The Psychology of Your 20s – Ep. 373: Why Rest Makes Us Feel So Guilty

Host: Jemma Sbeg
Date: January 11, 2026

Episode Overview

In this episode, Jemma Sbeg explores the deep-rooted psychological, historical, and cultural reasons behind why rest—a basic biological need—often leaves us feeling guilty. Jemma unpacks how societal expectations, shifting attitudes toward productivity, and personal narratives have turned rest from a necessity into something viewed as lazy or selfish. She also provides evidence-backed tips for reframing rest, breaking cycles of guilt, and investing in your well-being.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening Reflection: The Enemy of Guilt-Free Rest

[02:47]

• Jemma introduces the universal feeling of guilt when trying to rest, likening it to breaking an unwritten rule or "stealing time."
• She shares a personal story about being unable to relax on a family holiday, feeling the compulsion to work even when she wanted to be present with her loved ones.
  • Quote:

    “Why do we do things we don’t want to do when we don’t have to? Why do we feel like we have to?”
    — Jemma Sbeg [03:59]

2. How Productivity Obsession Took Hold

[06:00]

• Jemma explains the historical shift:

  • Societal organization changed from cyclical, community-based productivity to individual responsibility for time, especially after the Industrial Revolution.
  • The clock’s introduction to the workplace transformed time into a commodity to be "spent" and "measured."

• Guilt around rest, she explains, is not just personal—it’s a moral emotion driven by societal attitudes.

  • Quote:

    “When clocks were introduced into factories…that is when stuff went downhill.”
    — Jemma Sbeg [07:44]

3. Modern Era: Social Media & Status Signaling

[10:30]

• Social media amplifies the sense of competition and the equivalence of constant busyness with status and self-worth.

• Witnessing others’ productivity online, even passively, feeds the guilt cycle and distorts rest as a lack of ambition.

  • Quote:

    “Busyness psychologically has become a status symbol...Longer hours, less free time. Again, it conveys social importance.”
    — Jemma Sbeg [11:30]

4. Economic Anxiety & The Hamster Wheel

[13:00]

• For 20- and 30-somethings, reduced opportunities and job competition exacerbate the feeling that it’s not safe to rest.

• Cites a Canadian study—98% of those 18–34 report at least one symptom of burnout.

• Technology promised more free time but has instead intensified pressure.

  • Quote:

    “From a survival lens...if all your life you have been taught that opportunities are fragile...rest actually feels really more dangerous than restorative.”
    — Jemma Sbeg [15:16]

5. Emotional Regulation Through Busyness

[16:30]

• Being constantly busy is often a maladaptive strategy to avoid uncomfortable feelings or self-reflection.

• Rest can feel emotionally threatening because it removes that distraction.

  • Quote:

    “Being busy is a form of emotional regulation—it stops us from having to do the uncomfortable inner work.”
    — Jemma Sbeg [16:48]

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6. The Science: Why Rest Cannot Be Negotiated

[21:40]

• Rest is a biological requirement; you can't survive without it (like water or food).

• Discusses a University of Pennsylvania sleep study:

  • Chronic sleep deprivation (4–6 hours/night) over two weeks led to cognitive impairment equivalent to being intoxicated.
  • Participants were unaware of how poorly they were functioning.

• You can “push through” exhaustion for a while, but “the sleep debt” comes due.

  • Quote:

    “You’re not fine. You need to rest.”
    — Jemma Sbeg [23:35]

7. The Productivity Paradox: Rest Makes You Smarter

[25:55]

• Micro-breaks (e.g., 10 minutes off every 30–60 minutes) are proven to reduce fatigue and improve well-being.
• Creative solutions often arrive after stepping away from a problem.
  • Quote:

    “If you want to be smarter almost immediately, you have to counterintuitively rest more.”
    — Jemma Sbeg [27:45]

8. Overcoming Guilt: Four Cognitive Shifts

[29:18]

a. Rest is Not a Reward—It’s an Investment

• Treat rest like putting money in a savings account; don’t let your to-do list dictate when you’ve “earned” it.

  • Quote:

    “It’s not something you do because you deserve it. You do it because it’s maintenance…a non-negotiable.”
    — Jemma Sbeg [30:34]

b. Rest is as Natural as the Seasons

• Honor the natural cycles of productivity and rest, as with the seasons.
  • We demand “summer” productivity year-round, which is unsustainable.

c. Schedule Rest as a Non-Negotiable

• “If you don’t schedule rest, you’ll get it when you’re forced to—when you burn out or are sick.”
• Jemma recommends planning a “dilly dally” day—a block of unstructured time with friends sans agenda.

d. Challenge the Myth of Laziness

• Cites Dr. Devon Price’s book, Laziness Does Not Exist.

• “Lazy” is a moral (not factual) judgment, used selectively to stigmatize certain groups.

• Acknowledging the myth allows us to embrace rest without shame.

  • Quote:

    “When you separate yourself from those narratives…you get to live life the way it was really intended.”
    — Jemma Sbeg [36:30]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Rest feels like giving somebody else an opportunity.” — Jemma Sbeg [14:44]
• “Rest removes that coping mechanism that’s been holding you together. The moment you slow down, there’s a lot that’s going to come with it.” — Jemma Sbeg [17:05]
• “Our ancestors didn’t feel guilty for rest, because they knew it was necessary.” — Jemma Sbeg [37:45]
• “Simone Biles—best athlete of all time—she literally took two years off, and she came back and won a bunch of gold medals.” — Jemma Sbeg [38:00]
• Closing Permission Slip:

  “Here is your permission slip: You are allowed to do that.”
  — Jemma Sbeg [38:24]

Actionable Takeaways & Homework

1. Reframe Rest:
   • Start seeing rest as an essential investment, not a reward.
2. Honor Your Cycle:
   • Acknowledge your need for "winters"—periods of downtime and recovery.
3. Schedule Downtime:
   • Put rest in your calendar intentionally; make it regular and non-negotiable.
4. Reject the Label "Lazy":
   • Recognize that “laziness” is a harmful, social construct designed to keep us overworking.
   • Read Laziness Does Not Exist by Dr. Devon Price for further insight.

Timeline of Important Segments

• [02:47] — Introduction: Why Rest Makes Us Feel Guilty
• [06:00] — Historical Context: Industrial Revolution & Productivity
• [10:30] — Modern Competition, Social Media & Busyness as Status
• [13:00] — Economic Anxiety in Early Adulthood
• [15:16] — Rest as a Psychological Threat
• [21:40] — Biological Necessity: The Science of Sleep & Rest
• [25:55] — Productivity Paradox & Cognitive Benefits of Micro-Breaks
• [29:18] — Four Key Shifts to Remove the Guilt Around Rest
• [36:00] — Challenging the Myth of Laziness
• [38:24] — Closing Permission & Summary

Episode Tone & Style

Jemma’s tone is empathetic, conversational, and deeply validating. She shares personal anecdotes and scientific studies in an accessible, encouraging manner, making the subject matter feel approachable and actionable for listeners navigating the pressures of their twenties.

Summary prepared for listeners seeking the key psychological insights and practical strategies from this episode of The Psychology of Your 20s.