Podcast Summary: The Psychology of your 20s

Episode 335: It's Okay to Change Your Mind
Host: Jemma Sbeg | Release Date: September 23, 2025

Overview

In this episode, host Jemma Sbeg explores the deeper psychology behind changing your mind, especially in your 20s. Rather than focusing on how to make the “right” choice, Jemma unpacks why it’s so emotionally and culturally tough to admit when you’ve changed your mind—about relationships, careers, beliefs, and more. She encourages embracing change as an essential element of growth and individuation, highlights why resistance is so strong (from sunk cost to fear of disappointing others), and offers research-backed strategies for letting go of outdated identities. The tone is compassionate, candid, and empowering, using personal stories, psychological theory, and memorable analogies.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Stigma Around Changing Your Mind

Timestamps: 02:47–11:04

• Not About Making Decisions—But Undoing Them:
  Jemma clarifies this isn’t about decision-making itself, but the often painful realization that a past choice or belief is no longer right for us.

  “We’re actually going to talk about the aftermath of making a choice where you realize, hey, this actually isn’t right for me… and why it feels so hard to admit that we were wrong or to change our mind.” (03:05)

• Personal Anecdotes:
  Includes a recent experience where a close friend called off an engagement, serving as a case study in the difficulty of reversing major life decisions due to social and emotional pressures.

2. Why Resisting Change is So Hard

Timestamps: 11:04–20:01

• Individuation & Psychological Growth:
  Changing your mind is part of individuation—a universal developmental phase where you form your unique identity, distinct from family, culture, or past self.

  “You’re allowed to change as a person... Some of the core pillars of our identity that we feel most loyal to are things we started to believe in at like 18 or younger, often influenced by family.” (12:50)

• The Rapid Change of Your 20s:
  Jemma reassures listeners that constant change is normal in this decade, and “you live many, many lives, or at least you should.” (16:51)
• The Myth of the Fully Mature Brain at 25:
  Dispels the “your brain is done at 25” myth—development, especially of judgment and planning faculties, continues into your 30s.

3. Social Pressure and the Fear of Judgement

Timestamps: 20:01–23:45

• Cultural Messaging:
  The idea of “follow through” and not quitting is deeply ingrained, often leading us to stick with old choices out of fear of being seen as unreliable.
  • “...the driver behind this is really other people’s desire for continuity from us. They want us to be the same person we were a year ago so they can understand us.” (18:58)
• Parental Expectations & Birth Order:
  Extra focus on eldest children and children of immigrants, who face elevated pressure to live out parentally approved paths.
• Hard Truth:

  “You have two options: keep up the facade… or forge your own path. At some stage, you have decided to suppress the deeper, individualized version of you… But I just want to remind you that changing your mind is also an option.” (22:24)

4. The Sunk Cost Fallacy

Timestamps: 28:01–37:45

• Why We Stay Even When Unhappy:
  The more time, energy, or money we invest in a situation—a job, a city, a relationship—the harder it is to walk away, even when it’s no longer right.

  “The more we feel we’ve put into a decision… the less we feel we can walk away because we believe we’ll lose all that time, effort, energy we have invested.” (28:05)

• Memorable Analogy:
  Jemma shares her “boots” analogy, continuing to fix expensive but unusable boots because of the initial investment—mirroring how people remain in dead-end life situations.
• Research and Self-Reflection:
  Discusses a Harvard study on sunk-cost susceptibility and recommends listeners investigate their own patterns.

5. The Psychological Benefits of Flexibility

Timestamps: 37:45–41:49

• Less Decision Fatigue:
  Permission to change your mind reduces “analysis paralysis”—the fear that every choice is final.
• Success Linked With Flexibility:
  Some of the most successful people are those who “respond and act the fastest,” not necessarily the cleverest.

  “They don’t get too attached to what others think they should be doing… they are very quick to move on from wrong choices. That is what we want for ourselves.” (39:56)

• Possible Selves Theory:
  Considering all your potential future selves (not just your current one) dramatically expands your sense of what's possible.

6. The Power of Growth Mindset and Cognitive Flexibility

Timestamps: 41:49–44:10

• Growth vs. Fixed Mindset (Carol Dweck):
  Those willing to admit mistakes and change are psychologically stronger and experience greater happiness.
• Self-Determination Theory:
  Autonomy (making your own choices) and competence (growing and changing) are key psychological needs. Denying yourself the right to change is denying happiness.

7. Final Reminders & Reframing Regret

Timestamps: 44:10–50:00

• Spotlight Effect:
  We dramatically overestimate how much others are paying attention to our choices or mistakes.

  “People tend to greatly overestimate how much attention others are actually paying to them and their decisions... No one is paying attention to you. No one.” (44:34)

• It’s Never Too Late:
  Shares stories of late-blooming success and reminds, “There are no rules. You have so much more time than you think.”
• Biggest Pain = Self-Betrayal:

  “That pain is never going to be as intense as the pain of looking back and realizing, God, in my one precious life, I didn’t do the things I actually wanted because of what people who are going to be gone anyways… Don’t let that be you.” (47:49)

• Reflection Exercise:
  Invites listeners to share what they've changed their mind about, normalizing the experience of letting go.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Identity and Change:

  “You are allowed to change as a person… None of these things are ever set in stone just because they were once important to you or you once claimed it as something you believed in.” (12:55)

• On Sunk Cost:

  “Why was I wearing them? Why did I keep them? I should have literally just started from zero again and bought another pair of shoes… But it’s because that initial investment, those continual investments, meant these were no longer worthless to me, even though they literally didn’t work.” (30:05)

• On Social Judgment:

  “For some people, the most interesting thing they can do is criticize others… It’s a pretty sad way of living… I don’t have time to do that. That’s your own life, do what’s best for you.” (46:57)

• On Self-Betrayal:

  “No one else has to live your life for you. No one else is going to face the consequences of not being true to yourself or your future possible selves and the pain of not doing what they need you to do more than you are.” (48:20)

• On Future Possibility:

  “At some point, the life I currently have isn’t going to fit me anymore… But I’m also really excited to see what’s going to evolve from here and how that discomfort is actually pushing me in a really fruitful, amazing direction.” (49:18)

Key Segment Timestamps

• 02:47 — Episode Introduction and framing the episode’s purpose
• 11:04 — Identity, individuation, and the role of changing your mind
• 18:58 — Why follow-through is so valued (and sometimes harmful)
• 22:24 — Parental expectations, birth order, and the immigrant experience
• 28:01 — Sunk cost fallacy explained with research and boots example
• 37:45 — Benefits of admitting you’re wrong & the possible selves theory
• 41:49 — Growth mindset, self-determination theory
• 44:34 — The spotlight effect and social attention
• 47:49 — On regret, self-betrayal, and life’s “rules”
• 49:18 — Embracing change and closing reflections

Takeaway

Jemma’s central message: Changing your mind is not a sign of failure or weakness, but rather a profound act of self-respect, honesty, and growth. The courage to disappoint others—when remaining true to yourself—is essential to building a life you love. In a world obsessed with certainty and continuity, normalizing change can reduce personal regret, unleash possibility, and improve mental wellbeing.

For more insights and discussion, follow Jemma at @psychologypodcast or visit psychologyofyour20s.com.