The Psychology of Your 20s – Ep. 386: "26 Lessons I've Learnt in 26 Years"

Host: Jemma Sbeg
Date: February 19, 2026
Podcast Network: iHeartPodcasts

Episode Overview

In this special birthday edition, host Jemma Sbeg celebrates turning 26 by reflecting on 26 (plus a bonus!) life lessons she's learned so far. Drawing from personal experiences, friendships, relationships, and moments of self-discovery, Jemma gets candid about growth, regrets, victories, and the emotional turbulence of one’s twenties. The episode balances practical advice with heartfelt storytelling, offering listeners insight and comfort as they navigate their own twenties.

Key Lessons & Themes

1. Reframing Youth and Aging

• "Every year you will realize more and more how young you actually are." (04:16)
• Jemma debunks the fear of aging in your twenties, revealing how, as she’s grown older, she’s felt increasingly youthful and optimistic about the future.

2. On Time and Regret

• "It is impossible to waste time... Time is not something you can spoil. It’s not a bag of spinach you left in the back of the fridge." (07:05)
• She stresses that all experiences are meaningful, even those that seem like “wasted time.” Time is subjective, and regret shouldn't dominate your thinking.

3. Friendship – The Trifecta

• "Fight with your friends. Forgive your friends. Recognize that sometimes you are the asshole." (08:33)
• True friendships involve conflict and forgiveness. Jemma encourages humility and self-awareness in relationships.
• Quote: "The thing that good people do is that they admit when they were wrong." (12:02)

4. Relationships and Heartbreak

• Three key insights:
  • Don’t jump into new relationships right after a breakup.
  • Just because you think of someone doesn’t mean they’re “the one.”
  • Allow yourself to get mad after a breakup and say what you need to say.
• "If there is something you wish you'd said, or still want to say, you should say it." (16:05)

5. Spirituality and Grounding Practices

• "You need spiritual practices to make you feel nourished, whether religion or not." (22:00)
• Jemma shares how spiritual routines—however simple—help provide meaning and connection.

6. Be Kind to Small Creatures

• "When you are feeling terrible about the world, be kind to small creatures." (24:20)
• Practicing compassion towards even the smallest things affirms faith in humanity and personal goodness.

7. Nature’s Healing Power

• "If there is an opportunity to go to the beach, you should always go... the healing power of water and nature is real." (26:03)
• Jemma advocates for “thalassotherapy” (sea therapy) as a simple way to rejuvenate.

8. Work Hard for Yourself

• "Save some of that hard work for you and use it for things that feel personally meaningful." (26:54)
• Hard work isn't just for external validation; personal projects and passions matter.

9. Boundaries with Technology

• "You are always going to feel better if you don’t go on your phone first thing in the morning." (30:35)
• Jemma encourages listeners to reclaim their mornings from digital distractions.

10. Authenticity Over Imitation

• "Stop trying to be them, whoever 'them' is to you...you'll never be successful when the goal is imitation." (33:10)
• Embracing individuality and resisting the urge to compare oneself is crucial.

11. Self-Awareness in Bad Days

• Jemma humorously recounts a day full of minor setbacks:
  • "I was the bad day...Investing too much in my identity as a victim when all those things were privileges that others might envy." (36:26)

12. Health Habits

• Take medications as prescribed and just go to the dentist – “six years off led to seven fillings and $3,000 in dental work.” (37:56)

13. Responding to Unkindness

• "When somebody is mean to you or short with you, the best and only defense is to be disgustingly kind back." (39:17)
• Kindness often acts as a mirror, exposing others’ negative behaviors.

14. Setting Boundaries – It’s Okay to Say No

• "Some people just don't deserve your help." (41:07)
• Helping everyone leads to burnout—reserve energy for truly reciprocal relationships.

15. Trusting Instincts

• "Trust your gut when to say no, when not to help, when not to go to the party." (41:55)
• Honoring intuition is a vital form of self-care.

16. Healthy Habits Pay Off

• "You do actually feel better when you exercise more and drink less, which sucks. I wish it weren't true." (44:41)
• Sometimes the most basic wellness advice is the hardest to accept.

17. Financial Impulse Control

• "Wait 24 hours before making an impulse purchase... By then, I’ve usually forgotten about it." (47:13)
• Simple boundaries with spending promote emotional regulation and savings.

18. Siblings and Family

• "Talk to your siblings more. I regret not investing in that sooner." (48:45)
• Jemma laments the years missed with her sisters and now relishes a deeper connection.

19. Celebrate Yourself

• "Don't be afraid to make a big deal out of the things you’re proud of, even if no one else is going to do it for you." (50:03)

20. DIY Mentality

• "You can truly DIY your dream life, if you just commit to learning how to do things for yourself and learning how to do them badly, then a bit better, then good, then amazingly." (51:40)
• Jemma’s career and podcast are testament to the power of personal initiative.

21. Romantic Realism

• "Not every person you date is your soulmate, and that doesn’t mean the relationship wasn’t worthwhile. Date as much as possible in your 20s." (54:11)

22. Try Something Just for the Story

• "Dye your hair at least once in your life... there's just this unique beauty to looking back at those photos." (56:08)
• Taking risks, even superficial ones, creates memories and a sense of adventure.

23. You Don't Have to Suffer

• "You don’t have to suffer more than what you’ll naturally suffer just by being alive. You can opt out of the circumstances that are making you suffer and that you don’t want anymore." (58:37)
• Jemma concludes with a call to opt out of pain and stagnation, advocating for therapy, mindset shifts, and healthy boundaries.

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On growing up:
  • "I was so easily influenced... there’s just something really alluring about people who seem to know themselves." (33:38)
• On privilege and perspective:
  • "All those things that I thought were the worst things to happen to me that day are just privileges. People would kill to have those inconveniences." (36:47)
• On kindness:
  • "It is genuinely one of the most powerful things we can do psychologically—to be so nice and so kind that they have to see how weird and gross their behavior is." (39:49)
• On forging your own path:
  • "I didn’t see a job for me. I didn’t see a system that I enjoyed, so I’ll just make it myself." (52:10)
• On suffering:
  • "Maybe the biggest lesson from my 26th year: I can opt out of the circumstances and patterns that are making me suffer... I want a life of ease, and that’s a massive priority change." (58:55)

Timestamps for Key Lessons

• 04:16 – Realizing how young you actually are
• 07:05 – Impossible to waste time and the subjectivity of regret
• 08:33 – The friendship trifecta: fight, forgive, own your part
• 12:02 – Admitting when you were wrong
• 16:05 – Healthy ways to process heartbreak
• 22:00 – Importance of spiritual practice
• 24:20 – Be kind to small creatures; faith in humanity
• 26:03 – Go to the beach; healing in nature
• 26:54 – Find passion projects to work hard at
• 30:35 – Reclaiming mornings from your phone
• 33:10 – Authenticity over imitation
• 36:26 – Perspective shift: being the bad day
• 37:56 – Regular health care and dental visits
• 39:17 – Disgusting kindness as a response to unkindness
• 41:07 – Why you can’t help everybody
• 41:55 – The power and necessity of saying “no”
• 44:41 – Exercise and moderation in drinking
• 47:13 – 24-hour rule for impulse buying
• 48:45 – Strengthening sibling/family bonds
• 50:03 – Celebrating yourself loudly
• 51:40 – Building your dream life, DIY-style
• 54:11 – Romantic realism and dating in your 20s
• 56:08 – Dye your hair, take risks for the story
• 58:37 – You don’t have to suffer – making radical changes

Episode Takeaway

Jemma wraps up this reflection with sincere gratitude for her listeners and an invitation for them to share their own lessons learned. The episode serves as a guide to embracing the messiness, self-discovery, and potential for growth inherent in your twenties—reminding us all that life is not a linear checklist, but a tapestry of lessons, some light and some hard-earned.

“You don’t have to suffer more than life is going to make you suffer. Those are my 26, 27 lessons from 26 years. I hope they’ve taught you something, validated your experience. Be safe, be kind, be gentle to yourself.”
— Jemma Sbeg (58:55)