Podcast Summary: The Power of Balance with Stephen Barden
Episode: The Power of Tenderness
Date: December 28, 2025

Episode Overview

In this solo episode, Stephen Barden explores the counterintuitive notion that true leadership power emerges not from aggression or control, but from tenderness. Drawing on his book, “How successful leaders do business with their world,” and decades of coaching experience, Barden delves into the origins of our power dynamics, examines the roots of competitive leadership styles, and makes the case for tenderness—an active, nurturing, and systemic approach to leadership—as the most effective way to lead organizations, cultivate innovation, and create balance.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Redefining Power and Leadership

• Power as Capacity:
  Power is rooted in “the capacity to act,” not necessarily in domination or control.

  “Power comes from the Latin word potis, and eventually evolved into the French pouvoir, meaning to be able to do. In simple terms, power is simply the capacity to act.” (01:03)

• Stances on Power:

  • Oppositional Stance: Stemming from childhood experiences with power imbalance, this stance sees the world (or organization) as adversarial, leading to suspicion, competition, and constant vigilance.
  • Partnering Stance: Emerging from a sense of balance with the world, this outlook encourages collaboration and treats the world (or team) as an ally.

  “Those we call powerful have much more capacity to act than those we call powerless. But they’re both on the same continuum.” (01:14)

2. Origins of Competitive Leadership

• Many “aggressive, combative” leaders are driven by deep-seated anxieties and a sense of vulnerability, not strength.

• The urge to amass power over others often reflects an attempt to reduce personal angst and vulnerability.

  “Is the drive to gain power over others...actually a drive to remove the angst of vulnerability? And does the drive for monopoly power reflect a feeling of extreme vulnerability?” (09:05)

• Even with amassed power, oppositional leaders rarely feel safe; their suspicion extends even to “familiars”—their closest colleagues.

3. The Pitfalls of Competition

• Limited Innovation:
  Excessive focus on competition traps leaders in cycles of sustaining innovation (incremental improvement) instead of breakthrough thinking.

  “Competition is no friend of innovation. Clayton Christensen’s works on innovation...are very clear about that.” (18:12)

• Historical Innovations Were Collaborative:
  Pioneering achievements like the Internet and AI emerged from cooperation, not rivalry.

  “The pioneers of the Internet and the World Wide Web worked cooperatively to create those technologies for the common good.” (21:10)

4. Defining Tenderness in Leadership

• Tenderness is not simply empathy or compassion, but the active desire to nurture, develop, and remove barriers to others’ capacities.

  “Tenderness is, for me, the recognition of the vulnerability of others from one’s own place of vulnerability and the desire to help, to intervene...It’s nurturing, developmental and active.” (25:41)

• Etymology:
  The word “tender” originally means both “to stretch” and “to reach out”—implying vulnerability and the act of offering support.

• Difference from Softness or Coddling:
  Tenderness is not about being soft or overindulgent; it’s about systemic, active engagement with people’s and organizations’ needs and vulnerabilities.

  “Tenderness doesn’t exploit the vulnerabilities of the other. It partners to nurture and develop the other for the common good.” (28:19)

5. Systemic Application of Tenderness

• At every level—individual, team, organization, society—tenderness operates by diagnosing and addressing barriers to capacity.

• When integrated into management, tenderness enhances not only individual well-being but organizational output, innovation, and adaptability.

  “Tenderness may look like an interpersonal emotion, but it’s actually a philosophy of values… the operational expression of the partnering stance, but it’s also a healing for the oppositional leader.” (37:21)

6. Real-world Examples

• WD-40 (with Gary Ridge):
  Shifted from management to coaching; managers became “tenderers,” focused on team growth and development, yielding high trust, employee satisfaction, and strong financial results.

• Buurtzorg (Dutch home care):
  Uses self-managing teams with decentralized, client-centered decision-making, exemplifying “tender” leadership.

• Mindera (tech consultancy):
  Applies a “Teal” model (as described by Frederic Laloux), emphasizing self-management, wholeness, and evolutionary purpose—each aligning with the ethos of tenderness.

  “Employees…are encouraged to own and make their own decisions at their operational level. Wholeness entails bringing your social persona to work…compassion and tenderness, if you like.” (47:10)

  • High employee ratings (Mindera: 4.4 on Glassdoor, 87% recommend; Buurtzorg: 4.1, 78%).

7. Tenderness as a New Management Model

• Contrast with Taylorism:
  Previous models focused on control, efficiency, and cost. Tenderness instead treats employees as complex beings to be enabled, not driven.

  “A tenderness based model… is probably the first management model since industrialization that really addresses the employee as a socially and psychologically complex being.” (52:26)

• Tenderness requires systemic consistency:
  It must be integrated throughout the organization—from recruitment and coaching to operations and strategy—to be effective and trusted.

• Balanced Stakeholder Focus:
  Organizations cannot prioritize one group’s interests (e.g., employees) at the expense of others (e.g., clients, stakeholders). True tenderness addresses and integrates the needs of all, creating powerful alliances and sustainable success.

Memorable Quotes

• “Vulnerability of this kind… is a very uncomfortable state. It's one where angst is always present, humming below the surface, and always reminding us of our vulnerability. It's a place that most sane, sentient beings would like to escape.” – Stephen Barden (10:48)

• “Competing against you, measuring myself against you, may be hemming me in... Competition is no friend of innovation.” – Stephen Barden (18:29)

• “Tenderness is the most accurate diagnostic tool a leader has for understanding what increases or decreases the capacity of their people, their organization, and their society... and for understanding their own capacity.” (34:50)

• “What Teal, the partnering stance, and tenderness does for the first time is address the employee… as a valuable source of real knowledge and expertise and as a psychologically complex being that needs to be enabled rather than driven to perform.” (59:17)

• “You cannot single out the interests of the employee or… any one of the stakeholders. You have to put the interests of the employee and the client and the organization front and center. You have to be tender with all three, and in the process, you’re creating some very powerful allies.” (01:03:18)

Notable Segments with Timestamps

• Defining Power & Early Influences on Leadership: (01:00–06:55)
• Vulnerability and Defensive Leadership: (07:00–15:35)
• Competition vs. Innovation: (18:00–24:00)
• Etymology & Essence of Tenderness: (25:41–29:40)
• Applying Tenderness Systemically: (34:50–39:00)
• Real-world Organizational Examples: (41:46–51:46)
• Comparison to Historical Management Models: (52:26–58:09)
• Balanced Stakeholder Focus – Purposeful Tenderness: (01:03:00–end)

Summary Tone

Barden’s tone throughout is thoughtful, gently provocative, and rooted in both scholarly insight and practical leadership wisdom. He challenges leadership dogmas not with antagonism, but with an empathetic philosophy, inviting listeners to question, reflect, and—crucially—try something new: tenderness.

For Listeners

If you want to move beyond the myth of the competitive, combative leader and foster environments where people and organizations both thrive, this episode supplies both the rationale and real-world inspiration for adopting tenderness as your leadership North Star.