to be younger. In 2014, I was 24 years old, and I felt. And I feel like it's a pretty reasonable response and reaction that I had that if I had not gone to the Olympics at 24, it was even less Likely that I would go to them four years later at 28. And so I had this like, mourning of like my career in that moment because it felt like this Olympic dream that I had was just like it wasn't going to happen. And, you know, that was that I felt like, did I waste my time? Did I, you know, was I foolish to believe in myself or, you know, whatever? So basically, like, I1 want to say to like, any athletes who like, might be out there or might be listening to this podcast, if you don't ever make it to the Olympics, that's completely fine. It's. The Olympics are. And I want, I want to be clear, the Olympics are amazing. They are amazing. It's an incredible experience. But it's like, it's two weeks, okay? It's a, it's a two week trip, and it's a two week trip to a rink that you probably have competed at before or a venue you've maybe been been to before, competing against the people who you've competed against your entire life. So it's all the same people, it's all the same places. The only thing that's different is that the Olympic rings are inside the building and there's, you know, there are more people watching, but it's, it's kind of like any other event you've ever done. The only thing different about it are like the external and outside kind of forces that are also that come with an Olympic Games. And I think that I just felt like when I didn't make those teams, and especially the 2014 team, I kind of felt like I was like a failure and I felt all of these things and I felt bad about myself and I didn't know what I wanted to do next. And basically I had this amazing conversation with a friend of mine who did go to the Olympics and she was a gold medalist. And this is like, we had this great conversation. This is like months later, and she was telling me about how like, she didn't know what she wanted to do next and she felt lost and she felt like kind of out of place when she go to the rink now. And basically all of these things that she was feeling, I was feeling. And so I was like, okay, I would literally do anything to have been an Olympic gold medalist at the 2014 Olympics. And she is, and she's feeling all of the things that I felt and I didn't even go. And so it was a great, like, perspective adjustment, which did not happen overnight. You know, it took a minute, but I realized that, like, not Going to the Olympics was gonna be. I was gonna be completely fine, and I would still consider, like, everything that I had done, like, a success. But. And I actually became. I got a. I feel like I had the best years of my career from, like, 25 to 28. Like, I just got better. And I think I got better because I had that perspective of, like, the Olympics isn't end all, be all, and if I go, I go. If I don't, it's okay. And so. But I did become a little superstitious of, like, you know what? Like, I won't own anything with Olympic rings on it. I. I'm just gonna, like, avoid talking about the Olympics. I don't want to. I know it's. It's not a. It is a huge thing, but I don't want to make it a big thing. I don't want it to be this thing that. It's just like, you know, I would never want to look at my career and be, like, bitter about not going to the Olympics. I would still be. I. I wanted to be like, if I never had qualified, if I never qualify, like, it. It will be o. Like, now as an athlete, like, if. If it's still, like, I. I continued skating the next few years, from 2014 to 2018, with always my eye on the Olympics, but never, like, my heart set on it. And so, that being said, it was sort of like, you know, I avoided things with Olympic rings. I would. You know, if. You know, they'd. If you'd be, like, kind of in a room, people would be like, oh, they're Olympians. And I'd be with my friends who went to the Olympics, and I would always, like, correct them that I was not an Olympian when really nobody gave a. But it was just, like, I was superstitious about it. So the Olympics, for maybe, like, the first 28 years of my life, was something that I, like, actively, like, avoided, and I avoided thinking about it. You know, I would say when I was younger, I, like, actively thought about it constantly, and it was, like, a crippling pressure that I had put myself under that, like, basically I buckled under when it. When push came to shove. But I feel, like, my newfound perspective of, like, it not being everything and kind of focusing on the things that, like, were really important of, like, how did I feel about the way that I was performing and what I was doing? I was really focusing on the right things, and that mindset is what got me to the Olympics. This is a really long winded way to, like, talk about like, that question. But I think it's it. It. It's it. I need to give it. Okay. Okay. Thank you. Thank you for allowing me the time, space, and energy to share this story. I hope that you're, like, still with me. So where was I? Yeah, so I. I think that in that lead up to 2018, it would. The Olympics are something I actively avoided thinking about and was just, you know, it just. I enjoyed watching them, the Summer Games on tv. I. And. And all of that stuff. But, like, I was actively, like, pushing the Olympics away because I did not want it to become this, like, boogeyman thing. When I made the Olympic team in 2018, I remember that one of the first things I did was, like, I went on the Team USA website, which anybody can do, and I went to their shop and I ordered, like, one or two Nike Dry Fit Olympic rings T shirts, and it was like, I can finally wear these Olympic rings. I've earned the. The right to. To wear these. The. The right that, like, I'm the only person who said that there's nobody else in the world who's like, there's. You have to only wear these. If that's not true. Okay. It was just, like, the superstitious thing that I was doing. And from that moment, which is so interesting now, where it's like, we're eight years later, the Olympics is something that's, like, so part of almost my everyday life because I've worked the Tokyo Games, I was at the Games in Beijing, I worked the Paris Games, and now I'm going to Milan. So it was this thing that I wondered if I'd ever go to. And now here I am, and this is the fifth Olympic Games. That's shocking. I didn't go to. I worked Paris. I was in Connecticut, in Stamford, Connecticut, which is like, the headquarters of NBC. So I worked. I worked it from the States, but, you know, being involved in the Olympics. So it was just this thing that I, like, actively kind of avoided. But, like, I. I feel like by the time I made it to the Olympics, I had this, like, epiphany that I was, like, a fully realized adult person. I've obviously grown a lot and learned a lot about myself in the last eight years. Isn't it interesting where sometimes this podcast where, like, I talk about complete, utter nonsense, and now I feel like this is, like, you see the duality of me, right? Like, I can talk about, you know, begging for slipper suggestions on a podcast. Not too long ago or now I could be giving, like, a Ted Talk. And so I hope you don't mind, but let's continue down this road. Sniff. So I, I feel like by the time I did make that Olympic team, I had like. Like I said, I felt like more of, like a fully adult. Like, I knew who I was. And I also knew that, like, at 28 and because I had made that Olympic team, that I wanted to kind of take the next step. And the next step would be, like, retiring as an athlete and pursuing different endeavors. And before I had made that Olympic team to kind of put the. Take the pressure off of myself, I told myself that I would skate, like, one more season after the Olympics, just as a way to, like, ease the pressure a little bit. So I wasn't entering every competition going, this is the last one I'll ever do. Because I'm. Every time I see other athletes do that, I'm like, that just feels like, so heavy. And I did not want that heaviness. And so I, I told myself maybe I would skate one more season. But I, I imagined that, like, I knew the time and energy it took to be a good athlete, that I would have to, like, take that time and energy that I was putting into my sport, into whatever I wanted to do next. And I thought maybe it would be coaching full time or doing choreography full time for different skaters. And I just. I didn't know. But I kept an open mind. When I got to the Olympics in 2018, I got a lot of, like, media attention and I had this, like, epiphany. I don't know if I've ever shared this, probably not on the podcast because I'm too busy talking about, like, Mark Wahlberg being a murderer, but. And I digress. So I, I had this epiphany where when I was doing all of this media and I had this, like, opportunity to, like, you know, make people laugh and engage with them. And it's like, I've always loved doing that. I've always been, like, kind of like a class clown to, like, all of my friends and to, like, that I've been training with and have known for, like, my entire life. Um, I'm a storyteller, as, you know, as. As Netflix would describe a narrator. And so I kind of had this, like, moment of, like, while I was doing all of this media and like, basically kind of doing, like a one man show. Anytime I'd have the opportunity to, or anytime, like, somebody would ask, I had this epiphany of, like, oh, my God, this is what I've been meaning to do. My entire life, like, this is what I meant to do. I meant to be, like, in front of people and to, like, make people feel laugh and feel good and comfortable and. And it just felt like I had this moment of, like, oh, my God, like, I've been doing this one thing my entire life that, like, feels like, you know, something like, oh, you're meant to do it. You're at the Olympics. Like, okay. But it was totally, completely something else where being at the Olympics, like, opened my eyes to this, like, whole entertainment side of work that I was like, this is the thing I want to put all of my energy and self into. Like, this is. This is what I want to do. And so what I actually did over the last few years was like, I was like, I want to avoid anything skating related. So after the Olympics, I had already agreed that I would skate on a Stars on Ice tour, and I did that while I was doing Dancing with the Stars. And I had already agreed that I would do it, but I knew that, like, this would be the last. And I kept saying to myself, like, this is after. Literally, this is hilarious of being like, I'll never say it's the last thing I do. I was on the Stars and Ice tour, telling anybody who would listen, being like, I'm never skating in a show again. Because I felt like I needed to say goodbye to this part of me, to dive fully into the entertainment world of, like, what did I want to be? Did I want to. I don't know. And I. And it was a really hard, like, learning curve to realize that, like, in entertainment, like, it's not like sports. Because in my sport, like, there's a clear objective of, like, in four years, you want to go to the Olympics, you want to get a medal, right? And in. In most sports, there's a clear objective of, like, I want to go to the Super Bowl, I want to win the Stanley cup, right? And in entertainment that, like, landscape changes so often, and it's just. It's not sports, right? There's no first, second place. There are awards, but there's a million different categories, and they happen every year. So it's just the stakes are so much lower. And it just was like, I. I felt a little lost in it, but I still was, like, really pushing the skating stuff to the side. And, you know, not that there was, like, people were knocking on my door to be like, you have to do this tour. Like, I think I was putting out the vibe of, like, don't ask, don't tell. And so I. I Just kind of, like, avoided being involved in skating in too big of a capacity because I. I wanted to be, like, known not as, like, a skater. I wanted to be known as, like, an entertainer. And so I avoided it for a really long time. And so to back to your voicemail of, do I ever get that, like, that. That feeling of, I want to be out there again? I feel like in the last few years, I've decided to, because I still love skating. I'm a. I'm a fan of skate. I was always a fan of skating, and I always loved it. I even loved it when I was competing in it. A lot of people don't feel that way when they're competing in it, but I loved it. I loved watching other people skate. I loved, you know, keeping up with, like, all of the competitions and everything. And over the last few years. And this is, like, a huge help to. I think we have some crossover listeners here, but I have another podcast called the Run through, and it's a figure skating podcast that I started with my friend Ashley Wagner and our friend Sarah Hughes, who we met through NBC Olympics. And the reason that we started this podcast was because Ashley is a very good friend of mine. She's one of my dearest and best friends, and we used to train together in California and when. And she also retired in 2018, and she decided that when she retired, she was going to move to the East Coast. And so, you know, it's just so easy that, like, when you're away from your friends, that, like, time passes and you. You fall out of touch with them, and it happens so easily. And we were just, you know, we're like, okay, let's schedule calls to, like, we keep in touch with each other. And it just wasn't happening. And Ashley had this idea of, like, let's do a skating podcast together. And it'll be this thing that will, like, you know, we have to stay committed to it. We have to do it once a week, and it'll be like, a call, and it'll be something for us to talk about and stay in touch with. And. And I was a little, like, hesitant to. To do it, but I was like, you know what? Why not? If anything, it's just gonna be good to kind of keep the podcast muscle going. Right? Like, it's just because it is sort of like a muscle you need to train to, like, be on the mic. Not. I'm not trying to make it sound like I'm like, a first responder of, like, this is such a serious job. But it is sort of. It is a skill to be able to, like, talk and explain and entertain. I should get struck by lightning by the way that I'm talking about myself right now. It's all right. But I'm like, I'll keep the skill sharp because, you know, I had. I had even felt like if I was like, doing like, different media or doing shows and stuff, if I hadn't done one in a while, it took. It felt like it took me a minute to, like, warm up to feeling like really in a groove of being there and being on camera and doing the podcast. I was like, this will be a great way to keep that muscle sharp, which I gotta say is amazing. I've never been sharper in my whole life, by the way. And I can do a podcast on my own, right? I can talk myself to sleep, hopefully. I'm not talking you to sleep. Hopefully you're liking and subscribing and getting the. The podcast five stars, please. We love that. But this is like a muscle I've, like, I've worked on. And I was like, I think that doing the skating podcast once a week, it'll be, do something. Doing something. That. That's why I'm going to do it. Because I went into it being still completely focused on, like, just the entertainment stuff. And I then slowly kind of felt more comfortable being like, in the skating space again. Because I will tell you that when you retire, there is this, like, weird purgatory that you find yourself in where it's like, people know you retire, but if you're still around it, it still feels like, oh, are you not retired? Are you, like, coming back? Or, like, what do you. What are you doing here? And. And that's how it feel felt to me personally, of, like, what am I doing here? And, you know, other parts of that are that, like, people you competed with are still competing, and it just. It can feel very, like, weird. And I'll tell you that having eight years between my competitive career and to where I am now, I have enough distance from it where I feel like I've, like, found my place in that, like, skating world again. And I felt really out of place in it for a really long time. And I love being in it again. And I'm really glad that I took a, like, a big step away from it because I learned a lot and I have a lot to, like, share and help the. The other younger athletes now. And when I. And I still have, like, aspirations of, like, doing a lot more, like, in media, I think I'M good at it. Can I say that? God strike me now. He doesn't. He's going, you are. And I believe him. God is good all the time. So, you know, I still have aspirations of doing a lot of, like, things in entertainment, but I think what the. One of the things I've learned is, like, you don't have to be one or the other, especially not in entertainment. In entertainment, it's helpful to be a jack of all trades. And that was like, an athlete mindset that I was just stuck in for so long that it had to be one thing, because to be a good athlete, the only thing you can be is a good athlete. You cannot be anything else, because if your attention and energy is in another place, it's not 100% into what you're doing. You have to give 100% to what you're doing when you're an athlete. But as an entertainer, if you don't have. I. Is it insane to say entertainer? It feels like I'm gonna be like, put on tap shoes. You know what I'm saying? In entertainment, if you aren't doing a little bit of everything you're gonna be behind, you always need to be thinking of, like, new things, new projects, new this, new that. And I think it's like, an upper hand to, like, also be involved in sports. And in a sport that I did, and I think those are. It'll always be the case, like, some. Some people will be like, oh, are you the skater? And some people will know me from, like, hosting messiness on mtv. Like, it will, like, there will always be people who know you from certain things. And I think for a while, I just really didn't want to be known as a skater. And I don't feel like I'm known as a skater now. I feel like I'm known as somebody who skates. Is that. That's also a crazy thing to say, because it's the same thing. It's like that clip where it's like, you don't love your job. You have to job your love. If you've ever seen that clip, it's basically. It's a clinically insane woman saying some. Something that. That doesn't make any sense. And the. She's saying it on a podcast. It's like in a podcast clip, and she says all of this. And the person who's interviewing goes, I love that. I think I've talked about this before, but it is. That's what I just did with the entertainment of it all. I take out a Top hat and a cane, and the curtain's closing. I'm bowing. So I. I. To go back to it. I think that, like, I just avoided it for a really long time, and I. I feel like I'm coming back to it as a different person. And I have my Olympic experience, and I have my athletic experience, but I don't see myself as an athlete. And I think that's the biggest thing of, like, I don't think of myself as an athlete. I think of myself as somebody who does work, like, in Hollywood and in entertainment and, like, comedy and stuff like that. Like, that's how I think of myself. I just have this skating experience. So, like, when I go back into this. This skating stuff, I don't feel like, oh, I'm back as a skater. I feel like I'm in it as an entertainer, and I think that, like, I feel very comfortable in it in that way. So when I watch the skating, it feels like, I don't know, I have no desire to go out there and do it. How about that? I don't. I love to do it. I don't do it very often. I wish I would do it more. I wish I had more time to. To do it more. I'm. I'm spending so much time on Canva, making YouTube thumbnails and, like, previews for whatever, but, yeah, I wish I had more time to. To go skate and may, you know, maybe I would want to perform again. But I don't know. I. I re. I don't think so. I think the idea of, like, trying to shove this body into, like, a tight costume is, like. I think it would feel like walking the plank, and I'd be like, just, I'm gonna jump. I'm gonna jump. Right? And so I don't have that. I don't have that desire. And I think, like, I really, like, when I go to a skating event or, like, any sort of, like, athletic competition, I'm coming at it from the point of view of, like, a journalist, comedian, and entertainer. That's how I come at it as. So I don't have those feelings of, like, God, those were the days. And I think that's why. And I think that's why, like, this answer is a bit uncontroversial. Uncontroversial. That's not what I meant. That's why this is a bit of a, like, un. What is the word? After I just talked about this muscle of my mind, my podcast mind. Well, there you go. Unconventional. There we go. See, I work the. Sometimes The. The wires get crossed when you got this Entertainer's mind. Hello, my darling. Hello, my sweetie. Like, I am sorry for saying that a million times, but, yeah, I. So I just. I don't feel like. And I feel like somebody who used to be an athlete, but I feel like I'm coming at it from now. The point of view is like, comedian, entertainer, person, human brother, husband. So, yeah, I don't have those, like, lustful feelings of, like, getting back out there. And I actually, I enjoy it a lot. And I love the capacity of which I, like, work with sports. And so I don't have any sort of bittersweet feelings about it. And I just think that. I think it's because I've. I've had distance from it and I've found my way back to it in a really, like, organic and beautiful way that I'm really, honestly and earnestly grateful for, because it also gives me, like, greater appreciation for, like, what I did and all of the things that, like, you know, all of the time and energy I put into that, but it just feels. It feels like a. An older chapter. And I do feel like. And I felt this, like, kind of recently in the life last, like, few months that, like, I'm really stepping into that, like, next chapter of like, whatever I'm. I'm doing. So, yeah. Long story short, and 30 minutes later, sorry, I. I don't feel that. But I completely understand why you would and why a lot of people do. But I think sometimes instead of feeling like, I wish I could get out there, am I missing out on something or, like, sad, I think those feelings are totally normal because I've also felt. I'm not saying that I've never felt them. I just don't feel them anymore. And I think it's because I've had more distance from it and I've had, like, a lot of time to reflect on it. And I'm really grateful for that former version of me who did all of that stuff. And I really admire all of that, like, athletes of. Of today. And. And I think that also because I've had distance from it a lot of the. Those young athletes who are, like, now the top athletes, like, they were watching me when I was. When they were young. Like, I have sometimes every once in a while, like, I'll have a skater who, like, shows me a picture of, like, me and them, and it's like, it looks like me and then it looks like me with, like, a child I stole from the nicu. And they're like, that's me and I'm like, what year were you born in? They're like 2005. And I'm like, I pull out a gun and I say, get the out of here with that. Being born in this millennia. But, you know, it's just, I, I, there's, I have distance from it, and so I feel like they look at me as somebody who's just like, older and been through it. Does that make sense? It makes sense to me now. Not that this was, like, heavy, but this is like, sort of like, you know, I'm just telling a story. So I'm gonna. Let's do a text message. We did a voicemail. I was called out, which I should have been for not doing text and voicemails in the last episode. So let's do one text message so we can kind of COVID both bases. And this text message says it starts with, I hope you can get photos on this. Okay? I want this texter listener to know I can get photos. And I got it. I'm going to read the rest and then we're going to talk about it. I hope you can get photos on this, but I just can't stop thinking about the uncanny appearance between you and Stingy from Lazytown. Is there something you're not telling us? It's giving double life. Okay, One ego check, right? This is, like a really humbling text message from, from a listener I'm getting because I, I don't know if anyone who listens to this podcast. Lazy Town is a children's show, okay? And it's a children's show. I don't know if you've, like, ever seen it, but it's like, it's sort of like Muppet, like, where there's, like, puppets, but there's also people. It's like, very cartoony. It's very whatever. There is a character on there who. And I. If there was a way for me to send a cease and desist letter to somebody who texts the podcast, it would go to this person. Because you need to see a photo of Stingy the puppet. Okay? He looks like Augustus Gloop from Willie Wonka. I'm furious that I'm getting comparisons to Stingy the puppet from Lazytown. I don't even know. I don't. I. You know what it is? It's the ears. It's the ears and it's like the brown kind of hair. It better not be anything else. With his sad, like, low lids, heavy, dark circle eyes. But it's the ears because he's Got like ears that are kind of like out. And I kind of have like ears that like, stick out. I'm not ashamed. I need to hear, right? What do you want me to do? I'm not going to get ear pinning surgery. I did kind of look into it though. At one point in time I was like, what if I just get my ears pinned back like a bulldog, right? I didn't, I didn't do it because I was like, oh, because you can't like lay on your side. And I was like, I'll never get any sleep. I do love that I talked myself out of getting ear pinning surgery when I've never, I never. I was. When I say looking into it, I watched two YouTube videos, okay? It's not like I was calling doctors. It was like I watched two YouTube videos and the recovery looked disgusting. So I said, no, I'm gonna stick with the big old ears I got. But you know, a guy's gotta hear, so I'm not ashamed of my ears. And Stingy the puppet shouldn't be afraid of his ears either. I do see what you're saying. I do feel like I do look a little bit. Like if you squint your eyes and, and you literally get hit in the back of the head with a frying pan and then you like wake up, then I do think I look kind of exactly like Stingy the puppet from Lazytown. Very humbling to kind of get that comparison. You know, some people, this is exactly what happens to me all the time. And when I say all the time, it's happened to me a few times in my life. Not all the time, but somebody will be like, you look exactly like. And they'll, they'll be like this person. And I'll be like, oh, really? And I'll look it up and it'll be like the missing link. And I'm like, in what world do you think I look like this Neanderthal? That when you looked at me, this is the first thing that came to mind. Knuckle dragging Neanderthal. Hey, you kind of look like this person. Excuse me. Go to LensCrafters, go to church, get on your knees and beg God for forgiveness. You're bullying me. But Stingy the puppet, I'm. I, I hear you. I see you. I do hate it now. I'm. Before we end this episode, I, I want to talk about Lazytown and you should look up clips. It's very like larger than life, right? The whole show. There's one character, he's a full grown human Adult who has some sort of, like, European accent. His name is Sporticus. I remember watching the show younger, you know, being younger, going, I think I have a crush on Sporticus. And I went back and I looked at clips of him today after reading this podcast. And, you know, I read the podcast as I read this text message, I mean, and I went, oh, yeah, that's right. Sporticus is, like, one of the hottest guys in the world. I think Lazytown isn't, like, this universe, but if he is, he's one of the hottest guys in the universe, because I don't think he's in this world. He's, like, built like a truck. You gotta look this guy up, Sporticus. So, yeah, I'm not getting any comparisons to Sporticus. It's nice to know I'm getting comparisons to a puppet named Stingy who sings a song about, like, everything being his. He's a greedy little puppet. So not only that. And he's like. And he's with a bow. He looks like Peewee Herman. Horrible. I need to get hotter immediately. I need to get hotter immediately. So people are like, you look like Austin Butler. You look like Sporticus from Lazytowne. Not the puppet. Not the greedy child puppet. Okay? Not the puppet who doesn't know how to share. Ugh. Well, anyway, that's show business, everyone, if you would like to call or text the podcast, and you should, because we have good fun on here. And I love everybody that does it. I really do. I'm. I'm. I'm. I took a pause there because I stared at a photo, a large photo of Stingy the puppet right in front of me, and it kind. It took me back. I went, oh, my God, is. Am I looking in a mirror? And thank God. God I'm not, Because it's child puppy. Just, like, can't grow a beard, still has got baby fat, hasn't slept in years. Anyway, you should call or text the podcast with any intrusive thoughts that you have or anything that you'd like to hear me talk about. And you can do that by calling or texting the podcast hotline at 310-90-971 17. You can find that number in my Instagram bio on my link tree. Put it in your phone, call it whenever you want. And I have so many more to go through. And I promise we will. And I promise I will. When I say we, I mean, like, listen, it's just me, and my dog is sleeping on the floor, so it's just. It's just me and that's it for this episode of. Of Intrusive Thoughts. It was good. It was great. And it was an ego check. It was all three of those things all at once. Everything all at once. And so as we do. I'm Adam Rippon, and these have been my Intrusive Thoughts. Sa.