How to Raise Good Men — Scott Galloway & Richard Reeves Answer Your Questions

Summary

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Episode Overview

Podcast: The Prof G Pod with Scott Galloway
Episode: How to Raise Good Men — Scott Galloway & Richard Reeves Answer Your Questions
Date: November 21, 2025
Theme:
Scott Galloway and Richard Reeves discuss the complexities of modern masculinity, offering advice on fatherhood, the impact of digital culture on boys, and how to model and teach positive masculinity. Through listener questions, they explore topics like talking to children about sex and pornography, engaging young boys in the classroom, and navigating societal expectations around what it means to be a “good man.”

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening and Context Setting

• Richard Reeves joins the podcast from Reykjavik, Iceland, offering a global perspective on masculinity.
• Reeves notes how even in gender-progressive countries like Iceland, young men share struggles similar to those Scott discusses in his work.
• Quote:
  "I'm talking to a lot of young men in Iceland and they're saying the same things that Scott is saying and we've just got to react to that" (Richard Reeves, 02:21)

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2. Talking to Boys About Sex and Pornography

Listener Question: How to keep an open dialogue with a six-year-old boy as he grows, especially about sex and porn? When and how should conversations begin?

Key Insights:

• Richard Reeves:
  • Early conversations about pornography are now essential given its ubiquity online.
  • Avoid shaming; instead, highlight the artificiality of porn versus real-life relationships.
  • Quote:
    "Porn is to real life sex what Harry Potter's Hogwarts is to the typical public middle school. It's the gap between what you're going to see and what it's like is just huge." (Richard Reeves, 03:57)
• Scott Galloway:
  • Shares a candid personal anecdote where traditional “sex talk” attempts failed with his son, illustrating generational gaps and discomfort.
  • Cites studies: average age of first exposure to porn is 12, sometimes younger.
  • Favors respecting privacy unless behavior is far outside the “norm of curious behavior.”
  • Quote:
    "I don't think I've done this very well... There was just no way we could have the conversation. So I've never had the conversation." (Scott Galloway, 05:01)
• Richard Reeves:
  • Commends Scott’s instinct not to shame or surveil—leaving space rather than panicking is positive parenting.
  • Emphasizes that parenting now involves helping boys distinguish fantasy (porn) from reality, rather than old-style “mechanics” talks.
  • Quote:
    "You haven't just reflexively shamed, you haven't gone to surveillance followed by shame. And there's so much shame that can be attached to this anyway that just gets in the way of healthy sexual development." (Richard Reeves, 06:32)

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3. Engaging Young Boys in the Classroom

Listener Question: A female teacher struggles to connect with teenage boys—why is it harder now and what can help?

Key Insights:

• Richard Reeves:
  • Thanks teachers, emphasizing the need for more male educators to balance school culture.
  • Notes how boy culture online can encourage “transgressive” or pseudo-misogynistic behavior as a pushback against female authority, especially when lacking male role models.
  • Boys may use female teachers as “psychological counterpoints” when grappling with identity.
  • Quote:
    "Female teachers are also, candidly, if the boys don't have a strong male role model in their lives...almost becomes another female figure to kind of reject, to act against." (Richard Reeves, 08:38)
• Scott Galloway:
  • Describes “dopamine addiction” fueled by screens—boys crave stimulation, making traditional classroom environments feel unsatisfying.
  • Boys may act out simply for a reaction, mirroring their device-driven “action/reaction” cycles.
  • Quote:
    "He would rather say something inappropriate, lash out, be unreasonable, just to get that dope, just to get a reaction. Because he's gotten action, reaction, action, reaction, action, reaction for so long..." (Scott Galloway, 10:26)
• Richard Reeves:
  • Teachers are often “paying the price” for societal failures—lack of sleep, mentors, nutrition.
  • Studies show later school starts and exercise lead to better outcomes, especially for boys.
  • The root problems are upstream from the classroom.

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4. Modeling Positive Masculinity for a New Generation

Listener Question: How to raise a “good man” amidst narrow, entrenched definitions of masculinity?

Key Insights:

• Richard Reeves:
  • Advocates for “show, don't tell” parenting—kids absorb what you model, not what you lecture.
  • Tells an anecdote: years of gently reminding young men on trains to give up seats; his sons embarrassed then, but eventually emulated his actions.
  • Quote:
    "They will just watch what you do. They will see how you treat your partner, their mom. They will see how you treat people in the street. They'll see how you conduct yourself in life. And if you're a good dad, they are going to be good dudes." (Richard Reeves, 18:36)
• Scott Galloway:
  • Emphasizes treating their mother with respect and kindness as core modeling behavior.
  • Uses the practice “what a man does” to illustrate helpful, considerate actions—like serving others first or assuming responsibility.
  • On dating, he tells his sons a man should pay, citing reasons around biology and social value, while acknowledging pushback.
  • Quote:
    "A man never pours his own water first, right? Never. And so I'll literally look at them... then they pour other water." (Scott Galloway, 20:25)
• Richard Reeves:
  • Adds nuance: paying on dates is about signaling care and willingness to provide, not superiority.
  • Shares the tradition of walking street-side as a symbolic gesture—its meaning persists, even as the practical reason has faded.
  • Quote:
    "What you're signaling is you have some economic resources and that you are willing to spend those economic resources on her. It does not mean superiority. It means service, and it means giving." (Richard Reeves, 22:23)
  • Nostalgic about how these gestures, though “outdated,” reflect enduring values of masculinity done well.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Porn and Reality:
  "Porn is to real life sex what Harry Potter's Hogwarts is to the typical public middle school."
  – Richard Reeves, 03:57

• On Respect and Modeling for Children:
  "It's not what you say. It's what... It's what you do."
  – Scott Galloway, 18:55

• On Dating Customs:
  "A man always pays… I think you should pay."
  – Scott Galloway, 21:28
  "What you're signaling [by paying] is you have some economic resources and that you are willing to spend those economic resources on her... It means service, and it means giving."
  – Richard Reeves, 22:23

• Symbolic Gestures:
  "You always walk street side of a woman. That's one of the things my dad taught me and my mom taught me."
  – Richard Reeves, 23:04

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [02:54] — Answer to question on talking to young boys about sex and porn
• [07:28] — Discussion on difficulties female teachers face with young boys
• [15:41] — Raising good men: the modeling versus lecturing debate
• [18:55] — Scott on “what a man does”: Manners and rituals
• [21:28] — Debate: Should men always pay on the first date?
• [22:23] — Symbolic gestures & enduring traditions in masculinity

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Conclusion

This episode delivers a rich, honest look at the shifting landscape of masculinity, offering concrete advice while emphasizing humility and self-awareness as a parent or teacher. Galloway and Reeves agree: guiding boys to become good men means modeling empathy, service, and respect—less telling, more doing. The realities of a digital, distracted world pose new challenges, but the need for positive, lived-out examples of manhood remains as crucial as ever.

Transcript

[Sponsor/Producer Voice]

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[Scott Galloway]

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[Scott Galloway]

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[Scott Galloway]

Welcome to Prof. G On Masculinity, a special series where we're joined by Richard Reeves, the founding president of the American Institute for Boys and Men, and my Yoda and inspiration around all of this. We're taking your questions on all things masculinity, dating, fatherhood, identity, and everything in between. Anyways, if you'd like to submit a question for next time, you can send a voice recording to office hours of prop2media.com Again, that's office hours of Prop 2 Media. Or post your question on the Scott Galloway subreddit. Richard, where does this podcast find you?

[Richard Reeves]

I'm in Reykjavik, Iceland, Scott, and it's beautiful. I'm here for a conference. The only thing that's ruined it for me is that the president of Iceland was constantly name checking you publicly this morning. She is amazing. And you get things.

[Scott Galloway]

He literally got everything from me. You're literally like, I don't.

[Richard Reeves]

I'm reading this book. I'm reading this book, Notes on Being a Man by Scott Galloway. And I gotta tell you though, I mean, the way she was talking about it, correct credit to you. She's just like, look, we've got to be able to think about boys and men. Iceland's proud of its record on gender equality but she says, I'm talking to a lot of young men in Iceland and they're saying the same things that Scott is saying and we've just got to react to that. And so kudos to you. Right. This message is reaching, like it's really reaching around the world. So thank you for that, Richard.

[Scott Galloway]

Welcome. And are you ready to get into it?

[Richard Reeves]

Totally, yeah. Let's dive in.

[Scott Galloway]

Let's do it. Our first question comes From Winnie Cooper, 73. On Reddit. They say, what's the best way to keep an open dialogue and communication with my 6 year old boy as he ages? What ages do I start talking about sex, porn, how do I do it without making it a big deal or weirding him out? If you could go back and give yourself advice when your boys were six, what would it be? Richard, you kicked us off.

[Richard Reeves]

Yeah. I mean the thing about the Internet and porn generally is that it's just everywhere. That is the world that when his six year old is going to grow up in. There was actually a UK research report that said porn, it's everywhere, which means it's hard to get a control group. That's true of just the online world. And so it's about equipping your son for the online world. And I do think that the conversation about pornography has to happen earlier than it used to and there's no getting around the fact it's going to be weird and awkward. But the key message that I would try and get across more strongly now, my sons are all in their 20s now, is just not to immediately morally shame around porn or sex drive or anything like that. It is to just point to the vast chasm between sex in real life and sex in porn. Porn is to real life sex what Harry Potter's Hogwarts is to the typical public middle school. It's the gap between what you're going to see and what it's like is just huge. It's like a fantasy movie or whatever it is. And I think that's part. So I would really work harder now to just make sure there's just an understanding of how entirely artificial sats that is compared to what the real life experience is. I don't know how I would do that, but that's, I think where a lot of the challenge is here, to be honest, is in that gap between what you see and what you're likely to experience.

[Scott Galloway]

So just some data. A 2024 study found that one in five children aged 10 to 12 are unintentionally exposed to pornography online. Another 2022 survey of U.S. teens age 13 to 17 found that on average, participants see pornography for the first time at age 12, with 15% of participants seeing at age 10 or younger. Also, 45% of participants felt pornography provided them with helpful information about sexual so I'm not sure I have a lot of insight here. I don't think I've done this very well. I took this traditional route thinking that, oh, he's, I forget. ELLIOT I was 14 or 15, it's time to have the sex talk. And we were in vacation, I took my son to the beach and said, okay buddy, it's time to have a talk about sex. And he yelled out this primal scream of no so fast. And he said, can we not please, I really don't want to talk about this with you. And there was just no way we could have the conversation. So I've never had the conversation. And it felt like forcing him to have the conversation would be more traumatizing than anything to happen that's happening to him online when we have found objectional content on their iPad or whatever I've said to my partner, I think unless it's really outside the lines of what would be considered normal, curious young male behavior, we leave them alone. So in sum, what have I done? Almost nothing. I don't know how to intervene thoughtfully. Any follow up thoughts?

[Richard Reeves]

Richard but you haven't done something which is important, given that it is ubiquitous. Porn is ubiquitous. The sex talk is just very different now. And so I'm come back to what I think is it's less like explaining what sex is and what it means, and it's more explaining what it isn't, which is what you're seeing online. So it's not about the mechanics of it in the same way, but what you haven't done. Scott and I think this is a really important message for every parent. You haven't just reflexively shamed, you haven't gone to surveillance followed by shame. And there's so much shame that can be attached to this anyway that just gets in the way of healthy sexual development. And this is a really difficult balance to strike. But I honestly would say that your instinct to not panic, not go straight to shame and not try and shut it all down and instead to give a little bit of space I think is exactly the right one. And I see a lot of parents now not really knowing where the line is. And no one knows where the line is. Scott Right, you don't know where the line is, but you just had a sense you knew that there was a line, a zone of privacy that you had and that you wanted your sons to have.

[Scott Galloway]

Let's head on to question number two. It comes from Reddit user extensionspell40:56 and they say I'm a female teacher. Relating to teenage boys and trying to meet them where they are is hard, much harder than it was 10 years ago. I'm sure this is due to a variety of reasons. IPad, parenting, the death of rec league, casual athletics, the manosphere, et cetera. I know I've been an effective, energetic teacher in the past, but now I'm not so sure. It's like they've evolved to different brains. Any advice on commanding attention and respect in the classroom?

[Richard Reeves]

Well, first of all, I think we should start by thanking her for her work. Actually, my own son has become a fifth grade teacher and he's one of the very few men around those educational institutions. And I do think that one of the reasons I'm really sort of borderline obsessed with getting more men in education, I think it just helps to round out the culture. But the specific question is know how she's relating in the, in the classroom. There's a lot of worry right now that some of the online content boys are being exposed to is, is. Is tempting them to, you know, almost play with misogynist content. Right. I'm not some of them, I'm sure, mean it, but I think a lot of it is just transgressive and it's become a bit more acceptable. And you're kind of poking at the teacher. And I think female teachers are also, candidly, if the boys don't have a strong male role model in their lives and you've written and talked a lot about this, Scott. I always think the female teacher almost becomes another female figure to kind of reject, to act against, to contend with, to sort of just push away from psychologically. And I don't know why that would have gotten worse, but it could be because if these boys are not doing more of the in person relational stuff we talked about the risk then of using. It's almost like the. The teacher becomes the counter. They're kind of pushing against to define themselves almost against the femininity of the teacher. And I think given the sort of masculinity vertigo that a lot of John Della Volpe's phrase are feeling online, I think that might well be something. I think it could be part of just this uncertainty and that she's getting a bit of the sharp end of that.

[Scott Galloway]

I just can't imagine how challenging it is for teachers right now because especially with boys. And I think part of the problem around why boys have made become more difficult to manage. As I see what's happening with my. One of my kids is more prone to, I think, device addiction than the other. And you can just see their brain being rewired such that if they don't have a dopa bag on demand following them around that they can squeeze and get a dopa hit right away. They become so difficult. And so they'll start, you know, they want. How do you get dopa action reaction? I click a button, something happens in a video game, I swipe right, something happens and I get dopa. They're sitting in a class or just sitting at dinner. I occasionally notice with my. One of my sons, he would rather say something inappropriate, lash out, be unreasonable, just to get that dope, just to get a reaction. Because he's gotten action, reaction, action, reaction, action, reaction for so long that if it's just okay, take a break and eat your dinner or do your homework, it becomes almost impossible to break the cycle, even if that. To an inspired reaction. The action is difficult. I can't imagine what it's like trying to get a kid, especially a boy, to sit still for 60 or 80 minutes and recite French verbs. I just. I gotta think it's just an enormous challenge, but I can't think of a hack for a female teacher to better relate to her boys. And I just don't. I think that's a really tough one. I don't.

[Richard Reeves]

I sort of feel like in a way what's happening is she's. She's sort of paying the price for a lot of other failures to. For the boy to get enough sleep for him to have strong male role models around him, to have had breakfast, to be exercised. There's a couple of schools now just reading a story about this where they just bring in the kids in earlier and they're just running them around before they even start school. And they're reporting much better results for the boys. It was a really interesting study too, that when they just started secondary schools later, you know how absurdly early secondary schools start. And I know that's not the specific age group here. It helped the boys more than the girls. And so it's bad for all teenagers to be starting school so early with so little sleep, without sleep, without food, wrong circadian rhythms. And so my sense is that there's just a lot going on in those boys lives around those basic needs of sleep, mentoring and food. And unfortunately teachers, and probably female teachers are bearing the of our collective failure to just provide a more boy friendly environment.

[Scott Galloway]

All right, we'll be right back after a quick break.

[Sponsor/Producer Voice]

Support for the show comes from Train Dreams, the new film from Netflix. Train Dreams is a film that stays with you. It's about a man standing alone against the backdrop of a changing America. What makes it powerful isn't the scale.

[Scott Galloway]

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[Scott Galloway]

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[Scott Galloway]

Welcome back onto our final question from RVASCO3. My son is two months old. I want to raise him to be a good man and model positive masculinity as much as possible. And as someone who was born and raised in blue collar Ohio, but went to college and lived in major cities, that helped broaden my worldview. I find it incredible how wide the scope of the term masculinity can be. Given the extremes of this conversation, how have you been able to best navigate the entrenched, oftentimes narrow minded ways in which people define the concept of masculinity?

[Richard Reeves]

Richard well, here I think I'm probably going to be copying a lot of what you've said, Scott, but I think that firstly it's show, don't tell. I think it's less about talking about what it means to be a man and more about showing what it means to be a man. And the mere fact that that your questioners are already thinking about that suggests to me that they're probably going to be okay. And the danger is they'll overthink it. There's that great meme which is like excuse me for a moment while I go away and overthink this. There's a danger that you overthink this and you're sort of so worried about masculinity and the role modeling and stuff that you kind of lose touch with just your own instincts and sounds like an awesome dad probably going to do an awesome job not by telling his son how to be a man, but by showing it. And what are you showing? You're showing this is really just your riff, which is that you're serving others, you're protecting and providing for the tribe, for the community in one way or another. And I'll just give you an Anecdote of massive paternal pride for me. I mean, I never talk to my sons about masculinity or what it meant to be a man. There was literally never a discussion more so recently because of the work. But one of the things I always used to do is if someone got onto a train carriage or a bus and needed a seat more than someone who was. The young men who were sitting down is I would say to the young men, hey, guys, who's gonna give up the seat? Right? I'd just gently shame them into it. And always one of them would get up and my sons would be mortified. They would be, dad, dad, that's so embarrassing. You gotta stop doing. So embarrassing, right? Just so embarrassed. And then a couple of years ago, I'm on a train with one of my sons. Someone gets on and needs a seat. There's a bunch of guys sitting down, and my son says to them, guys, who's gonna give up your seat?

[Scott Galloway]

However.

[Richard Reeves]

Just job done. And I said to him, I'm so embarrassed. Please don't do that. Stop doing that. But the point is, that's this flex, this sort of parenting flex. I'm gonna give myself that. But it's also like, they're embarrassed when I did it. It is a difficult thing to do, to publicly say, come on, guys, Someone like, come on, this is what it means to be a guy. You look around. You should be looking around for people who need you in some way or another, right? And just magically, over time, that particular message got through. I never told my sons they had to do that. I never did it. But they. They now do it. And so I think that's the. There's going to be a million versions of that where they will just watch what you do. They will see how you treat your partner, their mom. They will see how you treat people in the street. They'll see how you conduct yourself in life. And if you're a good dad, they are going to be good dudes.

[Scott Galloway]

Yeah, that's. That's hard to beat. You know, it's not what you say. It's what. It's what you do. One of the things I've tried. I've really tried to. And obviously, I'd like to think it comes naturally. I try to be really good to their mother in front of them, and that is I try to show them how much I really, like, adore their mother. And also, in a weird way, I'm not. I'm. I'm not weak. I'm not a doormat, but I Make it clear, like on a lot of stuff around the home. Mom's in charge and I defer to her a lot. And I don't have this weird sense of when she gets angry at me, I gotta get back in her face or something. I show her that I do think there's something to the fact that one of the best thing you can do for boys in terms of helping them establish healthy relationships with women later in life is just to be really good to their mom. And I do have this practice, it's a little bit more overt called what a man does. And I'll say to them, this is what a man does. And I say a man immediately when there are guests. We have a lot of friends who come stay at our place. A man immediately when he hears there's guests, runs out to their car, gets their luggage and puts it in their room. That's what a man does. A man never pours his own water first, right? Never. And so I'll literally look at them, but they start pouring their own drink of their water. I look at them and they know what it is. And they're like, look around. And then they pour other water. And I remember my mom doing the same thing for me with manners. I also, and I love your take on it and I've heard it. So I want to inspire this again. I tell my boys that when they're around a woman socially, a man always pays. And I've gotten some pushback. But my rationale for that, and I don't go into this with them, is that a woman's fertility window is shorter. There's a lot of research showing that men garner greater benefit from relationships than women. And the downside of sex, which oftentimes is the objective for a man in a social situation or a date is much greater for a woman. So the asymmetry of the value trade is there. There's a more benefit that could accrete to the man. Her time, quite frankly, biologically, from a propagation standpoint, is more valuable. And one way you demonstrate that valor and one way you show you're serious. And one way you recognize the asymmetry in the trade, or one simple way is to pay. Now, I'm not saying that works for everybody. Some people say whoever acts, whoever out, they should pay. There's a lot of people who will say, no, you split the check. And I'm going to stand by this. I think you should pay. Your thoughts on this, Richard?

[Richard Reeves]

My sons would agree with you on the first date. I think it also is partly because there's an expectation, I think this is a correct one, that probably the guy has made the move to ask the girl out. Hopefully you've seen the declining numbers around that. And then I think it's okay having asked you, then you should actually offer to pay. And actually, one of my sons does something really wise about this to me, and he's actually the one who's a teacher. And so he's well aware that some of the women he's dating may well be kind of more economically successful than he is, Although he works really hard. He coaches and summer school and everything, too. And he says it's actually, you're not signaling to them by paying, offering to pay, and then usually pay. You're not signaling, I've got more money than you. Don't you worry about money? Don't you worry your pretty head about the labor market. I'll be the breadwinner. What you're signaling is you have some economic resources and that you are willing to spend those economic resources on her. It does not mean superiority. It means service, and it means giving. And so that's a really kind of powerful distinction, I think. And the tough thing to say about this, Scott, is that some of these things may have significant symbolic value well after they still have significant material value. And there was this beautiful example from Barack Obama recently when he was on Michelle Obama's podcast. And I listened to it, and I immediately sent it to a friend of mine because she was always teasing me about this, which is, you always walk street side of a woman. That's one of the things my dad taught me and my mom taught me. Right.

[Scott Galloway]

You always splashback carriage. Right?

[Richard Reeves]

Splashback or. Exactly. So it's a. And for me, of course, it's just at this point, I just can't not do it. I just feel. I just feel uncomfortable not doing it. It's like a second. And these female friends will sometimes tease me, especially as older, she'll tease me about it sometimes saying, there are no carriages. You don't need to be there. But I just can't not do it. And it's a great example, but she also really appreciates it, and she appreciates the symbol of the thoughtfulness, even if the actual risk has gone away or is minimal. It's more about signal of an intent, and it's a signal that you're thinking about them and the people around you in a different way. And that is at the core of masculinity, done well.

[Scott Galloway]

Richard Reeves is the president of the American Institute for Boys and Men and author of the bestseller Of Boys and Men. His work explores inequality and the crisis facing young men today. Richard, as always, very much appreciate your good work and your generosity.

[Richard Reeves]

Likewise. I'm back at you and congrats again on all the work right now. Scott, you're killing it. Thanks brother.

[Sponsor/Producer Voice]

This episode was produced by Jennifer Sanchez.

[Scott Galloway]

Our assistant producer is Laura Geniere. Drew Burrows is our technical director.

[Sponsor/Producer Voice]

Thank you for listening to the ProPG.

[Scott Galloway]

Pod from ProPG Media.

[Sponsor/Producer Voice]

Support for the show comes from Train Dreams, a new film from Netflix. A man stands alone in the wilderness and watches the world move on without him. What makes Train Dreams so powerful isn't the tragedy. Instead, it's the quiet resilience and the reminder that you don't need to live a big life to live a meaningful one. It's not about conquest or control. It's about endurance, grace and decency in the face of change. Train Dreams now playing only on Netflix.

[Figma Sponsor Voice]

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[Adobe Express Sponsor Voice]

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