Did I Make A Mistake Financially Helping My Daughter?

Summary

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Episode Overview

Podcast: The Ramsey Show Highlights
Episode: Did I Make A Mistake Financially Helping My Daughter?
Date: February 7, 2026
Hosts: Dave Ramsey & Ken Coleman
Caller: George

This episode centers on George, a father who is financially assisting his recently divorced daughter by co-signing on her mortgage and making payments she cannot afford. George seeks advice on whether this ongoing support was a financial mistake and what the best path forward is for his family. Dave and Ken guide him through the complexities of family support, financial boundaries, and how to prioritize both financial and emotional well-being.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Background on the Dilemma

• George's situation: His daughter received the family house in her divorce but cannot afford the refinanced mortgage. She is going to school for teaching, works part-time as a paraprofessional, and has two children (ages 13 and 10). George and his wife have been covering the mortgage inconsistently, especially during tougher months like holidays.
  [00:06–01:27]

• Co-signing: George and his wife co-signed for the mortgage so their daughter could qualify. She’s struggling to pay; George is concerned about the sustainability of this arrangement.

2. Assessing Sustainability and Possible Solutions

• Is this sustainable?

  • Dave Ramsey: “I don’t think this is sustainable.” [01:48]
  • Ken Coleman: Reiterates it's not sustainable, recommends a hard conversation with the daughter about selling the house and renting instead. [01:49–02:02]

• Concerns about uprooting grandkids: George hesitates to sell because he doesn't want to disrupt his grandchildren’s lives.

  • Ken Coleman: Emphasizes that, post-divorce, “it’s not the house they need. They need her.” Also notes the emotional baggage tied to the house makes selling a potentially positive move. [03:30–04:21]

• Thinking of the house as an investment: George labels the property "beautiful" and a potential investment, while recognizing he doesn’t want to live there.

  • Ken & Dave: Challenge George’s mixed motives, suggesting his justifications are putting more money into a financial “pit.” [04:21–04:54]

3. Financial Review and Setting Boundaries

• George’s finances: He and his wife have a net worth around $500,000. Dave points out he isn’t in a position to float his daughter or buy the property outright. [05:17–05:19]

• Direct advice:

  • Dave: “We’ve been artificially propping this whole situation up. We love you, we want to help you, but we can’t take this mortgage on and you can’t either.” [05:39]
  • Ken Coleman: “Let's get out of this house... we're just spinning our tires.” [03:30]

4. Complicating Family Dynamics

• Daughter’s personal life: She is with a new partner and spends little time at the house—George sometimes uses the place for skiing. Questions arise around why to keep the house if it’s no longer central to the family.

  • Ken Coleman: “You keep giving us more reasons to list this house this afternoon.” [06:01]
  • Dave: “This is already messy. Who’s going to get all the equity when you sell?” [06:40]

• On reimbursement: George hopes his daughter will reimburse some of the money given if the house is sold, but there is no agreement on this. Dave warns that lack of clarity can breed conflict. [06:56]

5. Addressing Rationalizations & Emotional Attachments

• Ken identifies conflicting motives: Lightheartedly points out George enjoys skiing at the property, casting doubt on who’s truly benefiting.

  • Ken Coleman: “For a guy who co signed on it, who needs more net worth, I would be unloading this house.” [06:23]

• Grandchildren’s experience: George justifies keeping the house for the kids, but it becomes clear the family moves frequently and the house no longer holds the same significance.

  • Dave Ramsey: “It’s clear that this house means not a lot to these kids anymore. They’re already getting taken every which way to different houses, so what’s the difference?” [08:02]

6. Setting Healthy Financial Boundaries

• Principle for family support: Dave closes with guidelines:
  • “If you’re going to help, it should be: 1. Temporary, 2. Intentional, 3. Conditional.” [08:39]
  • Helping should have clear boundaries, expectations, and time limits. Support should not become an “open-ended pit” or “hammock.” [08:39–09:28]
  • “You want this to be a safety net, not a hammock. And it’s quickly turning into the latter.” [09:28]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On sustainability:

• Dave Ramsey [01:48]: “I don’t think this is sustainable.”
• Ken Coleman [01:49]: “No.”

Principles for helping family:

• Dave Ramsey [08:39]: “If you’re going to help, it should be 1 temporary, 2. Intentional, 3. Conditional. Not open ended, not, ‘Could be a good investment, and we’re going to co sign…’ There needs to be very clear boundaries.”

On the kids' real needs:

• Ken Coleman [03:30]: “…Their life, by the way, has already been wrecked. So it’s not the house they need. They need her.”

On emotional attachment and money pits:

• Ken Coleman [04:24]: “You keep trying to justify pouring money into this pit that she cannot get out of.”

On rationalizing ski trips:

• Ken Coleman [06:12]: “Oh, so now papa's getting some benefits here. Jeff enjoys this house. This isn't about her.”

On reality vs. hope:

• Dave Ramsey [05:39]: “We’ve been artificially propping this whole situation up. We love you, we want to help you, but we can’t take this mortgage on and you can’t either. And we need to face the reality here.”

Financial support boundaries:

• Dave Ramsey [09:28]: “You want this to be a safety net, not a hammock. And it's quickly turning into the latter.”

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Important Timestamps

• 00:06–01:27: George explains the situation, co-signing, and ongoing support.
• 01:29–02:02: Discussion of whether keeping the house is feasible long-term.
• 03:30–04:21: Emotional considerations; kids’ needs and the house’s role.
• 04:21–04:54: Investment rationalization and Ken/Dave pushing back.
• 05:17–05:19: George’s financial picture; advice on boundaries.
• 06:01–06:40: More personal dynamics, property use, and call for selling.
• 07:12–07:19: Dave seeking clarity about potential reimbursement.
• 08:02–08:24: Real talk on the emotional reality for the kids.
• 08:39–09:28: Dave summarizes principles for healthy family financial help.

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Summary

This episode delivers a candid exploration of the pitfalls in financially supporting adult children, especially when real estate, emotional baggage, and family dynamics are involved. Dave and Ken gently but firmly guide George to see that indefinite financial support and rationalizing property investments ultimately do more harm than good—emotionally, relationally, and financially. The solution: set clear boundaries, deal with reality, sell the property, and allow everyone to move forward with healthier expectations and independence.

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

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[Caller (George)]

It's our daughter's house that I'm wondering about. She got divorced about a year ago and she got the house, but she also got the mortgage with it. But there's plenty of. There's about half of it. She has good assets, you know, half the value. But she had to refinance it for half of it and she really can't afford it. So we've been helping her and just wondering if we did the wrong thing. Probably co signing for that so she could qualify and.

[Dave Ramsey]

Oh, you co signed for the mortgage.

[Caller (George)]

You did? Yes, for the refinance. Yeah. And you're helping her because she, she can't afford the payments right now. She's going to school and working part time. Yes.

[Dave Ramsey]

So how much are you. Are you guys giving her every month?

[Caller (George)]

Varied. I mean, sometimes she'd come up with the full mortgage. Got close to Christmas there. We didn't even see a payment through all men because. So it's kind of been biting us a little bit there.

[Dave Ramsey]

And she's working full time, part time and going to.

[Caller (George)]

Going to school for teaching right now too.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay, what is she doing for work?

[Caller (George)]

She's working in a school setting as a paraprofessional, they call them.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay, so let's fast forward. She's done with school, she's a teacher making, I don't know, $50,000. Is that.

[Caller (George)]

Yeah, maybe a little more up in this area.

[Dave Ramsey]

Can she afford her life on her own in this house at that time or is it still going to be tight?

[Caller (George)]

What's the time would tell?

[Ken Coleman]

Well, let's ask you specifically, what's the mortgage payment?

[Caller (George)]

Mortgage is 1700amonth.

[Ken Coleman]

So there's your answer.

[Dave Ramsey]

I don't think this is sustainable.

[Ken Coleman]

No.

[Dave Ramsey]

I think you need to have a hard conversation with her and say, hey, we're gonna need to sell this house. It's not sustainable for you. It's not sustainable for us. And she can rent for the time being, right, While she's in school.

[Caller (George)]

Yeah. Our area up here, there's not a lot of good areas. Housing. And how old is she? 43. We're kind of just looking out for the grandkids mostly.

[Ken Coleman]

How old are they?

[Caller (George)]

13 and 10. Kind of don't want to have to see him get taken out of the house right away, you know?

[Ken Coleman]

I know we don't.

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[Ken Coleman]

I know we don't, but this is not sustainable, as George said. This is. And you're a great father, by the way. Like, you are a phenomenal dad, but this isn't your burden.

[Dave Ramsey]

This could be forever.

[Ken Coleman]

This could be.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah, like, once she gets used to you floating two grand a month, why would she go up? I don't want to take that anymore. Maybe at some point she gets on her feet, but that could be years and years from now.

[Ken Coleman]

But she actually can get on her feet if you get her out of this pit.

[Caller (George)]

That's what I say. But she could probably go put a good down payment somewhere cheaper and have a smaller payment for sure.

[Ken Coleman]

Right, but that's my point. So let's get out of this house. You guide her through this, say, hey, we've been helping you this way, but it's actually not helping. We're just spinning our tires. And here's how we want to help you. We're going to guide you through this. Let's sell the house, get out from underneath this, get a lower payment if she needs to rent for a year or two until she gets the teacher salary, you know, the kids are going to be fine as long as the 10 and the 13 year old are with her. Their life, by the way, has already been wrecked. So it's not the house they need. They need her. And to be completely honest with you, that house has got some trauma associated with it. So I could make the case that the best thing to do. Not just financially, George, emotionally, I think this is the best thing to do.

[Caller (George)]

I'm thinking of an investment, though. It's such beautiful property.

[Ken Coleman]

And again, you know what you keep doing, though? You keep trying to justify pouring money into this pit that she cannot get out of.

[Dave Ramsey]

If you want to sell back to you, she can sell it to you. She can be yours to deal with.

[Caller (George)]

Let's put this way, I actually thought about that, but I don't know if I want to go that route. You know, I don't want to own a property in the country.

[Dave Ramsey]

You just told us it was a beautiful property and it's a Great. It could be a great investment. So which one is.

[Caller (George)]

Is a great investment? I don't want to live here.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay, then we're not. Good. Then we need to get out of it. There's a lot of beautiful properties that I don't want to own, and this isn't. This is one of them. So here's the deal. Are you guys in a good place financially?

[Caller (George)]

We're sitting. Okay. Yeah. I'm retired. My wife's still working.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay. I mean, you got. What's your net worth?

[Caller (George)]

Maybe about 500,000.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay. So you're not in a place to go buy property. You're not in a place to float your daughter, you know, a few grand a month. And I think you need to be honest with her and just tell her, hey, we've been artificially propping this whole situation up. We love you, we want to help you, but we can't take this mortgage on and you can't either. And we need to face the reality here.

[Caller (George)]

That's probably good advice.

[Dave Ramsey]

Do you guys have room in the house if she temporarily stayed with you?

[Caller (George)]

No, but there's. There's another. There's another. She's involved with someone else, and she's barely at this place. At this house, actually, because she's at his house.

[Dave Ramsey]

Whoa. Okay, so there's another man in the picture.

[Caller (George)]

Yeah, and he's got a cabin, so they're up there all the time. And I.

[Ken Coleman]

You keep giving us more reasons to list this house this afternoon.

[Caller (George)]

I agree, but I. I come up here and ski, and I use it as kind of recreational.

[Ken Coleman]

Oh. Oh, so now papa's getting some benefits here. Jeff enjoys this house. This isn't about her.

[Caller (George)]

Well, maybe not, but.

[Ken Coleman]

Oh, no, I'm going to remove the maybe. It's not about her. She's in the cabin with the new dude. And you're the one that's up there skiing and telling us how great a property it is. But I don't want to live here. And I got to say, for a guy who co signed on it, who needs more net worth, I would be unloading this house.

[Dave Ramsey]

And by the way, this is already messy. Who's going to get all the equity when you sell?

[Caller (George)]

She will.

[Dave Ramsey]

So you're not taking a dime from the proceeds of the house.

[Caller (George)]

I'm hoping that she'd have enough where she could reimburse some of the money we've been throwing out there.

[Dave Ramsey]

Well, that's a whole new conversation. Have you guys talked about that and agreed to it when you co signed the Mortgage is that, hey, you're going to reimburse us for what we've paid you? Because that'd be a shock to me if I was your son. And this was a big surprise at the end.

[Caller (George)]

Yeah, I mean, we knew she wasn't going to make the payment. With her income of, you know, what she was making.

[Ken Coleman]

I'm not so sure. You didn't go. Well, I really like the skiing up in this part of the woods and I could help my daughter out at the same time. I mean, can you not get a Motel 6 near the ski slope?

[Caller (George)]

Yeah, I know.

[Ken Coleman]

They tell me they leave the light on.

[Caller (George)]

It's actually more. More the kids than me, I think for me.

[Ken Coleman]

Oh no, you're all over the place, man.

[Dave Ramsey]

The kids staying there alone while she's at the cabin. How is this working?

[Caller (George)]

Well, you guys are both talking. I couldn't hear.

[Ken Coleman]

I know, it's my fault. I was trying to be a smart Alec. Go ahead, George.

[Dave Ramsey]

I'm just confused. So the. It's about the kids now, but the kids are staying at the house. She's at this other guy's house. I'm just confused by the whole situation.

[Caller (George)]

They're all, they're all. They all go to the other guy's house. You know, they spit the gold hair, they spit here.

[Dave Ramsey]

It's clear that this house means not a lot to these kids anymore. They're already getting taken every which way to different houses. So what's the difference? I would sell this and get out from under it. Take all the risk out from under your feet and then you can go rent a spot if you want to go ski anytime you want. And with the money you save from getting out of this dumpster fire, you can afford to go enjoy some skiing.

[Ken Coleman]

Sorry, Jeff. I mean, we're for you. You called us. You, you talked yourself right into the corner.

[Caller (George)]

I kind of knew what you guys were going to say. I listen to you guys all the time.

[Ken Coleman]

Well, that's good. I'm glad we didn't disappoint. That's. That's always good. But you're a good man.

[Dave Ramsey]

But hey, the key is here's the principle. Underneath it, if you're going to help, it should be 1 temporary, 2. Intentional, 3. Conditional. That's what you need. Not open ended, not well, it could be a good investment. And we're going to co sign. There needs to be very clear boundaries. Anytime you help. Yeah, and we never loan money, so. I like that you didn't do that. But if it's going to be a gift. It needs to be. Hey, we're going to gift you this for the next six months. And here's what's going to happen after that. You're going to be out of school. You're going to have a job. You're going to be taking this on. We will not be giving you another dime after that. And that's not callous. That's actually good for her because she's a grown woman and she needs to live her own life and not be propped up by mom and dad at this point.

[Ken Coleman]

And he could take that savings, maybe invest in me with my Christmas pop up with the Condor.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah, you want this to be a safety net, not a hammock. And it's quickly turning into the ladder.

[Ken Coleman]

I'll just ship it up to the ski area. Let's park it outside the lodge. Me and Jeff sitting out in our laundry.

[Dave Ramsey]

Let go of the dream, Ken.

[Ken Coleman]

I believe they call that a callback. James.

[Dave Ramsey]

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