The Psychology of Your 20s – Episode 396: Homesickness

Host: Jemma Sbeg
Date: March 16, 2026

Episode Overview

In this episode, Jemma Sbeg takes a deep dive into the psychology of homesickness, a feeling familiar to many people navigating their 20s. Drawing upon scientific research, personal experiences (including her recent move to London), and practical advice, Jemma explores why homesickness arises, how it manifests, the emotional complexity behind it, and strategies to manage and move through it. The tone is empathetic, honest, and often gently humorous, offering both validation and actionable tips for listeners.

Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. Understanding Homesickness

(03:06 – 06:30)

• Definition & Description: Homesickness is described as “a mini grief” felt when away from home, even for positive reasons like new opportunities or adventures.
• Key Insight: "You're missing not just the place, not just the location, but the memories... You're missing relationships." (04:31)
• Emotional Duality: It combines longing for the familiar with the discomfort of the new.
• Jemma’s Note: This feeling is universal and a “full body experience.”

2. The Psychology Behind Homesickness

(06:30 – 13:30)

• Stress Response: Homesickness is not just sadness but a physiological stress response; the mind and body crave certainty and safety.
• Place Attachment Theory: Humans, like with people, form emotional bonds with places—our "home base.”
• Evolutionary Roots: Even nomads have forms of “environmental consistency”—everyone needs some space where they feel safe.
• Nostalgia Connection: Homesickness and nostalgia are deeply linked. “Nostalgia” originated as a medical term for sailors missing home.
• Positivity Bias: The brain idealizes the past (home) and sees the present more critically, making homesickness even harder.
• Adjustment/Honeymoon Period: There’s often an initial period of excitement before homesickness strikes, leading to “emotional whiplash.”
  • “You’ve been lulled into a false sense of security by the honeymoon period.” (13:09)

3. Sensitivity & Individual Experience

(13:30 – 15:54)

• Feelers Feel More Intensely: Highly sensitive and empathetic people may experience stronger homesickness but also feel greater highs once adjusted.
  • “...when the tide turns, when things start feeling good, you're going to feel really good. Literally, you're going to feel this better than anybody.” (14:25)
• Avoid Comparison: Adjustment periods differ for everyone. “You simply cannot compare apples to oranges.” (16:50)
• Every Person’s Journey Is Unique: Sometimes others are “just still in the honeymoon phase.”

4. When Is Homesickness More than Just Homesickness?

(23:51 – 26:50)

• Jemma’s Personal Criteria (Not Psychological Advice):
  • If it lasts over a year, persists daily, and does not improve despite genuine effort (new friends, routine), it might signal a deeper issue or mismatch.
  • "You can make a home wherever you are. But sometimes you don't want to." (24:50)
• Recommended Timeline for Adjustment:
  • 3 months to adjust, 6 months to feel okay, 1 year to decide if it’s right long-term. (25:45)
• Important Reminder: “Don’t let the urgency of homesickness and the urgency of your stress response convince you that you've made a mistake and that you need to remedy it immediately. Give yourself some time.” (27:56)

5. Tips and Strategies for Coping

(Practical section begins around 28:15)

a) Go ‘No Contact’ for Three Months

• Don’t Go Home: Like after a breakup, avoid returning home to help your mind detach and adjust.
  • “Go no contact with the place you miss... every time you go back, there’s a reinforcement loop at play.” (29:35)
• Neurological Angle: Reminders of home activate the brain’s reward/craving systems—making moving forward harder.

b) Find Familiar Favorites Nearby

• Project: Identify what you loved (like a favorite gym, cafe, library) and recreate/find equivalents in your new locale.
  • Memorable Moment: Jemma’s new dream gym in London burned down just two days after joining—but the tip remains solid. (31:00)

c) Balance Adventure and Comfort

• Explore New Areas: Treat every day like the first in your new city. Play tourist; go on big walks.
  • “It was my 26th birthday the other day and I walked 26km across London just for the adventure…” (33:54)
• Create a Safe Home Base: Invest in cozy, comforting touches for your living space—“Buy nice bed sheets… buy some pictures of home. Buy a cute trinket.” (34:30)
• Balance: Both novelty (adventure) and familiarity (comfort) are needed for healthy adjustment.

d) Limit Calls Home

• Detox from Constant Contact: Limit calls to once or twice a week to break reinforcement of old attachments and rely more on yourself and your new environment.
  • “It's almost like drinking alcohol when you're really sad... it's just there... and then you realize it was probably a bad decision.” (36:24)
• Build New Support Networks Locally: Rely on partners, new friends, and yourself.

e) Vicarious Learning

• Media Recommendations: Watch the movie Brooklyn for a narrative about overcoming homesickness.
  • Notable Quote from the film cited by Jemma (38:21): “Homesickness is like any other sickness. It's really annoying and it makes you feel wretched when you've got it. And then pretty soon it will move on to somebody else and you won't be able to remember what it felt like.”

f) Acceptance and Mindset Shifts

• A Temporary Price for a Big Life: “This is maybe just the price you pay for an incredible life and for a big life. This is the price you have to pay for a big life – missing home, maybe even multiple homes.”
• Trade-offs Are Inevitable: Every big opportunity involves giving something else up. “If you want a big life, it comes with costs. If you want a small life, you might be more in the center of your emotional spectrum, never experiencing such terrible lows. You're also probably never going to experience such terrific power or moments…” (41:02)
• Optimism and Excitement: Try reframing anxiety as excitement for what’s possible.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Homesickness as Grief:
  “The best way that I've seen homesickness described is as a mini grief... You're grieving things maybe never being the same again.” (04:09)

• On Nostalgia:
  "The word nostalgia was initially created as a medical diagnostic term for sailors who were suffering from homesickness." (10:14)

• On Comparison:
  “You simply just, you cannot compare apples to oranges. Your time and the time it takes for you to adjust is going to be different.” (16:50)

• On When to Listen to Homesickness:
  “If this is not a momentary feeling, but something you feel at least once a day intensely, and it’s not getting better, even gradually, then maybe it’s not homesickness. Maybe this is just not where you are meant to be.” (24:20)

• On Going No Contact:
  "Go no contact with the place you miss... every time you go back, there's a reinforcement loop at play." (29:42)

• On Rebuilding in the New Place:
  “Commit to just finding the things that you know you really need in a location in this new place so you have both that attachment to what you really loved and were grateful for and also this new excitement.” (31:17)

• On Balancing Novelty and Comfort:
  “You need the adventure, you need the novelty, you need the newness... And then also making sure you have time to make your home, make your room, make your space your safe space." (34:37)

• On Limiting Calls Home:
  "Try to only call home once or twice a week, maximum. This is going to be the hardest part…” (35:25)

• On the Emotional Price:
  “Every great thing always asks us to give up something else we truly love and think is great. There is always a trade off, always." (40:24)

Key Timestamps

• 03:06 – Jemma introduces the topic and frames homesickness as grief
• 06:30 – Explanation of stress response, place attachment, and evolutionary roots
• 10:14 – Discussion of nostalgia and its origins
• 13:00 – Adjustment, honeymoon period, and “emotional whiplash”
• 16:50 – Comparison trap and individual differences
• 23:51 – Jemma’s own recent experience with homesickness; when to listen to the feeling
• 25:45 – Adjustment timeline: 3 months/6 months/1 year
• 29:35 – No contact with home for first three months
• 31:17 – Finding favorites in your new neighborhood
• 33:54 – Balance between novelty (adventure) and comfort (coziness)
• 35:25 – Limit contact with home to break reinforcement cycles
• 38:21 – Brooklyn film quote about the transient nature of homesickness
• 40:24 – Life’s trade-offs and reframing the cost of homesickness

Closing Thoughts

Jemma concludes with encouragement and reassurance, acknowledging the pain and intensity of homesickness while reminding listeners of its temporary nature and the growth that comes from pushing through discomfort. Her parting advice is to be patient with the adjustment process, embrace both the sadness for what’s left behind and the excitement for what lies ahead, and recognize that choosing a “big life” inevitably involves periods of loss mingled with new joys.

“If you have made it this far, good luck. I know homesickness is really, really painful and really sad… and I’m also really, really proud of us. I’m really proud of you for doing the thing that is the hard thing. And I think you will most certainly be rewarded for that.” (42:41)

Further Engagement

• Leave a comment sharing where you’re experiencing homesickness from
• Follow @psychologyofyour20s on Instagram
• Watch episodes on Netflix if in the US or Canada

A comprehensive, empathic look at homesickness—complete with research, lived wisdom, and actionable tips for anyone navigating change in their 20s.