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- [00:00]
A
Sam.
- [00:48]
B
This cheese is getting to me.
- [00:50]
A
Jeez, man. Jeez.
- [00:51]
B
Cheese. Okay, yeah, let's talk about if I'm a psychopath.
- [00:55]
A
You have to always. Whenever you get your podcast.
- [00:57]
B
I know.
- [00:58]
A
Why are you a psychopath?
- [00:59]
B
Okay, so some people were like, did you just buy your string cheese?
- [01:02]
A
Okay, whatever. That's the way you eat it. Come on, we don't have time.
- [01:05]
B
Let me. Let me talk about this. Stop cutting me off.
- [01:07]
A
All right, Are we stopping this being recorded?
- [01:12]
B
Oh, this is After Dark.
- [01:13]
A
Are you kidding?
- [01:14]
B
That's why I went and got a snack, because I'm hungry. I'm glad. So string cheese is called string cheese because a lot of people like breaking bourbon. String. Right. Break into the bourbon. I get it. I get why you would eat cheese that way. I ate cheese like that when I was young and living without abandon. Then I had kids. And one of my greatest fears is worms. You know how you get worms? Touching nasty things. You know who touch nasty things? Kids and putting things in your mouth. Now, I try to never touch things with my hands that I have to eat, which is why I'm holding my string cheese like a banana peel with the packaging, holding my cheese, and I bite into it as if eating a carrot because I don't want to touch it. Because now that I have kids, I know how gross kids are and how gross my house probably is. And that's why I eat string cheese like a psychopath.
- [02:07]
A
Freedom means eating your stick cheese however you want. So we don't call it string cheese in this house. Everybody eats it like a stick. Stick cheese.
- [02:18]
B
So stick cheese. So. And if you have misophonia and you don't like hearing me talk with food in my mouth, I'm sorry.
- [02:25]
A
Yeah, there's. People with misophonia. Need to get over it. Why are you listening to podcasts if you have a problem with that?
- [02:30]
B
Also, I think misophonia is one of those things that have, like, people learn the word and they're like, I love this word. I have misophonia. Not to say some people don't really have it, but all of you giving me one star reviews, I don't think.
- [02:42]
A
I just feel like.
- [02:43]
B
I think you just don't like my voice.
- [02:45]
A
If that. If you got that, I get it. That's. That's a problem for you, and that's.
- [02:49]
B
But you shouldn't listen to things.
- [02:50]
A
I have. You have my empathy. But why are you criticizing me? Because you have this issue that is being exacerbated by our podcast. I'm sorry. Is that my fault? Like, what am I supposed to do? Like, I can't help it. I talk the way I talk.
- [03:06]
B
Like, I mean. No, no, I agree with you. Misophonia, 100%. It is a real diagnosis. But I think it's one of those things that the more people learned about people who don't have it. And here's why I know you don't have it. Because you wouldn't listen to so many podcasts, because it's like, walk. It's like being someone who wants to stay away from, I don't know, tobacco and walk into a cigar bar. Like, why would you go?
- [03:29]
A
Like, it reminds me. Y' all remember those magic eye things? It was like. It's, like, all fuzzy, and if you look at it right way, like, an image pops out.
- [03:37]
B
Yes.
- [03:38]
A
Well, you know what sucks? If you only have vision in one eye, you can't see it.
- [03:44]
B
You can't, because you don't have to.
- [03:45]
A
Have vision in both eyes. And that sucks for you if that's a problem that you have. But you don't get to complain about the Magic Guy. Like, you don't get to say, like, man, this match.
- [03:55]
B
The Magic Guy is not broken. You're broken.
- [03:57]
A
Exactly. The Magic Guy. It's not like, man, these magic eye people, I can't believe they're doing this one star review. I can't see this because I can only see out of one eye. Nobody would do that, right? Because they get it. It's like, yeah, this sucks, man. I wish I could enjoy this, but I get it. You know, I don't have something when I. And I feel it's the same way with the. With these people who are like, I don't like the way you sound when you talk. And I have this thing where I pay attention to that more than normal. And it's like, okay, well, I'm sorry, but I can't do anything. I can no more. I can no more change the way I talk than you can change the way you hear. So maybe we just both agree to go our own separate ways. How about that? Agreed. Can we do that?
- [04:36]
B
Agreed. Agreed with that. No, no. Completely. Completely agree with that.
- [04:41]
A
And women. And I keep saying me, but nobody criticizes me. It's always Alice, because Alice is a woman.
- [04:46]
B
People really do only criticize me. Let's be honest. Like, the criticisms for me are never.
- [04:51]
A
It's because of, like, various other things that people decide. But not for Alice.
- [04:55]
B
Not. Not for me. I think my favorite voice and her religion. I thought we were in the 21st century, Catholics are the only people you.
- [05:03]
A
Can still, like, talk about their religion. It's like, okay, like, you just run Catholics down. It's fine. Well, she's a Catholic, so therefore we don't like her.
- [05:10]
B
She's a Catholic. Really?
- [05:11]
A
It was like, I mean, are we voting for JFK or something? Like, where. What year is it? Is it 1960? Because I'm confused.
- [05:18]
B
But anyways, so the beauty of the this world of reviews is out. I now. There are now four outlets for people to one star review me. And there will be reviews that are clearly copied and pasted because they're the exact same words and they're the. They like, might change their username, but it's the same like, I hate Alice. One star review across our four platforms. And I'm like, do you really hate me? Because that took some time to pull up four podcasts and leave four reviews there. Why are you thinking about me so much? The people who really want to do that, I want to like, I don't know, give them a hug or give them a stick of cheese, but I'm like, why did you pull up four podcasts? Because you know what? Most people in my life don't even know I have four podcasts. But you hate me so much that you do.
- [06:04]
A
Yeah, exactly.
- [06:06]
B
Like, my mom doesn't even know I have four podcasts.
- [06:08]
A
I don't even listen to Alice's other.
- [06:10]
B
Podcast, but I don't even listen to them. You know, once in a while I pull up a one star review and I'm like, oh, this person really hates me.
- [06:18]
A
Yeah, what are you gonna do?
- [06:21]
B
Anyways, so. So that is. That is what it is. Okay, so ye. Let's see what was yesterday?
- [06:29]
A
Tuesday. Tuesday we recorded a. A documentary for five hours and my shoulder is paying for it. Okay, we can't tell you the details.
- [06:42]
B
We can't tell you the details. What are you massaging it with, a gavel?
- [06:46]
A
No, it's my.
- [06:47]
B
A drumstick.
- [06:48]
A
That was my eldritch cane.
- [06:52]
B
Look at that. I too have a cane. It's not mine. It's my great grandfather in law. Is that right?
- [07:01]
A
Sure.
- [07:01]
B
My husband's grandfather. There we go.
- [07:04]
A
There you go. That works better.
- [07:05]
B
So much easier. Much, much easier. Okay, but. So where we recorded was 100 haunted. I thought about it because I took some pictures and I was like afraid to look at them because I was like, there's gonna be a ghost in the background. But you have dead eyes. So I was safe because scared away.
- [07:20]
A
All the ghosts scare Away all the ghosts.
- [07:21]
B
But the great thing is like, okay, so this has happened now. We've shot a couple things now in person and I think it's because maybe they're afraid to touch me. But like everything we've recorded, the guys are all over you, like sticking their hands up your shirt and like trying to straighten your collar. And no one touches me. And I'm like, there's no way that I don't have hair out of place. There's no way that this microphone isn't like weirdly place on my shirt. But like no one will touch me. But they're just like all over Brett, like licking their hands, trying to get his hair to stay down.
- [07:55]
A
You know what's weird about documentaries? So we did this documentary and who knows, we may not end up. We really might not be like, this is terrible. But it's a three part documentary somebody's doing on something I'm not going to mention because we're not supposed to, but so. And we recorded for five hours and we were there for forever, right? So there's possibility we're in a party.
- [08:19]
B
When we say five hours. They gave us a five minute, count it, five minute pee break. That was it. It was not six minutes, it was five minutes.
- [08:28]
A
Got there at 11. I was, by the time we finished, I was starved to death.
- [08:33]
B
Like yeah, of course I didn't eat because we had to drive there. So I left the house before 10. So I was like, I barely ate breakfast. I had like a coffee on the way. So I was like real jittery. But I had a door and was.
- [08:44]
A
Like not working at all. But anyways, here's what's interesting about it. So you might think, you might think out there that when do a documentary there are some people who like there's wardrobe, maybe there's like makeup making us so shiny, you know, do your hair. None of that happens. Didn't happen on 2020. Didn't happen on this. It's like you just show up and they're like, well you look terrible. But I guess that's what we're going to do.
- [09:09]
B
Actually thought about that because like we did not look good. I woke up at 1:00am with my baby. You were up with your baby, right? Like objectively, the two of us looked rough and they didn't say anything. They were just like, start rolling. Both of us were like, dude, I showed up in a tank top. Like I wasn't dressed, I was like half dressed because it was hot. I had to drive a long way. So I Was like, literally in a tank top. And I showed up, and they were like, all right, let's start filming. I was like, I mean, can I put on a shirt? If you want to. And I was like, I would like to put on a shirt.
- [09:43]
A
What do you want? I was like, okay.
- [09:44]
B
Yeah. So they definitely don't care about hair and makeup, but objectively, I looked terrible.
- [09:49]
A
And then we have to do the B roll, like, recording, but not really recording.
- [09:54]
B
But then they wouldn't tell us. They're like, well, should we talk? And they're like, I don't know. We're gonna start.
- [09:58]
A
There's no direction.
- [09:59]
B
No. Zero direction.
- [10:01]
A
They're just like, yeah, it was wild.
- [10:04]
B
They were very nice. It was funny because I was like, what's happening? I want to go back to that place that they rented because it's beautiful.
- [10:13]
A
It was literally like, they called us on, like, Friday or. They didn't even call.
- [10:17]
B
Didn't give us snacks.
- [10:18]
A
They emailed us. Did we talk to him at all? Yeah, we did. We talked to him on the phone. So they emailed us.
- [10:23]
B
We didn't talk to him on the phone. People who. We've talked to the. The casting person, which is different now that I'm learning, than, like, people who actually produce it.
- [10:32]
A
Yeah. And they were like, well, we want to do it in the next couple weeks. And we're like, okay. Well, they came back like, how about Tuesday?
- [10:41]
B
How about in 48 hours?
- [10:43]
A
And they wanted to fly us to New York, but we are old and tired. Yeah. I would have taken them up on that, but instead they came to us, so it worked out.
- [10:56]
B
Exactly.
- [10:57]
A
We'll see if we actually did anything decent. Alice was brilliant, as always.
- [11:01]
B
That's. Shut the door. I'm not. You know, that's not even true. I, like, could. You know what was sad about it? So I was listening to one of our episodes on the way up there, and this is how warped my timeline is right now and how incoherent I am. It's really too bad we're doing such an important case. West Memphis three, when I have zero brain cells left.
- [11:22]
A
Same.
- [11:22]
B
So I was listening.
- [11:23]
C
I was, yeah, good thing.
- [11:24]
A
The outline's good.
- [11:26]
B
I know. I was listening to this episode, and, like, I had just. I just clicked on something because I was driving. I was trying to be safe, so I just clicked on one, and it was. Just started going. And I was like, wow, I sound so coherent. Like, I don't recognize who's talking on this. And I was like, maybe this is a couple of years ago. And then I was like, huh? Oh, I just mentioned that I just got home from the hospital. Oh, maybe this is after I had Bretney. This is two years ago. Like, I don't remember any of the words that were coming out of my mouth. And then I was so many still in the nicu and I was like, this was like, five months ago. And I remember none of it. Like, I don't remember recording this episode. I don't remember that I recorded after coming back from the hospital and still had a baby in the hospital. And I was like, did this really happen? Like, have I just blacked out the last six months of my life? Because I don't remember anything from it?
- [12:15]
A
Pretty much.
- [12:16]
B
So anyways. And I'm more tired now than I was Right. After having a baby, for sure. I think a lot of people can commiserate with this. It is actually way harder to be like, six months out and have six months worth of sleep deprivation.
- [12:30]
A
Well, like, I was listening to our West Memphis three episode that we recorded the. The night I got back from the hospital.
- [12:36]
B
I can't believe. From the hospital that night.
- [12:37]
A
But. But the thing was, I was fine.
- [12:39]
B
You were.
- [12:40]
A
I was like. I was.
- [12:41]
B
I was hyped. Because you had only had one sleepless night.
- [12:44]
A
Exactly, Exactly.
- [12:45]
B
There you go. You now have two months worth of sleepless nights. Then you had, like, one amped up adrenaline night. I have had six months of not sleeping, and the words coming out of my mouth mean nothing. And I will promise you I will not remember this conversation.
- [13:01]
A
Like, the briefs I've been writing lately, they're either brilliant or they're terrible because they're very short. I'm just like, I don't have time for this.
- [13:08]
B
I actually went back, I was proofreading something I wrote last week, and I was like, what? Bozo wrote these incoherent. Oh, I was the bozo. I'm the bozo who wrote that.
- [13:19]
A
Yeah.
- [13:20]
B
It's just the reality. It is what it is. You know, at some point, we are so unprofessional about all this. We should, like. I should, like, remember which shows that we've, like, consulted on, like, the Hallmark movies. I can't even remember that show. What is that? What was that called? Like, the actual name.
- [13:38]
A
A Hallmark movie. Oh, oh, with Alice.
- [13:41]
B
Like, what was the name of the. Yeah, what was the actual name of the movie?
- [13:45]
A
Like, I can't even remember some of the banking ones. The one that we're listed as producers. Yeah, but it's Baker. She's A baker.
- [13:52]
B
Hannah Swenson.
- [13:54]
A
Hannah Swenson. Mystery.
- [13:55]
B
Yeah, I know, but there's, like, a name of that. Anyways, my point. My point being when people are like, what people think, I lie about what I do because I'm like, I. I get that all the time. Remember? I got nothing. I don't remember anything. And that's. That's quite. Quite a cane.
- [14:13]
A
Isn't it awesome, though? Yeah, I got it when I went to Salem for the Witch's Ball.
- [14:17]
B
Is that what you got there?
- [14:19]
A
I got it. No, I bought it for that, and it's awesome. It's a great cane.
- [14:22]
B
I mean, were you able to bring it on the plane or was it a weapon?
- [14:26]
A
I was able to bring it on the plane because you can bring it. What's funny is, when I got to the Witch's Ball, they wouldn't let me take it inside because they're like, you kill somebody with that. And I was like, no, you're right. You. Absolutely.
- [14:37]
B
But I could take it on an airplane.
- [14:38]
A
I could take it on an airplane. The best part about it. So we get to Atlanta. This is where we're flying out of. We're flying up to Boston, and I have my cane because I had to carry it because I didn't pack this any. And I had just carry it with me. And at the time, we had no money, so we parked, like, in the boonies, right? Like, now we. We spend the extra money for, like, the whatever, right? We didn't have any money, so we parked in the boonies. It's this massive, long walk, and I got my cane, but there's a guy driving around, and he sees me with the cane, and I guess he thought, like, oh, I should pick that guy up. And so he's like, hey, y' all need a ride? And I'm like, do I feel guilty for this now? Yeah, we need a ride. And so we took the ride, and he took us all the way. And then I felt like. I felt like as I got out, I needed to be like, oh, yeah, I really need my cane. Because I wanted. Didn't want the guy to think, like, okay, you know, condom or anything.
- [15:33]
B
So, like. So, like, similar to that. And this will maybe, you know, we'll just talk. Talking. Who cares? I'm not going to remember this conversation. I already talked about, like, you know, circumcision of my child. So we're already. We're already way, way too TMI here. So. You know, ladies, if you've ever been postpartum, it kind of sucks. In the sense that you still look pregnant for a while, or people mistake you for being pregnant for a long time. And I've definitely taken advantage of that. Because someone will be like, oh, do you want the seat? Because they think I'm pregnant and I'm postpartum. And I'm like, I'll take it. Like, sure, I'll have that extra slice of cheese. Because you think I'm pregnant. Sure. I'm not gonna correct you. Cause it's gonna make you feel terrible. And you know what? I've accepted this lot in life. This is where I'm at right now.
- [16:21]
A
You gotta take these things when they're offered to you, right?
- [16:24]
B
You got. You gotta take it when you get it. So anyways, if anyone's feeling, you know, that's where you are in life. It's okay. I'm right there with you. I will take the extra piece of piece.
- [16:37]
A
Yeah, we're a mess, basically, because you.
- [16:39]
B
Feel sad for me.
- [16:42]
A
They wanted to film the documentary in our studio, and we were like, I.
- [16:46]
B
Don'T think your film crew's gonna fit in my closet.
- [16:48]
A
Yeah, we have a closet. I have kind of an upstairs room.
- [16:52]
B
I wondered if they were like, we've made a terrible mistake. Cause we didn't know how professional they were until we showed up. And then I was like, wow. Y' all are like, profesh. We're not. So.
- [17:07]
A
You got all my. They wanted us to bring the computer. And my computer's covered with stickers. And the kids. Kids get stickers on the back computer. They're like, is this your toddler power computer? I was like, yeah, that's me.
- [17:20]
B
I'm proud of it. I'm proud of it. I know I. I showed up and I was like, I really did look a child. Because I knew I had to carry all these things, you know? And, like, I'm all about functionality. So I had, like, a big backpack, But I don't have nor normal backpacks that are chic, because I'm in the life that I'm in right now. I had, like, a baseball, like, T ball backpack, because it can zip correctly with, like, to fit the microphones. So I come in with, like, a T ball backpack and a pediatrician canvas bag filled with my clothes that I just stuffed in there because I'm wearing no clothes when I arrive. And they were like, are you. Are you here to be interviewed? Like, that's me. That's me. Don't you worry about it.
- [18:06]
A
Do we need to call the police? Do we need to call the police. Police.
- [18:10]
B
That's right. That's right. So I'm solo parenting right now, as I not infrequently am. But the hard part is Brittany has been waking up at 5am Maybe a touch earlier. Oh, I. I don't like the early morning. I can stay up till 5am I hate waking up at 5am like, if I stayed up till 5am, I feel great.
- [18:35]
A
But if I'm with you 100 terrible. Once I go to sleep, I want to sleep.
- [18:40]
B
Exactly. I want to forever. But I can stay up forever.
- [18:43]
A
I really like the night time. I just like to be a child of the night.
- [18:47]
B
I've always loved the night. And apparently this is like. Like people really are night owls. And like, of course you can train yourself to some extent, but I've always been a night owl since I was. Unfortunately, my second child seems to be the night owl as well. But, like, my brain is sharper. You guys may not realize that by hearing me talk, but, like, I can focus better. I can write better. I can even before I had kids, because now it's. Because it's actually quiet. But in college, I wrote all my papers after 11pm I did pretty well. Now, if you tried to make me write a paper at 6am, horrid.
- [19:22]
A
So there's sort of a psychological phenomenon that people have talked about that happened to adults who have kids and responsibilities. And that's like you're trying to steal back your time at night. And I'm very much that. Like, I want to be able to record a podcast, read about mysteries, watch YouTube channels or whatever. Can't really do that when the kids are around. So, like, once they go to sleep, like, that's what I'm doing. I'm like, stealing that time back and.
- [19:50]
B
Biting the next day honestly makes me feel like I've accomplished. Like, you're right. Even if I could go to bed, I want to fit in one productive thing because it's like, it's so hard to get productive things done during the day, both at work, because things are happening and popping up all the time at work as well as because of kids, that if I can just do one thing, like, I don't know, clear out my inbox, record a podcast, do ads or something like that. Then I'm like, well, today wasn't a total waste. And then I have to catch up on, like, the world news at night. I'm always 24 hours behind the news. Oh, while you're here, can you send me a verification code?
- [20:27]
A
What are you trying to do you trying to, like, steal our money or something?
- [20:30]
B
No, it just keeps logging me out because I don't press, remember? I know, but we keep missing each other. I've actually only logged on one time, so. Ooh, guess what I made tonight. Guys, hold on, let me have to type this in. I made a vegetable. A chickpea curry. Wait, I can't spell. Okay, it's about to send. Oh, wait, no, I spelled it wrong. Sorry. A vegetable curry. Chickpea curry, specifically. And it was so good. I was very proud of myself. And all the kids ate it, which is amazing. Okay, the code you sent. Yes. Revenge bedtime procrastination. And I do doom scroll. I tried really hard not to doom scroll, and then I decided it's like. It gives me so much joy, so I'm just gonna do it.
- [21:18]
A
My wife points out that it's John Elizabeth. I think I called it John Emerald.
- [21:21]
B
Did you send it to me yet?
- [21:23]
A
Not yet.
- [21:24]
B
Oh, okay.
- [21:27]
A
No, it's John Emerald. It's John Emerald Distilling Company with Elizabeth Vodka. So that's why it's confusing. Okay, I just got it. Let me go ahead. All right, well, this has been a joy.
- [21:42]
B
As always, this has been a joy. Did you send it to me? I'm gonna go eat another stick of cheese like a. Like a psychopath. And I never thought about that until y' all pointed it out. I agree with you. I used to eat it like a normal person. And then, I don't know. Parenthood broke me because it showed me all the disgusting diseases you can get.
- [21:59]
A
Parenthood broke you.
- [22:02]
B
It broke me in lots of ways. Yeah, in a good way. It's not bad. It's just. I'm in the thick of it. You are too. Thank you.
- [22:11]
A
My wife sending me pictures of my little girls. They look.
- [22:14]
B
Are they awake?
- [22:14]
A
Remarkably the same. No, it's like pictures of them as babies and how Genetics is wild.
- [22:22]
B
Man, my kids are. They look so much alike and so much not alike at the same time.
- [22:30]
A
Yeah. Okay, well, everybody wake up early tomorrow for more Karen Reed. Right.
- [22:39]
B
Okay. What time is tomorrow? Karen Reed.
- [22:43]
A
No, he starts today.
- [22:44]
B
I just.
- [22:44]
A
Eight o'.
- [22:45]
B
Clock. Every morning I just forget because I've been. I have a hearing.
- [22:50]
A
I'm tired of this.
- [22:51]
B
It'll be done by. Man, it's so long.
- [22:56]
A
Ah, well, I'll be open in like five hours. Okay. All right, well, I'm gonna stop recording it. Sa volcanoes. You'll even find a French fr. Now just turn around and see if you won't find a hamburger patch as you have order the McDonaldland meal today and get the Mount McDonaldland shake with your very own character souvenir kit.
- [24:24]
C
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