Podcast Summary: The Psychology of Your 20s

Host: Jemma Sbeg
Episode: 371 – The Psychology of Success
Date: January 5, 2026

Episode Overview

In this episode, host Jemma Sbeg explores the intriguing and multifaceted psychology of success—particularly relevant for listeners navigating their twenties. With the New Year as a backdrop for ambitious new goals, Jemma breaks down what success truly means, why we strive for it, and how psychology can help shape both our ambitions and our sense of fulfillment. The episode draws on psychological theories, research findings, and actionable insights, delivering five key habits practiced by successful individuals, while emphasizing the importance of defining success on one’s own terms.

Defining Success: Objective vs. Subjective

[03:00–10:20]

• Jemma opens by addressing the discomfort many feel discussing ambition, noting the universal and deeply threaded human desire for success.
• Objective Success:
  • Tangible, widely recognized achievements (salary, degrees, awards, fame).
  • “Think of objective markers as... social currency that signal value, but also signal something else—talent, maybe hard work, passion, motivation.” (Jemma, 04:15)
• Subjective Success:
  • Personal sense of fulfillment, happiness, and meaning, regardless of external validation.
  • Involves both hedonic well-being (day-to-day happiness) and eudaimonic well-being (alignment with core values and potential).
• Objective metrics rarely correlate with sustained well-being; subjective markers (like meaning and alignment) matter most.
• Notable Quote:
  • “To have a successful life, your goals—your achievements—have to have personal significance. And yes, accolades may be a part of that, but crucially, they cannot be all of it.” (Jemma, 06:25)

The Self-Determination Theory and Success

[10:20–14:40]

• Jemma introduces Self-Determination Theory (SDT)—one of the most important models in the psychology of motivation and thriving.
• SDT’s Three Core Needs:
  • Autonomy: Feeling ownership of your goals.
    “A simple way to test this is… take any major goal you have right now... and finish this sentence for me: I choose to pursue this because…” (Jemma, 11:35)
  • Competence: Continually getting better at things that matter to you—being challenged and building skill (the “Goldilocks zone” or “flow state”).
  • Relatedness: Feeling connected, experiencing belonging, and having your efforts impact others.
• Relationships are repeatedly shown to be central to both happiness and felt success.
• Quote:
  • “The happiest people, the most successful people, the people who say ‘I’ve had a successful life’… the thing that they all have in common is good, long-term, meaningful relationships. Even when we control for money and accolades.” (Jemma, 13:15)

The Role of Luck, Talent, and Habits

[19:59–23:10]

• Jemma acknowledges the impact of circumstances and luck (referencing Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers), but refocuses on the habits we can control.
• “Success is a whole lot of luck. But I don’t find that discouraging… All of us have a special talent for something.” (Jemma, 21:13)
• The interplay:
  • ~20% raw talent
  • ~20% habits and actions
  • ~60% luck and context (as per some theories)
• Habits are what ultimately move people “over the line.”

Five Habits of Successful People (with Psychological Backing)

[23:11–35:45]

1. Embracing Failure as Part of the Process

• Failure is universal and vital to real success (“Every successful person... has that story. My favorite one is Meryl Streep... she was rejected... so when you fail... that puts you one more failure closer to your dream.” – Jemma, 24:58)
• The ability to persist and become resilient in the face of setbacks is critical.

2. Working in Silence

• Success often involves progress happening “off the radar.”
• Publicly announcing goals too soon can actually dampen the drive to achieve them.
• “The ability to work silently makes you and your ambitions more intimate with each other... You have more room for experimentation... the crucial part of any success story.” (Jemma, 27:35)

3. Following the 80/20 Rule (Pareto Principle)

• 80% of results come from 20% of actions.
• Focus on high-leverage activities rather than striving for perfection in every detail (“Perfectionists... hate this, but successful people make things good enough on purpose.” – Jemma, 29:35)

4. Learning to Enjoy Hard Work (Learned Industriousness)

• You can condition yourself to find effort rewarding.
• Make the process enjoyable or meaningful, not just the end result.
• “The sneaky superpower nobody probably taught you in school—you can actually condition your brain to find hard work and effort rewarding in its own right.” (Jemma, 32:10)

5. Structuring the Environment for Focus (Choice Architecture)

• Success is often about manipulating your surroundings to minimize friction and distraction.
• Give spaces “one job,” block distractions, and make the desirable behavior easiest.
• “How much laziness, procrastination, boredom, do you think comes down to simply the fact that your environment is stacked against you?” (Jemma, 35:10)

Building an Identity Beyond Success

[35:50–39:30]

• Danger of tying self-worth solely to achievement (“You only feel worthy when you’re winning. It’s like having a toxic boyfriend or a toxic girlfriend.” – Jemma, 36:40)
• Broaden your identity: pursue hobbies, relationships, and interests outside of core ambitions; these are not distractions but essential for resilience and well-being.
• Wide, resilient selves can take smarter risks, bounce back, and experiment more freely.

Age, Timelines, and Reframing Success

[39:31–41:55]

• “There’s this huge, massive, major emphasis on finding success young and early... I don’t want any of us believing that your 20s are the only decade where you can really do something or that you’re running out of time because you haven’t done it yet.” (Jemma, 39:55)
• There is “so much time” to find or redefine success—at any age.
• “Timelines are... a social fiction. And real life will peak in all different places for different reasons.” (Jemma, 40:30)
• Celebrate the journey and stay open to change.

Memorable Quotes & Timestamps

• “Being successful is a huge human desire and it's intertwined with a lot of other major human desires—our need to strive, our need for purpose.” – Jemma (03:00)
• “Objective metrics of success don’t correlate to greater wellbeing. It’s the subjective ones that do.” – Jemma (06:05)
• “When you fail, when you are rejected… that puts you one more failure closer to your dream.” – Jemma (25:15)
• “You have advantages that you don’t know about yet until you act on them.” – Jemma (21:35)
• “You can actually condition your brain to find hard work and effort rewarding in its own right.” – Jemma (32:10)
• “You are not behind—whatever age you are… timelines are literally a social fiction.” – Jemma (40:00)

Conclusion

Jemma wraps with encouragement for listeners to apply these principles—personalized to their own values—and to resist the pressure of external timelines. Success is multi-dimensional and deeply personal; fulfillment, relationships, and continual learning matter just as much (if not more) as the trophies on display.

Listener Reflection

Jemma invites listeners to comment:
“Who is a traditionally or untraditionally successful person that you admire—and why?”

Follow-up and Contact:

• Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast
• Show email: psychologyofyour20smail.com