80-Year-Old Mom Is A Serial Cheater And Has Given Away $1M To An Internet Scammers

Summary

The Ramsey Show Highlights: Episode Summary Title: 80-Year-Old Mom Is A Serial Cheater And Has Given Away $1M To An Internet Scammers
Host/Author: Ramsey Network
Release Date: July 7, 2025

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1. Introduction to the Caller’s Situation

In this episode, a distressed caller reaches out to The Ramsey Show to seek advice regarding his 80-year-old mother-in-law's concerning behavior that poses a threat to her and her husband's financial stability. The caller outlines the family's predicament, emphasizing the long-standing marriage and previously stable financial condition.

Caller:

"Today I have two in laws who I love dearly. They are both in their mid to early 80s... they've built up a really nice nest egg probably to the tune of several, I want to say maybe three and a half, $4 million."
[00:05]

2. Financial Misconduct by Mother-in-Law

The caller divulges that his father-in-law, diagnosed with cancer and other health issues approximately a year and a half ago, entrusted his wife with access to their retirement accounts. Unfortunately, she misused this access, draining significant funds and funneling the money to online scammers.

Caller:

"When my father in law went to the hospital about a year ago, he decided to go ahead and give my mother in law access to her retirement account. Thinking that he didn't have much longer, she drained it, giving it to an online scammer."
[00:21]

John:

"Wait, three to four million?"
[01:10]

Caller:

"Well, no, no, there's several accounts. The one that he gave her access to was 3/4 of a million."
[01:12]

3. Concerns About Mental Health and Scamming

Further investigation revealed that the mother-in-law's financial troubles aren't isolated incidents. The caller suspects that her behavior may be linked to mental health issues, evidenced by her multiple Facebook profiles and a persistent but one-sided romantic relationship with an individual she's never met.

Caller:

"We think there's some mental illness there because there's like she's involved in a one way romantic relationship with this person she's never met... she's got multiple Facebook profiles, same picture, different name."
[01:48]

Despite involvement from the FBI and the police, she remains convinced of the legitimacy of her interactions with the scammer.

4. Challenges in Managing the Estate

The caller and his family grapple with the dilemma of managing the mother-in-law's finances while respecting her autonomy. They are concerned that without intervention, the mother-in-law may continue to deplete their joint assets, leaving the caller and his siblings financially burdened in the future.

Caller:

"We've asked him to make my husband or his brother executors of the estate. He says he has. We don't have evidence."
[03:20]

Dave Ramsey:

"What you're about to do is try to get the right judge on the right day... you want to get a court to conservatorship."
[06:18]

5. Advice from the Hosts

The hosts, Dave Ramsey and John, delve into potential solutions, highlighting the complexities of intervening in an elderly individual's financial affairs, especially when they may be resistant to external control.

Dave Ramsey:

"If I was in his shoes, I would petition a court for conservatorship."
[06:28]

John:

"This is one of those things where both solutions just sit to the side and say, hey, this is your life. I can't make you do anything."
[08:35]

6. Potential Legal Actions and Conservatorship

Dave elaborates on the legal avenues available, such as seeking conservatorship, which would allow the family to manage the mother-in-law's finances legally. However, he acknowledges the challenges, including the emotional toll and potential resistance from the mother-in-law.

Dave Ramsey:

"All you would have to prove is... she is a harm to herself. And you want to get a court to order psychological testing, etc."
[07:09]

He advises the caller to present the situation as a critical decision to the father-in-law, emphasizing the necessity of legal intervention to prevent financial ruin.

Dave Ramsey:

"You tell him... this is going to become a public matter. But we have to take our [mom's] health into account starting now."
[07:44]

7. Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Ultimately, the episode underscores the delicate balance between respecting an elderly individual's autonomy and ensuring their financial well-being. The hosts provide empathetic yet practical advice, encouraging proactive measures while recognizing the emotional and legal complexities involved.

George (Ad Segment):

"Check out DeleteMe... have already removed my info from over 250 websites."
[03:50-04:27]

Note: The ad segments have been summarized for context but are not included in the main content.

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Key Takeaways:

• Financial Vigilance: It's crucial to monitor and manage the financial affairs of elderly family members to prevent exploitation.
• Legal Intervention: Conservatorship can be a viable solution but comes with legal and emotional challenges.
• Mental Health Awareness: Suspected mental health issues can complicate financial management, necessitating professional evaluation.
• Family Dynamics: Navigating family relationships in such scenarios requires sensitivity and strategic communication.

This episode provides a comprehensive look into the complexities of elder financial abuse and offers actionable advice for families facing similar dilemmas.

Transcript

[George]

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[Caller]

Today I have two in laws who I love dearly. They are both in their mid to early 80s. My father in law, about a year and a half ago was diagnosed with cancer and a multiple multitude of other things. He's in very ill health. My mother in law is in fantastic health and the situation is this. They have been married for 60 years. They both had very well paying jobs, built up a really nice nest egg probably to the tune of several, I want to say maybe three and a half, $4 million. And my mother in law has never been responsible with money. My father in law has always been the one to handle the bills. They are debt free, doing well financially. And when my father in law went to the hospital about a year ago, he decided to go ahead and give my mother in law access to her retirement account. Thinking that he didn't have much longer, she drained it, giving it to an online scammer.

[John]

Wait, three to four million?

[Caller]

Well, no, no, there's several accounts. The one that he gave her access to was 3/4 of a million.

[John]

Okay, 3/4 of.

[Caller]

She drained that within about a week, giving it to some online scammers. She. We learned a lot after that incident in that this has been going on for years.

[John]

That she's been getting scammed.

[Caller]

Yes, yes. And she also has been cheating on her husband.

[Dave]

Well, that's what I was about to ask. Are you sure she's getting scammed or she willingly giving away money to boyfriends and other men?

[Caller]

Oh, no, she is, but we think there's some mental illness there because there's like she's involved in a one way romantic relationship with this person she's never met. And we've done some research. She's got multiple Facebook profiles, same picture, different name, you know, doing the same thing all over the country. So she has been visited by the FBI and the police and she still believes that what she's doing is on the up and up with this guy that she's never met.

[Dave]

Would she go get evaluated so that somebody can become the financial power of attorney before she just destroys her life?

[Caller]

Absolutely not. She absolutely. She thinks that she's vainer than all of us.

[John]

Okay, interesting.

[Caller]

So, yeah, so the conundrum that we have is that we. Well, when I say we, my husband and his brother have spoken to their dad about their concerns and we're not. But we're definitely not in a situation where we could provide for her for the next 20 years. If she does live that long. I mean she's in great health.

[Dave]

Sure.

[Caller]

And honestly after finding out what I found out, I wouldn't want to take care of her. And that sounds terrible, but there's a lot of upset in the family over what she's done to him and everybody else. She's even gone to her own son and asked for money to pay bills which she has none. My father in law pays all the bills. She even reverse mortgaged her car that he paid off to give this guy money. And she's run up credit card debt. So she's in her 80s and she's got nothing in her name solely. What is left is in their name jointly. And we've asked him to make my husband or his brother executors of the estate. He says he has. We don't have evidence.

[John]

Why do you think he's dragging his feet on this? Because like what, what you're observing third and fourth party. Obviously he's been side by side for however long they've been married. So he's known about this longer and closer up than you guys have. Why do you think that he is in denial about this? Or why? You know what I'm saying? What's stopping him?

[George]

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[John]

What's stopping him?

[Caller]

We don't know. We've had conversations, you know, amongst ourselves about what that reason could possibly be working to use because he's a very intelligent man and she is too, honestly. But not about this. And so we're working to use because if he's known about this for this long, not to this extent, obviously he's just finding out about the gravity of it.

[John]

But your biggest concern is he does nothing. He passes away and she blows through this money quickly and now I'm going to be on the hook to take care of her. And I don't even like her like that. That's basically where you're at exact.

[Caller]

Bingo. And, and, and you know, side. Side note, my husband and I, I'm in my late 40s, he's in his mid-50s. We're going to be debt free in the next two years. We've worked aggressively to get to that point. And I don't want to go into debt to take care of somebody else who is.

[John]

You don't. And you don't have to. And you don't have to. There's a part of this, and John, this is your territory, but there's part of this where they had their life with their choices. And there are times where, when you feel the need to swoop in or, you know, you can swoop in, or some of us is like, yeah, I, I plan to take care of my parents when they go into their latter years. Like, they already kind of have it in their mind, you know, for whatever reasons, whether it's because they misbehaved with money or even if they didn't, they just caught a lot of bad breaks and they feel like it's their need to step in and kind of help. But those are choices. It's not, it's, it's not. You must do this and it's your responsibility to do this. I, I think those are hard lines to draw. But I, I do think that that's the truth of the matter. I mean, John, what do you think about that?

[Dave]

Honestly, I would. Well, there's a couple things here. You have to understand that there's not a lot you personally can do.

[John]

Right.

[Dave]

And that's heartbreaking. Your husband can. And if I was in his shoes, I would petition a court for conservatorship.

[Caller]

Okay, well, that was, that was why I was calling to see if there's anything that we could do to prevent this catastrophe.

[Dave]

The only thing, what they'll do is potentially, and again, you are just throwing a Hail Mary pass, hoping somebody catches it, getting the right judge on the right day. But what you would have to prove is, hey, this has continued over a series of years. My dying elderly father in law, or in your husband's case, my dying dad, moves money over that she gave to an online scammer. The FBI has been here, here's all this. And she's taking out loans. Basically, she is a harm to herself. And you want to get a court. The court can order psychological testings, etc.

[John]

And you're going to have to deal with the, the down, you know, like the outcome of all that, that's going to be the hard part on you is they're going to fight against this. They're going to.

[Dave]

He might not, but she might. But you can tell him we're about to go to court to try to get. And he might say oh thank God I don't have to do it. Like who knows? So you're, you're about to say something. What are you about to say?

[Caller]

Well, actually it's used to what you were just about to say yourself. That was going to be my question. What if he does not want to go that process? And I don't think that he will because honestly I think that there's a part of him that's very embarrassed about this. I mean we're just finding out about this and it's been going on to certain degrees for 60 years.

[Dave]

So this is, it's as simple as telling him this is going to come. You can sign this over to us and it stays with us or this is going to become a public matter. But we have to take our. I have to take my mom's health into account starting now. Because here's the deal your husband and his brothers are faced with. Do we watch our mom burn her life to the ground or do we go down swinging? And I'm going to use. I'm forget ego. Dad, you have one choice. You can, I mean you have two choices. One, this becomes public because we're going to go to court and try to get mom's conservatorship over mom's money. Or two, you sign over all of your personal finances so we can stop her from burning the house down. That's really your two choices. And I would tell my 80 year old dad that he gets to choose, but we're going to court because we see how this thing ends at the very end.

[John]

Yeah, unfortunately, I think this is one of those things where both solutions just sitting to the side and saying, hey, this is your life. I can't make you do anything. That's tough. And the other option, which is really being very proactive, that's going to have its own set of challenges and that's going to be very tough as well.

[George]

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