The Prosecutors After Dark: Bed Bugs

Summary

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The Prosecutors After Dark: Bed Bugs

Podcast: The Prosecutors
Hosts: Alice and Brett
Date: November 19, 2025
Episode Theme:
A hilarious, chaotic, and very real discussion about hotel disasters—centered on an unforgettable bed bug incident during a girls’ weekend, plus behind-the-scenes stories from Alice’s days working at a motel. While there’s no true crime case this week, Alice and Brett get candid about travel mishaps, hospitality industry antics, and reveal some of their own “statute-of-limitations-expired” scams.

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Episode Overview

In this “After Dark” edition, the true crime is the hospitality nightmare itself: bed bugs, double-booked rooms, and the creative solutions (or lack thereof) employed by exhausted hotel staff. Brett recounts a wild Wisconsin weekend marred by bed bugs, while Alice shares “never-before-told” secrets from her motel days—including incentives to upsell customers, wild late-night encounters, and the surprising economics of hotel room rentals.

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Detailed Breakdown & Key Insights

1. Government Shutdown & Travel Madness

• [02:00]
  • The episode opens with banter about the ongoing government shutdown. Alice jokes about taking advantage of halted work schedules to travel, courtesy of the taxpayer.
  • Both hosts reflect on how the shutdown affects federal employees’ lives: “People cannot literally work forever without money because they have to actually pay.” — Alice ([02:58])
  • The courts are closing and staff are getting desperate: “Somebody was like, today was like, I'm gonna have to get a second job. And I was like, good thing I already got one.” — Alice ([03:10])

2. Brett’s Hotel Bed Bug Catastrophe in Wisconsin

• [03:36] – [17:20]
  • Brett recounts a recent trip to Door County, Wisconsin for Fall Fest. The trip is meant to be relaxing, but everything goes off the rails when Claire (Brett’s friend) calls with an ominous voicemail: "Bedbugs." — Brett ([08:15])

The Nightmare Unfolds

• Claire stays in their hotel room alone, wakes up at 1 AM “covered head to toe in bites” and discovers live (and dead) bed bugs in both her bed and Brett’s unoccupied bed ([08:18] – [11:12]).
• The hotel is “fully booked” for the popular festival. The only apparent solution: “What if I get you a rollaway bed…?” — Front Desk Clerk (as relayed by Brett) ([08:59])
• The front desk worker loses track of time and gets confused about which guest is in which room. “She opens the door and the poor front desk man is standing listlessly in the middle of the hallway, just turning in 360 circles repeatedly.” — Brett ([09:51])
• The saga gets weirder: The next room has only a Murphy bed, and a closet door opens to reveal a stranger: “Inside she hears someone say, ‘We’re sleeping in here.’” — Brett ([12:15])
• Still sleep-deprived, Claire is shuffled to yet another room—more like staff quarters than a guest room. The beleaguered clerk tries to “make up for it” by offering snacks: “He’s standing there with a can of Pringles and a bag of pistachios from the mini bar and just hands it to her and walks away.” — Brett ([14:01])

Resolution?

• Even after all this, when the manager comes in, things aren’t fully resolved. Claire gets a new room—occupied by someone else, mid-hair curling: “Clearly, the beds have been slept in. Course, there she was very. It was very occupied.” — Brett ([14:47])
• Ultimately, Brett and Claire give up: “We’re gonna drive an hour away because there’s no vacancies. Literally no room at the inn for an hour… And then we left and never went back. But it was the best weekend ever.” — Brett ([17:16])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Good thing you stayed in Milwaukee.” — Alice ([08:15])
• “Bedbugs. And I was like, hold up.” — Brett ([08:13])
• “This is like a Mr. Nightmare story.” — Alice ([12:25])
• “You’re about to have your fear unlocked again.” — Brett ([08:29])
• “I’m so glad you had a great time.” — Alice ([17:20]) (delivered with full sarcasm)

3. Alice’s Motel Chronicles: The Business of Hospitality

• [17:30] – [25:51]
  • Alice shares her experience working solo shifts at a local motel as a college student.

Motel Life, Staff Tricks, and Outrageous Stories

• The motel maintained two spare rooms, including a “single bed” staff room, only used in emergencies or on football weekends. The front desk staff dreaded the “nightmare scenario” of double bookings or bed bug discoveries ([18:25] – [19:15]).
• Alice explains the flawed incentive structure: staff bonuses depended on average room rates—not total rooms sold. “If you rented one room for a hundred dollars, that would get you a bonus. Whereas if you rented five at 75, no bonus. Ridiculous. Stupid.” — Alice ([21:04])
• A mini-masterclass in motel negotiation: always ask for the price, or expect to pay too much. “If you came into my hotel and you asked for a room, like, hey, I need a king. I'm like, I got one. Great. Here's my credit card. You got charged like 120 for a room because you didn't ask the price. So I charged you whatever I wanted to.” — Alice ([22:21])

Wild and Gruesome Encounters

• Alice describes sketchy guests, including "ladies of the night" and a particularly unsettling incident: “There's just blood everywhere. Whole room's covered in blood.” — Alice ([24:05])
• When Brett asks how Alice didn’t get fired for that, she answers wryly: “Oh, I was the best employee. My rates were so much higher than everyone else.” — Alice ([24:29])
• Comic relief: Alice admits she ate more raw cookie dough than was ever baked for guests: “I'd eat, like, 30 little circles of cookie dough. I'd make, like, 10. I mean, I just ate that cookie dough like it was going out of style.” ([25:00])

4. Reflections, Community, and Sign-Off

• [25:20] – [28:00]
  • The hosts reflect on tornado warnings, the unpredictability of proper emergencies in hospitality, and how little a front desk clerk can actually do: “We're in a hotel. There's no basement… If the tornado hits this building, we are going to die.” — Alice ([25:44])
  • Metacommentary on episode structure, their favorite listeners, and what their fans mean to them: “You’re our favorite people. The people who listen to these episodes. Our favorite people.” — Alice ([27:10])
  • Debate over what tagline to use, as another YouTuber “kind of stole” their idea. They settle on:
    • “Nothing good happens After Dark.” ([26:48])

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• “Bedbugs. And I was like, hold up.” — Brett ([08:13])
• “This is like a Mr. Nightmare story.” — Alice ([12:25])
• “Inside she hears someone say, ‘We’re sleeping in here.’” — Brett ([12:19])
• “I’m trying so hard not to ruin your business right now. And I was like, the problem. That is a real problem that may have spread to three rooms.” — Brett ([15:06])
• “Oh, I was the best employee. My rates were so much higher than everyone else.” — Alice ([24:29])
• “If you asked, you got lower [rates]. And so that way my numbers are always way higher than everybody else.” — Alice ([22:41])
• “If the tornado hits this building, we are going to die.” — Alice ([25:44])
• “Nothing good happens After Dark.” — Alice ([26:48])

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Key Takeaways & Listener Highlights

• Hospitality Disasters Are Universally Relatable: Even seasoned travelers (and prosecutors!) aren’t immune from nightmarish hotel experiences.
• Inside Hotel Scams and Economics: Always ask for the rate! Staff incentives often work against guests’ best interests.
• Human Side of Hospitality: Whether dealing with bedbugs or tornadoes, front desk staff do what they can—often with humor and snacks.
• Loyal Listeners, Deep Dives: This “After Dark” isn’t about true crime, but about the human comedy behind every supposedly “ordinary” experience.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 02:00 — Government shutdown effects & travel mishaps.
• 03:36 — Brett’s Wisconsin trip & introduction to the bed bug story.
• 08:15 — “Bedbugs” voicemail revealed.
• 09:51 — Pacing hotel clerk and escalating chaos.
• 12:19 — The Murphy bed room and strangers behind doors.
• 14:01 — Pringles, pistachios, and exhaustion.
• 17:16 — “We left and never went back.”
• 18:25 — Alice’s motel days: staff rooms & “ladies of the night.”
• 21:04 — Motel incentive system and negotiation advice.
• 24:05 — The bloody room and police.
• 25:44 — Tornadoes, cookies, and existential hotel dread.
• 26:48 — Tagline: “Nothing good happens After Dark.”

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A must-listen for anyone who travels, works in hospitality, or just enjoys war stories (and survival tips!) from the front lines of American hotels—with classic Alice and Brett honesty and wit.

Transcript

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[Alice]

Hello, everybody. Welcome to this episode of the Prosecutors After Dark Roll. Todd. Alice, is that how we do it?

[Brett]

Is that what we're doing? Because I was too busy dancing. This is how Brittany dances to everything.

[Alice]

Is that right?

[Brett]

One hand in the air.

[Alice]

It's the best way to dance. Yeah.

[Brett]

One hand in the air. Only one. Like a lasso.

[Alice]

Learned it from you. Did she do the lasso while she goes?

[Brett]

Yeah, but the other hand's like straight out. It's like a little merengue.

[Alice]

Anyways, Alice, so I hear you have a story for us.

[Brett]

I have a story for you. But before we dive into the story, how's the government shutdown been going for you?

[Alice]

Well, so I traveled a lot for the first couple weeks of the government shut down, which was awesome because I was going to travel anyway, but I didn't have to take vacation. So thank you to the taxpayer for making that happen. I mean, at some point, I feel like you probably need to, like, start the government again because it's getting. The government does.

[Brett]

It's getting there. It's like getting there.

[Alice]

You know, I don't really care what your politics are. They matter. Democrats, Republicans, it doesn't really matter. Government does. Things got to get done, so got to get done. Like how long will people work for free?

[Brett]

Not so.

[Alice]

It's like this started on October 1st. It's October 21st. I went into work.

[Brett]

Is that right? Has it already been three weeks?

[Alice]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Oh, here I thought it was like two weeks.

[Alice]

I'm like doing stuff like the courts are starting to close.

[Brett]

I did get an email today that the court was like, we're now closed because we're in phase two of shut down.

[Alice]

Yeah, I got the same email. Yeah. So they're starting to reschedule. Oral arguments, like, all that stuff. It's like, hey, like, some point we got to move forward. Like, people cannot literally work forever without.

[Brett]

Money because they have to actually pay. I remember what shutdown was it that was kind of like, I was in D.C. for it, but, like, it kind of got, you know, because people did have to pay rent, and we lived in D.C. and rent was not cheap.

[Alice]

Somebody was like, today was like, I'm gonna have to get a second job. And I was like, good thing I already got one.

[Brett]

Good thing I already got one. Okay, so I don't know, you know how the saying goes. If you wake up and you encounter a jerk, then you encountered a jerk, but if you wake up every day and encounter a jerk every day, then you're the jerk.

[Alice]

They're basically. You are a travel problem. Is that what you're trying to say? I am the travel problem?

[Brett]

I think I am the travel problem because these things keep happening to me. But this. Okay, we're not going to release this episode for a long time, so. Because the people involved don't all know it happened, and I don't want anyone to know about it until a little bit of time has passed. But this story needs to be told while it's fresh in my mind, because I'm gonna come back and revisit this and remember it. So this weekend, I had the wonderful opportunity to go to a state I'd never been to before.

[Alice]

Oh, that's exciting.

[Brett]

Wisconsin.

[Alice]

Wisconsin. Were you up there looking at Slenderman? Were you there for the Slender Man?

[Brett]

I was. Did you eat? I did have some fried curds with ranch. Interesting. I didn't know they came with ranch. I would have never had fried curds.

[Alice]

With ranch anything I love.

[Brett]

So it was Fall Fest in Door county. And I didn't know what this was before, but it's amazing. It's like the tip of the peninsula, and it's like, all the way at the tip and it's beautiful. The weather was amazing. It looked like, you know, a scene out of. Were you on the Laker Girls Fall? What?

[Alice]

Were you on the lake?

[Brett]

I was on the lake. Like, it was all beautiful. It was. It was incredible, right? Had such a great time. And I'd never been to Wisconsin at all. I ate a lot of cheese there. Ate a lot of cheese. It was delicious there. If only I could have, like, packed.

[Alice]

Go to Wisconsin once again, have you been there? No. If you're up in Wisconsin, if you're in Waukesha and you got a space for still live event, send us an email.

[Brett]

I would go back in a heartbeat. I understand that the winters are probably kind of harsh, but I kind of feel like it'd still be beautiful because it was late October and it was just beautiful. I recognize it could have been freezing. It was not. It was like 60, 70 degrees. Perfect weather. It was even a little warm. So I get up there and I have a very short turnaround. Life is just slicing dicing real slim these days, right? We have been traveling non stop for the past like two months. I have been in like four time zones in a week and a half. I'm tired. I. I can't travel anymore. So I'm only there for a couple nights and it's a far trip from where we live. So I get up there and I'm actually supposed to stay like on the water when I get there that night. But instead I land in Milwaukee and I catch up with a friend. And it like, I was like, I don't want to drive all the way up there because it's like almost three hours to drive up there. I was having a good time catching up with a friend. So I'm like, you know what, I'm just gonna not go up there. I'm leaving a friend behind though. So I am meeting a friend. Let's just call her cl. Meeting Claire up where we have a hotel room. And this is like old days. Neither of us are traveling with our kids or our husbands. We're really excited and we're gonna get to stay together. It's gonna be wonderful. And so as I'm going to the airport, I text her ahead of time. I'm like, hey, about to catch up with a friend. Haven't seen her for a really long time. There's a possibility I just like stay up way too late talking and I'm not gonna make it up to the hotel. So I'll see you the next morning. No big deal. And she's like, totally understand. Don't worry about it. We'll still get to hang out for a couple days together. And so I'm feeling really guilty because I'm like leaving one friend hanging up there. And I should go up there. I should make the drive the night before. But whatever. I decide to stay the night in Milwaukee and had a wonderful time. Had cops custard. Amazing. You guys, like, I don't understand how you make such delicious custard. And I wake up the next morning and I'm supposed to get on the road, like crack it on 6am I'm just gonna get up there because I've already missed the night before. But of course, like have coffee, hang out with a friend. And I don't get on the road until like mid morning and so I'm way behind. So I started driving up there and I get this call from Claire and I was like, oh my gosh, Claire's gonna be like, where are you? I've been waiting for you for like 12 hours now. Like, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. So I answer the call and Claire is like, did you listen to my voicemail? And I said, no. Are, are you okay? She's like, just hang up your phone and listen to the voicemail. And I was like, okay, I will. But really quick, you need to tell me.

[Alice]

Yeah, why don't you just tell me what you said?

[Brett]

Are you okay? Like are you okay? I mean, are. Like this doesn't sound good. Something bad's happened, right? Like, are you okay? And she says, just do it. I said okay. She didn't sound angry at me, so I was like, I don't get okay. Okay. So I, I listened to the voicemail and it's so loud and it's so discombobulated, I cannot. And she had just left this voicemail like 2 minutes earlier. Cause I just missed a call from her. And literally this is what I hear in the voicemail. And I'm driving down this idyllic fall tree lined road on my way to the ocean, you know, to the lake. And I hear bedbugs. And I was like, hold up.

[Alice]

Good thing you stayed. And Milwaukee.

[Brett]

I played the voicemail again and it said bedbugs. And I was like, oh no, I definitely heard bedbugs. So I immediately called Claire back and I'm like, claire, I couldn't understand a word of your voicemail, but I think you said bedbugs. And she goes, yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's just one thing that happened. I said, what could be worse than bedbugs? Which is like, you know when we talked about the 90s fears, like quicksand, bedbugs. I remember I would check every bed I'd ever get into and be like, are there bed bugs? Right. Well you guys, you're about to have your fear unlocked again. So she told me that night before. So she goes to bed and there's two beds in the room. Cause I'm supposed to be there too. And so she sleeps in her bed, and she wakes up at 1am itching like crazy. And she's like, in her sleep, like, this is weird. There are no mosquitoes in Wisconsin. What is happening? And all of a sudden she's like, wait, no, this is not okay. So she flips on the light, and she looks in the mirror and just covered head to toe in bites. And she's like, surely, surely, this is not what I think it is. And she flips back the covers, and sure enough, she sees a little friend. And she's like, oh, no. Oh, no. So she runs down to the front desk, and one lone guy working there. Poor guy, right? He's not been trained for this situation. And she tells him the situation, and he's like, oh, my goodness. Like, we're fully booked. We are fully booked. Full of bed bugs. It's like fall fest, right? Like, this is a small little strip of land. A lot of people coming in. Also bedbugs, you know, typically don't stay in one room. And he was like, what if I get you a rollaway bed and you can sleep in the room for the night until we figure out what to do in the morning? And so Claire is like, it's 2:00am I don't know what to do. All right? And so she goes back to the room to wait for him to bring the rollaway bed, and nothing happens for, like, 30 minutes. And she's just sitting there in the bathtub, afraid to look at anything. She's, like, curled up in a fetal position, like, please don't bite me anymore. And she's like, this isn't right. It can't take this long. So she opens the door and she looks out, and the poor front desk man is standing listlessly in the middle of the hallway, just turning in 360 circles repeatedly. And she said, are you looking for me? And he said, yes. I didn't know which room you were in, and I didn't want to knock on the door. So he brings in the rollaway bed, and she is just itching up a storm now. She's like, ah.

[Alice]

Ah.

[Brett]

Like, this is. This is terrible. Like, there's stuff all over this room. And so she just for good measure, flips back the bed I would have slept in. And clear as day, two huge bed bugs were right on top of the pillow, and they were moving. Cause the one she saw earlier was dead.

[Alice]

Oh, God.

[Brett]

So she's like, it's possible it's just a dead bug. Oh, God. So that would have been where my was.

[Alice]

Oh, God.

[Brett]

And so she's like, you know what? No, I refuse to sleep in this room. No, no, you take your roll away bed. I'm not, I'm not sleeping in here. And he was like, okay, well I don't know what to do. And she's like, I don't care what you do. Go figure it out. And so he comes back and he's like, okay, I found one room. She's like, fine, take me there. They like leave everything behind. And so they took her to a room on a different floor. And she walks in and she's like. It was the middle of the night and I should have noticed that things were a little strange. For one, this room didn't have a bed. It only had a Murphy bed that was in the wall. That's a strange hotel room. You know, like not your typical hotel room, but whatever. And then she sees a door ajar and she thought, well, perhaps it's a closet door. So she goes to push the door and inside she hears someone say, we're sleeping in here. And the man, the front desk man runs to the door, quickly shuts it and bolts it and says, I'm so sorry. That shouldn't have been open. There really should been red flags at that point. But she's like, I'm so tired. Whatever, I am going to bed. So she pulls the Murphy bed down.

[Alice]

This is like a Mr. Nightmare story.

[Brett]

Falls into bed and she pulls the covers over her head and she falls asleep. But then she's like, what is happening? She goes to the door and the front desk man is there and he's like, you have got to come with me. This room is rented out. We have to go now. And she's like, what are you talking about? I am so tired right now. So she's like, I was like out of my mind. I was trying to make the bed and cover my tracks as if I was in the wrong.

[Alice]

Oh God.

[Brett]

And so they push the Murphy bed back up and she runs out of the room. And she was like. But I like left. I'm pretty sure I left the light on. And they must have been like, what happened last night? So they run down and they're standing at the front desk in the lobby and it's now like 3:30 in the morning. And she's like, I mean you gotta figure out something to do cause I'm really tired. And so he's like, he makes some calls and he goes, okay, I found a room for you. Remember they said that it was completely booked and so she's like, fine, take me there. So she follows him to this room that can only be described as probably where whoever's working the front desk sleeps at night because it is not decorated like the rest of the hotel. It doesn't look like a hotel room. There is a bed in it, but the curtains don't match, the carpets don't match. The. The walls are not meant to be rented out. And she's like, I don't care. Whatever. So she lays down and goes to bed, and she falls asleep. And then she hears, oh, God. And she's like, what? And she opens the door, and the sweet front desk man.

[Alice]

I wouldn't have opened it.

[Brett]

I'd have been like, wants so badly to make this better for her. And he's standing there with a can of Pringles and a bag of pistachios from the mini bar and just hands it to her and walks away. And so at this point, she's like, whatever. And she falls asleep for, like, two hours and then gives me a call. And so I'm like, okay, well, you're telling me this, like, very elaborate story. Surely it's been figured out by this point. She goes, oh, no, no, no. They gave us our new room once the manager came in, and I got checked in. They apologized, they went and washed my clothes, they sprayed my bag. And I was thinking the whole time, claire, you're not coming weekend. Yeah, I don't care.

[Alice]

Unless they got ddt.

[Brett]

Like, I'm really sorry. I love you, but we're gonna have to talk through, like, you know, the Looking Glass. And she's like, So I got my key, and I have slept two hours. I'm so tired. And I go up the elevator, and I go to the door, and I badge in, and I open the door, and there's a girl sitting on the floor, curling her hair. Clearly, the beds have been slept in. Course, there she was very. It was very occupied. And so the girl obviously is a little freaked out and says, may I help you? Then. So Claire immediately backs out, closes the door, goes down the front desk and says, so that room you just gave me, yeah, it's occupied. And they said, are you sure? And she said, unless I'm seeing ghosts, definitely occupied. And they double down and say, but it shows in my records that it's unoccupied. And so at this point, I totally interject. I'm like, we're not gonna stay here. We're gonna drive an hour away because there's no vacancies. Literally no room at the inn for an hour. We're like, we're gonna stay an hour away. And that's all. And so I was trying to look for a place to just put on my dress because I didn't want to put it on at a gas station. I didn't want to put on a ball gown at a gas station. So I got ready at a gas station. Except for the. So I showed up, and I was like. Claire was like, I'm in this locker room. Come get dressed with me. And I was like, okay. So I go up to the front desk, and I said, hi. I'm supposed to stay here tonight. I have a reservation. But I have the room with the problem. So I'm looking for the locker room, and the person working the front desk looked at me and said, what problem? And I'm like, I'm trying so hard not to ruin your business right now. And I was like, the problem. That is a real problem that may have spread to three rooms. And she goes, I don't know what you're talking about. Could you be more specific? And I said, why don't you just show me the locker room? So I go to the locker room, we get changed, I come back out, and the sweet person working the front desk runs after me and says, I know what problem you're talking about now. Delightedly, delightedly. And I just said, okay. And she said, well, we found a room for you, and we're gonna hold it for you. And I said, no, thank you. And she said, are you sure? I said, absolutely. And you probably shouldn't rent it to anybody else either. And then we left and never went back. But it was the best weekend ever.

[Alice]

I'm so glad you had a great time.

[Brett]

But does that happen to anybody else?

[Alice]

No, it's just you and your friends who you curse with. Your brother. Yeah.

[Brett]

Apparently, this has never happened to Claire before.

[Alice]

Have you? Right now, have you ever worked for a hotel? No, See, I have.

[Brett]

Has this ever happened to you? You should have seen this situation.

[Alice]

Never seen that one. So when I was in college, I was looking for a job, and I. I didn't want to be a waiter because those jobs are hard. So I was looking for a job where I can make money, but it wasn't that hard. And there was a local motel, the Jameson Inn, that was hiring, and so I got a job there, and I worked there for, like, two years. And the thing about it was, to save money, there was only one person ever working there. And so if you had the 3 to 11 shift it was just you or the 11 to 7 or the 7 to 3. Whatever you were doing, it was just you. And I tell you what, you saw some stuff, man. I mean, I believe it. The ladies, the night would come in and they would rent rooms.

[Brett]

Was there a room. I'm just curious, was there a room for the front desk?

[Alice]

Okay, so we always kept two rooms available. One was right next door to the front desk. And it had like you described, it had a single bed. So like a cot, basically. And we only rented that room if really for football games because we could sell that room for like 400 bucks on football weekend. So we would do that, but otherwise that room and we had a handicap room that we would only rent to someone who was actually handicapped. So we kept those two open unless there was an emergency such as the one that you had. Because the nightmare for every front desk person, if someone shows up with that problem or more commonly, they have a reservation that's not in the system, and they're like, what do you have a.

[Brett]

Room held at least?

[Alice]

Exactly. And they show you. They're like, I have it. And like, oh, shoot, we're sold out. Oh, well, we got one with a. We got a single bed, you know, and thing, I'll tell you. So I used to rip people off all the time. So like we would get bonuses. It's funny, I wouldn't get them, but my manager wouldn't. I'm like a good employee, right? So stupid. Probably reason Jameson and is no longer in business was their incentive structure. So you got bonuses if your average rental was over a certain amount. So like if, like price. Yeah, price.

[Brett]

So like it's like game theory.

[Alice]

So if your average price was like $90 a room, you got a bonus. If it was below that, you wouldn't. Now this is stupid because when we cleaned rooms, the person cleaning it, they took 12 minutes to clean it. That was the standard. Takes 12 minutes to clean a room in a motel. So that means if that person is making, let's be generous and say like $15 an hour, right? I mean, basically a quarter of an hour to clean it. So the cost to rent a room is like five bucks, right? So you're making money on that room if you rent it for really any price. So the profit maximization would be rent the room. So if someone comes in, for instance, and says, hey, I want a room, and you say $90, and they're like, I ain't doing 90, I'll do 75. The profit maximization would be to do that but the incentive structure for the employees was to say, sorry, can't do it. So they leave. They don't rent the room. You could rent five rooms, or you could rent one room. If you rented one room for a hundred dollars, that would get you a bonus.

[Brett]

Whereas if you rented five at 75, no bonus. Interesting.

[Alice]

All the rooms, you could sell the place out in $75, no bonus. Ridiculous. Stupid. But I was like, okay, this is kind of like when I worked for the government, I was a census enumerator. Have I told you about this?

[Brett]

Yes, you have.

[Alice]

Yeah. And so just briefly, in case I've mentioned anybody. So when I worked for the census bureau in high school, the way it worked was you were expected to do eight houses an hour. And if you did eight an hour, you got like top marks. So I figured out, okay, so to do an eight hour day, which is the most you could do, I have to hit 64 houses. Is that eight times eight?

[Brett]

Yeah. Okay, good job, good math.

[Alice]

To do 64 houses. So I would do 64 houses in like two hours and then just do eight hours. And I would go in for my check them, they'd be like, you're doing so great. You're right on the number we want you to be on. I'd be like, thank you so much. So I'm getting paid for eight hours, so two hours of work, right? So I did this all the time. So there I was, like, I figured it out. So if you came into the hotel, and this is a recommendation for you if you are ever looking for a hotel room. If you came into my hotel and you asked for a room, like, hey, I need a king. I'm like, I got one. Great. Here's my credit card. You got charged like 120 for a room because you didn't ask the price. So I charged you whatever I wanted to. And I use that to offset. If someone came in and bargained with me, if you bargained with me, it worked. Like if you came in and said, hey, I want a room, how much is it? $100. I ain't paying $100. Do 75. I would say, okay. And then I would offset that with the people who didn't ask, right? So those people would get charged more for their room than the people who asked. So if you asked, you got lower. And so that way my numbers are always way higher than everybody else. Like my average.

[Brett]

You were just ripping people off who handed you their credit cards. You scammer.

[Alice]

Absolutely. I mean, you know, whatever. I can charge you Whatever, right? I mean, like, so. So that's what I would do. I loved working that place, man. It was so much fun. So the ladies and I would come in and they would rid a room, and they would always give you, like, a little extra, right? I'll give you a 20.

[Brett]

Or they would, what, you, like, 20.

[Alice]

Like, slide across the bar?

[Brett]

No, they wouldn't. Is that so you wouldn't report them?

[Alice]

Yeah, because they're like. So I would sit there. So had these cameras, and I would sit there and just watch, like, the men come in and out of their rooms, right? Because they're. They're doing their business, right? Like, so the men would just come in and out. Had one. The weirdest one ever was these two people came in and you were supposed to give an id. If you're going to pay in cash, you were supposed to give an id. And I often wouldn't make people do that, especially the ladies. I wouldn't make them do that. But, like, these people was like, hey, yeah, I need an id. And they're like, oh, we'll bring you one. And they never did bring me one. I didn't think about it, you know, Next day comes, we go in, no people. There's just blood everywhere. Whole room's covered in blood.

[Brett]

Wait, what?

[Alice]

Whole room is covered in blood. We called the cops. Cops came in. No idea what happened, no idea where they went, no idea if anybody died. I mean, it was just, like, crazy. And, like, I gave, like, a description of the people, but I didn't because I didn't get their id. I kind of got in trouble for not getting their id, but because I didn't get their id, I didn't know who they were.

[Brett]

You end up with a bloody room and not get fired.

[Alice]

Oh, I was the best employee. My rates were so much higher than everybody else. Like. Like, I'm like, yeah, they loved it.

[Brett]

So messed up.

[Babbel Advertiser]

I'd get.

[Alice]

I do anything I wanted. And the one thing I remember, we had these fresh, hot cookies. And so. So I'd make the cookies for people, right? But the cookies came in these. These, like, jugs, right? And they were like little circles of dough. Man, that dough was so good. So I would just sit there, like.

[Brett]

A little Easy Bake Oven underneath your cash register.

[Alice]

We had a little Easy Bake Oven. And so I would make the cookies because we'd have cookies every. Every hour. Supposed to have fresh cookies, right? So I take my bucket out, I'd eat, like 30 little circles of cookie dough. I'd make, like, 10. I mean, I just ate that cookie dough. Like, it was going out of style. I loved it. It was so good.

[Brett]

They were like, man, our cookies are killing it here.

[Alice]

Oh, it's great. I remember one time, there's a tornado. Tornado came. And so, like, all the people who were there, like, came to the lobby, and they're like, there's a tornado warning. And I'm like, yeah, you know, if it hits it, we're all gonna die. But, I mean, there's nothing we can do about it, right? And they were totally freaked out. And I was like, why y' all freaked out? It's probably not gonna hit here. And they're like, but what if it does? It's like, what do you want me to do? Like, we're in a hotel. There's no basement.

[Brett]

I can make you some cookies.

[Alice]

Yeah, there's no basement. What do you want to do? Like, if the tornado hits this building, we are going to die.

[Brett]

Like, you're like our bedbug guy. Yeah.

[Alice]

The chances of that are small. Very small. Very small. Anyways, that was my experience at the hotel.

[Brett]

Oh, it was good. Well, look at that. We already hit 30 minutes. Wow. This has been great. We've now been talking for two and a half hours. Guys, thank you for sticking around. Do you see how, like, almost everyone stuck around? How awesome is that?

[Alice]

Did we ever figure out what we do at the end of these? No, I like the. He's. He's out. Oh, wait, he's Brett. She's Alice.

[Brett]

Okay.

[Alice]

So, you know. Have you ever watched Lazy Masquerade? Of course you have.

[Brett]

No.

[Alice]

On YouTube. Pisses me off because he, like, sort of has. He doesn't really use it, but he's sort of got a tagline that's like, the best things happen after dark.

[Brett]

I'm like, man, if you hadn't done.

[Alice]

That, we would totally do that. Right? But he did it. So now I feel like if we say that, we're like, I know.

[Brett]

Well, we'll see.

[Alice]

Like, nothing good happens after dark. We could say that.

[Brett]

But it's like, nothing good happened after dark. That is true.

[Alice]

Okay, well, fine, we'll say that. You say, he's Brett, I'll say, she's Alice, and I'll say, nothing good happens.

[Brett]

Oh, and I. I like that you said you were gonna say it, because everyone would believe it if you said it. You ladies of the night, how does it start?

[Alice]

So do I start? I say, she's out. Yeah, you say, I'm not saying nothing could happen. So dark.

[Brett]

Yep. Yeah.

[Alice]

All right. Anyways. Okay. Well, guys, this has been the prosecutor's After Dark. Hope you enjoyed this non true crime discussion. So we do here because we love telling you random things. You're our favorite people. The people who listen to these episodes. Our favorite people. Hope you enjoy this. If you have topics you want us to discuss, we'll talk about anything. So send it.

[Brett]

As Today shows.

[Alice]

As Today shows. Yeah, we'll just tell you all our deep, dark secrets. But our former scams, which are all beyond the statute of limitations. Okay, well, this has been fun. We'll talk to you guys soon. But until then, she's Alice and he's Brett. Nothing good happens After Dark.

[Brett]

Sam.

[Numerica Credit Union Advertiser]

Meet Olivia.

[Brett]

Hey, what's up?

[Numerica Credit Union Advertiser]

Olivia dreams big.

[Brett]

I want to go back to school and get a pet and buy a house and save for retirement and travel the world.

[Numerica Credit Union Advertiser]

That's quite the list.

[Brett]

Thank you.

[Numerica Credit Union Advertiser]

Numerica Credit Union is the first perfect partner to help turn Olivia's dreams into reality.

[Brett]

Really?

[Babbel Advertiser]

Yep.

[Numerica Credit Union Advertiser]

We're all about helping our members create a life that feels like theirs. And we have the tools, expertise, and guidance to make it happen.

[Brett]

I'm in.

[VRBO Advertiser]

Let's get started.

[Numerica Credit Union Advertiser]

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