Charge My Mom Rent To Live With Me?

Summary

Summary of "Charge My Mom Rent To Live With Me?" Episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights

Release Date: February 20, 2025 | Duration: Approximately 5 Minutes

---

Introduction

In this episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights, hosted by the Ramsey Network, listeners are presented with real-life financial dilemmas and receive expert advice to navigate them. The featured episode titled "Charge My Mom Rent To Live With Me?" delves into the complexities of supporting an aging parent financially while striving to maintain personal financial goals.

---

Listener's Dilemma

Kurt from Florida poses a heartfelt question to the show:

"I'm a 30-year-old business professional making six figures with a car payment and a mortgage. I bought a home in Florida mainly for my mom who now lives with me. I cover all the household expenses, including food and bills. She receives a thousand in Social Security every month, which she doesn't touch, even though I ask her to at least contribute to the cost of groceries. My mom also pressures me to send money to relatives in another country, even though I've explained that I don't have much left after my financial priorities. Am I wrong for asking her to contribute financially even though I can technically afford it? How do I set boundaries without feeling guilty or jeopardizing my financial goals? My father passed away three years ago, so it's just me and her."
[00:02]

Kurt expresses feelings of resentment and frustration over the financial strain of supporting his mother, especially given her limited income and additional financial pressures.

---

Expert Advice on Setting Boundaries

Speaker B addresses Kurt's concerns with practical and straightforward advice:

"How do I set boundaries without feeling guilty or jeopardizing my financial goals? Yes. You don't. You don't. You set boundaries."
[00:52]

Drawing inspiration from Dr. Becky Kennedy, Speaker B emphasizes that boundaries are personal commitments that require no action from others:

"Dr. Becky Kennedy says boundaries are something that require nothing of somebody else and they require me to act. And so I'm setting a boundary here."
[00:52 - 01:00]

He reinforces that feeling guilty is natural but should not deter one from making necessary decisions:

"Your body might feel guilty, your body might feel shamed... But then I'm going to go on and do the next right thing because I'm not going to be dragged around by my feelings by the nose."
[00:58 - 01:10]

---

Assessing Responsibility and Decisions

Speaker B challenges Kurt's approach to managing his mother's finances:

"Is he wrong for asking her to contribute financially? No. Is she going to? No. [...] What are you going to do? You going to kick your mom out over her not paying $500 in whatever bills you get? What I'm saying, like, what are you going to do?"
[01:43 - 02:05]

He points out that Kurt initiated the living arrangement but is now facing its challenges, highlighting the need for Kurt to make a definitive choice:

"He set the whole thing up and his mom looked at him was like, yeah, I'm not doing that. And so you have a decision to make."
[02:01 - 02:05]

---

Financial Realities and Tough Love

The discussion shifts to the financial implications of Kurt's situation. Speaker B underscores the insufficiency of his mother's Social Security benefits:

"My father passed away three years ago, so it's just me and her."
[User's Context]

"He makes 12,000 GS a year."
[Speaker B]

Acknowledging the emotional burden, Speaker B delivers tough love:

"Move on with your life. Stop feeling pressured to do something that you can't afford to do."
[02:22 - 03:00]

He outlines Kurt's options starkly:

• Sell the house and let his mother fend for herself.
• Continue sharing the home and bearing the financial strain.

"You're going to kick your mom out and go on about your life, or you're going to make peace with the fact that your mom gets a thousand bucks a month and she shoves it in an account somewhere..."
[03:00 - 04:07]

---

Choosing a Positive Perspective

Shifting the narrative, the hosts introduce a more uplifting perspective inspired by Dr. John Deloney and Deion Sanders:

"Choose freedom. As my friend Dr. John Deloney says."
[04:16 - 04:19]

Speaker B shares an anecdote about Deion Sanders to illustrate gratitude in caregiving:

"Dion walks back there and he was having a conversation with somebody and he said the phrase, I'm so blessed that I'm in a position that I get to take care of my mom."
[04:35 - 05:11]

He encourages seeing caregiving as a blessing rather than a burden:

"You can choose that way of seeing the world... You're just not going to choose misery anymore."
[04:19 - 05:13]

---

Practical Solutions

In response to the financial constraints, possible solutions are discussed:

"If you get rid of this car payment, that's kind of like what mom would have given you for groceries. So you can kind of create that income for yourself by getting rid of this car that you couldn't afford."
[04:07 - 04:16]

"Choose freedom. You're taking care of your mom. What a blessing. What a blessing."
[04:19 - 04:35]

---

Closing Remarks

The episode concludes with a light-hearted comment appreciating Kurt's self-identification as a "business professional," highlighting the show's personable nature:

"My favorite part of this question is the fact that he referenced himself as a business professional. I've just never heard that in real life. And I appreciate that, Kurt."
[05:13 - 05:23]

Additionally, a brief plug for Y Refi, an ad segment, is integrated seamlessly:

"Why Refi Refinances delinquent private student loans for struggling borrowers. Learn more at Y R E F Y dot."
[05:26]

---

Key Takeaways

1. Setting Boundaries is Crucial: It's important to establish financial boundaries without succumbing to guilt, ensuring personal financial health isn't compromised.

2. Tough Decisions May Be Necessary: Sometimes, difficult choices like altering living arrangements are essential for long-term stability and peace of mind.

3. Perspective Matters: Viewing caregiving as a blessing can transform the emotional experience, fostering gratitude over resentment.

4. Practical Adjustments Can Alleviate Strain: Simple changes, such as eliminating unnecessary expenses, can create financial breathing room.

---

Conclusion

This episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights effectively navigates the intricate balance between familial responsibilities and personal financial well-being. Through candid discussion and expert advice, listeners gain valuable insights into managing similar situations with compassion and practicality.

Transcript

[A]

Brought to you by Y Refi. Refinance your defaulted private student loans [e-mail] Ramsey Today's question comes from Kurt in Florida. I'm a 30 year old business professional making six figures with a car payment and a mortgage. I bought a home in Florida mainly for my mom who now lives with me. I cover all the household expenses, including food and bills. She receives a thousand in Social Security every month, which she doesn't touch, even though I ask her to at least contribute to the cost of groceries. My mom also pressures me to send money to relatives in another country, even though I've explained that I don't have much left after my financial priorities. Am I wrong for asking her to contribute financially even though I can technically afford it? How do I set boundaries without feeling guilty or jeopardizing my financial goals? My father passed away three years ago, so it's just me and her.

[B]

Let's start at the end here. How do I set boundaries without feeling guilty or jeopardizing my financial goals? Yes. You don't. You don't. You set boundaries. I love how Dr. Becky Kennedy says boundaries are something that require nothing of somebody else and they require me to act. And so I'm setting a boundary here. I'm not going to put any more money out there or I'm not going to send any money overseas. And then your body might feel guilty, your body might feel shamed for bit, whatever, fine. But then I'm going to go on and do the next right thing because I'm not going to be dragged around by my feelings by the nose. And is it, am I wrong for asking her to contribute financially? No. Is she going to? No. So what are you going to do? You going to kick your mom out over her not paying $500 in whatever bills you get? What I'm saying, like, I mean, what are you going to do?

[A]

Well, it sounds like he's, by the way this is all phrased, he's resentful that he even is in this position. I bought a home in Florida mainly for my mom. She gets this money, I ask her to contribute and she's not doing it. She's asking me to do this for relatives in the other country. So he's fed up with this whole situation that he's put himself in.

[B]

He set the whole thing up and his mom looked at him was like, yeah, I'm not doing that. And so you have a decision to.

[A]

Make and you want to be an honorable son, which I think is what has caused a lot of this. Of saying, well, mom didn't prepare for retirement. She makes a thousand bucks a month, which by the way, is below poverty level.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And now I need to float her bills. Oh, and by the way, dad passed away, so now I'm the man of the house needing to provide for her.

[B]

Oh, by the way, she pressures me. Dude, you're a grown man. You just bought a house. Stop feeling pressured to do something that you can't afford to do. Move on with your life. So here's, this is some tough love here, George. Here's Kurt's options. Sell the house, tell mom you're on your own. You make 12,000 GS a year. Go make it happen. Or. Or continue to share a house with your mom and continue to pay the bills and choose every day. I'm not going to choose misery by walking around looking at all the stuff she's not doing that I wish she would. Move on with your life, right? There's not a. There's no gray area here, right? You're going to kick your mom out and go on about your life, or you're going to make peace with the fact that your mom gets a thousand bucks a month and she shoves it in an account somewhere, probably going to you, but maybe going overseas, whatever. Fine. Um, I'm just to a point now, George, where we create these situations and what we want is for everything to be exactly how we want it and perfect. And I get to say what I. You can do that. But every one of those conversations, every one of those demands, everyone's boundaries, comes with consequences. And the consequence might be cool, your mom's out on the street, that's. That could be a consequence. It might be that your mom nags you. Okay, I'm moving on with my life. Right? It might be that you're frustrated because your other 30 year old buddies are doing out doing stuff. They're hanging out, they're dating, having fun and you're stuck here taking care of your mom. I get that. That sucks, man. That's hard. And what an amazing place to be that you get to help and take care of your mom. Right? You get to do that. And maybe you got to sell your car instead of having a car payment and you make six figures and you wanted to drive a Lexus, but all I can afford is a Camry because I'm a guy who gets to take care of his mom because I make six figures. Wake. What a blessing. Move on with your life. Stop the all the time.

[A]

That's what I'm thinking about if you get rid of this car payment, that's kind of like what mom would have given you for groceries. So you can kind of create that income for yourself by getting rid of this car that you couldn't afford.

[B]

Choose to not be miserable.

[A]

Choose freedom. As my friend Dr. John Deloney says.

[B]

That guy's usually wrong, but on that one, I think he's right. Choose freedom. You're taking care of your mom. What a blessing. What a blessing. It was backstage at a John Maxwell event I was speaking at, and the other speaker you may have never heard of, his name's Deion Sanders.

[A]

Heard of him.

[B]

Talk about feeling.

[A]

One of my top three favorite Dions.

[B]

Talk about feeling good about yourself. And then he walks back and, oh, oh, he's keynote after you. Right? So Dion walks back there and he was having a conversation with somebody and he said the phrase, I'm so blessed that I'm in a position that I get to take care of my mom. And I remember thinking, what an amazing perspective shift. I have to take care of my parents. I have to. I get to. Amazing, right? And so you can choose that way of seeing the world, or you can choose that the whole world's out to get me and my mom is blowing her thousand dollars by sending it to other people in other countries who may need it to.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So I'm just not going to choose misery anymore.

[A]

My favorite part of this question is the fact that he referenced himself as a business professional. I've just never heard that in real life. And I appreciate that, Kurt. I'm going to refer to myself as a business professional.

[B]

I think you qualify for a business professional, or as they say in the.

[A]

Biz, a bp why Refi Refinances delinquent private student loans for struggling borrowers. Learn more at Y R E F Y dot.