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- [00:01]
A
Hey, sweetie. Your mother showed me this Carvana thing for selling the car. I'm gonna give it a try. Wish me luck. Me again. I put in the license plate. It gave me an offer. Unbelievable. Okay, I accepted the offer. They're picking it up Tuesday from the driveway. I haven't even left my chair. It's done. The car is gone. I'm holding a check anyway. Carvana, give it a whirl. Love ya.
- [00:24]
B
So good you'll want to leave a voicemail about it. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pick up. Fees may apply.
- [00:33]
C
You're listening to this podcast, so I know you've got a curious mind. Here's a helpful fact you might not know yet. Drivers who switch and save with Progressive save over $900 on average. Pop over to progressive.com, answer some questions, and you'll get a quick quote with discounts that are easy to come by. In fact, 99% of their auto customers earn at least one discount. Visit progressive.com and see if you can enjoy a little cash back. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. National average 12 month savings of $946 by new customers surveyed who saved with Progressive between June 2024 and May 2025. Potential savings will vary.
- [01:54]
A
Good evening, Alice.
- [01:55]
B
Hello, Brett.
- [01:56]
A
How are you? The sun is set.
- [01:59]
B
It is dark.
- [02:00]
A
Sun has found its place in the western sky.
- [02:02]
B
It is dark, it is dark.
- [02:04]
A
And this is after that.
- [02:06]
B
So this is after that.
- [02:11]
A
What's up, Alice? How's it going?
- [02:14]
B
Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello.
- [02:15]
A
Hello. Hello.
- [02:16]
B
I just think about how, like, every children's book is like, the sun has set. Good night, sun. Good night, moon. Good night. All these things. And this is like, hello, after dark.
- [02:26]
A
There you go. There you go.
- [02:29]
B
Oh, my goodness.
- [02:31]
A
So. So it's tax season, Alice. I saw here.
- [02:34]
B
Can I. Can I brag?
- [02:36]
A
I'd love for you to brag.
- [02:37]
B
No one should follow my tax advice whatsoever. So I think I've told you this before. I have worked for the government for a very long time. Not anymore, but, like, for some reason, I'm like, audited. Every year I get letters. They have a love affair with me. They love me. I get letters from the IRS all the time, by the way. Never have I been wrong. They're always wrong. Right? It always ultimately ends up with, you're right, we're wrong. But last year, more than a year ago, in fact, I got a random charge. It was like, not that much money. It was like dozens of dollars. Right? So this is not like some huge bill, but I was like, huh, why do I owe you like $50? This is strange. And, and so it's not obvious because it was like, you owe $50 because of code 6432, one semicolon dash star. And I was like, huh. And I looked it up, by the way, of course, I went to. The tax code was not clear. And by the way, they had a typo as well. But I referenced it and I was like, okay, okay. So it's one of like 10 items. It was, it was a part of the tax code that was like, you are assessed a fee plus some percentage. And I did the math in my head and the percentage added up to this amount. And if. And it had like 10 different things and none of them applied to me except for maybe one. Basically, after way too much time, way too many attorney hours, my own attorney hours, I figured out that they assessed a penalty on me because one of my bank accounts. Let me scoot back. Okay. Essentially my bank account was closed because of fraud. And so they tried to withdraw from the bank account and then they assessed me a fee because it was a closed bank account. Okay. So in general, I understand if you try to give them, you know, a bounce check or something, that all makes sense. But the tax code is very draconian. So what happened was I am a responsible citizen and just like our podcast, I try to schedule all of my tax payments well in advance of when they're due. So if a due date is the 15th, I schedule it to withdraw from a bank account five days before. This is just my common practice. I'm way risk averse. So that's what I had done. And I had scheduled these a full year in advance. And there's all the paper trail to show it. Right? I scheduled these tax payments a year in advance in that year, like many of us, I was a victim of identity fraud. And they broke into, you know, stole all the things. And so my bank closed down my bank account so that they couldn't steal more money. And I was like, yeah, of course that happens, but this is a whole year ago. And so in that year, not, you know, all my other life went on. And then come five days before one of these like pre tax payments, it wasn't like your big tax payment of April 15th. This was like, I'm giving you money ahead of time. And it tried to withdraw five days early and it was a closed bank account. And then I got the notification and immediately on the same day, still five days before the deadline, I paid the tax and they still sent me this bill for $50. And I was like, oh, heck, no. Like, no, no, no. There's been no harm, no foul. Absolutely not. So I wrote this long that you have to fit it within a form. It's like form 5963 1. And you have to fit it within the form. And it's not editable, so I had to handwrite it. And I explained that I'm the exact kind of citizen that they don't want to be penalizing. And just so you know, our accountant was like, don't fight it. You'll never win. This is a waste of your time. And I was like, account it. Ye of little faith. I shall fight. Just for the record, he's totally right. It was not worth my time. This fight has gone on for 18 months. I was totally in the right. I was like, look, I am the citizen who scheduled a payment a year in advance, and I was the victim of identity fraud. And that was no fault of my own. That's why the account closed. And I got the notification. It's still paid five days in advance. Give me my nanny back. And they did it for 18 months. And then today.
- [06:39]
A
Wow.
- [06:40]
B
I got a check for $50.
- [06:42]
A
Wow.
- [06:42]
B
But no apology letter. And guess what? 18 months of my life. Oh, you want to know something funny?
- [06:48]
A
I would love to know something funny.
- [06:49]
B
Mr. Alice was like, about 12 months ago, he was like, I love your desire to fight everything, but this is giving me a stress ulcer. Can we please pay the $50?
- [07:05]
A
Like, never?
- [07:06]
B
And I said, fine, I will pay it, but I will not drop. So I paid it, and I sent a letter that said, I am not letting you off the hook. So I won, and they gave me my money back. And our accountant and my husband had no faith in me.
- [07:22]
A
They were just wrong is what they were.
- [07:25]
B
Oh. And no interest. So this is totally not worth my time.
- [07:28]
A
Hey, it's the principle that matters. The tax on tea was only a few cents, but that didn't stop us from dumping it.
- [07:35]
B
Exactly. You dumped that tea. And I'm not even gonna cash this in out of principle.
- [07:40]
A
I'm gonna frame it.
- [07:41]
B
I am in a frame. You should, because it's like, I think it costs more to print it on this really pretty paper than is the actual.
- [07:49]
A
They'll probably charge you a fee for not cash if you don't cash it. They sent to you.
- [07:55]
B
Wait.
- [07:56]
A
And then they'll tax you.
- [07:57]
B
Y'. All. Y'. All. They did give me interest on says interest. Oh, a dollar $0.94 $0.94. Because by law, just so you know, by law, they have to. If they erroneously take your money, they do have to. So I was about to, like, write another letter and be like, you owe me a $94. But I didn't.
- [08:16]
A
$1.94. Too bad it wasn't like a million dollars or something.
- [08:21]
B
I know, I know. But I'm really proud of myself.
- [08:23]
A
You could really.
- [08:24]
B
I'm really proud of myself because nobody believed in me, and I did it for justice. And by the way, just so you guys know, this was a beautiful piece of writing. I don't have it anymore because you have to send it in by paper copy. I wrote in there that it wasn't about the money, that they can keep their money if they want. But I knew that I couldn't stand here and face injustice because there are so many others where this money could be the difference between paying rent or their bills and not. And I'm standing up for everyone who is in the face of this draconian regulation that needs to be overturned, and. And that I was speaking up for everybody. I don't think they really cared. And I called them incessantly, too.
- [08:59]
A
I care. I care. I think you did the right thing. You did the right thing. You know, it's America's 250th anniversary. You're a patriot, basically, like one of the founders.
- [09:14]
B
I don't want to defame our founding
- [09:17]
A
fathers in the old North Church. That was you. So changing topic slightly, if that's okay with you. I know.
- [09:25]
B
Yeah. No, I'm. I'm. I'm like. I'm living on cloud nine right now.
- [09:29]
A
Speaking of taxpayer money, have you been paying attention to the moon thing? I know we talked about it when they did the launch.
- [09:36]
B
Why would I not pay attention to.
- [09:37]
A
It's been awesome. It's been really cool.
- [09:40]
B
Amazing. They saw the dark side of the
- [09:42]
A
moon, man, when they took the picture of the moon from the far side of the moon, because it's not actually dark.
- [09:48]
B
Sorry.
- [09:48]
A
So when they took the picture, and it was an eclipse from that side.
- [09:53]
B
I know.
- [09:54]
A
And you could see the planets. Oh, that was so cool.
- [09:57]
B
It was incredible. And, like, to hear their excitement to have gone farther than any other, you know, human has gone and to see something that no one's ever seen before, it's just. It's, like, amazing because they've trained their whole lives for this, but to hear the just, like, sheer excitement of it, I was like, cool. Because that's how I feel on Earth, watching you do it.
- [10:14]
A
Can't get the toilets to work. Toilets keep stopping.
- [10:16]
B
But, you know, the astronauts being trained as a plumber.
- [10:20]
A
That's true. I was watching that poop cruise documentary. Did you ever watch that one about the cruise that goes on?
- [10:26]
B
Have we not talked about this? How I was on the poop cruise? How have we not talked about this?
- [10:30]
A
No, you weren't.
- [10:32]
B
I was on the poop cruise.
- [10:34]
A
No, you weren't. The.
- [10:35]
B
The time.
- [10:36]
A
The one I made the documentary about.
- [10:37]
B
Listen for one second. I was on the poop cruise, and it broke down for two days at sea, and they were able to get us back to dock, and they turned around and used the same boat. And that is the poop cruise, but it is the boat I was on nearly three days earlier.
- [10:53]
A
Wow.
- [10:54]
B
And we couldn't be on the case because it was out of the port in the district that I was clerking because I had gone on it on a cle cruise with my judge. So we were all on the poop cruise, and we had jurisdiction over the case and could not do it because we were on the poop cruise.
- [11:09]
A
Wow.
- [11:09]
B
Have we not talked about this?
- [11:10]
A
No, we haven't talked about this.
- [11:12]
B
This is why I haven't been on a cruise since this is the reason. I think, in fact, we've even talked about. You're like, do you want to do a Disney cruise?
- [11:18]
A
You mentioned in passing, but I didn't realize it was like, I have not
- [11:23]
B
been on a cruise since that experience. So that one poop was running down the wall. So no joke. I mean, we were floating at sea for, like 24 hours, but we were delayed by two days. And it was horrible, but it did not reach the levels at which it did. But part of the reason it turned into such a lawsu. Because it happened on our.
- [11:41]
A
So they should have done our.
- [11:42]
B
Yeah, they knew. And by the way, while it was happening, we heard from the crew that it had happened to cruises earlier on the same.
- [11:50]
A
And in the documentary, they mentioned that. That there had been previous problems.
- [11:54]
B
I'm the previous. I am the previous. Everybody got sick on it because, I mean, there were no stabilizers or whatever. They had to conserve energy. And so, like, we had lights on because they still had, like, enough energy, but they didn't know how long this was gonna last. The reason the poop cruise was so bad is they were out there for so long, so they would turn on the lights and then they turn them off to conserve energy. We had food, but it wasn't like an all you can eat buffet. Cause it was like, we might be out here for a day, we might be out here for a week. We don't know. And so it was, like, a little intense at the time. And we couldn't use the bathrooms. Similar situation. I mean, we could use them at certain times. It was horrible. And I was in a room with, like, three other girls, so there were four of us in the room, and we were just, like, swaying.
- [12:35]
A
Wow.
- [12:36]
B
At sea.
- [12:37]
A
If you just gone a week later, you could have been on the documentary.
- [12:39]
B
No, no, I don't want to be on that documentary. But I have. How many years ago was that? 15 years. I have not been on a Cruise. Like, then.
- [12:47]
A
2012. 2011.
- [12:48]
B
2012. You know, I graduated in 2012. I clerked 2012 to 2013.
- [12:52]
A
Wow.
- [12:53]
B
I was on the poop cruise. That's the actual poop cruise. That's pre poop cruise.
- [12:59]
A
Pre poop. You're on the actual. You're on the poop boat. You're on the poop deck.
- [13:04]
B
So I haven't actually watched that documentary because it's like, too, too much. I should send you a picture from that cruise. Carnival Cruise.
- [13:11]
A
I want to say it. Yeah, it was Carnival. Yeah.
- [13:13]
B
Carnival Cruise, man.
- [13:15]
A
Wow.
- [13:15]
B
No, I didn't get my money back.
- [13:17]
A
Seriously.
- [13:17]
B
They called it an extra vacation.
- [13:20]
A
Wow. They're like, you should pay us for that extra day that you got.
- [13:23]
B
That just shows you how much I knew at the time, because that was. It was my first year out of law school. I didn't know anything. I was like 25, and I was like, cool. I don't have anywhere to be.
- [13:33]
A
Wow. That's wild. I didn't expect that to go that way, but.
- [13:38]
B
Sorry. So you were going to talk about the poop cruise. Go for it.
- [13:40]
A
Well, I just. It reminded me of them being stuck on the spaceship without the. Because there's that guy. There's this guy on the documentary. It's like, he's like, I will not use the red bags. And his whole thing is, like, avoiding using the red bags the whole time. And it just made me think of him. But I didn't expect you would have actually been on the ship. So that works out.
- [13:58]
B
I ruined your story.
- [14:00]
A
No, it didn't ruin my story at all. You made it even better. You made it amazing, man.
- [14:03]
B
I like. I have, like, bumps on my arms from remembering how horrible that was. It smelled so bad. Like, people. I don't think I could have existed back in the days when everything was hot, there was no air conditioning, and no one had deodorant. Or showers because people just smelled bad, like, in general.
- [14:20]
A
Yeah, People start to stink pretty fast.
- [14:22]
B
People stink. We're all bad. And you know, the water on the ship is not potable, like, unless they clean it.
- [14:28]
A
Right.
- [14:29]
B
And there were all. There were all these people because it's a Carnival cruise. So there were a lot of like, you know, college students. They loved it because there weren't always lights. So they would just hang out on the deck in the pool for like, days. And I was like, I'm not getting in that pool.
- [14:44]
A
Wow.
- [14:45]
B
At all.
- [14:46]
A
That's crazy. That's just wild.
- [14:48]
B
Anyways, it was great. Well, it was really wonderful.
- [14:51]
A
There you go, Alice. That's quite the story.
- [14:54]
B
Sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to steal the show there, but that was brought back a lot of.
- [14:57]
A
It's going to become the defining part of this episode. I mean, as great as your beating the IRS is the fact that you were on the poop cruise is.
- [15:07]
B
I was on the poop cruise. Oh, so gross. And we read about it in real time because, you know, we got back to port and it was like three days later after we got back to port that the news broke and there. And everyone was following it because.
- [15:18]
A
Turn that boat around and send it out.
- [15:20]
B
Yeah, they literally just sent it back out. And that's part of the lawsuit.
- [15:24]
A
And then disaster struck and poop was
- [15:27]
B
raining down the wall.
- [15:28]
A
From the walls. Yeah. I mean, can you imagine, though? I guess you can't imagine. I can under that circumstance.
- [15:34]
B
It smells so bad.
- [15:35]
A
I mean, there's like thousands of people on a cruise ship. There's tons of people.
- [15:38]
B
Thousands of people. So I've. My kids have never been on a cruise. They will never go on a cruise. Certainly not with me. Like, they can go by themselves, but I'm not going with them.
- [15:47]
A
Went on a cruise. And it was great. I. I enjoyed it.
- [15:50]
B
I'm sure they're great in principle, but after that happened, I can't. I can't ever again. And you know what? Then I think back. So the only other time I've gone on a cruise was in college. It was like senior year, spring break or something like that. And my friend reminded me that we each paid something like $230 to go on a five day cruise. I'm like, no wonder it was terrible. I mean, we thought it was great, but I was like, how does that even cover, like, the fuel or the food? I don't want to know.
- [16:19]
A
I don't know.
- [16:19]
B
I want to know how they Cut the corners.
- [16:21]
A
They cut corners on everything else. Apparently.
- [16:23]
B
The booper. Anyways.
- [16:24]
A
Well, there you go. That was awesome. Thank you, Alice, for that story. I don't know how we're going to top that. So unless there was something else you want to talk about, I think we should just go ahead and sign up.
- [16:35]
B
Yeah, I'll talk about what I think.
- [16:36]
A
Okay. See what you can do. Let's do it. Did I.
- [16:41]
B
Did I already. Wait, did I already tell this story?
- [16:43]
A
I have no idea. There with you, Alice, there is no telling what is going to come out of your mouth. I mean, I'm surprised you were like, yeah, actually, you know, I went to space once.
- [16:53]
B
I saw the space is the last place I want to go. Really? That's terrifies me. I can't remember I told this story recently, but I don't think I told it to you. So if I've already told it, well, I'll just stop telling it. But okay. Have I told you how my oldest is just like, he is me. He's a scaredy cat. Like, he is afraid of everything. So this is part of the reason that we have never watched any movies. Like, everything is too scary for him. What are you drinking?
- [17:18]
A
It's Irish whiskey.
- [17:22]
B
Is it that hard talking to me? No, I just gotta take a shot of whiskey.
- [17:26]
A
I. I didn't bring any. I didn't bring anything to drink because I thought we're gonna do the end of Jade Beasley. And I wanted to be completely to do it. And then we didn't get to the end, so I was like, man, I should have brought myself a bourbon. But I didn't. So.
- [17:39]
C
But I've got.
- [17:40]
B
That's really funny. It's that bad that you have to drink from the bottle when I'm telling my story? No. Anyways, but everyone was sick this weekend and so I was like, you know what? Like I was the only one not sick. So I was taking care of everybody and it was like horrible. And I was like, okay, we had to turn on a movie because everyone was crying. It was horrible. And I was like, we're gonna turn on a movie. And I was like, what movie can I pick? That will not scare. Not the three year old, by the way, but the eight year old. Right? No, I mean really think about it. Like, this is an actual question.
- [18:09]
A
Hotel Transylvania.
- [18:11]
B
If you had to babysit my children. And let me just be clear, like Finding Nemo is scary and so are all of the old classic Disney movies because somebody dies. Bambi is scary.
- [18:22]
A
They're terrifying. The classic Disney movies are the worst.
- [18:25]
B
They are actually the worst. They're horrible.
- [18:27]
A
So scary.
- [18:28]
B
So, like, they're very. So I was like, I got the perfect one. Sound of Music, right? Because they actually have a field trip, and they're gonna go watch Sound of Music. This is perfect. We're gonna watch Sound of Music. It's three hours long. Mom gets a lot of time. So no one can be scared of Julie Andrews and Sound of Music. One of the best movies of all time, by the way. And so we're watching it, and, you know, everyone's enjoying it. It's great. Whatever. That night, 3am A child walks in my room. And by the way, like, we don't let kids in our room at night. Like, they have to be like, it's the end.
- [19:01]
A
So you watch the whole movie. No problems.
- [19:04]
B
No problems, right? Like, we watched it in the daytime. It was bright daytime. We go throughout the rest of our day. I put my sick kids to bed. 3am My oldest walks in the room, and he never walks in. Like, he's eight. You know, we're past, like, nightmare stage. And I was like, what is wrong? And he was like. When Liesel climbed through Maria's window. The very beginning. The very beginning, Right? This is Raindrops on Roses. It made me realize that a zombie could climb through my window, too. And he burst into tears. And I was like, zombies don't have
- [19:36]
A
that kind of dexterity.
- [19:37]
B
I'm not allowed to laugh at you right now. But, like, that is so ridiculous. And so I had to talk him through how a zombie can't climb. And that leasel climbing through a window doesn't say anything. And that he's gonna be perfectly fine in his second floor.
- [19:53]
A
She'd be more concerned about a murderer climb through his window. That's what she should have said. Why are you worried about zombies? It could be a murderer.
- [19:58]
B
Yeah. You're not gonna babysit my.
- [20:00]
A
Have you seen Halloween? I mean, come on.
- [20:02]
B
Yeah. It is actually horrifying. I know. There actually is some truth to what he said. Except not what he said. So anyways, now we can't even watch Sound of Music.
- [20:09]
A
Have you ever seen the Secret of Nim?
- [20:12]
B
Of course not.
- [20:13]
A
Oh, the Secret of Nim is like,
- [20:15]
B
no, that sounds terrible.
- [20:17]
A
I don't know what it's about, but so terrifying. So it's like Nim is like the National Institute of Mental Health or something. That may not actually be what it stands for, but it's the secret of the initials. And it's a movie about Mice and Rats. It's a cartoon. And these mice and rats were experimented on by this National Institute of Mental Health. And so they talk and they wear clothes and they have a society and like all this other stuff. But it's like, it's set in the regular world. So there's a farmer who's like plowing up the field and like the mice all have to move because they know he's going to destroy their homes. But it is so intense, it's awesome. I own it. I bought it on dvd. It is so good and so intense. And I watched it when I was like five. And you talk about a terrifying movie. I mean, there's this one part with like a block and mud and like, and they've got swords and they're like fighting. It's wild, but it's awesome. I need to watch it again. It's so good. I'm gonna show it to my kids.
- [21:21]
B
But watch that. When you were five, it was a cartoon.
- [21:24]
A
I didn't realize that it was like watershed down. It's like super intense cartoon. Amazing though. I mean, definitely one of the best cartoons ever made. But I would say one of the best movies ever made. It was just really awesome movie. A lot of heart because, you know, the rats are stronger than the mice, so the rats kind of run things. But the main character misses like Frisbee or something. Her husband was a really well respected mouse. And so the rats really respect her and try and help her because of. Not to give it away, but he had died at some point anyways. And there's cats and there's like. And it's all very realistic animation that they used to do back in the 80s. Really good. Really good.
- [22:09]
B
Yeah, that would be way too intense.
- [22:11]
A
Secret of Nim, if you haven't seen it, that's good. If you haven't seen it and you're not Alice, you should definitely watch it. And probably one of those movies that did make me like horror just because it was so, so intense. Yeah, really good.
- [22:27]
B
That's awesome.
- [22:29]
A
All right, well, I think that's all. Is that all we got? Do we have anything else?
- [22:34]
B
I just like to note that this After Dark took less time than us recording ads yesterday. I was thinking about how bad business people, people we are that the ads took half as much time as the episode.
- [22:49]
A
It's true, it's true. That really whole ad read should have been an After Dark. Let's be clear.
- [22:55]
B
I mean, let's just make it an
- [22:56]
A
after D. Yeah, I mean that was. It was.
- [23:00]
B
I I had a headache from laughing.
- [23:02]
A
It was so. It was hilarious.
- [23:04]
B
It was so.
- [23:05]
A
That has to end up on a blooper reel at some point because it was so good.
- [23:08]
B
It really does. It's just there was.
- [23:10]
A
You got to make sure the advertisers don't listen to it. So that's the one thing we'll lose. All our advertisers, they don't want that because we have one advertiser who's very conscientious and listens to every ad and sends us feedback.
- [23:23]
B
A lot of feedback.
- [23:24]
A
A lot of feedback. And that's kind of intimidating. But it was not one of the ones we talked about yesterday. I'll say that they would be disappointed in us.
- [23:33]
B
They would be disappointed.
- [23:36]
A
They're very sincere people. They're earnest. They're very earnest advertisers. So I appreciate them. And they gave us so much stuff, so I appreciate them.
- [23:46]
B
Exactly.
- [23:47]
A
But anyways. All right. Well, this has been awesome, Alice, as always. Hey, if there's any random things you want us to talk about, we love doing these after darks. This started because of April Fools last year. And you know, now you go, we're still here. Still doing it. Because I'm Brett and I'm Alice and nothing good. It happens after Dark.
- [24:55]
C
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- [25:40]
B
Visit your nearby Lowe's.
- [25:49]
C
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- [26:23]
A
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