Don't Get Married To This Girl!

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Don't Get Married To This Girl!"

Episode Information:

• Title: Don't Get Married To This Girl!
• Host/Author: Ramsey Network
• Release Date: July 15, 2025

Overview: In this episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights, the host Dave Ramsey, alongside guest John DeLoney, delves into the complexities of financial disagreements in relationships and their potential impact on marriage. The discussion centers around a listener, Mike, who faces significant financial discord with his girlfriend, raising concerns about their future together.

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1. Listener's Dilemma: Financial Disagreements Before Marriage

[00:06 - 01:04]

Mike, a 36-year-old nearing his birthday, reaches out with concerns about proposing to his girlfriend due to conflicting financial philosophies. While they agree on most aspects of their relationship, Mike envisions a future where they combine finances. His plans include renting out his recently sold land for $180,000, paying off his house within four years, and eventually purchasing a larger home together. Conversely, his girlfriend insists on a prenuptial agreement, citing differing approaches to money management.

Notable Quote:

• Mike expresses his frustration: “...she wants to sign a prenup, which, you know, I don't agree with, and I see no reason for it...” [00:52]

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2. Expert Analysis: The Root of Financial Conflicts

[01:01 - 04:06]

Dave Ramsey addresses Mike's predicament by highlighting that financial disputes are the leading cause of divorce in North America. He emphasizes that disagreements over money often reflect deeper value misalignments. According to Ramsey, when one partner prioritizes certain financial goals over the relationship's stability, it signals differing core values.

Key Insights:

• Value Alignment: Ramsey explains that "she doesn't agree with how you're spending your money, and our value systems are not aligned." [02:41]
• Behavior as Communication: Referencing Dr. John DeLoney, Ramsey notes, “behavior is a language,” suggesting that financial disagreements are a manifestation of underlying value conflicts. [02:12]

Notable Quotes:

• Dave Ramsey: “If something were to happen to you tomorrow, would your family know where to find your life insurance policy, your will, even your Netflix password?” [02:13]

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3. The Influence of Family: Prenups and Parental Expectations

[04:23 - 04:34]

Mike reveals that his girlfriend's reluctance towards merging finances and her insistence on a prenup may be influenced by her mother's outlook. Her mother believes in maintaining separate finances as a safeguard against potential relationship failures, fostering a mindset that equates financial separation with relationship instability.

Notable Quote:

• Mike shares: “She goes to therapy to work on all that because she doesn't agree with her mom and she doesn't like that outlook.” [04:44]

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4. Four Pillars of a Successful Marriage: Alignment on Key Issues

[04:34 - 08:22]

Dave Ramsey outlines four essential areas where couples must align to ensure a lasting marriage:

1. Money: Shared financial goals and transparent money management.
2. In-laws: Harmonious relationships with extended family.
3. Children: Mutual agreement on parenting and family planning.
4. Religion: Shared spiritual beliefs and practices.

Ramsey underscores the importance of premarital counseling and an adequate engagement period (six months to a year and a half) to address and reconcile differences in these areas. He cites research indicating that couples who align on these pillars have a 90% probability of a lasting marriage.

Notable Quotes:

• Dave Ramsey: “...there are four things that if you're aligned on them, statistically, you will have a 90% probability of your marriage lasting.” [06:54]
• Ramsey emphasizes the need for premarital counseling: “...a good pre marriage counselor and help you work through that.” [08:12]

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5. Recommendations: Moving Forward with Caution

[08:22 - 09:39]

Ramsey advises Mike to delay the proposal and invest time in addressing the financial and value differences through counseling. He suggests that despite the current incompatibilities, with intentional effort and alignment on key issues, the relationship has the potential to evolve positively. Ramsey also reflects on his own long-term marriage successes, attributing them to early and consistent alignment on fundamental life aspects.

Notable Quotes:

• Dave Ramsey: “Please do not get engaged and get married. Because you're statistically, you have almost no chance.” [04:23]
• John DeLoney adds, “...what she was dealing with was fear based and it wouldn't have mattered who the guy was.” [06:29]

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6. Concluding Thoughts: The Importance of Timing and Readiness

[09:30 - End]

Wrapping up, Ramsey reiterates the criticality of ensuring both partners are financially and emotionally prepared for marriage. He highlights that while Mike's relationship has potential, the current financial discord signals a need for further development and understanding before making a lifelong commitment.

Final Advice:

• Engage in premarital counseling.
• Ensure alignment on money, in-laws, children, and religion.
• Maintain a reasonable engagement period to solidify the relationship foundation.

Notable Quote:

• Dave Ramsey: “...pre marriage counseling, aligned on those four things and a reasonable length of engagement... you'll still be married 25 years later.” [08:42]

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Conclusion: "Don't Get Married To This Girl!" serves as a profound reminder of the intricate role finances play in romantic relationships. Through Mike's story, Dave Ramsey and John DeLoney articulate the importance of aligning on core values and financial strategies to foster a resilient and enduring marriage. Listeners are encouraged to introspect and engage in open dialogues with their partners to ensure a harmonious and financially stable partnership.

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

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[Mike]

All right, so I'm 36 or about to be, and I want to propose to my girlfriend. But we disagree on finances. We agree on everything else, but the problem is I want to combine finances. She has a rental property, and I have a house. I just sold a piece of land that I'm going to walk away with 180,000. No one pay off my house. I have a budget made. A budget. It's paid off in about four years, and I want to rent it out and then buy a bigger house with her. And, you know, I talked to her about, you know, paying off my house quickly and then throwing much money at her rental and pay that off faster so that we have, you know, more cash flow coming in from the two houses. Well, she wants, you know, say, if we do get married, she wants to sign a prenup, which, you know, I don't agree with, and I see no reason for it because, you know, your.

[Dave Ramsey]

Asset base is fairly similar.

[Mike]

Right.

[Dave Ramsey]

And so you're not. You're not ready to propose.

[John DeLoney]

Is her family.

[Mike]

No, no, my family's got to be on that half.

[Dave Ramsey]

Hey, Mike, how long y' all been dating?

[Mike]

About eight months.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay. All right. You've got some more work to do on this relationship before it becomes a marriage. And here's why you called nascar opinion. So I'll give you my opinion. I'm going to treat you like you're my kid because my kids are your age, okay? The number one cause of divorce in North America is disagreement over money. Money fights money problems, okay? And you are sitting square in the middle of it. And here's the problem. Jesus said, your treasure is where your heart is. People spend their money on what they value. And Dr. John DeLoney says, behavior is a language. And so when she says, I don't like your plan, I don't like it so much that I want my stuff to be separated in a prenup. What she's saying is I don't agree with how you're spending your money, and our value systems are not aligned.

[George]

Hey, George.

[Mike]

Here.

[George]

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[Dave Ramsey]

Knockbox.Com Ramsey what she's saying is I don't agree with how you're spending your money and our value systems are not aligned. You value different things. And if you want to go super extreme, she likes her rental property more than she likes you.

[Mike]

Right?

[Dave Ramsey]

That's, that's super extreme. That's super.

[Mike]

At least the kind of shorts. Yeah. I think she's sort of short sighted in her views because. Yep. She, all she has is her savings which is 160 grand.

[Dave Ramsey]

She says this is not, this is not a dollar amount thing. This is a power struggle and we're not aligned on our values because you spend your money on what you value and you value different things than she values. This makes for a very long and uncomfortable life if you stay married and you probably won't statistically. So you guys have got to continue to have this discuss until we can come to some kind of mediated agreement on what we're going to do with our lives and that we like each other, we love each other more than this stuff.

[John DeLoney]

Yeah. Because the response to conflict can't be, well, then I'm just going to take my stuff over here, I'm going to.

[Dave Ramsey]

Take my toys and go home.

[John DeLoney]

The response is let's enter into it and figure out where we both stand and how we can do this together. So that's. To me that's a red flag.

[Dave Ramsey]

It's. No, it's, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a no go forward flag. It's not just a red flag. It's a lot of don't go forward until you solve this. I'm not saying you have to break up with her, but I, please do not get engaged and get married. Because you're. Statistically you have almost no chance.

[Mike]

Right. I think a lot of it comes from her mother. You know, her mom's always raised her, once you have kids, your life is over. Even though she wants to have kids. And then her mom, you know, she kind of has the outlook of you need to have like her mom, you need to have money to run away if something goes bad.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. Yeah, that's it. There we go. So we're already planning out, we're already planning our exit and we hadn't even gotten to the altar.

[Mike]

Yeah. And she said she goes to therapy to work on all that because she doesn't agree with her mom and she doesn't like that outlook. But I think, you know, we always say the app will never, never fall far.

[Dave Ramsey]

Well, it hasn't yet. It hasn't yet.

[John DeLoney]

It can roll away over time.

[Dave Ramsey]

It can, it can. But it hasn't yet. But so. So because she's functioning in exactly the same fears, this as soon as you bumped into. We're going to be closely and completely knit together with the restructuring of this situation after we get married. The thing you proposed was very interwoven. It violated this keep things separate so I can bolt thing. And she retreated to a prenup. And all of that is. It's not an issue of the prenup. It's not an issue of the real estate. It's an issue of how the relationship's going. And it says you're not aligned. There are four things that if you're aligned on them, statistically, you will have a 90% probability of your marriage lasting. Money in laws. Oh, wait, mother's involved. Okay. Children. Oh, wait, we're already talking about that. And possibly disagreed. Okay. And oh wait, religion. That's the only one of the four we hadn't got to. And you've got to get some alignment on those things. So you guys have some work to do on the relationship. I would suggest some good pre marriage counseling and see if you can begin to not only discuss where these fears and values come from, but. But which of them we're going to keep and which ones we're going to take forward into the marriage. It could be that you're a little uptight and spreadsheet dude, nerd dude. And you need to loosen up on that. That might be. I didn't hear that. But it could be. If you were going to fall on one side or the other, that's the side you would fall on. Based on talking to you. Yeah, it sounded like that, but it didn't sound toxic. But I think you scared her.

[John DeLoney]

Well, I think what it sounded to me like what she was dealing with was fear based and it wouldn't have mattered who the guy was.

[Dave Ramsey]

That idea, the proposal of the interwoven freaked her out.

[John DeLoney]

Freaked her out. Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

And so it's not a discussion of the validity of prenups. It's a discussion of the proper way to do marriage. Relationships for statistical probability of success.

[John DeLoney]

Right. That's right.

[Dave Ramsey]

Hello. I mean that sounds like no romantic at all, but there you go. So. Because, you know, I got, you know, 43 years, I'm in. You want the statistical probability of success. It's really really good.

[John DeLoney]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

You want to be where I am. It's sweet. I got eight grandbabies, I got three wonderful people have married my children that I love dearly. I actually like them all. That's so weird. You know, how we're.

[John DeLoney]

That is weird.

[Dave Ramsey]

That means I raised children to pick. Well, okay. And so the whole family actually got together Sunday night. We had a blast.

[John DeLoney]

Oh, yeah, I saw some of the videos.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. Dunking them. Yeah, the whole bit. So the. I mean, but I mean, that's, that doesn't. That's not an accidental thing.

[John DeLoney]

Well, let me ask you this because I don't want to put a broad blanket over it, but I kind of feel this way. Don't you feel like when you're dating, like when you're in that phase between dating, about to get engaged, don't you think it should be easy?

[Dave Ramsey]

It's been so long, I forgot, like.

[John DeLoney]

I just feel like I'm like, man, to have these level of disagreements and fights like that.

[Dave Ramsey]

Well, he's 36.

[John DeLoney]

Feels like that's true.

[Dave Ramsey]

I was older. I was 22.

[John DeLoney]

Yeah, I was 22.

[Dave Ramsey]

We got married. I was 22. So I don't, I don't have anything to put that on. He's been single a long time.

[John DeLoney]

Yeah. Standards are.

[Dave Ramsey]

You got two, you got two older singles. They have, they're more entrenched.

[John DeLoney]

That's true. That is very true.

[Dave Ramsey]

When you're 22, it's like, yeah, whatever, you know, it's like, Right. But. Or at least it was for me.

[John DeLoney]

For me too. Now that I think back, I'm like, okay. That's why I said, I don't want to make it a broad statement, but.

[Dave Ramsey]

It'S very important to be aligned on those four things. And if you combine that with a six month or so engagement period, minimum maximum of a year, year and a half, and you combine that with premarriage counseling, those six things combined will put you in the 90 percentile that you'll still be married 25 years later.

[John DeLoney]

Yeah, I believe it.

[Dave Ramsey]

And so pre marriage counseling, aligned on those four things and a reasonable length of engagement. Not too long, not too short. And the data, that's all from research folks that's studying the actual divorce stats. 50% of the marriages end in divorce. Yeah. That includes all these people that should not have gotten married in the first place because they didn't do any of those things I just talked about. And if they did them, they would have run away. That's right, Run away. Like Jeff Foxworthy. Said, when I was a kid, we had a cat and it tore up mama's curtains. And the next day that cat ran away.

[John DeLoney]

Oh. Oh, yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

So you run away, you go to.

[John DeLoney]

The farm.

[Dave Ramsey]

You go the train station. You run away, you run. So I don't think that's where the stage that he's at. I don't think Mike's at that stage.

[John DeLoney]

No. He's got a lot of.

[Dave Ramsey]

But he is at the, as the teenagers used to say, the define the relationship stage.

[John DeLoney]

Yeah. They got a lot of thinking and.

[Dave Ramsey]

Decisions to make right now. And you're going to have to sit down probably with a good pre marriage counselor and help you work through that. She's probably a keeper, but not yet. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.