Wherefore Art Thou - not the why but the wherefore - The Power of Balance

Podcast Summary: The Power of Balance

Episode Title: Wherefore Art Thou - Not the Why but the Wherefore
Host: Stephen Barden
Release Date: November 28, 2024

Introduction to the Episode

In the episode titled "Wherefore Art Thou - Not the Why but the Wherefore," Stephen Barden challenges conventional leadership paradigms by questioning the foundational concepts of purpose and meaning. Drawing from his book “How Successful Leaders Do Business With Their World”, Barden delves into the intricate relationship between leaders and their environments, advocating for a balanced approach over the traditionally admired aggressive leadership styles.

The Myth of the Fiercely Competitive Leader

Stephen Barden begins by addressing the prevalent myth that successful leaders are inherently competitive and combative. He argues that such leaders often mask a deep-seated anxiety about power imbalances and potential threats from their environments.

Stephen Barden [00:00]: "We have been sold a myth: that good, successful leaders are fiercely competitive battlers."

From 'Why' to 'Wherefore'

Barden critiques the popular notion of "finding your why," as advocated by Simon Sinek, suggesting that an earlier, more foundational question should be asked: "Wherefore?" He posits that understanding one's place and the relationship with the surrounding world is crucial before delving into purpose.

Stephen Barden [00:45]: "Instead of asking why, it may be wise to ask, wherefore?"

Meaning vs. Purpose

A significant portion of the discussion differentiates between meaning and purpose. Barden explains that while both are interconnected, they are not synonymous. Meaning arises from the relationship between oneself and the surrounding world, whereas purpose is derived from this established meaning.

Stephen Barden [02:30]: "Purpose and meaning are not the same thing, although they are interlinked."

The Role of Power Balance

Central to Barden's thesis is the concept of a balanced power relationship between leaders and their world. He introduces the term "navigational stance" to describe how successful leaders operate in harmony with their environments, ensuring a manageable balance of power and value.

Stephen Barden [10:15]: "The most successful leaders were those who learned from an early age to assume that they and their world held a reasonable balance of power."

Application to Leadership and Life

Barden emphasizes that achieving balance begins with understanding one's "wherefore." He warns against pursuing purpose without first clarifying one's place and meaning, as this can lead to actions driven by fear rather than genuine value.

Stephen Barden [12:45]: "Unless you see your highest value as being in fear, in terror, then that purpose can't be aligned to your meaning."

Overcoming Childhood Assumptions

The episode delves into how childhood experiences and societal expectations can shape one's perceived place in the world. Barden advises adults to unpick these ingrained assumptions to discover or rediscover their true "wherefore."

Stephen Barden [18:20]: "The first step in clarifying your wherefore as an adult is to unpick your assumptions that you built up as a child."

Integrating 'Wherefore' in Daily Work

Using a personal anecdote about his brother, Barden illustrates how integrating one's place of meaning into necessary tasks can bring joy and resilience, even in unideal circumstances. This integration ensures that actions are aligned with personal values and the broader world.

Stephen Barden [25:50]: "He had brought his creativity and sensitivity into a place where he had to be rather than wanted to be. He brought joy into that place."

Conclusion and Future Topics

Barden acknowledges potential skepticism about the practicality of "wherefore" but defends its significance in achieving a balanced and meaningful existence. He hints at exploring the "wherefore" of organizations and societies in future episodes, promising a deeper dive into collective applications of his philosophy.

Stephen Barden [35:10]: "The wherefore finding it and living it is neither soft nor a utopia. It's a real place where you and your world meet in a balance of power, of value and care."

Notable Quotes

Stephen Barden [00:00]: "We have been sold a myth: that good, successful leaders are fiercely competitive battlers."
Stephen Barden [00:45]: "Instead of asking why, it may be wise to ask, wherefore?"
Stephen Barden [02:30]: "Purpose and meaning are not the same thing, although they are interlinked."
Stephen Barden [10:15]: "The most successful leaders were those who learned from an early age to assume that they and their world held a reasonable balance of power."
Stephen Barden [12:45]: "Unless you see your highest value as being in fear, in terror, then that purpose can't be aligned to your meaning."
Stephen Barden [18:20]: "The first step in clarifying your wherefore as an adult is to unpick your assumptions that you built up as a child."
Stephen Barden [25:50]: "He had brought his creativity and sensitivity into a place where he had to be rather than wanted to be. He brought joy into that place."
Stephen Barden [35:10]: "The wherefore finding it and living it is neither soft nor a utopia. It's a real place where you and your world meet in a balance of power, of value and care."

Final Thoughts

Stephen Barden's "Wherefore Art Thou" invites listeners to reconsider the foundational questions that drive personal and professional lives. By shifting the focus from "why" to "wherefore," Barden provides a framework for achieving a harmonious balance with the world, fostering authentic leadership, and cultivating meaningful lives.

Transcript

Stephen Barden (0:00)

Foreign Sinek advocates find your why and according to his website, defines that why as the contribution you make to the world. It encompasses both your professional and personal purpose. And I love that. What's not to love about anyone who helps us get off the hamster wheel to ask how? Hang on, if I'm a unique person, what's my unique contribution to the world? What gives me my purpose in this world? But is why the first question we should be asking doesn't something crucial come before that? What, after all, is it that gives us meaning in purpose, or even the meaning to pursue that purpose in the first place? Purpose and meaning are not the same thing, although they are interlinked. Both depend on at least two key factors who you are and where you are. Why? Where? Because you're never in isolation. You're always in relationship with your world, the context, the where of your particular existence. So much of who you are is actually the network of assumptions built up through your exploration and experiences in that where. It's that experience of your interactions with the world that forms your meaning. And what do I call meaning? Both the value we place on ourselves in relationship with the world and the value we place on our world. It's that intersection, if you like, where we believe we and our world regard one another at our highest worth. It's where we and our world meet in our hearts, not as transactional contributors to one another, but as being so. Instead of asking why, it may be wise to ask, wherefore? For which place are you in the world? Wherefore art thou, Romeo? Juliet demanded in Shakespeare's play, Not why are you Romeo, as some interpret, but for where are you, Romeo? Where is your place? Where's your place in the world? Not the physical place, but the space that you give yourself in the world with which you identify and which gives you meaning. Wherefore art thou, Romeo? Interestingly, by the way, in German, what for? Is actually made up of the words vo fau, meaning where fuehre, meaning for wherefore, before the Y comes the wherefore. And of course, bound up in the wherefore is the where from, to discover and change if necessary. The who deny thy father, pleads Juliet, and refuse thy name. Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, and I'll no longer be a Capulet. Tis but thy name that is my enemy. Thou art thyself. Though not a Montague, Juliet knows that the only way Romeo can discover wherefore he is is to know and understand where from he truly is. Don't be defined by others. She's saying to him, find for where you really are. Is it to be in the House of Montague with its power, loyalties and conflicts? Is that what gives you meaning? Is that what defines you? Or is it to be in the House of the free man, prepared to stand up for who and what you love? It's the journey and the terrain through which we travel that forms and reforms us. And as we are shaped and reshaped, so we change the places that we make for ourselves in our migration through life. Our mistake, our big mistake, happens when we think we can occupy the same wherefores in our world throughout our adult lives. Actually, the really big mistake is to think that we occupy our places of meaning as if our meaning and self value cannot change. As if life and our experiences stand still while we in the meantime ponder our meaning. Meaning wherefore needs to be revisited time and time again. When we say, for example, life has lost its meaning for me, what we're really saying is I don't know what my world and I mean to each other. I haven't discovered or rediscovered the mutual meaning that my world and I have for one another. And by the way, using the word life is bound to fill anyone with helplessness. Life is too vast. It's limitless. In fact, it can't possibly lose its meaning for anyone. It's not even the world. You certainly haven't experienced all or even the majority of the world. It's your world, which you experience directly, that you're struggling with. It's your value meeting point that you need to find or rediscover. Not in judgment, not as a transaction, not even in doing or in contributing. It's where you find your world at its most precious. That's where you'll find your value. And if you can't find it at first, go back and try again. There must be something in your world that is precious. Even in the face of your home being bombed, your family destroyed, your freedom strangled, you get to know what is precious. Human safety, human life, human freedom. Human. That's your worth. An interesting thought is starting to emerge for me. My research model of the navigational stance found that the most successful leaders were those who learned from an early age to assume that they and their world held a reasonable balance of power, that they and their world could, as I put it, do business together. If that has some truth, then it should also be true that those who hold a reasonable balance of power with their world also hold a reasonable balance of value, of meaning. With their world. So could it be that one of the ways to achieve that balance of power with your world which is so necessary, is to find the balance of value first, your wherefore? You might be starting to wonder, so where's the purpose in all this? What's the point of finding your worth, your meaning, your wherefore, if you can't do anything with it? By focusing on doing, particularly before you have some idea of your meaning place, you're actually threatening your value altogether. You're seeing your value and that of the world as a means to an end. You're saying to yourself, neither my world nor I have value unless we do something. So, of course, your search for your wherefore will be tainted by how can I use this? What can I do with it? You won't be searching for meaning. You'll be hunting for a place to do. You'll be looking for a transaction. What's worse, if you have struggled with meaning and therefore struggled with acting effectively, you'll judge yourself by your lack of action or success rather than by your fit with your world. Juliet, after all, didn't tell Romeo, look, are you a man or a mouse? Make up your bloody mind and do something. She asked him to find himself first and then to take action according to what gave him meaning. Actually, according to the meaning and value he and his world held for one another. Wherefore art thou, Romeo, then? Now what are you going to do? Of course, taking premature action without finding that balance of value first can also lead to you confusing meaning with purpose. Your purpose, for example, may be to destroy your competitor, to conquer your enemy. But destruction, conquest is born of fear. Fear that if you don't win, if you don't obliterate, you will be obliterated. If there were no fear involved, you would have little problem doing business, working with the other. So unless you see your highest value as being in fear, in terror, then that purpose can't be aligned to your meaning. After all, in this case, your purpose would be to obliterate your fear and therefore the enemy that makes you fearful. And if you carried on down that path, your world, your entire world, would end up being your enemy. You would gobble each other up in terror. So first understand and clarify your meaning where you are in your world, and then you can work on your purpose. Then you can act. Jumping to purpose and therefore action before clarifying your wherefore, where you and your world can be at your best means that you could never act at your best. There's a wonderful quote from Bob Dylan's Chronicles, Volume 1 that I was reminded of by the wisdom letter in Substack. The worth of things can't be measured by what they cost, but by what they cost you to get it. And that if anything costs you your faith or your family, then the price is too high. When the balance with your world is out of kilter, be it the balance of power or value, there will always be a cost, whether one is focused on winning, making money, or just scrambling up the career ladder. It isn't a matter of good and evil. All of these things can be done either benevolently or with malice. It's a matter of imbalance and the cost of it. Of course, if you're acting urgently to survive, you're not going to sit down and ponder your meaning. That's when pure purpose comes into play to survive. So this is all very well, but how do we apply that in our world, in our real world? And can the search for the wherefore apply to individuals, organizations and countries? I believe it can. As individuals, we don't have the advantage that new organizations have that of starting with a relatively clean sheet. By the time we are in a position to think meaningfully about our wherefore, we will have held for many years deeply entrenched assumptions about the most basic relationship we have with our world, that of our relative power. That relationship is what I called, of course, the navigational stance, and is of course the obsession of this podcast series. The problem with the formation of this navigational stance is that it isn't ours and it isn't even necessarily a reflection of reality. Our explorations as children are always mitigated by adults, by people with more power, and of course, because the relationship is about relative power, about what you can and cannot do with your world, it contaminates your value. The chances are that if you've been taught that taking up a particular space, being a musician, mathematician or an actor is not a good thing, or is not for you, you're probably not going to see that as a place of meaning for you if you find that as a kid you always came last in sprinting. The chances are that you're not going to pursue athletics unless you were lucky enough that an adult, your parent, your teacher, your coach decided to train you. So the first step in clarifying your wherefore as an adult is to unpick your assumptions that you built up as a child. Look at them without judgment. All you want to know is what are the significant things you learnt to assume, if possible, how and why how they have affected you and whether you still agree with them. Explore with curiosity and dispassionately. Then, when you're ready, think about this. Where is the intersection where I care deeply about my world, so much so that I want to be there, work with it, grow it, nurture it. For example, if you're a lawyer, do you find yourself caring so much about the law that working with your colleagues, challenging bad law, defending sound principles, defending clients, that you have no doubt that you and your world hold deep meaning for one another? What part of the law is it teaching? Is it being on the bench, in court? If none of these, then is there another place where I love being in completely different. The kitchen, making furniture? Is there a place that I haven't even thought of for years because I grew up believing that it wasn't for me, it wasn't a serious job for a grown up. And I know there are times when we believe that we have no choice where we have to stick it out to support a family or even just to survive. What's the good of finding your wherefore then? It could help you understand who you are when you are at your best. It could certainly help you feel that there is a place where the world and you are in harmony, where you don't have to battle. And it can help you bring some of that peace and belonging into the work. Where you have to be right now. You have to be there, because that's the only place where you can earn a living. What can I bring of my wherefore into the place that I'm in now that would help me bring some value and some caring into it? That's the key question. My brother was an extraordinary, creative and tender man. His life and his upbringing told him that these were places that a farmer fending for his family should have no time for. I remember watching him strip and put together an old truck on his farm. Not for fun, but because he needed to. A new truck or even hiring a mechanic was out of the question. As I watched, handing him the odd wrench, screwdriver or file or whatever, I noticed that he worked each part with extraordinary care, patience and tenderness. He was actually creating. He had brought his creativity and sensitivity into a place where he had to be rather than wanted to be. He had brought his place of meaning, his wherefore, into a world which did not give him joy. He brought joy into that place. He. He made it bearable. And it made that truck run much more strongly than it ever should have. The key, I think from this exploration is finding the place where you care for, your context, your wherefore. It's your world, so you care about what you're doing there, the people in it, the values, ethics, its future, its history. And because you care for and about that world of yours, it's after all, your direct experience. It inevitably cares for you. And if you're in a place because you have to be there, that brings you little joy. Bring something from your place of caring and it'll help both you and your work run more strongly than ever. There's so much more to talk about on this, and I have gone back more often than was reasonable to add yet another thought, yet another angle. I'm also well aware that the place of meaning, the wherefore, can sound like yet another gooey marshmallow that people earning a living or running a business will find very little useful other than it tastes good. For a very short moment, all I can say is that I hope I've shown that the wherefore finding it and living it is neither soft nor a utopia. It's a real place where you and your world meet in a balance of power, of value and care. In the next episode, I'll continue the theme, exploring the wherefore of organizations, and hopefully after that, the wherefore of societies. As usual, I more than welcome any thoughtful comments. I'm Stephen Barden. This has been another episode of the Power of Balance.