The Psychology of Your 20s – Episode 366: "I Moved to London" (December 21, 2025)

Host: Gemma Sbeg
Podcast by: iHeartPodcasts

Episode Overview

In this heartfelt solo episode, host Gemma Sbeg shares the story behind her recent move from Australia to London, exploring the psychological rollercoaster of such a life transition in your 20s. Gemma dives deep into the emotions, adjustments, and lessons learned from relocating overseas—including relationship dynamics, grieving from afar, housing chaos, building community, and practical advice for anyone considering a similar move.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Decision to Move: Dreams, Love, and Logistics

• Background: Gemma moved to London with her boyfriend Tom after years of dreaming about living abroad.
• Intentional Planning: She’d long wanted to live overseas and let Tom know early in their relationship that this was a dealbreaker.
  • “I want to let you know, like, I really plan on living overseas... my heart’s really set on like either London or like Seattle or... Copenhagen. … it is a dealbreaker.” (06:10)
• Relationship Compromises: Tom needed to complete two years of mandatory legal experience post-qualification, so their move was delayed.
  • “He said to me, you know, I have to do this, though. So here's the kicker. If you want to move, you're going to have to give me two years.” (07:45)
• Family and Friends’ Doubts: Gemma faced skepticism over delaying her dreams for a relatively new boyfriend, but trusted in their partnership.

2. The Emotional Toll of Moving

• Underestimating Stress: Gemma admits to underestimating the stress and emotional weight of relocation, even though she works for herself.
  • “I thought that because I don’t have to look for a job, this is going to be really easy. No, it’s just a major adjustment.” (15:08)
• Loneliness and Expectations: She describes feeling immediate pressure to establish a fully built life, friendships, and routines—forgetting these take time.
  • "It feels like you get here and you expect your life to be pre-built… you forget that... you had to build [your old city] from nothing." (17:12)
• Disenfranchised Grief: A tragic event back home left her grappling with mourning from afar and unexpectedly strong feelings of distance.
  • "I'm excited about living in London, but... it's been hard feeling like you want to mourn and grieve and be around friends and family, but they're thousands of miles away and… everyone around you... is carrying on as usual." (12:10)

3. Cultural and Practical Adjustments

• Weather: The gloomy, early sunsets of London were a significant—and tiring—adjustment for someone used to the Australian outdoors.
  • “The sun setting at like 4pm has smashed me and also made it very hard to fight jet lag.” (10:08)
• Social Interactions: Gemma observes more physical contact with strangers and less casual friendliness compared to Australia.
  • "There's so much bodily contact with strangers that… I don't have in Australia, and a lot less like, cheerio and hi and chatting." (11:26)
• Apartment Hunting Struggles: The rental market's competitiveness ("not for the weak"), price gouging, and rapid-fire decisions were unexpectedly intense.
  • “The amount of price gouging that is happening… people who will...say, well, somebody else has just offered more… But if you want to offer 900 quid, like, we could totally go for that.” (14:10)
• Minimalism: Embracing a lighter, more minimal lifestyle during the move—advised to bring as little as possible.

4. Building Community and Battling Loneliness

• The Six-Month Rule: Based on prior moves, Gemma expects six months before feeling settled or having a strong sense of community.
  • "Give yourself six months to make a decision on how long you want to stay... The first three months are going to be really hard. The first six months are going to be difficult but... something will change for you." (27:38)
• Friendship Strategies:
  • Joining book clubs, run clubs, boxing, volunteering, and coworking spaces for ready-made communities.
  • Frequenting the same cafes, gyms, and routes to organically meet neighborhood locals.
  • Leveraging mutual friends for "platonic set-ups"—asking friends to introduce her to their London contacts.
  • Engaging with listeners of the podcast in London and planning events, recognizing the large local audience.
• Co-working Commitment: Not repeating the mistake of isolation; Gemma signs up for a co-working space to nurture productivity and social interaction.

5. Listener Q&A: Practical Details and Advice

• Her Dog, Talu: Talu is staying in Australia with her family until Gemma decides whether London will be home for more than a year.
  • "Trust me, she is fine. She is having the time of her life. ...It kind of worked out perfectly." (23:22)
• How Long Will She Stay? Visa for 3 years, but taking the first 6 months to decide. No shame if it doesn’t work out.
  • "I'm just going to see how the first six months goes. … I'm not going to linger, I'm not going to try and convince myself it's right." (25:58)
• Advice for Others Moving:
  • The visa health levy is expensive—budget accordingly.
  • Avoid paying for unnecessary services (e.g., document scanning).
  • Bring minimal belongings; shipping or excess baggage is costly.
  • Australian GST isn’t included in UK prices, so everything feels pricier.
  • Save at least two to three months’ living expenses to reduce stress upon arrival.
  • Embrace minimalism and flexibility—"travel quite light through life" (35:48).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the emotional whirlwind:
  “A year in your 20s is like five years… so much can change during that time.” — Gemma (08:34)
• On making plans and the rush of the move:
  “We knew this was going to happen for two years. And I genuinely think we only made the plans for it to happen in the last two months.” (09:11)
• Culture shock in daily life:
  "Today was the day that I got shoved. I'm officially—I can say I'm living in London." (10:50)
• Processing tragedy from afar:
  "You want to mourn and grieve and be around friends and family, but they're thousands of miles away and you don't live in that city anymore. ... I just want to talk to somebody about this." (12:14)
• On realistic timelines for settling:
  “Six months is it. And so I genuinely feel like I'm strapping myself in for this marathon... let's work really hard at making this feel like home.” (27:36)
• On finding friends:
  “I'm committed to the mutual friend route. If my friend likes somebody, I would say 99% of the time, I'm gonna like them as well.” (29:40)
• Letting go of expectations:
  "If it's not right, I'm not going to linger, I'm not going to try and convince myself it's right. I'm going to give it the best I've got and... we move on to the next thing." (26:55)
• Minimal travel wisdom:
  “Your soul is kind of not as burdened by physical possessions. You can go anywhere, be anything, choose anything. And that felt really nice to me.” (35:53)
• For listeners:
  “You made this happen for me, so I feel like it's my win, it's also a win for all of us...” (37:00)

Segment Timestamps

• 03:53 – Announcement: “I moved to London!” and backstory of the decision
• 05:46 – Relationship logistics and planning the move with Tom
• 09:11 – The rushed preparation, setting dates, and Christmas move
• 10:08 – Major adjustments: weather, sunlight, navigating the city
• 12:10 – Coping with tragic news from home and feelings of disconnection
• 14:10 – Apartment hunting chaos and unexpected difficulties
• 15:08 – Underestimating the stress of moving
• 17:12 – Reflections on expectations versus reality
• 23:19 – Listener Q&A: moving with a pet, how long to stay, practicalities
• 26:55 – Learning not to judge yourself if you decide to return
• 27:36 – Gemma's six-month rule for feeling settled in a new place
• 29:40 – Action plan for making friends and community in London
• 33:40 – Money, shipping, and what to (not) bring
• 35:48 – Embracing minimalism and open-endedness in your 20s
• 37:00 – Gratitude to listeners and future plans

Conclusion & Takeaways

Gemma’s move to London is a case study in the psychology of transition—balancing dreams, love, uncertainty, and logistics. Her candid reflections on culture shock, grief, expectations, and building new roots offer reassurance, humor, and helpful advice for anyone in their 20s contemplating a big leap.

Key advice for movers:

• Give yourself time—six months is a magic mark.
• Prepare financially and emotionally.
• Lean on routines, friends, community groups.
• Allow for homesickness and the unexpected.

How Gemma signs off:
"If you enjoyed this episode, maybe leave a little British emoji in the comments... Especially if you've made it this far!" (37:10)

Find Gemma on Instagram:

• @thatpsychologypodcast
• @emmaspeg

If you’ve ever thought about making a move or starting over, this episode will help you feel seen, soothed, and a little bit braver.