Prosecutors After Dark: Size Does Matter

Summary

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Podcast Summary: The Prosecutors After Dark – "Size Does Matter"

Podcast: The Prosecutors
Hosts: Alice & Brett
Release Date: March 25, 2026
Episode: "Prosecutors After Dark: Size Does Matter"

Episode Overview

This After Dark special takes a playful detour from The Prosecutors’ usual true crime fare. Alice and Brett focus on the Winter Olympics—with particular emphasis on quirky sports, national rivalries, and a notorious Olympic controversy dubbed "Penis Gate." The episode unfolds as an unscripted, banter-filled conversation brimming with curiosity, humor, and several deep dives into Olympic oddities. Both hosts bring their signature mix of legal rigor and irreverent fun, creating a lively hour that will amuse both true crime and Olympic fans alike.

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Key Topics & Highlights

1. Cold Weather & Local Landmarks

• Quick exchange about wild weather swings and Birmingham's Sloss Furnaces, segueing into discussion about the Vulcan statue.
• Notable Moment (03:34):

  “It's the largest cast iron statue in the world. Vulcan.” – Brett

• Tone: Playful, regional pride mixed with self-deprecation about local quirks.

2. Winter Olympics Fandom

• Both hosts express their passion for the Winter Games, noting their appeal during dreary post-holiday months.
• Alice (04:27): “They're all so good… I learn the sports anew every four years.”
• Brett (04:51): “The Winter Olympics are awesome… I love them.”

3. Olympic Sports Dissection

• Curling as the "Everyman" Olympic Sport (05:15):
  • Alice recounts becoming unexpectedly obsessed with curling despite never grasping the rules.
  • Alice (05:17): “Within like, I don't know, 45 minutes, I was so invested in curling… I don't understand the rules, but, boy, do I love this game.”
• Cheating in Curling (05:54):
  • Brett jokes about Canadian cheating in curling and contrasts it with more daring forms of Olympic “dedication.”

4. Deep Dive: 'Penis Gate' Olympic Scandal

• Timestamp: [06:51 – 16:38]
• Alice introduces "Penis Gate"—a viral story where certain ski jumpers reportedly injected hyaluronic acid into their genitals to exploit the rules for suit fitting, gaining extra aerodynamic lift.
• The hosts analyze both the science and social absurdity of the method, blending skepticism and awe.
• Notable Quotes:
  • Brett (06:27): “If you were one of the guys injecting stuff into your penis so that you could fly further in the ski jump…that dedication, I can appreciate.”
  • Alice (11:15): “We're talking meters. We're not talking, like, centimeters… that's why it's such a gate, because it's really big.”
  • Alice’s Montessori Joke Explained (10:24–12:09):
    She likens the scandal’s inventive bro-logic to the Montessori method of child-led discovery—“They discovered Newtonian physics for themselves without a textbook. That’s the Montessori method. These guys…figured out both biology and physics by being bros, sitting around looking at their wee wees, thinking about how they could get a couple meters higher.”
• Brett recaps the mechanics: the suit’s fit could be gamed to increase lift, and the effects translated centimeters of added “volume” to actual meters in jump distance.
• They speculate on the risks, possible numbness, and whether non-cheaters were even mad (“This is the only kind of cheating I think the people who are not cheating probably aren't mad about it”—Alice, 13:10).
• Memorable Banter (15:00):
  • Brett: “These suits are skin tight. So if you have more skin, there’s more suit…it's meters of distance, which is a massive amount in the ski jump. So it's a huge difference.”
  • Alice: “It really is a huge difference, which is why I think they were found out because they were too good at what they did.”

5. Wild Olympic Sports, Dangers, & National Dominance

• Dangerous Disciplines (18:22):
  • They marvel at the recklessness of skeleton, ski jump, bobsled, and how some athletes survive seeming calamities.
  • Alice (21:13): “If you've ever been on like a water slide and you're too heavy or too light… That was him the whole time because his sled was like three times too light.”
• Origins of Weird Olympic Events (21:47):
  • Brett traces marathons, javelins, and biathlons to historical roots but is baffled by skeleton and luge:
    “Some poor dude on the bottom with another dude laying on top of him…That’s what we have to do for the sport we know.”

6. National Olympic Stereotypes

• Who Wins What? (25:27):
  • Germans always win the luge relay.
  • Norwegians dominate pre-1992 sports.
  • South Koreans and Americans excel in newer disciplines like snowboarding.
  • Dutch only win at speed skating.
  • “Norway has never won a medal in a Sport introduced after 1992.” – Brett (26:46)

7. Olympic Lore, Losses, and Live Experiences

• Alice shares her Atlanta ’96 Olympic memories.
• They discuss the economic folly of most Olympic host cities and the wisdom of reusing existing facilities (25:18).
• Aspirational talk of attending the 2034 Salt Lake City Winter Olympics.

8. World Games & Weird Sports

• Brett describes eccentric World Games events: canoe polo, Corf ball, drone racing, and more (28:03).
  • “Rather than basketball, they have Corf ball, which I loved. If we had a Corf ball team, I'd go to every game. I'd be the super fan.” – Brett (29:18)
• Discussion of professional tag and speculation on further sports (“I'm sure they've got like pickleball in the World Games.” – Brett, 30:39).

9. More on Skiing Feats & Biathlon

• Return to awe over cross-country racers and biathletes’ endurance and accuracy under pressure (31:47).
• Brett (31:47): “Biathlon's awesome because…you’re trying to hit a target the size of a golf ball with a .22 rifle…It’s incredible.”
• Alice: “Oh, my gosh. That is pretty awesome. Good training for your military. I guess if you lived in Nordic countries.”

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Notable Quotes (with Timestamps)

• Alice (04:27): “They're all so good… I learn the sports anew every four years.”
• Alice (05:17): “Within like…45 minutes, I was so invested in curling…I don't understand the rules, but, boy, do I love this game.”
• Brett (06:27): “That dedication I can appreciate… but curling. Can't cheat at curling.”
• Alice (11:15): “We're talking meters. We're not talking, like, centimeters… that's why it's such a gate, because it's really big.”
• Brett (15:00): “If you have more skin, there's more suit… for every like centimeter more… it's meters of distance, which is a massive amount in the ski jump.”
• Alice (13:10): “This is the only kind of cheating I think the people who are not cheating probably aren't mad about it.”
• Alice (23:22): “Obviously we're all sitting on the couch, 25 pounds, drinking beer, being like, man, I can't believe he didn't land that.”
• Brett (26:46): “Norway has never won a medal in a sport introduced after 1992.”
• Brett (31:47): “Biathlon's awesome because… you’re trying to hit a target the size of a golf ball with a .22 rifle… It’s incredible.”

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Segment Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment/Topic | |--------------|------------------------------------| | 01:43–04:15 | Small talk, Sloss Furnaces, Vulcan | | 04:15–06:21 | Olympic fandom, curling, Canada | | 06:51–16:38 | 'Penis Gate' deep dive | | 16:38–18:22 | More odd Winter Olympic sports | | 18:22–23:19 | Dangerous events, bobsled, skeleton| | 23:19–28:03 | National specialties, hosting woes | | 28:03–31:14 | World Games, weird sports | | 31:14–33:12 | Cross-country/biathlon feats | | 33:12–End | Olympics nostalgia, audience Q&A |

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Summary & Takeaways

This “After Dark” episode is a freewheeling, comedic celebration of Olympic oddities and controversies. "Penis Gate" provides a centerpiece for both jaw-dropping analysis and running-joke irreverence—capped by Alice's explanation tying it (hilariously) to educational theory. The show is packed with genuine admiration for athletic grit, bemused awe at the extremities of human innovation (or mischief), and knowing humor about the frustrating or bizarre aspects of world sports.

Perfect for:
Listeners who enjoy witty banter, quirky sports stories, and irreverent takes on viral news — with a dash of science, history, and social commentary thrown in.

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Call to Listeners

At the close, Brett and Alice invite listeners to share their favorite Olympic sports and hot takes on 'Penis Gate'. As Brett quips:

"Let us know, guys, what's your favorite Olympic sport is and what you think about penis gate. Can't wait to hear that." (33:26)

Signature sign-off:

"As this episode proves, nothing good happens after dark." (33:36)

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Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[C]

With VRBoCare, help is always ready before, during, and after your stay. We've planned for the plot twists, so support is always available because a great trip starts with peace of mind.

[A]

Hello, hello, hello. And thank you again to the Captain for that rocking intro. Roll Tide to you too, Captain. Roll Tide. And Roll Tide to you. Alice. How are you doing tonight?

[C]

Roll Tide.

[A]

Roll Tide.

[C]

Great. It is freezing. So do you know that it was 80 degrees Narya 30 hours ago and now it's like 26 degrees. That's too much of a swing.

[A]

Like, Saturday was gorgeous.

[C]

Perfect. It was. Basically, all of the plants in my backyard were blooming and they're all dead now. They're all dead.

[A]

We went to Sloss Furnaces in Birmingham on Saturday because we're looking for something outdoor to do. It's awesome. If you're in Birmingham.

[C]

Wait, what is it called?

[A]

Sloss furnaces.

[C]

I don't. What is that?

[A]

It's the big. If you'd ever drive through Birmingham, it's the giant steel mill.

[C]

What do you do there? Like, what is that?

[A]

Well, it's a national historic place. It's the most complete example of a early 20th century steel mill in America. Well, because Birmingham, I don't know if y' all know this or not, but there's only like a couple places in the world that have all the ingredients you need to make steel, and Birmingham is one of them. Pittsburgh of the South.

[C]

I unfortunately live a couple miles from one.

[A]

There you go.

[C]

It's very loud.

[A]

Yeah, there you go. So anyways, when I first.

[C]

When I first moved here, I was like, why? Why is Thor hitting his hammer all hours of the night? And then I realized it was the steel.

[A]

That's true. Y' all do have a giant one down there, don't you?

[C]

A giant one? I know I hear it. Well, you know, only hear it at night. I don't know why. Maybe it's because there's not enough ambient sound to block it out.

[A]

It's not Thor. It's Vulcan.

[C]

It's Vulcan, you're right. The Vulcan statue.

[A]

The Vulcan statue in Burma.

[C]

It sounded. I couldn't tell what it was. It was just like a hammer.

[A]

It's the largest cast iron statue in the world. Vulcan.

[C]

It's pretty awesome. I didn't understand it when I first started dating Mr. Alice, and we went to the Vulcan statue all the time. And I was like, what is this weird obsession with the Vulcan?

[A]

Yeah. What is. One day in a thousand years when archeologists dig up Birmingham, they'll say, oh, that must have been the God of the city.

[C]

It does look like a God.

[A]

I mean, he is a God, but he's a Roman God.

[C]

He is a God, but not in that way.

[A]

Yeah, we don't worship him. Not officially at least.

[C]

Maybe at one point they did. It does kind of look. Yeah, you're right. They would definitely unearth it and be like, this is the God of the South, I guess.

[A]

So. Tell me this, Alice. Did you watch the Olympics as we record this? The Olympics? Of course.

[C]

I was pretty obsessed with the Olympics. All good Americans, I guess. What is your all good anyways?

[A]

Favorite Olympic sport.

[C]

They're. They're all so good. Because I have zero knowledge of any of, like, immediately as soon as closing ceremonies happen, all the rules and knowledge that I've gained in the last two weeks fall out of my head. So it's like I learn the sports anew every four years.

[A]

Can I say this? People always like poo poo. The Winter Olympics as compared to the Summer Olympics.

[C]

Oh, I love it.

[A]

I love the Winter Olympics. Summer Olympics.

[C]

There's nothing else to do in the winter. This is great.

[A]

The Winter Olympics are awesome. I always say the Winter Olympics every two years. I love them.

[C]

The thing with the Winter Olympics is there, you know, there's all these jokes on online of, like, we should have a regular person do it. You can't do that with any of the Winter Olympic sports. A regular person will die in 100% of the curling curl. Except for curling.

[A]

Curling is the everyman sport.

[C]

Okay. I will say, though, I was like, the first time. Remember, when I say the first time, I mean the first time every four years. Because I truly forget everything about every sport as soon as the closing ceremonies happen. So every time I watched curling for the first time. So the first time I watched curling this time, I was like, what is this? What are they doing? What is the strategy? Why are they swiffering the ice? How is that affecting anything? What is the point of this? And then within like, I don't know, 45 minutes, I was so invested in curling and I was like, I don't understand the strategy, I don't understand the rules, I don't understand the physics, but, boy, do I love this game.

[A]

I got to say, I generally, generally speaking, I'm a big fan of our Canadian friends in the north, even though they don't like me. But my hatred of Canada never burned so bright as when they were cheating at curling. I mean, I don't know what it was. It just like, there was something about it. It's like, it's about, how can.

[C]

It's not even like curling is such a sport.

[A]

It's a pure sport. And you're like, you're cheating. And curling. And curling.

[C]

Of all things, it'd be like cheating at rock, paper, scissors.

[A]

This is every man's sport. I mean, look, if you were one of the guys injecting stuff into your penis so that you could fly further in the ski jump, I mean, more power to you, right? You're not cheating. That dedication I can appreciate. I can appreciate that dedication. Right, but curling. Can't cheat at curling. Come on, man. What are you doing?

[C]

Okay, can we talk about penis gate real quick?

[A]

Sure.

[C]

Okay, so I don't think you understand my joke. So back in, you know, it's been. It's the Winter Olympics. I really do actually love the Winter Olympics timing, too. It's like the darkest, saddest time of any year. Christmas is over. Christmas decorations have been taken down. You're probably in your, like new New Year's resolutions that you've already broken. And then all of a sudden you get Winter Olympics and it's great. And yes, all the things you guys are saying, yes, I was incredibly invested in figure skating and skeleton and bobsled and all. And, you know, cross. The guy running uphill on skis, that's a sport. He was so fast.

[A]

I could, yeah, I could not run faster than that. Downhill, downhill, not in snow, not skis.

[C]

In regular tennis shoes, on perfect paved road. I couldn't run a six minute mile. I don't understand who decided that was even a sport. Because some of the sports, I'm like, some of the summer sports, especially the ones they test out. I'm like, that's not a real sport. Like, all the sports for the Winter Olympics, I'm like, you know what? That's a real sport. So back to what I was saying, which I have completely forgotten at this point.

[A]

Penis.

[C]

Which sport was I talking about?

[A]

How can you forget Penis Gate? I don't know how that's possible.

[C]

So I don't think you understand what I was saying. And I've been waiting.

[A]

Clearly don't. So I'm ready for you to explain it to me.

[C]

Okay, I want to explain. So weeks ago, before. Before the Olympics officially started, before the opening ceremonies, there was, you know, the titterings of Penis Gate. Penis Gate. Penis Gate, Right. And it's like, on Twitter. And so what?

[A]

No, never mind.

[C]

We get kicked off.

[A]

It's a professional. For the professional podcast.

[C]

Anyways, it's an official. The official name is Penis Gate. And so, like, I think Mrs. Brett was the first one who, like, sent it to our thread that was like, penis Gate. And I was, like, so invested in this. I read everything about it. I was like, this is amazing. And then, how could you not. How could you not be invested in Penis Gate especially? You want to know why I was super invested in Penis Gate? Because they were used to hyaluronic acid.

[A]

Sorry.

[C]

Because it's called Penis Gate. Because they were using hyaluronic acid, which we have to say repeatedly for one of our ads. And so I have practiced saying hyaluronic acid to so much. And I've also looked it up because I'm like, the heck is hyaluronic acid? I only know as it as a topical cream. And here they are injecting it straight into their wee wees. And so I was super invested in this, and I made, I thought, a hilarious joke that you didn't understand, and I want to explain it to you.

[A]

Did I understand or did I laugh to myself and not comment?

[C]

No. No, you did not understand because you literally set a question mark, and when you send a question mark, it's pure confusion. It's pure confusion. I think. I think Mrs. Brett understood it, so I'd like to explain it to you. So let's see if the rest of you understand what I'm saying. So this is like, I have not followed Penis Gate. I have no idea what has happened, because I don't want to know. Some stories, you want to leave exactly where you found them, and I don't want to know more about it. So I wrote, this is Great. This is the Montessori method in real life. Action. And you were like, I don't get it. Because all you did was you literally gave me a question mark after hours of thinking about it. This is. This is how I know you actually didn't understand it, because you read it and then you thought about it for, like, 15 hours, and then you gave me a question mark.

[A]

And I'm still kind of questioning. So I'm looking forward to this explanation now that you've mentioned it.

[C]

So the whole purpose, the whole, like, idea behind Montessori, right, is that I

[A]

don't know how these are going to connect. I can't wait to see how these two things, Montessori and penis gate, are going to connect.

[C]

So the whole idea of Montessori is that you're teaching someone what without teaching them. So it's not like teaching them physics by teaching them physics, Quantum physics, giving them a test and everything. You see a child who's sitting there and they repeatedly drop, you know, a ball off a table, and they're figuring out Newtonian physics that way, and the kid's really interested in it. So you're, like, encouraging them to explore how they're experiencing the world around them. And in the process of that curiosity and the child led learning, they discovered Newtonian physics for themselves without a textbook. That's the Montessori method. These guys, you think they would ever know that injecting their wee wees, making them bigger, would somehow expand the physics of their suits just enough to allow these meters that would allow them to win? No way. Meters?

[A]

Meters.

[C]

We're talking meters. We are not talking, like, centimeters. We're talking meters. Is the difference of what? Penis gate. That's why it's such a gate, because it's really big. They were sitting around all day, being bros, probably drinking a lot of beer, and they were like, you know, it's like a sail on a boat. Huh? Sails on a boat. How could we get crotches to have, like, sails? You know what we have? A stick. You know what we could do? Make our sticks bigger. I wonder what we could do. It's the Montessori method in. And they figured out both biology and physics by being bros, sitting around looking at their wee wees, thinking about how they could get a couple meters higher. Do you get it now?

[A]

I do. Thank you for that. I'm glad you explained that, because that's brilliant.

[C]

And that's why Maria Montessori is really where penis gate started.

[A]

I wonder how many people were like, I need to Try that.

[C]

Like, oh, oh, no, no, no, no. Here's what I'm thinking. I have all these dialogues. If I were a screenwriter, I would have written so many plays at this point.

[A]

It'd be a great story.

[C]

I just imagine everyone, yeah, everyone opened up, you know, like, everyone's at the Olympic village. Everyone's like, freaking out. They're passing out condoms. Cause we know what happens in the Olympic village. And everyone's like, don't fool around. Because if you fool around, your head's not in the game. And it's all about the damn. You're just gonna come home with that medal. That's all we care about. You're like, yes, coach. Yes, coach. And then I open up, you know, and I'm about to like, message mom to be like, mom, I love you. Send me some prayers and support. And instead I get this New York Times alert that's like, huh. I'm not even mad that these guys in my sport cheat because I don't wanna inject my penis with hyaluronic acid. I'm sure that's not good for it.

[A]

So.

[C]

So y' all keep cheating, cuz this is the only kind of cheating. I think the people who are not cheating probably aren't mad about it.

[A]

You know, every man who read that story was like, I wonder how long that lasts. Like, is it a. It's like hours.

[C]

There's no way you can't be numb. There's no way you can't be numb because hyaluronic acid, you know this well, it's acid. But the reason it works on your face is it literally numbs your face and like pokes it like little needles just like you do when you do micro needling for face rejuvenation. So you're like pricking the pulp. The reason it gets bigger, your face too, when it like, once again gets more collagen. Prostate. We're gonna get banned off every platform for this. It's like micro needling and you're like burning your parts. I don't think it's good for you in the moment or after or during. So what kind of metal worth it?

[A]

What difference are we talking about size wise with this? I'm just curious. I mean, just for size, right?

[C]

I don't think.

[A]

I mean, it was big enough to.

[C]

You're still limited by biology, right?

[A]

True, true.

[C]

So it's not like things that. It's not factors more. But that was the whole point of the physics was all it needed to be was basically the difference between like A couple of centimeters to have the diversions be where it would result in meters higher. Because of the way physics works.

[A]

Yeah. So basically, for those of you who are wondering how this works, these suits are skin tight. So if you have more skin, there's more suit. And then if. So let's say you had more skin, you get the suit fitted and then you have less skin. Well, now you have like extra suit which acts as a sail and can carry you further in your ski jump. And the effect, it's like for every, as Alice said, for every like centimeter more of like micro.

[C]

It's. It truly is micro. Right.

[A]

It's meters of distance, which is a massive amount in the ski jump. So it's a huge difference.

[C]

It really. It really is a huge difference, which is why I think they were found out because they were too good at what they did.

[A]

Yeah, there you go. And so as I'm watching them, I admit I was like, how skin tight is that suit? Is this one of the guys who's cheating? I just don't know. Like, not something I normally want to be observing, but so to be fair,

[C]

I'm not totally sure if it was just so some of you are asking, couldn't you just gain weight and lose, you know, lose the weight? I did. This is, this is the part of the web that I did not go to because I was afraid of what I would click on. It was not clear to me that it was only during the uniform fitting. It may have also been during the in flight time to create the sail like effect. So it's not just that there was extra sail, but that there was something. Think about your literal sail for your sailboat. Right? Like you could have a big rudder, but.

[A]

Right. I mean otherwise, like, it also has

[C]

to be, you know, like standing up.

[A]

Yeah, good point. So good point.

[C]

I didn't venture down that aspect because I was. It was getting to some dark places on the Internet and I was like, you know what? It was fun. I better leave this before I become part of some sort of dark ring.

[A]

Have your sail at full mast. You know, gotta make sure it's.

[C]

Oh, anyways, I'm pretty sure we've lost everybody now.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

What did you like to watch? What did you like to. It is after dark.

[A]

I like it to be boring, but you've really, you've really upped your. This is what, this is why, this is why this, this team works so well, you know.

[C]

Does it work, though?

[A]

There are times where you elevate it. Where I elevate It. You know where I get a few more meters? Where you get a few more meters just depends on the. What we're talking about.

[C]

I just had more of my syringe.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. Tonight you were just all shot up with.

[C]

I've been waiting. I've been waiting to explain my Montessori joke to you.

[A]

Why? So glad that you told me this. I was just gonna talk about the biathlon. How much love the bathlon. But. But this is so much better. And I was gonna say I'm convinced I could do the ski jump, but.

[C]

Dude. Okay, here's a real question. I don't know what all the events are because they're all snowy and they're all on skis. So, like. And I turn it on, and it's, like, in the background. So I. Sorry. I'm gonna get all the different events wrong. But there are so many events where my initial reaction, especially as a mother, is, oh, my gosh, was that supposed to happen? And I think the answer is yes, but they look so out of control, and it looks like. I don't think that flip was supposed to happen in there. And then everyone's skating off course. And, like, people win by skating backwards because they barely landed. Like, how does that even happen?

[A]

Well, I saw. On the half pipe. I saw a guy who is doing the half pipe, and he goes up in the air, and he goes too far forward, and he landed, like, square on his back on the edge of the half pipe. And I was like, that guy's dead. Of course he got up and walked off, because these people are, like, insane machines. But it's like the Lindsey Vaughn wreck. I mean, downhill skiing.

[C]

Oh.

[A]

I mean, you're going 80 miles an hour.

[C]

That was horrible. And that was like, the second day of the Olympics.

[A]

And she was only one of the people who was airlifted off the field that day that they kept. I watch them on Peacock. I mean, and you watch the whole event.

[C]

Great.

[A]

So after you guys turned off that event, or if you watch it on, like, live, they kept going. And there was another lady who crashed, and they had to airlift her off. And they were talking about how they keep two helicopters for every downhill, so they'll always have a helicopter to pick up somebody and take them to the hospital when the other one can come

[C]

back, it's like, well, that's my question. With events like that, I don't think there's an option to not crash. Oftentimes, like, the speed at which you are going and the angles at which you have to turn it's like an inevitability.

[A]

I forget what the stat was, but it was something like 40 of the competitors had missed at least a year because of serious leg injuries in their career as downhill skiers.

[C]

I mean Lindsey Vaughden didn't have an ACL when she started. Before the crash. She's like, it's okay. Don't really need an ACL for this event. I'm like, do I mean really like do you not. I mean I'm really glad that she's okay because that was one of the most horrific things I've ever seen in my life. And it was brutal.

[A]

Multiple fractures, she's had like multiple surgeries.

[C]

I, I, I watched the like live broadcast when she was screaming because they, yeah, that was, that was horrible. I the bobsled is hilar what happened? What's, what's is it the bobsled when like all of our team members fell out.

[A]

That did happen. But you know what? The one guy who was left, he made it to, he lived. And what I loved about it, he lived.

[C]

So the bob sled, he had to climb back.

[A]

He did pull the brakes. There are four guys in a four man bobsled team. Obviously the two in the middle are completely irrelevant.

[C]

All they do, it's, it's for weight.

[A]

All they do is push the bobsled jump in and they're weight to make it go faster. The guy in the front steering, the guy in the back is breaking. So what Alice is talking about is during like a training run or qualifying run, it wasn't actually at the Olympics. But the four guys are trying to get in and the three in the back completely miss the bobsled. The only guy who gets in the sl.

[C]

But your one job is to get in the sled.

[A]

The only guy who gets in is the driver. So he continues, he goes all the way down to the bottom. When he gets to the bottom, he has to then slide to the back and put on the brakes to avoid like slamming into the wall. Just cuz there's no brake man to

[C]

break at like 100 miles per hour.

[A]

Crazy.

[C]

And it was terrifying because if you've ever been on like a, like a water slide and you're too heavy or too light. If you're too light, it's actually terrifying cuz you can fly out of the slide. That was him the whole time because his sled was like three times too light. Any purpose.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

I can't believe he didn't fly out of skeleton.

[A]

Where you do that going face first.

[C]

Yeah, I Don't understand that. Like who decided like which thrill?

[A]

I think about that all the time. Who came up with these?

[C]

Which thrill? Sleeker was like, you know what we should do? Do this without any protective gear around us. Like a car. Put our heads first.

[A]

You know, you think about a lot of sports make sense, right? So like the marathon is the battle of marathon. The reason it's 26.2 miles is because the guy ran 26.2 miles back to Athens to tell them about the victory at marathon and then he dropped dead, which is a warning to all of you marathoners. And maybe that's not something you should do. The first marathoner literally died at the of it. But anyways, that's why they do it. Javelin, we love throwing spears. It's like a human thing, right? The cross country, like what were the Swedes doing in World War II? They were cross country skiing and then shooting some Russians, right? So it's like perfect sport. But then you get things like the skeleton or the, the two man luge where there's just like some poor dude on the bottom with another dude laying on top of him and they're going down.

[C]

Seriously, how did that start? You know that started as a dare.

[A]

It had to have, right? It had to.

[C]

Hey Billy, I promise, everyone does this sport. You have to lay right on top of me, right?

[A]

Yeah, exactly. A dare. Uh huh. That's. That's what it was. Sorry man. This is what we have to do for the sport we know.

[C]

But then. And it's so diverse as well because it's like you have like snowboarding, you, you have these like crazy runs right down these hills where I just assume pure death. It looks like you're going vertically, downhill. Seriously, I don't even like watching it. Cause I get motion sickness watching them go at those speeds. And then you have figure skating and ice dancing and couples figure. And I'm like, how is this all in one Olympics? I love this.

[A]

I love it.

[C]

And what I love is love figure skating.

[A]

Obviously we're all sitting on the couch, 25 pounds, drinking beer, being like, man, I can't believe he. He didn't land that.

[C]

I can't believe the quad guy didn't get another quad.

[A]

What a loser, that guy. Yeah, dude. Geez.

[C]

Was that only one backflip? Try another one, man. Way to be lazy.

[A]

360. I would have done a 420 there. Like. Okay, okay, like. But yeah, I mean, I think the Olympics. The Olympics are awesome. I love the Olympics.

[C]

I love the. I love it so I also, like, have a special place in my heart because I grew up in Atlanta during the 96 Olympics. And so I was so young at the time. Olympics was, like, baked into my being, you know, because I was so young. This is, like, the thing you do. I haven't really gone to another. I've been to Salt Lake City, but I didn't go during the Olympics. I'd like to go at some point.

[A]

Was it 2028? We're having the Summer Olympics in Los Angeles and across the country, though.

[C]

That's right. They've been.

[A]

It's a big. Because this year is the World cup in the United States and Canada, Mexico. And then 2028 is the Olympics. Olympics. And then if we live this long, in 2034, the Winter Olympics are in Salt Lake City. And I'd like to go to that because I love that. Maybe I'll try out for the ski jump.

[C]

Do they. Do they use the same things again? Yeah, you know, because they hosted it, so.

[A]

The Italian. So here's the thing. So.

[C]

And don't you always lose money on the Olympics, like, as the host?

[A]

So if you're China and you do the Winter Olympics in the middle of Beijing, which was like, you're gonna dystopian, you know, oh, we're gonna do the aerials right next to a factory. It's gonna be amazing. It's like, this is. Why are we doing this? Right. They lost a ton of money, but they don't care because they're China. Italy, though. Most of the facilities they used are, like, famous facilities. Like, their biathlon facility is.

[C]

People have done that.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So they were able just to use a lot of the facilities they're already using for, like, you know, Bathlon World Cup. And their luge center is famous. I mean, so.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

They actually were able. Which is the way you should do it. I mean, you should do it at places that already have all this stuff, and then you don't lose so much money. So I think it's interesting to the way certain countries dominate certain sports. So the Germans are, like, the best sledders. So the Germans have never lost the luge relay.

[C]

They've never lost me.

[A]

They.

[C]

They never fell out of their sleds.

[A]

They have always won the gold medal in the luge relay, which is like. That's a dude goes down the luge. Two dudes go down the luge. Two ladies go down the luge. Lady goes down the luge. They're the. All four of them, like, the whole team. Yeah, they've never lost. They've always won gold.

[C]

That's actually pretty amazing. Like again, a lot of these. I don't even know where a luge run is within 300 miles of where I live. Right. Like, where do you even enter into the sport? And then you need to live somewhere that has access. I mean, we've seen this before, like with the Summer Olympics. People who have competed in swimming, you can run anywhere. They do not have a swimming pool. What?

[A]

You can run anywhere. So there's always you can run anywhere.

[C]

So that's good running. But like Norway dominated this year. But also Norway is, well, what's interesting.

[A]

So Norway dominates the traditional sports. Right. Norway has never won a medal in a Sport introduced after 1992.

[C]

Huh.

[A]

So they win all their medals. Like, they crush it in the bathlon, they crush it in the cross country. You know, they're crushing mountaineering, they're crushing all these traditional sports that they're really awesome at. The Germans are crushing the luge, but then it's like the South Koreans and the Americans are winning the snowboarding. Exactly.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. Which makes sense too. Like, yeah, those were they. They do come from. They come from 90s, like culture.

[A]

So, like South Korea has never won a medal in a Sport introduced before 1992. The Netherlands has never won a medal in a sport other than speed skating, where they win all the medals. So it's just like, it's a really interesting thing they got going on with all the different sports.

[C]

I think that's fascinating. Yeah, yeah. And I assume you did. Did you watch the hockey game? I did the hockey finals.

[A]

I watched both hockey finals, which both ended in overtime, in which both times the Americans beat the Canadians.

[C]

That's pretty awesome.

[A]

If it been a horse based sport, I think the Canadians would have had us. But since it was just.

[C]

Well, because of the Mounties, they basically are born riding horses.

[A]

That's true.

[C]

You know, they're basically born on horses.

[A]

So I went. Did you go to the World Games few years ago in Birmingham?

[C]

Oh, we did not. Remember, we looked at tickets together. But I did not end up going, did you?

[A]

So we did go. So the World Games, how was it? So the world basically like weird Olympics. Right.

[C]

There was like jump rope.

[A]

Yeah. So it wouldn't shock me if they had horse ice hockey in the World Games. So we went like, we went to the.

[C]

Where is the.

[A]

They had. It was in China this year and before that was in Birmingham, Alabama. So they had water polo, but instead of like standard water polo like in the Olympics, they were in canoes. So we watched. It was the Germans and I think Hong Kong were against each other. And it's literally, they're just. They've got their paddles and they're paddling around in their canoes and then they drop the panel to catch the ball and try and score. Right?

[C]

So crazy.

[A]

It was wild. It was the weirdest thing.

[C]

I remember you. We were looking all the events because it was relatively close to where we were living. And I was like, who. How do you even train for this? Like, who trains for this? Or you just like, I'm a pretty good athlete. I'm going to pick up canoe hockey.

[A]

Yeah, well, so they had. Rather than basketball, they have Corf ball, which I loved. I loved Corf ball. I would, if, if we had a Corf ball team, I'd go to every game. I'd be the super fan.

[C]

Well, you play at camp. Not like, mean.

[A]

It was so cool, right? They got all these weird rules. They had drone racing, so people would race drones.

[C]

It's just like not athletic.

[A]

It was just the weirdest sport. You know, like they had frisbee golf and they had dodgeball and tug of war. I mean, they just had like all these sports that you don't have in the Olympics. And so, yeah, like, it wouldn't shock me. But anyways, yes, I did watch the hockey. They were great games.

[C]

You know, that reminds me of kind of weird sports. I was reading my alumni magazine for law school and someone I went to law school with. I mean, it was a really funny entry. If I read the whole thing, then that's a good entry, right? But you know, most people are like, I am now partner at blah blah law firm. And this person was like, I am now a top 10 ranked tag player. And I was like, there's professional tag.

[A]

There you go. I mean, they could have been a podcaster, like a real loser.

[C]

But a tag player, that's actually ranked. Podcasting's not even really ranked. Who knows what's happening?

[A]

And I'm sure they've got like pickleball in the World Games.

[C]

I'm sure they do too.

[A]

So.

[C]

By the way, the next, the next World Games is 2029 in Germany. We can go. Maybe we should all go Corf ball.

[A]

The Netherlands are really good at Corf ball. They are. They're like, they kill it.

[C]

I still feel, feel like this is made up, but. Okay, wait, real quick, back to the Olympics, cuz we just said goodbye to them. Okay. Did you watch? Okay, I really. What, what was the Uphill ski running. What was it called? Uphill ski running.

[A]

That was. I think that was just the end of cross country skiing. That one dude who won six gold medals, he won every single cross country skiing because that's. He didn't have ski. He just runs in his skis and they end. Was like an uphill, and he just ran up that uphill.

[C]

I don't even understand how you can lift your legs up that fast with the skis on.

[A]

I mean, you're from Norway. That's all I think I know.

[C]

From Norway, man.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, that was awesome.

[C]

See, that would be one of the scariest things to me on a mountain seeing someone run at me at six minutes per mile in full ski gear.

[A]

See, I don't love cross country, but I love biathlon. Biathlon's awesome because you got. So you're doing the cross country skiing, right? And you're totally exhausted and you're breathing. Like, when they end biathlon, they just collapse. Much like cross country, they just collapse on the ground because they're so tired. So you do all that, but then you get to this range where you've got like 50 yards and you're trying to hit a target the size of a golf ball with a.22 rifle with just like, iron sights, right? No, like, magnified sights. And if you watch them, they have to, like, they are breathing. They have. They basically stop breathing to shoot. So it's. It's like running a sprint in the snow for 2km and then having to calm your breathing so much that, that you can shoot in that position. It's incredible. And then if you miss a shot, you have to do a penalty leave. So you're punished by having to ski more if you miss a shot. Biaflon.

[C]

Oh, my gosh. That is pretty awesome. Good training for your military. I guess if you lived in Nordic.

[A]

There you go.

[C]

Countries.

[A]

That's how the Swedes beat the Germans. Or not the Germans, the Russians. Yeah.

[C]

So, wow. I already miss the Olympics. I'm so glad that Summer Olympics is only two. Two years away. Yeah.

[A]

Not as cool as the Winter Olympics, but that's okay.

[C]

Not as cool.

[A]

No.

[C]

And I have more time to watch it in the winter.

[A]

All the sports. Summer Olympics are so normal. They're like, I know.

[C]

I'm like, oh, we're going to throw.

[A]

Oh, we're going to throw heavy objects. Right? Like, okay. Well, this has been fun, Alice.

[C]

I've had a great time.

[A]

This might be the best after dark ever. Let us know, guys, what's your favorite Olympic sport is and what you think about penis gate. Can't wait to hear that. All right, Alice. Well, this has been fun. We'll be back next time. Till then, remember, nothing good. Nothing. As this episode proves, nothing good happens after dark.

[B]

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[B]

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