Podcast Summary: The Psychology of Your 20s – Episode 313: Confidence is a Skill, Not a Trait

Host: Gemma Sbeg
Release Date: July 15, 2025
Podcast: iHeartPodcasts
Title: Confidence is a Skill, Not a Trait

In Episode 313 of The Psychology of Your 20s, hosted by Gemma Sbeg, listeners are guided through an in-depth exploration of confidence, debunking the myth that it's an innate trait and presenting it instead as a cultivable skill. Drawing from psychological theories and practical strategies, Gemma empowers young adults to build and enhance their confidence through actionable steps.

Introduction: Rethinking Confidence

Gemma opens the episode by reflecting on her friend Percy, who epitomizes confidence despite her past struggles with shyness and bullying. This personal anecdote sets the stage for examining confidence as a dynamic and developable attribute rather than a fixed characteristic.

“Confidence, my friends, it's actually not something that you are born with. It is a skill, a skill that you can develop.”
[00:00]

Understanding Confidence and Self-Efficacy

At the heart of Gemma’s discussion is the concept of self-efficacy, coined by social psychologist Albert Bandura. Self-efficacy refers to one's belief in their ability to execute behaviors necessary to achieve specific goals.

Four Sources of Self-Efficacy:

1. Mastery Experiences: Successes in challenging tasks reinforce belief in one's capabilities.

   “Each successful pedal stroke, each moment of balance... rewires your trust in your own abilities.”
   [12:30]

2. Vicarious Experiences: Observing others similar to oneself succeed can enhance belief in one's own abilities.

   “If you see someone from a similar background successfully launch their business, it sends a powerful message: If they can do it, maybe I can too.”
   [14:45]

3. Social Persuasion: Encouragement and positive feedback from mentors, peers, and loved ones motivate perseverance despite challenges.

   “Having someone who believes in you prepares you to face opportunities more often, even with the possibility of failure.”
   [17:10]

4. Emotional and Physiological States: Managing stress and maintaining a positive emotional state can influence one's confidence levels.

   “How you approach stress and manage your emotions is a factor in whether you feel capable.”
   [19:20]

Growth Mindset vs. Fixed Mindset

Gemma delves into Carol Dweck’s seminal work on mindsets, contrasting the fixed mindset with the growth mindset.

• Fixed Mindset: Belief that abilities and intelligence are static and unchangeable.

  “Someone with a fixed mindset believes that their basic abilities... are static traits.”
  [22:10]

• Growth Mindset: Belief that abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work.

  “A person with a growth mindset believes their abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work.”
  [23:50]

Emphasizing the power of a growth mindset, Gemma encourages listeners to view challenges as opportunities for growth, thereby enhancing their confidence.

Practical Strategies to Build Confidence

Gemma offers a suite of practical techniques designed to bolster confidence:

1. Overcoming the Inner Critic:

   • Identify and challenge self-defeating thoughts.

   “When those self-defeating thoughts surface, consciously pause, then begin to question them.”
   [29:15]

2. Positive Self-Talk and Mantras:

   • Replace negative self-talk with empowering affirmations.

   “Every time you encounter a confidence blocker, repeat a mantra like 'I am confident.'”
   [31:40]

3. Visualization Techniques:

   • Golden Orb Theory: Visualize a pulsating orb of light expanding with each interaction to project confidence.

     “Imagine a beautiful ball of light that grows every time you make eye contact.”
     [35:00]

   • Golden Thread Trick: Picture a golden thread elevating you, ensuring you take up space and remain strong.

     “A golden thread pulling from the top of your head into the sky, making sure you take up space.”
     [36:30]

4. Act As If Technique:

   • Behave as if you already possess the confidence you desire, gradually bridging the gap between your current self and your confident self.

     “Rehearsing the reality that you're stepping into can close the gap between who you are and who you want to be.”
     [38:50]

5. Borrowing Confidence from Role Models:

   • Emulate the behaviors and attitudes of admired individuals to internalize their confidence.

     “Think about how your role model would act in a situation and pretend that’s you.”
     [40:10]

6. Exposure and Practice:

   • Deliberately place yourself in challenging situations to build confidence through repeated practice.

     “Confidence is built through practice, stretching, and pushing yourself.”
     [42:00]

7. Focusing on Your Sphere of Control:

   • Direct energy towards aspects you can influence while accepting what you cannot.

     “Critically direct your energy and effort solely towards the things you can influence.”
     [44:20]

Listener Questions and Insights

Gemma addresses several listener-submitted questions, providing nuanced insights:

1. Balancing Confidence Without Coming Off as Arrogant:

   • Key Insight: Authentic confidence emanates from a place of inner calm and self-assurance, distinguishing it from the tense and anxious demeanor often mistaken for arrogance.

     “When you are truly confident, you probably feel very calm, you feel alert, you feel grounded.”
     [50:15]

2. Feeling Less Confident Among Highly Confident People:

   • Key Insight: Gemma explains that evolutionary instincts around dominance hierarchies can trigger feelings of inadequacy, but she reassures that a group of confident individuals can create a supportive environment.

     “In a room full of confident people, you are probably the safest you will ever be from judgment.”
     [53:30]

3. Does Being Delusional Help Elevate Confidence?

   • Key Insight: While overconfidence can be beneficial in driving action, it's crucial to balance belief with effort to avoid tipping into delusion.

     “Confidence is a skill, not a trait. Skills require work.”
     [55:45]

4. Embracing Unchangeable Physical Features:

   • Key Insight: Gemma encourages shifting from negative language to neutral or positive descriptors and emphasizes that appearance should not overshadow personal strengths and qualities.

     “Shift from 'ugly' to 'unique,' to 'special,' from 'embarrassing' to 'mine.'”
     [58:10]

Conclusion and Takeaways

Gemma wraps up the episode by reinforcing that confidence is an attainable skill that anyone can develop with deliberate practice and the right mindset. She urges listeners to engage with their inner dialogue, visualize positive outcomes, and consistently challenge their comfort zones to build lasting confidence.

“Confidence is a skill, not a trait. With a skill, you can improve in whatever area of your life you want to feel more like yourself and more for yourself.”
[1:10:35]

She also invites listeners to share their unique confidence-boosting strategies, fostering a community of support and shared growth.

Key Quotes:

• “Confidence, my friends, it's actually not something that you are born with. It is a skill, a skill that you can develop.”
  [00:00]

• “Each successful pedal stroke, each moment of balance... rewires your trust in your own abilities.”
  [12:30]

• “Shift from 'ugly' to 'unique,' to 'special,' from 'embarrassing' to 'mine.'”
  [58:10]

Practical Tips Highlighted:

1. Identify and Challenge Inner Critics: Recognize negative self-talk and actively counter it with positive affirmations.
2. Visualization Exercises: Employ techniques like the Golden Orb Theory to mentally prepare for confident interactions.
3. Adopt a Growth Mindset: Embrace the belief that abilities can be developed through effort and persistence.
4. Engage in Mastery Experiences: Seek out and succeed in challenging tasks to build self-efficacy.
5. Surround Yourself with Positive Influences: Choose mentors and peers who support and encourage your growth.

Final Thoughts:

Gemma emphasizes that building confidence is an ongoing journey that requires patience, self-compassion, and proactive effort. By understanding the psychological underpinnings of confidence and implementing the strategies discussed, listeners can transform their self-perception and navigate their 20s with greater assurance and resilience.

Connect with the Podcast:

• Follow on Instagram: @psychologyofyour20s
• Share the Episode: Encourage friends, family, and colleagues to listen and benefit from the insights shared.

Empower yourself to become the confident person you aspire to be—remember, confidence is a skill you can master!