Transcript
Adam Rippon (0:01)
Sometimes to get ready for this trip that you have in five days, you're going to have this, like, four to five day grace period of looking like. And sometimes you have to look like to look like a supermodel. Hello, everyone, and welcome back to Intrusive Features Thoughts. I am your host, Adam Rippon, the man with all the thoughts. And most of them are intrusive, and I'm not going to hide any of them from you. Thank you for joining me on this episode of Intrusive Thoughts. So what are we going to talk about today? Well, it is Pride month. Okay. And I want to start with one thing. Now, will this, like, lead into anything else? Absolutely not. I just want you to know what's happening to me in the month of Pride. How am I doing? Glad you asked. I got an email from. Now, you would think that this is going to start out like, wow, how cool is that? It's not. You're going to have to let me finish. I got an email from the jewelry conglomerate of Cartier. You're like, whoa, okay, how could it get bad? I don't really understand. All right, let me read the email and how. And you also might be thinking, what does this have to do with Pride? It does. Give me a second. So they say in this email, I'm not going to read you the whole thing. It's about. I've never read the whole email. I only read what they put in bold. Okay, so it's our first time reading the email together. All I know, it's not good. Here we go. We are writing to inform you that an unauthorized party gained temporary access to our system and obtained limited client information. The affected information did not include any passwords, credit card details, or other banking information. Okay, now they're just saying. Also, okay. The confidential nature of a relationship with you is very important to us, and we regret any inconvenience this may. Has. This may have caused you. All right, so let's just to. To get it straight, they lost my information. What information they had, who knows? I have no idea what they would have. But how did they start this email? Okay, this is what I'm getting to. How did they start this email? It says, Dear Ms. Rippon. Dear Ms. Rippon. So in Pride Month, I got this email. June 2nd. Okay? In Pride Month, it's the second day of Pride, and they're going, hey, boy, we sold your information to Russians. That's kind of what I'm assuming that. That they did. Boy. Hey, Ms. Rippon. Excuse me, Ms. Rippon, misgendering me the second day of pride and selling all my information to God knows who. Anyway, I'll probably be back. They will get my business again, and I'll give them new information. And maybe with this one, they'll call me Mr. Rippon. I guess no guarantees. I'll have to see what happens when they sell it to somebody else. Next, pride. Dear Ms. Rippon, it did give me a bit of a chuckle, because for some reason now, I don't know why I have this, but I have like multiple different emails. It's like, not because I'm so busy, believe me. It just. Over the years, I've accumulated different forms of how people could reach out to me, and I got this specific email, all to a Ms. Rippon who doesn't exist. They're like, transition. If you're really gay. If you're really that gay, transition. Don't be fucking scared, Cartier. What? At the end of the email, it says, should you have any further questions. Yeah, I'd like to talk to HR Ms. Rippon, please. Pride month. This is what happens when you elect Trump for the second time. You have Cartier misgendering you. I think on purpose, I'm gonna say it. I think they may have done it on purpose. There's no proof, but I'll just gonna put it out there. Like I said, I will be back. All right, now that had nothing. Happy pride, everyone. Happy pride. Right? I have to end on a happy note. That will have nothing to do with anything else. I will talk about on this episode of Intrusive Thoughts. You know, the thoughts are intrusive. Hopefully we learn something at the end of when I share these thoughts. Because you know what I hope throughout the duration of this podcast is I'll share these thoughts. You know, kind of how I'm sharing the thoughts of how I was called Ms. Rippon by the owner of Cartier from the Maison Cartier, as. As it says at the end of this email. And maybe I'll learn something. Maybe not. Maybe we will all together, you know, maybe, like, we'll all walk away from this and learn something. But from this specific story I just told. No learn anything. If anything, somebody out there learned my former address. They learned something. They didn't learn my gender, though. That's for damn sure. Ms. Rippon, I'm really not bothered by it at all. I. I'm actually not. I don't want you to think I actually am. I do think it's quite funny. Now, I do want to tell you a story. Now this Is scary. I pride was off to a rough start the other day. I was up early, and I thought, you know what? I'm up early. My dog Tony was up, and when he gets up, he's, like, up. He's, like, walking around. He. He's ready to go. He wants to go for a walk first thing in the morning. My other dog, Tracy, she won't get out of bed. She'll, like, kind of acknowledge that it's the morning, but she will stay in bed, which I think is, like, so chic. So I'm like, okay, all right, Tracy, you stay in bed. Tony, let's go. So I am taking Tony for a walk around the block where we live. And we live in. In la. In, like, one of, like, the suburb parts. Like, in Pasadena. Not like Pasadena. I live in Pasadena. I'll stop being coyote because the last time I was coy, I got called Ms. Rippon by Cartier. So, all right, I'm gonna be straight to the point. Is that what that is, what a man would do? Which is, I guess, what they're asking me to do at Cartier. I don't know. So I live in Pasadena, and I'm taking my dog Tony for a walk in the morning. It's quite early. The sun isn't out yet. And we're going around the block, and I hear this rustle in the bushes, and I'm like, oh, God. I'm, like, starting to roll my eyes a bit, because I'm assuming, okay, it's a squirrel. And my dog Tony, if there's something about him, he loves me for sure, and he loves his other dad and he loves his sister. But I think somewhere in there, I don't know who's getting knocked down the totem pole. Squirrels are right up there, and I can't blame them because they look like they could be a lot of fun. Right? They're always scurrying around. They're always kind of looking quickly at things. I get the appeal. You know, I'm not naive. I get it. They look like they'd be a lot of fun. But I'm not ready for Tony to go crazy after a squirrel. And as a dad, I don't allow it. Right? We don't. We don't do that. We don't act like that outside. Sorry. You know, I know there are some people out there who are like, let dogs be dogs. No. Let dogs have manners. How about that, Ms. Rippon? Right? How about that? So I can see that this squirrel, or so I think is making A lot of noise in the bushes. And I'm like, can this squirrel please not do this right now? Because I see Tony get really into what's happening in the bush, and I'm saying, tony, come on. No, let's go. We got to continue the walk. And then I see what I think is, like, the squirrel running through the bush. That's weird. I didn't know squirrels ran through bushes. And then I have to say to Tony, all right, Tony, leave it. Let's go. We're gonna keep going. As soon as I say this, the little, like, brown thing I had seen, like, scurrying through the bush turns into a little snout, and then out crawls. Not walks, Crawls down close to the floor. A coyote? Yeah. So this coyote comes out walking towards us now, right? Like, this has always been, like, my worst nightmare of what would happen if we ran into a coyote. Because I'll tell you, sometimes we will see a coyote in and around the neighborhood that we live in, and it feels like, why are they here? Like, what are they doing here? Because we live near a busy street. The, like, in the, like, downtown ish area, right? What is a coyote doing here? Shouldn't you be nervous, buddy? So it's always been my nightmare that, like, a coyote would, like, find us interesting, right? Like, this is the. I want everyone to find me interesting. This is the one thing I don't want to find me interesting, is a wild coyote in my neighborhood, right? Like everyone else, I'm like, pay attention, right? Even Cartier. I'm like, I'll take it. I'll take it. I'll take the Miss Rippon. As long as you're calling it doesn't matter. But the coyote is who I don't want to pay any attention to me. And unfortunately, they're incredibly interested in everything I have to do and say. And Tony, too. So this coyote is crawling, sneaking up on us. Like, it low to the ground. It is defending itself, going to attack us. I don't know. But I know that you need to be loud, and you need to create, like, a commotion. When there is a coyote approaching you, you basically need to haze them or scare them, right? And so I know I'm supposed to make a lot of noise, and I don't know why this was the noise that I decided to, like, go with. And it's like, the most, like, deep down, most Pennsylvania part of me that comes out, you know, I work so hard on. On my own manners, right? Like, I was just talking about my dog's manners. But I work so hard on my own and my etiquette that the most Pennsylvania part of me comes out in moments of crisis. It's like fight or flight. And I choose a fight in Pennsylvania. That's what I always choose. So this coyote comes at me, and I am screaming. It's quite early in the morning. Hey, get the. Away from me and my fucking dog, you fucking freak. I'm screaming this, right? I think when they say make noise, they mean, like, yell, like, hey, whoa, boo. Something like that, right? But I. Not me. No, that's not what I'm gonna say. I'm gonna call the coyote a fuckhead, a fuckface. Well, he actually did not take to that pretty well. Did not scare him at all. I think it actually. I think this coyote did speak English because he actually kind of got even more mad at that. And I said, what the are you doing? He wasn't leaving us alone. He starts, like, lunging at Tony, who he's having the time of his life. He thinks, this is the most fun that we've ever had. Oh, my God. I love. This is better than a squirrel. And I'm like, dude, this thing doesn't like you. It actually hates us and thinks that we're delicious. And so then I start to try to lunge at the coyote from, like, the other side. Coyote doesn't give a shit. The coyote is the one who probably wrote this email. Hey, Ms. Rippon. Little lady. Hey, little lady. I don't care. So we have this back and forth where I'm trying to scare the coyote away again, Top of my lungs. Hey, fuck head. Back the fuck up. Like, he actually has any idea what I'm saying. And I'm also trying to pull Tony away. He was, like, wagging his tail the whole time. Can we not? So finally, I see these cars, like, driving towards us. Like, it's a busy. It's a busy street, but it's quite early, so there's not a lot of people on the road. So I finally. Thank God, see these cars driving towards us, and I start, like, waving them down, like, please come here. Hello. Hello. And thank God, you know, because we've had a lot of coyotes, like, in the area. Thank God whoever was driving through figured out what was happening. And so I see them, like, drive at me, and they see the coyote, and they, like, swerve the car into the coyote. Now, you know what I said to the coyote? I pissed him off. He was pissed, and he saw the car. And there's a moment where I could see in his tiny, little, stupid coyote brain where he was trying to figure out, okay, should I try to take on the car, or should I just run away? Or should I actually keep going after these two losers? After Ms. Rippon and his dog. Let me see, what should I try that? Thank God the car has the sensibility to, like, you know, pump on the gas a little bit and, like, scare the coyote. Honk on the horn, coyote runs, off I go. Thank God. Thank God that car figured out what was happening, because I don't think that coyote was going to leave us alone. And so I cross the street, and then I cross the street again. And then I cross the street again. So basically, like, if I was at a intersection, I, like, cross the street. So now I'm all the way on the other side of the street that I live on. Are you following? Hopefully walk down the street. I check both directions, and I want to see, okay, make sure that this coyote is gone, that it actually ran away. And it's not, like, stalking us now, you know, that it's out, not outside my door going, hey, Ms. Rippon, it's Cartier calling. Little bitch, we're gonna eat you. That wasn't happening. So I crossed the street. And, you know, I'm obviously, like, I'm shaken up, right? Even though I had the bravery to tell a coyote to his face that he was a, like, dike, he cared at all. He could have cared. Not even any less that I called him a. But I start walking up. I'm walking to our front door, and wouldn't you fucking know, we have, like, a little garden area. And through the side, from one of the bushes at the side near our front door, another coyote walks right up and starts following me, like, hey, hey, what are you guys doing? Like, actually, a idiot starts, like, following us up our front door. I'm like, this can't be real. So I'm like, unlocking the door, I throw Tony in now. Throw. He's 50 pounds. It's a light toss into the door. He's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, what's going on? Come inside. Slam the door, lock the door. My husband's like, what the hell is going on? And I tell him. I'm like, oh, we were just attacked by a coyote who didn't give a about what was going on. And I had to wave down a car to run me over and then direct them to scaring the coyote, which kind of wasn't scared. And so I tell this all to JP and he's like, okay, I'm Going to go outside and if any coyotes are around the house, I'm going to like chase them off so that they don't get like comfortable coming around the house. Excellent idea. He goes outside and there are now two coyotes outside our front door, basically gossiping about me. Where it's like, can you believe that guy just like ran in or he called her friend a face. They're basically on the sidewalk. I know, like in whatever. Like, however coyotes do it, they're talking. I know it. And so jp, like, you know, runs after them, like, hey, get out of here. Like, whatever. And they're doing the slowest run. They're like, oh, God. Okay, okay. Like they couldn't be bothered. And so the moral of the story is be careful of the coyotes out there. Because I remember as soon as this happened, I was like, I'm going to Dick's Sporting Goods and I'm buying myself a Louisville Slugger because I'm not going to take it anymore, right? They don't care if I call them face, but they'll care if I take a Louisville Slugger to them. And then I'm like, I'm not carrying a baseball bat on these walks. Like, no. So I have learned that if this ever happens again, and I've equipped myself for if it does ever happen again, I have a little thing of pepper spray. Because now I know that they're not scared of me. Little old Ms. Rippon, right? They're not scared of me at all. And they're not scared of the noise. They actually felt empowered by it. And they weren't scared by somebody chasing them. It was a light summer jog that they did away from the house as my 6, 4 big Finnish husband is like, hey, get out of here. They're like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, Jogging out of here, like, not breaking a sweat. So now I have pepper spray. A little tiny little pink pepper spray because it was somehow $3 cheaper than the black one at Target. So I got the pink one and I have that with me now for like my own security. Just in case I see a squirrel, I say in quotes in the bushes. It's not. It was the, the nose of a coyote sniffing us out. It's. It's wild out there. Okay? So that's the moral of that story. There's only one more thing I want to talk about. Okay? Again, these have no linking pieces. Obviously, I'm frazzled. I was attacked by a coyote. Then I was attacked by a major, you know, 100 plus year old company, personally attacked. And this is the last thing. And it has nothing to do with anything else. So I don't want you to try to, you know, invisible string theory. These stories together, they do not belong. I'll find a way to kind of tie it all together. But the theme of it is like, happy pride. Like, none of it is happy, but we'll get there. I was the other day on TikTok and I fell down a rabbit hole of watching these videos of people who are backpacking through Europe, okay? And in these videos, it's usually starts with me before backpacking around Europe, me after. So it's basically a video of them, like, at the airport, or it's a video of them looking quite tired at their job. And then the next clip is like, after. Like, after they've been backpacking. And, you know, all the comments are like, oh, my God, like their souls come alive after they've been backpacking. You can see the light in their eyes again. It's like, oh, my God, you're right. Like, the light was gone and now the light is, like, so bad. Like, the light is so back in their eyes. And the thing that I thought was quite funny, I did get a little chuckle out of it was a lot of people on Tick Tock, if you ever are on Tick Tock, a lot of people love to do, like, think pieces on any subject. They'll sit there and they'll talk to the camera and give like a New York Times level breakdown of like, whatever, okay? And somebody is doing a breakdown of the backpacking through Europe theory. And they're like, I don't know what it is, but, like, these people, it just. It changes people. And they look incredible and I don't know what it is. And it's just like, wow. And I didn't really need to think that hard about it because I know what it is, right? And I'll tell you what it is. And this is really gonna, like, it's gonna burst your bubble. Sorry. Somebody has to tell you the truth. This is what it is. They got a tan and they lost 15 pounds. Okay? That would make anyone look like they got this light in their eye back. That's what's happening. Okay? All of these people are at the airport looking like Humpty Dumpty. Yeah, let's see how this goes. And then you see them three to six months later, they've been walking 20 miles a day, they have a gorgeous tan, and they lost 15 pounds. Of course, I can't put my finger on it. It's crazy. They've Got the, the. They've got their sparkle back. I don't know how they did it. I'll tell you what they did. They walked for, you know, eight hours a day. They got a tan and that helped them lose £15. And, you know, sometimes it makes me think Maybe I'm just 15 pounds away from getting my sparkle back, you know, and there's another one where it's like, oh my God, this girl looks so different. Like, what happened? Like, you see the before and you're like, okay, she was away for eight months. All the filler in her face dissolved. Right, right. I'm sure, like the backpacking and then like constant exercise. Like, I am sure that was like, incredibly helpful. I would say it was even pivotal right. To her feeling good. But the. Like, I. How did. What this is backpacking did this? No, no. Not getting filler for eight months, losing 15 pounds and getting a tan is what did that. And she did that through backpacking. You know, we just need to remember, like, how did she get there? She got there that way. It's not like I put the backpack on and it's just like, everything is better after that. The process of, of getting better. But I just, I just thought that was funny because it really is that, like, everybody looks better with a tan. And that's if anything, that's what these videos did prove to me. You know, it's a guy in a office building lit, you know, overhead lighting. Tough. Overhead lighting is tough. And then all of a sudden it's like golden hour and Barcelona. Right. Of course he's gonna look better. And he's 15 pounds lighter with the tan. Like I said, of course he's gonna look better. Right. He's got a scruffy little beard and like long, beautiful curly hair. And before he was trying to slick it back dippity doo style in an overhead lit office in Chicago. Not even in Springfield, Illinois. How about that? It's like not even in the city where it's like you're getting the city light. No, not even that. Springfield and then Barcelona. Right. Doesn't. It doesn't really compare. And you can't go, I don't know how they're doing it. I do golden hour in Spain. You know, exercising for 20 days. Getting a tan leads to a 15 pound weight loss. Getting your sparkle back. Ah, gotta break it down for yourself. I also will kind of do anything reason to myself in any way of why I should never, ever, ever go backpacking anywhere. You should only backpack to school. Like wear a backpack to School. Backpacking through the world is so intimidating to me. You know, all the props to people who do it, because it does. Like I've noticed on Tik Tok, it does give you your sparkle back once you do get that tan and the filler dissolves. 15 pound weight loss. It's incredible. It's incredible. That's enough out of me. I want to go right to the voicemails today. So for me, this is Ms. Rippon kind of signing out of this and getting right to the voicemails. Please leave your message after the tone.