← The Psychology of your 20s
Loading summary
Transcript40 lines
- [00:00]
Jon Stewart
Jon Stewart is back at the Daily show and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with the Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors, and with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
- [00:38]
Oz Velozian
Do you want to see into the future? Do you want to understand an invisible force that's shaping your life? Do you want to experience the frontiers of what makes us human? On tech stuff, we travel from the mines of Congo to the surface of Mars, from conversations with Nobel Prize winners to the depths of TikTok to ask burning questions about technology, from high tech to low cult and everywhere in between. Join us Listen to tech stuff on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
- [01:09]
Cara Price
Welcome to My Legacy. I'm Martin Luther King III and together with my wife, Andrea Waters King, and our dear friends Mark and Craig Kilburger, we explore the personal journeys that shape extraordinary lives. Join us for heartfelt conversations with remarkable guests like David Oyeloh, Mel Robbins, Martin Sheen, Dr. Sanjay Gupta and Billy Porter.
- [01:30]
Tisha Allen
Listen to My legacy on the iHeartra Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
- [01:35]
Cara Price
This is My Legacy.
- [01:39]
Tisha Allen
You are cordially invited to the hottest party in professional sports. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour, tips to help improve your swing, and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club. Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart woman's fourth production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to welcome to the Party that's P A R T E e on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts.
- [02:20]
Cara Price
Hello everybody. Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners, wherever you are in the world, it is so great to have you here back for another episode. As we of course break down the psychology of our twenties, I would like to extend an official welcome to the final episode of 2024. And honestly, what a year it has been. Like, what an insane, massive, phenomenal year for the podcast and for me as well. So I just want to Start by expressing my gratitude and having a little quick chat about what we have done. The biggest thing for me this year was, of course, announcing my book, announcing that I wrote a book basically based on this podcast called Person in Progress, and it does not pass me by a single day that there would be no way in this world that I would have had the opportunity to write that book without you guys, without the listeners and the support that you have given me. And this year, so much of 2024 was focused on writing that book, making it the best possible, most scientific, most researched, but also personal, vulnerable story that I could make it. And there were so many, like, long nights, you know, up till 1 2am waking up at 8am the following morning, working the whole day to write this book and make it good. And it was such an obsessive passion project for me that there is no way that it couldn't not define this year. And then next year is probably going to be defined by the fact that it's going to be released. It comes out in April 2025, and I feel like that's just going to be an equally surreal moment. But for now, I am just planning my feet where I am and reminiscing on what an insane journey that was. Honestly, I was speaking to, like, my family about this today. I was like, I can't believe I wrote almost a hundred thousand words this year, plus every. All the other writing that I did for the podcast. But it was just such a mammoth exercise. Like, it's, you know, there's just so many opportunities in this life where we really get to test ourselves and see how much we are capable of and how hard we can work. And so, you know, often we don't actually take those opportunities. Like, when was the last time you really tested yourself and gave yourself a real massive thing to work towards? And that was, like, something that I did this year. So I'm very, very proud of that. I'm very, very grateful for the opportunity. Another insane, crazy, beautiful thing we did this year was we held our first two meetups, our first two friendship meetups for the podcast. We had one in July in Sydney, which was the inaugural meetup, and it just went so well. So if you attended, thank you for being my guinea pigs, but I also feel like we all had such an amazing time. And then we held our second one in October. October. Yeah, October in Melbourne. And that was just equally fulfilling. And actually, that was where I announced the book for the first time. So the people in that room, all 75 of them, were the first ones to hear about it. My heart was so full after each of those experiences. So many, like, hours. And I would say anxiety and stress went into creating them because I wanted it to be, like, value for money. But I also wanted to make sure that it was fun and that people really wanted to be there and got something out of it. And as soon as, like, I stepped into that room and you guys all started coming, I was like, wow. Like, this community is just, like, literally speechless, even trying to explain the memory. Like, just beautiful. Beyond beautiful. Intelligent, kind, generous. Every single person who came to those meetups was, like, the most impressive person, the most interesting person, the most creative person I had ever met. And that was just such a beautiful thing to be able to witness and to be able to bring everyone together. So if you were at one of those two meetups, thank you so much for coming along. Even when there wasn't much prior information about it, you really were the test subjects. But that means that next year we will be doing 10 of those meetups, not just in Australia, but across the world. We're going to be starting in Canberra, we're going to do another one in Sydney, another one in Melbourne, we're going to do one in Queensland, and then we're heading over to the UK and to Europe and also to the us. Hopefully we can bring it to more places later on in the year. But we're going slow. We're taking baby steps with this. But I'm just so excited for that and I'm so excited for what 2025 is going to bring. So, with all of my overwhelming gratitude aside, I want to introduce you to our theme for 2025. So long term, listeners of the podcast will know that each year I'd like to choose a theme, a theme for the year, a theme, an attitude, basically, for what we're going to bring into 2025. So 2024, it was our year for taking risks. And 2025, it is our year for fully trusting ourselves. Now, the opposite of anxiety is trust. And so what this theme really means for me this year is allowing ourselves to be scared, allowing ourselves to be uncomfortable, allowing ourselves to feel anxiety about the future, about our circumstances, and. And trusting ourselves anyway, almost being delusional and how much we trust ourselves and our path. That is an amazing power to have. And we're going to talk about it more in just a second. But to explain the reason, firstly, as to why I like to choose a theme instead of a goal or a New Year's resolution, it's Because a theme to me applies to everything. So it's a mindset, it's an attitude, it's an approach, it's a lens through which you can see your whole life, not just one goal at a time. So instead of having to set, you know, a goal for every area of my life, a professional goal, a relationship goal, a financial goal, a personal goal, a health goal, whatever it is, instead you prioritize one larger idea that influences all of these elements at once. And by doing so, you don't have to be a stretch thin trying to accomplish five to 10 individual things. You know, all of your attention is going to be focused on aligning your behavior with the theme of trusting yourself, going after what you want, deciding what is and what isn't for you, and knowing that you can pursue that even when it scares you. I think that's a really, really powerful mindset to have. And this idea works much better for me, this perspective, this method. Especially since our brains have such finite cognitive resources and we really struggle with attention and sometimes with motivation. So instead, when I say I am someone who trusts myself, or I say I am someone who takes risks, or whatever your theme is for the year, it stretches a lot wider. It reaches new areas. And I really do find that the transformation in my life is deeper. So, yes, that is my basic premise or explanation for this way of going about things and why this is how I approach the new year. I think, obviously this is also a time when we can really galvanize ourselves around something new and a fresh, purposeful philosophy on life because of the emotional and mental significance of new beginnings, especially for our brains. And there is this theory in psychology called the fresh start effect, which basically explains how, when you think about it, rather arbitrary landmarks, like a new year or a birthday or a new job, a new season, it really motivates us to break away from past habits because it gives the impression of a blank slate. And yes, the new year is really just one day. You know, it's just a day and another day and another day. It's just we have put these human ideas around time passing, but that is significant enough. And a 2015 study that really examined this and examined this across five laboratory experiments, and it found consistently that when humans are given this idea of a new beginning or a new time period, it really increases our intentions to pursue our goals and ultimately our success in achieving them. So this is your time. This is when to start. This is when to take up a new theme. So, without further ado, let's talk about why this year is going to be your year for fully trusting yourself. Firstly, let's start off by really examining what self trust looks like. Self trust is firstly, not having all the answers. Self trust is not arrogance or ego. It is instead a deep belief in your ability to encounter problems and get through them, but also an equally deep belief that you know what your life should look like, you know what you want from your life and you are so sure of it that you are willing to go after it despite what other people might believe, despite the naysayers. Essentially, self trust to me is the opposite of self doubt. You know, where self doubt might call you a fraud and might say you're not capable of this, you're not ready, you can't possibly handle this. Self trust is something even greater than confidence, it's steadiness, it's self assurance. You can look at a challenge, say for example, an uncertain future which a lot of us in our 20s are dealing with, or a new job or a big move, and you can confidently say, I actually don't know how this is going to work out, but I trust the future version of myself that to do what's best and to handle it, therefore that allows you to take the leap. I think there's this incredible article by Psychology Today that explains the roots of self trust and they just put it so well. And what they basically explain is that when we look at examples of people who are self trusting, we find that they have clarity and confidence in their choices. They are healthily dependent on other people's, while other people whilst also independent. So they're not overly dependent on other people, but they're also not hyper independent. They speak with authority that comes from a very deep place, but is not arrogant. They are good observers and they have also, and this is critical, cultivated the ability to learn from their experiences, both the successes and failures. And I think we can acknowledge why that's so important. When we don't have self trust, we feel very much pulled by other people's opinions and judgments or we feel very much dictated by failure, or we rely too heavily on external validation. So what that means is that what someone else thinks about me or thinks is right for me must be the truth because my internal validation system is damaged or it's left me. So I see this a lot actually, especially amongst those of us in our 20s, because given our age, I do feel like we sometimes believe that we don't have full authority over our lives because we're so young and we're just getting started. And also we're so confused. So we're looking for someone to say, actually, no, you're wrong. Let me show you how to do it. And we're like, thank God, thank gosh, someone's gonna tell me what to do. And one way this manifests is when you have to make a really important decision. And you may ask every single person in your what they think. What do you think? Should I do this? Should I not do this? Should I go? Should I stay? Please give me the answers. And yet you are still confused or you still feel like despite all this additional information that's coming from people's opinions, you still can't act. Because at the end of the day, a decision is yours to make. Even if other people are saying, you have to do this, you should do this. This is what I think is best for you. You are still the one who makes the decision, and you are still the one that will have to carry the burden, the potential burden of that being the wrong decision. So it's not the decision that you fear. You fear change and you fear not being able to handle any unexpected consequences of your choices. I also see it when we don't want to step out of our comfort zone because we are scared of not being able to manage it alone. I honestly believe that a lack of self trust is why so many of us stay in relationships. And that includes friendships that aren't fulfilling because we don't think that we can trust ourselves to be happy alone. Think about, you know, relationships in your life currently where you know that the relationship isn't actually fulfilling. It's not a fun relationship. It drains your energy. You feel like you let out a huge sigh of relief every time the hangout ends or you feel anxious every time you see them. But we hold on to those relationships because we don't trust ourselves to be alone. We don't trust ourselves to handle the emotions of having to let the relationship go. It all comes down to this sense of self doubt. Who am I without other people dictating my character? A lack of self trust is also why we don't take risks like pursuing our passion, even if it's, you know, a side project or solo traveling. Because we don't feel like we can trust ourselves to figure things out that we don't yet know and be adaptable. So when it comes down to it, we can see that this actually filters into every element of our lives. And it might be why it might be at the root, actually of a lot of our indecisiveness, our stagnation, Our fear. Think about, just for a second, how many situations come up for us nearly every day in our 20s and beyond, really, that require a baseline of self trust to accomplish. And I'm going to give you a little list here. Choosing a major at university or college or a career, asking for a promotion. Setting boundaries, standing up for yourself. Making big purchases or saving or investing. Trusting that you know what's best for your body and your health. Making risky decisions, even deciding what's worth your energy. That all, all those decisions require you to be able to look in the mirror and say, hey, you might not know all the answers, but I trust that you're going to figure it out. So do what feels best. I trust you. FOMO is another one actually that just came to the top of my mind just then. FOMO comes into this big time. If you don't have self trust, you may be more easily convinced that you have to be where everyone else is doing what they are, even when that might not suit you because you don't feel confident or safe in your own choices or your own company. So we say self trust and we think it's a small thing, but it really does touch our lives in a much deeper way. And there's actually a theory in psychology called trust theory which says that trusting ourselves is what allows us to trust others, our friends, our family, our colleagues. And that is a prerequisite for so many other things. Trust. I don't know, I really don't know why it doesn't get more attention. It's so important to be a well functioning human. And a really great study that talks about this was published in 2012 from Huntington University in the US and it talks about the correlation between self esteem, loneliness and self trust. And they found that when you are low on self trust, you also experience loneliness more intensely. Your self esteem is lower and you feel more anxious about your relationships. This was totally me, maybe like six or seven years back. I was in the pit of this. I, I had absolutely no trust in myself. I was so doubtful of every single thing I did. And I kind of approached relationships, friendships in particular. Kind of like a little injured bird being like, please like me and if you don't like me, don't worry, I'll change for you. Like I have no strong self concept because I don't know who I am and I don't trust myself to figure it out. So I was very like bendable and easily manipulated by friendships because I really did not believe that I knew what was best for me and I did not believe that I could feel like I was okay without someone else telling me that I was okay. So there's a little personal story for you. However, you know, if our theme this year is to reverse our lack of self trust, we probably, you know, you firstly really need to know what damages it in the first place and then how to really, you know, undo those interactions, those emotional interactions, the emotional trauma that has caused you to really have a lot of self doubt. So I'm going to take a quick pause and then when we return, I want to talk about the roots of our lack of self trust and how to rebuild it. After this short break.
- [20:39]
Jon Stewart
Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at the Daily show, which means he's also back in our ears on the Daily show earzone Edition Podcast the Daily show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to the Daily show here's edition on the iHeartrade app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
- [21:18]
Oz Velozian
Do you want to understand an invisible force that's shaping your life? I'm Os Velozian, one of the new hosts of the long running podcast Tech Stuff. I'm slightly skeptical but obsessively intrigued.
- [21:29]
Cara Price
And I'm Cara Price, the other new.
- [21:31]
Tisha Allen
Host, and I'm ready to adopt early.
- [21:34]
Oz Velozian
And often on tech stuff. We travel all the way from the mines of Congo to the surface of Mars to the dark corners of TikTok to ask and attempt to answer burning questions about technology.
- [21:45]
Cara Price
One of the kind of tricks for.
- [21:46]
Tisha Allen
Surviving Mars is to live there long.
- [21:48]
Cara Price
Enough so that people evolve into Martians. Like data is a very rough proxy for a complex reality. How is it possible that the world's new energy revolution can be based in this place where there's no electricity at night?
- [22:02]
Tisha Allen
Oz and I will cut through the noise to bring you the best conversations and deep dives that will help you.
- [22:07]
Cara Price
Understand how tech is changing our world.
- [22:10]
Tisha Allen
And what you need to know to survive the singularity.
- [22:12]
Oz Velozian
So join us, Listen to tech stuff on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
- [22:18]
Cara Price
The forces shaping markets and the economy.
- [22:20]
Tisha Allen
Are often hiding behind a blur of numbers. So that's why we created the Big Take from Bloomberg Podcasts to give you the context you need to make sense of it all. Every day in just 15 minutes, we.
- [22:32]
Oz Velozian
Dive into one global business story that matters.
- [22:34]
Tisha Allen
You'll hear from Bloomberg journalists like Matt Levine.
- [22:37]
Jon Stewart
A lot of this meme stock stuff.
- [22:39]
Cara Price
Is, I think, embarrassing to the Sec.
- [22:42]
Tisha Allen
Amanda Mull, who writes our BusinessWeek Buying Power column.
- [22:45]
Cara Price
Very few companies who go viral are, like, totally prepared for what that means.
- [22:50]
Tisha Allen
And Zoe Tillman, senior legal reporter. Courts are not supposed to decide elections. Courts are not really supposed to play a big role in choosing our election leaders. It's for the voters to decide.
- [23:05]
Cara Price
Follow the Big Take podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen.
- [23:10]
Tisha Allen
Welcome. My name is Paola Pedrosa, a medium and the host of the Ghost Therapy podcast, where it's not just about connecting with deceased loved ones. It's about learning through them and their new perspective. Join me on the Ghost Therapy podcast.
- [23:28]
Cara Price
Whoa. My lights in my living room just flickered. I'm a little nervous. I'm excited. I'm excited nervous. You know, I'm a very spiritual person, so I'm like, I'm ready and open.
- [23:41]
Tisha Allen
That was amazing. I feel so grateful right now. I got to speak to my great grandmother, Abuela, and she gave me a lot of really good advice that I'm gonna have to really think about. Wow.
- [23:52]
Cara Price
Okay. That's crazy. Yes, that is accurate.
- [23:58]
Tisha Allen
Listen to the Ghost Therapy podcast as part of the My Cultura Podcast network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
- [24:11]
Cara Price
So the theory with self trust goes that we are all born with an internal compass. And this internal emotional compass is really what allows us to direct our life by following our north. And our north is something that really develops as children and then into our teenage years. And it's basically our purpose, what we want from life, our values, our truth. Along the way, though, the compass is really thrown off by things like excessive criticism from family, from friends, from people in general, overbearing parental pressure as well, especially, you know, when our parents don't allow us to be individuals and they keep us emotionally and physically dependent on them by making all our choices for us or shaming us for doing something counter to what they want. Self trust is also damaged by internal patterns, like people pleasing, a fear of failure, perfectionism, essentially, meaning that we don't really feel like we can meet our own standards or that letting ourselves be in control of our lives could mean that we would make major mistakes. I also want to talk about the influence of past relationship betrayal and, you know, separately ignoring our intuition and how those two Sometimes come together. So past relationship trauma and betrayal can significantly harm our sense of self trust because these experiences often disrupt our ability to accurately interpret and rely on our judgments and instincts. You know, gaslighting is a big component of this. But when someone we trusted deceives or hurts us, it creates a real deep sense of confusion and self blame. And it leads us to really question our ability to discern red flags, to make safe choices, to protect ourselves emotionally. Big caveat here. None of this is actually our fault, literally not a single part. But this external erosion of trust in others makes us believe that it is. It makes us very hyper vigilant. It makes us doubtful of our own perceptions. You know, it's honestly one of the craziest things to me in my mind is that love is such a beautiful thing that when it is used cruelly and when it is turned sour, how much it can hurt someone. And that is really what betrayal does. And it doesn't just hurt our heart, it hurts our entire perception of self. And that betrayal often triggers feelings of shame, worthlessness, inadequacy. And that further distances us from the confidence we need to trust our own decisions. Over time as well, Repeated relational trauma can really embed within us a belief that we are incapable of navigating relationships effectively. And that perpetuates a cycle of self doubt and a fear of vulnerability as well. So if you're really struggling to trust yourself, sometimes the origin of that is really in a past relationship where of course you were made to feel like, you know, of course I can't trust myself because look at how this turned out. This person has just treated me so poorly that I have no sense of self anymore. It's a really big contributor. Ignoring our intuition is another component of this. And that's not necessarily ignoring our intuition in a relationship, but in everyday situations that also erode self trust. I read this really beautiful quote. Intuition is our birthright as humans. It comes with our DNA, it comes with our blueprint. And a 2016 study really showed that. And it showed that when you and I have gut instincts about something, it's actually because our brains are processing a lot more information subconsciously than we can think about consciously. So when, for example, you have a gut feeling, you know, you meet someone, you're like, I don't think you're a nice person, I think you're a bad egg, or you're in this situation, you get that sudden feeling of like, I shouldn't be here, I shouldn't be here. Something about this is wrong. I Need to go. That is something that oftentimes you really should trust. However, when you continuously ignore that intuition, you tell your brain that what it's doing isn't useful and how you perceive the world is wrong. Anxiety also comes into play here. Obviously, anxiety is the opposite of trust. And so anxiety really messes with our intuition. It says, wait, you should be scared right now. You should be scared right now. And you know, the more rational part of your brain is like, there's nothing to be scared of. I trust myself. Like, this is so fine. But your brain's like, no, no, no, be anxious, be anxious, be anxious. It's messing with your intuition. Anxiety opposite of self trust. Intuition, huge important part of self trust. So over time, this can lead to self doubt, second guessing, and an inability to really confidently make decisions. So psychologically, this disconnection fosters a lot of confusion and we become less attuned to our instincts, but also our needs. So repeatedly silencing our intuition can also diminish our self efficacy. And that is our belief in our ability to handle challenges or to, you know, create the outcome that we want. And that's really critical for personal growth and resilience. You need self efficacy if you want to do anything, if you want to, you know, run a marathon, if you want to finish a really huge personal project, anything, any change in your lifestyle, you actually have to believe that you are able to do something and able to achieve what you set your mind to. But if you lack self trust, of course you're not going to be able to believe that. And if your intuition is off, if you keep ignoring the signs that you should be doing something, that this is your calling or that you can do it, or ignoring your intuition saying, go this way, go that way. All of this is really, really connected. I hope that's been persuasive for you. But, and I hope you understand that relationship better now. If you are struggling with self trust, I really think that it's probably something that has been diminished slowly over time until you are at a point now where instinct, intuition, confidence, self efficacy, they have all been replaced with doubt. So that being said, going into 2025, how can we reverse some of these processes and really reclaim our intuition and our self assurance? If this is the year for trusting yourself, I think that firstly, you really are going to have to prove it to yourself, prove that you can. And that's going to require some experimentation, some trial and error, and pushing yourself into a place of discomfort, not into a place of danger, but into a place where you can truly grow. I really believe this. Self trust is actually a skill. It's a muscle that can be built with practice and commitment to almost a routine. And the routine I'm talking, talking about is an emotional routine. As a psychological routine. It involves taking chances that feel big and important and showing yourself that like the outcome that you want is what will come from this. So how do I want you to practice proving to yourself that you can trust yourself? I want you to start saying yes to things that you might not quite feel ready to do instead of waiting for the perfect time. Because perfect time is a fallacy. It never actually comes. And what I still want you to see is, you know, win or fail, win or lose, success or failure, whatever it is, you are still going to be okay. You will still survive every single time, even if things aren't perfect. So let me give you some examples of how we can practice this in 2025. How we can make self trust part of our routine so a big one and every single one of us can do this is to go to things alone, even if you're scared or even if it could be a disaster. So you get invited to a party, go by yourself. You really want to go to an event, you don't know anyone. Go by yourself. There's a movie that no one else wants to see with you. Go by yourself, go out for dinner by yourself. There's a lot of fear around that. Sometimes, especially if you're someone who is quite socially anxious like myself, there's a lot of fear. Am I going to be able to handle this? What if someone looks at me the wrong way? What if someone judges me? Doesn't matter. You trust yourself. This is your year for trusting yourself. And someone who trusts themselves would be okay with going into that situation, not knowing what other people are thinking, not knowing how it's going to work out, knowing that they're still going to have fun and get what they want out of it. Out of it by being alone. Another way that you can really make self trust part of your routine is to confront a big fear that you have this year. It could be of public speaking, of traveling alone, going on a blind date, of flying, of being embarrassed, of going to the gym. What is the fear that you have in your mind right now? Just think about it really quickly. That is holding you back so you really don't know how you'll react and how brave and strong you can be until you face a fear and you see how your reaction will surprise you. The anxiety that we feel in regards to a big fear is normally actually anticipation. And then when you get there, when you get into the moment of your fear, yes, it might be uncomfortable, yes it might not go your way. But actually a lot of our anxiety tends to fade and the adrenaline takes over. And you get to see yourself adapt. You get to see yourself in all of your glory, face a fear and come out of it. And what that really requires is also leaving room for the mess of trusting yourself. Now this is really, this is a really important component. And I have to thank an article from well and Good for this. And they interviewed a really amazing author called Liz Moody who wrote the book 100 Ways to Change youe Life. Really good book, also amazing. It's on like one of my, probably one of my top 10 books. And she made this incredible point about self trust. She said, doing what you think is right for you isn't always going to be a clean process. In learning to trust yourself, you will make painful mistakes. You will have to give up on things. You will have to let things go. But as you learn disappointing people, closing certain chapters of your life, making mistakes, you realize that those are all important parts of trusting yourself. And sometimes that might feel like a really big loss to bear, right? Sometimes you might be like, ah, I really don't have it in me right now to experience failure or to lose a friendship or to stand up for myself. That's a totally normal reaction. But you will never build self trust if you don't just try step by step, baby steps at a time to encounter situations where you don't know how things are going to go, where there is fear there, and choose trust over doubt. The more risks you take in service of trusting yourself, the more reinforcement you'll get as well. And the more that you'll realize that this is an exercise that is worthwhile. So even when the decisions don't always work out, it's still actually a really valuable exercise. It's basically building an internal sense of like okayness, like this is going to be fine. And this really brings me to my next point, which is intuition, which is to really examine when your intuition is gut instinct and when it is anxiety, when is it actually not intuition, but it's just fear. So I think that a really great way to think about intuition is that intuition isn't just something that is in us to avoid things. It's not just an avoidance technique. Intuition is also something that guides us to abundance. So all of us have this intuition somewhere around us that we should be doing something that There is something calling us, that there is a purpose that we have, that we should be volunteering more, we should be creating more, we should be writing more, we should be saying yes to more things, intuition comes in that form as well. It's guiding you to something that's important for who you are. Don't ignore it. Don't listen to the anxious thought that's giving you a reason to doubt your positive intuition. And with your negative intuition, test and see what times is that just anxiety? And what times is it actually a gut instinct? When could I have pushed forward a little bit and really got to the bottom of whether this was my intuition telling me what to do or whether it was just fear? That's a really important challenge. And I would also challenge you to start reconsidering your need for the approval of others or the validation of your choices. So if you have a positive intuition or a positive gut instinct towards a decision, telling you to do something, telling you to make a big change, to move somewhere, to create something, to dump someone, whatever it is, I don't think that you need others to tell you that you're right. Because chances are that if you have that feeling, you already know that this is what you should be doing. And sometimes we bury ourselves again in getting as many of the opinions of others and the advice from others. We do that because we don't want to make a decision. But if your gut instinct is saying this is something that's really calling me, you've got to do it. Also, these people who give you their advice, right? They're not the ones who have to encounter the decision, right? They don't actually have to pull the trigger the way that you do. They also probably aren't as invested in this as you are. They probably don't know you as well as you know yourself. They might believe they know what's best for you, but you actually know what's best for you. That's part of self trust. So what that involves is, yes, making decisions without getting a million pieces of advice from everyone, from your best friend to your neighbor to some stranger, like just do what feels best for you, but also just slowly testing that by wearing outfits without, you know, asking if your friends like them, buying the things that you want to buy without asking someone else whether it looks cute, making career choices without first needing to ask everyone whether it's a good idea. Obviously we all love feedback, but when you're going after excessive feedback, it can also be a form of avoidance. Avoidance is not self trust, and that is Our year. Our year is for self trust. So 2025. In summary, your theme is your year for trusting yourself. And what that really means is releasing the need for external validation, tapping into your positive intuition that is telling you this is where you need to be, this is where you need to go. Knowing that you can survive being uncomfortable, knowing that you can survive being uncertain and just seriously living. For you, it's a new year, it's a blank page, it's a fresh start. And I know that's rather arbitrary, but sometimes we need the arbitrary idea of a new chapter to really commit to a new mindset and a new lifestyle. And I hope that this is one that really resonates with you. If your year for fully trusting yourself is not the theme that suits you, I really also implore you to come up with your own. It could be your year for self discipline. It could be your year for taking risks. If that wasn't the one that you took on last year. It could be your year for gratitude. It could be your year for saying yes. It could be your year for eliminating people pleasing. What is your theme and how does it touch every area of your life? Write it on a piece of paper. Write it real big. Have it on your desk, have it in your car. Have it at your, you know, place of work, anywhere on your mirror so that you can fully embrace how a theme will touch every single part of your year. Thank you so much for listening and thank you so much for your support in 2024. 2025 is about to be a wild year. I can't wait to meet more of you, speak to you, hear your journeys. I just. That's like my favorite part about this. You guys just inspire me. So much so I can't wait for more of that. I can't wait for you guys to read my books. Can't wait for more episodes. And also next episode. I have a big surprise, a huge surprise. So if you have made it this far, I really want you to tune in because it's just like the craziest thing I've ever done. As always, if you enjoyed this episode, make sure that you are following along on Spotify or Apple podcasts wherever you are listening. It's a new year, so maybe think about leaving us a five star review so more people can find us in 2025. Of course, only if you feel called to do so, but we really do appreciate it. Share this episode on Instagram. Share it with your friends. Share it with your partner. Share it with someone else who you think really needs to begin trusting themselves, whoever that may be. And until next time, stay safe, be kind, be gentle with yourself, and we will talk very, very soon. Happy New Year. This year I've been really rethinking my relationship with alcohol and so I decided to commit to Dry January to really kick start 2025 and just test myself. Heineken 00 is the perfect companion for Dry January because you feel like you're still participating when you're out for dinner with friends, out for drinks, whilst you're still meeting your lifestyle goals. I'm a big beer fan, so I also love the taste of Heineken 00 plus being alcohol free. You can enjoy whenever refreshment calls. Heineken 00 is available at your local Heineken retailer or for delivery@heineken.com you must be 21+ to purchase. Enjoy Heineken responsibly and good luck with Dry January.
- [42:14]
Jon Stewart
Catch Jon Stewart back in action on the Daily show and in your ears with the Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
- [42:48]
Oz Velozian
Do you want to see into the future? Do you want to understand an invisible force that's shaping your life? Do you want to experience the frontiers of what makes us human? On tech stuff, we travel from the mines of Congo to the surface of Mars, from conversations with Nobel Prize winners to the depths of TikTok to ask burning questions about technology, from high tech to low culture and everywhere in between. Join us Listen to tech stuff on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
- [43:18]
Cara Price
Welcome to My Legacy. I'm Martin Luther King III and together with my wife Andrea Waters King, and our dear friends Craig Kilberger, we explore the personal journeys that shape extraordinary lives. Join us for heartfelt conversations with remarkable guests like David Oyelo, Mel Robbins, Martin Sheen, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, and Billy Porter.
- [43:40]
Tisha Allen
Listen to My legacy on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
- [43:45]
Cara Price
This is my Legacy.