The Psychology Podcast

Episode: "From Coping to Capacity" w/ RaQuel Hopkins

Host: Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman
Guest: RaQuel Hopkins
Date: October 23, 2025

Episode Overview

In this thought-provoking episode, Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman interviews coach and clinical mental health counselor RaQuel Hopkins. Together, they explore the transformative journey from mere coping to building true capacity in life. Hopkins shares her insights on growth, identity, victimhood, and development, challenging the prevailing narratives in mental health culture. Through raw honesty and a spirit of inquiry, they discuss the importance of evolving beyond survival, integrating pain, and embracing human potential for all.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. RaQuel’s Background and Approach to Mental Health

• Hopkins' path: Initially intended to become a psychologist but diverted to business/HR before returning to mental health.
• Professional motivation: Not driven by social media fame, but by a genuine desire to help others grow beyond coping.
• Integration of perspectives: Uses clinical training, adult development theories (notably Robert Kegan’s work), and coaching practices.
• Observational research: Currently collaborating on defining “shrinking coping” and developing a “capacity framework.”
  “I just see myself as a person just wanting to serve and help.” - RaQuel Hopkins (09:36)

2. Capacity vs. Coping

• Coping: Foundation for managing immediate demands (boundaries, protecting peace, etc.).
• Capacity: Goes further—transformative integration of life experiences, enabling true growth and expansion of self.
• “Capacity is more about who you become, not necessarily what shapes you.” (10:08)
• New research focus: What causes people to "shrink" versus expand?
  • Top factors: Blame, self-protection, and mass misinterpretation of mental health concepts on social media. (11:30)

3. Victimhood Mindset & Identity Traps

• Discussion of how repetitive identification with pain can inhibit growth.
• Concern with “victimhood culture” and its limitations on personal expansion.
• Warning against identity labels becoming performance traps.
  • “The identity becomes a trap when it turns more into performance and you're having to prove something. There's no permission to take a break from said identity.” (32:14, 33:29)
• Encouragement to integrate pain rather than making it the centerpiece of identity.
  • “Pain is inevitable, but victimhood comes in when we start to create an identity around the pain.” (18:52)

4. Labels and the Problematic Expansion of Identity Categories

• Hopkins' take: Race and gender as context, not identity determinants.
• Critique of “men’s mental health,” “Black mental health,” etc. as unhelpful segregations.
  • “There's no such thing as Black mental health... It's just mental health, and mental health is universal.” (16:34)
• Pushback on training programs that foster limited, identity-first perspectives.

5. Talking Across Lines of Difference

• Societal tendency to place people in ideological “boxes” based on surface identities.
• Privilege discussion: RaQuel notes her “Black privilege” in being heard differently on certain messages than a white male peer.
  • “I have black privilege in this sense to say what the white person can't say.” (27:16)
• Both hosts discuss the double standards and their mutual desire to speak to "humanity in general." (50:50)

6. Performance, Vulnerability, and the Search for Meaning

• Rise of performative vulnerability (e.g., sharing pain online as identity) seen as an effort to satisfy existential needs like belonging and meaning.
  • “I think it's two things...freedom...is overwhelming...and the other thing is meaninglessness.” (37:07)
• Community formation around shared pain as both supportive and potentially limiting.

7. Developmental Pathways and Emotional Integration

• Hopkins outlines a developmental progression: survival, stability, strength, and stewardship.
• Echoes Erikson's theory but modifies it for ongoing adult development.
• Stresses the ability to hold complex emotions (e.g., sadness and joy simultaneously) as a sign of maturity.
  • “You have to have the ability to hold sadness and joy. And sometimes they coexist, and I'm okay with that.” (30:57)

8. Strategies for Shifting from Coping to Capacity

• Avoid overprotectiveness and over-reliance on “safe words” like “mental health.”
• Mental health as a system to optimize over time, not a shield or a tool for avoidance.
  • “Your mental health isn’t something that you protect. It shouldn’t become a shield... I think of it as a system: it’s how you think, feel, and behave, and that should evolve over time.” (42:18)
• For professionals: Avoid wrapping identity in being a helper; be comfortable sitting with others’ discomfort and ambiguity. (40:57)

9. On Criticism, Collaboration, and Generosity

• Hopkins shares an incident where a peer told her content was harmful. She maintains a generous stance, proposing collaboration rather than conflict.
  • “I don’t take myself that seriously... It doesn’t discredit what you believe in.” (49:14)

10. Parenting, Growth, and Breaking Cycles

• Discussion on raising children without instilling inferiority or overemphasis on race and victim narratives.
• Encourages nurturing curiosity and resilience instead of fear. (51:16, 53:45)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On social media and fame:
  • “I didn’t start this with having the capacity for social media. So I’m developing that over time.” (09:18)
• On professional alignment:
  • “I didn’t get into this industry because I wanted to cause harm.” (49:14)
• On race and context:
  • “Race, gender is just context. When anyone is presented in front of you, it just gives you context for that person.” (14:39)
• On boundaries and over-correction:
  • "Mental health has now become more like a safe word and mental health shouldn't be a safe word." (43:11)
• On pain and meaning:
  • “Your pain is not unique or special.” (per Dr. Scott's paraphrase, 53:45)
• On leading with values:
  • “I get emotional. Like, I don't know how to hate. I don't know how to hate even if you hate. For me that is hard. It does not feel right to my core.” (58:50)
• On mutual understanding:
  • “Even though we have a different colored skin, I really would like to believe we bonded here today over a similar human experience.” (64:57)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 02:17 – Hopkins explains how identity can become a performance trap.
• 09:36 – On social media growth, capacity, and motivation for public work.
• 10:08 – Defining capacity vs. coping.
• 14:39 – Race, gender, and training in mental health.
• 16:34 – Critique of identity-based mental health categories.
• 18:52 – Hopkins on pain, victimhood, and identity formation.
• 27:16 – Notion of “Black privilege” in the context of public discourse.
• 30:57 – Integrating sadness and joy; navigating real pain.
• 33:29 – Identity traps: “no permission to take a break” from performance.
• 40:57 – Shifting from short-term coping to long-term capacity.
• 42:18 – Optimizing mental health as an evolving system.
• 49:14 – Generosity in responding to critics and promoting collaboration.
• 50:50 – Speaking to humanity, not just demographic segments.
• 53:45 – “Your pain is not unique or special”—the universality and dangers of competitive suffering.
• 58:50 – Hopkins reflects on values and a refusal to hate.
• 64:57 – Shared human experiences beyond visible identity.

Episode Tone and Style

RaQuel is both direct and compassionate, challenging “over-correction” in modern mental health while acknowledging the reality of pain and systemic struggles. Dr. Scott is earnest, curious, and supportive, pushing toward nuance and mutual understanding. Their conversation is candid, layered, and deeply human—unafraid to delve into controversial territory in service of authentic dialogue about growth and healing.

For further exploration, follow RaQuel Hopkins online and check out Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman's new book "Rise: Overcome a Victim Mindset, Empower Yourself, and Realize Your Full Potential."